


BODY

by Hichanchen, Smut_Hemingway



Category: Monsta X (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: 2won, Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, Architect Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Art, Artist Chae Hyungwon, Becoming open-minded, Bottom Chae Hyungwon, Complete, Dicussions, Fluff, High School Drop Out Chae Hyungwon, HyungWonho - Freeform, M/M, Part-time Jobber Chae Hyungwon, Piss-poor Hyungwon, Sculptures, Slow Burn, Smut, Top Shin Hoseok | Wonho, actually we know nothing about other people, learning not to be a prick, not everything is as simple as it seems, other peoples' perspectives matter too, seriously it's slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-20
Updated: 2018-11-19
Packaged: 2019-08-04 09:23:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 204,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16344149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hichanchen/pseuds/Hichanchen, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smut_Hemingway/pseuds/Smut_Hemingway
Summary: Hoseok is a thirty-year-old architect who loves sculptures and tries hard to make money and satisfy other people's expectations, while struggling with his own preconceptions about the world.Hyungwon is a twenty-year-old school dropout, fully tattooed and pierced with an insatiable fascination for the male body. Working hard to follow his passion, he attempts to make people see more than his appearance.People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own souls. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.Coming closer, they destroy and rebuild their picture of the world, doubting their views and creating something new. Lighting up a new side and seeing each other as humans who combine loving light and shapes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dear readers,  
> a **video teaser** for this story has been published which you can watch [HERE.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1A957VFQxU)  
>   
>  With 'BODY' we are returning to the mind of artists and detailed descriptions. We really enjoyed writing it and hope that you will enjoy reading it as much as we enjoyed writing it if not more.  
>   
>   
> < **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are really hoping that you will enjoy this story as much as our previous works if not more and will be able to learn something from it.  
>   
> We write one character each, also if it is the perspective of the respective other character  
> @Hichanchen writes Hyungwon (and Kihyun) and  
> @Smut_Hemingway writes Wonho/Hoseok (and Taehyung, Hoseok's boyfriend + Lena (Hyungwon's Mom))  
> A special Thank You to our beta-readers Alice, Molly and Natalie.  
>   
>   
>   
> We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)  
> 

The white of the walls would have seemed sterile, if it hadn't been for the artificially created shadows that were only there to highlight Homme’s new exhibition. There weren't many works, six to be exact, but it didn't matter, because they were all absolutely breathtaking and artistic in their individual expression. The arrangement was minimalistic, the works were placed on white cubes in different sizes.

Hoseok loved Minimalism.

If he was honest, he wanted to buy all of them, but he had a self-set budget for art and had already bought one of Homme’s sculptures last month.

_One, you can buy one now._

There was something about how those works of art managed to make him feel. Homme always created bodies, male bodies. Each of them had a face but it was mostly covered by hands or artificial objects, and Hoseok couldn't help wanting to see the hidden expression.

_And they fit to the minimalistic design of your apartment._

They were mostly very slim and lean bodies and one could see how much attention the artist had paid to details, like hands or feet, emphasized by the perfectly positioned lighting.

_It's not perfect though. He should've asked you, you could've designed the perfect space for him including the lighting set-up._

Well, not everyone would've known that he specialized in light engineering and design, but big museums and galleries had hired him a few times, so he was pretty confident.

_Doesn't help with the problem that you want to buy everything this person created._

Sighing, he walked around a clay sculpture showing a male cowering on the ground. It looked so incredibly desperate and he was again mesmerized by how the artist was able to make his pieces convey so much. He must've been well over forty with the depth of bodily expression he was able to show through his works.

_And you can't even express what you want sometimes. You're hopeless._

He wasn't really hopeless, he had everything. Kind of.

His eyes spotted a marble piece, it was edgy, not the usual smooth surface of Greek or Roman sculptures. It looked very raw. The piece was a male torso, as usual there was a face too, covered by a big hand with long fingers. It was frustrating, as if Hoseok could almost see what was behind it, peeking from the space in between the marble fingers. It was crazy how he almost reached out to remove the hand from the sculpture’s face. It seemed as if the man had been looking at him but decided not to show what he thought and hid his face behind his big hand.

_You need this._

The decision was fast, almost automatic. He walked over to the owner of the gallery and told her that he was buying it. Twenty-five thousand Czech crowns. His parents would've killed him if he wasn’t thirty years old and hadn't been earning his own money for years already.

_Being independent has its advantages, Hoseok._

_You can do whatever the fuck you want._

_Kinda._

_

 

He looked at his reflection in the huge mirror that graced the black painted wall in his hallway. He was wearing a black button down that emphasized his waist and the fact that his skin looked like bleached paper. The red chinos hugged his thighs like a second skin, matching perfectly with his black Chelsea boots. Throwing a suit jacket over his shoulder, he grabbed the black leather bag that harbored his laptop and fixed a rather rebellious strand of his black hair.

_You look like a professionally cooked five star meal, Hoseok. People pay millions of Czech crowns at the cosmetic surgeon for this shit and you can have it just like that._

He jumped into his red Genesis G90 and buckled up. After clearing his throat, he told the speech recognition software that he was going to work, for no obvious reason as he knew the way by heart and definitely didn't need to use the navigation system.

_But you payed money for it, so just use it._

Looking over his shoulder, he reversed into his parking space and got out of his car, walking up to the fancy entrance and stroking over the plate with his name like a creep.

_But you worked for it, it's okay._

“Ooh la la, you look like a combination of two Malewitsch paintings, which is sexy, but also kinda weird or like a mixture of red and black caviar. That's who you are, extremely expensive fish eggs.” Taehyung danced around him, and he had to squeeze himself between the overly excited man and the wall to reach his work space and dump his laptop case on the table before letting himself fall into the leather chair.

“Yeah, says someone who looks like he gave up on aesthetics right after birth,” Hoseok murmured in the direction of his best friend and colleague who thought that combining a white shirt covered in red chickens with striped trousers was a good idea.

“It's beautiful and meaningful, and look at the chickens, they smile, do you see that? They're happy to see you, Hoseok!” A wild grinning chicken appeared in his sight as Taehyung let himself fall on his lap, pressing his shirt into his face. That was way too much.

Pushing him away lightly, he gave the other man a judgmental look and grabbed the pile of current projects. He needed to get back to work after taking time off to move houses and arrange everything at his new home.

“Did something come in? What's this?” he asked, spotting a very interesting sketch of a room he hadn't seen before.

“Ah, this, it's amazing! It's about artsy stuff and this man wants a studio and pretty windows and the right lighting. He wrote a whole essay and I've read it and it made me emotional, so I said yes, even though we normally charge more for stuff like that. You can't be mad at me, Hoseok, because it's for a higher purpose and he was so thoughtful, and his mind is beautiful, so you can't say no.” The chickens flared in front of his eyes while his hyperactive friend waved the piece of paper, jumping back and forth.

_You'll get stress related epilepsy._

He wanted to punch him. Had it been the first time, it would have been fine. But it wasn't, it was a once a month thing and Hoseok was used to doing stuff his best friend considered awesome but had no fucking idea about.

“Why the hell don't you just pick stuff you can do, huh? Why do I always have to do stuff you consider ‘beautiful’? I want to make money. That's it. Money is beautiful, give me my money.” He massaged his temples and stared up just to see Tae’s teary eyes.

_Oh, for god's sake._

“I also want to be talented, Hoseok, but I don't know anything, I just draw on walls, okay?”

_He draws art on walls. He's doing real art._

“But you are amazing, I'd love to be able to draw, but I can’t, I can just calculate and put it into reality, there's no talent involved. It's fine, I'll do it.” He sighed and almost got knocked out by thin arms attempting to curl around his neck.

Taehyung was cute.

“You're the best, Hoseok, and you make me happy, thank you so much for going with me to this party today, I know that you didn't want to, but I really appreciate it. You're the best person in the world.” The other man's low voice sent messages his brain did not want to decipher. Messages that didn't make any sense. Messages that made him incredibly angry.

_What party? What kind of party, Hoseok? What is he talking about?_

“Are you trying to lie to me? It's my first time hearing this from you.” He narrowed his gaze and attempted to push the other man's body from his lap, feeling the anger crawling up his brain.

_No way. No way in hell are you going anywhere._

“Of course, you agreed, but it was before you realized that the man you’re dating isn’t the best option out there for you so you got mad and moved. Then you forgot. You did, you did forget it, Hoseok, you promised me, two times, back then but then you just forgot, gosh, it makes me so sad that you would forget it, even though it was so important to me.” Taehyung spoke like a waterfall, words half swallowed and filled with emotions as if it had been some kind of drama. It was so real that he could almost imagine a camera man suddenly appearing and the director patting Tae’s shoulder for his perfect acting.

_He's sensitive, just give up. For today._

“Fine, but it's the last time that you're randomly agreeing on projects without a proper budget and without talking to me about it. If I keep doing work for so little money I won't get the compensation I deserve, and more people will come and want my work even though they don't have the cash. This is not how it works. It's business, not charity.” Crossing his arms in front of his chest, he gave Taehyung a judgmental look.

“Don't act like a bad person, Hoseok,” the other man muttered and stuck out his tongue before moving towards the glass wall where his working space was located.

He didn't act like a bad person, he just didn't understand why he had to work for his money whereas others just hung around lazily and lived off of other people's hard work.

_

 

“Hey, do you want to come over? I unpacked everything, and we could drink a glass of wine together, I missed you,” Hoseok muttered and smiled at his reflection in the mirror. He was wearing his black bathrobe and pressed the small, black phone against his ear, hoping to hear a positive answer.

_Then you can screw the party and tell Taehyung that you are spending quality time with your boyfriend._

“Uh, but I already have plans for today, don't you have stuff to do? I mean, you just moved and have your architectural projects and everything, you must be busy,” the familiar voice replied on the other end of the line.

_Exactly. Why aren't you busy, Hoseok?_

“Well, there's a lot to do I guess, but I still wanted to see you. When are you free?” he asked while brushing his wet bangs back and cursing mentally because it meant that he had to go to the stupid party and knowing Taehyung, there would be no filter for third class humans and he would have to deal with lazy, uneducated stupidity in its purest form.

_Awesome._

“I think Friday, you can come over, or maybe I'll visit after this one gathering on Thursday.” His boyfriend fumbled with something on the other end of the line and didn't seem to be concentrating on their conversation.

“What gathering? You can take me along if you like.” Hoseok really wondered sometimes about the number of friends, acquaintances and gatherings Michal went to.

“What? No, you'll find it boring, let's meet just as the two of us, I- I like to spend time alone with you.”

Hoseok smiled at that before whispering a love confession and hanging up.

_It's not boring though._

Hoseok missed him.

_

 

The music was shit, the people were shit, the discussion topics were shit and the alcohol was shit. The only not shitty thing was his outfit and Tae, who dressed like he had taken LSD while picking clothes, but was cute and lovely nevertheless.

Hoseok looked like an outsider, even though he had tried to adjust to the lack of education and style by wearing a dark green Gucci shirt and white ripped jeans.

_You just showed them that they have no sense of aesthetics, it's not adjusting, Hoseok._

“We need more alcohol, you hate it anyway, so could you go and buy some? Hyungwon will come with you, he knows where you can find the good, cheap stuff,” his overly excited best friend screamed in his face while gesturing with his arms back and forth.

“Why do I have to go anywhere? And who is Hyungwon?” He caught Taehyung’s wrist to stop the other man from slapping him in the face by accident. It wouldn't have been the first time.

“Because I know that you always have cash and Hyungwon is a beautiful and talented friend who's open-minded, smart and adorable,” Taehyung squealed, smiling brightly like the sun.

“You met him in the bathroom, didn't you? Why am I here like this if I could be drinking wine on my leather couch while looking at the new sculpture I bought?” He facepalmed and stood up in resignation.

“Because you're my friend and you're not a bad person,” Taehyung commented, ”I'll tell him that you're ready to go.” The handsome man disappeared for a bit before coming back with another person.

_What the hell?_

His best friend was holding the completely tattooed arm of a tall, blonde boy. The guy was wearing a loose black t-shirt and black ripped jeans that looked as if he had ripped them himself. At home. With rusty scissors. His face would've been okay if it didn't consist of lips and eyes alone in addition to all the metal hanging on it. A lip piercing, two eyebrow piercings and about six in his ears. He wasn't even sure that the dude was able to count that far, but he had nine piercings, so his ten fingers should've been sufficient to count them.

_Why do you always have to force-talk with people like that, how old is he even? Eighteen?_

“Amazing. Let's go then.” Hoseok wanted to punch Taehyung for doing this to him.

“You wanted tequila, right?” the blonde dude asked his best friend with a casual grin and emptied the, probably unwashed, glass in his hand.

_Is he even allowed to drink?_

“Yes, and also something colorful, life is too short to drink transparent liquid, don't you think? And also for Hoseok, he needs to get so drunk that he stops being himself.” Taehyung, this bloody traitor, just joked and clutched the boy's ink-stained arm as if he was his best friend.

“Whatever let's just go, I don't need to get drunk I'm already ready to vomit,” he murmured and brushed his hair back, pulling his wallet out of his jeans pocket to check his cash. Six thousand Czech crowns should be enough to buy trash alcohol for trash people.

“I think it’s the wrong reason to vomit though,” the walking canvas remarked and grabbed Hoseok’s upper arm, obviously ignorant of appropriate human distance. “Let's get going, all the good stuff disappears after 11 PM.”

_Just hope that he doesn't want to buy drugs with your money._

“Depends. You have to show me the way, I don't know the quarter well enough cause I just moved here,” Hoseok murmured, immediately hating himself for revealing personal information because of meaningless skin ship.

“Fizzing, ‘elcome to the area, you'll love to hate it.” The blonde man laughed and pulled him along, past a mass of mostly drunk people with zero coordination. “I basically grew up here, climbing over fences and pissing off neighbors.”

_That's what he looks like._

“You must've climbed over my parent's fence too,” he muttered and couldn't help but be more aware of the boy's fingers on his bicep.

_Since when do you let yourself be touched by random trash?_

“You're allowed to drink, right?” he asked, not wanting to get caught by police while providing minors with alcohol. Especially as a successful architect with his own office and really nice projects.

“Duh, I'm no teenager begging you for buzz.” The other man laughed again and pulled Hoseok out of the slightly run down building, color fading off the walls in addition to ripped promotional posters. “D’ya like the neighborhood? It takes some time to get used to them racist jerks, but once you get past that it's lit. Lots of possibilities and shit you can do. I'm sure ya’ll like it around here.”

“You look like a teenager though. How did you and Tae meet? Bathroom?” he asked to change the topic and peeled the boy's arm away from his bicep, as the other started squeezing it for no reason.

“Ya mind me clinging to you? Sorry ‘bout that, let's keep it with the cash-buzz exchange then.” Instead of curling his fingers around Hoseok’s arm the other man slipped them into the pocket of his jeans. “We met at a party when he danced over to the couch I was sitting on and read me a random 3-minute poem about my face, it was cute. How did ya guys meet?”

_Oh no. Why is Tae like this?_

“Taehyung is the cutest and purest person on earth. Our parents are friends, we went to the same kindergarten, even though he went later than me.” It was a little disconcerting but thinking about it, they wouldn't have been friends if they had met randomly.

_You're too different._

“There are two people I'm touchy with and it's Tae and my boyfriend.” He needed to say it, to make sure that the guy wouldn't randomly touch him.

_Why don't you just tell him everything about yourself, Hoseok? He's a random delinquent, why would you even bother?_

“I get ya, you're off limits,” the blonde man remarked with a small smile and brushed through his hair, showing further pointless tattoos next to his collarbones. “Taehyung is a lil’ angel, a pure and free soul. Not many stay that carefree out here.”

“He's a little foolish, liking everybody without a filter.” He looked to the side and tugged his shirt further into his jeans, putting both hands into his pockets that were way too small. He was really bad at talking with teenagers. “And what are you doing? Going to school?”

“Nah, ‘s nothing for me and I'm way past that age too. I'm earning my fill of dough while doing what I like. You?”

_Is he a drug dealer?_

“You look really young, how old are you? And what do you earn money with? It's nothing illegal or is it?” He glanced to the side and looked at the boy's face for the first time in a long while. He was playing with the metal in his face while chewing on his huge lips.

The boy stared at him without saying a single word for a few seconds until he suddenly began laughing loudly, sound echoing through the empty streets. He had a relatively high pitched manic laugh compared to his graveyard voice.

“Nah, ‘s nothing illegal, don't get your knickers in a twist,” he squeezed out eventually and held onto his flat stomach, showing the lack of meat at his waist.

“Whatever it is, you definitely need to eat more. Do we have to walk for long?” he asked before looking to the sky and spotting a few stars that looked really pretty. He missed Michal. Someone to hug.

“Just around that corner,” the blonde boy remarked and gestured towards the traffic light ahead of them, turned off because of the time of night. “What's ya name anyway?”

Playing with one of the countless earrings in his left ear, the young guy grinned at him and crossed the street, barely refraining from grabbing Hoseok’s hand to pull him along.

_That's why you're not hanging around with people like this, they can't talk._

“Hoseok. And you're Hyungwon who is not going to school, didn't tell me how old he is and is making money while doing what he likes?” Hoseok laughed loudly at the thought that he was running around with a fully tattooed school kid doing drugs.

_That's why you shouldn't always do what Taehyung wants from you._

“Yeah, I'm Hyungwon, but ya didn't seem too interested in the answers to those questions, so I thought I won't bore ya with it,” the blonde replied and shrugged nonchalantly before leading Hoseok to a rather shady looking kiosk. The walls were covered in old newspaper, probably used to cover old dirt and discolored patches of tapestry. Various bottles were stacked on the shelves, sometimes just one per type. All prices were written by hand on tiny red notes, most likely by the foreign looking guy at the cash point.

“What you want?” was the first question addressed towards them as the guy pulled his black snapback a little lower, like he didn't want to show his face.

“Don't lose your shit, we just want to buy some buzz,” the blonde stick replied with a wide grin and began grabbing a few random bottles off the shelves, collecting them in his slim arms.

“You got the cash, Won?” the cashier asked, apparently familiar with the teenager. He probably bought alcohol illegally all the time.

_What the hell?_

“He does,” Hyungwon replied and gestured towards Hoseok with his eyes. “Right, Hoseok?”

He wanted to kill Taehyung at this point, he didn't even know what the actual heck he was doing at a shady kiosk in the middle of Prague with a minor with badly bleached hair buying shady alcohol one probably turned blind from.

“Yes, unfortunately. How much?” He walked over to the cashier and opened his wallet.

“400 crowns,” the foreign-looking guy replied, and his lips curled up a little, like something about Hoseok was utterly fascinating to him.

_Yeah. You're a normal person, must be fascinating._

“Stop staring, he's new to the area,” the blonde teenager remarked and shifted the weight of at least seven bottles in his arms.

_Seven bottles for 400 Czech crowns? What?_

He didn't know what was inside those, but he promised himself to not let Taehyung drink any of it. He paid with a 2000 crowns bill and walked out without waiting for the change. He just wanted to leave.

“Wait- don't lemme carry it all by myself,” the blonde called after him, bottles rattling in the plastic bags that the other man had apparently put them in. “Also, ya should take your change.”

Catching up, Hyungwon stretched out his hand with the remaining bills and coins, waiting for Hoseok to take it back.

Sighing, he pulled out his wallet and put everything inside, taking both bags out of the blonde boy's big hands that didn't fit with his stick arms at all.

“I just want to go home, why is my life like this?” he asked himself and walked in the direction where they had come from. At least that's what he thought.

“I'm guessin’ one decision led to the next and bam, you're here,” was the answer, followed by a nonchalant shrug. “Ya sure you’re fine with carrying both? You're buff and all, but no need to prove anything.”

_As if you want to prove anything._

He turned around and glanced at the rude kid, putting both bags into his big palms and walking away with his hands in his pockets.

“It's all because of Taehyung,” he murmured to himself but still had to wait for the delinquent to find his way back to the party.

“Ya are an emotional one, aren't ya?” the blonde asked once he caught up and played with the piercing in his lip, sucking it into his mouth. It was obvious that both bags were a little heavy for him, but he didn't comment on them anymore. “If ya want to you can go home already, I'll tell Taehyung you had enough of this shit.”

_You can't because you have to make sure that he doesn't turn blind from this shady alcohol._

“I'm not emotional. I'm just in a bad mood because I wanted to do something else today but had to come here for Tae. It's normally not the way I spend the limited free time I have, but now I'm hanging around with a school kid buying alcohol at shady places.” He turned around and took both bags back into his own hands, without looking at the blonde guy.

“I'm definitely not a school kid and Pavel just tries to earn a lil’ extra with that small shop. He repairs cars usually. I mean- sure ‘s not the cleanest place around here, but ya gotta use what ya have,” the teenager commented next to him and returned his hands to the pockets of his jeans, much like he did on their way to the kiosk.

“Whatever you say. You sure that you don't turn blind from that? I didn't even know places like this existed in this neighborhood, my house is on the other side, Westside to be exact, I've never been here before today.” Gosh, he wanted to go home so badly, to wear his silk pyjamas and to drink a perfect temperature red wine from his wine fridge instead of carrying cheap bottles through the shady neighborhood.

“Sure, you weren't,” Hyungwon said with a laugh and turned around the corner, one that Hoseok almost missed. “Ya find places like this often, if ya open your eyes well enough. People need money and that's just one way to get it. Your house must be nice.”

“It is, I designed it myself.” He didn't want to say anything but just blurted it out instead. He really needed to stop talking about the nice things he had to strangers who didn't have them.

“Wow, that's really cool, sounds like a lot of work and money, especially money,” the blonde guy murmured and brushed through his hair again. “Since ya seemed so concerned with the buzz, Pavel gets it at one of those big storehouse places, that's why 's cheap. Tastes just like all the other fancy shit, just that less money goes to the greedy supermarkets.”

_Whatever._

“Mhm, you can drink whatever you like. It's not a lot of money because I do it professionally, so I didn't have to hire anyone, I like my windows and lighting the most. It's my specialty, but yeah, I don't even know why I'm telling you this I should be at home drinking wine with Taehyung, that crazy dude.” Sighing, he threw his head back before looking to the side because there was no reaction.

“I think lighting and getting the windows right is the hardest, so that's cool,” Hyungwon said eventually and turned around a corner again. The street seemed familiar and the bass that was audible from where they were standing was enough of a hint that they were in the right place.

“Taehyung isn't really one for wine though. At least that's what he told me after the poem, something ‘bout discrimination in wine and peeling poor grapes just to get a particular colour.”

Hoseok wanted to facepalm, because it must've been true. He still found it strange that the blonde boy had reacted to him talking about windows and lighting.

_Probably to support conversation._

“But I am the type. Well, we're there. So how old are you, for my guilty conscience?” Hoseok couldn't help asking because he really didn't want to do anything illegal.

The other man laughed loudly again and removed a stray strand of blonde hair from his eyes, putting it behind his ear.

“I'm twenty,” he commented with a grin and rang the bell, winking briefly. “It was nice to meet ya, Hoseok.”

_Gosh, he's really a kid. Not a minor, but still a kid._

“Cute. I'm doing all kinds of things for Tae, it gets freakier every day,” he commented, carrying the heavy bags up the one flight of dirty stairs.

_Now you need to find Tae and go home._

“At least it doesn't get boring,” Hyungwon replied with a smile and grabbed one of the bags before disappearing in the crowd.

The music was still shit and the people were also shit, just now they were drunk. He felt like he didn't belong there at all.

_Just go home._

Grabbing his phone, he wrote his best friend a message, telling him that he would be leaving to meet his boyfriend.

_Which you aren't._

But nobody knew that.

 

***

 

His eyelids felt like someone had decided to pierce them and hung a ton of heavy junk on them, thereby making it impossible to keep his eyes opened. That's what came with lack of sleep and a five hour shift in the middle of the night.

His breath hitched as he stumbled into the small hallway, heartbeat increasing rapidly. He fumbled along the wall quickly. His long fingers dipped into each irregularity (that he hoped no insect lived in) until he finally found the light switch and pressed it.

Just that nothing happened. And then nothing continued to happen.

_It broke yesterday, and you didn't get to change the light bulb._

Hyungwon barely resisted the urge to scream and almost fell over a gigantic box that blocked the wooden door to the bathroom which was located on the left side. Holding onto the wall for stability, panic moving all the way up to his throat he reached out and finally turned on the light in the bathroom, finally enabling himself to see where he was treading.

The tiny hallway was completely covered in cardboard boxes, probably the new bunch of toys that his mother had ordered and wanted to show off over the next few days. It was a little bothersome that she kept them in the hallway instead of her room (which was quite a bit bigger than his own), but Hyungwon wasn't really one to complain.

_Before you were able to use Alena’s dorm room you also covered the whole place in your shit._

“I brought some chicken nuggets, mom,” he called out, pretty convinced that his mother was still awake at 1 AM because she had a sleep schedule that was just as fucked as his.

He kicked off his sneakers, noticing the way the sole was basically playing out its dramatic departure from the rest of the shoe. He had to buy new ones, but the amount of money he had to save up until the end of next month was just ridiculous and didn't allow for a new pair just yet.

_Priorities, Hyungwon. Priorities._

Saving up money was important and unless it rained money there was no way he could buy shoes. Sure, he could have tried to get himself a lover that would buy him a pair but that just wasn't his style. He didn't want to cheat anybody into affection and wasting their resources on him just because he needed a new pair of shoes. Hyungwon preferred to be clear with his expectations, he knew what kind of person he was and so did the people he hung out with.

_Different story if they'd offer though._

He chuckled at the memory of a hot guy who had offered to buy him a drink, hoping to get it on afterwards, just to be disappointed by the fact that he had to work until 5 AM. The wait had probably not been worth it. He was a little difficult to satisfy.

“Mom?” he called again when the response took longer than usual. “I got ya chicken nuggets, the ones with that shitty sauce you like.” Someone had fucked up their order and Hyungwon wasn't one to let food go to waste.

Knocking his knuckles against his mom's room door, he pushed down the handle and glanced inside. His eyes fell on long blonde hair at first, sprawled out over the black pillow and the single naked leg that was peeking out from under the blanket, propped up against the wall. It was the one with the gigantic flower tattoo, delicate blossoms making their way upwards over the knee and along her thigh. It was one of Hyungwon's favorite tattoos on her.

His mom was staring at something on her phone and smiling before she finally glanced over to him.

“Hey, sunshine, how was your shift? Are you good?” her dark, low but feminine voice sounded through the room as she glanced over her phone.

“Okay, s’ the usual, people ordering fast food and blaming you for their bad life choices and not even giving you extra cash for the effort,” he murmured and walked through to the bed, throwing himself on top of it. “I got ya chicken nuggets with that sauce you like, the one that tastes like death by choking.”

“My favorite! Don't mind them, baby, they're frustrated and never learned to deal with it. You know your worth and that's the most important thing.” His mother's hands stroked over his hair. “Don't forget to do things you really like too, you need balance, baby, every one of us needs it.”

“Yeah, did you try that new penguin thing? Seems like you don't leave your room anymore after gettin’ it,” Hyungwon remarked with a chuckle and relaxed his muscles, feeling how the hours of work and pressure were taking a toll on him. “I am, mom, don't worry. I'm still saving up, but I finally found someone who'll do it for the money I planned.”

It felt like most of the stress disappeared at the thought alone, at the knowledge that the one thing he really wanted to have would finally be his soon.

_You will be able to do it the way you want it._

“Oh! They must be a nice person then, I'm really happy that it worked out! I have to tell Melissa!” His mom grabbed her phone and typed furiously with a bright smile on her face. “Yes, Melissa likes the penguin too. Better than a man, sorry not sorry.” She grinned showing her teeth and leaned to the side, touching his forehead with her full lips.

“Just tell me when I gotta make sure to piss off,” he said with a grin and remembered the last time he believed he was alone and was all unsuspecting in his bed until ridiculously loud moans shook his ear drums. Melissa was a screamer, as nice and fun as she was. “I have to get up early ‘cause I work at the jeans shop tomorrow, selling shit to rich, judgmental pricks.”

“They're also sad humans, don't judge them too hard, they have money, but they don't have other things. Not everyone can be as perfect as you,” his mom muttered before laughing loudly and wishing him a good night.

“Thanks for always feeding my ego, mom,” he commented with a wide grin, leaving the nuggets on her bed, and walked to his room. The apartment was tiny and barely fit all of their stuff, but they didn't really need much. The kitchen was connected to his mom's room and the bathroom was closer to his, it was the perfect arrangement with how he barely touched anything in the kitchen and she showered faster than he did.

It was perfect like this and Hyungwon wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

_

 

“But don't you have anything more sophisticated in this establishment? I feel like every pair just makes my behind look twice as big,” the brunette woman in front of him remarked, hair styled into big curls and a fancy bag on her shoulder that looked like it could have paid for Hyungwon's childhood dreams just by selling it.

He had spent the past 40 minutes looking for various cuts of jeans for the woman in front of him and with each one she found some fault, pointing out that either her thighs, her ass, her calves or her fucking ankles looked too big. Hyungwon would have choked her if there hadn't been the fact that he was at work and his mother's words kept repeating in his head.

_She said that they have their own problems, Hyungwon._

Maybe the woman in front of him was just generally dissatisfied with herself and it didn't matter what he offered her, it wouldn't be enough.

“I think it looks rather good on you, Miss. Your legs look just right in my opinion and my favorite pair were the second ones you tried on. But of course, that's up to you and you don't have to buy anything if you don't like it,” he replied eventually and smiled, his right arm covered with various types of rejected jeans.

The brunette frowned a little before examining him carefully and pursing her lips.

“Which were the second ones? I might try them on again.”

Smiling even brighter, he picked them out and hoped that he wouldn't have to wait until the woman tried out everything once again, just to leave without buying anything. It wouldn't have been the first time.

Generally, Hyungwon didn't care much, but depending on how many customers came and bought stuff during his shift it was possible to get a bonus and he really needed that bonus for his project.

He had even tried hard and covered most of his tattoos with the nicest shirt he owned, a black one with buttons. He had removed a loose thread or two in the morning, so it looked fine. His jeans were ripped, but that could have counted as fashion and no one needed to know that he had crawled under bar stools trying to clean the remnants of people's shitty coordination skills.

Exiting the changing cubicle, the brunette turned around while pouting her lips and stared at her legs in the mirror. Hyungwon had no idea what her problem was because they looked just fine.

“They look really good on you, the pockets are just at the right height and they fit with the style of the zippers on your boots,” he commented while pulling arguments out of his ass. The jeans did look good but convincing was hard when the person was already in a bad mood.

“You sure? I might bring them back if they don't look good enough at home.” It sounded like a threat, but he didn't really care about her bringing them back because the bonus stayed.

“That is no problem at all, if you decide that you don't like them in the end you can return them anytime.”

“Alright, then I'll take these.” Hyungwon barely contained a small dance of victory and expressed his feelings with a smile instead, putting all the other jeans back and waiting for the woman to return. Once she changed back into her tight, black dress (probably equally expensive and more than Hyungwon made in his lifetime) he packed everything up nicely with a ribbon and cashiered the money.

_Maybe you’ll even manage before the end of the month._

Once the pretty, brunette curls disappeared through the entrance of the shop, he released the long breath he had been holding. Now he just needed to keep going just like that and the working space was basically his to clutter with his shit.

The blissful loneliness didn't stay for long as a broad figure walked into the shop, dressed in black jeans and a dark blue silk shirt, black hair hanging into the pale man's eyes. He carried a brown leather bag and walked to the business casual collection, looking at jeans and pants without lifting his gaze.

Hyungwon chewed on his cheek for a bit while thinking whether the guy already knew what he wanted, or if he really had to go over there and ask. Unfortunately, it was his job, so he made his way to the rather nicely built man and smiled.

“May I help you, Sir?”

The other man turned to him with a smile that faded the longer he stared at him, letting his gaze slide over his form before settling on his face.

_It's the tatts again, isn't it?_

“Wait, haven't we met before? We have. Aren't you the school kid from the party?”

Hyungwon examined his face for a few seconds until the images came raining in. Tae had asked him to show the guy where to get cheap buzz. It was the dude who made houses with nice lighting and windows.

“I'm still no school kid, but yeah, we met. You're-" Hyungwon paused to get the name right, remembering the situation in which he had asked the other man for his name, after buying alcohol at Pavel’s. “Hoseok, right?”

“Mhm, I wonder how you get through metal detectors, but I can remember you telling me that you're making money doing what you like. That must be it. Show me some nice jeans that have a nice cut and are comfy to sit in for a long time.” The dude's dark brown eyes scanned him like a supermarket chicken.

_Better hope there is enough meat on your bones then._

He held back a comment concerning his piercings, a little pissed off by the rudeness. He wasn't there to be provoked but to work. However, his mother's words probably applied to the black-haired man too, so he tried harder.

Still smiling, he checked out the black-haired man's body form. Hoseok had really nice thighs, muscular and probably firm with how they filled out the black pants he was wearing. Stepping a little to the side to get a look at the other man's behind as well, Hyungwon played with the piercing in his lip. There were a lot of options and it was a little disappointing that ‘nice to sit in’ was the criteria.

“I meant to show me some jeans, not to stare at the ones I'm in, they're nice, but I need another pair or two.” The black-haired man lifted an eyebrow and concentrated on the black chinos that were hanging on the side.

“I was looking at ya body type to find the right ones for ya, Hoseok,” Hyungwon remarked and finally removed his eyes from the other man's gorgeous behind. It was a shame.

Licking over his lips, he moved to a few of the hangers on the side and grabbed the pairs that appeared like they would look good on the other in addition to being comfortable. He just didn't look like somebody who just dressed for comfort, not with the way he looked.

“One of those should be ‘lright,” he remarked and held them out towards Hoseok, looking intently at the features of his face. His lips had an interesting curl, like the corners of his mouth moved upwards although he wasn't smiling. He was definitely older than Hyungwon, but something about the roundness of his eyes and the rather pale colour of his skin made him look young.

_But then again you don't really know his age, maybe he looks his age._

The slightly shorter man glanced at him with a judgmental look and moved towards the changing rooms without taking the clothes, probably just expecting him to carry them over. Placing his expensive leather bag on the chair, snobby Hoseok turned around and unbuttoned the first button of his blue silk shirt, glancing to the hook and waiting for Hyungwon to leave the pants there.

_Really, man? Why would he take off his shirt to try on pants?_

He played with the ring in his lower lip and made his way to the hanger, placing the pants there while examining the other man with a raised eyebrow. Expecting him to just carry his shit there was a little extreme, wasn't it?

_Maybe it's revenge for the alcohol last time? He could be the resentful type._

Loosening another button, the bulky dude raised an eyebrow at him again. He had a nice chest and body, Hyungwon gave him that.

“Are you staying here while I change? Is it some kind of special service? I don't need that. Thank you.”

Suddenly, it didn't really matter what his mom had said. Hoseok was a dick, a snobby dick. There was a limit for everything and Hyungwon happened to realize that he was on the highway going way too fast and a sign with ‘limit for assholish behavior’ was right ahead of him.

_He's a customer, not the fucking king._

“Nah, special service needs to be deserved,” he remarked and stepped back, folding a few of the messed up jeans that previous customers had just thrown there to distract himself. “Just tell me when ya need a different pair or a second opinion.”

There was some sound, but he couldn't recognize the words when Hoseok closed the cubicle and started changing. A minute or two passed before the door opened and the other man stepped out, wearing especially tight chinos and examining his reflection in the huge mirror.

_So much for sitting comfortably._

Hyungwon sorted a few pairs of jeans according to size while glancing over to the way the other man turned in front of the full sized mirror, checking out his own ass. How he had managed to squeeze all that in them chinos was a mystery.

“They look good on you, I'm just not sure if they fulfil the purpose of sittin’ comfortably. Might get a little tight.”

“I'm used to tight. If the material is good, then they're tight in the right places.” Hoseok crouched down and stroked over his thighs, before standing up again. “I'll take all of them,” the black-haired dude muttered before disappearing in the fitting room.

_All of them? Holy shit, that's a fucking fortune, Hyungwon._

He barely contained an uncharacteristic smile and merely nodded, collecting the other pairs from the cubicle to pack them up already. Even if Hoseok was a snobby prick, he was adding a bonus to his pay check and indirectly contributing to the fulfilment of his childhood dreams. The good things in life.

“Would you like a bag?” he asked out of habit and carefully folded the various pairs of pants that the other man had thrown over the cubicle door, proud of his well-chosen selection.

“What's this question? Do you think I'm going to wear four pairs and walk out of here?” Hoseok came out and went to the cashier, pulling out his wallet.

Maybe Hyungwon should just forget about the bonus and fight for justice instead. It was a difficult decision with how he couldn't help the tiny sparks of anger.

_Money Hyungwon, it has to be the money._

“I just thought that maybe you're up for saving the environment and killing fewer trees, but fair enough, I'll pack it up for ya.” He grabbed the last pair of tight pants, folded them and added them all to one of the decorated paper bags with a ribbon. “Fifteen thousand Czech crowns, please. Would you like to pay by card or cash?”

“You thought wrong, maybe you shouldn't think. I'll pay by credit card.” Hoseok pulled a black visa card out of his wallet that happened to occupy the thin slot next to the other man's ID card.

“May I see your ID card too for identification purposes?” he asked while keeping his professional smile, wish to kick the guy in the nuts almost overwhelming. How Tae managed to be friends with someone like that was incomprehensible.

“Whatever you need to make it faster.” The black-haired snob handed him his ID and picked up a phone call. Hyungwon used the time to examine the picture and the birth year although they were absolutely irrelevant for the purchase. Snobby Mr. Lee was thirty, just the right age to think he got life all figured out and was all that.

“Hey, no I told you that the whole office will smell like kimchi, let's just go for sushi outside, Tae, we talked about this. It'll be really good, I swear, I'll be there in ten minutes max.” The other man's mouth moved really funnily, like a bunny chewing on salad. It would have been cute had he not elaborated on his picky eating preferences.

_Do him and Tae work together?_

“I see you're old enough to buy jeans, I'm proud of you,” Hyungwon commented and swiped the other man's credit card before returning the ID and asking for a signature on the receipt.

“Wow, the metal on your face and in your mouth must interfere with your eyesight. Think about your health, or don't, have a nice day.” The dude packed his cards back into his wallet and left a ridiculously neat signature on the bill before grabbing the bag and leaving through the big glass doors.

_Can't have beautiful handwriting and a decent personality apparently._

Lee Hoseok was a prick, in every sense and definition of the word and it was utterly irrelevant what his mom had said the day before. No matter how difficult one’s life was and how much money there was to swim in, neither of those justified being a complete asshole with no conduct and no tolerance for someone who is different.

_Let's just hope you don't see him around anymore,  otherwise you might actually punch him in the dick._

_

 

Some people were ridiculously picky with their orders even though it shouldn't have made a fucking difference whether there were two slices of avocado in a maki roll or not.

_When there are no problems one needs to create some for excitement._

Hyungwon had spent the past fifteen minutes waiting for a delayed order because the requirements were apparently so complex that preparing the food took way beyond the usual thirty minute delivery time frame.

_At least it's not your fault it’ll be late._

Once the small box filled with Alaska rolls with two strips of avocado, thinly cut salmon sashimi sprinkled with fish eggs and a complex collection of maki, finally touched his hands, he sprinted over to his motorcycle.

He carefully placed the delivery into his transportation box and got going, grateful that it was in his area and he was familiar enough with it to not bother with navigation.

Once he turned into the right street, he saw big designer buildings, sometimes with multiple floors, sometimes just stretched out. There was basically no junk lying on the streets and the green spaces were decorated beautifully with carefully planted flowers and fake trees.

_Fits the order._

Hyungwon stopped in front of a building with the correct number and climbed off his motorcycle quickly, attempting to avoid being any later. His long fingers found the metal sign with the correct name (which was engraved into it) quickly and pressed it, waiting for the door to open.

A few seconds passed, and a black metal door opened, revealing a muscular dude in silk pyjamas, holding a glass of wine.

_Really, man?_

Hyungwon started at the naked feet standing on fancy wooden floors, followed by thighs that made the pyjama fabric seem almost tight. Whatever the other man had under those pants, it sure as fuck wasn't underwear with how Hyungwon could basically figure out where exactly his dick was.

_What is this? Bad pornography?_

Once his eyes moved over the partially uncovered, muscular chest and landed on the pale face, framed by black hair, he just wanted to facepalm, hard.

“Hoseok?” he asked, a little baffled by the fact that he had the luck to meet the self-centered prick three times in his life, and two of those times at work.

_Who the fuck orders sushi in pyjamas?_

“You're not stalking me, or are you?” The dude swung the wine in his glass and leaned against the door frame, pointing at the box he was holding. “Is this my food? Why are you bringing me my food? Way too late by the way.”

Hyungwon had the sudden wish to stuff the other man's face with an Alaska roll that had only one strip of avocado, or even better, his own first. But he was working and there was no way snobby Mr. Lee was worth losing his job.

“It isn't my fault that your rather picky order took more time than usual to prepare, I took just as long as I was supposed to. Do ya always accept your deliveries dressed like that? Are ya lonely?” Hyungwon replied and couldn't contain the last comment, licking over his lips to remain calm and keep the smile he had conjured upon his features.

“Wow, must be nice doing sooo many things that you like. I'm at home, so I'm wearing what I want. I'm not naked, would be too nice for someone like you. How much do you want?” The prick left the door open and went through the huge hallway Hyungwon could see through the door crack, before coming back with a fancy black wallet.

“1000 crowns. I think ya think a little too much of yourself, Hoseok, delusions are dangerous,” Hyungwon replied and played with the ring in his bottom lip again, hoping to get the money quickly and be able to disappear as fast as he had appeared. There was just a limited amount of intolerance he could take in his daily life and most of that was already used up by his shifts at the jeans shop.

“I'm thinking exactly right of myself, and of you for that matter. I'm a good person, so I wanted to give you a tip, but you're rude and the food was late, so I hope you can reflect on that.” The self-confident bastard placed a 1k note into his hand and took the box, closing the door in his face.

Hyungwon genuinely considered ringing the bell again just to punch the piece of shit of a human being into his deadly pale face, but he still really needed that fucking job. Grumbling to himself, he placed the money into his working wallet and jumped back onto his motorcycle.

Whatever his mother had said, there must have been exceptions to that rule.

_At least Kihyun has some time to hang out tonight and you can tell him, so he'll threaten to beat Hoseok’s polished face for your entertainment._

_

 

The light reflected beautifully off the green liquid inside the cocktail glass in front of him. It almost made the lime he had added appear blue, fitting to the colour of the straw and the dark green mint on top.

Hyungwon was ridiculously proud of his creation and let the glass slide over to the smiling blonde girl on the side of the bar. She had been waiting for someone for the past hour and it was difficult not to feel sorry for her with how the excitement slowly changed to disappointment and she stopped smiling.

_Must have been a dick to ditch her like that._

It was Thursday evening, so the bar wasn't as full as on the weekends. A few friends were drinking cocktails or beer on the sides and the only person at the bar was the blonde girl, sipping on her Mojito with a small smile towards him. She had really cute freckles. Hyungwon smiled back and arranged a few sprinkles of brown sugar on another new creation of his.

“Why would you want to sit at the bar? Isn't it better to talk if we take one of the tables?” a slightly familiar voice asked, and he spotted two dudes who were moving towards the bar counter.

“I really like the bar and it's more fun like this, you just never go out, that's why you have no idea,” the brown haired guy answered and pulled the black-haired, bulky hulk after himself.

He kept his attention on the drink, finishing it and putting it on the tray for Elena to take it to the couple in the back. When he came back the two men were sitting right across from him, talking about which drinks to order.

“Hey, could you make us two zombies?” the thinner guy asked him and he recognised his prominent face, with the small nose and sharp jaw, the dude was a regular.

“But why?” the weirdly familiar voice asked.

“Just drink it, Hoseok.”

_Hoseok?_

Hyungwon finally removed his eyes from the familiar guy and was met with black hair, round eyes and curved lips. The same ones he had learned to detest over the past week. For a good reason.

“Sure,” he replied instead of commenting on the fact that snobby Mr. Lee had even decided to visit his fucking bar. He smiled at his regular and began arranging the various types of rum before pouring them into two big glasses. “Anything else for you two?”

“Nah, it will be enough for him,” his regular joked and slapped Hoseok's shoulder. They seemed close.

“Why didn't you want to come over? I really wanted to show you my place, you haven't been there yet, and I designed it so nicely.” Hoseok sounded sad.

_He did mention that it's his speciality before he decided to judge you for no reason._

“You know that I don't care about houses, and it's boring, I really like this place and the guy at the bar makes perfect cocktails.” It took a few seconds and he could see how Hoseok's eyes met his and an expression of genuine shock appeared on his ridiculously pale face.

Apparently, the icon of self-obsession had not realized that Hyungwon was going to bless them with his cocktail-making skills. His skills that he happened to be particularly proud of.

“Yeah, I make perfect cocktails, Hoseok, you should try them,” he commented with a grin and placed both of the Zombies in front of the two men, leaning over a little to examine their facial expressions. It was a little sad that he knew Hoseok’s name but not the one of his regular.

“Oh, you two know each other? How did that happen? You're surprising me, Hoseok,” his regular exclaimed, pinching the snobby dude’s arm.

“There's nothing to be surprised about, I bought jeans and got sushi, we don't know each other, Michal, let's go somewhere else after this,” the muscular prick mumbled and looked to the side, staring at his cocktail as if it contained poison.

_He makes it sound like you're a piece of trash, asshole._

“Feel free to stay, Michal, tolerance is a virtue after all,” he commented and smiled at his regular again, purposefully ignoring Hoseok. The other man had no right to steal his customers just because of personal dislike, Hyungwon also still gave him drinks although every bone in his body told him to punch the other guy’s face.

“I will, your zombies are the best in the city,” the brown-haired man grinned and lifted his glass, hitting it against Hoseok's. “Let's celebrate the fact that I didn't move in with you, because it's more fun like this!”

Hoseok's face changed and something really vulnerable appeared in his dark eyes, it must've hurt, but the black-haired man glanced over to him and put on an obviously fake smile.

It felt strange to see from his perspective, like the snobby man purposefully hid his facial expressions to appear unbothered and fine although he must have wished for them to move in together.

_It's his boyfriend, the one he mentioned._

Something disturbed Hyungwon about that fact, but he couldn't quite tell what it was.

“Mhm, you're right.” The glasses touched again and Hoseok emptied half of his strong cocktail in a few seconds. Wow.

“Shit, the drink slays, you're the best!” Hyungwon got a thumbs-up before the dude turned to Hoseok and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“So you have five minutes to tell me about the boring stuff you're doing at work and then we will talk about something relevant.” Michal seemed like an asshole too.

_Maybe that's why they fit._

Another huge gulp disappeared in Hoseok's bunny mouth before he started talking.

“I have a few new projects, one of them Tae forced me to take, it's about designing a space with a specific combination of natural and artificial lighting and it's actually really interesting, even though the money I get for it is not nearly enough for this kind of work. I don't know what the client wants it for, but the concept is really unusual, can't wait to see the area and place it will be located in to get more familiar with the given conditions. Yeah, that's basically it, Tae is being Tae and I've completed the one project for the Kafka Museum, let's go together, I can show you the outcome, it's really good.” Hoseok spoke into his glass while playing with the pink straw.

The other man sounded like he really knew what he was talking about, eyes almost turning double the size and all shiny while he spoke. Hoseok must have really loved the job and Hyungwon couldn't help but be intrigued, especially if it was about lighting and natural light. He happened to have a tiny obsession with that.

_Tiny?_

A gigantic obsession. His heartbeat increased in frequency almost instantly and he barely contained the wish to just climb over the counter and join the two men at the other end of the bar. He had requested a similar project, the design of a room specifically for his needs. It was impossible to count the hours he had thought about what exactly he needed and how he wanted the room to look. Only in two months time he was going to be able to save up the right amount.

_Somehow that makes him more likable._

His eyes switched to Michal while washing a few cocktail glasses that Elena had brought from the vacated tables. His regular seemed less fascinated by the whole thing.

“I don't like museums. And I also don't care about light. You just turn it on and you turn it off. Actually, it's the best if you turn it off.” The dude grinned, turned Hoseok's face and caught his bottom lip with his teeth, earning a panicked stare from the latter.

Wow, Michal was definitely not one who minded public displays of affection. Hyungwon couldn't care less, so he just continued washing the next glass while feeling disappointed about the change of topic. He would have preferred it if they had talked more about room arrangements. Hoseok seemed to be very knowledgeable even if he was a prick.

“My bedroom also has amazing lighting,” Hoseok murmured, but he could still hear it.

“Let's get you another cocktail and go to my place.” Michal patted his shoulder and ordered another zombie.

_Two zombies are pretty heavy though._

“You sure that ya won't have to carry him home after that?” Hyungwon asked but already poured the first bit of rum into a new glass.

“Can you make it lighter?” the muscular prick asked, already sounding tipsy and staring into his eyes way longer than appropriate.

“Sure,” Hyungwon replied and kept the next two types of rum as minimal as possible while keeping the taste. He added a tiny hint more grenadine and tangerine to compensate and mixed the whole thing in the blender with ice.

_Why does it sound like Michal is trying to get him drunk? Drunk sex sucks._

“But you're really fun when you're drunk,” Hoseok's boyfriend said while dipping his hand somewhere under the counter and obviously making the muscular man uncomfortable.

“Don't do it here,” the black-haired man whispered and caught the other man's hand.

“Then drink it fast, pay, and let's go.”

Hoseok looked genuinely uncomfortable, especially with the way he held onto Michal’s hand, fingers shaking a little in addition to his reduced coordination. The brown-haired man had said that he enjoyed the other’s drunk appearance, but it just seemed vulnerable to Hyungwon.

“Can't ya let him drink my work of art in peace? I'm still waiting for some praise,” he remarked and grinned at Michal, licking over his lips to not be too obvious in his inability to mind his own business.

Hoseok took the glass, still staring at him for no reason and took a big gulp before looking to the side again.

“Why don't you want to go to my place? I really want to show you.”

“Because you'll only talk about architecture, I'll be bored to death and then you get all sad because I won't stay over. So just drink and let's go.” Hoseok's relationship was not what people considered a happy get together.

_Holy shit, it's like the dude doesn't care._

Had it been Hyungwon's business he would have loved to point out that love involved mutual interest or at least the attempt to understand why the significant other liked something. Hoseok’s facial expression just made Hyungwon want to stroke his hair and ask about architecture and lighting.

_You're a sap, Hyungwon. A tattooed, pierced and scary looking sap._

And that was exactly the reason why first impressions were just bullshit.

“Can I get you something, Michal?” he asked and couldn't help his frown at the way Hoseok attempted to make his carefully prepared cocktail disappear.

“No, but I'll use the bathroom,” the brown-haired man replied with a wink and disappeared towards the back of the bar, leaving him alone with Hoseok.

_Mind your own business, Hyungwon._

“What is so special about the architecture in your apartment? I remember that ya mentioned it last time, pointing out ya did it all by yourself,” he spoke out and dried a few stray glasses that he had just washed. It looked like he was busy instead of attempting to pull information out of the tipsy man.

“Do you really want to know?” Hoseok stared at him for a couple of seconds before drinking half of his cocktail and resting his ridiculously pale face on both palms.

“I really like how things seem different if you change the lighting, so I arranged the rooms and combined artificial with natural lighting by changing the shape of my windows and placing certain objects in the way of the light, just like adjusting the glass I used for the windows. I really like my bedroom a lot, it gives you the feeling that you're outside but that everything has a more prominent shape? Due to the shades? I mean- if you take sculptures for example, they express different sides and emotions if you change the light, so it's really important for how you see things, especially if you see them every day.” Sighing, Hoseok licked over his lips and stared into his glass again. “I don't know why I'm telling you all that.”

“It sounds fabulous, seeing it would be rad,” Hyungwon replied before he could stop himself and hoped that the black-haired man wouldn't make fun of him later, pointing out that he was dumb and knew nothing or something similarly judgemental. There was something cute to the way Hoseok stared at his glass and leaned forward, cheeks a little puffier from the way they rested on the other man's palms. The sight made it difficult to resist and remain unbothered.

“D’you like the cocktail?” he asked to have something on his side for protection if necessary.

“Wait, but weren't you at my house? Or was it a dream? Ah- wait- you were there, but I closed the door because you didn't want to look at my pyjamas!” Hoseok was tipsy as fuck, it was hilarious.

Hyungwon sucked his lip piercing into his mouth to not laugh right into the other man's face. The pyjamas had been the least of his problems.

“I didn't mind your pyjamas, they just left no room for imagination,” he replied with a shrug and carefully peeled Hoseok’s hands from the cocktail. The other man had definitely drunk enough. Pouring the rest into the sink inconspicuously, he smiled brightly and leaned forward to make it possible for the black-haired man to focus on his face properly. “Maybe ya can just show me the next time ya have a ridiculously specific order for sushi.”

“What do you mean no room for imagination? They also look good in the lighting, especially in the bedroom, oh and there's also a big mirror and if you don't wear anything you can see the muscle definition as if your body is a sculpture, like my favourite one, it's really stunning how the light can shape an object.” The other man looked a little sad after Hyungwon had poured his cocktail into the sink. “I think I need to pay, I can't stop talking. How much is it?”

It was too much information, way too much information, especially the part about standing naked in front of the mirror and bodies looking like sculptures. Hyungwon could basically imagine the way the other man's muscles bulged with each motion, how his bicep looked when he curled his arm around his own waist or the way a few veins were visible when he brushed through his hair. His imagination was too good when it came to human bodies, too defined even if he knew his own the best.

_Not many people are naked for long enough._

“Do you want to pay for all of them?” he asked and couldn't help the thought that Michal had seemed a little too convinced that his rich boyfriend would pay everything for him.

“Yes, I'm always the one who pays.” Hoseok looked like a child looking up at him and waiting for him to say how much much he had to peel out of his wallet.

“450 crowns,” Hyungwon replied and chewed on his cheek, wondering how much the other man thought it was okay to always pay and how much he felt used. Even if he had a rich friend that bought him things he would have felt bad about constantly letting the other person pay. It felt like using another human for personal benefits. “Do you mind always paying?”

Stretching out a 1k bill, Hoseok smiled.

“Don't know. Should I mind? You can keep the rest, I didn't give you a tip last time.”

Hyungwon would have told him to not overdo it and give an appropriate tip, but he was also kind of desperate and had a deadline, so he merely nodded and said thank you three times, hoping that it was enough.

“I guess you don't have to mind if the other person is thankful,” he muttered eventually and stared towards the bathrooms, wondering if Michal drowned in the toilet. Hyungwon wasn't quite sure he would have minded.

“Are you ready? Can we go?” The man in question appeared, looking a little annoyed and brushing his hair back.

“Yes, just paid. Let's go.” One could see how tipsy the black-haired man was when he got up and had to hold on the bar counter to not fall over. “The cocktail was good,” Hoseok murmured with a smile and left along with his boyfriend.

Hyungwon smiled back but couldn't fight off the feeling of discomfort in his chest. Something was off and he couldn't quite tell what it was. The way both men acted around each other didn't fit the way he had imagined a healthy relationship to be.

If someone showed no interest in the other person and just tried to get them drunk to fuck, they were probably a dick, right?

Probably.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you like the human body, Hoseok?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

He didn't know what hurt more, his head, his arms, probably from lifting Michal till he was satisfied, or his back that felt as if someone had ripped it. His boyfriend must've used his nails again.

_But he likes being close to you like this._

It was fine, really, but it would've been nice if he had let him stay over, instead of calling a cab as soon as they were done.

_You were drunk from that cocktail._

_Wait._

_Hyungwon. Hyungwon mixed it._

He facepalmed, hard, remembering how the fully tattooed boy must've heard the intimate talk between him and his boyfriend, how he had asked him about lighting to make fun of him and how Hoseok told him the story of his life like an idiot. Including standing naked in front of the mirror because his muscle definition looked gorgeous.

_There's a reason why you're drinking wine, in pyjamas, at home. You're not suitable for conversation when drunk._

“Shit,” he cursed but reconsidered, jumping up to his feet instead and regretting it immediately with how his circulation didn't consider it a good idea.

_It's all his fault. He probably mixed something into the cocktail, and now he can blackmail you because you told him about things you like, and he knows that Michal didn't want to move in with you._

_He has something he can make fun of you with and you gave him tips. Why are you like this, Hoseok?_

He really didn't know why he had to run into the blonde delinquent every time he went outside, but he must've been doing something wrong. For sure.

Looking into his huge mirror, he examined his back that was full of red lines, some of which had dried blood stuck to them. It looked painful and it hurt, but Michal liked it, so it was okay.

The sun shone through the round window and painted his pale, naked body in a pinkish-yellow tone, it looked nice, the scratches didn't look as bad like this.

_He said he wanted to see your house when you get a ridiculously complex sushi delivery again._

_To make fun of you._

Biting down on his lip, Hoseok brushed through his black bangs and moved towards the bathroom, stepping into the shower area that wasn't separated by anything, it was freeing to stand under the water without being surrounded by walls.

After the extensive shower, he put on a white shirt with dark blue jeans that he had bought at the Versace store. The memory brought him back to other memories he didn't want to remember.

_Who let him work there?_

Maybe the tattoos and piercings fit to the edgy image campaign or something.

It took ten minutes to arrive at work because of Friday morning traffic. He had chewed six gums and brushed his teeth four times, but Tae would probably still be able to tell that he had drunk alcohol. Damn it.

“Look who's here, my gorgeous friend, who is pale and nice like powdered sugar.” His best friend danced towards him with a colourful sketch in his hand. Ripping the piece of paper out of the big hand, Hoseok examined the patterns. It was gorgeous. Everything Taehyung did was.

_He's so talented._

“This is absolutely amazing, Tae. We can use it for the interior design project for this attorney. It fits perfectly, you're amazing!” He couldn't help a bright smile at Taehyung’s reaction who curled his arms around his neck and placed a wet kiss on his cheek.

“I love you, Hoseok, even though you must've drunk a bottle of rum. But why would you? Did you and he meet?” Tae asked while narrowing his gaze.

“Yup. Your shirt is nice today.” He tried to change the topic and peeled the other man's arms from his body.

“I don't like him. He's a bad guy, Hoseok. You have to go for coffee with me for upsetting me like this, I don't deserve to be sad in the morning only because you can't be together with a nice person.” There was no message and no logic in his best friend’s monologue, so he just shook his head and placed the beautiful sketch back into Taehyung’s big palm.

“Whatever,” he murmured and closed the distance to his working space, picking the most recent lighting project he was so fascinated with and opened his laptop to write an email regarding the first meeting to get familiar with the area and building the space was located in.

_

 

“The espresso was amazing, it's as if the coffee beans exist as an army of tiny little babies, who get roasted, shredded and boiled for us to have a really nice day! It makes me feel really good because they worked hard.” Taehyung didn't make any sense, in fact Hoseok had given up on imagining all the things his best friend talked about for his own mental health.

“Tae, it's just coffee, okay? They grow it, they harvest them, roast them and brew them. I'm also thankful if it's worth the money and doesn't taste like water someone soaked the raw beans in.” They walked through the shopping center towards the exit before Taehyung grabbed his wrist all of a sudden and pulled him somewhere.

“Look, it's my friend!” Hoseok couldn't even gasp as the other man used an insane amount of strength to pull him into a shop.

The Versace shop.

Damn it.

“It must be fate, look, it's Hyungwon, we haven’s seen each other for such a long time! You must be my lucky charm, Hoseok!” Tae exclaimed and ignored his attempts to pull him back.

“No, it's not lucky, Taehyung, it's bad, I don't want to go there, we have to work, let's go back, okay? I'll do something that you really want, please, let's go, come on,” he begged, voice quiet but loud enough for his best friend to hear exactly what he had said.

“Good, I really want to say hello to Hyungwon. Hey Hyungwon!” Hoseok wanted to die, stopping in the middle of the pavement and glancing to the side with his palm covering his eyes. He wanted to teleport back into his office, or home, or wherever the tattooed blonde boy wasn't.

“‘Sup Tae? You doin’ good?” he heard the annoying boy's graveyard voice, quickly followed by a chuckle. “I see ya brought Hoseok along too. Are ya okay after drinking like that yesterday?”

_You can't even pretend at this point._

Staring to the side, he closed the distance and curled his fingers around Taehyung’s arm painfully.

“He's doing amazing and he actually has to work, so he just wanted to say hello, which he did, so have fun doing what you like.” He tried to pull his best friend which resulted in the other man's yelp and a stare that made him regret the tight grip.

“That hurt. I'm not going to work like this and I wanted to talk to Hyungwon. He's your friend too, why are you panicking? You drank together yesterday? I thought you met the person I don't like.” At this point Taehyung would've started to tell a story about how he hated Michal and how he was using other people and brought nothing but sad feelings. Hoseok needed to go.

“Do ya mean Michal? Yeah, he did drink with him and they had a great time together and all. I work at a bar, so it didn't involve me at all, Tae. He feels uncomfortable around my scrawny self, so ya don't have to force him to hang around.” The blonde guy’s voice changed a little as he talked, almost like he wished to convince Tae. “Just give me a proper hug before leaving. Also, ya should really work on the pants you're wearing, I'd have something way better for you.”

Hoseok felt uncomfortable. The kind of uncomfortable when he couldn't be mean to people Taehyung liked. He looked up to focus on Hyungwon's face. The boy was playing with the metal in his lip, chewing on it and folding clothes on the counter. His blonde bangs were hanging into his huge eyes and he looked young. Suddenly the big brown orbs stared right into his and he almost choked from the surprise and lowered his gaze immediately after feeling his eyes widen.

“I- it's not that I'm- I just talked way too much about irrelevant things and I was tipsy. Really tipsy,” he admitted quietly and tugged at Taehyung’s shirt with the pattern that could've been called ‘Eye cancer - by Gucci’ or something similar. He hoped that his friend realized that he wanted to leave. Now.

“Oh, can you show me nice pants? They have to be comfy and look good when I don't wear shoes, because I hate shoes.” His best friend completely ignored him and walked over to Hyungwon, curling his huge hand around the other man's thin arm.

Hoseok could feel eyes on his for a few moments until the blonde hummed in agreement.

“I'll be quick. I'm pretty awesome at finding what suits others if I dare say so myself,” the other man's low voice pointed out and he pulled at the fabric of Taehyung’s loose pants, giving him the possibility of figuring out his body form. It was basically impossible with how his friend's pants resembled a gigantic skirt. “Those blue jeans look good on your friend. He should know that being tipsy is nothing to be ashamed off, I also do dumb shit when I drink.”

_‘Dumb shit’ like talking to a twenty-year-old school drop out about the architecture of your house and what your body looks like when you're naked in front of the mirror. Sure._

“I'm not ashamed about being tipsy,” he commented and wanted to stay where he was or say that he would wait outside but being friends with Taehyung didn't include being comfortable in one's own skin, so he was immediately called to the fitting rooms.

He sat down on one of the black, comfortable arm-chairs and waited until his best friend was ready while trying not to look at the Versace employee-bartender-delivery guy who sat down on the armrest.

_He doesn't know personal space, does he?_

He was slim and tall, Hoseok could see his tattooed forearms and some ink through the cuts on his black jeans. Hyungwon had a darker skin tone, almost a caramel colour and the shadows on his face emphasized his facial features nicely. But not quite the right way.

He must've been drunk still with how his fingers touched the other man's shoulder and pushed the slim figure a little away from himself, watching how the light adjusted on his face and created a perfect shadow. Realizing what he had done, he felt his eyes widen and tried to come up with an excuse, but there was none.

“Oh, did you just do shadow-play with him? That means he likes you, Hyungwon,” Taehyung commented while walking out of the fitting room. Hoseok wanted to disappear.

“Thanks- I guess,” the blonde murmured, eyes turning even bigger until he glanced away and chewed on his cheek. Despite being surprised, the tattooed boy remained in place on the armrest. “I doubt that he likes me though, too much evidence against it by now.”

Tae was busy turning around in circles in front of the mirror and that must have been enough to catch Hyungwon's attention as he finally stood up and paused the eager man's movements by placing his ridiculously long fingers on his shoulders.

“Stay in place, so I can take a look.” It was quiet for a few moments as the blonde pulled at the fabric of Tae’s jeans a little and attempted to place two fingers between his best friend's hips and the waistband of the jeans. “They seem rather good on ya, just the right tightness to be comfortable while emphasizing your body type. Unless you want something even more loose of course, but I think ya should show your behind more instead of the curtains you usually wear.”

Hoseok just stared at both of them before standing up and leaning against the wall next to the mirror.

“They fit you. Let's take them.” He hoped that Taehyung was satisfied and would come with him without any further comment.

_Do you really believe it or do you want to believe it?_

He just wanted to go home, or to work, just somewhere for God's sake.

“Hoseok only looks and acts like a bad person, but he's actually really soft, like this one time in middle school when he-" That had been the sign to jump and shut Tae up by placing his palm in front of the other man's face and pushing him back into the fitting room. “Let's change silently and go to work, okay?” he hissed before closing the door and turning around.

“You're pretty sensitive, Mr. Lee,” Hyungwon remarked and picked another pair of pants out that he threw over the door of the changing cubicle for Tae to try on. “Don't be mean to Tae because you feel uncomfortable, I won't rip ya off and I won't poison you for hanging around either if that's what you're so edgy about.”

_What? Edgy?_

Hoseok really hated the guy. Him and his stupid side profile and its pretty shadow.

“I'm not ‘edgy’, I just don't want my best friend to tell people personal information about me. People who then think they know me only because I've bought pants and drank a cocktail, talking while being tipsy like an idiot.” He felt really helpless for no fucking reason and it was bad, he needed to leave. “See you at work, I'm leaving,” he murmured towards the cubicle Taehyung was changing in and walked towards the exit while chewing on his lip.

“Don't abandon him like an asshole just because of me, Hoseok,” Hyungwon called after him and moved a few steps towards him before stopping. “Only selfish cowards do that.”

_Asshole._

“I'm not a coward and you're not in any position to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. Mind your own business,” he hissed back and walked out, picking up pace until he had left the store and ran down the escalator, stepping outside and taking a deep breath.

_That's exactly the reason why you shouldn't talk about anything with random people. They just use the fact to tell you what to do._

Grabbing his phone, he wrote Taehyung that he was waiting outside and sat down at one of the tables of a cafe that was located outside of the huge building. It was nice, and he had the feeling that he could breathe. It was good.

 

_

 

The beautiful designer pillow flew over his couch, hitting the black sideboard before falling to the ground.

_Is it so bad? Why are you like this, just order._

He was so hungry, so incredibly hungry, but he didn't eat anything besides sushi. From this one place. It was the only place he knew in the neighbourhood and their sushi was awesome in addition to the fact that they had made all of his extra wishes possible. Every time.

_He works there once a week probably._

He had already calculated that Hyungwon should've had a free day because he worked at the sushi place on Wednesday, at the Versace shop on Friday and Monday and at the bar on Thursday. He should have been free on Sunday and Saturday.

_Right?_

Grabbing his phone, he clicked on the delivery option furiously and copy pasted his last order, sending it off before throwing the device on the couch and catapulting a black silk pillow right after it.

_So what? He won't come, Hoseok, you're paranoid. He's just a 20-year-old part time worker who didn't get education. Your reaction is ridiculous._

He wanted to change his silk pyjamas but slammed the door of his wardrobe so hard that it echoed through the whole house.

_You won't change, and you will drink wine and you will do what you always do. The end._

He spent the next forty minutes staring at the door like an idiot.

_That's because you're hungry._

He really was, and he also jumped up after hearing the doorbell because he was hungry, leaving his wine on the table and opening the door wide and waiting to get his favorite food.

“Good evening,” a familiar low voice commented, followed by a bright smile that spread the ridiculously thick lips so that they appeared less so. Hyungwon was wearing a loose t-shirt that looked like he picked it up at a flea market for 50 crowns in addition to self-ripped jeans and sneakers that had seen better days. The cut of the blonde man's shirt showed a bit more ink than usual.

_You should move._

He closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them again and encountering the same bright smile. Hyungwon must've been in a good mood.

_Good for him._

“Hi. How- how much?” he asked, looking at a complex looking pattern on the other man's collarbone. It would've looked really interesting if put under proper lighting with how the prominent body part would've thrown a shadow.

“Listen- this might seem really weird to ya, but I get pretty upset about missed opportunities and you mentioned it last time so…” The blonde man played with the piecing in his lower lip and pulled it into his mouth as he glanced past Hoseok into his hallway, seeming a tiny bit unsure. “Do you think I could see the lighting and arrangement of your apartment? Then I'll take the cash and leave, pinky promise and all that shit.” Hyungwon was holding the sushi under his arm casually and placed the other hand into one of his pockets. When Hoseok didn't answer immediately he could see how a pierced tongue licked over plump lips.

_Is there something that's not pierced?_

“Do you have more holes in your body?” Realizing what the hell he just asked, he couldn't help his own reaction and started gesturing with his hands furiously. “No, no that's not what I meant, I- you- you want to see my lighting? Sure, just look and then I'll give you the money and you can go.” He wanted to punch himself after opening the door and letting the tall blonde boy enter.

“I sure do have more holes in my body,” Hyungwon whispered with a grin and stepped into his hallway, placing the delivery box with sushi at the side.

_Oh god._

The tall man walked through his hall with obvious interest, looking around and turning his head until he stopped in front of the first sculpture and froze in place, staring at it without a word.

_Because Homme is amazing._

“I have more, I'm a fan of this artist. I made special light arrangements for the sculptures because they show so much more if one works with shadows and highlighting specific points. If I had unlimited money I would buy everything.” Hoseok chuckled until he realized what kind of situation he was in, he had invited a delivery guy to look at the outcome of his passion with lighting architecture and engineering.

_Why are you like this? No-one is really interested in that. Besides Tae._

“But yeah, that has nothing to do with the main concept, it's just something personal,” he muttered and waited for Hyungwon to follow.

“Could you- show me the other sculptures?” the blonde man said, uncharacteristically quiet for the way he usually spoke. “It looks fascinating, it is- different. May I see the rest?” Long fingers brushed through blonde hair and flattened it at the back.

_He likes it too?_

Hoseok couldn't hide his surprise but there was something deep inside that led his body to his bedroom, where he kept most of his sculptures because of the perfect natural light and the combination with his white and yellow spotlights, accompanied by the huge reflection potential of his gigantic mirror.

“Here, a lot of them are here, there are two in the living room and another two in my workspace. This is the newest one.” He pointed at the black cube he put the marble figure on. It contrasted nicely with the colour of the sculpture and was complemented by the shadows he had created to that made him want to remove the hand from the sculpture’s face even more. The longing was real, he loved it.

“I really like it, when I saw it for the first time I really wanted-" He stopped, checking himself to stop talking. People got easily bored with his little obsession. “Either way, the mirror and the huge, round window were put in combination with the spots to create the shaping of the objects.”

“You wanted to remove the hand, didn't you?” Hyungwon asked and exhaled slowly, stepping closer to the sculpture and examining it carefully. As if the other man wished to see it from all angles he moved around it, glancing up to the light once in a while just like to the windows. “It must look different in daylight. How did you do this?”

_How does he know that?_

“Yes, I did and I still want to, but you're right, daylight is a different story, it looks more alive. In the night it creates the feeling that it's static, the shadows don't move, they're just there and emphasize the shape whereas in the daylight the art moves, especially with the rough surface of this piece. In the morning it looks different than when the sun goes down slowly, it's beautiful actually. I spent a lot of time to make it work. I think I spent one year alone looking for houses I could rebuild, where the architecture allowed me to change the windows. The artificial lights were arranged in a specific angle, you have to know your objects and the way light works very well, I- I'm glad that you like it. Do you like it?” Hoseok needed to shut up, but it was so nice to talk about things he liked.

“Yes, a lot,” the blonde boy murmured and reached out, stopping right when the shadow of his hand fell on the occluded face of the sculpture, adding darkness to the expression. “But I guess my opinion won't matter much to you.” Pulling his long fingers back and slipping them into the pockets of his jeans, Hyungwon looked around again, big eyes landing on the gigantic mirror in the middle of the room.

“It depends. I can't tell whether you really like it or if you're just making fun of it. I don't know you,” he muttered and focused his gaze on Hyungwon's tall figure that stood in front of his mirror. Again, his mind-body control went somewhere far away, and he took the other man's skinny shoulders and adjusted his position, pushing him to the front and a little sideways to achieve a beautiful shadow combination. It looked gorgeous, especially with how his light hair and caramel skin looked with the different reflected lights.

_What are you doing?_

“Oh, sorry, it just- the shadows, they weren't optimal and now they are. It works even better if you do it in daylight, or if you don't wear clothes and then you turn this off-" Hoseok went to the side and shut down the yellow spots and the overhead lighting, leaving only two bluish lights on that created a stunning picture with Hyungwon in the middle, covered by shadows of different sizes and shapes. It was overwhelming.

“Yes, this. It's-" He really wanted to say something, but he just kept staring like a creep.

The blonde man's eyes widened as he looked into the mirror, lips parting but no real sound came out, just a shaky breath. A few seconds of silence filled the air, heavy in the almost darkness. It was surprising when big, brown eyes met his through the mirror, some of the light reflected through the iris.

“Do you like the human body, Hoseok?” the other man's low voice asked as he lifted a slim hand to his face, mimicking the gesture of the sculpture next to him.

It was weird but looking at Hyungwon's hand made it seem as if the artist had taken the blonde boy as a model for the sculpture.

“It depends on the angle. It's an object and you can make it seem different depending on the tools you use, I find it fascinating and-" He stopped and tilted his head, trying to look through the spaces between the other man's fingers, but there was only darkness. It felt the same somehow. “How about you?” He closed the distance and leaned in, trying to get a glimpse without taking Hyungwon's hand.

“It's all I ever think about,” was the quiet reply as the blonde man still didn't move, only his chest rose and fell with each breath.

_He thinks about the human body?_

“Do you want me to show you?” Hoseok asked suddenly when a thought crossed his mind. “I can see without touching you,” he said quietly due to the proximity. Walking over to the panel, he turned off the blue spots covering everything in complete darkness besides the moonlight that was reflected in the huge mirror. Recognizing the angle and remembering the arrangement of the white LED’s, he turned the intensity low and picked one, moving it with the buttons on the panel until it reached the position he wanted. He turned it on, illuminating it slowly until he could see Hyungwon's big brown eyes looking at him from in between his thin and long fingers and his mouth slightly open, a little wet from licking over it.

“Amazing,” he whispered.

The young man swallowed and Hoseok could see how his lips moved at the motion.

“I wish I could see it,” he whispered eventually and closed the spaces between his fingers, taking away the sight and the reflection in his eyes, much like he was hiding it. Just like the sculptures did.

“I can show you. Step to the side.” Hoseok moved the second light down the mirrored surface, adjusting to his height before he stepped next to the blonde boy and put his hand in front of his face, much like the sculpture he had studied for a long time. The light was adjusted perfectly, so that he could see his own eyes, before he looked at Hyungwon's reflection in the mirror.

The other man just stared at him, lips parted and big eyes travelling along his features, over the light that reflected in his eyes and his hand, over his shoulders and chest and finally along his legs. It almost looked like the other man was memorizing it, stepping to the side to see it from a different angle. Each motion was slow and careful, as if he was afraid of breaking the moment, of changing even a bit of Hoseok's position.

“I have no words for this,” Hyungwon murmured eventually. Hoseok didn't know how much time might have passed with each step that the tall boy took around his illuminated body in the middle. It felt strange.

_What are you doing, Hoseok? You wanted sushi, why are you standing in front of your mirror while the delivery boy is running around you?_

He couldn't explain it, but it seemed as if they saw the same things, even though the blonde boy was obviously everything he was not.

“I- I honestly have no idea why I am like this,” he muttered and let his hand fall to his side. He wanted to go to the light switch, but he just stood there, staring at Hyungwon, who was looking at him.

“I asked you to, sorry if it was too much,” Hyungwon murmured and stepped closer to the door, pressing the light switch and covering both of them in bright light, returning everything back to what it really was.

He panicked. It was as if he had shown something he shouldn't have and someone had turned on the spotlight, showing everything at once. On his face. Everything was on his face.

“It's- it's fine, so, how much was it? And my wine- it's probably warm.” He turned around and walked out of his bedroom, through the hallway and grabbed his glass and downed it, searching for his wallet he had thrown somewhere. Lifting three pillows, he found it under one of them, pulling out a 2k bill and waiting for Hyungwon to take it and forget about everything he had said or shown him.

“That's- that's too much, it's just 1000 crowns,” the blonde man remarked and fixed his shirt on his shoulders, loose on his slim frame.

“It's fine, I don't have anything smaller, it's nice that you wanted to see it, but you probably have to go, and I also have to- eat and go to bed, so- have a nice evening, I guess.” Pushing the tall, blonde boy towards the door, Hoseok opened it and thanked him once again before closing it and leaning against the heavy metal, as if the other man would've come inside if he didn't.

The problem was that Hyungwon had already seen something that made him vulnerable. That sucked, he needed to concentrate on the important things, like work and his boyfriend. Panicking, he grabbed his phone from the couch and dialed the familiar number, but no-one picked up. As always.

_Just eat and sleep._

After he had eaten the well prepared sushi, he lay in bed and watched how the moonlight moved over the rough surface of the sculpture, reminding him of the way Hyungwon had looked staring at him through the mirror.

_Buy a new sculpture._

But he really liked that one.

 

***

 

Hyungwon stared at the way his sneakers looked on the first stone step, completely out of place, much like his whole self in the area. It looked like a reminder, the way his sole was a little loose on the right one and his black sock peeked through. It was almost ironic how prefect the stone was in comparison, not even a single crack.

_He just threw you out, didn't he?_

His heart was beating fast, all the way to his ears and lips, unable to calm down. He hoped the images would stay, the way the other man had looked in the minimal light, how his arm had reached upwards covering his face. It had been the exact same gesture, the one he had done in front of the mirror, but it had looked so different. What Hoseok had expressed with the way he had stood in the middle of his bedroom, eyes illuminated by the blue light, reflected in the mirror, it had been utterly different from what Hyungwon had shown. It was fascinating, and he wanted to stay, to remain in the same room and look, to engrave the sight into memory.

_You're afraid to forget._

He kept recalling the images, even when he jumped on his motorcycle and drove back to the delivery center. His mind was imagining the way Hoseok's muscles must have looked under the silk of his pyjamas, contracted throughout the motion, when he was yelled at for taking 40 minutes to return from a job that should have taken fifteen. He recalled the way the black-haired man had been able to arrange the light in his apartment, seeing something that Hyungwon wasn't able to.

It was frustrating, so damn frustrating because he knew for certain that he probably wouldn't be able to see it again. It was a one time sight, something rare and precious that Hoseok believed he didn't deserve.

_Because he thinks you are a delinquent._

When he finished his last delivery at 2 AM, he should have gone home and made sure to get enough sleep, but he didn't. Instead he drove to the university quarter, parking his motorcycle next to a mass of bicycles although he wasn't allowed to and sneaking his way past the elderly man sleeping at the entrance. The small student room was on the second level, not too high up and the stairs didn't squeak when Hyungwon made his way up, hands holding onto the railing in case his body gave up on him.

He was tired, but he couldn't forget, he wasn't allowed to, not before he had at least created a sketch. Fumbling the key to the student room out of his back pocket, he stepped inside and inhaled the familiar scent of stone and gypsum. It felt like home, calm and relaxing.

The single light bulb hanging from the ceiling without a shade or other lighting was simply pathetic compared to what he had seen today. Whatever Hoseok was capable of, the other man was beyond anything Hyungwon could have ever afforded, even if he saved for most of his life.

_You can't wait that long anymore._

He washed his hands at the tiny sink on the left side before he entered the room and made sure not to push over any of the pieces he was currently working on. Incomplete bodies, undefined faces and photos were spread out over the remaining student furniture that he had pushed to the sides and turned around because he wasn't allowed to remove it all together.

_Make a draft._

He played with the barbell in his tongue and moved it over his bottom lip as he grabbed an only partially blank piece of paper and a pencil he found in his pen box. Closing his eyes, he attempted to recall the image, the way Hoseok's face had been covered by the muscular arm, definition visible on the small bits of skin that he was able to see. The other man's posture had been straight, back tilted a little and one leg positioned further to the side than the other.

_It wasn't the same at all._

The pencil touched the paper as he attempted to recreate the image in his mind, the curve of the black-haired man's spine, the tilt of his wrist and the expression of his body. One draft followed the next as Hyungwon drew and drew, trying out different angles to get all the images on paper and turn them into something reproducible.

He didn't know how much time had passed when he filled the fourth sheet of paper and finally returned the pencil to the box with pens, staring at the various sketches and attempts to put his memories on the sheets. He couldn't do it justice and reproduce it on paper.

_But maybe you can on stone._

A few rays of sunshine entered through the tiny window on the opposite wall of the room. It reminded Hyungwon of a prison, like a small tease of what was outside and what could be if the window was bigger, or the room was positioned differently.

_You'll get there, Hyungwon. You already have the place, you just need someone to perfect it._

The longer he stared at the few rays that passed through the glass and covered the opposite wall in light, the more he wished that a muscular and insufferably intolerant man would be willing to do it, to arrange his work space just like he needed it.

But sadly Hyungwon was a realist.

_He'd never do it, not for you._

_

 

“I'm still thinking about how to express how much I hate her in a song, but no word is good enough,” Kihyun muttered next to him and crushed his can of beer with his bare hand, throwing it towards a trashcan a few metres away and hitting it as if he hadn't doubted it for even a second.

“She probably just hates that ya have an exciting life despite studyin’ while she wears glasses, plays good gal and can't live out all of her nasty thoughts,” Hyungwon replied and shifted on the stone steps that he was sitting on. Kihyun and him had finally met up after weeks, partially due to his best friend studying and partially due to his countless part time jobs.

“Fuck you, Hyungwon, I don't want to think about my sister having inappropriate thoughts, I'm just tired of having to argue about who gets more allowance for studying. It's bullshit,” his friend exclaimed and threw his head to the side, just enough to show the clear line of his undercut, emphasising his sharp features. Hyungwon liked it, much more than the previous good boy, mushroom look his friend had been going for.

He took a drag from the joint between his index and middle finger and focused on the way his body relaxed a little, usual tension disappearing and making way for something else. He had no idea whose stairs they were sitting on, but it probably didn't matter with how late it was. Handing Kihyun the joint, he sighed.

“Can't ya just get yourself a small job? Then ya won't have to pull all those bills out of them, could be independent and do ya own thing then,” he offered and tried to put himself into his friends’ shoes. The other always worried about his grades suffering from a having part time job. Maybe he had a point, but Hyungwon didn't know. Studying just wasn't his forte. “Maybe you should just try to get some gigs with the band. Ya guys are good and ya had that one performance last year. I'd totally support ya.”

“You would come just to laugh at me looking short on stage, that's not support,” Kihyun muttered and slapped his back hard enough to make him cough a few times before the other man inhaled himself. Leaning back on the cold stone, he took another drag from the joint. “I don't know, I got the confidence, but people are ignorant assholes and don't give you a chance unless you have the contacts.”

_True that._

Hyungwon hummed in agreement and took the joint from his friend’s fingers as a red car turned around the corner, driving surprisingly slow. He was just about to turn back to Kihyun when the window was rolled down and he could barely make out a rather familiar pale face, mostly hidden by black hair.

“Go home kids, it's late.”

_For fuck’s sake._

Suddenly Hyungwon wished to express his anger by crushing a can of beer too, just to feel how the metal gave out.

_And that's why he would never do you the favour or even show you the lighting arrangements again. You see it each time, a perfect sign of what he thinks of you._

Except for that one time.

“Do you know that fucker?” he heard his friend's voice next to him, unbothered and occupied with peeling the joint out of his long fingers.

“Nah, no idea,” Hyungwon muttered in reply and sucked his lip piercing into his mouth.

_You only really know what his posture can express under minimal light._

 

_

 

Hyungwon was staring at his mom’s bedroom door, trying to contain his excitement. His open email account contained one unopened message that seemed to mock him for his inability to see if it’s content would bring the euphoria he so desperately hoped for.

And scared because the last three were rejections.

Taking a deep breath, he knocked. It was too early but intense emotions had to be shared and now was the perfect example for that.

There was no answer, so he opened the door and snuck in, making his way past new boxes until he reached the bed.

“Mom,” he whispered to wake the blonde woman carefully. “I got another email from an architect, another one that specializes in light.”

“Mhm? You did? So, what did they say? Will they do it?” His mother was lying on the bed, curled up in a blanket but murmured her answer immediately even though she must've been tired as fuck.

“I don't know, I haven’t opened it yet. They said yes before, I told you, but I'm scared he changed his mind. All the others said I pay too little,” he murmured and let his thumb circle over the email, wondering what he was going to do if it was a rejection after all. The others had requested a ridiculous amount and he was never going to be able to save that up in the next two months.

“But why would he suddenly change his mind if he had agreed before. It doesn't make sense, right? Just open it and see what happens,” she commented and chuckled.

_Don't be an idiot, Hyungwon. Don't know if you don't check._

He chuckled at himself and just opened the email, eyes instantly scanning the lengthy words, formulated in fancy official language but the message was almost too good to be true.

“Holy shit, he wants to meet up as soon as possible to see the space, mom, holy fuck,” he muttered and read through the whole thing again, just to make sure. The smile on his face almost hurt with how it pulled his lips apart. He scrolled lower to the signature and read through the name of the studio and the responsible architect, just to feel how the smile fell as quickly as it had appeared.

_Lee Hoseok. It's Lee Hoseok._

_Wait._

He sucked air into his lungs while telling himself to stay cool. How many Lee Hoseoks could there be? It was just too much of a coincidence.

He could feel his mother's eyes on his as he quickly googled the name of the bureau for architecture and opened their homepage, scrolling down.

Just to be met with a familiar pale face, framed by back hair and an impossibly bright smile, one he hadn't seen yet.

_It's him, it's fucking him._

Hyungwon was a hypocrite, he should have been happy, fucking ecstatic even. There was something about the way Hoseok saw light, had a feeling for it and the way it needed to be arranged. It was fascinating and there was nobody else he would have wanted more.

_But he won't do it, because it's you._

“What's wrong, baby? Isn't it amazing that he wants to meet? You're going towards your goal, you can't use this terrible working space forever. It will be amazing, just meet up and tell him what you need.” He felt a warm palm on his back while his mother's green eyes examined his face.

“He's the shit, probably the best person that I could have considered for the job. There is just the tiny little problem that he kinda hates me,” he replied and covered his face with his palms, frustrated at his lack of luck with this. Why did Tae have to introduce them?

_Maybe you can just pretend it's not for you but for someone else?_

“You know him? How? And how do you know that he hates you, shouldn't he be professional and all that?” There was a soft chuckle before slim arms curled around his waist. “You're a smart boy and you'll definitely figure this out. Just make sure to get the best outcome! It's something that you've wanted for such a long time.”

“Thanks, mum.” He let himself be hugged and thought about how to answer. He should still be himself in the email but point out that ‘someone else’ would show the black-haired man the studio, that was probably the smartest.

_Just make sure you keep him, you can't lose this opportunity, Hyungwon._

 

_

 

Hyungwon had never felt so nervous in his whole life, not when he dropped out of school to earn money and do art and not when he attempted to get jobs at sixteen. Neither of those was comparable to standing outside of the building in which he had rented a studio that he was allowed to change as he liked, preferably so that he achieved the perfect mixture of artificial and natural lighting.

_You wrote him a whole fucking essay with your shitty skills in expressing yourself._

Hyungwon had no idea how such agreements worked for architects, but he really hoped that the other man wasn’t allowed to turn around and say no, just because he saw his face.

_If he does, he's really an asshole and you better make sure to tell him that._

He saw how the fancy, red car turned around the block and parked next to the building. As expected the door opened and Hoseok stepped out, wearing a black button down with a suit jacket and tight, red chinos with black Chelsea boots. His hair was styled up this time, showing more of the other man's pale face. Leaning in, Hoseok pulled a file from the front seat and closed the door, moving towards the entrance. It took a couple of seconds for the professional gaze to change to something different and highly unreadable as soon as the black-haired man spotted him.

“Hyungwon? What are you doing here?”

“Waiting for you,” he replied and pushed himself off the wall, feeling ridiculously underdressed with his light blue ripped jeans, especially on his thighs, and plain white t-shirt. “I was asked to show you the studio.”

“You? You will show me?” Hoseok looked hesitant but followed him nevertheless. “How come we're meeting up almost every day? Isn't it weird considering we’re basically strangers? But on a professional note I see why you seemed to have some knowledge and interest in the stuff I showed you. The client is an artist, right? I read his description and I really liked it.”

“Yeah, he is,” Hyungwon replied, feeling weird talking about himself in third person. He never had to do that before, not even once. “I just like it, so I'm interested.” Chewing on his cheek, he opened the front door and walked up the single flight of stairs, making sure that Hoseok followed him in his fancy attire. The area was nowhere close to where the black-haired man usually hung around. It was difficult to afford it anywhere else and Hyungwon was already happy that the space was big.

“This is it,” he commented before opening the front door with the key, heart beating furiously in his chest although the other man was unexpectedly calm.

Hoseok followed shortly after, immediately looking around, examining the corners of the spacious room and pulling a brown leather notebook out of the file. He opened it and started putting pencil lines on the white paper, moving from one spot to the next with a look of incredible concentration. After finishing the sketch, he moved towards the windows and looked at the construction and glanced outside. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he turned on some app and noted stuff on the next page while not paying attention to him at all.

_He'll really do it, won't he?_

Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip, barely containing the excitement that the other man was really going to do it. His eyes followed Hoseok from one spot in the studio to the next, to the way he held himself, mostly straight and composed. His eyes jumped from the black-haired man's facial features to the way he held his arms up or brushed through a few strands of his hair.

_He's fascinating._

It felt like time wasn't really passing while he watched the other carefully, studying his motions. It was difficult to be satisfied with what the tight clothes provided. It just wasn’t enough, not enough to know the way Hoseok's muscles created fine lines on his skin, contracted and in motion.

_You want him as a model, but that's not what he's here for, Hyungwon. Don't be greedy._

He leaned against the opposite wall and let himself slip down, spreading his legs for comfort and playing with one of the larger holes in his jeans.

After some time, he became aware of Hoseok's gaze. The black-haired man was looking at him intently while still holding his notebook open.

“This might sound strange, but could you stand up and come here?”

“Ehm, sure,” Hyungwon remarked and pulled himself up from the ground, brushing over his jeans nonchalantly on the way to the other man.

“Here,” Hoseok commented and drew a cross with his shoe on the dusty floor.

_He's using you to figure out the light, isn't he?_

Hyungwon swallowed and stepped on the marked spot. It reminded him of the time in Hoseok's bedroom, just way less intense and with way more light. It was early morning after all.

The elegantly dressed man stepped closer and started walking around him, sometimes stepping further away, then leaning in close but always scribbling stuff into his notebook.

“Now turn towards the right window, please, and stretch your arm towards it. I need to see the motion.” The other man's low voice echoed due to the emptiness of the room. “I'm afraid that you have to be my object as nothing else is here.”

“That's fine with me,” Hyungwon replied and thought back to the countless hours that he stood subject for himself, taking pictures while trying to understand various muscle movements. He turned towards the window as requested and focused on the motion, imagining what it looked like and how his arm had to slide through the air to make the most out of it.

“Mhm, that's good. You can put your arm down.” Hoseok walked to the window and stopped, staring at his face for a few seconds before his mouth spread in a bright smile he hadn't seen before. “Let's see if that works out,” the black-haired man murmured and lifted his hand in a smooth motion, placing a shadow right onto his face in the same manner that his sculpture did. “Bingo.”

Hyungwon couldn't help the way the corners of his mouth pulled up, mirroring the bright smile on the older man's face.

“You should smile more,” he remarked and grinned at Hoseok, excited that the other put so much effort into designing the studio for him.

_Just that he doesn't know it's for you._

“Enough games for today, back to business. I will need to come here pretty often to see the daylight at different times, I will need the construction map of the building to determine the possible extent of changes I can make without damaging the structure, and- if the client wants to- also the purpose. It'll be easier for me to create something valuable for him when I know what it's for.” Hoseok went back and packed his notebook back into the file. “Your side profile is quite ok,” he murmured.

_Was that a compliment?_

Hyungwon grinned and walked over to the other man, resting his weight on his shoulder.

“Ya not that bad either. I'll get ya all of that. Want me to send it via email then?”

“Yes, he can send it via email, you don't have mine, or do you? Are you his communication channel?” Hoseok glanced at the spot where Hyungwon rested his arm. “Wow, you react strongly to compliments, must be nice being twenty.” Slipping under his arm like a snake, Hoseok moved towards the exit, turning around briefly before leaving. “Where do you need to go? I can give you a ride.”

Hyungwon had never thought that opinions and feelings towards a person could change in a matter of seconds.

“I got my motorcycle, so I can get around perfectly fine by myself. Ya know, I wouldn't judge people by their age so quickly, or do you consider yourself old? Ya seemed pretty up and easygoing as far as I was able to tell last time,” he remarked and turned the key around his index finger before closing the door behind himself. “Talking about being naked in bedrooms with your boyfriend and all.”

The other man's eyes widened comically before he bit down on his bottom lip.

“And here is the reason why I don't talk about private stuff with people like you. Just tell him to give me the key.” Hoseok turned around and left, walking down the stairs quickly.

_That was childish, Hyungwon, you shouldn't have._

He sighed and leaned against the door of his studio. Why was talking to the other man without getting angry so fucking difficult?

_You could have guessed that talking about his boyfriend was a bad idea._

There shouldn't have been much to guess by how little affection the guy called Michal showed, getting him drunk and disappearing for most of the time just to take Hoseok home and most likely fuck.

_It's none of your business, Hyungwon, don't get involved._

He should have focused on his studio and the fact that he would be able to create in a proper space with perfect lighting, but something told him it wouldn't be as simple as that.

_You want to turn him into art, that's never simple._  
  


_

  

A hot dude was smiling at him from the corner of the bar and the more time passed the longer Hyungwon got the feeling that the brunette must have come for him alone, probably hoping that he wanted to get laid.

He wouldn't have been opposed but he was working and there was a ‘no hookups while working’ policy and he still had three hours to go. That was a little long to wait for a date, even if they knew for sure that he was interested.

_Maybe it's not worth the effort though._

Mixing two sex on the beach cocktails for the couple sitting at the bar, he threw the guy an apologetic smile and hoped that it was enough of a hint.

He worked too much, but it was for a goal and as soon as that goal was reached he could reduce his hours again and work on his project.

_Like the sculpture you made four pages of sketches for._

The door opened, and he was met with a familiar face, only one this time. His brain immediately supplied that it was a regular until the other man got closer, familiar brown hair and brown eyes, just like the bright and easily recognizable grin.

Michal, just without Hoseok this time.

Hyungwon smiled at the other man and already wanted to grab one of the bottles of rum.

“What can I get you boys?” he asked and looked at the dude Michal had brought along. He looked about the other man's age but buffer, shoulders impossibly broad.

“Two Zombies just like always,” the brown-haired man replied with the same grin and curled his fingers around his date’s chin, pulling the guy into a kiss. A very obvious, open-mouthed kiss.

Hyungwon’s hand froze around the bottle of rum as he stared at the two men making out at the bar, not even a single concern apparent on Michal’s face. The longer he stared the more memories returned to him, moments of when the other man had come to the bar and ordered Zombie cocktails.

_Every fucking time and it's always someone else. You saw him suck face in the bathroom before, with at least two different guys._

It wasn't his business and nothing he should have been involved in. Maybe the two of them had broken up and that's why Hoseok had been so sensitive when Hyungwon mentioned the brown-haired man sitting in front of him. There was no reason for him to pay attention to what other people's boyfriends were doing.

_For months, he had been doing it for months._

Hyungwon chewed on his lips, sucking on his piercing, and prepared the two cocktails, focusing on the ingredients instead of what was happening in front of him. He could feel bitter about it but there was no reason for him to get involved.

_You're lucky that he wants to design the light in your studio, don't get even more intertwined with his life._

“There ya go, boys,” he commented with a grin and placed both cocktails in front of Michal and his date, watching the way the brown-haired man drank his slowly while motivating the other man to drink quickly, followed up by innuendos.

_It's the same, exactly the same._

Throughout the next thirty minutes it was difficult to remain focused, to not listen in on the two men's discussions, it was none of his business and mostly sexual. There was no reason for him to do it, but he still did, like some defender of justice or similar bullshit. Who the fuck was he to judge others without knowing anything?

After filling his date up with a second cocktail that Hyungwon purposefully made weaker, Michal praised his skills and disappeared after letting his date pay for all of them.

It felt wrong, terribly wrong.

It seemed like Hyungwon was part of some fucked up conspiracy that everyone knew about except for one of the people involved. It was utterly sick.

_Just hope that you're wrong, you don't really know them both, you know nothing._

Unfortunately, he knew enough to have an idea of decent human behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 24th of October at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You- you don't have to undress completely,” he whispered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

“So, this friend you have, what kind of friend is he?” Hoseok turned the pen in his right hand and analysed the notes he made in addition to a useless pencil sketch of Hyungwon's side profile that had been unprofessional and a waste of time.

_He makes you do dumb stuff. It's absolutely no use for anything you do._

“You mean Hyungwon? I knew you would like him, he's a really nice guy, you know, those who you know immediately that they're nice humans? He is like that. And he's really smart and talented too. You played the shadow game with him, you must like him a lot. He's a much better choice than your bad guy. Are you still dating or are you free now, so I can tell all of my friends who have thirsted after you for the past two years?” Taehyung leaned into his personal space and grabbed him by the collar of his light blue button down. “But Hyungwon has my first blessing because he's the nicest of them all.”

_As if. He's an asshole, just like all the others._

“No, he's not, I hate him,” he murmured and pulled the artist's email from the printer. “I have to deal with him because this artist must like him or whatever, so he sent him to show me the space. But I don't want to. I don't want to see his annoying face and his stick body and the metal hanging all over his face and his stupid smile. Why can't I just live my life in peace? It's like a curse, he brings my sushi, he makes the drinks if I go out once in ten years and he also works at the shop I buy my clothes from. It would be fine if he didn't walk through my house and talk about my sculptures and intertwined with my work on top of everything else.”

He sighed and threw his head back in absolute frustration, especially after the assholish comment about being naked with his boyfriend.

 _Asshole_.

“Oh my god, it's fate, Hoseok, you're tied by fate and you can't go anywhere, and you can't escape, it's beautiful. You just have to get rid of the ballast, and by ballast, I mean the rude asshole you're dating,” Taehyung hissed at him before biting his shoulder playfully.

His best friend hated Michal. A lot. He had tried to give the other man a chance, but it just didn't fit, Michal considered Tae a weirdo and Tae was absolutely sure that his boyfriend was using him and was generally a bad person. It was a struggle.

“Even if Hyungwon, that- person, was the only human on this earth, I'd rather die alone, Tae. Do you understand? He's the worst.”

His best friend glanced at him and narrowed his gaze, leaning intimidatingly close.

“Ah, he's the worst, but still you're here asking me about him and talking about him non-stop. I see, Hoseok, I see.”

_Bullshit._

_

He had stared at the stupid phone number for at least twenty minutes. Taehyung had sent him a WhatsApp, telling him to embrace his fate and also to give Hyungwon a call because the other man wanted to give him the keys. But Hoseok didn't want to. He didn't want to see the blonde asshole, he just wanted the keys to the room and to work in peace.

‘Come to the working space, 11PM. I don't have time before that,’ he typed and sent it off, deciding that he would create a proper sketch in the meantime.

It took a while until his phone vibrated with a message. ‘I'll do my best, might be 15 min l8, ‘cuz of work. Won’

_What?_

‘I have no idea what that means, but see you there,’ Hoseok typed and picked up his notebook.

He should've made a sketch, but he stared at the sketch of Hyungwon's ugly face instead until it was almost 11PM and he jumped into his car like a crazy person without putting on proper clothes and going in a loose white shirt and white ripped jeans.

_You're almost on his level._

_Congrats._

He was at the spot at five past eleven, after speeding way too often on his way there. Unbuckling, he didn't see Hyungwon's ‘motorcycle’, so he opened the door and grabbed his notebook, thinking about the arrangement.

He heard the other man before he saw him as he drove around the corner and parked right next to him, smoothly jumping off with a grin on his face.

“Almost on time, had a picky customer,” he remarked and the way his chest rose and fell quicker than usual indicated that he must have ran.

_Why would you make him run, Hoseok?_

The boy deserved it for that shitty comment.

“You're late, but let's go.” He packed his notebook and went towards the entrance, waiting for Hyungwon to follow with the keys.

“Ya seem even more in a bad mood than usual,” the blonde man muttered and followed him up the first flight of stairs until he opened the door to the studio. “And- you said you want the keys, right? Can we just go together? There is just one set and the artist uses it a lot.”

“I'm just in a bad mood when you're around. I actually thought we could minimize that, but ‘fate’, as Tae said, doesn't let me have a happy life,” he muttered and squeezed himself between Hyungwon and the door, entering the big space.

“Okay, listen the fuck up, Hoseok, the only one who should be in a bad mood is me with all the shit you're throwing my way for no reason. What the fuck did I do to you for you to treat me like this? Am I less of a human? Does it say, ‘please treat me like shit’? I don't think so.” The outburst was sudden and Hyungwon closed the door behind himself before turning to Hoseok, eyes narrowed. “I don't believe in fate or similar bullshit, but if I did I hope the whole point is to punch some sense into your arrogant self.”

_What? What's wrong with him?_

“Why would you be in a bad mood? You are doing things you like whereas I'm trying to do things and end up having you in my face all the time. I didn't choose that! And I like my work and now you're here too with your stupid side profile that throws perfect shadows and now the moon shines on it too, I hate it,” he groaned in frustration and went to the window and opened it, sucking in a deep breath of the night air. It felt good.

He could feel the other man's eyes on his face, but he didn't turn around.

“Did ya seriously just tell me that I piss ya off ‘cause my side profile looks pretty?” Hyungwon's low voice asked, disbelief apparent in every word.

“No, you don't understand!” he exclaimed and was a little scared to turn around but still did because he wasn't a coward and he was right. “See? That's what I mean, you- you just stand around here with your long body and your huge lips and eyes, telling me all these things but actually-” He turned around fully and grabbed the other man's shoulders, dragging him further into the direction of the light rays he could see. “You should be standing like this,” he whispered and couldn't take his eyes away from the shadows the moonlight created through the huge window.

The blonde man stood absolutely still, not moving a single inch as if it wasn't difficult for him, big eyes focused on his face.

“Hoseok,” Hyungwon began quietly and licked over his lips before continuing. “Could it be that you consider me attractive?”

_What? No fucking way._

“What? No, it's just the light. Which is why when you go away I don’t continue to find you attractive.” It made sense, one could make everything look nice with proper lighting.

_He's only gorgeous because you put him into the right angle._

“So ya telling me that you hate me because I pop up in ya life, minding my own business and working and happen to look good in particular lighting and that's why ya hate me? Are you fucking serious, Hoseok? Do ya even listen to yourself? Ya sound on crack although ya keep telling me I'm a delinquent,” Hyungwon exclaimed and brushed through his hair, visibly frustrated. “Ya make it sound like I purposefully hang around. I prefer it when ya talk about light and your work over the insults and sarcastic comments ya throw my way, but that's rather understandable.”

Hoseok wanted to punch him. He dropped his notebook and grabbed the other man's shoulders lightly.

“Now listen up, kiddo, minding your own business does not include making fun of things I told you when I was drunk, just like staying in my home and liking my sculptures, just like standing here and telling me you want me to talk about my work. Fine. I'll talk about my work, here, the first arrangement idea I had.” He wanted to pick up the notebook, but it lay open with the sketch of Hyungwon's shitty face. Of course, it did.

_Just give up, he won't understand either way._

“Well.”

“I'm sorry about mentioning what you said when you were drunk, it was childish of me. I got angry at you making fun of my age and wanted to point out that sexuality isn't something just for young folks, it backfired.” Hyungwon sighed and brushed through his hair again, tongue playing with the piercing in his lip. Kneeling down, the blonde man picked up his notebook, visibly intending to give it to him until his eyes fell on the drawing. “You- you drew me?”

“Yeah, I should go home for today, I think I'm generally stressed, sorry,” he murmured and curled his fingers around the notebook, trying to pull it out of Hyungwon's long fingers, but the other man didn't want to let go.

_Really, man?_

“Let me see, ya wanted to show me the first draft, right? It matters to me,” he replied and glanced up into his eyes while standing up again. It was strange how his language changed depending on whether he was being serious or not.

“Next page. It's on the next page.” Hoseok honestly considered just leaving the notebook there but it was too important, so he stayed even though he really wanted to leave.

The blonde man took a careful look, hesitating with his thumb on the drawing of his face for a few more seconds before he changed the page and stared at the draft, expression impossibly focused.

“Bodies need to be seen with all their lines and motions,” Hyungwon muttered and licked his lips again.

“Bodies? What do you mean?” he asked and leaned in to determine what Hyungwon was looking at.

“If- if a person was standing in the middle, naked, and you could take a picture, every line needs to be visible,” the blonde man replied carefully and rubbed over the thin page with his index finger, as if he didn't want to let it go. He must have been staring at the windows Hoseok had drawn.

_It's for the artist._

“You will be able to do it after I'm done with it. I promise,” he replied and smiled to himself. “You can already do it at my place, I'd show you if I didn't think that you'd use it against me.”

“I told you that I'm sorry,” Hyungwon murmured softly and finally looked up, big eyes stopping at his face. The gaze remained there until it travelled along his whole body. “I have no reason to use something like that against you, it's gorgeous, only an idiot would make fun of it.”

“I don't know. I don't know you. Light, on the other hand, is a really good friend," Hoseok replied quietly and looked out of the window. The moon was really beautiful, spreading its rays and throwing gorgeous shadows on Hyungwon's face.

“In one way or another you do,” the young man whispered before lifting his hand and brushing through the blonde strands of his hair, changing the way the light fell. His eyes were still focused on Hoseok, iris throwing a few of the rays back at him, much like the metal in the other man's eyebrow and lip.

“Don't know about myself, but the light considers you really attractive.” Hoseok smiled and reached for Hyungwon's hair, brushing a strand to the side to let the moon illuminate his huge eyes.

_What are you doing?_

Pulling his hand back like he’s been burned, he looked to the side, feeling how his pulse picked up.

Hyungwon slowly pulled his piercing into his mouth, rolling the ring a little bit with his tongue while still watching Hoseok intently. Suddenly, the blonde boy stepped forward, closing the distance that Hoseok had built up.

He clutched the window sill and leaned back out of the window he had opened after coming in.

_Wanna fall out? Is it that bad?_

Hyungwon let a few seconds pass until long fingers curled around Hoseok’s wrist and pulled him back into the room.

“You hate me enough to jump out of the window?” the blonde asked and pursed his lips.

He shook his head slowly, staring up at the tall figure in front of him.

_Shouldn't you be working?_

“You make it really hard not to get involved, you know that, Hoseok?” the other man whispered, not slurring his words at all, like he did usually. A shaky breath left Hyungwon's chest and he stepped back, brushing his long fingers through his hair and staring up at the ceiling. “Either way, you said that you'll make it so that every line on a human body is visible? That's good then, that's what I need.”

“Do you- do you want to see it for yourself at my place? If you feel uncomfortable, I also have a working space at the office where you could see the possible artificial arrangements,” he offered, suddenly wanting to show Hyungwon all the lines of the human body just like he wanted to.

The slim man removed his eyes from the ceiling and returned them to Hoseok’s face, nodding slowly. “Just tell me when,” he murmured and played with a few loose threads of fabric on his ripped jeans.

_When?_

“Now? Or are you busy?” Hoseok asked and took his notebook quickly while Hyungwon wasn’t paying attention.

“Now? Ehm, sure. If it's not too late for ya, I guess,” Hyungwon commented after he caught himself and shrugged, hands easily sliding into his pockets.

_Is it late? But then he'll have seen it once and it'll be fine._

Hoseok nodded and pushed himself off the sill, walking towards the exit.

“See you there,” he muttered and ran down the stairs before jumping into the leather seat and buckling up.

_What are you doing, Hoseok?_

It seemed to be a question he had asked himself quite often in the last couple of weeks. He was showing the assistant of an artist how the lighting arrangement would affect the perception of the human body. That was it. At midnight, even though they both worked during the day.

He arrived fast and walked up to his entrance, pulling the transponder out and opening the heavy, metallic door.

_You should change._

He walked over to his wardrobe and glanced inside before closing it again with a loud sound. Just in time for the bell.

“Come in,” he smiled and opened the door.

“Thx, you’re suddenly so welcoming,” Hyungwon remarked and grinned. As Hoseok moved to the side, the blonde man entered and slipped his ruined sneakers off his feet, not even bothering to untie them.

“Yeah, talk more then I'll throw you back out,” he muttered and followed Hyungwon who had just walked over to his bedroom. “Want something to drink, you ran, didn't you?”

The tall boy looked like Hoseok had just caught him stealing something and merely hummed, brushing through his hair as he looked around and stopped in front of the sculpture in his hallway.

“So ya hate me when I talk then?”

“I don't know. Actually, you frustrate me with your stupid face and your way of talking and how you make fun of me all the time. Makes me want to close the door in your face. But then I also really want to show you the lines on a human body.”

_How did you want to show him though?_

_Oh god, Hoseok, you idiot._

He suddenly realized that he had talked about being naked and invited a twenty-year-old boy to his house to show him his naked body.

_What is your problem?_

“Oh no,” he whispered staring at Hyungwon's face.

A pierced eyebrow lifted upwards as the blonde man turned around from the sculpture he had been examining. He had one hand buried casually in the back pocket of his jeans while the other rested motionless at his side.

“I don't make fun of ya all the time, and people talk differently. This happens to be my way. Judging my face is a little intense after you drew it, don't you think?” Groaning, the young man suddenly sighed and threw his head back. “I don't want to argue.”

Hoseok really wanted to argue, because he needed a solution for the problem he had caused with his own stupidity.

“I drew it. I drew it because it looked- okay in the light. The light was pretty. You can't draw light, or can you? Why don't you want to fight? Don't act as if you like me, I know that you don't.” He didn't know what to do with his hands, so he ruffled his own hair and brushed it back.

“I agree, light can be pretty, and it looked pretty on my face. That's fab and I'm diggin’ it, so ya should show me more pretty light, just like ya wanted to,” Hyungwon replied and examined his face carefully, like the tall man was seeing something Hoseok didn't want him to.

_He probably does._

“How- uhm how do you want me to show you? On a sculpture? Or- on you?” Hoseok asked and walked towards the bedroom, realizing that he just asked Hyungwon to get naked.

_It's still better than getting naked yourself, Hoseok._

“A sculpture is already done and expresses something, Hoseok. Light only brings out what's already there, I'm interested in a living being, in the lines that shitty light and a single light bulb don't show.” Hyungwon appeared visibly frustrated with the topic, a little restless as he followed Hoseok to the bedroom and looked around in awe, much like the first time. “This light is so different from what I've seen before, it's epic.”

It made him ridiculously happy and he immediately played with one of the spots to highlight the tattoo on the other man's collarbone.

”Thank you for saying that and yes, you're right. I know exactly what you mean, that's why I told you about it,” he muttered, letting a ray of bluish light slide over Hyungwon's neck.

The other man followed it with his eyes as much as he could, tilting his head to watch the rays color his skin.

“I want the studio to be like this,” Hyungwon whispered as his long fingers reached out and undid the first button of his shirt, simple and black, probably because of work. The additional exposure revealed a little more of the tattoo on his collarbone in addition to golden skin. Another button followed after a few more seconds, revealing the blonde man's slim chest and small nipples.

_Fuck. He's really undressing._

He uncharacteristically mouthed the curse and kept the air inside his lungs, burning with how long he didn't exhale.

Fumbling with his shaky fingers, he immediately adjusted the light, turning off the main source and simply playing with the different spots. He didn't know how else to deal with the fact that Hyungwon was undressing in his bedroom because he had told him to.

Loosening the rest of the buttons, the slim man allowed his black shirt to sink down his shoulders and fall to the floor, leaving him shirtless with his lean torso on display. There were intricate patterns tattooed along his arms, forming sleeves and continuing over his shoulders up to both collarbones. It was asymmetrical but looked incredible, especially in the light Hoseok used. He sucked in a long breath, keeping it in for a while and added some shadows before grabbing the remote and walking over to properly examine the detailed outcome of his arrangement. The sight led to an epiphany he couldn't believe he hadn’t had before.

“Your body, it looks like the bodies in the sculptures. It looks the same, even the fingers,” he whispered and illuminated Hyungwon's hand.

“Does it?” the other man's low voice asked quietly as he lifted an arm and brushed through his bangs, eyes remaining closed for a few seconds, like he was thinking about something. “I wish I had pictures of this.”

“You want pictures? Do you want me to take pictures?” Hoseok asked, genuinely surprised why Hyungwon would need pictures of himself half naked in front of the mirror.

There was a low hum as the younger man's fingers reached for the button of his ripped jeans, undoing it slowly, like there was meaning in every action, purpose. Pulling the zipper down with a soft sound that echoed through the room, Hyungwon let the fabric slide down his long legs, uncovering more patterns that filled out the golden skin.

Hoseok turned around, like a teenager. But also, not really like a teenager, because a man was undressing in his bedroom and he really hadn't thought that Hyungwon would do it. The other could've stayed shirtless, but he just undressed. Like that. In front of him.

“You- you don't have to undress completely,” he whispered, wanting to turn around but not managing. He simply looked over his shoulder.

“I know,” the lean man replied and stepped out of his jeans, letting them pool at his feet just like the shirt. There was barely any hesitation, just long fingers that slid along the skin of his flat stomach and thighs and dipped under the waistband of his underwear.

“Fuck,” Hoseok whispered and placed a palm in front of his face, opening his eyes behind it and glancing from in between his fingers.

Hyungwon's brown orbs were closed as he hooked his thumbs under the waistband of his briefs and pulled them down, stepping out of them and sliding both palms along his legs as he straightened his back. He seemed focused with the way he moved, feet staying close together while the muscles in his right thigh contracted and he lifted it minimally, just enough to see the motion. The blonde man's hands stopped at his hips for a few seconds before they crossed at his chest and curled around his shoulders, muscles contracted and fingers leaving small dents on the inked skin.

Hyungwon had an extremely attractive body, lean and slim, long limbs and gorgeous caramel skin tone. Hoseok needed to adjust the light but he just stared.

“You’ve done it before, haven't you?” he asked quietly.

It was obvious with how every action seemed calculated, every little shift in muscles and body posture. There was nothing sexual to the way Hyungwon had undressed, not to the other man with how his groin stayed unaffected. The focus always remained on the movements. His body was hairless, his legs and pattern-covered thighs, just like in between his legs. It was a mystery how the blonde man was absolutely calm moving in front of him, utterly naked without reacting a single bit.

_But you're reacting. Stop._

A hum broke the silence and the blonde man opened his big eyes, scanning the room until they focused on Hoseok’s form, still motionless with fingers covering his face like an idiot.

“Would you take pictures for me, Hoseok?” Hyungwon asked quietly before closing his eyes again and changing the way his hands grabbed his shoulders, elbows lifting so that Hoseok wasn't able to see his eyes anymore, face covered by complex patterns and golden skin.

Swallowing a couple of times, he forced himself to concentrate on the way the lights complimented Hyungwon's posture. It wasn't perfect.

“If you want me to. But I need to change it, it's not right,” Hoseok whispered and used the remote to add more yellowish and white lights, highlighting the different ink patterns on Hyungwon's skin and making the movements perfectly clear. Like a drawn line.

“Now it's perfect,” he murmured and walked towards his drawer, pulling out his expensive camera.

“Leave out the face, but keep the movement, every twitch,” the blonde man murmured and remained perfectly still, like a frame in the middle of a motion. His whole body was drenched in emotional significance, telling a story.

_Why does he want them?_

He didn't ask but took pictures instead, walking around Hyungwon's body and capturing the play of light and shadow, tension and relaxation of the lean muscles.

“You can see it better on me. Because I'm not tattooed,” he whispered between two shots and remembered how he always played with the arrangement after taking a shower. “Done.”

Hyungwon loosened his muscles slowly, starting with the position of his elbows that he returned to his sides and finishing with the tension in his calves and feet that he released, standing straight and naked in the middle of Hoseok’s bedroom.

“I gotta take what I can get,” the young man said and exhaled, eyes examining Hoseok carefully.

“I can't believe that you're standing naked in the middle of my bedroom, what am I even doing?” Hoseok asked but was disturbed by his bell.

_What?_

His eyes widened, and he pulled out his phone, reading the three messages and five missed calls.

_Michal. It's him. Oh no, oh no no no no._

He turned around, examining the gorgeous, naked man who stood in the middle of his bedroom and stared at him with his big, brown eyes.

“Shit.” He closed the distance and pushed Hyungwon towards his bed, letting him fall on top of it and leaning in. “I'm sorry, but just stay here under the blanket and don't move,” he hissed and threw his silk blanket over the other man's naked form. Placing a finger on his huge lips, he gestured for him to shut up and jumped up, running out and closing the door behind himself.

_It's a mess. You can never explain this._

He opened the door and met his boyfriend’s annoyed gaze.

“What were you doing? I decide to visit you for once and you don't open the door.” Michal walked in and looked around briefly before curling his arms around his waist and pulling him into a kiss.

“Actually, I came to see your bedroom.”

_Oh no. Not the bedroom._

He kissed back half-heartedly while thinking about the naked twenty-year-old in his bed.

“Uhm, but I actually have to work tomorrow, so I need to sleep. Let's meet up tomorrow afternoon, okay? I will show you my bedroom just as you like, I promise.” He let his hands roam over the other man's back and stroked over his hair. He had missed him. He really didn't want to have sex, he would've much rather cuddled on the couch. Or bed. If there hadn’t been a naked Hyungwon in there. Shit.

“I don't want to meet up tomorrow, I want to meet up now, which is why I'm here. You're usually not this stubborn,” Michal groaned and slipped his hand into his jeans, curling it around his dick.

“You're already half-hard, don't bullshit me.” Hoseok wanted to tell him to shut up because Hyungwon could hear everything and Hoseok really didn't want him to know about the state his genitals were in, but he didn’t.

“Listen, I can't do it, I- I just pleased myself, I really can't,” he commented and wanted to just die on the spot, hoping that Hyungwon wouldn't start laughing randomly while lying naked in his bed and listening to him making up stories to get rid of his own boyfriend.

_You're an asshole, Hoseok, you shouldn't be doing this._

“I can't. Let's meet tomorrow.” He used his strength and peeled the other man's arms from his body, staring into his eyes to confirm his point.

“I don't want tomorrow,” Michal hissed at him and turned around roughly, walking all the way to the front door and slamming it shut behind himself.

_What are you even doing?_

He stood there for a few more seconds before moving towards the bedroom, knowing exactly that Hyungwon had heard everything.

_You keep showing things you don't want to show._

 

***

 

The light played along the length of his underarm, emphasizing the complex patterns of his tattoos. Only a few rays of light were able to shine through the tiny space he created between his crossed arms, a single line that must have appeared along his forehead down to the tip of his nose. It must have been like a small tease, a miniscule hint of what could be seen, of what was really there.

_You need this, you need it, Hyungwon._

He remained perfectly still, standing naked in the dark with light concentrated on the motion in his body, on the way the muscles were contracted and created lines on his dark skin. The black-haired man was moving around him, taking pictures from various angles, shutter sounding at irregular intervals.

The other man was right, the definition would have been more obvious with the other's muscular body, with the way each line created a dent, position like a freeze frame instead of a still frame.

“I gotta take what I can get,” Hyungwon replied once each limb had returned to its original position, relaxed and still at his side. Hoseok was standing close to him, letting his gaze wander over his legs before resting between them and going further up over his chest, finally focusing on his face.

It felt intense somehow, especially in the semi-dark with the only source of light being focused on Hyungwon's naked body. It was overwhelming, and he was almost too afraid to breathe in, concerned about breaking the moment.

_You need his body, it could express so much._

“I can't believe that you're standing naked in the middle of my bedroom, what am I even doing?” Hoseok asked, tone of voice perfectly reflecting his facial expression until the loud sound of a bell echoed through the apartment.

_A visitor?_

Hoseok grabbed his phone and stared at it for a few seconds, eyes widening comically. Suddenly, the other man's gaze focused on his face and he closed the distance quickly, curling his fingers around his shoulders and pushing him towards the bed.

_What is he doing?_

It was so fast that he didn't get the moment when his knees gave out due to the edge of the bed and he fell on top of the silky sheets, followed by Hoseok's muscular body that pinned him down.

Hyungwon wasn't able to contain a gasp as his eyes widened and he stared at the other man in surprise, lips parting to speak, but unable to do so. Hoseok was gorgeous from up close, lips even more obviously curled upwards and brown eyes big and round. His skin was just as pale in the minimal light and emphasized the color of his red lips only more.

It was ridiculous, but even though he hadn't given a single shit while undressing, his body responded to the sight in addition to the weight on top of him.

“I'm sorry, but just stay here under the blanket and don't move,” Hoseok's low voice murmured and the other man threw a blanket over his body, leaning in and placing his index finger against his lips before jumping up and running out.

Hyungwon just blinked, trying to comprehend what the actual fuck had just happened.

_He wants ya to stay put, naked in his bed while he deals with whoever just popped by._

He calmed his breathing to not make too much noise and shifted so that it was more difficult to see him, in case someone came in.

_Why are ya even bothering? It's none of your business, not like you were getting it on._

Hyungwon wouldn't have given a fuck and just dressed and fucked off instead, but the panicked expression on the black-haired man's face was difficult to erase from his head, not with how Hoseok had just pushed him on the bed and asked him to remain quiet.

_He took pictures for ya, so ya can shut the fuck up and lie in his bed for a bit in return._

Hyungwon could hear the door open and held his breath, familiar with remaining quiet and how to produce the least amount of noise. A familiar voice sounded through the apartment, one he had heard a number of times but couldn't put anywhere.

The visitor was complaining, something about wishing to see Hoseok but not having him open the door, mentioning the wish to see the bedroom as the reason for his visit.

_That's where you are._

Hyungwon whole body tensed and he breathed in while he could hear the other man talk, flattening himself on the silk sheets. It felt nice and he couldn't help but feel envious of the black-haired man's fortune.

_Just that you are kind of his misfortune now, hiding naked in his bed._

Hoseok sounded desperate as he attempted to explain himself, mumbling something about work and not having the time, an excuse since it hadn't stopped him from inviting Hyungwon and allowing him to pose naked in his bedroom.

The visitor complained again and based on the noises the two men were close, inhales a little sharper than usual.

_They are close. It has to be Michal._

Hyungwon couldn't help the feeling of discomfort that spread through him at the thought, memories of seeing the brown-haired man kiss someone else filling his head.

_Maybe they have an open relationship, you know nothing, Hyungwon._

He wasn't in the position to get involved and he wasn’t going to mention it. It was wrong and could ruin something that wasn't his to influence.

He remembered how upset Hoseok had seemed about his boyfriend not wanting to see his bedroom, not sharing his passion.

“You’re already half hard, don't bullshit me,” Michal remarked, probably touching Hoseok judging by the following gasp. Hyungwon held his breath again and hoped they wouldn't come in and fall down on top of him. Even if he was flat he tended to be rather bony, not comfortable enough to have sex on.

_Why would ya even think about that? Holy fuck._

He could hear Hoseok pull excuses out of his ass, something about having jerked off in fancy language. It was ridiculous with how the black-haired man sounded like his offers for sex went along the lines of ‘shall we engage in intercourse?’.

Hyungwon barely contained a giggle and covered his mouth with his flat palm, wondering how the fuck Hoseok had managed to get hard while panicking and trying to get rid of his boyfriend because of a naked man in his bed.

_It's because of you, isn't it?_

He must have missed the end of the discussion as Michal screamed like a toddler about not getting what he wanted and just ran out of the apartment, slamming the door because Hoseok hadn’t agreed to having sex.

_You are occupying the bed anyway, no space._

Hyungwon finally released the breath he had been holding and licked over his lips, playing with the piercing in his tongue while thinking about how to solve the situation. They hadn’t done anything wrong. Technically the black-haired man didn’t have to ditch his boyfriend because of him since there was nothing sexual to their relationship. Maybe Hoseok could have tried to explain it.

_Apart from the fact that he obviously reacts to you._

Hoseok opened the door and walked in, glancing in his direction but stopping in the middle.

“Hey. I'm- I'm sorry for touching you without consent.”

Hyungwon propped his palms flat against the sheets and sat up, unwilling to keep himself flat like a surfboard for the rest of the evening. The blanket slipped down from his chest and pooled at his lap as he glanced up at the other man, who was looking a little uncomfortable.

“You mean for throwing me on your bed? ‘s fine,” Hyungwon replied and brushed through his hair, still fascinated by the minimal light, just that there was nothing in the middle of the room to enjoy it properly. “Sorry for forcing you to lie.”

“You didn't force me to lie, I decided to lie, it must be really uncomfortable.” Hoseok stared at his chest and arms before looking up and glancing to the side as soon as their eyes met.

“You- you can get dressed if you like, I can show you the pictures on the big screen.” His eyes widened, and he gestured with his hands furiously. “I mean, not that I will look at your naked pictures on the huge screen, I thought you could see it better.”

Hoseok was absolutely adorable, probably thinking that Hyungwon was uncomfortable with his naked self even though he didn't mind at all. He posed for his sculptures all the time, taking pictures with a timer or asking someone to take them for him. Nudity was meaningless and since he had begun covering his skin with ink he had gotten more confident and at ease in his own slim body.

“Please show me, it sucks to stare at it on my phone or get prints at a local shop, they always stare,” Hyungwon replied and chuckled, smile remaining on his lips as he sat up on his calves and let the blanket slip down the rest of the way. It caught on his crotch for a few seconds before sliding along the ink on his thighs, leaving him naked on the other man's bed. It was probably a little greedy, but he wished he could see it, move the light towards himself and emphasize the way the action of crawling appeared in the right illumination. Instead, he remained on his calves, watching Hoseok’s face intently.

He didn't know how he hadn't noticed, but Hoseok's face was very expressive, one could see everything on it, emphasized by the movements of his lips and cheeks. His eyes widened, and the curled lips parted, letting air pass through.

“What- what are you doing?” the black-haired man whispered and stepped back a little, but he still stared at his body.

_He likes it, even if he keeps insulting you._

Hyungwon leaned forward and rested his weight on his palms, slowly crawling forward on the bed towards the other man, wondering how the motion must have looked, independent of his intentions.

“I'm getting up,” he whispered and kept his eyes on Hoseok’s wide ones, lips parted. It was fascinating to see the defensive man like this, emotions clear like an open book. One that Hyungwon really wanted to read.

“Why are you like this?” Hoseok exhaled sharply and lifted his palm to cover his eyes with it as his pink tongue licked over his curved lips. “The- the light is not right for that, on the bed I mean, I will wait for you outside,” he stuttered a little and turned around, grabbing the door handle.

_He should have made it right._

Hyungwon licked over his lips, sucking on his lip piercing for a bit and jumped off the bed, a little sad about the fact that he couldn't have taken more pictures.

_And seen more of that face._

He quickly slipped into his underwear and ripped jeans before he pulled his shirt over his shoulders, closing a few buttons and not bothering with the rest. Pulling his socks over his feet, he opened the bedroom door and leaned against the doorframe, a little overwhelmed but happy with the bright light.

“I'm ready to see the pictures,” he commented and brushed through his bangs.

Hoseok turned around, obviously shaken and gestured towards the end of the long hallway while holding the camera in his hand. He must've looked at the pictures.

_They must be nice then._

“My work space is there, the screen is really nice, and you can experiment with lighting there too, but it has no daylight, so,” Hoseok commented and opened the door to a spacious room with a high ceiling and a mass of different arrangements. There were several screens in addition to a huge white table with dozens of different sketches.

“I prefer the bedroom,” Hyungwon said instantly. He liked the combination of natural and artificial light and the way it changed the impact of a human body.

“Me too. For your purpose at least,” the black haired man murmured and connected the camera to one of the cables, transferring the pictures to the hard drive. “What is your purpose even, why are you interested in human bodies and lighting?”

_Don't tell him._

“It's beautiful,” he replied with a shrug and stepped closer, palm resting on the other man's shoulder. “And I like art.”

“You like art? You don't look like it at all!” Hoseok exclaimed and took a longer look at his clothed form. “But it is indeed beautiful, like those sculptures I have. I need to buy a new one.”

“You should,” Hyungwon replied and barely kept himself from just slamming the other man's head against his keyboard. “But what do you think a person that likes art is supposed to look like?”

“Well, definitely not like a walking canvas full of holes,” the black-haired man elaborated and smirked. It was so different from how shy and affected he had looked when Hyungwon was naked.

_He feels superior._

“Funny, if I was to apply that rule I would have to say that every painter working in the alternative area of Prague shouldn't like art, which is bullshit ‘cause it's what they do for a living.” He tried hard to not get angry and be tolerant instead. Hoseok probably didn't know better. In addition, the other man seemed to be in love with his sculptures, which wasn't something Hyungwon could say about a lot of people.

“Well, liking and appreciating are two different things, aren't they? Either way-" it got quiet suddenly as Hoseok stared at one of the huge screens that displayed Hyungwon's naked body in all its glory.

Hyungwon wanted to complain, to tell the black-haired man that he was an intolerant prick, but the way the soft, yellowish light played along his arms and chest took his ability to speak for a few seconds. It was mind-blowingly gorgeous, incomparable to what he was able to do with his phone cam in the student dorm.

“Holy fucking shit,” he whispered and leaned a little closer, examining the way the muscles in his thighs contracted, creating a thin line that travelled along the bottom all the way to the knee because he was slim.

Glancing over to Hoseok he could see that the other man bit down on his lip and narrowed his gaze.

“It's not optimal. I was distracted, shit,” Hoseok cursed, which had been very unusual. “Sorry about that.”

_He should have taken more then, focused on the body and not on the fact that you were naked._

“It's gorgeous,” Hyungwon murmured and placed his palm above Hoseok’s on the mouse, zooming in to see the definition on his legs better. The other man had an amazing camera and he couldn't help but wish to have every new idea be photographed by Hoseok’s hands, even if he was an insufferable prick with no tolerance. “I need more of this.”

“You- you what? You want more pictures like this? But it's not optimal at all, it needs to be adjusted and- and you're naked, why would you need them?” Hoseok had pink cheeks, it was hilarious.

_So much for calling you a teenager._

“Because the human body is beautiful, and I don't see the point in hiding it. Do you think I can see this with clothes on?” Hyungwon zoomed in again and pointed at the small lines of abdominal musculature on his lean stomach. “If it's not optimal you can make it optimal.”

The other man's big, brown eyes stared at him in disbelief.

“Me? Why me?”

Hyungwon barely resisted stroking over the other man's head and telling him that everything would be okay in the end. Everything was on his face, the disbelief, but also the helplessness with the situation.

_Maybe he just doesn't know better, Hyungwon?_

“Because you are the one who said that it's not optimal, so you know what is optimal. You're the one who took those rad pictures and you’re the one with the camera that probably costs more than my rent for a year.” He squeezed Hoseok’s shoulder a little instead of stroking his hair and scrolled over his crotch, back to his thighs, observing the detail of his tattoos. The quality was simply sick.

“Don't you think it's weird to stare at your own nudes all the time?” Hoseok muttered and scrolled up again.

“I look at the lines and I like the quality of the picture, I don't see a problem with enjoying it just because it's my naked body. I would look at yours too if you gave me pictures like this,” Hyungwon replied and scrolled along his arms and the way his face was hidden instead.

_Smooth, Hyungwon, smooth. You'd look at it without pictures too._

“I - I don't take pictures like that I just- I just play with the light in front of the mirror. Also, I'm alone, how would I have pictures like that, and if I did why would I give them to you and why would you want to look at them? Why- why are you like this? Seriously.” Hoseok blushed like a tomato and his hand shifted a little under his palm.

Hyungwon barely contained a loud ‘aww’. The other man was genuinely adorable, despite all the mean things he said to him, such as people like him being unable to appreciate art.

_Maybe you can show him that it's wrong._

“Because you are very muscular, and the definition would be easy to see, I could-" Hyungwon stopped talking, remembering in time that he didn't want Hoseok to know that the sculptures were his.

_He might change his mind about them._

“I could draw it,” he said eventually, even though it was just a method, one he used to remember proportions and lines, playing with emotions. He wasn't even particularly good at it. “It fascinates me.”

“Why would you draw it? Why would you draw from a picture and not from the real thing? Or are you not confident enough?” The other man removed his hand from under his palm and crossed his huge arms in front of his chest.

_Is he provoking you?_

“I don't need a picture, it's just difficult to draw myself while posing, but I could draw you while you pose,” he remarked and lifted an eyebrow at Hoseok’s crossed arms. It seemed childish.

“Wait what? You want to draw me? Naked? But why?” Hoseok's eyes widened again and he stared at him.

_Be professional about this, Hyungwon. He'll just panic otherwise._

It felt a little like he had to convince the other man, to make sure he understood the purpose without revealing too much.

“I really dig muscle definition and the emotions that I can express with motions. You are muscular and probably fucking perfect for this, I mean, I'm just guessin’ based on what I see, but I'm pretty damn convinced.” Hyungwon gestured towards Hoseok’s chest and did a little wave with his hand to emphasize.

“So, you're telling me you want to draw me naked? Because of muscle definition? Don't you- like, I don't know, have friends with similar preferences? Who are willing to undress for you and everything?”

Hyungwon couldn't help a giggle at Hoseok’s ‘and everything’, making it sound like he had ridiculous requests. Nudity was nothing to be ashamed of and just part of human nature. He happened to be someone who enjoyed it a lot, body posture was sometimes more informative than words were.

_Like the way he always leans in a little when he talks to you. He didn't do it before, rather the opposite._

Something must have changed in Hoseok’s attitude and Hyungwon wanted it to continue changing.

“I want to draw ya naked and I don't have other friends that are built like you, none that don't expect to fuck me stupid afterwards. Except Tae maybe, I drew him already,” he remarked and remembered the blonde man just throwing his clothes against Hyungwon's wall in the student dorm and lying down on his bed with his head on his palm, thinking those were the kind of pictures Hyungwon took.

_But the light fucking sucks, for pictures, for drawing, for every fucking thing._

“You did what? Tae undressed for you? Gosh, why is he like this?” Hoseok facepalmed and exhaled sharply before looking up. “Listen, I have no idea what I'm doing, I should be sleeping because I have to go to work tomorrow and I should have been drinking wine in my pyjamas or having my boyfriend over, but instead I'm here with you, talking about me undressing, so you can draw me after basically throwing my boyfriend out because I had you naked in my bed and could not explain it. What is happening?” Burying his head in his palms, Hoseok lifted his gaze. “I think I need to sleep.”

_So do you, fuck._

“That's fine, I kinda have to get up at 5 AM, so I approve of going home, even if it's 3 AM and I need about twenty minutes to get home unless I go over the speed limit.” Hyungwon chuckled at his own stupidity and brushed through his hair, taking a short glance at his own body on the screen again. “We can talk about this some other time, maybe that's also when you can give me these pics.”

“I don't even know if I want to talk about it,” Hoseok groaned and turned off the screen furiously. “Let's just sleep.” The other man looked up again. “I mean me here and you at your place.”

_Too bad, it was worth a try._

Hyungwon nodded slowly and turned around, exiting the work room and crossing the distance to his sneakers that he pulled on his feet as slowly as he could. It was dumb, but he kept hoping that Hoseok would turn into a decent human being and ask him to crash on his couch for those 2 hours until he'd have to go to work.

“Where is your work?” he heard the other man's voice behind him.

His hopes rose a little and he turned around, chewing on his cheek. He hated asking for things when there was no particular reason for the person to give them, at least not willingly. It was okay when he knew the person didn't mind much, but Hoseok looked like he considered him a beggar with an uncharacteristic love for art.

“It's ten minutes from here,” he replied and hoped it was more of a hint that going home meant he'd need half an hour to get there. He could sleep longer if he just stayed. He was also fine with the damn carpet as long as it didn't smell like the subway station. “I need to help with arranging at the jeans shop before we open, then I deliver in the afternoon and mix cocktails at night.”

Hoseok chewed on his lips before lifting both hands and massaging his temples.

_You got him._

“Do you need to sleep at home?” he asked quietly, peeking under his black bangs.

“I don't care, if I don't come home late at night, I don't wake anybody up,” he replied with a shrug and stopped in the middle of pulling the second sneaker over his foot.

“You- can stay here if you want. Or you can also go home. You're living with someone else?” the black-haired man asked and acted nonchalant, leaning against the doorframe and biting his lips bloody.

“Yeah, with my mom, but I'd love to stay. I prefer not to wake her up and I can sleep longer here,” Hyungwon replied and pulled the shoe he had spent ages putting it off his foot again. “I'm fine with the carpet too, it really doesn't matter.”

“The carpet? What did you smoke? You can stay on the couch. I will definitely not offer you my bed. You've been there naked today and once is definitely enough to turn my brain upside down,” Hoseok muttered and brushed his hair back. “I might even have a toothbrush.”

“Don't worry, I don't need your bed.” Hyungwon felt so fucking relieved at not having to go anywhere. He parked his motorcycle like shit but that was the least of his problems. Lack of sleep was more of a concern.

_Now you just need to hope that you don't struggle with falling asleep._

He opened the remaining buttons of his shirt and left it loosely on his chest as he walked to where he believed the bathroom to be. It looked gorgeous, black tiles covering the whole room with a huge white sink and gigantic shower without a stall. It was just open space. It seemed like a bathroom out of a magazine or one of those ‘makeover for your apartment’ shows.

“Can I have the toothbrush then?” he asked while forcing his mouth shut over the utter amazement that he felt at the way Hoseok’s apartment looked. Hyungwon couldn't even dream of living in a place like this. He was happy when the water in the shower turned warm, which wasn't everyday.

“Sure, be my guest,” Hoseok hissed at him. “Do you always undress just like that? Is it a cultural thing?”

_A cultural thing?_

“Ehm, no? Ya got a dick, I got a dick, not much to feel shy about, don't ya think?” he asked back and held out his hand, waiting for Hoseok to find the toothbrush. Secretly he was hoping that the black-haired man would also undress a little, even if it was just to put those ridiculous pyjamas on.

“Gosh, why can't you speak like a proper person? Just because I have a ‘dick’ doesn't mean that I have to shove it into your face for God's sake.” The other man seemed mad, fumbling in the big, white cupboard until he found a toothbrush.

 “Tempting,” Hyungwon purred with a grin and took the toothbrush from the other man, leaning against the sink while watching Hoseok carefully. There was something about the architect, even if he was a snob and intolerant.

“You want me to shove it- oh god, just go home,” Hoseok commented and washed his face with cold water before turning around and staring at him. “Brush your teeth because I need to shower. Or do you want to watch that too, you mental person?”

“Sure, might give me enough fantasies to last me a week. Of art, a week of art-related fantasies of course,” Hyungwon said with a smile and brushed his teeth as quickly as he could, perfectly aware of the fact that he had less than 2,5 hours left to sleep.

_You idiot, you work until 4 AM the next day._

As soon as he finished, Hoseok basically pushed him out of the bathroom and closed the door. A few seconds passed, and he could hear water. Hoseok must've undressed at high-speed.

Hyungwon just laughed at the other man's antics, acting like a fifteen-year-old virgin that had never seen a dick in his life, blushing at hands touching. He found the living room and the expensive looking couch and just slipped out of his clothes apart from his underwear and lay down. It felt nice apart from sticking to his naked skin. He hoped it wouldn't get worse and focused on his wish to sleep and the way his body was actually at its limit.

The bathroom door opened, and he heard steps approaching slowly, as if Hoseok didn't want to be seen.

Hyungwon would have laughed had he not been worried about scaring the older man to death. He merely sat up, wincing a little at the way his thighs already stuck to the black leather.

The black-haired man stopped and stared at him with wide eyes. He was only wearing a towel around his hips and looked even more uncomfortable about it. There was obvious color on his cheeks, a soft pink that moved lower along his chest.

_Did he jerk off?_

“Why- why are you lying there without any sheets? Why didn't you wait? I'll get you a blanket and a pillow too.”

Hyungwon barely paid attention to what came out of those curved lips, too busy staring at Hoseok’s pecs and the way his abdominal muscles created clearly defined lines on his stomach. Holy shit, he wanted to touch it and memorize it and engrave it into stone. It was absolutely gorgeous, and he wanted to see more. There were a few veins leading along the black-haired man's vline and disappearing under the small towel. It was a shame.

“What did you say?” Hyungwon asked when he finally looked up to Hoseok’s face and attempted to peel his butt off the leather again.

“I said wait, I will give you sheets and a blanket. And a pillow too, just- let me get dressed really quick.” Hoseok turned around and walked towards his bedroom. His back was scratched over rather badly, thin, red lines covering parts of his shoulders too.

_Nails._

There was only one guy that could have created those, the guy Hoseok considered his boyfriend even though it was undeserved.

_You don't know that, maybe they agreed on it. Stop getting involved._

“You should do something about those, they look pretty bad,” he remarked and sucked his lip piercing into his mouth.

There was quite a bit of shuffling before Hoseok came out, wearing his silk pyjamas halfheartedly, considering the absence of underwear and the half-naked chest. Carrying a huge blanket, a pillow and a white bed sheet, Hoseok looked at him, then at the couch and then back to him before dumping the stuff on top of him.

Hyungwon wanted to facepalm, at the fact that the towel had hidden more than the pyjamas pants, at the fact that Hoseok was well endowed and at the fact that he really wanted to see him naked, for several reasons.

“What did you ask? I didn't hear.”

He pushed the bed stuff off his body and stood up, taking the sheet and just throwing it nonchalantly on top of the leather. It had to suffice.

“I said you should do something about those scratches on your back, but you can also go fuck yourself instead.”

Hoseok glanced at his face for a couple of seconds before pushing him so hard that he almost fell over.

“What can you actually do? You just talk about knowing and being able to do stuff, but in reality, you're just a lazy school kid that can't do anything.” The asshole spread the stupid sheet carefully and tugged the ends while not giving a single shit about him. “I don't want your body all over my leather.”

_Enough is enough._

Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip and crossed the distance in milliseconds, pushing the black-haired man into the couch and climbing on top of his lap, eyes wide and fingers easily curling around the collar of his silk pyjamas.

“You know absolutely nothing, Hoseok. You're naive and a judgemental fuck at the same time. If there is something that you can't call me then it's ‘lazy’, you self-obsessed asshole,” he hissed and almost let their noses touch, hot breath hitting Hoseok’s lips.

_Rich prick. Stupid, rich prick._

Hoseok inhaled sharply and curled his fingers around his wrists.

“Why don't you stay away from me then? It was so calm without you. I'm not naive and I know a lot of things in comparison to you. You just know how to undress.” Hoseok's face was pink, pupils dilated, and mouth parted. The black-haired man’s grip tightened so that it was hard to keep his hold on the collar of his pyjamas.

Hyungwon bit his lip, so hard that it hurt, and he tasted iron as he let go and climbed off the other man's lap. Not glancing in his direction, he grabbed his jeans and socks and slipped into them, pulling his shirt over his shoulders right after.

His hands were shivering a little, but he couldn't really help it.

“You basically just called me a slut, Hoseok,” he whispered and went to the hallway to pull his sneakers over his feet. Once he was done, he took a deep breath and held onto the door frame before speaking, knuckles deadly white.

“You just told a person that does nothing but work like crazy, just to be able to afford something for their art, that they are dumb, lazy and know fucking nothing apart from how to undress. I hope it makes you feel better, you pathetic excuse for a decent human being. Fuck you, Hoseok, really, fuck you,” he breathed out and turned around, slamming the door behind himself.

_Why did you even bother? Art isn’t worth this._

_It really isn't, Hyungwon._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 26th of October at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I mean I'm not an expert in gay artistic epiphanies, but I don't think the hugging is part of it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

He hated everything. The stupid project plans, his stupid outfit and his stupid car. It wasn't supposed to feel like this. He was supposed to be happy and satisfied with all the things that he had.

_Why was he like this to you? You even threw out Michal and asked him to stay over, so that he didn't have to go home._

_Asshole._

Somehow, he couldn't forget Hyungwon's face. He had looked so incredibly hurt, as if Hoseok really hurt him with those few words he didn't even mean. What was he supposed to say? That he couldn't really deal with the situation? That it was strange? That he somehow wanted to hang around with a twenty-year-old school dropout and talk about light? It was stupid. He was stupid.

“Why are you looking like a sad reflection of the bad weather outside?” Taehyung asked while placing a coffee cup on his table. His best friend always did it to comfort him if it was bad. “Did this trash upset you? I told you to just break up already, it's just bad karma and he's an asshole. Please?”

_Would be nice if it was him._

“No. I- might have upset someone for no reason. I mean- this person is mad for no reason,” he muttered and took a sip, almost burning his tongue and spilling the brown liquid over his white shirt.

“But how can it be for no reason if another person is upset? There must've been something you said that hurt. People always act and react, so you must've been at fault too. What did you say?” The blonde man came closer and narrowed his gaze.

“Well, nothing crazy! I said that he was lazy and didn't know anything and that the only thing he could do was undress.” The longer he talked the more he could see how Taehyung's eyes widened comically.

“Are you telling me you really said stuff like that to a breathing person? Are you crazy, Hoseok? I would never talk to you again if you said something like that to me even though I'm really good at undressing. You can't just go around and hurt people like that. Also, how would you know whether the person is good at undressing or not? You're just hanging at home and meeting this prick.”

_You must've really hurt him._

“It's complicated and it's kind of weird too, I don't even know, I'm confused. I really don't want to see this person anymore, it's really hard. I just want to work in peace and enjoy my relationship and have everything just as I know and like it.” His wishes were simple, really.

“You act like a toddler. I want this, I want that. I also want you to stop acting like a bad person, I know that you're not. I know that you're nice, Hoseok, why do you have to go around and try to prove me wrong?” Tae took his cup and pulled out his phone, searching for something before he shoved the device into his face. It was blurry at first, but then he could see his best friend. Naked.

“Look how good I am at undressing!”

Hoseok really wanted to punch him, but the position was familiar. Very familiar.

_Hyungwon. He told you that he took pictures._

“Who took this picture? Was it Hyungwon? Did Hyungwon take it? Why did you let yourself be photographed by him? Don't you think it's weird? He has a weird relationship to nudity and also the lighting sucks. Tell him that it sucks if you see him. And tell him that I won't show him how to do it either, he has to come up with it all by himself if he thinks that I'm a selfish asshole. Do you think someone is a selfish asshole for letting a person stay over and throwing out his own boyfriend to not make everything even more strange than it already was? Is it assholish? No, it's not, he's the asshole. Make sure to tell him.” Hoseok finished his rant and crossed both arms in front of his chest. There was silence while Taehyung packed his phone back into the pocket of his ridiculously wide pants.

“What's going on? With you and Hyungwon I mean? Is he the person you've upset?” It hadn't been his intention to talk about it, but he must've been obvious.

“Nothing. He's at fault too, he-” Hoseok really wanted to say why Hyungwon was at fault but there were only random insults and ridiculous arguments like ‘his side profile is beautiful’. “I don't know, I just really don't want to see him. I don't want to.”

“You are the weirdest I've ever seen you, apart from the fact that you definitely need to apologize because Hyungwon is the most hard working person I know and he creates beautiful things and you really shouldn't be like this to him. Nobody deserves it and he doesn't deserve it. You're just being mean. I don't like it when you're mean, it makes me want to cry. Go apologize.” Taehyung stared at him with tears in his eyes, it was a mess.

“He called me a selfish prick,” Hoseok murmured but Tae was right. It had only been a reaction.

“Fine. Don't cry, I will apologize, but we really shouldn't hang around, he and I. It's a mess,” he whispered and pulled out his phone, typing a message.

‘I need to see the space today. When are you free?’ He sent it off and bit down his lip because he really hoped that Hyungwon wouldn't answer.

‘I work until 5AM,’ was the simple reply, so different from the last ones he had received.

_He must really hate you now. Is it good?_

He didn't know.

‘5:30?’ he replied, hating himself for suggesting such a ridiculous time, just because the other man was mad at him.

‘Fine, see you there.’

Hoseok already hated himself. He hated himself for being forced to apologize, he hated himself for meeting Hyungwon at 5AM and most importantly he really hated himself for caring about the fact that the blonde boy was upset because of him.

 

_

 

Only a few more minutes till the sunrise, but the sky was still black when he stepped out of his car. Leaning against it, he glanced at his watch that showed him that it was 5:30 and time for Hyungwon to arrive. Hoseok looked up. The moon was covered and uncovered by clouds, creating shadows and dimming the lights naturally. It was gorgeous.

The sound of an engine announced the other man's arrival before his face did, echoing through the street until the familiar motorcycle pulled up next to his car and Hyungwon jumped off smoothly.

“Let's go,” the blonde man murmured and instantly walked over to the grey building, opening the entrance door and sprinting up the one flight of stairs. Hyungwon was quick and unlocked the door to the studio, leaning against the wall after coming in. The other man looked dead tired, eyes a little bigger than usual and lips even more plump.

Seeing him like this made Hoseok feel even worse.

_You made him upset and he hasn’t slept this whole time._

Glancing outside, he could see how the horizon started changing its colors, painting the sky in a lighter blue.

“On a scale from one to ten, how much do you hate me?” Hoseok asked while opening both windows.

“Define one and ten,” Hyungwon murmured and sighed, brushing through the slightly clammy strands.

“Don't know, screw the one, and ten that you wouldn't ever talk to me if it wasn't for work.” He turned around and watched how the blonde man's face looked in the barely illuminated room.

“Maybe seven, I have a hunch that you have no idea what you did wrong,” Hyungwon remarked and closed his eyes for a few seconds, right hand slipping into the pocket of his jeans. He was wearing the same clothes he had worn when he left Hoseok’s place.

_He probably wasn't able to go home._

“Maybe I shouldn't have said those things. I don't know you,” he murmured and examined the minimal light coming through the big windows trying to find the right timing.

“What makes you think that you can say that even if you know a person?” Hyungwon replied and stared at him while playing with his lip piercing.

_Because it might be true?_

“Because maybe I have a reason for saying that? Why did you get upset about it? Why didn't you just think ‘ah this prick can go fuck himself’ or however you think. Why would you be hurt?” he murmured and saw the first rays of sunshine crawling over the horizon slowly.

_It's almost time._

“Because you insulted me while knowing absolutely nothing even though you should have known better. I thought we agreed on light and on what it means and how beautiful it is, and you just told me that I'm ‘good at undressing’ even though it wasn't the fucking point. The light was the point and I had hoped that especially you would have understood that, but apparently, I was wrong. But I mean, sure, what would I know? After all I don't look like somebody who would like art.” The same hurt expression returned as if it had never left and the blonde man's lower lip trembled until he bit down on it.

He nodded and walked away from the window, following the rays with his eyes and stopping at the point where the shadows were the most beautiful. He lifted a hand to see how the light fell. It was almost perfect, he had about a minute left, so he unbuttoned his white shirt, exhaling loudly and feeling his heartbeat deafening in his ears from the nervousness.

_What are you even doing?_

He was really bad with words sometimes, especially if it involved apologizing. He only apologized to his parents. His fingers shook when he loosened the last button and sucked in a breath, pulling the fabric down his arms and remaining shirtless. The position was perfect and the first rays of sunshine, red and yellow travelled upwards, over his stomach, crawling up slowly.

He could hear a sharp intake of air next to him and the shuffling noise of paper. Soft scratches of a pencil sounded through the room as the blonde man stepped closer and sank to the ground, sitting down.

“You look ethereal, Hoseok,” he whispered.

He was busy not having a heart attack from the nervousness he felt when he saw how the light crawled up his neck. It must've been just over his lips when he lifted his palm and covered his face, much like his favorite sculpture, feeling how the warmth developed on the back of his hand, seeping through the spaces between his fingers. He had the perfect position, it had worked out.

The young man must have stopped breathing with how there was no sound of air, just an extended pause until the soft scratches on paper resumed.

He looked through his fingers, how the sun rose over the horizon and covered everything in light, including his half naked body, but it was okay because it was perfect.

Suddenly the noises stopped as Hyungwon stood up and walked around him. The steps were calm and quiet, like the other man knew exactly what he wanted to do. After several turns around him the blonde man stopped at the side and inhaled softly.

Hoseok concentrated on how his chest rose and fell before removing his hand slowly. His eyes fell on Hyungwon who was looking at him with wide eyes, light illuminating half of his face and lips parted in awe. The other man looked absolutely mesmerized and fascinated by what he was seeing, phone and a piece of paper loosely trapped in his hands.

“Just take this and don't be upset, I'm not good with words.” He reached down to pick up his shirt and pulled it over his arms while chewing his cheek.

The other man remained frozen in place, still staring at him in wonder.

“I- I accept the apology,” he murmured and placed his phone into the back pocket of his jeans. The piece of paper remained caught between his index finger and thumb, black lines fine and showing shadows and contours of his body.

“I'm not good at undressing either,” he commented and chuckled while closing the buttons slowly as his hands were still a little shaky. “You should get some sleep, let's go.”

“But you said that you want to see the studio,” Hyungwon murmured and looked like he wanted to step closer but didn't, eyes switching back and forth between the way he barely managed to close his shirt and his face. It didn't make the action of dressing easier and Hoseok didn't manage to close the stupid button for the third time, sighing loudly.

“I wanted to make sure that you're not as upset, which you aren't as you said. I have finished the planning already, just need to book the company who will change the window shape and implement the concept I've designed.” He glanced outside at the sunrise. It was beautiful.

“That's amazing!” Hyungwon exclaimed and stepped forward. He almost seemed as if it was his own studio and not his friend's, smiling brightly. “I'm really glad that you are willing to work on it.”

_Why would you not be willing to work on it._

Hoseok could feel cool fingers against his skin as the blonde man reached out and closed the remaining buttons of his shirt, easily grasping them and pulling the fabric over the round shape. It felt strange, as if it wasn't supposed to be like this.

“I- I think the concept is really interesting from what the client wrote, so I can't wait to see how it works out.” He glanced to the side and licked over his lips. “You look as if you need sleep.”

“I probably do,” Hyungwon whispered and raised his head, looking at him with a small smile. “But I also don't have that much time until I have to work.”

“What? But you haven’t slept since yesterday!” he exclaimed, staring at Hyungwon's huge eyes with the obvious signs that the other man was dead tired.

“Why did you meet me instead of sleeping?”

“Because you wanted to see the studio,” Hyungwon replied quietly and finally removed his hands from Hoseok’s chest that had remained motionless at the last button.

Clearing his throat a couple of times, he gestured towards the exit.

“You could've also said no. You should've if you need rest. Let's go.”

The other man just hummed in reply and took one last look at the sunrise before walking to the door, holding it opened for Hoseok to pass through.

He sneaked past Hyungwon and ran down the stairs, opening his car with the key he swung in his right hand.

“Can you even ride like this? You'll die, you're not even wearing a helmet, it's illegal.”

“Well, I don't have much of a choice there, do I?” the young man pointed out with a smile and rubbed along the ripped fabric on his thighs, showing some of the tattoos that Hoseok had in high definition at home on his screen.

“I think everyone chooses all the time. But wear a helmet, seriously.” Hoseok didn't want to play his mom, but he was definitely going to die if he had an accident without wearing a helmet. “Come by some time, I'll correct the lighting and take a proper picture. If you want.” He jumped into his car and buckled up because only stupid people risked death.

Hyungwon placed his palm on the window and smiled before nodding and blowing him a kiss. He looked excited for some reason, lips spread wide as he climbed on top of his motorcycle and rode off.

Hoseok almost choked on spit and wanted to say something mean to pay the other man back but decided against it last minute.

_Take a good picture, finish the planning and then you're done with each other anyway._  
  


_

 

“I don't want to go to this bar,” he murmured while Michal placed his arm around his shoulders and leaned in to suck on his ear lobe. Hoseok really didn't like the obvious making out, he preferred to be alone with his boyfriend.

“That doesn't matter because I also wanted to visit you and you just threw me out because you jerked off, that's not how you should be towards me, don't you think? I even came to your house!” the other man's voice whispered into his ear. “That's why we're going to the bar and will drink a Zombie because I really love those.”

_You did please yourself, but after he was gone. In the shower. With Hyungwon on your couch. You're definitely at fault._

“Okay. But let's not stay for long,” he muttered before they entered the bar and he immediately looked towards the counter.

Hyungwon was there, preparing a drink and a little out of it even though the other man must've had time to sleep over the week they hadn't seen each other. Hoseok was a little disappointed because he had thought that the blonde boy would have come to get his pictures taken after Hoseok had offered it, but now he felt weird again.

_You shouldn't be feeling weird, you should be spending the limited time you have with Michal. He came all the way to visit you._

“I had this discussion with Tae and do you think it's cheating if you're naked next to another person but are not touching? Isn't it strange? He said it's not cheating because nudity is not a reason.” He examined his boyfriend’s face and chewed on his lip.

Michal started laughing like a maniac and slapped his shoulder.

“What bullshit is that? It would be cheating if you're in the sauna next to someone then. Cheating is when your dick is inside another person Hoseok, without a condom, because then you might give your boyfriend a STD.”

_What? What kind of explanation is that?_

“What?” He cleared his throat and wanted to ask more, but Michal had already tapped Hyungwon's shoulder and ordered two Zombies while Hoseok had stared at his face.

“Welcome back,” Hyungwon murmured, strangely uncomfortable compared to the last time they were there. Smiling briefly, the blonde man instantly began preparing their cocktails, staring at his hands.

_Did he not forgive you still? Or does he just hate you?_

“But cheating is when you are affectionate and close to another person while not caring about your partner, or not? And if you know that the significant other wouldn't like it. Isn't it clear?” he was busy trying to determine his boyfriend’s response and only looked at Hyungwon once, immediately letting his gaze focus on something else.

“Nah. Cheating is what I told you. At least for me, everyone is different there. So did you go to bed early that night? When you just threw me out?” The brown-haired man next to him smirked and grabbed his chin, leaning in and placing a kiss on his lips roughly.

“Uh, uhm yeah, I was tired, and I didn't throw you out, I just-" He got uncomfortable talking about it and turned, staring at his hands.

“You what? Don't act as if you didn't do anything wrong.” Hoseok really hoped that his boyfriend would get his cocktail and occupy his mouth with a straw.

“Well, it's possible to feel like shit,” Hyungwon remarked nonchalantly and placed their cocktails in front of them. There was something slightly different in the color of Hoseok’s, but it was difficult to tell. Maybe he just imagined it. “I ditch people all the time when I'm tired, which happens a lot. How was ya week, Michal?”

_You didn't feel like shit though._

“Me? Chill, besides this one day. And yours? You’re always working when I’m here.” They must've seen each other a lot if Hyungwon remembered him and his name.

“Yeah, I'm saving up, gotta work for the cash,” the blonde man replied and cleaned a glass before taking another order for a Mojito and beginning to prepare it.

“You can also visit more often, I mean- if you come here you can also come to my house,” Hoseok murmured as he was disappointed to hear that Michal had time to go out but no time to visit him.

“But it's boring. And if I do you just act as if you don't want to, so what's the point?”

“Let's drink.” He took his glass and took a sip. It tasted really sweet and barely like alcohol. He really liked it. “It's really good,” he muttered in Hyungwon's direction.

“I'm glad you like it,” the other man replied with a bright smile and moved a few of the cleaned whiskey glasses to a cupboard before adding a small decoration to the Mojito and giving it to one of the waitresses.

Michal started talking about the last EDM party and Hoseok spaced out after the first five minutes. Somehow, he really wanted to ask Hyungwon why he didn't come to get his picture taken but Michal would've asked what was wrong with him and since when he was taking pictures and it would've seemed really eager, which he wasn't.

“So, you worked the whole week? You don't have days where you don't work?” Hoseok couldn't prevent himself from opening his mouth and compensated by drinking a bit of his cocktail.

“Not at the moment, no,” Hyungwon replied and turned to look at him. “I would have contacted you otherwise.”

“Oh, uh, I just thought that you were busy, I don't know what you're up to so,” he stuttered like an idiot, earning himself a stare from his boyfriend.

“Well, it might be a bit better next week,” the blonde man remarked and also turned towards his boyfriend.

“Do you two know each other? How?” Michal looked a little panicky somehow, which was very much unlike him.

“Uhm, he is friends with Tae and we met because of work,” Hoseok shot out immediately, sucking in more of the tasty cocktail.

“Yeah, Hoseok is designing a studio with lighting and all and I happen to be involved,” Hyungwon replied and grinned at Michal before turning on the shaker and crunching some ice.

“Oh. You must be bored to death,” his boyfriend murmured and Hoseok felt himself get angry. It was a first.

“It's not boring, it's really interesting and Hyungwon has quite some knowledge even though he's pretty young, so it's rather fascinating.” Hoseok really didn't want to say it because the blonde boy was listening, and it hadn't been long since he had called him dumb and uneducated.

“That's what you think,” the other man commented and drank a big gulp of his cocktail. “So, are you willing to show me your bedroom from the inside or are you celibate?”

_What the heck?_

There was a loud noise as Hyungwon turned on the shaker again, glancing at them for a split second before preparing a new cocktail for a young girl that sat at the side with an older man.

“Don't know. I wanted to go to the light factory to pick out the bulbs and spots for the artist’s studio and they open at 6AM.” Drinking the rest, Hoseok curled his fingers around his boyfriend’s wrists, thinking about how to prevent getting more scratches because he planned on showing Hyungwon another shadow concept. He didn't mind scratches much, but they disturbed the natural surface of his skin and the shadows were not predictable at all depending on the shape of the scratch.

_So what? Are you not going to be close to your boyfriend because of some shadows that you want to show to a twenty-year-old? You're really nasty to him._

“But you can come over today, we haven't seen each other for a long time. But- but yeah, I will have to get up early, so maybe you can just stay over,” he suggested and let their glasses touch, resulting in a pretty sound.

“Stay over? Stay over and what? Cuddle? I also have stuff to do and limited time, either you take the whole package or wait until next week.” Michal finished his cocktail and grabbed his chin before leaning in and licking into his mouth. He tasted like a bottle of rum whereas he barely tasted any alcohol in his drink.

_Hyungwon didn't put much alcohol in yours._

Grabbing the other man's thigh, he squeezed it until Michal leaned back.

“I think I'll go home,” he muttered and grabbed his wallet, put a bill on the table and left, ignoring whatever his boyfriend was saying.

It took about ten minutes by foot and he walked through this strange area of Prague he actually would’ve rather not have walked through by foot, but he arrived without any problems and let himself fall onto the leather couch.

_He lay on it without clothes._

The thought was enough to make him jump up and curse. He definitely shouldn't hang out with strange people because his language started changing. In a bad way.

He changed into his black, silk pyjamas and glanced towards the open door of his work room he had avoided successfully over the past few days.

_You still have the pictures. At least transfer them to a USB stick, don't be weird._

Sighing, he entered the big space and turned on his screen, closing one eye and peeking through his other eye. As expected the picture appeared on all three screens simultaneously, giving him a level two heart attack. No matter what he thought about the boy’s personality, Hyungwon had a very aesthetic body. His golden tone and the patches of tattooed skin complimented each other perfectly, just like the fact that he was hairless and shaped like one of the Homme sculptures.

He clicked through the pictures and couldn't help the feeling that he could've done much better but had been distracted and ruined the pics.

After copying them onto the stick, Hoseok went through the lighting arrangements he had used to take the photos, thinking about every position until he suddenly had the very vivid image of the blonde boy crawling towards him. Naked.

_Oh god._

The bell broke his focus, almost vibrating at his fingertips with how sudden it was.

_Oh god, it's Michal, oh no._

He pressed all the buttons he could find and ran out, slamming the workroom-door shut behind himself and sprinting to the entrance. Opening the heavy metal door, he almost choked on spit.

Because it wasn't Michal.

Hyungwon was standing in front of him in all his tall glory in simple black ripped jeans that looked like he got stuck on a hook as usual and a plain white t-shirt. He was playing with the piercing in his lip while staring at him.

“I kinda thought now would be a good time,” he commented and placed both of his palms into his pockets.

_It's the worst time._

“Uh, it's 2AM, don't you- I don't know- sleep?” he asked but still opened the door because he was too shocked that it wasn't the person he had been expecting.

“I do,” Hyungwon chuckled, “I just work at night, so I pass out at different times compared to usual people, unless I force myself to work in the morning too. I kinda cancelled the first half for tomorrow, it's a first.” He hesitated before coming in, eyes focused on Hoseok’s.

“Do you want anything to drink? Or eat? Sushi?” he asked and grinned, remembering that Hyungwon was normally the one delivering it. “I transferred your pictures to an USB stick and can give it to you if you like.”

“That would be amazing, but-" The blonde man trailed off and slipped out of his sneakers that were literally hanging by a thread. “You said that you would take new ones for me.”

_You did._

“I did. Do you- do you want to do it now?” He went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water, bringing it to the blonde boy.

“If that's fine with you, yeah,” Hyungwon replied and shrugged before drinking everything at once. “I kinda want to work on it soon, for a project.”

“What exactly did you want to do? What I did last time or what you did last time you were here?” He glanced to the side, embarrassed about the fact that he had indeed undressed for Hyungwon for no reason.

_You had a reason, you were scared that he was too upset because of you._

“Both if that's fine with you,” Hyungwon replied and examined him carefully while obviously thinking further. “Or if it's too much for one evening- you need to get up early after all- we can do one and do the other another day. Whichever you prefer.”

Hoseok really didn't know what was worse, to get undressed or to watch Hyungwon take off his clothes.

_Either way, you should've worn underwear, Hoseok._

“Uhm, I don't know what's worse. What do you prefer?” he asked quietly before going to the wine fridge and pouring a glass. He swirled it and immediately took a sip of the red liquid to calm his nerves.

_Better._

“Listen, you look like you’re close to a mental breakdown, so I'll just do it, ‘lright?” Hyungwon said next to him and curled his fingers around Hoseok’s glass before emptying half of it. Big, brown eyes widened even further and turned towards him. “How expensive is this? It tastes like virgin tears.”

_What the hell are virgin tears?_

“Awesome, now I need another glass.” He pulled another one out and poured some wine into it, swirling it a couple of times, sucking in the nice scent before taking a careful sip. “Ah, it's really good, I might be able to take it if I drink enough.”

“To undress? Is it difficult for you?” Hyungwon asked with raised eyebrows and examined the way he held his glass, eyes slipping down to his pyjamas pants for a few moments. “Drinking expensive wine like this makes ya seem rather snobby, especially after getting another glass because I took a sip. Ya think I'm infectious or something?”

“No, you drank almost all of it. I'm not snobbish, I'm greedy.” He twirled it while tilting his head to the side and emptied all of it in one go. “I don't know what's worse, so let's go.” He sighed and walked towards his bedroom, obviously panicking in advance.

“Gosh, I'll do it, just do what you are good at,” the blonde man commented and stroked over his head as they arrived at the bedroom, as if he tried to calm him. There was zero hesitation with how Hyungwon turned off the main light, relying on the mass of additional lights and pulled his white t-shirt over his head like it was nothing.

_Just keep calm. You're working. Working. Like a professional._

“And then you're mad because I say mean things,” he murmured and took the remote to not stand at the console like a dumbass and possibly present his reaction in all its glory. He sat on the bed and crossed his legs, positioning the white spots according to where Hyungwon stood.

“I can also be honest, you look absolutely gorgeous when undressing and your body is perfect for what I do. I wish you would do it all the time, so I could draw it. But then you seemed uncomfortable, so I wanted to make you feel more at ease by doing it myself for now.” Hyungwon pulled his thumbs into his jeans casually while he talked until he undid the button and the zipper, slipping them down his endless legs. “Did that seem mean to you? I'm sorry if it was.”

_How is him undressing in any way comfortable?_

“Is this how you make others feel at ease? I don't know whether it's a good approach, either way, strike your pose and I'll do the light.”

“As you like,” Hyungwon whispered, voice suddenly much more quiet as if he changed the atmosphere all by himself, underwear landing on the ground much like the rest of his attire. It was fascinating how he prepared his body, flexing each muscle for a short instance, starting with his arms, shoulders and abdomen and finishing with his thighs and legs. Once the blonde man was done, he inhaled sharply and lifted his right thigh a little, just like in the previous pictures while his hands hugged his shoulders, elbows moving up to cover his face. It was gorgeous.

He didn't know how long Hyungwon was able to keep it up, so he acted as fast as he could, moving the spots and switching between blue, white and yellow, deciding for yellowish and turning on the two red LEDs that covered Hyungwon's inked body in a beautiful mixture of blood red light and shadow, appearing vulnerable.

“I'll get the cam,” he whispered and put the remote on the bed to get his camera from the work room. After he came back, he couldn't believe his eyes as Hyungwon simply stayed still in posture even though it must've been extremely straining.

He attempted a few shots, walking around the other man and capturing the light and shadow interactions on his tense body. It was perfect.

“I think I've got it.” He clicked through the gallery to see it once again. It was simply mesmerizing.

Hyungwon slipped out of his posture carefully, first the elbows that he returned to his stomach, then his long fingers that loosened their grip on his shoulders, sliding down his body to his waist. A shaky breath left the blonde boy and the tension in his legs reduced as he placed his thigh back, hands remaining crossed at his chest.

“Can I see?” he whispered and looked up, interrupting the light so that it illuminated his face.

Hoseok hummed and closed the distance, going back to the first picture and holding the cam so that Hyungwon could see.

“You see? With the shadows on your face I can't see your eyes, not at all, and the tension in your muscles looks incredible with the red light, it's crazy.” Hoseok couldn't contain his excitement.

“Shit, holy shit,” the blonde man hissed and covered Hoseok’s hands with his own, looking at the pictures intently. “This is just- it's breathtaking. I can't take pictures like this and I don't have the light either. Fuck. It's-" White teeth settled on the plump, red lips as Hyungwon glanced at him.

“I don't know how you can put yourself in a certain position like this, it almost looks as if you know exactly how it will look, I just know because I stand in front of a mirror. I seem like a toddler compared to you, of course I'm self-conscious,” he murmured.

“You're more natural. It was perfect when you stood in the studio in the light of dawn. I could see it all, the nervousness, guilt, everything, just in your posture. With me it is more planned even if it looks smooth. I've been doing this for a long time.” Hyungwon seemed really focused on his thoughts, talking quickly and easily curling an arm around Hoseok’s shoulders, almost like he didn't even realize he was doing it. “Don't be self-conscious, it's perfect. I barely think about anything else.”

_Apart from what? You?_

“Apart from the light? It's really beautiful, isn't it? It makes things shine independent of their nature. I love it, a lot.” He clicked through the pictures and zoomed in on Hyungwon's collarbone, enjoying how the light passed it, creating a beautiful double shadow.

“This is simply unreal,” Hyungwon murmured and leaned in a little. “It's amazing that ya can do what ya like and earn money from it.”

“Noooo, it's not as it seems. I rarely do really interesting lighting arrangements, I'm happy when I'm able to work with museums, but it's mostly attorneys wanting ‘fancy’ and ‘expensive looking’ stuff and companies wanting their employees to stay longer without getting tired, that's what right light can do too.” He sighed and looked up.

_You're chatting while standing in the arms of a naked man._

“Ew, fair enough. It had seemed so epic to me, doing light arrangements, earning lots of cash and rolling in it while bringing people down that aren't as fortunate.” As soon as the words were out the blonde man bit his lip and glanced to the side. Hyungwon shifted his legs which caught Hoseok’s attention for a moment before he looked away quickly. “Sorry, suddenly felt a little bitter again. Your pictures are amazing, and I wish I could have pictures like this for my art all the time.”

“I am able to have my own apartment after working nonstop for five years, I don't know how it's rolling in cash, but yes, I have expensive things because five years was really enough. I spend most of the ‘cash I roll in’ on sculptures.” He looked away, suddenly feeling strange next to Hyungwon who was completely naked. “What kind of art do you need the pictures for? Your drawings? But why would you draw from pictures?”

“The pictures aren't the end product,” the other man whispered and Hoseok could feel his long fingers tighten around his shoulder, probably subconsciously. “They are only what I need to create the end product, I need a model, a realistic representation.” It was abstract, like Hyungwon felt unsure about telling him, barely looking him in the eyes despite their hips touching.

“And what is this end product? You draw, don't you? I saw you drawing me when I showed you the sunrise.” Hoseok stepped a little to the side, feeling the proximity crawling up into his consciousness and put the camera on the bed. Hyungwon stood there, covered in red light and it looked beautiful. It really did.

_Maybe you also need a model to show how beautiful light is._

“I do draw,” Hyungwon replied, hesitating a little. It looked different from when he posed. The elegance was there, just like the other man still seemed confident in his skin, but his facial expressions were visible, there was more information. “I also drew you, it- it was mesmerizing. I am thankful you showed me, Hoseok.”

“Why are you so weird? Do you want to get dressed? Please do, I'm not forcing you to stay naked!”

“I-" It was sudden how the other man's eyes narrowed, and he let go of Hoseok’s shoulder. “I was just being genuine with you and you call me weird.”

“No, you weren't! You were genuine being absolutely nonchalant and now you look uncomfortable! I saw that you drew me and I'm happy that you liked the light because it must've been really beautiful, so do you want me to undress or not?” He crossed his arms in front of his chest before realizing what he just said.

“I do,” the blonde man replied quietly as his lips parted and the tension disappeared from his features.

_What?_

The words sunk in and he stared at Hyungwon's face, who was absolutely gorgeous in the red light. He felt so nervous that he could barely breathe.

“Would you like to dim the light further?” Hyungwon asked quietly and stepped a little closer, looking at him intently as he reached out and closed his index finger and thumb around the first button of his pyjamas top. “Is it easier if I help you?”

_No. Oh god, no._

“Uh, I will adjust the light differently for myself, the red- it doesn't show what I want to show.” While he was speaking, the blonde man already undid the first button slowly, continuing on with the second. His fingers were soft and a little cold against his hot skin.

“You- you're cold, you should get dressed,” he whispered, lifting his hands but too scared to touch Hyungwon's long fingers that slid along his shirt.

He swallowed, staring at Hyungwon's face that was so close to his. Way too close. They didn't do anything, at least nothing one could've called anything but weird.

_Maybe you're just both weird?_

***

 

It was almost overwhelming how quickly the atmosphere changed between them. In one second, he was drowning in the perceptions of his body and the way he needed to remain, interaction light and professional. In the next something changed about the black-haired man and he returned to being uncomfortable, saying things he probably didn't mean and attempting to pull information out of Hyungwon he wasn't willing to share.

_You can't tell him the sculptures are yours. He won't understand._

Hyungwon still felt a little bad about the older man telling him that he spent most of his money on his sculptures, it felt crazy. The knowledge alone that somebody was willing to have his work in his house, perfected with illumination was beyond overwhelming. Hoseok wouldn't have understood why he was a person like he was. The black-haired man had different expectations of artists and Hyungwon didn't want to break them, not yet.

_You need this for the exhibition, it's beyond what you can do on your own._

It was fascinating how the other man was able to be confident and insulting in one second, just to return to his almost stuttering and unsure self the next. The thought alone that the black-haired man had offered to undress for him was unreal, everything he had wished for over the past two weeks. Hyungwon had to finish the sculpture and he needed more material, he needed to see the way creases formed on the other man's thighs, how they moved down and the definition of his abs. How he would look with a raised hand, covering his face, expressing himself.

He almost gasped at the image alone, stepping closer and listening to the nervous outbursts as he attempted to help and unbutton the first few buttons. They were really close, breaths intermingling between them and tickling his cheeks with each exhale.

“You- you're cold, you should get dressed,” Hoseok stuttered but decided not to touch him, hands hanging in the air until he returned them to his sides.

“My limbs get cold quickly, it doesn't have to mean anything,” he replied quietly and opened the next button, focused on the way Hoseok’s pale skin looked in the dim light. It was beautiful, and he would have touched it if it hadn't been a little too much. After all he hadn't asked for consent.

The other man obviously wanted to say something but licked over his lips instead. Hyungwon would've thought that he was okay, if he hadn't been breathing so hard, chest rising and falling way too frequent to be considered normal.

_Are you scaring him, Hyungwon?_

He glanced up again, meeting the other man's dark eyes. They looked almost black.

“Are you okay, Hoseok?” he asked softly and opened the next button carefully, glancing down to see the first lines of the black-haired man's abdomen, a few single moles littering the skin. Even in the dimmed light it looked gorgeous and Hyungwon wished to see it in motion.

_You have to stop if he doesn't want to._

“I- It's not that I'm not okay- you, I don't think I'll be able to undress if you touch me,” the other man whispered and glanced to the side.

“What do you mean?” he asked, not quite understanding why the other man was so uncomfortable. Sure, undressing was difficult but Hoseok had managed in a random studio at dawn.

He opened the last button and couldn't help the way his hands moved along Hoseok’s waist and paused at the black-haired man's waistband.

_This is getting difficult._

“You- why are you doing this?” Hoseok breathed out but gasped as soon as his hands touched his waist. “I don't think I'll meet your art standards if you continue like this.” The other man had his eyes closed and stood there motionless.

_Get a grip, Hyungwon, it's too much for him._

_And for you._

He inhaled sharply and let his hands move along the other man's hips before letting go, barely resisting the urge to run his hands over Hoseok’s chest. An urge he couldn't really justify with art anymore.

“You will, I'm sorry, you can do the rest,” he whispered. His breath hit the other man's face before he stepped back a little. The tension was heavy, thick in the air and making it difficult to breathe.

“I need a moment, I'll be right back.” Hoseok turned around and left.

It felt like a sharp knife had cut the fog, air finally getting through to his lungs as he let himself fall on the bed and took a few desperate breaths, focusing on the way the oxygen rushed through his body.

_It's about art, Hyungwon, but you can't just undress him like that and expect him not to react. Fuck._

He closed his eyes and enjoyed how cool the sheets felt against his naked skin. It felt relaxing and took some of the pressure away, distracting him from the fact that he had wanted to touch the man in charge of his studio that was rather snobby and fucking hated him. At least before. Hyungwon wasn't that sure anymore.

The door opened for a couple of seconds but closed again.

_What the actual fuck? Does he think you're staining his bed? He fucking pushed you on top of it last time._

A few seconds passed, and the door opened again. Hoseok walked inside while glancing to the side and obviously trying not to look at him.

“Okay, let me turn on the right light and I'll take off the rest,” the gorgeous, black-haired man murmured and glanced towards the bed, probably towards the remote that lay between Hyungwon's legs, and turned around to operate the console on the wall.

It took a minute or less for the muscular man to adjust the lights to a more black and white combination that looked intense even though it was dimmed. Hyungwon took the time to examine the scratches on Hoseok's back and the defined muscles that were flexing while he was adjusting.

_Those must have really hurt when they were fresh._

“Done.”

Hyungwon sat up and crossed his legs comfortably, placing the remote to the side in case Hoseok needed it later. His eyes were fixed on the other man's muscular body while leaning back. It was fascinating with how a small movement was absolutely sufficient to show an action or an emotion. Hoseok wouldn't have needed much to appear devastated, just a small adjustment of his shoulders.

“Your body is so expressive,” Hyungwon muttered and couldn't help but feel sad about not having paper. “Can I also take pictures?”

Hoseok turned around and stared at him with huge eyes, before calming down a little and nodding. It was fascinating to watch how Hoseok walked three perfect steps towards a certain point in his room and positioned himself there before closing his eyes and sliding down his silk pants and remaining naked.

He was breathtaking.

The light was perfect, just like his body. His skin was very pale and paired with the incredible muscle definition he might have been a sculpture himself without doing much. Apart from his dick, that was most definitely too huge to be part of a Greek or Roman sculpture. The other man's thighs were thick and covered in defined muscles that created lines through the black and white lighting highlighting every part of Hoseok's body.

“What do you want me to do?”

Hyungwon almost gasped at the question, not expecting it at all with how he had been focused on the black-haired man's gorgeous body and expressive potential. Hoseok still had his eyes closed, chest rising and falling a little quicker than usually.

_He's nervous._

“How do you feel right now, Hoseok? Try to express it but so that you don't show your face, “ he replied quietly and grabbed the camera while he did so, taking a picture before the other man acted. He simply had to. There was something to the light color that stained his cheeks, a soft pink that could have been drawn with how it spread over his beautiful face.

There was nothing until the other man sunk down slowly, crouching down and curling both arms around his head while he buried his face so that Hyungwon couldn't see it. The lights created fine shadows on the spots where Hoseok's muscles flexed from the strain it took to remain in the position and it looked absolutely stunning.

_That's it, that's what you needed._

Hyungwon could barely breathe with how the sight stole his senses, fingers shaking a little despite the tight grip he had on the camera. A rough exhale finally left him as he lifted the device to his face and focused on capturing the sight, reproducing it so that he was able to put it into stone. Hoseok was perfect, everything was visible on his body, shown through motions and muscle contraction. Hyungwon barely contained the wish to walk over to him and curl his arms around him, to make him feel better, to relieve the shame he must have felt.

_That's how real it is._

He took another deep breath and took a picture, capturing the angles he needed and the details, moving closer to have the lines on Hoseok’s legs, the definition on his back, his arms, the position of his fingers on his upper arms. He needed to capture it all, keep it to recreate it.

He didn't know how many pictures he had taken, capturing all possible angles and expressions in addition to the details. His breath remained caught in his throat as he placed the camera on the bed and closed the distance, interrupting one of the rays of light with his fingers, throwing a shadow on Hoseok’s back. It almost looked like he was embracing him, holding him with his hand much like he wanted to.

Biting down on his lip, he kneeled down and hesitantly lifted both his arms, letting them slip along Hoseok’s shoulders and arms until he pressed his chest to the black-haired man's hot back. The temperature difference was crazy, heat instantly travelling through his chest and warming up his limbs, hot exhales brushing along the soft hair on the other man's nape.

“Thank you,” Hyungwon whispered, voice barely audible despite the proximity. He felt overwhelmed.

Hoseok didn't say anything, but he could hear his breaths and how his back rose and fell under his body. The other man lifted his head slowly, resting it against his shoulder.

Hyungwon let his fingers travel downwards to the other man's waist, making it possible to curl his whole body around him as well as he could. It felt intimate, like Hoseok had given him something that he had to be thankful for, something special and meaningful.

_He was vulnerable for you._

He returned the gesture by leaning forward with his head and placing it on the black-haired man's pale shoulder, pressing his lips to the soft skin lightly.

Hoseok exhaled sharply but kept his arms tight to not lose balance.

“Did you see something in my posture that you liked?” Hoseok asked quietly.

“Fuck, thank you so much, Hoseok. It's perfect, really,” he murmured against the other man's shoulder, lips still pressed against it. He closed his eyes for a few seconds. “Thank you for showing me.”

“I can't put this into a category,” the low voice sounded directly next to his ear while Hoseok let his head rest on his shoulder. Hyungwon glanced to the side, but the other man's eyes were closed.

_What does he mean?_

“You mean- us being close like this?” he whispered, still overwhelmed by the atmosphere and the vulnerability Hoseok showed, unwilling to open his eyes. It felt unfamiliar to be close like this, more so than taking off the other man's shirt bit by bit.

“Mhm, is it even okay? I don't know. I can't tell.” Hoseok lifted up on his feet slowly and took him along until they both stood. The other man turned around and looked up, focusing on his face. There was light pink colour on Hoseok’s cheeks, spreading downwards. It was beautiful and Hyungwon barely resisted reaching out and stroking over the blushed skin with his thumb.

_What are you even doing?_

He didn't know, but it felt intense, like an emotion that remained in one's chest without finding expression, neither through a motion nor through words.

“It's okay for me,” he replied, voice barely there and hands remaining on Hoseok’s waist although they were standing. “But is it okay for you? I'm just- I'm thankful. Thank you for showing me.”

“I don't know. I don't know what this is. I don't know what we're both doing, is it about light? Is it still about what human bodies can express under certain lighting? Because if not, why are you here then? You called me a rich, snobbish prick and you said that you hate me, but you're here in my bedroom, naked, hugging me, I don't understand this.” Hoseok closed his eyes again and breathed in loudly, biting down on his lower lip painfully.

The other man seemed to struggle so much, overwhelmed with their proximity, just like Hyungwon himself.

_Why are you doing this? Shouldn't you just go home and work on your sculptures? He treated you like shit before._

It was because he was vulnerable, Hoseok was vulnerable and showed it. To him, somebody who meant nothing to him, a person that he even insulted and looked down on. Why would he have showed him? It was meaningful.

“You expressed something, an emotion under certain lighting and I am reacting to it,” Hyungwon murmured and held onto the warm skin of Hoseok’s waist a little tighter, heart beating furiously in his chest. “Unable to help it.”

“Maybe I should stop expressing it then. Or you shouldn't be able to see it.” Hoseok leaned to the side and grabbed the remote from the bed, covering them both in absolute darkness.

_No._

“Better?”

“Not at all,” Hyungwon hissed and pulled the other man flush against him. It felt so hot, like a whole fire, burning his skin. He leaned in to keep his voice quiet and spoke his following words into the other man's ear, forcing himself to stay calm. “Why are you so different, Hoseok? Why am I allowed to see this when you consider me dumb and unworthy?”

“I- I don't know. I don't know what you want with me either, you just seem to see light in a similar way I do, I don't know about anything else. You-" He felt how an arm curled around his waist hesitantly. Hyungwon gasped at the sensation, warmth so fucking pleasant on his skin. It helped to distract from the darkness, almost like he chose to keep his eyes closed.

“You're the only one who decided to do it, the studio. The only one.” He didn't know why he said it. It just seemed like an explanation, like something meaningful that connected them, even if the black-haired man didn't really know.

“It still doesn't explain this. It doesn't. And you don't need to feel thankful because I'm having fun doing it, I told you before, it's not because I'm a good person or anything.” Hoseok’s voice was so close that he could feel the air hit his cheek and lips.

Hoseok was right, he was absolutely right. There was no reason for Hyungwon to react like this. None at all and he never had before. He took his pictures, mostly of himself and created his sculptures, focusing on the expressions and nothing else. There were no emotional responses like this, none. He never wished to be close or to touch the other person, even if their body was expressive and could show something that his never could.

_Why do you care so much?_

“It doesn't have to be meaningful to you, but it is to me,” he muttered. It was the knowledge that Hoseok was the one who helped him to fulfil his dream, be it through working as an architect, giving him inspiration, money or something else. It was stupid and made him naive, especially with all the insults but that's just how it was.

“I think- I think we should get dressed, I have no idea otherwise,” Hoseok muttered while his embrace tightened before loosening again until the other man removed his arm around his waist.

His heartbeat picked up, adrenaline shooting through his system at the loss of contact and the darkness. It was like a pillar had been removed and he was dropped into freefall.

_Fuck._

Hyungwon sucked his piercing into his mouth and hummed in agreement, forcing himself to stay calm. He would have gladly put his clothes back on if he had been able to see at least his fucking hand.

“I- I can't see anything.”

“I can. Stay here, I feel better like this.” He heard shuffling noises before Hoseok's warm fingers curled around his wrist while the other man placed clothes into his palm. The contact was a little calming, but it disappeared just as fast.

It was strange to say the least, dressing in the dark while the other man's exhales were the only thing he could hear. It was frightening, like something could happen and he wouldn't know, couldn't stop it.

_You're helpless._

Once he had pulled his clothes over his naked body as well as he could, he merely stood there, feeling utterly lost, unable to see a single thing.

_Just don't be scared._

“Hoseok?”

“This really feels better because I can see things you can't. How does it feel?” Suddenly there were fingers walking along his arm.

Hyungwon hissed but remained in place, unsure what was happening and where exactly the other man was. He barely resisted the wish to curl around the point of contact, to have at least some reassurance. It was pitch black and there was nothing he could see, not even a line of light that could have told him where the hallway was. It felt much more detailed then when he could see it, like his body had focused all of his attention on tactile perceptions, mentally begging for them to stay.

Suddenly he felt strong muscular arms curl around him from behind while the other man's body pulled him flush against himself, hot breath tickling his ear.

“Let's say it's my revenge. It was fun seeing you like this too,” the other man whispered, holding him a few seconds longer before letting go and blinding him with the light that came through the door he just opened.

_He mirrored it for you. But it's not the same._

He lifted his arm to his eyes to get used to the bright light and inhaled a few times, trying to calm his heartbeat. He could still feel the strength with which the other man had pressed him against his muscular chest, the warmth around his waist, the hot air that had tickled his ear.

_He must have felt helpless and you just acted, overwhelming him._

“I'm sorry, I should have asked,” he murmured and brushed through his hair, finally focusing on the other man who was barely bothered by the bright light. “Could you give me the pictures?”

Hoseok nodded and took the camera, walking towards the work room. He followed while Hoseok connected the camera and turned on the screens that lit up in a bright light. Only to show him himself. In all his naked glory.

“Wow, well, if that's not me,” he commented with a chuckle and leaned against the backrest of Hoseok’s chair. It felt somehow good to see that the other man had been looking at his pictures.

“I- I copied them. To the USB, here!” Hoseok lifted the USB stick and waved with it. The older man was adorable.

“Of course, you did,” Hyungwon reassured him and just smiled, looking at the way the new light had been so much better. It was crazy how good Hoseok was when it came to light.

“Do you want to look at them first? Just do it, I'll go brush my teeth, and you can copy them to the USB stick.” The black-haired man looked uncomfortable and left the room in a hurry, running out like a panicked bunny. It looked really funny.

“Sure,” Hyungwon replied although it wasn’t necessary, Hoseok had already disappeared without waiting for an answer.

_You are curious though._

He copied the files over and opened the first few, absolutely amazed by the way Hoseok had managed to emphasize the motions with the chosen light. It was gorgeous and way beyond what Hyungwon was able to do at his student dorm. His photos weren't even halfway as decent.

He copied the pictures over to the USB and opened the ones he had taken of Hoseok. There were over 30, showing the black-haired man from various angles and with a lot of details for the sculpture, muscular lines and the way the black-haired man's thighs were contracted. It was gorgeous, stunning, none of the words Hyungwon had in his vocabulary would have been enough to express how the pictures made him feel. He copied them over as well and left the one picture of himself that he liked the most on the monitor.

_This is way more than you could have hoped for._

Placing the USB into his back pocket, he leaned against the entrance to the bathroom and glanced inside, watching Hoseok for a few seconds.

“Thank you for the pictures, really. They are so beautiful.”

“I hope that it won't be useless. I really have to go to sleep, I have to get up in two hours. It's not a lot. And you should sleep too. A lot.” Hoseok took water into his mouth and cleaned it. It looked hilarious.

Hyungwon barely contained a chuckle and smiled a little at the sight.

“You know, you wanted to buy that stuff for the studio, but if you can go to work later please do. You can get it a different day too, don't overdo it. I’ve already kept you up enough.” He brushed through his hair and rubbed his eyes a little, preparing himself for going home by motorcycle.

_Stop wanting to stay, you'll just get upset again._

“No, buying stuff for the project is the most fun part of the day, so I really want to do it. But who knows, maybe I'll get sushi tomorrow,” the other man murmured and walked him to the door.

_Was that positive or not?_

Hyungwon couldn't really tell, but with the way Hoseok murmured it, he probably hadn't wanted to scream it around, so it was probably positive.

_He wants to see you?_

“I took time off for this, otherwise I would already have been home. But I do delivery starting 6 PM tomorrow,” he heard himself say, as if it mattered and the other man really had to order when he was the one delivering. “Again, I'm sorry for keeping you up. Maybe you can buy the stuff for the project a little later.”

Hoseok shook his head and smiled, he looked really tired.

“Be careful and buy a helmet for god's sake.” The other man opened the door and waved before closing it behind him.

Hyungwon would have told him that he had a helmet before, but it was stolen, however, he missed the right timing, just like back then at the studio. He would have bought a new one had it not been ridiculously expensive, but it wasn’t something to share with the black-haired man.

_Since when do you open up like this to people that treat you like shit, Hyungwon?_

Probably since he visited Hoseok’s apartment and embraced him in the dark.

_Just focus on your sculptures._

_

 

“Nothing makes any fucking sense,” he groaned and let himself fall on his mom's bed, mostly on top of her. Luckily it didn't matter because he weighed less than she did, a sad feature of his slim body type. “I'm fucking conflicted.”

“What are you conflicted about? Working too much? You're absolutely right, you should definitely take better care of yourself, oh and I bought you shoes. It's getting cold and yours look like a fifty year old man trying to appear open-minded.” His mom giggled and hugged him.

Hyungwon curled his arms around her slim waist and buried his head in the first place he could reach which happened to be her stomach, soft and warm to the touch.

“The architect taking care of my studio, the guy I told ya about, the one I know, he kinda stripped for me,” he murmured and groaned again, remembering how vulnerable Hoseok had been, crouching on the ground and burying his head in his arms. It was so expressive and Hyungwon just wanted to ditch work and stay in his dorm room and work on stone for hours.

_But ya need the cash._

“He what? Oh, does he like you? You do have some charming points I have to say, your face is really pretty, and your body is also nice for a man, you're artistic and hardworking, you are sensitive and smart, he must like you a lot.” A warm palm stroked over his hair.

_Ehm, no?_

“What? He hates me, mom,” Hyungwon murmured and looked up, staring at her plump lips and prominent nose. “He stripped so I could take pictures for my sculptures. He constantly tells me I'm dumb and uneducated and that I ‘don't look like someone who would like art’ in addition to being lazy and only good at undressing. He did apologize for the last ones though.”

_By undressing._

“You know that it sounds like this one time you ate a pot muffin without telling me and kept repeating this story about a green worm invading our tv and speaking Turkish? It doesn't make any sense. Nobody would undress in front of another person just like that. Apart from the exhibitionist rapy dude in the park around the block, but he gets off from that, so either your architect is this kind of guy or he likes you,” his mother elaborated and pulled his hair accidentally.

“Ouch,” Hyungwon winced and moved with the motion, rising up a little. “He confuses the shit outta me. I thought the same and teased him about it but then he got all freaked out and blushed and looked so damn adorable and kept running away. But in the next moment he tells me I'm dumb. It's tiring.”

He sighed loudly and sat up a little, grabbing three strands of pretty hair and braiding them as he continued talking.

“I know I should mind my own business, but he has a boyfriend. One that seems- rather into kissing other guys. Fuck, I know it's not my concern but it's so fucking obvious. This fucker got him trashed to fuck him and scratch his back bloody, mom. It's just fucked up.”

“Different people, different kinks. Maybe the architect likes it, how would you know? But the blushing does sound adorable though. I got hooked on Melissa ‘cause she blushes like a baby, it's hard to resist.” She smiled before continuing. “But does his boyfriend know that he's blushing and stripping for you? Is he okay with that?”

Well, that was a pretty good question. Especially after Hoseok had lied beautifully about getting off and them meeting because of work only.

“Not really, his boyfriend kinda visited while I was naked in his bedroom and he panicked and told him they can't fuck cause he's tired and already got off and whatnot. The fun stuff,” Hyungwon retold and brushed through his hair. It was cold to lie on top of the blanket, so he climbed under it, remaining flat against his mom's legs and hips.

“See? They both lie, dramatic,” she commented and pinched his cheek lightly. “But I'm not really interested in their drama, what about you? Why are you so concerned? I mean, if he stripped for your sculpture you should be happily working on it?”

“I gotta work for money first, but it's amazing, mom. Ya- ya can't even imagine, it's so vulnerable and he's so gorgeous. We just stood there and hugged because he looked so helpless and I couldn't help it and I don't even know what the fuck was wrong with me. He's absolutely stunning, perfect for sculptures. He can express it all, just through his body. It's- fuck, my vocabulary is not enough.”

Hyungwon sucked air through his plump lips and let go of his mom's waist, covering his eyes instead while he imagined the way he was going to reproduce the pictures.

“He's a work of art, the pictures- fuck.”

“I mean I'm not an expert in gay artistic epiphanies, but I don't think the hugging is part of it. Sure, I mean, maybe you're thankful but it seems as if there is something about him. You're normally not one to get overwhelmed easily, or are you? Especially not with people who look down on others. It's a little weird to be honest with how he seems to hide from his boy and undresses for you while insulting you. It's like this one lesbian who hated on me in school because she couldn't take the fact that she wanted to fuck me, pretending to like dick and all that ridiculous stuff. I wrote her on Facebook two weeks ago to congratulate her about her new girlfriend and to remind her of it. Not that she forgets.” A loud laughter sounded through the room.

_She's right, you're being weird._

“You're such a bitch,” Hyungwon remarked with a chuckle and grinned at the manic response. It sounded like she accused Hoseok of kindergarten behavior, liking somebody and pulling their hair as a sign of love. Although Hyungwon wouldn't have minded hair pulling all that much. “You liked dick back then too.”

“Yes, but I didn't pretend as if it's my only religion, Hyungwon, people have to be open minded. So you're hooked? How old is he even?”

_What?_

“Hooked? Listen, that's a little too harsh, don't ya think? Maybe ‘intrigued’ fits it better? I want to sculpt him and I kind of want him to be naked under that fancy lighting in his bedroom all the time, but I don't want him to carry me bridal style and tell me he loves me. God no. Jesus.” He shuddered at the thought and shook his head quickly to get rid of the image of Hoseok staring at him with his black eyes in a tuxedo and throwing him on top of a bed.

_Don't go there._

Just that it kinda happened already, with way less clothes involved.

“He's older, an established architect with lots of dough. He thought I was a schoolboy who takes drugs.”

“Well, you're not a school kid but you do burn one once in a while, so he has a point. Established architect sounds scary and you wanting him naked in his bedroom also sounds pretty clear to me. So what are you confused about?” she asked and ruffled his hair.

“For god’s sake, mom. I want him naked in his bedroom because he has this fancy light equipment that he pulls up and then everything is just gorgeous and those lines and muscles and fuck, fucking shit. You can't even imagine.” He groaned at the fact that he had to work and couldn't print the pictures yet. “I'll have to show you, but then again I don't know if he's okay with it. Either way, I'm confused about why I care so much if he's this hot, snobby bastard.”

“Hot and muscular sound fancy, snobby bastard on the other hand not as much. Then think about it some more. And not to be this old woman who ruins all the fun, but don't sabotage your own project. Not that he gets all emotional and drops it. You worked way too much for this.” His mother's warm palm stroked over his head and removed a loose strand from his forehead.

_Shit, you didn't even think about this, Hyungwon._

“Fuck, I forgot about that. But he said that he won't ditch it, which I hope was the truth. Fuck, he will do such an amazing job, he's amazing! Can't wait for you to see it, god.” He was probably a little too excited, but he couldn't help it, the desire to just run to the studio and see the finished project or the way Hoseok’s skin glistened in the sunlight was overwhelming.

It was okay to be excited, he just had to keep himself in check and stay out of issues that weren't his.

Like the fact that Hoseok deserved better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 28th of October at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm blushing because you're stupid, why else would I blush?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

_You're crazy._

Sitting on the edge of the bed and staring at the round window that let in the largest amount of light possible, Hoseok almost facepalmed at his behavior the night before.

_You let him undress you while he was naked and undressed in front of him. You let him hug you. Naked. Why are you like this?_

Why was Hyungwon like this? Didn't he just want to have pictures to draw and to create his ‘finished product’? Why had he hugged him and kissed his shoulder? He could still remember how the warm metal had felt in combination with the other man's hot, soft lips. His skin was really sensitive, it was nice when he was touched softly.

_It was not about light, or was it?_

He felt stupid, but he also felt incredibly confused about the other man's behavior, it really seemed as if Hyungwon was thankful for the light arrangement Hoseok was able to create.

_But you also don't go around hugging and kissing other people's shoulders while being naked._

Maybe Hyungwon had different standards.

_He probably does it with the people he hangs out with, it might be some kind of ‘ethic’ normal people wouldn't understand._

Like Hoseok. Hoseok didn't understand.

_

 

“I apologized. I hope you're happy now,” he murmured and packed a bunch of red LEDs into the shopping cart.

“You, you should be the happy one, Hoseok, aren't you content that he's happy? His smile is beautiful, just like his face and his body and his soul. He is so talented, and his mind is absolutely beautiful.” Taehyung couldn't stop talking, it was disconcerting.

“You talk about him as if he's some kind of Picasso Buddha while he just lets others strip for him to draw, that's nothing much. You undressed for him too, so did you hug and kiss and all that?” Looking to the side, Hoseok grabbed a lightbulb he didn't need and also wouldn't need in the near future, placing it into his cart for no reason.

“What? Do you want me to pinch you? You know I'll do it. Here.” Taehyung pointed between his legs, Hoseok's eyes widened and he jumped to the side. One couldn't be cautious enough with Taehyung's mood swings.

“We never touched, you peasant. I undressed, he drew me with all his clothes on and then I got dressed. Well, I did hug him goodbye, but I also hug the tree in front of the office. I don't think it counts as extraordinary body contact. Why would you ask if we kissed?” His best friend stepped closer and focused his gaze on his face.

“Don't know, because he's like that? How would I know? Do you think I would know that? We're not that close and why would he hug and kiss me? Or why would I? I have a boyfriend! And- I don't even like him and he doesn't like me, why would he want to? I mean- it doesn't make sense, does it?” Hoseok blabbered and gestured furiously. “You're preventing me from working with your stupid questions!” he exclaimed and grabbed another bulb, not fitting to his sockets at all.

“What are you hiding, Hoseok? You're blushing, you never blush unless you're trying to hide something, say it! Now!” Tae’s crazy looking gaze penetrated his sight while the other man curled his long fingers around his arm painfully.

“I'm blushing because you're stupid, why else would I blush?” He immediately felt bad and glanced at his best friend in panic. He looked so incredibly disappointed that he immediately cracked. He just couldn't take upsetting Taehyung. It was a no go.

“We kind of have a similar passion towards light, and we've met a couple of times and he was at my place and got undressed and I took pictures because it was really beautiful, but then Michal came and I kinda threw him out and then he wanted to stay over but I upset him and he left and then I took off my shirt at this studio I'm working on, to say I'm sorry and he accepted and came to my place, and then he got undressed and I took better pictures but then he also wanted to see me in this lighting but I felt really strange so he just started undressing me and I couldn't- I just left and then I came back and undressed and he told me to show how I feel so I did and he took pictures, but he didn't get dressed and just hugged me and kissed my shoulder and his arms were around my waist and it was really strange, I don't even know, I panicked so I turned off the light, but then he just hugged me, really- like really close, and I kinda- I hugged back but then I got dressed because it was crazy, but I still hugged him to show that it's strange. He went home after copying the pictures. I don't know, Tae, what does he want from me, and what do I want? I just like light, it's about light, isn't it?” he finished and stared at his best friend, who was glancing at the woman next to him who stood there obviously traumatized by his story and had been judging him hard.

“Do you like him, Hoseok? You would never do all those things. Do you like him?” Tae asked but it rang in his ears and he just took the cart and walked away.

_This is ridiculous._

_

 

_Just eat something else. It doesn't have to be sushi. It doesn't. It doesn't._

It did. He placed the order and changed into jeans and a black shirt to not get undressed accidentally.

_It has no buttons. And why would he undress you, he has the pictures._

He waited for thirty minutes, drinking one and a half glasses of wine and nearly hyperventilating until the bell finally rang.

He ran to the door, remembering that he wasn't eager and stopped in the middle before walking the rest smoothly and like an adult person getting delivery.

“It's late,” he commented after opening the door.

“Perfect time to get laid,” Hyungwon replied with a grin and a white sushi box in his hands.

_No._

He slammed the door shut and stared at it for a few seconds before he heard a knocking sound. Licking over his lips and calming himself down sufficiently, he opened it again, trying to look serious.

“It was a joke, Hoseok, ‘cause it rhymes ya know, ‘late’ and ‘laid’.” Hyungwon was sucking his lip piercing into his mouth and shifting from one leg to the next, like he was worried about Hoseok throwing the door in his face again.

“It's not a real rhyme,” he murmured and left the door open, walking towards the glass of wine he abandoned and feeling a little tipsy.

“You drinking wine again? Shouldn't you be drinking the non-red version of it or something? The white one. At least that's what the granny that I deliver to every Sunday told me last time.” The blonde man entered and left the sushi on top of one of the drawers. “She gave me a lecture on raw fish and the mixture of taste or whatever. It all mixes in the stomach.”

“That's why I'm getting the white one.” Hoseok pulled the bottle out and opened it with practiced fingers. “Did you sleep?” he asked while fumbling with a new glass.

“I did, I ditched work in the morning to take pictures with you, remember? Probably not,” Hyungwon murmured and leaned against the wall, watching him carefully. “The question is whether you slept and got all those things you wanted to buy for the studio.”

“I did, and I didn't- wait the other way around, I didn't sleep but I did buy the LEDs I wanted, so that's good.” He poured the clear liquid into his glass and swirled it a couple of times.

“You do seem tired,” the other man's low voice commented as he grabbed the sushi box again and opened it, holding the collection of pieces out for him to take. Without chopsticks.

“Uh, what am I supposed to do with it? Dip my face in it?” He really didn't get what Hyungwon was doing most of the time. “I really can't understand you, all the things that you do, it doesn't make sense,” he murmured and took a big gulp of the supreme wine that kinda mixed with the taste of the previous one, so it didn't really matter in the end.

It was quiet for a few seconds until Hyungwon took his right hand, grabbed a maki with his index finger and thumb and just stuffed it into Hoseok’s mouth, using the short moment during which he had his lips parted.

“Eat it, you're supposed to eat it,” he muttered and licked over his plump lips, tongue piercing gliding over the red, shiny surface.

He couldn't have spat it on his expensive carpet, so he chewed it forcefully before taking the box out of Hyungwon's hands and leaving it on the table.

“That's what people have chopsticks for, you peasant.” He pushed his index finger into the other man's chest. “Do you always eat with your hands? Like a pig?”

“Depends on whether getting chopsticks or a fork is worth the effort. There are countries where people eat with their hands, are they all pigs?” Hyungwon asked and the other man's eyebrow rose in question, like he was teasing him a little. “Your fingers are cute.”

_That asshole._

“They didn't ride a motorcycle which they probably never cleaned properly and stuffed their food into other people's mouths right after. My fingers are not cute, what are you even talking about?” He lifted his hand and looked at his pale fingers. They looked absolutely normal.

“Maybe they also,” Hyungwon began and repeated Hoseok’s action, poking his ridiculously long index finger into his chest, “don't accuse other people of things they have no idea about and instead enjoy how tasty the food is that people worked extra hard for ‘cause of ‘someone's’ ridiculously fancy order”

His eyes widened, and he curled his hand around Hyungwon's wrist.

“I'm not accusing anyone, you act as if I'm the most terrible person out there, but I just say what I think, like that your finger could also be an arm with how long it is. Is it normal?”

There was nothing for a moment as the blonde man stared at him in disbelief before he just cracked up, almost bending in half from laughter and attempting to catch his breath.

“You-" The blonde boy chuckled again and finally straightened his back. “You seem so naive sometimes. My point was that I clean my motorcycle, regularly, but you just assume I don't, for no reason, judging me because of some weird ass convictions you have.”

“They're not weird, you also told me that I roll in money. I don't roll in it, or do you see me rolling in it? I just got sushi that you just stuffed into my mouth. Why are you so weird?” He still kept holding Hyungwon's ridiculously slim wrist, especially compared to his huge hands.

“That was figuratively. I don't accuse you of actually rolling in it, whereas you did accuse me of not cleaning my motorcycle, which happens to be my baby.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes. “Sushi tastes the same, whether you eat it with hands or chopsticks.” He grabbed another piece and held it out, looking at Hoseok with his big, brown eyes.

_What's going on?_

It was weird. Hyungwon was weird. He grabbed a nigiri and held it out in front of the other man's huge mouth. It must've looked ridiculous. He removed his hand from Hyungwon's wrist because the warmth started to tingle against his fingers.

“But- it's your food,” the blonde boy murmured and waited for a few seconds in which Hoseok just watched him before opening his huge mouth and covering Hoseok’s fingers with his plump, red lips.

_Oh god._

“Your lips are huge,” he whispered and ate the maki Hyungwon had been holding in front of his face to stop talking.

Chewing thoroughly, the blonde man grinned a little.

“They sure are,” he replied with his mouth mostly filled and pointed at Hoseok’s lips. “And you chew like a bunny.”

“Shut up,” Hoseok murmured and stuffed a maki into the other man's mouth. He looked like a hamster.

Frowning, Hyungwon attempted to chew a little faster and bridged the time by poking Hoseok’s chest repeatedly with his stick finger.

“Why are you stuffing me with ya food?” he asked eventually and swallowed down the last bits, Adam's apple bobbing visibly. Grasping another piece with the fingers of his other hand, he suddenly smiled brightly and held it out for Hoseok. “Tastes the same, doesn't it?”

“The same as what? Also, you probably didn't eat, because you're stupid. So just eat some. With your hands. Like a pig.” Hoseok gestured with both hands before grabbing Hyungwon's stick finger.

“The same as if you'd ate it with chopsticks, duh. And pigs eat with their mouths, not bothering to grab it.” Chuckling again the tall boy curled his hand around Hoseok’s while he held onto the thin finger, and leaned forward, grin remaining on his lips. “I haven't eaten, but I'm fine. You're the one who ordered out, telling them to put two strips of avocado inside.”

“Why can't you just do things I tell you to do? And stop doing things I didn't tell you to do. You're just weird, what's wrong with two strips of avocado? And why would you be fine while not eating? You'll just die. From malnutrition or from driving without a helmet or from taking drugs and then there will be my naked pictures somewhere in this city and I'll go nuts, so just eat!” Moving his arm a little he couldn't help perceiving how long Hyungwon's fingers were while they curled around his rather muscular arm completely.

“You're adorable,” Hyungwon laughed and stepped a little closer, leaning down the few centimeters until they were on eye level. “What makes you think that you can tell me what to do though? Why would I do what you tell me to do? I'm my own person and I do whatever the fuck I want unless it hurts somebody. Did I hurt you?”

“Yes, you confuse me, so just eat and go away.” He glanced to the side and licked over his lips. The continuous proximity was driving him crazy.

“Do you care about my health, Hoseok? Oh, I'm honored and all that buzz. But it's still your food.” Still smiling, Hyungwon tightened his hold on Hoseok’s hand and just pulled him along to the bedroom, closing the door behind them. “This is my favorite room in this house, also, fun fact, the only room I really know. I don't have much time, so let's eat and then ya sleep, okay?”

“Why- why are you going to my bedroom, I don't eat in my bedroom, it's for other things. Like- like light. It's for light, you're not going to undress again, or will you? Oh god.” Looking to the ceiling, he felt how his face heated up at the memories of the last time they had been in the room, it was way too bright, light enough to feel presented on a plate with his blushing face. He took the remote and turned everything off apart from one blue LED in the middle, covering them in almost absolute darkness.

“W- what?” the blonde boy murmured, visibly freezing in place at the sudden darkness and attempting to look into his direction. “Do you...want me to?” Hyungwon's low voice turned into a whisper, as if it was impossible to speak normally in the dark. He seemed lost with how his right hand sunk into the pocket of his jeans and the other curled around his slim waist. The other man's eyes were big and unfocused, jumping from one spot in the dark to the next.

_He looks so vulnerable._

“Why would I make you undress? It's just- you just did it the last two times you were here, so I thought-” Hoseok got stuck with his words because Hyungwon's face looked so different in the dark. “I'm not some weird person that makes other people take off their clothes. But I can show you something if you like. You don't need to undress for that. At least not for me,” he suggested while keeping his voice low.

“Okay,” Hyungwon whispered quietly and curled his arm further around his own waist, teeth settling on his lower lip. It looked a little painful.

He curled his hand around the other man's slim wrist and pulled him to the middle, positioning him under the blue light before turning it off completely.

“I really like the darkness as the absolute absence of light, because you can only see the impact of light if there's darkness before. You can do what you like, and I'll play a little, if it's okay?” He wanted to remove his hand but Hyungwon buried his fingers into it.

The other man didn't reply and merely nodded. Still he didn't let go of Hoseok’s hand, holding it tightly while the frequency of his exhales increased.

“Are you okay?” Hoseok tried to peel off Hyungwon’s fingers but they were holding onto his arm as if the blonde boy was scared for dear life. “I won't do anything weird. You don't need to do it, I'm just- it's strange to be here without doing anything related to light.”

“Yeah, just- just go ahead,” the younger man muttered and finally let go, burying his hands in the skin of his waist instead, curling both arms around himself.

_He's uncomfortable, isn't he?_

He adjusted the position of the red LEDs, illuminating Hyungwon's body before turning everything black again. Adjusting a little more, he did the same with the white and the combination of ultraviolet and white. It would've been way more impressive if the other man had have been naked.

_Stop it, Hoseok._

“What- what do you want me to do, Hoseok?” the low voice asked, sounding so much like Hoseok did himself when he had undressed for him the last time.

“Why do you sound nervous? Do you feel less nervous when you're naked? This doesn't make sense,” he murmured and turned on the yellowish light, dimming it until it was barely there.

It was sudden as Hyungwon inhaled sharply and closed his eyes. The change was instant, body relaxing and tension that had been present for the past minutes dissipating into thin air.

“Yes,” he whispered and pulled his t-shirt over his head, throwing it to the side while still keeping his eyes closed. Hoseok couldn't tell what calmed the blonde man more, the fact that he had his eyes shut or the familiar action of undressing. Unbuttoning his jeans,  Hyungwon slipped them down his long legs and uncovered the ink stained golden skin, reflecting a bit of the barely present yellow light.

The blonde boy didn't hesitate for long before he let his underwear join the heap at the side, exhaling softly and relaxing his muscles much like the first time.

_He is different, isn't he? Different from what you know._

“But why?” he whispered and changed the light to a whiter one, reflecting on the other man's skin.

“Because with my eyes closed it's me who decides for it to be dark. It's me who uses the moment to express something,” Hyungwon whispered before kneeling on the ground and placing his palms flat to the cold wooden floors, head resting on top of them. There was something vulnerable to the way he did it, almost as if he was afraid of something, making his slim body appear even more breakable.

_He probably wants pictures. He needs pictures of this._

He pulled the cam from under the blanket, not bothering to hide the fact that he kept looking at Hyungwon's pictures. He took a few shots. The way the other man's back looked in the dimmed light was mesmerizing. He was very thin, it looked so vulnerable.

“It- it looks gorgeous,” he whispered.

“I'm glad,” Hyungwon replied and remained perfectly still, thighs tensed and showing definite lines that were partially covered by black ink.

It was strange, but he came closer, looking at the shadows over Hyungwon's ribs and the tiny dips in his spine. Hoseok really wanted to touch the smooth skin, to combine the sight with a perception.

“How can you just take your clothes off, just like this, in front of a person you don't know? Don't you feel vulnerable about it? It's not even as if we trust each other or anything, but you can just do it.”

“It's just a naked body, you can't hurt me by seeing it, Hoseok.” Only the sound of breathing echoed around them as Hyungwon lifted his head a little bit. His eyes remained closed, but he lifted his palms from the ground, intertwining his long fingers. “But you can hurt me with words.”

_You did hurt him with words._

“I feel strange if I have to undress in front of someone I don't know. I can't really hide my facial expressions and the way that I react, so I feel like I'm presented on a plate for everybody to see, and then they could use the knowledge to hurt me. With words or without. I'm-" Hoseok wanted to say that he was sorry. But he couldn't.

_Why can't you just say that you're sorry, Hoseok?_

“Did I hurt you with words, Hyungwon?” he asked and put the camera aside, adjusting the lighting so that there was more contrast between light and shadow.

“You did,” Hyungwon whispered and pulled his upper body upwards so that he sat on his calves with his hands remaining motionless in his lap. The blonde man was still not looking at him, eyes shut. “That's why I keep waiting for you to say the next thing, to point out how I am lazy and not worth all those good things in life.”

“But- I don't really think that, at least not always, sometimes I feel strange and think it's because of you, I'm-" He attempted to apologize but exhaled sharply and pushed the middle button on his remote to turn everything black. It was so much easier to say or do something if there was no light to emphasize what he meant.

Crawling forward, he concentrated on the barely visible silhouette of the blonde boy's slim body as he sat down next to him and lifted his hand. Stretching out his fingers, he let them touch the soft skin of the other man's shoulder, remaining there.

“What do you mean by feeling strange?” Hyungwon asked and remained still, only briefly jerking at the sudden contact.

“Don't know- it just feels weird, uncommon, something I don't know? I still can't believe that you were really hurt by something that I said. Don't you need to care first? About the person who says it?” Hyungwon's skin felt nice and he let his hand slide down his arm.

“I-" Hyungwon gasped at the continued contact but remained in place, skin keeping it's gorgeous golden color despite the mostly dark room. The moon shone through the window, so it was more than sufficient for him. He had incredible eyesight, especially in the dark. “I showed you so much, told you so much, so- it's not like I'm your friend or anything, I'm not stupid- but it was enough to be hurt when you called me lazy and only good at undressing. I had hoped that we shared something, a common interest, a fascination for light, but you just called it ‘good at undressing’, like a slut.”

_What? Did he really think that?_

_But you also asked Tae whether he does it all the time._

“We do. We do share a fascination for light, I'm actually happy that I have someone I can talk to about this, it's just- everything around it is weird, don't you think it's weird? Don't you think being naked next to me is weird?” he asked and turned, curling his arms around Hyungwon's naked waist. “Don't you think this is weird?”

“I...I don't think that being naked next to you is weird,” the blonde man replied and slowly slid his long fingers over his naked thighs and on top of Hoseok’s arms, travelling further to his biceps and holding on. “This- it just feels a little surreal, intense, maybe even emotional. I'm not very good with words either.”

The other man's long fingers were cool against his skin, as if he was cold.

“Why do you keep your eyes closed?”

“It's easier, I can tell myself that I just decided not to look, focusing on my body and the way it feels.” The slim body in his arms shifted a little and rose until he could feel the weight of the blonde man's head on his shoulder.

“But you had your eyes open before, furthermore, it's dark and you probably can't see as much as me, so you should be fine,” he whispered and moved his palms over Hyungwon's really nicely curved waist.

“It's not about the situation, I don't mind it, it's- I guess I feel uncomfortable when I can't see.” The young boy sighed and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck slowly, long fingers walking up his biceps and shoulders and finally connecting at his nape.

He hissed at how intense it felt to hug in the darkness, he was very happy that he wasn't naked.

_At least one accomplishment. Since when do you consider not being embarrassing an accomplishment?_

“I love the darkness. It's beautiful, you should take a look,” he muttered and shuddered at the hot breath that hit the skin of his shoulder.

“Okay,” the other man whispered but it sounded hesitant, only supported further with how the slim arms tightened around his neck, as if Hyungwon wished to attach himself. “But it's just pitch black for me.”

“Still, try to take a look, you might be able to see micro movements, you look really- special in the darkness.”

“But I won't see myself,” was the reply as Hyungwon's long fingers slowly moved upwards and sank into the strands of his hair. “I can only feel in the dark, not see.”

“It's- it's not the same, because you can see the darkness and you can hear it in addition to feeling. Is that the reason why you're feeling me? I mean, my hair, “ He sucked in air and kept it in his lungs, curling his arms tighter around the other man's waist.

“I do that because I want to,” Hyungwon replied and pulled himself closer, his naked thigh brushing along Hoseok’s clothed one as he exhaled sharply against the skin of his neck.

_What are you doing? Why?_

“You want it? What do you want? To feel my hair? But there's no light. And you weren't interested in my hair before, only in my muscles.” He felt nervousness crawl up out of nowhere and heat up his face in addition to ruining the smooth movements of his hands, making them shaky.

“Yes, Hoseok. I want to stay like this and feel your hair and press our bodies together, okay?” Hyungwon suddenly muttered and removed one hand from his hair to push him back, forcing him to sit on his calves. Using the moment, Hyungwon held onto his shoulders and crawled on top of him, thighs landing on each side of his own and lean arms circling his neck again, holding on tightly. A gasp left the plump, red lips at the contact.

_Oh god._

“This- you- what are you doing?” He was absolutely overwhelmed but held Hyungwon in place with both arms. It was strange to touch naked skin like this, in this situation, with this person. It seemed weird even though deep inside he felt that he hadn't been doing anything bad. “You're strange. But I might be strange too.”

“You're fucking strange,” Hyungwon murmured and tightened his naked thighs around his body while burying his face in the crook of his neck. One hand was playing with the black strands of his hair, tugging them lightly.

He didn't know what to do and he didn't know what to say either. Rationally speaking he should've pushed the other man away, let him dress and go back to work, but he must've been irrational, taking the remote and covering them both in very faint blood red, barely disrupting the dark before turning it off again.

Hyungwon inhaled deeply, small nose still buried in the crook of his neck and tilted his head with the grip of his fingers.

“It's not close enough,” he murmured and let his hands slip under the collar of Hoseok’s shirt, just a little bit, stroking along his back.

“This is hard.” He didn't want to move, he wanted to stay in the same position before something clicked and he moved his hand hesitantly, stroking over the other man's smooth, naked back. It felt crazy. Like taking drugs.

Hyungwon hissed and pushed his lower body further into him, naked skin flush against his clothed chest. They were so close.

The loud sound of a phone ringing broke the silence, echoing through the room with a melody that seemed vaguely familiar, probably something that had been on the radio.

_It's not yours._

He really didn't want to say anything, so he curled his arms tighter around the other man's naked body, pulling him further into the embrace and resting his cheek against his naked skin. He smelled like a mixture of something sweet, gasoline and sushi.

“It's- it's probably work,” Hyungwon murmured and loosened his grip around Hoseok’s neck. The other man lifted his head and opened his eyes, visibly struggling to see in the dark and body tensing up.

“Do you have to go?” he asked but made no attempts to let Hyungwon go.

“I was just supposed to deliver the food, Hoseok. Not- whatever this is,” the blonde boy murmured and stroked along Hoseok’s naked upper arms. The other barely weighed anything, feeling pleasant on his thighs.

_What is this? It's not about light. There is no light, Hoseok._

He panicked and turned on the single blue light, covering them in a faint color and making his skin seem even paler in comparison to Hyungwon's golden skin tone.

Lifting his head, Hoseok met the other man's intense gaze, sending shivers through his body. He had no idea what it was, because he had never experienced anything similar.

“Was it me? Did I make you stay? I can't remember,” he whispered and bit down on his bottom lip, feeling how his fingertips buried into Hyungwon's naked skin.

“No, I pulled you to the bedroom, it's fine,” Hyungwon commented, voice a little louder than it had been in the dark and big eyes blinking repeatedly to adjust to the brightness.

The phone that had been playing a familiar melody without a break, suddenly stopped, returning the silence.

“Fuck,” Hyungwon cursed and sucked his lip piercing into his mouth, lifting up on Hoseok’s lap slightly without climbing off. “Now they'll think I'm dead and will fire me, fuck.”

_What the hell are you doing, Hoseok?_

He immediately stood up and took Hyungwon's body along, stabilizing him by holding onto his thin waist.

“You- you can say that I was complaining for a long time, they know me, they will believe you,” he murmured in panic and stared at the other man's scared face.

“That's a lie though, basically it's my fault, I even ate part of your food, fuck my life.” Groaning loudly, Hyungwon removed Hoseok’s hands from his waist and walked to the heap of clothes he had created previously. Bending over, he grabbed his pants and pulled his phone from the back pocket, holding it to his ear while only slowly returning his body to a straight position. Hoseok could see everything, really everything.

_Holy shit._

He inhaled as if he hadn't breathed for years and choked on his spit, coughing like crazy and bending in half. Grabbing the remote, he turned off the lights to be able to get a grip.

“W- what, Hoseok, why did you turn the light off?” he heard the blonde boy mutter as he froze in place, not saying anything else, not even when a male voice began speaking in Czech from his phone. It sounded a lot like various curses.

Hyungwon's eyes were wide open and he didn't move, like paralyzed while staring at nothing in particular. He probably couldn't see at all.

_It's his work. He's getting scolded because you kept him here._

Closing the distance, Hoseok took Hyungwon's phone and held it against his ear. After the rain of curses had ended, he cleared his throat.

“Hello, this is Mr. Lee, the customer speaking. The prepared meal was not to my liking, so I had to explain to your delivery person how I want to have it next time, so he can make sure to do it right. Considering the amount of money I spend on your food I deserve a properly prepared meal. Furthermore, I considered booking your catering for my next office meeting and almost chose someone else, but your delivery employee listened to my concerns and apologized just like he should have, so please anticipate my order soon. Have a nice evening.” He hung up and placed the phone back into the other man's shivering hand.

“You're cold, get dressed,” he murmured.

“It's- it's dark,” Hyungwon whispered and it almost looked as if he hadn't listened, hands curling around the phone tightly without any further words.

“Yes, because you- you can't just- just bend over like that, what were you even thinking?” Hoseok turned to the side and looked in the direction of his bed. “Can't you see? I mean- it's rather dark but I know where you stand and what you do because the tiny amount of light is enough to see shadows and reflection.” He held out his pale hand in front of Hyungwon's face and turned it. It reflected quite a bit, so he saw it pretty well.

“I can't see anything, Hoseok. Where the fuck are you? Fuck,” the other man cursed and dropped his phone to the ground, arms curling around himself tightly. It looked so vulnerable, the way his eyes were wide but not focused on anything and how his posture made him appear smaller despite his height.

_He really can't see? Why?_

Stepping closer, he put his hand on Hyungwon's shoulder, making the other man jerk.

“I was right in front of you. But I don't understand why you can't see.”

Hyungwon just shook his head and curled his fingers around Hoseok’s biceps, almost burying the blunt nails in his skin with the force he applied.

“Are you- are you okay?” Hoseok whispered, stepping closer, so that their bodies were only a couple of centimetres apart.

The blonde boy nodded but it didn't seem believable, he just held onto Hoseok’s arm and inhaled and exhaled rapidly.

_Is he scared? But why?_

“Do you want me to turn on the light, Hyungwon?” he asked and curled one arm around his stiff body.

Again Hyungwon nodded, still not letting go of his arm and pushing himself flat against his chest, breaths remaining irregular. He was so close, almost attached with how he tried to be as close as possible.

He pulled out the remote he had put into his pocket and turned on the faint red light, illuminating them sufficiently for Hyungwon to see, but not bright enough to make him uncomfortable.

“Is it okay like this? You can put your clothes back on, you're freezing,” he said and put his palm on the other men's back. Hyungwon was really cold.

“I told ya before, my limbs give up on circulation quickly,” the tall man replied with a smile and pulled away, grabbing his clothes off the ground and quickly slipping into them. It was like he turned into a different person, nonchalance and playful behavior returning like it had never been gone in the first place.

“I can't believe you just went all snob on him, I'm not sure if I'm happy that you saved my ass or disturbed by the fact you were able to pull that shit out of nowhere, wow,” Hyungwon added once he was fully dressed.

“Listen, it's the truth, they should satisfy their customers, I don't pay money for nothing,” he murmured and opened the door to the bedroom, stepping outside.

“Yeah? What else should I have done to satisfy your requests? Was undressing not enough?” Hyungwon asked with a grin as he followed him to the hallway, slipping into a new pair of sneakers. It was a little strange to see the other man wear a pair of shoes that didn't look like they had expired a long time ago.

“I didn't request for you to be naked! I would never do that!” he exclaimed with his mouth open. He couldn't believe that the other man would do him dirty like this.

“That was a joke, Hoseok. I undressed myself. You only turned off the light.” Still grinning, the tall boy brushed through his blonde hair and looked around, probably making sure he had everything. “I'll pick up the pictures later.”

_The pictures._

“Oh, just- yeah, just write me, so I know when you'll come.” He brought the blonde boy to the door and exhaled sharply after closing it.

_What did you do?_

They didn't do anything major, they just hugged, but it felt different somehow, as if their meetings gained intensity with every time they were together.

_It should stop at some point._

_You should._

***

 

Hyungwon was being an idiot, more so than usual. It wasn't even about skills such as math, he had never been good at that, not now and not back then. Luckily, world peace didn't depend on his math skills and he was able to focus on actual things he was good at.

_Like sculpting._

He was sitting in the middle of the dorm room he had borrowed from his friend, preparing the block of marble he had bought from a black market seller because he was piss poor. His mother probably wouldn't have approved, but at the same time she was rather cool and knew that money mattered.

_You couldn't afford to buy it legally._

Of course, he could have used a different material, attempted to express shame through clay or gypsum. But it seemed like a poor excuse, like he allowed himself mistakes that could be corrected.

_You need to make the statue in marble, everything else wouldn't do it justice._

Marble was precious and the most expensive, but he had to pull it off this time.

_And not ruin it._

His week had been a mess, starting out with his boss praising him for handling a situation well, even though he had only undressed and hugged said customer in terror, scared without light.

_You're too old for this, for fuck’s sake._

He shouldn't have been scared but he was, he always was. Hyungwon couldn't remember since when it was the case, since when he panicked whenever he was surrounded by impenetrable blackness. Minimal light had never been enough, even if it was for other people. It needed to be bright for him to see, to be able to identify what he created and to make it better.

_You're like a child in the dark, scared and helpless._

He was an idiot because he had been scared enough to forget his phone like an idiot, dropping it to the ground and not picking it up again. It was particularly ingenious because he wasn't able to do shit without his phone, neither work properly because he got most of the deliveries via phone, nor coordinate how to get his phone back.

_You can't just pop by out of nowhere, at least not in the middle of the night._

Unfortunately, at night was the only time he had the resources and the possibility to see the other man. Hyungwon just worked too much, not only to see his friends but also too much to practice his art.

_The exhibition is in a few weeks, you need to be done by then._

It was pressuring, and he would have to take a few days off and do nothing but work on the sculpture to finish it in time, even if he kept it small.

_You'll have to go to him in the evening, there is no other choice._

 

_

 

He had spent most of the week with work as usual and the nights with his sculpture, making his way through the material. The beginning was the posture of the muscular legs, it was easier to start small. The color was perfect for Hoseok’s skin and Hyungwon couldn't wait for it to be finished, feeling excited about the way he slowly turned an emotionless chunk of marble into the expression of shame.

He had spent the day at the jeans shop, selling tight styles to people that wished to show more of their ass, asking him for advice while silently judging his piercings and tattoos. Hyungwon didn't care much, it had been his decision to get them and he didn't regret it, not even a second. All of it was part of his body, part of who he was and if it wasn't to somebody's liking he couldn't care less.

_Like Hoseok, Hoseok judged it just as much._

Hyungwon sighed and parked his motorcycle on the side, climbing off in a smooth motion and walking over to the black-haired man's house. He hoped that he would be able to get his phone back and that Hoseok was home and not asleep shortly before midnight. Pressing the bell, he brushed through his hair and hoped it looked acceptable.

_Not that he'll find something new to judge._

The door opened after quite some time and Hoseok's nonchalant face appeared in the door crack. It didn't take long for his expression to turn into pure horror.

His mouth opened but no sound came out. Hyungwon felt the wish to push a finger between his lips to see them close, but it was a little too much with how out of it the other man seemed.

“Is there something on my face?” he asked with a grin, a little amused that Hoseok would be this terrified. It wasn't the first time he’d popped up unannounced after all. There was something adorable to how big the black-haired man's eyes could get, perfectly round and dark.

“You- why are you here?” Hoseok hissed, leaning in closely. He was wearing a black thin robe that might have just as well been transparent. He wore just the robe. Nothing else.

_He's naked. Fucking naked in a robe._

He swallowed, a little overwhelmed by the fact that Hoseok was wearing unusually little considering that his pyjamas had also not been the most discreet way of showing that he had a big dick.

“Ya got something that belongs to me, and I wanted the pictures,” he replied and raised an eyebrow, staring Hoseok up and down. “Am I… interrupting something?”

“Oh god, I- what do I have? Why didn't you write me? Gosh, I have a visitor, this is really bad,” Hoseok whispered and leaned further out of the door, probably trying not to make too much noise. After the muscular man leaned forward, Hyungwon could see parts of thin, dark-red lines covering his shoulders and continuing along his chest.

_Holy shit._

“Those look crazy, what the fuck?” he muttered and reached out, pulling the thin robe a little to the side to see the scratches better. It was definitely done by nails, no doubt. “You have my phone, how was I supposed to write?”

“I don't have your phone, why would I have your phone? It's- it's fine, I- we- I really have a visitor, I can't be undressing now,” the other man barely whispered while leaning into his personal space until he felt his breaths against his skin while Hoseok's eyes remained big and round.

_And any other time he would have undressed?_

Hyungwon lifted an eyebrow and took another look at the scratches, they were fresh and looked really painful.

“I forgot my phone at your place, so you do have it,” he replied calmly and couldn't help the shiver at the way Hoseok’s breaths felt against his skin. He had come for his phone and not to see the black-haired man ripped apart by a fucking cat. “You can undress some other time.”

“Where? Where did you leave it? I have a minute to give it to you,” Hoseok said and curled his fingers around his wrist, shaking him. Hyungwon almost burst out laughing at the way the other man was panicking, but the way his body was moved through space made it difficult.

“Why a minute? Will your guest disappear for a minute, like poof?” he asked and laughed, stepping into the apartment and walking towards the bedroom. He remembered dropping it in the dark, unable to focus with how scared he had been. The room was dimly lit, lights beautifully focused on the bed. Hyungwon didn't really need long to figure out why with how crumpled up the sheets were. A scented candle was lit at the side, smelling like a mixture of peach and vanilla.

_Covering up the smell of sex probably._

Hoseok ran after him, steps echoing before the other man grabbed his shoulder and turned him around. Leaning close, he breathed against his face repeatedly.

“What are you doing? He won't disappear, he's showering, and I don't hear the water, can't I just give you the phone some other time? Shit,” the other man hissed and turned towards the entrance, listening to the noises.

_He's losing his shit just because you came and he's not alone._

“Then he can be a good boy and help me look for my phone,” Hyungwon replied and kneeled on the ground, checking the floor for signs of his phone. He really hoped that he wouldn't find anything else.

“No, he can't, Hyungwon. Why are you like this? I will give it to you, everything you want, just not now, okay?” Hoseok wanted to kneel too but probably remembered what the fuck he was wearing and grabbed him below his arms instead.

Pulling him up, Hoseok pressed him against his basically naked body. “Later, okay? Later, just go home for now.” He let go and pushed him a little towards the door.

“You don't get it, Hoseok, I can't work, I can't contact my friends, I can't do shit. I'm like a fucking prisoner with shut windows, I punch them but I'm a fucking stick and nothing happens. I fucking need it.” He was remembering the past few days and couldn't help the feeling of anger at not having the device for all that time. Kihyun probably thought he was dead.

Suddenly, Hoseok turned towards him with an expression of pure horror and pulled him towards the wardrobe, opening the door and pushing him into the other man's ironed shirts.

“Stay put, please, fucking please,” he whispered and closed it.

_Did he just- put you into his wardrobe?_

Hyungwon blinked, unsure what the fuck was happening until the door closed with a final sound and he was met with darkness, only the fabric touching his arms and cheeks reminding him that he was in a wardrobe.

_Don't panic._

He inhaled slowly and kept the air in his lungs for a bit to not hyperventilate while focusing on the thin line of light that entered through the two doors. That was good, it wasn't pitch black, there was a bit of light he could concentrate on.

There was shuffling and steps before the bedroom door opened and someone walked in.

_He is hiding you away in a fucking wardrobe, first the bedroom and now the wardrobe. What the hell, Hyungwon?_

“Are you talking to yourself now too? I think you're taking the thing with your lightbulbs way too seriously. Your shower is fancy though. Either way, don't try to make me stay, I have to get up early.” The voice belonged to Hoseok's boyfriend and Hyungwon couldn't help the urge to sigh in annoyance. The guy was a dick, at least based on what Hyungwon knew by now and he _hated_ judging by the first impression.

_He's definitely cheating, otherwise he wouldn't have panicked at the knowledge that you know Hoseok. Bitch._

“No, it's fine, I’m actually really tired, so I'll go to bed.” There was shuffling, and the bed made noises while one of them probably sat on it.

“I really like your stamina, makes it so much more fun, I'll call you,” the poor excuse for a boyfriend said and Hyungwon heard someone leave.

_That was fast, not even a kiss or something?_

“See you soon,” Hoseok murmured from the direction of the bed before there were steps and the metal door closed with a rather loud sound, echoing through the rest of the apartment.

_Dramatic._

His response was fast as he pushed against the door of the wardrobe and stepped into the light, still in disbelief that the black-haired man had just pushed him into his fucking wardrobe to hide him from his boyfriend.

He forgot about the anger for a second, taking in the sight of Hoseok's completely naked body, illuminated by the perfect arrangement of lights on the bed. The other man was in the middle of a movement but froze in place instead, staring at him with huge eyes.

_Well fuck._

“Fuck,” he muttered out loud and let his eyes wander over the way Hoseok’s arm muscles tensed to grab the edge of the bed, followed by the defined abs and thick muscular thighs. The black-haired man had a gorgeous dick, darker at the tip. Hyungwon wanted to know what it looked like hard, whether it had the same color pattern, and at which angle it stood. Maybe also how it felt in his hand, but only for the sake of art of course.

_Nice try._

This wasn't really about art anymore because Hyungwon might have wanted to draw the sight but not for sculpting, rather for entirely different reasons.

“Holy shit, Hoseok.”

The staring continued for a few more seconds before the muscular man grabbed his blanket and threw it over his body, covering the area between his legs.

“I wanted to wear the robe before opening the door but- but you just came out- that wasn't intended,” he murmured, obviously still shocked. “Can you- like- give me the robe? Then I can stand up.” Hoseok pointed at the floor next to his feet.

“I don't mind seeing you naked, you're hot,” Hyungwon blurted out and grinned right after to make it seem like he had intended it. There was a big difference between teasing and thinking it's funny and teasing while wishing for it to have an effect. He had enjoyed talking about light and bodily expression with Hoseok, but crossing the line meant not going back and he didn't want that.

_He has a boyfriend, you idiot, he wouldn't do anything even if you wanted him to._

“Yes, very funny,” Hoseok commented while rolling his eyes and wrapped the blanket around his body before standing up and taking a thicker bathrobe from the hook on his door. He pulled it over his arms and dropped the blanket quickly.

“Isn't that too much effort for something I've already seen?” Hyungwon asked with a chuckle and grabbed the blanket before throwing it on the bed. Although Hoseok’s current bathrobe was thicker, he could still see the bloody red lines on his chest. It looked extreme on his pale skin. “You should really do something about those scratches though, there's blood.”

“Seeing it once doesn't mean anything. They will be okay, they always are.” The other man looked to the side before glancing over to him.

“Sorry for the wardrobe though.”

“That was indeed a little fucked up,” Hyungwon replied with a shrug and made his way to the kitchen, looking through all the shelves until he finally found what he was looking for, a small medical kit. Sure, it wasn't any of his business whether Hoseok was into getting all scratched up by his boyfriend, but even in bondage people knew how to take care of themselves. Aftercare was a general thing, not just something after fucking someone in the ass.

Also, he wanted to see Hoseok’s chest again, with a valid reason.

“Come’ere, I'll fix ya up.”

“What? What are you going to fix up? There's nothing to fix up!” Hoseok looked suspicious of him, narrowing his gaze and crossing his arms in front of his chest. It was adorable.

“I see you're already feeling at home here.”

Scratch the adorable, he was a dick.

“I'm just trying to fix what that viscous cat of a boyfriend left on your chest. Scratches are fine, bleeding not so much. That shit can get infected, trust me, it's no fun.” Hyungwon brushed through his hair and pulled disinfectant out of the kit in addition to antiseptic cream. He would have been lying had he said that putting cream onto Hoseok’s chest wasn't a pleasant thought. “Come here.”

_It's easier when he's a snobby dick though._

The other man looked shocked and rather unprepared, but still closed the distance and looked at him in question, letting both arms fall to the side.

“But why do you care about that?”

Hyungwon thought about that, because really- he didn't have a proper reason to care. The black-haired man was a beautiful model and showed him something vulnerable, but was it really enough to care like that? Maybe it was.

“You showed me something special,” he replied quietly and reached out to pull the bathrobe to the side, letting his fingers travel over the exposed skin and along the scratches. They looked painful.

Hoseok hissed quietly but bit on his lip.

“I showed you something special? Me naked on a bed? I don't think that's special for you, you are naked all the time and see other people naked too. Like Tae,” the other man murmured and glanced to the ceiling.

“That's not what I mean.” He exhaled slowly and focused on the way the other man's skin felt under his fingertips. It was really pale and smooth, like Hoseok naturally didn't have much hair. “I meant back then, when you undressed to show me. It was special for you and I could see. I still think about that a lot.”

There was nothing for a few seconds, before he felt Hoseok's gaze on his face.

“You do? Why? Because of the end product you wanted to create? I also look at your pictures, because the light compliments you well, I also thought about another way of creating the shadows I wanted.”

_It's not just the end product, it was too intimate for that._

“You want to photograph me again?” he asked instead of answering the question, hand remaining on the older man's chest despite the knowledge that he was supposed to do something about the scratches and not touch him repeatedly.

Hoseok hummed, looking in thought and chewed on his bottom lip.

“That- it's not that it feels bad or anything, but I don't think that I have scratches there,” he suddenly muttered and pointed at the spot next to his hard nipple.

_Fucking smooth._

Hyungwon wanted to facepalm because he hadn't even sprayed disinfectant on, just rubbing over the black-haired man's chest like an idiot.

He coughed to bridge the awkward pause and curled his fingers around the bottle of disinfectant, spraying some on his chest and hoping that it didn't burn to much. Finishing up, he smeared some antiseptic cream on his hands and returned his fingers to the other man's muscular chest, applying it to the scratches only. He couldn't help wondering if Hoseok was cold, had generally hard nipples or reacted to him.

_Just hope he generally has hard nipples._

“This is weird,” the black-haired man whispered and took the cream, examining the ingredients for no reason. It was cute somehow.

“Why? You usually don't take care of it?”

“I don’t, and this situation is weird. Didn't you want your phone?” Hoseok asked while chewing on his lips and wrapping the thick robe further around his hips.

_Your phone, Hyungwon, that's what you came for._

“I do, but now I can't stop thinking about the fact that you want to photograph me again and what I could express and how your chest looks like your boyfriend is an alley cat,” he muttered and focused on the issue at hand, namely red lines on Hoseok’s chest. They would heal up but it still looked crazy, especially since they weren't on the back this time. “Did he scratch you while riding you or what?”

“What? No! I- I lifted him in the air- why- would you ask stuff like that?” The other man's eyes widened comically and Hyungwon could see his pale cheeks turning pinkish.

_He what?_

Hyungwon couldn't help the way his eyes adjusted to the ridiculous size of the other man's. How the hell did the other man manage to fuck his poor excuse of a boyfriend in the air? The guy wasn't a stick and rather built. Sure, it was possible, but it was straining, especially when one's chest was being skinned in the process. Holy fuck.

“Well- last time it was your back, I just thought that it's weird that your chest is the abused part this time,” he replied and brushed through his hair, accidentally smearing some of the antiseptic cream into it. Like an idiot.

He really had to get his hands off the older man and get his thoughts straight, return them to art or whatever.

_Just think about the sculpture, this is your motive._

“Aren't you too young to think about stuff like that? When I was your age I was studying like crazy.” Hoseok threw him a judgmental look while blushing like a champion.

_Fucker._

“Listen up, just because ya were the epitome of abstinence doesn't mean everyone else has to be. I have my fair share of fucking and twenty is the perfect age to fuck for peace, so shut the fuck up,” he hissed and simply ignored the fact that he hadn't gotten laid in ages, too busy with work. There had been a few candidates at the bar, but he just finished his shift too late for people to bother waiting. In addition, it was too much of a hassle to show guys what he liked.

“Wow, you must be so proud of yourself,” Hoseok murmured and wrapped the robe around his body, so that he didn't have access to his chest anymore.

_Is he slut shaming you? Really?_

Hyungwon really wanted to tell him that his boyfriend was a fucking bitch for cheating on him like that, but he barely contained the words. Instead he bit down on his lower lip and sucked the sweet, candle infused air into his nose.

“Let's go find your phone before you smear more cream into your hair, you sexually experienced pseudo adult.”

He wanted to punch him, so fucking bad, hands shaking at his sides as he took a deep breath.

“Did you consider yourself a child at my age?” he asked instead, thinking of his mother telling him that people had something nice in them and just didn't know better sometimes.

“What? No. I was studying and working part time at my uncle's architecture office. I was paying taxes, so I was definitely an adult. Why would you think that you're an adult? Because you had sex? Wow, congratulations on this achievement.” The fucker showed him a thumbs up with a nasty smirk on his face.

Hyungwon's blood boiled over and he pushed the other man into the kitchen counter, leaning into his personal space.

“Listen the fuck up, you poor excuse for a decent human being,” he hissed and grabbed the collar of the bathrobe, pulling it towards himself. “I pay taxes, I work my ass off and I've been taking care of my own shit since I was 16, so stop pretending like you were hardworking and I didn't do shit. I didn't eat for weeks because we were piss poor sometimes while you worked for your uncle thinking you had it hard, asshole.” He was shaking from the effort of not letting Hoseok’s jaw make contact with his fist.

_He'd probably just confirm for himself that you are delinquent, unable to solve problems with words._

The other man stared at him while curling his fingers around his wrist and pressing down so forcefully that he had to let go.

“I- I don't think I really meant that,” Hoseok whispered, biting down on his lip and jumping from his eyes to his lips in succession.

“Then why the fuck would you say it?” Hyungwon groaned and pulled the black-haired man closer, staring at his nervous gestures and especially at his curved mouth, lower lip trembling slightly. Hoseok couldn't just say whatever and expect it to have no consequences just because he hadn't really ‘meant’ it. “It doesn't fucking disappear just because ya didn't mean it.”

“Then stop confusing me for god's sake, just be yourself and stop doing and saying all those unnecessary things, I don't know how to react to that! I don't know what you want, what do you want? Why are you like this? Just- don't do it!” Hoseok spoke fast and his mouth moved with every word, making the lisp the other man had even more obvious with how nervous he seemed.

_But why would he be so nervous?_

“I am being myself! You don't even really know me, how the fuck would you know if I'm being myself or not?” he asked back and grabbed Hoseok’s wrist instead of his collar, unwilling to let himself be pushed away. “I want-"

_What do you want?_

“I don't want anything, I have no idea what you are so angry about. I want pictures, I want to see more of that light. I- I want my fucking phone,” he forced out eventually, keeping his fingers around the other man's pale wrist.

“That's what you want?” Hoseok asked and stared into his eyes before glancing down to his hand around the other man's pale wrist. Curling his own fingers around it, he made Hyungwon let go and leaned in.

“Then stop creating confusion by hugging me naked and all those other things.” Hoseok slipped past him and walked towards his bedroom.

_You're confusing him?_

Well fuck, Hoseok had a point this time. Hugging naked wasn't part of sculpting and he had never done it before, no matter how emotional a position had been.

_You just hugged him and he hugged back. It was a thing of the moment, wasn't it?_

“I got emotional,” he murmured while following the other man. “It was nice hugging you.” He sounded like a kid which he hated the most, but he also disliked leaving a discussion in the air, without any solution.

“Do I make you emotional? Because it seems to happen a lot,” Hoseok murmured and slipped into his underwear just when he walked through the door. The pajama pants followed, and the other man took off his robe, throwing his pyjamas top over his upper body. Hoseok tried to button up, but kinda struggled.

It seemed so helpless that Hyungwon couldn't resist, crossing the distance and carefully removing the other man's hands from his pyjamas shirt. He curled his fingers around the remaining buttons and easily pulled them through the respective loops.

“Maybe you do,” he replied quietly and tried not to focus too much on how smooth Hoseok’s collarbone felt against the tip of his ring finger. He was being way too detailed about this, something that came along with sculpting naked, male bodies.

“You- didn't you listen to what I said? I-" Hoseok lifted his hands but let them fall to the side again, glancing towards the bed.

Hyungwon almost convulsed in shock when the black-haired man suddenly exclaimed “Oh my god, it's under the bed!”, slipped under his arms like a snake and crawled under the bed, showing him his perfectly shaped, muscular butt in all its glory.

Hyungwon just slapped it, for the hell of it. It felt just as nice as it looked, perfectly firm and he could remember the way beautiful hollows appeared at the sides when the black-haired man contracted it. After finishing the muscular legs, it was going to be the next part he was going to work on.

“What the-?” Hoseok groaned and stood up, holding his phone in his right hand. There was irritation until it fluently transitioned into something else. “Well, guess who's going home without his phone today?” The muscular man put his right hand behind his back and smirked.

He must have been fucking kidding him.

Hyungwon lifted one corner of his mouth in a teasing grin and moved forward in a rough motion, pushing Hoseok on top of the bed. Making sure the black-haired man couldn't move his legs much with how the edge of the bed was right at his knee pits, he climbed on top, sitting down on his lap and leaning down.

“Gimme my phone.”

Hoseok shook his head furiously and pushed his hand that was holding the phone under his butt. Placing the other flat against his chest in an attempt to keep him off, the other man grinned.

“You can't just do things and think it's okay, it doesn't _fucking_ disappear.” The black-haired man had the audacity to mimic him. It seemed a little strange when Hoseok was cursing, unfitting and like he was mocking him with it. It made him fucking furious.

“Oh _really_? Do you want me to leave more marks? Do you like them so much?” Hyungwon asked back and pushed his hips down, purposefully. It might have looked like he was keeping Hoseok in place, but that was only part of the story.

_If this shit makes him blush, you basically won._

Hoseok gasped and curled his free hand around his thigh, burying his fingertips in his muscles.

“What- what are you doing?” The older man narrowed his gaze, but his cheeks were already gaining color.

_Jackpot._

“What does it look like?” he asked with a grin and leaned down, ignoring the black-haired man's almost painful grip on his thigh. Hoseok’s eyes were big and Hyungwon wished he could paint just to get the color of his cheeks right. But alas, he was a male body enthusiast with no painting skill.

“It looks as if you want to die,” Hoseok hissed and freed his other hand, leaving the phone under his body. His left hand curled around Hyungwon's neck and sunk his pale fingers into his hair, holding him in place. Hyungwon gasped at the sudden pain and froze in place to not make it worse. He was so fucking close that he could see that the other man's bottom lip was a little dry.

“I could say the same about you, give me my fucking phone,” he breathed out, seeing how Hoseok shuddered at the way the air tickled his skin.

“You have to act nicely and right now you're not doing your best,” Hoseok scoffed against his lips and stared.

_Oh, so that's how he plays._

Hyungwon licked over his lips slowly and got closer, forcing himself to ignore the pain at his scalp.

“And how would you like me to act, Hoseok?” he purred and tightened his thighs around the other man's hips. He wasn't quite sure what they were fighting about at this point, but he wanted to win.

The grip in his hair loosened immediately and the black-haired man stared up at him in shock, shifting his hips minimally.

“Don't-” he pressed out while licking over his lips.

It was tempting, it really was, to move forward the last few centimeters and to taste those curved lips. But Hyungwon couldn't act on his own like this, not when the other man panicked at their proximity and was taken.

_By an asshole that cheats and fucks around, but still taken._

Of course, Hyungwon hadn't technically seen Michal fuck other people, but with the amount of kissing, face sucking and crotch grabbing he had witnessed it was really easy to assume. It seemed like Hoseok was the oblivious one who got treated like shit and desperately tried to stay faithful.

_Why would you care if he stays faithful or not?_

“Don't what?” he asked back and remained in place, fingers slowly moving over Hoseok’s chest and sides, stroking over his waist. He was just going to be sneaky and get it himself.

“Your phone, just take it,” Hoseok whispered and reached under his butt, rolling his hips into him in the process of lifting them and exhaled sharply.

“Holy shit,” Hyungwon cursed and tried to forget the way Hoseok’s clothed dick felt against his ass, desperately. “Why would you do that? Fuck.”

His fingers dug into the other man's pyjamas shirt and he stared at Hoseok’s wide eyes, disbelieving that they were really lying on the other man's bed and arguing over a fucking mobile phone.

“It wasn't on purpose, I didn't do it on purpose, I swear, just- your phone, I needed to give it to you and I can't just get it like this, so I have to lift my hips, but you're sitting on me,” Hoseok explained all panicky and demonstrated what he meant by doing the same thing all over again.

_Sweet Jesus._

“Thank you for the detailed demonstration, now I'll spend the rest of the day trying to forget what your dick feels like against my ass. It's greatly appreciated,” he replied sarcastically and took his phone, stuffing it into the front pocket of his jeans as well as he could. They were rather tight. Sucking his lip piercing into his mouth, he rolled his hips for revenge.

The other man gasped loud and clear, grabbing his waist with both hands.

“Why are you like this? I gave you your phone back,” he whispered and bit down on his lower lip. “Fuck.”

Somehow Hyungwon liked to hear the black-haired man curse, like it was something special, a sign that he had brought him out of concept. It was special because no one else could do it.

“Because you kept provoking me, Hoseok. You can't fuck up and expect everything to be okay just because you say you didn't mean it, or stop being a dick.”

“Why am I the one fucking up if you're the one sitting on top of me?” the black-haired man whispered and licked over his lips repeatedly, tightening his grip on his waist.

“You didn't want to give me my phone at first, what did you think I'd do? Beg for it?” Hyungwon laughed and kept the proximity, exhaling against Hoseok’s lips on purpose. “No fucking way.”

Hoseok breathed out loudly and narrowed his gaze, reaching inside the pocket of Hyungwon's jeans and removing the phone, before throwing it away, so that it landed on the carpet.

“Go get it, if you don't want to beg,” he hissed.

Hyungwon wanted to choke him, to just curl his long fingers around the other man's thick neck and shake him until he apologized, got the fucking phone or choked.

_He's treating you like a dog._

“I'm not your dog, you fucker. If you want a pet you'll have to look somewhere else,” he hissed and reached out to grab the other man's collar, pulling him off the bed a little. Hoseok was fucking heavy. Pressing his lips into a thin line, Hyungwon exhaled through his nose and observing how a strand of the other man’s bangs flew up.

“I don't want a pet, but you're all angry and wanting to bite, so I guess I have to teach you some manners.” The fucker stared at him, smirking like the asshole he was.

Hyungwon merely stared back and rolled his hips again, watching intently how the black-haired man reacted to it. Since holding Hoseok up by the collar was rather heavy, he let him sink back to the mattress smoothly. Anger didn't work on Hoseok.

Licking over his lips, he leaned in himself, almost touching the beautifully curved mouth corners.

“Teach me then,” he whispered.

Something changed in Hoseok's expression and he groaned, grabbing his hips and turning them on the bed. His back clashed against the hard mattress before the muscular man hovered over him.

“Stop these games, take your phone and go home like a good boy, it's sleep time for you,” Hoseok sneered at him, looking incredibly angry.

It was hot. It was fucking hot and that was bad. Very bad.

Hyungwon wasn't able to say anything, merely staring at the parted lips, rough exhales hitting his face. He was trapped between the other man's muscular arms, resting on each side of his head. It seemed intense and he wasn't sure whether he would have been able to free himself even if he had wanted to. Fuck.

His heart was beating furiously, enough to make it seem like Hoseok could have identified it by looking at his chest alone. It was a little overwhelming even, like Hoseok had changed, like the black-haired man's behavior was suddenly not predictable anymore.

Exhaling slowly, Hyungwon licked over his lips, attempting to return the moisture while his eyes widened and focused on the almost black, narrowed ones staring at him.

“What? You can only talk if you're on top of me? What are you going to do now? How does it feel, huh?” Hoseok leaned in and blew air against his lips on purpose.

“Tempting,” Hyungwon forced out and bit down on his lower lip, a little worried that his body would betray him at this point. His hands were curled around Hoseok’s wrists in a pathetic attempt to resist, if he would have wanted to that is.

“Tempting? You're some stubborn kid, aren't you? You can't do anything like this, just give up, apologize, get your phone and go home,” the other man murmured, seeming less and less confident the more time he spent looking at his face.

Hyungwon felt a little frustrated at the provocation because it was true. He couldn't really do much, but the way the black-haired man's facial expressions changed just because of the eye contact was a triumph on its own just like the pretty blush on the pale cheeks.

_‘Cause you're hot._

“I doubt that a kid would be able to make you feel like this,” he replied and let his fingers travel higher, stroking along the lines of Hoseok’s biceps. They were gorgeous, and he really wanted to pull them off perfectly with his sculpture. “Your body and face are so expressive, it's crazy.”

Hoseok closed his eyes for a few seconds and exhaled sharply, before reaching to the side and covering everything in darkness.

_No, please, no._

Hyungwon panicked, eyes opening wide without further input and nails digging into the soft skin of Hoseok’s upper arms. He couldn't help the way his breaths began to leave his lips ridiculously fast and the way his lips shivered. He was scared, so fucking scared. Gasping loudly, he curled his arms tightly around Hoseok’s neck to calm down, pulling the black-haired man on top of himself and burying his face in the warm skin of his shoulder.

“What are you doing, Hyungwon?” Hoseok asked right next to his ear, exhaling sharply and trying to keep his lower body in the air.

Hyungwon couldn't reply, he just wanted the fucking light to return and his body to calm down. It had been too sudden, he couldn't have prepared at all. He didn't know what was happening or what was around him apart from the warm body in his arms.

_Just don't let go._

“Listen, I just don't want you to read my face, why are you like this?” Hoseok tried to resist, but he must've not tried hard enough, just sinking down on top of him slowly.

“I can't see,” he forced out and curled his legs around the other man as well, not giving a shit that it was heavy. He just wanted to be able to fucking see, everything else didn't matter. His hands sank into soft hair and he dug his nails into a muscular shoulder to remain attached. “Don't go.”

“How can I go like this if you're all over me, are you scared? Of the dark?” Hoseok whispered, trying to free his arm but failing.

Hyungwon didn't reply, it wasn't something he wished to admit to.

“I just fucking hate it and you caught me off guard,” he murmured against the soft skin and focused on the way it felt when it touched his lips, pleasantly smooth.

_Like marble, just warm._

“You hate it? I like it, like this you can't see my face, it's nice.” The other man chuckled lowly. “And I'm not conflicted. At least not as much. Don't you think it's really calm when it's dark?”

Hyungwon shook his head and forced himself to keep his composure. It wasn't as terrifying when his eyes were closed, he could pretend that there was light, but he just preferred not to see it.

_But you only close your eyes when you pose, it's not the same._

“I- I only don't mind the dark when I pose,” he replied finally, but kept his limbs tightly attached to the other man, breathing in the strong fruity scent of shower gel and something manly, not too sweet but not musky either.

“I love it because you seem like a kid instead of an animal with rabies. Plus, I can see you and you can't see me. The best.” Hoseok laughed against his shoulder before leaning back.

Hyungwon panicked and only held on tighter, not letting him. He was going to lose his shit on his own and that was definitely not going to happen.

“I said don't go,” he hissed and grabbed a fistful of hair, legs crossing above the black-haired man's butt. “I'm not a fucking kid, I just hate it. I can still have you begging if I want to.”

Hoseok tried really hard to lift his lower body, but Hyungwon held on tight.

“As if, why would I beg? You have nothing that I want. But can you not- do this thing with your legs, can't you behave?” Hoseok propped up on both arms, lifting Hyungwon in the air.

“Beg for it,” he murmured in reply, but it didn't sound very convincing. He was too busy with holding on and attempting not to hyperventilate. “Or teach me manners, I don't care at this point, just don't go.”

“Are you high? I'm just going to throw you into the wardrobe, if you don't stop. I was really nice to you until now, even though you complain about me being an asshole and whatnot.” Hoseok stood up and walked somewhere while curling his hands around his thighs. “You're scared, aren't you?”

Hyungwon didn't look up, curling himself further around the other man and attempting to calm his breaths. It was overwhelming to be unable to see, to be surrounded by blackness and nothing else apart from the skin of the person he was supposed to be angry at. It seemed like he wasn't able to detest the man he was holding on to, to be angry at him and to be upset by his words.

It was almost as if Hyungwon needed him close.

_Because you're scared._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 30th of October at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Can I kiss you?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

He really didn't know what was worse, Hyungwon coming over while Michal was showering after they had sex, the fact that he had to throw the blonde boy into his wardrobe, that the said boy saw him in all his naked glory, or that they had almost killed each other while provoking each other in every possible way.

_This is not about light. Why are you both like this?_

He realized it wasn't about light when he had turned everything off to not do anything stupid. Anything _really_ stupid, considering how angry he was. The blonde, pierced devil was teasing him, it was hard not to react. It was hard in general, there was so much tension and he kept wondering where it came from.

_Why does it feel so dangerous? As if you don't know what will happen._

Hyungwon was stuck to his body like glue, obviously not planning to let go any time soon. Hoseok walked towards his console, but it was really hard to do anything with the other man holding onto him so firmly.

_Why would you turn on the light if he keeps teasing you all the time?_

“You are afraid, aren't you?” He leaned forward, so that Hyungwon's back touched the door of his wardrobe.

The blonde boy jerked at the sudden contact, gasping and burying his blunt nails in Hoseok’s back. He must have really been unable to see anything.

“No,” Hyungwon whispered although he had almost lost it just now. The boy weighed almost nothing, slim limbs holding on tightly by themselves.

“Hmm, I'm pretty sure that you are. So, are you going to be nice or not?” He placed one hand on the console and waited.

“What do you mean by nice?” Hyungwon murmured into his shoulder and slipped the fingers of his right hand under his shirt at the collar, they were cold but felt really nice and soft against his skin, sending a shiver down his spine.

_He didn't get the point._

“Okay let's stop the games,” he whispered and turned on the red light to not get blinded by the brightness.

The blonde head instantly lifted off his shoulder, as if Hyungwon had something resembling a radar for light, even though his eyes had been completely buried in the crook of Hoseok’s neck.

Big eyes opened and stared at him, blinking a few times to get used to the light.

“This is the same light you used to photograph me,” Hyungwon murmured and loosened his almost painful grip on Hoseok’s hair.

“Yes.” He looked to the side and waited for the moment Hyungwon would let him go, so that he would stop reacting.

“You said you wanted to photograph me again, right?” the blonde boy asked instead of letting go, watching him intently.

“I did.” He didn't look at the other man's face. He knew it'd be difficult.

_Why though?_

Because he was a semi-attractive male and very close to him.

“When?” The other man's voice was low and a little strained like he hadn't used it for a while. The cold fingers that had stroked over his back disappeared and slid along his neck instead. A few more moments passed until the tight hold of Hyungwon's legs around his hips finally released.

“Don't know,” he murmured. He really didn't have the resources to see Hyungwon naked right now. Releasing his grip on the other man's lean thighs, he let him slide down until his legs touched the ground.

“Fuck my life,” the blonde groaned suddenly and brushed through his hair. “I can't believe you hid me in a wardrobe, pushed me onto a bed, carried me around and threw my fucking phone to the side a-”

Eyes widening, Hyungwon looked up at him, lips the shape of a perfect ‘o’. “Where is my fucking phone?”

_You're going to kill him._

“Go and search for it,” he hissed and finally stepped back, leaving the room to go to the bathroom and calm down from the feeling of Hyungwon's crotch sliding down his lower body. It was way too much for one evening and he really didn't know what he would've done if he hadn't had sex an hour ago.

_You're not supposed to because you have a boyfriend, and he's just someone you meet because of work. You are supposed to meet him because of work. What are you even doing, Hoseok? And why is he doing it? To make fun of you and the way you react even though he knows that you have a boyfriend?_

He got angry all of a sudden, throwing his head back and groaning loudly. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and the blush that covered his cheeks. He hated it. He hated it so much. Turning on the water, he washed his face with ice cold water a few times and dried it with a fluffy towel.

_It's okay. He's getting his phone and then he'll leave. And you can be alone and sleep. It will be fine._

He opened the door and walked out, closing the buttons on his half open pajama top and searched for Hyungwon.

The blonde boy was slipping into his shoes, phone noticeably residing in the front pocket of his jeans.

“I'm gonna leave, feel like I've overstayed my welcome. Just write to me when you want to take the photos or see the studio, I'll be able to answer now, got my phone after all.” He spoke quickly, very much unlike himself while patting his pocket.

“Mhm, I will. Buy the stupid helmet already,” he murmured and turned around, walking into his bedroom and closing the door after himself.

Why did it feel strange? Why did it pull inside when Hyungwon said that he wasn't welcome? It wasn't that he was welcome, but he also wasn’t against the other man being in his apartment. It was fine somehow, eating his sushi and hugging naked and all that.

_Why would you be fine with hugging naked?_

Funnily enough the naked hugging had been less weird than the way they had behaved today, even though they had been dressed. The way Hyungwon's slim hips had rolled into his body while the blonde man had this expression on his face, his plump lips parted and the pierced tongue sliding over them. Hyungwon's eyes were half closed and focused on his face.

_Scratch that, Hoseok. This is really not what you should be thinking about. Think about the design of the working space. Work. Think about work._

Unfortunately, his work made him think of Hyungwon and how his hands had felt against his skin, stroking over his nape and raking through his hair gently.

_It's so different._

_So different that you definitely shouldn't be doing it._

_

 

“Let's celebrate the fact that this bad, snobby human liked my art. There's a party today, please come, it'll be fun.” Taehyung jumped up and down while holding his coffee and Hoseok almost died  watching how the liquid almost swamped over a couple of times.

“No and stop jumping. I don't know why I would go, there are people I have nothing in common with and I don't know anyone besides you. You'll be gone socializing with all kinds of representatives of the human race while I'll be sitting in the corner and designing light concepts on my iPhone, even though I could do it at home on the huge screen. There's no point.” Hoseok brushed back his hair and fixed the red tie he was wearing.

“But you know people, Hyungwon will be there too and you know him. You can dance together, I want to see that, it will be the best thing ever. Hyungwon is a really good dancer and I know that you are too.” Tae grinned and sat on his lap, almost pouring his coffee over him.

“Bullshit. Why would I dance with him? I did classical dance, Taehyung, not random break dancing or whatever the kid is capable of. And why would I go there? I don't want to meet anyone, I just want to work in peace.” Hoseok grasped the other man's cup and took a big gulp.

“But it's at my place this time, and you know my place, so you'll be comfy. You can even stay over, like before, it will be fun! Please come,” his best friend begged with his puppy eyes and curled his long fingers around his hand, pulling it against his chest. “My heart beats for you.” Taehyung grinned and leaned in, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“I like you, but no way.” He pushed the other man's butt from his thigh and turned on his laptop, pretending to be busy.

“I'll call Michal and tell him all the things I think about him. It's time.”

Taehyung was a sneaky snake. Not that Hoseok was surprised about that. But then again there was a possibility that his boyfriend wouldn't pick up the phone anyway.

_But it's a party. You wouldn't be alone there, not alone with him, so it'll be okay._

_

 

Taehyung had no idea about music and also no idea about the right people to hang out with. Hoseok had stayed in the other man's bedroom for one and a half hours already, simulating different concepts for the working space for Hyungwon's friend. He couldn't help but be overly excited at how it would turn out after he had put so much work and thought into it. It was his favorite project at the moment.

_Thinking about work is the best._

Suddenly the door opened, and Taehyung stormed in, wearing this terrible green shirt of his with red circles and pants that could've also been a skirt, or a tent, or the cover for a swimming pool.

“Hyungwon just arrived, let's go have a drink, don't be this pseudo-snobby workaholic, Hoseok. I have Michal saved in my phone. You promised to have fun.”

“How is that having fun if you're forcing me by blackmailing and threatening to upset my boyfriend?” Hoseok murmured but stood up and walked past his best friend.

_You haven’t contacted Hyungwon for two weeks._

He didn't, but he had also been super busy. With stuff.

_Especially forgetting about everything._

Strolling towards the living room, he spotted the other man grinning at a few equally delinquent individuals and emptying a shot. He was sitting on the couch, legs spread wide and showing off various cuts along his thighs, knees and calves, revealing parts of the tattoos that Hoseok almost knew by heart at this point. There was a bit of makeup on his face, emphasizing his plump lips even more, just like the form of his eyes.

_He has company, so you can go back._

He turned around but met Taehyung's stupid grin and his long sneaky fingers that grabbed his shoulders and turned him around.

“Look who I found in my bedroom!” the traitor exclaimed and pushed him towards the couch.

_Amazing._

“I just came to say hi, I'll go back to work,” he murmured, getting more and more uncomfortable being surrounded by all these weird people in addition to the super loud music and shitty lighting. The lighting was the worst.

Hyungwon’s eyes widened a little at the sight of him before he turned to Tae and raised an eyebrow. It looked a little teasing.

“You're working in Tae's bedroom?” he asked eventually and pulled his skinny body off the couch, showing more of his thighs through the movement. “How have you been?”

_Good. You've been good. Very good._

“Uhh- fine?” he answered like an idiot and glanced at the way Hyungwon sucked his lip piercing into his mouth.

“Yes, he's staying over, it was the only way to get him here. It's a struggle, and like this he can't run away, ahahahaha.” Tae’s witch-laugh almost made him choke on his spit, as he threw his best friend a death stare.

“You are staying over?” Hyungwon asked, voice soaked with disbelief before he turned towards Tae. “I thought-”

“Yes, you're also staying over, it will be so much fun!” Taehyung grinned at him.

_This traitor. Don't trust him. Ever. He only has his bed and the double couch. You'll have to sleep with Tae or with Hyungwon in one bed._

He didn't know what was worse, because Taehyung abused others while sleeping, kicking and taking away the blanket.

“I'll kill you,” Hoseok mouthed in his direction before smiling his fake smile at the people around them. “This will be sooo much fun,” he exaggerated and took the gin bottle out of a creepy dude’s hand, taking a couple of big gulps and feeling better about his shitty life.

“Fuck my life,” Hyungwon murmured next to him and just stole the bottle, pouring it into his shot glass. It was funny because it looked like the boy had more manners than him which was bullshit.

“You learned manners? For me?” Hoseok smirked and turned to his best friend. “Where is the remote? I'm going nuts because of this shitty lighting, I didn't spend three months for you to ruin it like this. I told you to not let idiots play with it!”

“I hope you're more fun drunk,” Hyungwon remarked and rolled his eyes, pushing the bottle back into Hoseok’s palm. “But the lights do suck camel dick.”

“Oh, you're like my boyfriend, he also thinks I'm more fun drunk, you guys should be friends,” Hoseok commented and drank more gin that burned down his throat, before finding the tiny black remote in a girl’s hand. She had been trying to read the button descriptions out loud. He wanted to facepalm.

Walking over he smiled sweetly and took it away before glancing up towards the ceiling.

“Hyungwon is not like him,” Tae murmured next to him.

_As if._

“You should run away before I kill you, Tae.” Watching the arrangement for some time, he looked over the room and started adjusting the lights one by one, creating a gorgeous shadow picture. The atmosphere was so much better, it looked intimate and welcoming, not like the mess it had been before.

“It's gorgeous,” Hyungwon’s voice sounded next to him as long fingers grabbed his shoulder carefully, applying a minimal amount of pressure. “I'm sorry if you were hurt by what I said, your face changed. I said it ‘cause you provoked me, but that probably doesn't make it better. You're cool. When you don't judge people for no reason that is.”

_What an admirable amount of self-reflection._

“Thank you for your opinion.” He smiled his fake smile and threw the remote on the table. “I'm going to work some more.” Throwing Taehyung another death stare, he walked towards the other man's bedroom.

It was really nice and quiet, he was thankful for his own idea of making the room soundproof. Taehyung was a very light sleeper, despite kicking, and woke up frequently because of different sounds, so he implemented it when his best friend moved into his apartment.

He let himself fall on top of the bed and crossed his legs. Taking back the iPad, he leaned against the headboard and stared at the latest arrangement. It was nice, but it somehow wasn't perfect. He hated not being perfect.

The noise from the living room suddenly returned in full force before quietening down again. A glance towards the door revealed Hyungwon who was leaning against it with his back, long fingers still curled around the handle and one leg propped up against it. It almost looked as if the blonde boy wished to appear nonchalant.

“What are you working on?” Hyungwon asked eventually and sucked his lip piercing into his mouth, gaze shifting from Hoseok’s eyes to some undefined place on the bed.

“Your friend’s working space. What are you doing here?” He returned his gaze to the iPad and saw that he had deleted an LED by accident.

“Fuck.”

_Since when do you curse?_

Since he had started making mistakes.

“I thought this might be a good opportunity to- you know, talk? I kinda thought you'd call me up or something,” Hyungwon remarked with a shrug and pushed off the door, getting closer until he sat down at the edge of the bed. “Not like you have to or anything, but I kinda hoped you would. You take amazing pictures. Tae told me that you arranged this whole place and the bedroom is simply magical, much like yours.”

_Stop designing magical bedrooms. It will come back at you and make you miserable._

“I- was busy. Why do you want to talk? Because I drank and am more fun? I'm not quite there yet, so you can make me one of those drinks you can mix so well and come later.” He added the LED back and saved the file again, not lifting his gaze and chewing on his lip.

“I don't want you drunk, I like you sober,” Hyungwon murmured and shifted next to him. “I don't even really know what you are like when you're drunk. I spent most of my time with you, including being naked on your lap, while you were sober, so I don't think I'm really allowed to judge here.” Sighing, the blonde boy crawled further up on the bed, dropping his shoes on the side and sitting down next to him, glancing over his shoulder. “May I see?”

_How are you supposed to talk if he keeps reminding you all the time?_

“Sure,” he murmured while staring at the stupid picture like a maniac. Moving the tablet to the side to let the other man see, he started zooming in on the windows and showing the simulation of daylight passing through and creating shadows. “To see it on an object, I used the 3D simulation of my favorite Homme sculpture, but it can be anything of course,” he said while adding the sculpture to the room and letting the daylight pass on in a simulation of ten hours sunshine during a summer month. “I also have calculations for cloudy days or different seasons, so you can see how the light would fall and place the objects you want to show or work on accordingly. And here are the light simulations. I'll just show you one because the combinations are endless, and I'd need to meet the artist to give him an introduction on the console. It'll be more complex than in my bedroom and it's not perfect yet, but I spent a lot of time on this and I really hope that it'll work out. And also, that the artist likes it of course.” He let the lights combine and create different types of colors and shadows on the sculpture. It looked really nice.

Hyungwon listened intently, watching the way he changed the settings and arrangements until soft, cool fingers landed on the back of his hand, pausing him.

“It's amazing, really fascinating. I bet the artist will love it, a lot. It's- it's perfect.” Swallowing, the blonde boy looked up from the screen towards him, they sat so close. “Why is this your favorite sculpture?”

_You shouldn't tell him. He doesn't really care, does he?_

He didn't want to say it, but Hyungwon seemed genuinely interested and impressed by his work, so he loosened up a little.

“I thought about it, I think because it reminds me of myself? I wish I could go around with my hand covering my face because everyone can read it otherwise. At the same time, I really want to see what's under the hand, to see what this person is thinking and whether I can see it on his face too. Like others can see it on mine. I know it doesn't make sense, either way, that's what I'm working on,” he murmured and licked over his lips.

“You don't like to be easily readable?” Hyungwon asked and leaned against the headboard, as he thought about it. “I always liked it, it makes you very genuine, like you wouldn't just go ahead and lie to profit from it.”

_But people use it. He uses it too._

“It's easy, either I'm the one gaining profit, or it's others. Because of my inability to control my facial expressions people tend to realize what I'm thinking and use it for whatever reasons. I don't really like getting close to be honest. It feels strange. As if others always know and I'm just guessing what's going on.” He definitely shouldn't have drunk the gin.

_It's not Tae. Get a grip._

“But isn't it lonely? To be honest your expressive face is what made me like you. It seemed like your mouth said one thing, possibly hurtful, but your face said something else. It made me feel like you might not hate me as much as you pretend to, that's kinda calming, you know?” Hyungwon kept his fingers on top of the back of Hoseok’s hand even though he wasn't pausing his movements anymore. Licking over his plump lips, the blonde man chuckled suddenly. “Fuck my life, I might even be semi-attracted to that expressive face of yours. It's something good.”

_He's what?_

Hoseok stopped breathing for a few seconds, feeling how his eyes widened and his heartbeat started hammering inside his chest, crawling up and echoing in his ears. Hyungwon's palm felt really hot against his hand all of a sudden.

_It's okay, he can think that your face is semi- attractive, why are you panicking?_

He turned to the side and exhaled, calming himself, before turning back.

“I don't hate you. But I'm used to being by myself, it's calm. Just like darkness is.”

“I hate the darkness,” the blonde whispered and closed his eyes for a few seconds before smiling lightly. “You said that you feel like everyone knows what's going on apart from you, right? I think no one really does, they just pretend to. I have no fucking idea what's going on most of the time, but I just try to wing it.”

“I know that you're scared of the darkness. I saw it on the pictures I took.” Hoseok remembered how he looked at the last photos he had taken when Hyungwon posed in the dark with his eyes closed. “But it's fine, I turn off the light when I don't want you to see what's on my face. Actually, I'm sorry for turning it off, because I knew that you felt really uncomfortable about it.” He chewed on his lip and glanced at Hyungwon's face.

“It's- okay,” the blonde whispered after a pause, big eyes remaining wide and meeting his. Hyungwon's long fingers stroked a little over his hand but it seemed subconscious with how he didn't break the eye contact, not even for a second. “I felt calmer when I posed. I never tried to express this feeling before, but you could tell from the pictures. I guess that's good in one way or another.”

It still felt hot, Hyungwon's fingers did, but it also felt really nice, soft and tender, like silk sheets. And they had hugged naked before, so it was okay somehow.

“The pictures look gorgeous,” he murmured and looked to the ceiling, observing how a passing car threw a shadow that moved until the light passed. “You don't need to stay here, go have some fun.” Smiling, he pulled his hand from under Hyungwon's palm slowly and put it on his own thigh.

“It's fine, I prefer to talk to you,” the blonde replied and shrugged. “Your feeling for light is so fascinating, I'm still trying to comprehend it. You knew exactly what was needed just by seeing the studio. I'm still amazed.”

Smiling brightly, the younger man turned his body to the side to look at Hoseok properly and pulled his long legs under his body.

“Do you still want to know what the studio will be for?”

_Oh god yes._

“Yes, I'd love to know that, because I would be able to design it perfectly if I know the purpose. There isn't much information to be honest, so I just work with imagination for now,” he said and turned to the other man, watching how the dimmed light of Taehyung's small bedside lamp illuminated his plump lips and big, brown eyes. Hyungwon's bangs were really long, almost hindering Hoseok from looking into his eyes. He lifted his hand and reached for the other man's face, removing the blonde strands to the side to see better. Hoseok had to admit that the blonde boy had a beautiful face. Even with all those piercings.

It was quiet for a few moments as Hyungwon’s lips parted but no sound came out, watching him intently. Only after his pierced tongue had licked over his lips, did he answer.

“Sculpting.”

_Yes, oh god, jackpot._

“Oh my god, this is amazing! I kind of had it in mind even though it was just me playing around with my imagination, thank you so much for telling me.” He got all excited, curling his hands around the other man's shoulders and shaking him a little.

_You're tipsy, you idiot._

He was, but he wasn't drunk, and he didn't say anything stupid. At least he didn't think that he had said anything stupid. Did he?

“Wow, ehm, I'm glad you're so happy about this. I'm sure it'll be fucking perfect, everything I've seen of yours is fucking perfect, so I don't have any doubts. I still can't believe you agreed to do this, holy shit. Especially for that money.” Hyungwon seemed really happy despite the way Hoseok shook him. The other man's hands curled around his waist and stroked over his sides. “You're really good at this, like- fucking good.”

“But it has to be perfect, I love sculptures so much, it has to be the best. To be honest I'm trying to be greedy, but Tae helps me finding projects that are really fun for me to do, even though I scold him for it, it's what makes me really happy. This project is what keeps me going these days, so I'm really thankful actually. I'll do my best.” He smiled and focused his gaze on Hyungwon's pretty smile.

_Since when is his smile pretty?_

It didn't even take a split second until the hands at his waist moved up and curled around his neck instead, followed by the slim man's lean body in his arms.

“Fucking hell, thank you. You have no fucking idea how much this means, fuck,” Hyungwon cursed repeatedly and just squished Hoseok’s chest like two chopsticks would squish a tree.

_He must really like his friend._

“It's mutual, I told you, it's such a fun project to work on, I hope that it'll turn out well.” He curled one arm around Hyungwon's waist and smiled again. It felt really nice to see the blonde boy so happy about something he loved doing. It was almost as if they felt the same.

“Your hugs are cute, you should work out,” he commented and squeezed Hyungwon with both arms. Just a tiny bit.

“I don't look different, even when I work out,” the blonde remarked and grinned at him, lifting an eyebrow. “My hips and legs are stronger than the rest though, they don't lie.” Almost giggling a little, Hyungwon used more strength to hug him and stroked over his hair.

_What is he even talking about?_

“I almost can't see your eyes because your hair is so long,” he whispered next to the other man's pierced and curled up ear. It felt so different to hug, just like that, without proper light and without the crazy tension.

_There is tension._

Hyungwon leaned back and grabbed his face with both of his gigantic palms. Lifting his thighs, the blonde climbed on top of his lap like he did it all the time, in a smooth motion of his body until warmth settled over Hoseok’s muscular thighs.

“Maybe it's ‘cause 'm tipsy, but I'm so happy I could french kiss ya right now,” he murmured and stroked over Hoseok’s right cheek.

_You're both tipsy._

Hyungwon was so warm and so incredibly affectionate.

_But Tae is also like this. That's why it's okay, he also always sits on your lap and wants to kiss you._

“Why would you want to kiss me? Do you always kiss people when you're happy? Tae does that too, you're similar there,” he whispered and curled his arms around the other man's waist, realizing how thin it was, hidden by the loose shirt he was wearing.

“Nah, I never want to kiss anybody,” Hyungwon said with a laugh and climbed a little further, letting their lower bodies meet. “At least not recently. I'm just happy ‘cause you know about light and will do it and the light will finally be right for sculpting, holy shit. It's been four fucking years.”

“He's been waiting for that long? Wow, I'll do my best, I promise.” He smiled and lifted his right hand, brushing a blonde strand behind Hyungwon's ear. “You must really like your friend, being so happy for him. Reminds me of myself and Taehyung. I'm also really happy when he can do the things he likes and gets recognition and the possibility to work on the things he wants to work on. It's important for an artist, so I can understand. I'm not an artist, so I just make money, but it's essential for someone who creates.”

“Mmh,” Hyungwon hummed and watched him intently, waiting for the strand of hair to disappear behind his ear until he moved closer. He was still holding Hoseok’s face in his palms, leaning in enough for him to be able to count the blonde man's eyelashes.

His gaze wandered from Hyungwon's eyes to his pierced eyebrow down to his nose and finally to his plump, pierced lips. The other man exhaled through his nose, letting the air brush against his lips a little. It was so incredibly close. Hoseok tightened his grip on the blonde boy’s slim waist, realizing that he hadn't breathed for a few seconds already.

“Can you…change the light in this room too?” Hyungwon asked quietly, moving one hand away from Hoseok’s cheek and over his black hair instead, sinking into the strands.

_Yes._

He hummed, turning to the side and reaching for the bedside drawer, where Tae kept the remote with saved settings. He had explained the possibilities to his best friend an endless amount of times, but it just didn't stay until the next day.

Switching off the small lamp, he covered them in darkness for a short while, before turning on the blue- white combination and painting shadows on their bodies and faces.

“It's gorgeous,” Hyungwon whispered and looked up, identifying the sources while licking over his lips briefly. “The windows reflect differently, not like in your bedroom, but it's still amazing.”

“Thank you, I wasn't able to do anything about the windows, but I gave the lights as a present. He just doesn't really know how to use them.” He chuckled and returned to his previous position, missing Hyungwon's hands on his face a little.

_Because they were warm._

Lean arms instantly circled his shoulders again as the blonde man closed the distance, exhaling against his lips.

“I wouldn't know how to use them either. I just feel the effect,” he whispered and brushed through his long hair with one hand before cupping Hoseok’s face with it. “You're beautiful.”

Hoseok’s eyes widened again, not used to hearing compliments, especially from the blonde man who had called him a snobby prick and an asshole before.

“I- thank you. You look beautiful too. The light compliments you really well. But you're also very- special in the darkness too,” he murmured and glanced to the side.

“What do you mean, Hoseok?” the other asked and brushed through Hoseok’s hair, long fingers moving along his scalp. The music in the next room changed but it was muffled and difficult to identify. “Why in the darkness?”

Hyungwon was so close, lean thighs touching his own and light perfectly reflecting off the ripped areas, catching on the uncovered skin. His partially tattooed collarbones were equally illuminated, teasing the drawing that Hoseok knew was there.

_You need to take more pictures later._

“Because you look as if you're searching for something, it looks genuine and raw. I can see pretty well with the limited amount of light and it makes it special.”

_Because you're the only one who can see it._

“Don't- don't you need to go back? Don't worry, I'll just work, I'm not really mad or anything, I mean- if you do worry.” He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth before letting go.

“You’re sweet, makes me want to have a taste,” the blonde man whispered, so close that Hoseok was able to trace the words against his skin. All of a sudden, he felt something warm and impossibly soft against his bottom lip, just a brief touch as if it hadn't been there in the first place.

“Would you like to be alone? I prefer to be in your arms,” Hyungwon replied quietly and leaned further into their embrace.

“What? No, you were having fun and then you just came here and it's not really fun, is it?” He licked over his bottom lip, sensing how his heartbeat increased in frequency.

_Did he kiss you?_

It didn't seem like it, because kisses were long and wet, and you got hot just from thinking about it, so it must've been whatever, but not a kiss.

“Why- do you want to be in my arms?” he asked carefully, glancing up.

“Because it's nice,” the blonde murmured and caressed the skin of his neck with long fingers before sinking them into his hair, pulling him closer without applying much strength. “It's- I don't even know. I told you that I just pretend to understand.”

_You both have no idea? But who knows then?_

He curled both arms tighter around Hyungwon's body and pulled him flush against his chest. He was warm, just like the alcohol that hit him pretty hard. He stared at the other man's red lips and leaned in, touching Hyungwon's pierced bottom lip with his mouth briefly before leaning back. It felt really soft and interesting with how the metal was very warm too.

_If he can do it, then you can do it too._

The fingers in his hair froze, just like the body of the man on top of him. A shaky breath hit his face as Hyungwon let go of his hair and circled his neck with his slim arms so that their chests were touching, warmth transcending through the fabric.

“Can I kiss you?” the younger man whispered, lips already lightly brushing against his, so warm to the touch.

Hoseok wanted to think about the answer.

_No, you don't._

He breathed out and bridged the rest of the distance, feeling how soft the other man's plump lips felt against his own, so warm and a little wet.

His arms curled further around Hyungwon's waist and he let his right hand travel over the other man's clothed back hesitantly.

_It's not about light. It's not._

***

It felt amazing to be able to let go, to clink cheap Ikea glasses filled with vodka that tasted like everything that was wrong with the world, sprinkled with a tiny hint of suppressed responsibilities.

_The best._

Hyungwon grinned at one of Tae's friends that he wasn't familiar with yet, but intended to get to know better, especially if the guy continued to flex his arm whenever he reached for another shot.

The music wasn't quite his thing, but the base was deep enough to shake his ass and twerk on the couch. He hadn't reached that point of his alcohol intake yet, but he might have been getting there.

_You haven't let go for ages._

Apart from the joint he had smoked with Kihyun on the other man's crappy one-square-meter balcony on the weekend.

But that didn't really count.

He laughed and let his shot glass meet that of an unfamiliar girl. Hyungwon didn't know her but the amazing thing about parties at Tae's place was that he didn't have to. Everyone was impressively open-minded, talked about everything and everything and did really crazy and fascinating stuff. One of the girls that was currently drinking beer from some dude’s navel did professional belly dancing and could move in ways Hyungwon couldn't even imagine, while another was creating animals from beer caps. It was impressive.

It was a little too colorful with the light, but he could deal with that as long as it wasn't too dark. He really needed that break from work and sculpting. It somehow felt weird to carve Hoseok’s ass into marble even though it hadn't been difficult before. The awkwardness had forced him to just switch to the other man's back muscles, carving the details instead and leaving the butt as a random chunk of rock.

_Who knows, maybe that's art too. ‘The rock hard behind in shame part 1’._

Hyungwon laughed at his own thought and tried to forget that the black-haired man hadn't contacted him for two weeks even though he had said that he would.

_You only have another two left before the exhibition._

“Have you ever felt weird staring at a block of stone because you wanted to turn it into the ass of someone you know?” Hyungwon asked Tae who had just reappeared from his bedroom, a place he tended to disappear to for some reason. The almost platinum blonde man was always the right person for random questions without context.

“I once drew Hoseok's dick in a huge painting for a private banker. He didn't realize. I was so happy, Hoseok also doesn't know. Who's ass do you want to sculpt? You should definitely sculpt Hoseok's, all of my friends thirst after him.” The tipsy man performed a weird dance and emptied a shot.

_All his friend's thirst after him? Then you sure as fuck shouldn't._

“He has a really nice ass, firm with all the right hollows and lines,” he replied instead of voicing his rather unrealistic plans. Not thirsting involved the opposite of rolling his hips on top of the clothed man's thighs and Hyungwon was kind of past that point.

_Just sculpt his body and enjoy the beauty. And the studio._

“Yes! I know, right? He works hard for it in his basement with those huge weights and sweating like a pig. But I guess it's either a nice butt or a peaceful life and eating green tea cake on a couch while wearing no pants.” Tae handed him the glass with a shot.

“I think I'm the second,” Hyungwon replied with a grin and emptied it, enjoying the burn along his throat. The guy whose biceps he had been eyeing the whole night (mostly because they looked like they could curl around his waist without much effort) had disappeared somewhere and it was disappointing. “Fuck my life, where did biceps guy go?”

“Oh, right, I have to get Hoseok out.” The blonde man squealed suddenly and ran somewhere.

_Hoseok? Hoseok is here?_

Hyungwon felt his heartbeat pick up which made no fucking sense since he saw the black-haired man all the time. Well, apart from the last two weeks.

_Not a single message, even though he had said that he wanted to photograph you._

He instantly switched to nonchalant, talking to a random girl until he felt eyes on him. The interaction was smooth, just as he had wanted it to be, a little teasing, not showing that he was upset about not being contacted. It was perfect until he just blurted out something ridiculously stupid.

_Why would you tell him that he's more fun drunk, Hyungwon? Are you his cheating, peace-of-shit boyfriend? No, you're not._

He really wanted to facepalm hard, to apologize and fix it, to get rid of the hurt facial expression that was so easy to read. Hyungwon wanted to cover it with his big palm and let the muscular body tell the rest of the story.

_The expression is there because of you._

He wanted to apologize, he really did, starting out nicely with his own assholish behavior and his dumb mistake of hurting Hoseok.

_Just to fuck up by blaming him._

Hyungwon was upset, a little at least for being ignored for two weeks. It just felt like he was irrelevant, some random kid that Hoseok dealt with if he had to even though it had felt like the two of them had some special connection. Something meaningful and related to aesthetics and male beauty.

But his behavior was still childish and dumb and only made it worse, forcing Hoseok to return to Taehyung’s bedroom while Hyungwon just stood there like an idiot. An idiot that admitted to a mistake while saying it was the other person's fault in the first place.

_Who the fuck apologizes like that?_

“I fucked up,” he murmured towards Tae and brushed his bangs out of his eyes. They had gotten way too long, showing a tiny bit of black at the top. He had to cut them and buy more bleach, but that shit was expensive too.

“He- is not as cold and distant as he sometimes seems. You can go have a talk with him. He's just hurt because of the comment,” Tae murmured, looking affected suddenly.

“Fuck, I didn't mean to be like that fucker,” he murmured and hoped that he didn't sound too bitter about Hoseok’s boyfriend. After all the other man probably cared about him a lot, especially with how he had looked at the bar, a little emotional and upset about being implicitly rejected.

_It was the first time you felt emphatic towards him._

“Hold my shot,” he told Tae, knowing that he already had enough liquid courage to last him the night. Luckily, he had skipped on the marihuana muffins Felicia brought, otherwise he'd be a mess.

“Be nice to him,” Tae shouted and emptied his shot.

He intended on trying his best, which was why he started the conversation lightly, apologizing properly and asking the other man to show him what he was working on. It was gorgeous, overwhelming with how it was exactly what Hyungwon wanted, put into something real, something that he could touch.

_He is going to make the studio like this, for you._

He was too emotional about it and the other man couldn't understand, not why he hugged him out of nowhere, not why he felt so involved if it was supposed to be his friend and not why sculpting meant so much.

_He just doesn't know it's you, it's all for you._

Hyungwon almost told him, feeling safe with the alcohol and the bright smile on the pretty face. But he didn't because it didn't mean anything. Liking the fact that it was for sculpting and liking that he was doing it for this guy he considered a kid was something else.

_He's better off not knowing._

Hyungwon was no kid, working for himself for ages, dealing with taxes and everything that the black-haired man mentioned since he was sixteen, only to be met with doubt and depreciation.

_He doesn't mean it, but he keeps saying it. Is it because he's unsure?_

The alcohol made him forgiving, speaking quietly and freely about the way the black-haired man's body was able to make him feel, the way he still thought about the vulnerable pose. It was almost magical, something only he was able to see.

_At least that was how it felt._

Once the light was changed, deep red color covering their bodies and Hoseok’s features, the same feeling returned. It was the exact same impression of intimacy, of their bodies being close despite their previous disagreements.

Hyungwon's heartbeat picked up and he barely resisted the urge to kiss the other man, speaking it out loud while opening up like a shell, telling Hoseok about how beautiful he was, bright smile reflecting in the light, body warm against hips and thighs firm under his own. It was beyond everything he knew and experienced as intimate. It seemed like they were breathing the same air and sharing the moment, the way the light reflected off their bodies and the windows. It felt like something connected them. Hyungwon wanted to grasp it, to be sure it was really there.

_You want to have a taste, know if it's real._

It was sudden, one moment he felt the urge to know how the beautifully curved lips felt against his and in the next he pressed his own, plump ones to the black-haired man's bottom lip, just for a brief moment. Hyungwon shouldn't have, not with the way his body heated up and his senses blurred. It felt like the touch alone took over his mind for the single second that it lasted.

A few seconds passed as he stroked through the soft black hair of the other man, narrowing his thighs and focusing on the way his breaths felt against his skin, almost tickling against his cheeks and lips. Hyungwon wanted the feeling to return, the warmth against his own lips, so soft and burning at the same time that it sent a tingling sensation downwards.

It was almost as if the gorgeous man felt the same. Muscular arms held onto his waist as the other leaned in briefly, connecting their lips. It overwhelmed him a little, confirming that he wanted to feel it, the touch, the connection. He shouldn't have but he wanted to, so fucking bad. It was almost as if he was meant to be close, meant to feel Hoseok’s arm curl almost completely around his waist and pull him flush against his chest.

But the moment was brief, like the few seconds of a solar eclipse, erasing everything around for a fleeting moment just to come crashing back. Hyungwon wanted to pull it, to make it last just a little bit longer, to be enveloped in the heat of the black-haired man's embrace and touch.

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered, unable to resist and lips trembling at the wish to connect with Hoseok’s.

The other man's almost black eyes stared at him for a few seconds before he felt Hoseok's breath hitting his lips roughly. It seemed as if the world stood still, like there was nothing until hot softness enveloped his mouth, slowly, he was pressed closer into the other man's body, muscular arms curling tighter around him while a hand stroked over his back hesitantly.

It was almost like fire against his lips, but not the familiar burn of pleasure, of the desire to drown in touches and arousal. It was calmer than that, like he wished to melt in the other man's arms, become a part of him through letting their lips touch and fingers intertwine. It was- soft somehow.

Hyungwon gasped and leaned further forward, letting his upper arms rest loosely on Hoseok’s shoulders, so that he could press his chest flat against the other man's, hot despite the fabric in between. His lips were tingling from the contact, thighs pulling together, and a harsh breath left his nose. There was something surreal about it, about the way the red light changed his perception, how it added to the intimacy.

Hoseok leaned back, breaking the contact, before closing the distance again and moving his hot lips against his mouth. It seemed like time passed in the form of photographs, small screenshots of what was happening accompanied by the associated feeling.

Hyungwon gasped, eyes fluttering open for a few seconds. He watched the other man's eyelashes. They were beautifully black, throwing tiny shadows on his cheeks, almost like they attempted to hide his expression, not show how he responded.

_But you can see it all, like an open book._

He felt a little dizzy from the lack of air, unable to breathe in because of the wish to remain connected, to feel the hot lips against his. Closing his eyes, he parted his lips, reciprocating the intimate kisses. The movements were slow, as if Hoseok was caressing him through the soft touch of fingertips on his back and the connection of their mouths. It was like a dream.

The gentle strokes continued until one hand reached his hair and he felt how Hoseok's fingers sunk in between his strands, leaving faint traces on his scalp.

The older man continued leaving short kisses against his lips, until he kept their mouths connected and moved his curved lips along the surface of his own plump ones. Hyungwon’s response was almost automatic, like he didn't need to think about what he really wanted, lips doing it all by themselves.

“This feels like a dream,” he whispered and parted his full lips a little, covering Hoseok’s bottom lip with his own, letting his tongue run over it. It tasted like a hint of gin, but not enough to know what Hoseok really tasted like. Hyungwon wanted to know so badly, thighs almost shaking at the desire to be closer.

Hoseok exhaled sharply and sucked Hyungwon's bottom lip into his mouth. His strong arms curled tighter around his waist and the other man pulled him further into his embrace. He could feel Hoseok's tongue licking over his upper lip. Hoseok smoothly switched to the bottom one until he suddenly moved back, disrupting the kiss.

Hyungwon gasped at the lost contact, feeling the tension increase between them just to break suddenly with the lack of contact. A harsh exhale left his nose as his eyes fluttered open and he attempted to close the distance again, almost desperate to feel the curved mouth on his.

_You can't break this, you need it._

Hoseok almost let him, giving in, but placed both palms against his shoulders right after, holding him back.

“Wait- Hyungwon, wait,” the other man whispered and pushed him down from his lap a little.

“I wanted to make sure you didn't get killed by him, Hyungwon,” Tae’s obnoxious voice suddenly appeared, accompanied by the loud noises from outside the room. “Oh.”

_What are you even doing, Hyungwon?_

His eyes widened at the realization that he was at Tae's party, in the blonde man's bedroom, making out with Hoseok, who had a boyfriend. Fucking hell.

“Still alive,” he replied and felt how the blood rushed through his lips at the way he had been kissing a few seconds ago, probably obvious to Taehyung who was poking his head through the door. When there wasn't an immediate reply and the surprised expression on the pretty man's face didn't change, he glanced towards Hoseok. On whose lap he was still sitting, at least mostly.

_Shit, Hyungwon, you didn't drink enough for this shit._

He climbed off and sat down on his shins, thinking about how to explain the situation without saying something stupid.

“We had a talk. Like friends,” Hoseok commented. “What ‘oh’? You also always sit on my lap, I think it radiates comfortable energy or something. Either way, we finished talking so-” the other man murmured and glanced towards Tae, who lifted an eyebrow.

“You should be thankful for that perfect sense of hearing you have. Let's go drink some more and you wanted to dance. You better do so.” The blonde man stuck out his tongue and disappeared, closing the door after himself.

“Fuck my life,” Hyungwon groaned as soon as it closed, feeling how some of the tension he had felt left his shoulders. He had never been in a situation like that, at least none that had been interrupted and stopped at mere ‘kissing’.

_Was it even kissing? It's too intense._

He was definitely not going to go dance, not when it would be painfully obvious how his body felt as soon as he stood up from the bed. Tight pants had their disadvantages, especially with how far up the rips went along his thighs.

“I need a minute, you can go ahead if you like,” Hoseok said and threw his head back, staring at the ceiling with his lips parted. His pale neck looked gorgeous and muscular, lines visible and Adam’s apple moving as soon as the other man swallowed. Hyungwon wanted to lick along it, feel the texture of the light skin against his lips.

_Very artistic, Hyungwon._

“I'm pretty sure I also need that fucking minute,” he murmured and sucked his lip piercing into his mouth, turning it repeatedly with his tongue. His eyes slid lower over Hoseok’s body, arriving at the light fabric of his jeans, bulging out a little.

_Well, fuck._

Suddenly, he felt Hoseok's gaze on his face. As soon as their eyes met, the room was covered in absolute darkness.

_No._

“I- Hoseok,” he gasped and felt the blood rush through his ears as it left his face, panic spreading through his chest and paralyzing him in place, unable to move. The harsh breaths stopped leaving his lips, getting stuck in his lungs as he began to shiver, unable to tell where the other man was.

_He could leave and you wouldn't know. You'd be trapped here._

“Fuck, where are you, Hoseok?” he forced out and stretched out his hand desperately, unable to locate the black-haired man. His long fingers just cut through air, making no sound. There was only the rush of blood in his ears. Even his voice didn't sound like himself.

_He left._

Hyungwon felt like fainting. His whole body contracted painfully and squeezed the air out of his lungs as the panic only rose.

Suddenly, warm fingers intertwined with the ones of his stretched out hand.

“Here,” the low voice murmured.

Hyungwon moved instantly, pulling at the hand that was connected to his and using it to crawl closer. His fingers walked along Hoseok’s arm until they reached his neck and he attached himself, unable to stop shivering. He knew that he was fine, that nothing could happen, but still his body reacted like that, unable to calm down once he felt alone.

“Listen, I just need to calm down a bit but you- you're making it impossible.” The other man fell back onto the bed due to the impact of Hyungwon attaching himself to his chest.

“Just turn the fucking light back on,” Hyungwon hissed and buried his face in the crook of the other man's neck. It felt soft to lie on top of the warm muscular body and he would have basked in it had it been any other situation. But with the fear paralyzing his body he couldn't concentrate, forgetting all about arousal and the wish to connect their lips.

_You need light._

“Fine,” Hoseok sighed and turned on a single white LED, covering the room in a faint light. “Better?”

Not much, but Hyungwon really didn't want to seem like a child, so he merely nodded and loosened his grip on the other man’s neck.

“You're like a monkey when the lights are off,” Hoseok chuckled and lifted his upper body from the sheets, taking him along.

_You kinda are._

Hyungwon played with his tongue piercing and shrugged in response, remaining attached even though he wasn't supposed to.

“Did you have your minute now?” he asked and tried to see more than the vague silhouette of the black-haired man's head. It was frustrating.

“You're still lying on top of me, so add another minute, but you seem fine, you can go ahead.” Hoseok’s warm fingers brushed a strand behind his ear. “I can light you the way. “ The older man giggled.

_Asshole._

It felt like Hoseok was making fun of him, just as expected.

_And that's why you never tell anybody._

Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip painfully and let his fingers travel over Hoseok’s arms and the surrounding areas until he found the remote, just pinching random buttons. He didn't give a shit why Hoseok wanted it to be dark and wasn't going to deal with it.

As soon as the room was covered in a disgusting but bright mixture of green and yellow he finally climbed off the other man and hurried to the bedroom door, closing it behind him.

He forced out a grin as soon as his eyes met Tae's who was happily downing another shot. The blonde man's tolerance was impressive, Hyungwon felt like he had enough for the night even though he wasn't even close to his limit.

_Making out with taken men is the limit, Hyungwon, definitely._

Making out with taken men that made fun of one's weaknesses.

_Asshole._

“Maybe I should just go home,” he muttered as soon as he reached Taehyung and let himself fall to the couch that he had spent most of his evening on.

“Why? The talking didn't help?” Tae looked surprised and let himself fall next to him, resting his legs on top of his thighs. “You promised to stay over, you can't just go home.”

“I did,” Hyungwon replied and sighed again. The weight on top of him was kinda nice, reassuring even. There was just something relaxing about Taehyung, the feeling that he could be himself. “He's just an asshole, Tae. I'm confused. He can be nice but then all this weird judgmental shit comes out. What the actual fuck? How d’ya deal with this?”

“I just know that it isn't true. We’ve known each other for such a long time that I know that it's his way of dealing with the outside world. You know there are people who experience shit and get empathetic, he just ended up thinking that if he had to take it others have to take it too and that it's nothing special. I saw him in so many situations, so I'm sure that he's not an asshole. But he does behave like one, I see that.” The blonde man put his head on his shoulder and sighed. “But he said you were his friend, I'm impressed.”

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the sudden memory of the black-haired man saying that they had talked like friends.

_Which apparently involved kissing intently while sitting on his lap._

“I guess I know what ya mean, but I think it doesn't really matter much what you think of yourself. Actions speak louder than words. I could also say that deep inside I care about you, but as long as I show absolutely nothing even remotely caring towards you it won't matter, will it?” Hyungwon covered his face with his palm and sucked his lip piercing into his mouth. “It's the first time he’s called me his friend, so I'm not sure he means that.”

“I see your point. If you go to his house next time, you have to open the wardrobe in the bedroom, on the left side, where the suits are. There's a helmet. I don't think he bought it for himself, but I also don't know if he'll give it to you because it'd mean that he cared. Either way, he's sensitive about that, so don't tell him that I told you.” Taehyung grinned and brushed his hair back, revealing the golden skin of his forehead. He was adorable somehow although the blonde was quite a bit older than him.

_Hoseok bought you a helmet?_

“But- I've been there, I mean- I've seen it and there was no helmet,” he muttered, still disbelieving that Hoseok would get him something like that.

_But you also haven't been there for two weeks because he hasn't contacted you._

Also, he couldn't see shit in the dark and standing in a wardrobe surrounded by blackness didn't really count then.

“You've been in his wardrobe? Why? Did you play hide and seek?” The other man lifted his hand and brushed a strand behind his ear. “You're so handsome, wow.”

_Hide and seek? Oh god._

Hyungwon successfully ignored that.

“Thank you,” he murmured instead and smiled. Compliments made him ridiculously happy, but unfortunately not enough to forget how Hoseok hid him from his boyfriend in a fucking wardrobe. “I'd rather not talk about it to be honest. I don't understand what the point of caring is if you don't show anybody. Why the hell would he buy it, if it just lies around?”

“Well, my family doesn't have much money. Well, no money. And Hoseok paid my class trip for me, creating a whole story about a scholarship and whatnot until I found out. I don't know, he's just like that. If you randomly find a helmet on your motorcycle it was probably him,” Tae chuckled and stared at him, leaning into his personal space. “But do you like him?”

_He can join your poverty club._

“Liking is very relative here. He's amazing when it comes to light and taking pictures, like he has a special eye for it.” Hyungwon instantly thought back to the way Hoseok had adjusted the lights and walked around him, taking pictures and even undressing himself. The atmosphere changed whenever the black-haired man decided for a different light arrangement. “But then he can also be a real dick and make fun of your weaknesses. I kinda want to grab a fistful of his hair and make him eat dirt right now. Or dick. I don't know.”

This whole thing was getting a little out of control, especially with how they kissed in Taehyung’s bedroom and argued right after. It was a mess and Hyungwon couldn't give less shits about the other man actually caring about him in secret as long as he hurt him on a daily basis by constantly getting defensive.

_Don't put yourself on a pedestal. You also hurt him by telling him to drink more and be more fun._

“You could try, then Hoseok might throw you around, it's fun.” Tae grinned past his face to the side.

“Why would I throw him around?” The black- haired man's low voice appeared next to him as the couch gave in under Hoseok's weight that settled down next to him on the other side. They were really crowding around him recently.

“For the hell of it,” Hyungwon replied with a shrug and was glad that Hoseok most likely didn't hear the previous part of their conversation. Something told him that the black-haired man wouldn't have taken that well.

The music was just as loud as before, but it was easier to talk on the couch, especially with Tae's legs on top of his thighs and the other man's face mere inches away from his own. Taehyung never really cared about distance and Hyungwon liked that somehow, it seemed more genuine.

“You do not expect me to sleep with you in one bed, do you? I'll have to tie you up otherwise.” Hoseok licked over his lips and crossed his muscular arms in front of his chest, before throwing a judgmental gaze towards a couple making out on the other end of the huge couch.

“Kinky,” Hyungwon remarked with a grin, pulling the syllables a little. He had no idea how much space Hoseok needed but tying someone up sounded rather excessive.

“You know what's kinky, Einstein? Getting kicked between your legs, full force, while you're trying to sleep, please feel free to experience it firsthand and I can have the couch for myself,” the black-haired man commented and looked as if he had won some kind of argument that wasn't there in the first place.

“Fuck, you're a dick puncher, Tae? Why didn't you warn me before offering to crash at your place?” Hyungwon asked, eyes wide and imagining the painful consequences of getting abused in his sleep. He didn't take up much space, but he really needed his sleep, a lot.

Well, unless he took pictures for sculptures because that had priority.

“Because you'll be sleeping on the bed with Hoseok. He just curls up like a baby and I’ll take the couch. I thought this through!” Suddenly the other man's eyes widened, and he stared at Hoseok who had a pink-haired guy sitting on his lap. “Oh fuck.”

_Where the hell did that guy suddenly come from?_

The muscular man tensed impossibly, uncrossing his arms and sucking in a breath while staring at the handsome dude who brushed a black strand of hair behind Hoseok's ear.

“Do I look like a chair to you? Are you blind or do you want to become blind? This is not some filthy neighborhood bus-stop resting area, so get lost,” Hoseok hissed while Tae was already jumping up and pulling the shocked pink-haired man from the other man's lap, whispering into his ear and pushing him away.

Holy shit, Hoseok was viscous.

“Calm your tits, he was probably just being affectionate,” Hyungwon remarked and curled his fingers around Taehyung’s wrist to keep him in place. “Don't be a dick, Hoseok.”

“What?” Something in Hoseok's face changed towards vulnerable before it cooled down so much that it was scary. “Ah, true, you can empathize because you also just sit on other people's laps while being ‘affectionate’ for the hell of it. Maybe you can bond over it,” the other man hissed and stood up, taking the gin bottle and disappeared in Tae’s bedroom.

_He's fucking slut-shaming you again._

“I'm going to kill him and you're not stopping me,” Hyungwon hissed and jumped up, clenching his fists at the desire to punch Hoseok in his pretty, pale face. He couldn't even give a single shit about the man with the nice biceps returning and throwing him a nonchalant grin. Fucking hell.

“Hoseok is really sensitive, he hates being touched, especially by strangers, it makes him really angry. That's why he never uses public transport,” Tae murmured but loosened the grip on his wrist.

“There is no fucking point in apologizing when he says something hurtful over and over again. I'm fucking tired of it,” he groaned and brushed his bangs away from his eyes. He couldn't fucking see. “I sit on his lap all the fucking time and it seems fine, even touching! What's his damn problem?”

“You what?” Taehyung screamed through the music, making a couple of people stare at them. “He lets you sit on his lap all the fucking time? Even touching? Listen, what's going on between you two? That's really weird, okay? Hoseok is weird and you're weird too, go and make up, it's confusing. You have to sleep in one bed after all.” Tae pushed him towards the bedroom while taking another shot from the guy with the thick biceps.

Hyungwon genuinely considered just getting laid instead of dealing with all this bullshit but letting Hoseok fuck off after basically calling him a slut again was like saying he was right. Which he definitely wasn't.

“I'm not sorry if he ends up dead because it's fucking justified,” he hissed and stalked over to the bedroom, ripping the door open and closing it behind himself, leaving the loud music behind.

The black haired man sat on the bed, cross legged and slid over the iPad with his index finger, looking up quickly but ignoring him right after.

_That fucker._

“Do you think you've done nothing wrong?” Hyungwon asked and genuinely wondered why they were constantly getting into these situations when he actually wanted to have fun, get wasted and optimally also get laid. His fingers slowly let go of the door handle, curling into fists.

“So, you think you did nothing wrong, you moral Jesus?” Hoseok asked and opened the gin bottle, emptying the rest in one go before throwing it to the side.

_Did he empty the whole rest of the bottle? Holy shit._

“Of course, I did, but I don't see what I did wrong this time. I wanted you to act like a decent human being for once instead of telling the poor guy that he was a worthless piece of shit indirectly. The same thing you just told me by the way. Why do you even bother if you think I'm a worthless human, Hoseok?” Hyungwon groaned and climbed on top of the bed, ripping the iPad from the black-haired man's hands and throwing it to the other side of the bed. His fingers grabbed the collar of Hoseok’s shirt and pulled him closer. “Look at me when I talk to you.”

The other man lifted his gaze, just like his right hand with the remote.

_He's threatening you, perfectly aware that you're terrified._

Shit, it hurt. It hurt to know that Hoseok was someone to use his fear like that.

“Why do you even care what I think about you? I don't want anyone on my lap and I don't want anyone to touch my hair. If you people think that it's fine to just do whatever because you don't think, then you have to deal with me saying things like that.” The black-haired man licked over his lips and stared back at him.

Hyungwon slapped him. It was sudden and not as thoughtless as he would have thought. For the first second he genuinely considered doing what he always did, telling Hoseok that he cared because they seemed to share something special, a connection with their interest in light. But he had done it every fucking time and still Hoseok repeatedly hinted at him just gifting affection to everybody for no reason. It hurt. It fucking hurt and it was a dick move.

His palm burned from the impact with Hoseok’s cheek and he felt strangely calm although the action hadn't solved anything.

“You’re a fucking asshole, Hoseok. An asshole for hurting me although you know exactly what it does, for pretending like we aren't close at all and don't share anything and for using my fear like that, threatening me with that remote in your hand.” The burning in his eyes was sudden, but he ignored it and pressed his lips together. “I fucking hate you.”

The other man stared at him, eyes huge and lips parted. Some time passed before Hoseok curled his hand around Hyungwon's collar and pulled him so forcefully that he basically clashed against the other man's muscular chest.

He gasped at the impact, air leaving his lungs involuntarily and eyes widening instantly at the expression on Hoseok’s face.

“You listen up, Hyungwon, what makes you think that your fear is more relevant than my fear? What makes you think it's okay to just judge by what you consider right behavior? You're doing the same fucking thing, you hypocrite, don't act as if you're the hurt one. That's exactly why I say that you're a fucking kid,” Hoseok hissed against his lips. He looked so different, a mixture between hurt and really, really scary.

“What's your fear, Hoseok? For me to see your face? To be touched? But- we touch all the time, I don't fucking understand. I just wanted you to be nicer to the poor guy instead of telling him he just jumps people like a fucking slut. It hurts, also when you tell me the same thing, repeatedly. I just don't get you,” he murmured, unable to speak as loudly as he had before, dark gaze taking most of his courage.

“I'm sensitive, I react. You know that damn well, so you use it, rolling your stupid hips into my body and touching my face and my hair, feeling almighty because you can see exactly what it does to me. How the hell is that any different? I don't want people to be close to me and to sit on my lap, why can't you respect that? Thinking only because you're allowed to do that, everybody else is too.” Hoseok bit down on his bottom lip and pressed the remote into his chest painfully. “Get lost.”

_But why are you different? He keeps saying how much of a child you are, uneducated and lazy._

Hyungwon stared, unable to act and overwhelmed by the hurt on the other man's face.

“I- I touched you because it felt unreal, I- fuck- I didn't know it's that bad for you. Why am I allowed to?” he whispered and felt how his hand shivered a little, holding onto the fabric of Hoseok’s shirt.

_You always touch him subconsciously._

There was a long pause before Hoseok let the remote fall on the sheets and his gaze turned so incredibly vulnerable. Staying like that for a few more moments, he suddenly turned his whole body away from him and didn't move, so that Hyungwon ended up looking at the other man's broad back.

_You hurt him._

“Hoseok?” he tried carefully and reached out, fingertips brushing over the black-haired man's shoulder. “Are you okay? I- I react too, I show my response on my face, it's not just you. That's why I get hurt when you tell me I do it all the time, abusing art to see people naked and get laid or whatever.”

“You told me that you fucking hate me. Just get lost, Hyungwon.” Hoseok's voice was just a whisper. It looked crazy because the other man was sitting right under the blue LED spot, creating fine shadows on his back.

He did, he had been emotional and told the black-haired man that he hated him, even though it wasn't true.

“I’m sorry, fuck- I'm sorry, Hoseok. I didn't mean it, I wouldn't be here talking to you if I hated you. I care too fucking much,” he whispered and reached out, circling Hoseok's waist with his arms and resting his head on the other man's back. “I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm doing the one thing I asked you not to do.”

“Why are you sorry? You told me that you hated me, you slapped me and now you should be smiling and drinking instead of sitting here and hugging me.” Hoseok's voice sounded strange.

_Why are you like this, Hyungwon?_

He didn't know. It just felt terrible, the way the muscular man turned away, attempting to keep his distance while telling him to leave. Hyungwon wanted the relaxed atmosphere to return, the pleasant talk about their interests and the heated kisses. There was something happening, and it felt like both of them had no control over it, constantly hurting the other without meaning to.

“Because I care,” he whispered and pressed himself as tightly as possible against Hoseok's back, inhaling his scent and intertwining his fingers over his toned stomach.

“You care? Don't be scared, I'll finish the studio for your friend and I’ll take your pictures, you don't have to do this, I keep my promises.” Hoseok's warm palm settled on top of his fingers, trying to loosen his grip, but the other man gave up after a second and stroked over his hand hesitantly.

“I'm not scared, not anymore. I care independently,” Hyungwon murmured and lifted up on his knees so that he could place a kiss against the pale skin of Hoseok's nape. It felt warm and intimate, something he shouldn't have been feeling. “Please forgive me.”

Suddenly the other man turned around, finally facing him. His eyes were reflecting the blue light, it looked beautiful.

“How can you just apologize like this? So genuinely?” Hoseok asked, propping himself up against his jeans-clad thighs.

“Because I made a mistake and I have no right to hurt you,” Hyungwon replied quietly and wasn't able to look away from the way Hoseok's eyes looked in the light. It was gorgeous, like a painting that he could have never recreated. It wasn't something he could do with a sculpture. “I apologize when I feel like I have done something wrong.”

_But still you didn't apologize for kissing him._

Because he didn't feel bad for doing it, not at all, rather the opposite.

Glancing at his long fingers, Hyungwon sucked the metal ring in his bottom lip into his mouth, turning it.

“I- I'm sorry for the things I've said. The things that hurt you. Actually, I'm really thankful that we can talk about lighting and photography and sculpting, I really enjoy it. It's not that I don't care. I don't know myself-" Hoseok chewed on his bottom lip and glanced to the side.

Hyungwon smiled at the sight, reaching out and stroking over the thick, black strands of the other man's hair. He was beautiful and seemed so genuine. It was almost like whiplash, wanting to kiss the other man in one second just to slap him in the next.

Now Hyungwon just wanted to hold him and make him feel better, to remove the expression of hurt and insecurity and turn it into a smile. He didn't know why he cared so much but he did, opening up to the black-haired man and wishing for him to open up in return. Even if Hyungwon was everything he looked down upon.

_Even if he dislikes everything else about you, he's the only one who genuinely loves your sculptures._

Hoseok was the first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 1st of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're supposed to be friends, Hoseok. This is not what friends do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

There had been reasons why he didn't like to befriend people. They caught onto his weaknesses very fast, just like onto the fact that he was willing to do a lot if he genuinely liked someone, emotionally and in terms of money. He didn't consider everyone bad or anything.

_You just don't like random people touching you._

He had sensitive skin. Really sensitive, everywhere on his body. It responded immediately and overwhelmed him sometimes, which had been the major reason for turning off the lights so often when Hyungwon and him were together. The other man tended to touch him a lot and it had been so overwhelming in addition to the emotional response he showed on his face. He blushed easily, and his mouth and eyes formed those emojis psychologists usually showed children to determine whether they were able to recognize a basic emotion.

_The worst._

He got slapped for the first time in years and it hurt so much even though Hyungwon had no strength whatsoever, but his skin burned like fire, pushing the tears to the surface. Hyungwon had also said that he hated him after kissing him so tenderly. The kiss had felt like a cloud of warmth enveloping him and he had tried so hard not to think about how Hyungwon pressed himself against his chest and licked over his lips with his pierced tongue, pushing his lower body right where it felt good.

_You have a boyfriend, Hoseok. And he knows it._

But Michal had also said cheating was having sex without a condom and transmitting STD. Hoseok still hadn't been able to forget his boyfriend’s face when he had said it.

_But you have to tell him that you kissed someone else._

It was strange, actually he was supposed to stop kissing said someone, but it felt unreal with how strange their friendship was.

_He became a friend as soon as you went into that stupid shop and bought the most safe and expensive helmet for no reason._

_You're friends._

_Friends._

“I have this huge blanket, but Hoseok just curls up, so you'll be able to have a lot of blanket for yourself. Take a picture for me, he looks like the cutest baby, just look at him!” Taehyung was drunk and jumped around in his ugly pants after abandoning his shirt an hour ago. His best friend curled his arms around his neck, placing a kiss on his cheek and stroking his hair. It felt weird, because Hyungwon was watching, but on the other hand they were kind of friends too.

_See, they both do it. You're just not used to Hyungwon. And you don't react to Tae._

He really hated his body for betraying him back when they had kissed in Taehyung's bedroom.

“Where are your pyjamas?” Tae looked at him with widened eyes before looking around.

_Oh no._

Shit. He had forgotten them at home because he didn't want to go in the first place.

“Well, then Hyungwon can have some Greek sculpture aesthetics minus the tiny dick. Take a picture of that too.” His best friend curled his fingers around the seam of his shirt, revealing his toned but pale stomach.

“Shut up and go to bed,” he murmured and glanced over to Hyungwon who had never had any trouble undressing whatsoever.

_How is he going to sleep in the dark?_

There was no way that Hoseok was going to leave the lights on, he wasn't able to fall asleep if there was even a tiny bit of light. Everything had to be dark. Darkness was calming.

Hyungwon seemed quite tipsy, but also tired, sitting on the edge of the bed and rolling up his shirt lazily while revealing his slim, tattooed arms and collarbones. He looked good. Really good. He wasn't as built as Michal, but Hoseok really liked the other man's slim, lean form.

“You're really nice for giving up your bed, Tae,” his new friend murmured and threw his shirt on the ground before standing up. He had seen the complex patterns on Hyungwon's skin before, but it was still fascinating to see them again. The other man’s stomach and part of his chest were some of the rare caramel-colored spots of his body. Sucking his lip piercing into his mouth, Hyungwon opened his jeans and slipped them down his legs, perfectly calm as usual when he undressed. The only difference was that he seemed less controlled, not bothering to prepare his muscles or calm his breathing. Leaving his underwear on, the blonde man turned towards Tae. “Do you have a small bedside light or something?”

“Yeah there,” Taehyung pointed at the side. “But Hoseok won't be able to sleep if you leave it on. Either way, good night.” His best friend performed some strange dance and left the bedroom, humming loudly.

“Well- seems as if we're incompatible,” he whispered and took off his shirt, folding it and placing it on a chair, just like his pants, remaining in tight Armani underwear. “Which side do you want?”

“I don't really care,” Hyungwon murmured next to him, visibly uncomfortable. “You can't fall asleep with the light on? Even if it's just a little bit?” The other man tensed a little and climbed on top of the bed, slipping under the blanket on the side that was closest to him.

“My eyes are very sensitive to light, I immediately know that it's there and can't sleep.” Hoseok crawled under the blanket on the other side and placed both hands under his head, glancing at the shadows on the ceiling. It was way too much light.

_But he will panic if you turn it off._

“Just- sleep and I'll turn it off when you're asleep, so you don't care anymore.” He moved his leg and brushed Hyungwon's thigh accidentally, almost having a heart attack.

The other didn't say anything, merely holding onto the blanket by curling his palms around the soft edge. After a few moments he could feel Hyungwon shift next to him, slip closer until he felt the careful touch of cool fingers on his chest, right above his nipple.

_He's even more touchy than Tae._

“I- tend to have insomnia, I wouldn't risk it, so-” the blonde boy began and Hoseok could see from the corner of his eye how he let his pierced tongue run over his lips. “I might be fine with the darkness if I can tell I'm not alone.”

“Ah, you mean the monkey hug,” he remembered and chuckled. It was kind of cute, how Hyungwon attached himself to his body as if he was a tree. “You have insomnia? I only have insomnia if it's not perfectly dark, which is why I normally don't stay over, but Tae has the equipment to reduce the light, so it's fine.” Hoseok shifted a little and removed one arm from under his head, curling it around Hyungwon's shoulders carefully.

“Don't laugh at me,” the blonde boy hissed before he reacted to the arm around his shoulders like to a direct invitation, curling his arms around Hoseok's waist and placing his head on top of his chest. Pulling his hips flush against his hipbone, Hyungwon threw one leg over him, weighing basically nothing.

_Wow, that escalated._

“You remind me of Tae.” He smiled and sunk his fingers into Hyungwon's long hair. Hoseok enjoyed the proximity so much that he didn't want to admit it. Hyungwon's fingers were so incredibly soft and light against his sensitive skin, just like other parts of the lean body that were attached to his. The naked skin made it so much more intense.

“I gotta admit that I don't know him all that well, but I did imagine him to be the touchy type. He hugged me naked after I took pictures of him, telling me how beautiful I am. That was kinda random,” Hyungwon remarked and just held on tighter, face stuck like glue to Hoseok's right pec muscle. “You can turn on the light- I mean off.”

_You can?_

Chuckling over Tae’s confusion, he grabbed the remote from the bedside table and turned off the lighting system, leaving them in relative darkness. He could still see silhouettes and Hyungwon's blonde hair on his chest. He didn't really know why, but he leaned in and kissed the top of the blonde man's head.

The darkness must have been absolute for the other man with how his nails dug into Hoseok's skin almost instantly until he realized and loosened his grip. He must have been terrified of the dark with how strongly he reacted.

“Can you hug me tighter?” Hyungwon murmured and curled his left leg around Hoseok so that he could hook it under his thigh, like he needed to prevent being separated.

_Tighter?_

Removing the other hand from under his head, he turned to the side and curled both arms around Hyungwon's thin waist, letting the other man's thigh slip between his legs.

_Just hope that he won't kick you._

“Is it okay like this? But please don't kick me,” he whispered against the other man's lips that were really close, due to the position. “You're really slim.”

“And you're really muscular,” Hyungwon whispered back, voice a little shaky. “I don't kick in my sleep, I'm basically dead once I manage to fall asleep.”

_Nice._

“I work out,” he murmured and glanced to the side, even though Hyungwon wasn’t able to see anything either way. “You should sleep. It's late.”

“I'm semi-trying,” the blonde boy replied quietly and curled his lean arms around Hoseok's neck instead of his waist, pressing their chests flush against each other. “You feel really good, almost as good as back then.”

_Since when are you okay with so much skin ship?_

_Since you're friends._

“Back then? Back when?” He tried to understand what Hyungwon was talking about, but the other man had a lot of shots. “You- feel nice too.”

“When we hugged naked in your apartment.” The reply was quiet, followed by the sensation of warm lips against his neck. “You feel really broad compared to me, it's kinda- yeah.”

_Isn't it mental that you don't know which time he's talking about? You're both weird._

“I am broad. What is ‘kinda yeah’? I'm surprised that you're not monkey-hugging me, but rather, I don't know- soft?” Hoseok shivered a little at the feeling of Hyungwon's lips against his skin. He could feel the piercing that felt a little cooler. It was interesting.

“I'm scared but there's something calming about you. I'm just being creepy and remembering what it felt like to kiss you. Your skin is really smooth to the touch, tender somehow.” The touch of plump lips returned, this time a little closer to his ear. “There is something about you that makes me forsake sleep all the time. If I attach myself to you, I'll use strength to stay attached and won't fall asleep. So, I'm just keeping my eyes closed while hoping I'll forget that it's dark.”

His body tensed, and he exhaled, remembering how it had felt to have Hyungwon's body on his lap and what it felt like to kiss him.

“Your lips felt nice,” he whispered and stroked over the blonde hair that was reflecting the minimal light. He really couldn't understand what made Hyungwon want to be this close even though they fought so much.

_But maybe that's how friends are._

“Do you want to feel them again, Hoseok?” Hyungwon whispered, letting his long fingers intertwine with Hoseok's hair and tugged just enough to make it obvious he wished to be closer. The blonde man lifted his left leg and stroked over Hoseok's thigh with his own, curling over his hip right after.

_You do._

“Would that make you less scared?” he asked and licked over his lips repeatedly.

There was no response with the only sound in the dark room being the sharp exhale that left Hyungwon's lips. Another warm kiss was placed right above Hoseok's collarbone before the blonde man leaned in so that their noses were touching. The beautiful boy's big eyes were shut tightly, as if to fight off the knowledge that they were surrounded by darkness. Each exhale caressed Hoseok's lips as fingers stroked over his hair and naked back, following the lines of his muscles as if they knew them by heart.

_This is intense._

It was a little scary how his body responded immediately, one arm curling tighter around Hyungwon's slim frame and pressing him closer against his naked skin he normally didn't let his own sheets touch, always wearing silk pajamas. He didn't breathe for a few seconds, letting the other man's scent sink in. Leaning in, he kissed the other man's small nose that was right in front of him.

The blonde man shivered a little at the touch, eyes remaining closed while his lips parted.

“Kiss me,” he whispered and licked over Hoseok's bottom lip carefully. The hotness of the plump mouth combined with the metal bud in his tongue.

_He'll be less scared._

Keeping the other man in place with his strong grip, Hoseok gave himself a few seconds to look at the silhouette of Hyungwon's facial features, how his piercing reflected some of the light that came from the outside. He looked beautiful, somehow.

He closed the distance after licking over his own mouth and connected their lips carefully, even though his body kept screaming at him to feel more. It felt so soft and relaxing, as if it was actually okay to be together, to hug half naked and to kiss.

It seemed as if the other man melted in his arms, body tension disappearing and making room for soft fingertips that travelled over his skin and plump lips that pressed against his, parting a little. Hyungwon inhaled through his nose as he attached his mouth to Hoseok's nose for a few second before kissing his lips and the curved corners of his mouth. It was intimate and pleasantly calm.

Hoseok sank his fingers into Hyungwon's blonde strands and leaned in further, feeling how the other man's lips succumbed to the pressure of his own. They were so incredibly soft. He licked over the boy’s pierced bottom lip, remembering what it felt like a few hours ago.

“Why does it feel so nice?” he murmured to himself while using his other hand to roam over Hyungwon's toned lower back.

“I don't know,” the blonde gasped and pushed his shoulder carefully until he returned to lying on his back with Hyungwon sitting on top of him, thighs on each side of his hips. The beautiful man leaned down and connected their mouths, licking over Hoseok's lips repeatedly while propping himself up on his elbows next to Hoseok's head. His eyes were still closed, not reflecting the minimal light as they could have.

He placed both hands on the other man's lean thighs and let them travel upwards, over his slim hips and waist, over his chest and prominent collarbones until he sunk them into Hyungwon's hair and parted the other man's plump lips with his tongue, to taste more.

The blonde man hissed, opening his mouth instantly and meeting his tongue like he had been waiting for it, lean thighs shivering a little at the contact. Hyungwon gasped into their open mouthed kiss, unable to touch him with how he used his arms to remain stable on top of him.

“You- fuck,” the other cursed and released a throaty hum.

It was interesting how Hyungwon's pierced tongue played with his own, sending shivers down his spine in addition to the other man's long body that had been pressing down on his lap. Hoseok had the possibility of touching the blonde man without restraint, so he did. His fingers danced over the other’s tattooed skin and brushed over his small nipples. He drew the gorgeous line from his neck to his shoulder and continued along his waist and his long thighs.

_This feels even more like taking drugs than before._

It really did, it seemed as if the sensations and intensity were on overdrive, forcing him to suck in air like he wasn't able to breathe the whole time.

“You feel so good,” he whispered into Hyungwon's mouth that was desperately searching for his own.

A low and quiet moan left the blonde man's lips at Hoseok's touches, sensitivity obvious with how his muscles contracted and lips parted even further. Hyungwon let his pierced tongue run over his lips, playing with the sensation and humming lowly whenever Hoseok brushed a spot he must have liked. His senses felt on fire until the younger man suddenly gasped and broke the kiss.

“We- we shouldn't, Hoseok, fuck,” he murmured with his eyes still squeezed shut and chest rising and falling rapidly.

_You're supposed to be friends, Hoseok. This is not what friends do. You're in a relationship._

He did write Michal, asking whether he was okay with him kissing a friend, but his boyfriend hadn’t replied even though he must've seen the message.

“I- I'm sorry, just- I'll just turn on the light and you try to fall asleep, I- I'll be fine.” He removed his hands from Hyungwon's beautiful body and clenched them into fists. His whole body was on fire, breaths leaving his parted lips repeatedly. Furthermore, he reacted and Hyungwon had been sitting on top of him, probably feeling uncomfortable about that. “Oh god, I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to-" He shifted his hips and exhaled sharply.

“It's okay,” Hyungwon murmured and dug his fingers into Hoseok's upper arms, probably remembering the lack of light again. “I'm the same, just- I don't even know. Could you hug me from behind and I'll try to sleep? Fuck- I'm sorry. I should know better.”

“I-" he started but cut himself off. He really didn't know what was worse, the fact that he was really obvious in his reaction, that Hyungwon would see it all if he turned on the light, or that the other man wanted to be spooned.

_You can't spoon him, Hoseok._

“You didn't do anything you should apologize for. I would really like to hug you, but- it'll be difficult.” Biting down on his lip, he grabbed Hyungwon by his thin waist and lifted him from his lap.

“I'm the same though, it's just- human I guess. We're not robots,” Hyungwon murmured, voice changing to a higher pitch as Hoseok reduced the contact between them. “Don't- I need the contact,” he gasped, hands reaching out blindly and holding onto his right arm. He seemed anxious. “Fuck, I'm really sorry but don't distance yourself, shit.”

_Just ignore it. He reacted too._

Hoseok turned the other man to the side and buried his face in his slim shoulder before curling his arms around his tiny waist while trying to keep at least a little distance between his obvious erection and Hyungwon's small butt.

“I won't. But I can also turn on the light if it's bad.”

“I wish I could burn one,” the blonde man murmured before curling up a little and burying his face in the pillow.

_He needs drugs? To sleep?_

He got dizzy all of a sudden, inhaling the scent of Hyungwon's skin. It took a while but eventually he could feel his senses leaving him as he drifted away from consciousness.

___

It was so warm and nice, as if he lay in his huge bathtub filled with pleasantly hot water, moving his limbs and relaxing his sore muscles. The smell was also nice; however, the beginning of a hangover was also making itself known. It was dark, but the tiny rays that came through the curtain were enough of an indication that it was morning already.

_You're at Taehyung's place, you stayed over after kissing and fighting and more inappropriate kissing with Hyungwon. Why are you like this, Hoseok? Are you twelve? You have a boyfriend and he's supposed to be a friend. A friend, Hoseok. Like Tae._

No-one could compare to Tae, but Hyungwon was someone he really liked talking to and who shared similar interests. And who rubbed his butt against his crotch, apparently.

Hoseok hissed and tried to put more distance between them, but Hyungwon had been holding both of Hoseok's arms around his body.

“Good morning,” he whispered in his hoarse morning voice.

The other man didn't reply, merely shifting some more and grumbling something incomprehensible. It seemed like he used Hoseok's arms to create a prison for himself, just crossing them over his slim body.

Hoseok would've turned on the light, but he had no possibility of doing it with his butt, so he leaned in and whispered into the other man's ear while blowing hot air into it.

“It's morning already, don't you plan on getting up?” His phone vibrated indicating a message and he really wanted to know whether it was the sculptor who Hoseok had sent the first arrangement to via e-mail the night before.

“Leave me alone, I need my beauty sleep,” Hyungwon murmured, still barely understandable and attempted to remove his face from the small, curled ear. “Also, your dick is like a tree. I like trees, they’re calming and nice to draw.”

_Oh god._

Enough was enough, he pulled his arms from under the other man's body and sat up on the bed, searching for the chair he had put his pants on. Finding them, he slipped them on, happy that they didn't show how he was feeling and threw the tight shirt over his head.

“Then get your stupid beauty sleep,” he murmured and turned on the LED spot right above the other man's head, illuminating his face in a cool white light.

“Fucker,” Hyungwon cursed and finally opened his eyes. His face was puffy somehow, cheeks and eyes bigger than usual, just like his lips that were simply humongous. The younger man blinked a few times. “What time is it even?”

“Daytime,” he answered while pulling out his phone to read the message. It wasn't the sculptor. It was Michal, telling him he didn't care. Hoseok should've been happy that his boyfriend didn't hate him for kissing another person, but it felt really bitter instead.

_He doesn't care._

Swallowing, he turned off the white LED and projected a yellowish light on the wall instead, covering the room in a pleasant atmosphere, like the sun was about to rise.

“You can sleep some more,” he whispered and walked out.

There was Taehyung lying on the couch while wearing trunks with fried chicken on them and eating green tea cookies. Like a pig.

“The good thing is that I definitely have blackmail material on you I won't let go of. When I said you'd curl up, I didn't mean around Hyungwon's half naked body, but fair enough. You must be really good friends, I didn't realize,” his best friend said and showed him his winning grin.

“Why aren't you hungover? Don't you need a new liver?” he asked instead, not able to cheer up after the stupid message. “I asked Michal whether it was okay,” he defended himself while pouring beans into the coffee machine and turning it on.

“He said it's okay? I thought he'd say that he doesn't give a single shit, which would've been the truth.”

_Ouch._

He stopped and stared at the slightly yellowish wall next to the coffee machine.

“He did? Well, at least he's consistent, and what did you ask? Whether you can spoon a hot, beautiful, half-naked person you have a crush on?” Taehyung stuffed a cookie into his mouth and stroked over his inner thigh for no reason.

_What crush?_

“Bullshit, he's a friend. I must have a crush on you too then because you also sit on my lap and also lie in bed with me as if I need pain,” he murmured and pressed the button, watching how the brown liquid dripped into the strange white cup with a slogan of female sanitary pads. He didn't know where Tae had gotten it and he was too afraid to ask.

“I'll just tell you that I took pictures and I formed my opinion. Also give him the stupid helmet already, he'll die before you decide.” His best friend danced over and stuffed a cookie into his mouth forcefully.

_What if he really dies?_

Steps sounded from the door.

“I hate everything and everybody and if I don't down a bucket of coffee in the next five minutes I might just fucking faint,” Hyungwon's familiar voice muttered behind them as the blonde man entered the kitchen, still only in his tight briefs. His hair was sticking up in various directions as he tried to fix it by brushing his fingers through it repeatedly. “It gets really cold in that room.”

“It's because your pillow is making coffee. Make a big one for him too, Hoseok, take responsibility.” Taehyung danced in the direction of the bathroom.

“You're awake. Sorry, I shouldn't have put the thousand lumen thing onto your face. I apologize,” he murmured and pulled his own cup from under the machine and put a huge, bowl-like one under it for Hyungwon.

“Don't you want to get dressed if you're cold?” Scanning Hyungwon's body from head to toe he smiled after reaching the big puffy eyes. “Your lips are huge, oh my god.”

“Shut up, I can't help it. After sleeping my face always looks like an overcooked omelet. Why do you think I'm single?” Hyungwon laughed and just sat down on the tiny kitchen table instead of a chair. “And it's fine, I kinda have to be productive today, so I'd probably hate myself for sleeping too long.”

“You look good though. I'll be productive today too, I'm going to my favorite marble place to get a cube because I'm _so_ going to buy another sculpture at the exhibition in a couple of days. You know, my favorite artist, Homme, he has prepared some new works. I heard from the gallery and I'm looking forward to it since I promised myself to buy only one even though I want to buy everything. And I'm going to put it on the marble cube.” Hoseok got all excited, gesturing with both hands and forgetting the coffee that was already prepared. “Ah, it will be the best, I can't wait.” Smiling brightly, he took the huge mug and held it for the other man to take.

“Thank you,” Hyungwon whispered. There was an unusual smile on his face, one that Hoseok hadn't seen yet or it simply looked different when the other man was sleepy. “I'm sure it'll be an amazing exhibition. Do you want to buy a marble piece?”

“I'd just buy everything if I could, but I really love his marble works. I'm so excited.” He smiled and got his own cup, taking a careful sip.

“Your friend does sculpting too, so you must be familiar, but those positions Homme portrays, I could look at them forever and still find something new about it, something I haven't seen before. Either way, it will be the best. What are you up to today? Want to come along to pick the marble? Or are you very busy? Do you have to work again?” Hoseok kept thinking about the fact that Hyungwon didn't wear a helmet. It was dangerous.

“Ehm, I actually just wanted to do some art today,” the blonde boy remarked and emptied about one quarter of his cup at once. “If you want to, I'd happily pick the block with you. Like- I'd really love to.”

“Awesome, let's drive by my place first, so I can take a quick shower and then we can go. You never showed me your art by the way.” Hoseok took another sip but tried to make it quicker.

“Ah, is sculpting what you bonded over? Hoseok really loves sculptures, now it makes sense.” Tae came into the living room wearing a bat onesie, which wasn’t the weirdest onesie he owned.

“Mhm and light. We're going to my place and then to pick marble. Are you visiting mom today? Kiss her from me. I'm so sorry I didn't go the last time. I'll go next week.” Hoseok smiled at his best friend knowingly and emptied the rest of his coffee before staring in the direction of the small dinner table Hyungwon was sitting on in his half-naked glory. “Should I bring you your clothes you threw across the room yesterday?”

“You make it sound like I ripped them off my body and fell into your arms or something, dramatic.” Hyungwon chuckled and crossed his legs, laughing even louder as soon as he saw Taehyung's attire. “You give so little shits, I love it.”

_That's kind of what happened though._

Jumping down from the small table the younger man brushed through his hair and made his way to the bedroom, getting his clothes himself and returning fully dressed.

“Can we cut down on the driving a little, so I can save some gasoline? That shit is expensive.”

“I'll take you by car and bring you back here. Or you can drive to my place and we go by car from there, as you like. Either way, let's go to not lose time.” He went over to Tae and hugged him tightly, getting a kiss on his cheek accompanied by some noise that was probably supposed to imitate a bat.

Hyungwon did something similar, giving the other man a tight hug and grinned before stepping out of the door.

“Let's meet at your place then,” he yelled as he climbed on his motorcycle and blew Hoseok a kiss. Such a kid.

Arriving at his place, he took a quick shower and packed Hyungwon into his red Genesis, driving off to the marble factory he had gotten his previous blocks from. It was really funny how different they looked. Hoseok wore a red button up shirt and black, tight chinos whereas Hyungwon looked like the twenty-year-old part time worker he was, black ripped jeans and some black shirt in addition to his way too long hair.

Walking into the factory, he was greeted by the owner who knew him since he had visited the place for his interior design projects. The other man threw Hyungwon a strange look but greeted him too.

“Look, there it is!” Hoseok exclaimed and gestured at the huge exhibition hall featuring every possible type of marble.

“Holy fuck,” the blonde cursed and looked around in awe. “Oh my god, this is amazing, I want all of this.” It was cute how he just ran from one block to the next, looking at them in detail and tracing the lines in a few cases or tapping them with his really long index finger.

“Which one do you like the most? I'm leaning towards the rose one because I love soft  contrast.” He walked around the cut out block but couldn't help noticing the lighting.

“A bluish color unless you compensate for color with light arrangement. Where do you want to put it and what's the maximal size?” Hyungwon seemed really interested, eyes turning even bigger than usual in fascination. It was cute.

“Well, depending on what it will be, either living room or bedroom. I prefer the bedroom because I love staring at it for ages and I can create the perfect light. But you're right, Homme mostly uses bluish marble even though the ones here are all pretty rose or white without a tone. I also don't want to separate the block from the work too much.”

Hyungwon nodded and let his fingers run over one with a very light bluish hue. It was only possible to tell that it wasn't white because a white one was standing next to it.

“Those are probably also for sculpting, aren't they?” he whispered suddenly, and it sounded so resigned.

“Sure, if you have the tools. Do you like sculpting too? Want to try? But you have to give it to me as a present if it turns out well.” Hoseok glanced at the block. It wasn't as pricey as the white ones. Pointing at it, he nodded at the owner who immediately wrote it down. “So which one would you take to put the sculpture on. I get the feeling that you have reasonable arguments.”

“Did you- just buy me a block of marble?” Hyungwon asked, shock obvious and lips remaining parted. It almost looked like his hands were shaking. “Like- you mean I can make a sculpture and give it to you? Oh god.”

He was a little shocked himself at how shocked Hyungwon was, just because he had bought him stone. Other people didn't even say thank you for birthday presents.

“Yes, and if you get stupid ideas like sculpting a tree dick I'm going to kill you with it.” He walked towards a white block, examining it intently. He pulled out a small flashlight out of his pocket and held it against the stone, over it and from the side.

“I won't,” Hyungwon whispered before pointing at a block a few rows further. “I like this one, the quality is good, and the color is so faint that it'll emphasize the paleness of the sculpture- if the sculpture is pale of course.”

He got interested and went over to repeat the same procedure again, getting overwhelmed by Hyungwon's eye for stone.

“Wow, I think from now on I'll only go with you to pick stuff like this.” Again, he pointed at the block and the owner wrote it down. “Amazing, then let's go home,” he commented and smiled brightly, happy that he was able to choose the perfect block thanks to Hyungwon.

“I'd love to come along,” Hyungwon said quietly and played with his fingers, fumbling which wasn't really like him. “How much is such a block?”

“A bit. But it's really beautiful, especially if one is able to create art out of it. So you can try it.” Hoseok pulled his credit card and paid for both blocks before walking towards the exit.

Hyungwon remained quiet as he followed him.

As soon as they left the showroom behind them and entered a small hallway, he felt lean arms curl around his neck, unexpectedly, the force with which the younger man slammed their bodies together forced air out of Hoseok's lungs.

“Fuck, thank you, thank you so fucking much, Hoseok. You have no idea how much this means to me,” the blonde man murmured into the skin of his neck, pitch a little different than usual. “I'm so fucking thankful, you don't even know me that well but still you- fuck. Thank you.”

He was completely shaken and at loss for words, his arms curled around Hyungwon's slim body automatically, hugging him tightly.

“I- it's fine, we talked a lot about things like this so- so I know that you create some kind of art too and if you want to try sculpting then I'd love to be of help somehow. And- and we saw each other naked and took very intimate pictures. You were right yesterday, I'll try not to act as if we're not close because I feel that we are, a little at least.” Hoseok kept making short pauses, not sure how to explain himself. It had always been a struggle. A big one.

“If you want to take pictures again with different lighting, just tell me, I'll come over and we can do it. You don't need to feel uncomfortable about it and avoid talking to me for two weeks,” Hyungwon replied quietly and pulled him even closer, basically stuck to his neck with how much strength he used. Strength that Hoseok hadn't even been sure the younger man possessed.

_You do, you want to._

“I do, it's complicated. And you don't need to let me take pictures only because I just bought stone. It's independent, if you want to I will, but you don't have to. And I didn't call for two weeks because I felt strange.” Hoseok just kept talking like an idiot because Hyungwon was being so genuine. He really liked being hugged like this. A lot.

“I want you to take pictures of me, it’s intense and feels like I can express everything that's on my mind through my body and your light. It's like having a second mouth, one that isn't limited by anything. It's empowering somehow.” Hyungwon spoke quickly, hands stroking over Hoseok's shoulders repeatedly. “Why did you feel strange?”

A man in a suit entered the hallway, walking past them and eyeing them with raised eyebrows and something vaguely resembling disgust.

_Like with Tae._

Hoseok knew how Tae got looked at and it made him a little angry.

“Because of how I felt. Let's go, I'll give you creme brulee and then you can go home and be as productive as you wanted.” He lifted his hand and took Hyungwon's long fingers, pulling the taller man behind him to the car.

_Because you felt like you shouldn't be feeling like this. Because it wasn't about light._

***

 

“Mom!” Hyungwon screamed through the tiny apartment as soon as he stepped foot into it. He threw his new sneakers into a random corner and just ripped the door to his mom's room open, too excited to remember his manners.

“What's going on? Did the magic finally happen?” his mom chuckled while sitting at her desk and examining a pink thing that could've been a vibrator.

“What the fuck, mom?” he asked with a laugh, amused that his mother would expect him to be that excited about sex. “You know sex doesn't get me all that excited.”

He threw himself on the bed which was located right next to the desk and threw his hands in the air, still not believing how he had managed to get this lucky.

“Do you remember how I told you about Hoseok? The architect who does my studio for me?” he asked excitedly and slowly began worrying that he did indeed sound like a teenager that had finally gotten laid.

“Yes, you said that he's an asshole, but that he's hot. What happened? He's not an asshole? He's not hot? What is it?” The pink thing started making noises before his mom finally managed to turn it off. “Oopsie, that thing sounds like a helicopter, sexy.”

“That's such a turn off, mom. Better get something quiet,” he commented and turned around so that he was leaning on his elbows and could see her face properly.

“He's hot, tends to act like an asshole because he doesn't know what to do but feels bad afterwards. I'm still not really sure how I feel about that and have no inhibitions, but that's not even the point!” He sat up again and grabbed her hand, pulling it away from the pink vibrator she was checking out.

“He went to a real marble place with me and I just got emotional about this really pretty bluish one and he- he just fucking bought it for me, mom! Just like that. Holy fucking shit why would anybody do this?” Hyungwon's heartbeat sped up at the memory alone, at the memory and the fact that it really happened. “I basically squished him in front of the hall cause I was so happy and then he bought me a random French caramel dessert that tasted like heaven. Some cream with brewl or whatever. Fuck my life.”

“Uuuh, he likes you, doesn't he? He must have very good taste. Did something happen between you? Didn't you say that he has a boyfriend?” She turned around and pulled her jeans-clad legs up, curling both arms around them. “But does he go around buying people things? I mean- it always depends on the context. But I'm really happy that you got the marble, can't wait to see what it's going to be.”

_You didn't tell her that he has a house full of your sculptures._

“He- he does have a boyfriend. I kinda hate him because- well there are a lot of reasons, some that Hoseok doesn't know of. Hoseok doesn't buy people things, but only if he likes them which is apparently rare. Actually, he is really sensitive and hates touching but it's okay if it's me, that's special, isn't it? Makes me feel special somehow.” Hyungwon covered his eyes with his palm and inhaled to stop being so embarrassing, at least a little. “He loves sculptures, mom and… his apartment is full of my sculptures, he bought them all. He doesn't know it's me though, I didn't want to tell him ‘cause he hated me so much. Now it would be awkward. But he bought me a block of marble and asked me to give him the result! Oh god, it needs to be perfect, fuck.”

“Wait, are you telling me that he's the one buying all your sculptures? And you didn't tell him that they're yours? What drama is this, Hyungwon? Oh god, it could've been so easy, like: ‘oh that sculpture is mine’, ‘oh yours?’, ‘Yeah, mine’, ‘amazing, you're doing a great job.’ But now it's super complicated. How close are you?” Her green eyes stared at him intently, while his mother brushed her blonde hair back.

She was really good at those stares that made you want to confess all of your sins instantly. Luckily Hyungwon had learned to resist, otherwise he would have gotten into quite some trouble over time.

“Define close,” he answered instead and brushed through his hair. “He says we're friends.”

_And actually, you want to punch him for that because friends don't hug naked and definitely don't make out._

“So, you're friends? Talking about sculptures and boy problems, taking pictures naked while you're worried about his boyfriend and he's buying you marble. Listen, I really don't understand males as a species sometimes, but even for that this story is a little off.” His mom looked to the side before grinning. “But his body does look okay, I wanted a USB stick, but I got the wrong one, so I saw my son and his muscular ‘friend’ in their birthday suits. I'm a little sorry.”

_Oh god._

“Holy shit, mom, why would you even continue looking after seeing the first pic. Any sane person would just pretend it never happened. Why are you like this?” he groaned, and face palmed, adding his second palm for effect right after. “It was really personal, he wouldn't have wanted you to see. I'm sculpting his pose from the pictures for the exhibition. I'm secretly hoping he buys it because I put so much work into it. It's my favorite piece.”

“You know, Hyungwon, maybe I'm not romantic enough, but other people just tell each other about their affection instead of buying marble as if it's nothing and making sculptures and hoping that the other person sees. Do you like him? Then tell him. He has a boyfriend? Then he has to determine what to do with it, if he likes you back.” She stood up and threw herself next to him, placing a kiss on his forehead. “You need a haircut. Go wash it, I'll cut it for you.”

Hyungwon really wished everything was as easy as a damn haircut.

_

 

The cup of coffee was warm in his hands, extra-large and unusual with how he never bought coffee outside because those assholes wanted way too much money for it. Just like with everything else.

Hyungwon still wasn't sure what was more unusual, sitting in a nice cafe in the middle of Prague with a nice cup of coffee in his hands, or having Kim Taehyung in front of him, dressed in pants that resembled his grandma's table cloth and a shirt that could have been a potato sack, if said potato sack had become independent and started its own colorful clothing line, mixing yellow, bright orange and purple.

_It makes him special._

“Thank you for taking the time,” he commented and glanced up, almost instantly feeling better because of how cheerful the blonde man always looked. It was almost infectious. “And for the coffee.”

“I designed a wall and got shit loads of money, please enjoy!” Tae grinned, happy about the gratitude. “So, what's going on between you two? Hoseok doesn't want to tell me,” he remarked and swung his cup so that Hyungwon had a semi heart attack that everything would land on his and the other man's shirt.

“Wait, you don't think I wanted to meet up to talk about him, did you?” he asked with wide eyes and hoped he didn't seem that desperate. He really wasn't. Sure, he was curious but there were also other things he wanted to know. “I didn't know that you design tapestry! That's pretty amazing, I'd love to see some.”

“I'll design you some, when you decide to spice up your room. Oh, how about you come by our office? You can come today, Hoseok is working on the lighting project and I can show you what we've done up until now!” Tae sounded excited and curled his long fingers around his hand. “Well, you could also not talk about Hoseok, but you must want to talk about Hoseok. All of my friends want to talk about Hoseok,” the blonde man commented, and his lips spread in a bright grin.

_What the fuck is wrong with you, Hyungwon? You sound like you're obsessed, fuck._

His fingers tightened around his cup and he chuckled to bridge the discomfort at the comment.

“I don't know if I should come by, doesn't he have to- you know, work? It'll just be annoying. I'm also interested in you as a person and I don't need to talk about Hoseok.” He leaned a little over the table to see Taehyung’s face better (because he was fucking blind but hated admitting to it) and reached for the blonde man's hand. He squeezed it once. “To be honest I would feel bad talking about him because it seems like that's your only purpose. It kinda makes me angry.”

“Noooo, you misunderstood, I love talking about Hoseok, because he's amazing. My friends just thirst after him, but I know that you're different, so you can talk about whatever you like. Oh look,” the low voice exclaimed, and Taehyung pulled out his phone, scrolling before pushing it into his face. It was a picture, of him and the black-haired man lying in Tae’s bed. Hoseok was hugging him from the back, lips touching his back and one knee between his legs. The other man's pale arms were curled around his slim body and the blanket pooled at their feet. “That's my favorite picture of Hoseok.”

_It's gorgeous, almost like both of you are different people._

“What- why? Aren't there like- I don't know, gorgeous pictures of him all by himself or with his boyfriend?” Hyungwon forced out, almost stammering with how surprised he was by the sight. They looked intimate in the picture, like lovers.

_But he's taken._

“All by himself he looks as if he wants to sell you a car and his boyfriend is trash. I'd never save a picture with his asshole face on it. I'm really giving everyone a chance, but there are just people- I can't handle, and he's that kind of person.” Suddenly Taehyung's expression turned hard which was so unusual for the normally cheerful man.

One might have thought that the blonde was mirroring his feelings.

“I hate him,” Hyungwon blurted out even though he shouldn't have. He wasn't one of Hoseok’s best friends who’d known him for years and just happened to join the party a few weeks ago. He couldn't just go around confessing his hate towards someone that Hoseok greatly cared about. He never had a proper conversation with Michal that went beyond ordering drinks and getting compliments for his looks. “Fuck, sorry, who am I to hate him? There’s gotta be something good if Hoseok likes him.”

_But didn't you see enough, Hyungwon?_

“It's- complicated. The thing is, they started dating when Michal moved to Prague and Hoseok showed him around, found him an apartment, even paid his rent for a couple of months, helped him to find a job to finance his studies and kept spending money and resources. You know I'm not a person who cares much about money, but actually Hoseok is, he does cut on stuff to actually do things he wants, it just might not seem like it because he seems like this snobby dude. Sure, he is kinda snobby- I got distracted. Ah yeah, the asshole. So, they hung around lots, so I had the pleasure of meeting him a lot because it was important for Hoseok that we got along. The thing is, he was and is just using him. He had been using him from the start. As soon as he had everything, about half a year after they started dating there had been no more staying over and meeting up often, only ‘pay for my drinks’ and ‘fuck me, but only when I want it’. And Hoseok is just blind, he is someone who gets attached a lot if someone gets close enough, so he feels bad constantly. Do you know what happened when you stayed over? This fool wrote Michal asking him whether it was okay to kiss a friend. He didn't tell me, but I saw it on his phone and as he didn't kiss me it must've been you. Either way- that shit head just answered that he didn't care.” Taehyung's eyes narrowed, and he looked really, really angry.

Hyungwon felt strange, like he was the keeper of some ridiculous secret that he didn't know whether he was allowed to share. It wasn't even the secret of someone he cared about, rather the opposite. How close did one have to be to be involved in their feelings and issues? He didn't fucking know, and he was much more involved than he had intended to be before.

“We did kiss,” he whispered and took another gulp of his medium hot coffee, giving himself more time to think. “And I know that Michal uses him, he semi-forces him into sex, makes a scene if Hoseok is unwilling, calls his interests boring bullshit and scratches him up like a fucking cat tree.” His knuckles turned white from how he held onto his cup as the words left his lips. The thought alone made him furious.

_Because you're not just a bystander anymore._

“Do they- do they have an open relationship or something?”

“What? Open? I can't say anything because I didn't see it for myself, but in my opinion it's open on one side without the other side getting the message. Shit, I really want him to dump him so badly. You know, I’ve known Hoseok for over 20 years and he's that kind of person who throws you a judgmental look if you have a pierced face and sit there waiting for a bus but will wear turtlenecks to work to not upset his best friend, who hates it when he has scratch marks. He's really sensitive- it's bad.” Taehyung's lower lip started trembling and he gulped half of his coffee down. “But I'm not him and I can't do anything besides blackmailing him, so he at least does something else. He got this apartment because he wanted to move in together with this trash human, who said he didn't want to. Just because. He didn't feel like it. Not that I'm complaining, it's just that he was so sad.”

Hyungwon really wanted to hug the blonde man because of how his face changed at the memory alone. It seemed like Tae was very sensitive when it came to his best friend’s emotions. Fuck, even Hyungwon wanted to choke Michal and he wasn't really violent, usually.

The pressure and knowledge kept pulling at his tongue, like it was convincing him to say it, to share it or at least contribute similar information.

_Don't upset him even further by giving him proof that that piece of shit cheats._

“He hid me from Michal, in his wardrobe,” he said instead because it seemed more positive, even though it was still fucking ridiculous.

_Because there must have been something to it for him to decide to hide it._

“He did what?” Tae looked at him and he saw coffee running from the blonde man's lips back into the cup. Hyungwon winced at the sight.

_Just tell him, he knows Hoseok better._

“He hid me from Michal. They had sex and I visited in the night because I forgot my phone and I was looking for it in the bedroom. Hoseok heard Michal, panicked and hid me in his wardrobe until that piece of shit left. Not like it was hard to make him leave though.”

“I don't know what's worse, that you had to experience hiding in a wardrobe or that Hoseok must've felt guilty towards that piece of shit.” Tae wiped his mouth and sighed. “He still didn't give you the helmet, did he?”

Hyungwon shook his head. He had actually expected Hoseok to after the whole thing with the marble block and the dessert, but he had been wrong.

“That wasn't the first time he hid me from Michal though. The first time I was naked on his bed when the guy came over and Hoseok lied to him.” He wasn't sure why he was telling Tae all this, but probably because the other seemed like he wouldn't make fun of him. Hyungwon hadn't even shared those parts of the story with his mom and that was pretty rare. Only when his big eyes returned from his coffee cup to the blonde man's face, he realized that he hadn't explained why the fuck he was naked in Hoseok’s bed.

_You weren't quite sure yourself, back then._

“You what? How did you end up naked in- never mind, I know how people end up naked in beds, I don't understand why he still doesn't want to leave him if you both went there already, and I mean- Hoseok is hesitant, but he still seems to like you?” The blonde man brushed back his bangs and emptied his coffee.

“Tae, wait-" Hyungwon exclaimed, waving with his hands to get the other man's attention. “We didn't fuck or anything. I do posing for art, like you did for me. I did it in his bedroom and he took the pictures with that amazing light of his. That's why I was naked, there was nothing else to it.”

_That was a lie._

It was, but Hyungwon decided not to elaborate further. It just seemed calmer like this. He had already said enough to last him a lifetime. The situation with Hoseok was complicated enough, changing his behavior and his reactions. His feelings were a fucking mess.

“Well, considering the fact that Hoseok had given me a monologue at the lighting factory on you two hugging and kissing naked, I don't think this is true. But I mean, sure, whatever you say. He also told me that he had basically thrown Michal out and I hoped he'd just dump Hoseok because he's bored, but he didn't.” The other man sighed and took Hyungwon's cup, taking a sip.

Taehyung knew way more then he let on, those big eyes weren't big for nothing.

Hyungwon nodded again without an elaborate response and groaned before burying his face in his palms.

“It's a fucking mess, my feelings are a mess and he makes me hate him so often, fuck my life. I should just do art instead,” he hissed.

Tae started laughing with his mouth open.

“That's what Hoseok said over the past couple of weeks. That he should work and not care and think about unnecessary things. You're both like a television drama.” Suddenly Taehyung leaned into his personal space. “You can be his friend if you like him and you can try something different if you both agree on it, but don't make him attached and fuck off. That's not okay.”

“I'm not an asshole, Tae,” Hyungwon murmured and looked up from his outstretched arms. The owner of the cafe gave him a strange look, but he couldn't give less shits. “It should actually be really easy for me, he's cool, I like him, I love what he can do with light and we can be friends. He's taken, and I'm not really interested in a steady relationship until I'm more stable financially, that's also all reasonable. But then there is all that other stuff that happens, and that's what makes it a mess. It's not black and white. It's the color of your fucking shirt.”

Something gave him this strange feeling that Taehyung wanted him to save Hoseok from his horrible boyfriend and give him something better. Hyungwon liked himself, a lot, and he loved what he was able to do and his sculptures, but apart from his skills everything screamed that he wasn't the right person for someone like Hoseok. That was just how it was. He didn't dress nicely, he sat around on door steps smoking joints if he felt like it, he got piss drunk when he didn't want to deal with shit for a night and he worked nonstop because he couldn't afford to buy sneakers otherwise. The list of things Hoseok disliked about him was long, including his tattoos and piercings which he liked the most.

“I don't think I'm what he needs, Tae.”

“I see your point. You're not some gay Jesus and I don't expect you to be. The only thing I can say is that since Hoseok meets up with you so often I like his behavior even more than I usually do. He's more caring, more tolerant, he apologizes for things he does wrong. It seems as if it stimulates him to be a better person and I like it. If he thinks you're not the right person then so be it and if you think he's too snobby, assholish or whatever, sure, no need to defend your decisions.” The other man smiled softly before his expression turned nasty. “But it doesn't look like it, you know?”

Kim Taehyung was a snake, a sweet and loving snake, but still a snake.

“Things aren't always what they look like,” he replied with a shrug and couldn't help a chuckle at the realization that everything Tae had mentioned as improvements were just basic signs of decency. The longer they talked about the black-haired man the more Hyungwon wished to see him and his work space, catch him off guard, see if he still acted the same way or whether he was just creating something in his head while not seeing him. It wouldn't have been the first time.

_Just fucking go there already, he said it himself, you're friends._

“Just show me your office,” he commented and emptied the rest of his coffee.

Tae’s face lit up when they walked along the busy streets of Prague, talking about school times and previous hookups until they finally reached the fancy building where the architecture bureau was located.

They were like two different sides of a coin and Hyungwon happened to be the dirty one.

“So, Hoseok is probably testing out lights in the simulation room, or he's working at his desk, let's see what will happen.” The other man opened the door with his transponder and walked into the mostly transparent space. There was a glass meeting room, a closed room with a light bulb sign and a huge open space with two desks and a lot of Flip Charts in addition to a huge drawing table, most definitely for Tae. Hoseok was not at one of the tables, so the cheerful man marched towards the room with the light bulb.

Opening the door a little, Tae pushed his head through the door crack. Hyungwon couldn't help feeling out of place, just standing around at the side.

“Here you are.”

“Ah you're back, look at this! Remember when we went to the light factory, I bought those prism LEDs. God, it'll look amazing in the sculpting place, I've been trying this out for the past hour and it's just amazing, I need to show Hyungwon too, or should I wait till I have everything ready?” Hoseok's low voice came out of the room without him seeing what the other man had been actually doing.

“You can show him,” Taehyung exclaimed and opened the door so that Hyungwon could see the black-haired man sitting on the ground under an especially bright LED and throwing shadows on the perfectly white floor. The whole room was white, and the ceiling was covered in different types of lights and bulbs.

“So that's what your work looks like,” Hyungwon remarked and couldn't hide the amazement on his face. The shadows were stunning, and he instantly wished to see more of them. There was also something fascinating to the way Hoseok was sitting on the ground and the expression on his face. He seemed genuinely happy with what he was doing, like the black-haired man enjoyed every second of the process. “Can I come in?”

“Oh! I didn't know you were coming. Sure, come in and that's not how my work looks, me working normally means drawing stuff in 3DS MAX all the time, not as fascinating to be honest. Either way, as you're here now, these LEDs are very strong, and you can enhance daylight in a natural way, I think it'll be amazing.” The black-haired dimmed the light a little and stood up. “How are you?”

The last question caught him off guard and he barely resisted mentioning his sculpture for the exhibition. It was killing him, especially the ass.

“The usual, sleep-deprived,” Hyungwon replied and entered the room, taking a proper look at the way the light could be adjusted. It looked really nice, especially from the color and pattern. “I love these lights. Since marble reflects a lot it can be difficult to see the single lines but like this it seems to give enough brightness. I love it.”

“Ah, as expected, that's what I thought too. I hope he'll like it too. I keep sending him all the concepts and detailed information, but he never answers, so I thought maybe he's not happy with it?” Hoseok glanced in Taehyung's direction. “And I have this artsy light related idea, but I suck at artsy, so you can help me.” The blonde man nodded immediately. “But you can't tell him, I want to show it when it's done,” Hoseok murmured and gestured towards him.

Hyungwon just wanted to facepalm at his own stupidity. He should have known better than to ignore emails because he thought he knew everything already even though he pretended to be someone else.

_You're being so fucking obvious._

“He loves it, a lot. He's just kind of drowning in new work,” he replied and hoped that Hoseok didn't feel upset or like it wasn't good enough because it was everything and more. “It's perfect, trust me.”

“Mhm, I do.” Hoseok smiled and turned off the main lights while leaving one on. “You drank coffee just now right? Because I wanted to make myself one.”

“There is _never_ too much coffee,” Hyungwon replied and added emphasis for dramatic effect, grinning at the beautiful, bright smile on Hoseok’s face. It was nice to see, so different from all those times they argued. “I hope I'm not keeping you guys from working though, I just wanted to see what it's like when you have a job that is actually paid properly.”

“Ahhhahh, then you have to go to those dudes who pay us. They're the ones with the money,” Tae commented and gestured towards Hoseok. “He's the one who gets us clients, I just draw. I would just draw for free probably.”

Hyungwon nodded at that. He had also started out with giving small figures for free until he couldn't because of material costs. There was a limit to what one could afford with minimal salary.

“Well, I guess you're right about that because you work independently. I’m still thankful you accepted my- the project I'm responsible for even though it's not the right amount of money.”

“I told you it was Tae. He gives me the things I actually like doing. It'll be perfect.” Hoseok pulled his coffee cup from under the machine and took a sip. “The marble is ready for pickup by the way, you have to tell me your address, the stuff is heavy, and you'll definitely not be able to take it by motorcycle.”

_Usually you just ask Kihyun or Melissa for help._

Hyungwon still couldn't believe that Hoseok had really gifted him a block of premium marble, giving him the chance to create something for the older man.

_Let him take pictures the way he likes and take that, it'll have meaning._

“Sure, I'll send you a message with the address, it's a little off. Actually, do you remember our conversation when we just met and got drinks together? You told me that you live on the westside, well, for me it's the east, a little shady and post-world war but affordable.” Hyungwon shrugged again and took out his phone to give Hoseok the address of the university dorm he was using for sculpting. “Thank you so much again. I'm really happy. I'll make you something nice.”

Hoseok nodded while Taehyung stared at them as if they were penguins in the zoo.

“You're weirdos,” he commented and walked over to Hoseok, whispering something into the other man's ear before the black-haired man smiled and did the same for about a minute without Hyungwon knowing what the hell they were talking about.

It felt weird, like he didn't quite belong in the whole conversation or like it could have been about him, something secretive and unpleasant.

“Mind sharing?” he commented. Staying quiet and feeling bad just wasn't like him.

“I can't share because Hoseok told me not to.” The blonde grinned and went to one of the big shelves, pulling out different paper and ink pens.

It was about the project.

“I'll show you later, if you like. When it's finished. I wanted to get something from home, if you want to I can drop you off.” Hoseok slipped into his suit jacket and grabbed his car keys from the white desk.

“I would love to say yes, but then you'd also have to take me to work again in the evening and that's a little too much. I'm with my motorcycle, so I'm mobile.” He grinned and did the gesture of starting the motor. “And about the artsy fartsy stuff, can't wait to see the finished thing.”

Hoseok smiled and pulled his phone out of his pocket and held it against his ear.

“Oh, you didn't call me. Today? I mean- yeah, why not.” The black-haired man waved them goodbye with a strange facial expression and left. Just like that.

“I think I'll just kill him one day, so that I don't have to get angry every time.” Tae threw his head back and groaned.

“What the fuck just happened?” Hyungwon asked, disbelief remaining on his face as Hoseok had just ignored what he had said and disappeared, without saying goodbye. A small ball of discomfort in his chest told him that even if he’d said yes, Hoseok might have reacted the same way, ditching him for a person that couldn't give less shits even if he tried.

“Well, what do you think? The asshole called and said that he had time and wanted to come over and Hoseok said yes even though I'm not sure whether he was happy about it. But he's an adult, he needs to decide for himself. It just sucks.” Tae stared at the ceiling for a couple of seconds before glancing at him.

“He smiled though,” Hyungwon murmured and curled and uncurled his fingers. It felt empty somehow. “I guess he was happy then.”

“He smiled at you, you fool,” the other man murmured while shaking his head in disbelief.

_At you?_

Hyungwon's eyes widened because Hoseok smiling at him made even less sense.

“Why the fuck would he just leave like that then? He didn't even say goodbye, asshole,” he hissed and chewed on his cheek, angry about Hoseok just ditching him like that for a heartless sex-addict. “If I had said yes, would he leave too?”

“Try it out, then you'll know.” Tae’s right mouth corner lifted up before his long fingers grabbed the ink pen and started drawing patterns.

_Maybe you should._

Or maybe he also shouldn't because it was like forcing Hoseok to choose between him and his actual boyfriend and even if his boyfriend was an asshole that was just a dick move. He didn't want to pressure Hoseok more than he already was.

For a brief moment Hyungwon considered faking a sushi order, but that would have been even more pointlessly dramatic.

_What are you, a teenager striving for attention?_

“I want to go there and punch them both,” he murmured with clenched teeth and tried to calm down and think of the fact that Hoseok had smiled at him. But it didn't help at all.

_Because he still left to meet him._

“Try it out. Let's see if Hoseok lets you, if he lets you punch him then you're not any less relevant than his scratching boyfriend. He's really sensitive, so you might get punched and let me tell you it hurts. A lot. Really. Did you see those arms?” The blonde man let out a sigh and shook his head as if remembering something unpleasant. Taehyung was so expressive, maybe that was also why Hoseok was friends with him, the two of them had that in common, showing everything on their pretty faces without delay.

“I slapped him,” Hyungwon replied calmly and remembered why he was not going to go there and slap the other man. He was going to wait until they met again and tell him straight to his face that he had been an asshole without making him uncomfortable in front of his boyfriend. Because he was a good person, opposed to that selfish, cheating dickhead. It felt frustrating, like there was nothing that he could do because he wasn't involved, not really.

“You're alive, so I don't quite believe that, but sure, whatever you say. Drink your coffee.” Tae winked at him and continued drawing.

It was unfair, unfair that Hoseok just came running at the call of somebody who didn't give a flying fuck about him but felt too scared to call Hyungwon for two whole weeks.

_Although you haven't done anything bad to him, definitely not like this._

It didn't make any sense, he was getting involved in something he shouldn't have, only getting hurt in the end. Or left standing in a fucking office because someone else had called. He was suddenly part of a triad he hadn't signed up for, getting upset at a lack of attention and the other man's priorities for no reason.

_But what makes you think that you deserve to have him stay and take you along?_

Because it seemed like they were sharing something special, no matter what they called it.

_You're not friends, Hyungwon, you're not._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 3rd of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The only thing I know is that we’re definitely not friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

The sweat dried slowly on his pale skin while he waited for the tall, handsome man to come out of the shower so that he could wash up too. He let his own warm fingers glide over the red lines that made his skin uneven because of the swelling, he hissed at the slight pain.

_You probably should put on cream, like Hyungwon did it for you last time._

Hating himself a little for his own thoughts, he put one hand behind his head and looked down on himself. His skin was very pale and smooth apart from the red spots Michal had left while burying his nails into it.

He stroked over his chest with his eyes closed, remembering how tender and sensual Hyungwon's touches were, not comparable to the sensation that his hand was able to create and also not comparable to the rough treatment of his boyfriend's hands.

_He is a friend. You're not supposed to think about him touching you._

But if Hyungwon was a friend, why did he want to be close so badly? Was it similar to the way Tae felt while being a touchy person? Was he also touchy and therefore wanted to hug the other man's slim body and smell the scent of his skin? Was that the reason for wanting to lick over Hyungwon's plump, pierced lips and melt in the feeling of them giving up under the pressure of his own mouth pressing against them?

_It's not friendship, it's just your own greed. He told you that you shouldn't be doing it._

Too bad that he still remembered how Hyungwon tasted and how his pierced tongue played with his own, licking into his mouth so desperately. Hoseok could still feel the golden, smooth skin under his fingertips, how the lean muscles of his thighs contracted when Hoseok touched and kissed him.

“Fuck,” he cursed at himself.

 “Since when do you curse? But it makes you seem like more fun, so please continue, it's kinda hot,” Michal commented, eyeing his body while licking his lips.

“Don't know, I have this friend who curses a lot, I guess it's contagious.” Hoseok sat up and picked up the bathrobe from the chair, wrapping it around his naked body.

“Oh, so did you fuck this friend of yours? The one you were asking about?” His boyfriend slipped into his clothes as if he hadn't just asked whether Hoseok had sex with someone else.

“What? Why would you ask something like that? Of course, I didn't. I'm in a relationship with you, why would I have sex with someone else? That's cheating. That's why I asked about the kiss,” he murmured and stared at Michal in disbelief.

“That's not really cheating, I'm okay if you have some fun on the side, I mean, you're still having sex with me and we go out once in a while.” The other man didn't seem as if he was joking. Hoseok felt like vomiting.

“But how is it not cheating? How are you different from the person I’d be sleeping with? It's not special anymore, I’d hate it so much if you would be going around and sleeping with other people. There would be no point for me because I want to be close to you and I can't open up if I know that for you it doesn't matter whether it's me or someone else,” he whispered and bit down on his lower lip.

“Well, I think you're too conservative here, you also don't need to open up if you don't feel like it. I mean, it's not as if we're a sixty-year-old married couple, we're independent people who just have a thing for each other.”

Hoseok wanted to choke him.

_A thing. He has a thing for you._

“Have you slept with others during the time we’ve been dating?” he asked and clenched his fists, feeling dread spread all over his body at the thought alone, making a fool out of him for trusting another person so much.

“Uh, of course not! I just meant in general, it's my opinion, you can kiss and have sex with whoever you like, I don't really care, just be there for me,” Michal commented and grinned before leaning in and licking into his mouth. It was supposed to be hot, but it somehow wasn't. Not at all.

The door finally closed, and he stayed back. After taking a long shower, he glanced at his watch that indicated that it was 1AM, which meant that Hyungwon was probably still working at the bar nearby. Hoseok really wanted to see the blonde boy, to see him smile once and say something funny in his low, nasal voice.

_You can go see his face once, drink something tasty and go home._

He picked a black button up with polka dots and dark blue, ripped jeans. One of the pairs he had gotten at the Versace shop Hyungwon worked at. They looked surprisingly good on his thighs and butt, even though he had been doubting it while buying them. Styling his bangs a little in a beach look, he slapped his cheeks once for color and left his apartment.

Arriving at the bar, he spotted Hyungwon who was wearing a similar shirt, only from H&M and not D&G probably.

_Well, that's awkward._

The blonde man poured some blue alcohol into a big glass while moving his hips to the music. He looked good and his new haircut looked really nice too.

Hoseok sat down across the bar counter and knocked on the wood after seeing that Hyungwon was done with what he had been doing.

“Hey. Do you think you could mix me something that lifts my mood and makes me forget any major disappointment?” he asked and smiled, resting his chin on both palms.

Hyungwon's face lit up like a Christmas tree at the sight of his face, smile bright and eyes forming into crescents until he apparently registered Hoseok’s words.

“Of course, I could, the question is, do you want to forget or just feel better,” he commented and grabbed an elongated cocktail glass from the shelf. Licking over his lips once, he rested his elbows on the counter and looked at Hoseok’s face intently. “What major disappointment?”

He didn't plan on talking to Hyungwon about it, but he was the only person who he was close to and who didn't hate Michal.

“Ah, I'm just a little disappointed at Michal’s attitude.” Hoseok left out the fact that his boyfriend had asked whether he had slept with Hyungwon. “He said I can sleep with other people and he doesn't care, and I really don't understand. I asked him whether he did so himself, because I was really scared, but he said he didn't, but that I could. Don't know, it just makes me disappointed somehow because I would definitely care, it's hard for me to understand.” He ruffled his hair a little and sighed.

Something changed in Hyungwon's facial expression as he pressed his upper lip onto the lower lip so forcefully that both turned into a thin line, so unlike their usual form.

“Have you guys- talked about faithfulness before?” the blonde asked eventually and brushed through his shorter hair. Some of the original black color was visible at the hairline.

“We did, when we started dating I told him that it's hard for me to open up if I don't feel safe and this feeling should definitely be based on mutual trust and that he should tell me if I'm not doing enough to give him everything he needs.” He sighed again, remembering their talk and how Michal told him that he would always be enough and that he didn't need anybody besides him. “Well, he said I don't have to open up if I don't want to. Ah, I don't know. I don't want to ruin your mood, you danced so cutely.” He smiled at the other man.

“It was sexy and smooth, okay?” Hyungwon replied and grinned, swaying his hips once. A gesture from one of the waitresses must have reminded him that he was actually supposed to mix drinks as the blonde boy pouted a little and leaned back, resuming his work on Hoseok’s cocktail. “Don't worry about me, you're not ruining my mood, I'm actually really happy you came. I'll spoil you with something good.”

Hyungwon was fast, pouring various liquids, syrups and juices into the tall glass and finishing it up with ice, cream and a little bit of mint. He mixed a mojito right after, which he gave to one of the waitresses while making his way towards Hoseok with the special mix. He seemed deep in thought.

“You know,” he began and leaned over the counter, closing the distance between them to make their conversation more private. He smelled a little like cinnamon. “I think he is wrong on this one. It's nice that he is open and possibly considers an open relationship, not wanting to restrict you, but I think the fact that you guys talked about it beforehand makes it different. You basically told him you don't open up if you can't trust and he told you that you don't need to trust him. That's just- wrong. If you have feelings for each other you should be trusting each other and him saying he doesn't need your trust is just hurtful. Are you okay?”

Hyungwon summing it up hurt. A lot.

“I guess.” Hoseok closed his lips around the red straw and took a sip of the tasty mixture. It was really good and enveloped him in warmth as soon as it reached his stomach. “This is really good.”

“I call it the ‘Mood Bomb’,” Hyungwon remarked with a bright smile and winked at him. “It makes ya feel good, inside and out.” He could feel the blonde boy’s eyes on him until a cool palm landed on the back of his hand, stroking along it once before squeezing it.

“You know, Hoseok, maybe you should tell him? Tell him that it's hurtful because you consider trust really important in a relationship. Do you- do you trust him?”

“But he knows. And he knows that I trust him because he says those hurtful things sometimes, but it's still okay because I know that I can trust him.” He looked down on himself to check whether the scratches were visible. “I let him do a lot of things I normally wouldn't be okay with, so he certainly knows. I just don't know if it's any good for him, but that's another story.” Taking another sip, he licked the rest of the tasty mixture from his lips.

“You say that you trust him, but why would him saying hurtful things mean that he knows you do? Do you think he trusts you?” Hyungwon seemed a little restless with how his fingers tightened their grip on the back of Hoseok’s hand. His eyes had visibly followed Hoseok’s motion as he checked the scratches on his chest. The blonde boy must have seen them. “Listen up, Hoseok, I just feel that as your boyfriend he should also care about you and your feelings, right? If something hurts you or you’re visibly upset about something such as open relationships and him not needing your trust, shouldn't he respond to that?”

_He should. But he doesn't and that's just how it is._

“He thinks that I'm conservative. That's why he doesn't understand.” He glanced to the side and rubbed the fingers of his free hand together from the nervousness caused by Hyungwon's proximity and straightforward questions.

“You know, I have a polyamorous friend and that's really not conservative, but they try to pay attention to what the other cares about and wishes for, even for several people at once and that's even more complex than for one person. So, I just think that it has nothing to do with being conservative or not, it's just about showing that you care or not.” The blonde slowly slipped his fingers in between the spaces of his own, intertwining them. “I would hug you, but I remember that you feel uncomfortable with PDA. Is this okay?”

_What's PDA?_

Hoseok really wanted a hug.

He nodded and glanced into his glass, stroking over the other man's hand with his thumb.

“Thinking about it I might also be a touchy person, deep on the inside,” he murmured and grinned, taking a gulp of his delicious cocktail.

“What do you mean? You suddenly want a hug?” Hyungwon asked and smiled, leaning a little further over the counter.

“What? I- I mean in general, it's just that I don't have many friends, I'm touchy with Tae too and you- with you too, so I guess I must be touchy. Just not towards people I don't know well enough.” He lifted his gaze and watched Hyungwon's face intently. He had a really beautiful smile, complimented by his really big eyes. “I forgot to tell you because I left without saying goodbye today, but your new haircut looks really good on you. And I can see your eyes instead of hair.”

Hyungwon chuckled and squeezed his hand once more.

“My mom did a great job, she has mad skills at basically everything,” the blonde boy remarked and smiled brightly. “I don't mind touching at all, so feel free. My life basically consisted of sharing a one person bed for years, so yeah.”

“Your mom? Ah, you told me that you live together, right? Your dad too?” Hoseok stared at their intertwined fingers before letting go and curling his hand around his glass. “Tell me if I keep you from working.”

“They'll tell me,” Hyungwon remarked and gestured towards one of the waitresses that seemed to be giving him lifted eyebrows and winks. “And, well, nah, it's just my mom.”

_Maybe they're divorced._

“I moved out when I was 18. My parents are living in the south-west. I've been living by myself for twelve years now so I'm not that close to my parents,” he said, emptying the rest of the cocktail. “When are you working until today?”

Hyungwon seemed lost in thought as he let go of Hoseok’s hand reluctantly and turned to mix another cocktail, replying while he did so.

“I've never moved out, not enough money for that. I shared a bed with my mom for years. Your parents must be loaded,” he muttered and squeezed a lemon into a broad glass, some of the liquid ran down his fingers and dripped on the ground. The blonde boy rolled his eyes and grabbed a tissue, wiping it. “I'm off in one hour unless I have to clean the floor.”

“Want to get sushi delivery at my place?” he asked and poked the ice cubes in his glass with his straw without looking up.

He could feel Hyungwon's eyes on his face until the cool fingers returned to his hand, brushing over it tenderly.

“I'd love to, Hoseok.”

His heartbeat raced for no reason and he looked up, smiling at the blonde man.

“Awesome, then you can finish up and come over and I'll order, so that it arrives when you're done.” Squeezing Hyungwon's big hand, he pulled out a bill and put it on the bar counter, winking at the other man before leaving.

The night air felt nice, really fresh and the ten minute walk helped him get a little less tipsy than he was after emptying Hyungwon's creation.

He ordered directly after arriving home and left his clothes on instead of changing into his pyjamas like he normally did. Pouring himself a glass of white wine, he sat down on the big leather couch and crossed his legs.

It was really strange how much Hyungwon cared about him, to the extent of giving relationship advice and listening to him whining about it even though he had no reason to.

_Maybe he just wants you to deal with it._

It was bullshit, especially with how the blonde boy empathized with him, blaming Michal for not caring about him. He really wanted the hug the other man had offered him back at the bar.

After emptying half of his glass, the doorbell rang, and he got the delivery, spreading the sushi on a big plate and preparing chopsticks because he still wasn't a pig even if Hyungwon was. After he arranged the last piece and reached for his wineglass, the doorbell rang again, and he sprinted over, making funny sounds with his naked feet on the wooden floor.

“You must be so tired,” he murmured after opening the door and gesturing for Hyungwon to come in. The blonde walked in and pulled his sneakers off his feet, throwing them in a random direction.

“Nah, I'm okay, I didn't work this morning, so I'm great,” Hyungwon remarked and chuckled while glancing at his naked feet. “You sounded a little like a duck, it's cute. Also, where are the fab pyjamas?”

“I wanted to spare you the sight. If I'm a duck, then you're a chopstick.” He stuck out his tongue towards Hyungwon and walked in the direction of the living room where he had prepared the food. “Want some wine?”

“Honestly, yeah, especially after smelling premium alcohol the whole night,” the other man said, lifting an eyebrow at Hoseok’s antics. Once he entered the living room, his eyes widened comically. “How much do you think I can eat? You just said yourself that I'm a chopstick. Holy fucking shit. Or is it for your superior muscle mass?”

“Yeah, you need to grow some or you'll get blown away.” Getting a glass, he poured some white wine for Hyungwon too, and handed it to the blonde man before sitting down on the couch and picking up his own. “Here, I even prepared chopsticks for you to see if you can use them.”

“Listen, based on what you called me I gotta be a fucking expert at this shit,” Hyungwon murmured and grabbed a gigantic nigiri with his chopsticks, stuffing it into his mouth and covering more than half of the poor wood. It looked funny with how huge it was and how his cheeks bulged at the amount of food. “Also, I tried to get muscular, but that's just not me, nothing happens.” Hoseok barely understood what he was saying and almost cringed at how the blonde boy just used the wine to help him swallow the half-chewed mass of sushi.

“Oh my god, your mouth is huge, it's like a black hole,” he muttered in shock and couldn't help staring at the other man's huge lips, moving around the food.

Suddenly Hyungwon swallowed everything down and grinned, tongue licking over his lips quickly, showing off the small metal bud.

“Both of us got something huge, ya know,” he purred before laughing loudly.

_What?_

Hoseok really hoped that Hyungwon didn't mean what he thought he meant, but the other man's nasty grin destroyed his hopes and he felt his face burn. Especially at the combination.

Grabbing his glass, he emptied it and went to the bottle to get a refill.

“You're mental,” he murmured and returned, taking one maki and carefully putting it into his mouth.

“Since when are sexual innuendos mental?” the blonde man asked and laughed again, emptying his glass of wine and holding it out for Hoseok to refill. “Are you feeling better?”

“Mhm? What do you mean?” He handed Hyungwon the refilled glass and left the bottle on the table.

“Well, you seemed a little down before, so now I'm hoping that my cocktail rocked your fuckin’ socks,” the blonde said with a smile and crossed his legs, smelling his wine glass like he was copying a movie instead of actually enjoying its scent.

“You look like a monkey in front of the mirror.” Hoseok laughed out loud and pulled his legs up, crossing them on the couch. “Yes, your cocktail was tasty and it's cool that you came over.”

“Yeah, you gotta praise me more instead of callin’ me a monkey,” Hyungwon exclaimed and furrowed his eyebrows, taking a big gulp of his wine. “You resemble a bunny when you eat, moving your mouth all over the place, but I'm not sayin’ anythin’, or am I? The corners of your mouth are a fuckin’ kink.”

Hoseok did resemble a bunny because his mouth was rather flexible.

“I'm praising you all the time!” Hoseok exclaimed and made his eyes big and moved his lips from right to left quickly before stretching out his tongue.

_Why are you so childish? Gosh._

“Oh god,” Hyungwon exclaimed, eyes turning humongous as he almost choked on his wine, attempting to breathe through his nose. “Holy fucking shit, your mouth. What the fuck?”

The other coughed a few times until he finally recovered, tiny drops remaining stuck to his eyelashes at the effort. As if the blonde boy wanted to keep himself from saying more, he grabbed another nigiri with his fingers and stuffed it between his lips, licking the involved digits right after.

“Did you see your mouth? It's also huge, like your lips. I don't think you should be making fun of mine in your situation,” he commented and brushed his hair back before taking a sip of his wine. “And you have spit on your eyes.” He reached for the other man's face and waited until Hyungwon closed his eyes, to brush over his long lashes. “You pig,” he whispered.

The blonde boy looked up, meeting his gaze and staring for a few extended seconds until he grinned a little.

“You know, I usually get a lot of good feedback for my lips,” he whispered and smacked his lips once before pouting on purpose, showing off their fullness and bright red color.

Enough was enough and Hoseok lifted his hand, placing his flat palm against Hyungwon's face, covering most of it, and took another sip of his wine.

“Yes, whatever,” he commented and acted nonchalant, swirling the wine in his glass.

“So much for praising me, you liar,” Hyungwon complained before simply licking over his palm, all the way from the bottom to the top. The blonde boy used his shock, curling his ridiculously long fingers around his wrist and keeping it in place as he closed his lips around Hoseok’s middle and index finger, sucking once for no fucking reason. Smacking his lips one last time, the other finally let go, smiling in triumph.

_Oh god._

He stared at his palm before staring at Hyungwon and feeling the burn in his face once again.

“You're crazy,” he pressed out before wiping his hand on his jeans and trying to glance to the side. He didn't have a mirror, but he knew exactly what he looked like.

There was nothing for a while apart from Hyungwon's slow breaths until the same long fingers curled around his thigh, squeezing a little.

“This is random, but- do you want that hug now?”

Hyungwon was definitely crazy, or drunk, or both, but he really wanted the hug. Exhaling sharply and closing his eyes for a few moments, he turned and stretched out his arms while staring into the other man's big eyes.

There was something vulnerable to them that made no sense whatsoever, it shouldn't have been there. Hyungwon blinked slowly, pulling his lips into his mouth and reached out, curling his arms around Hoseok’s neck. There was still distance between them because of their position on the couch, but the blonde man seemed to wish to reduce it, pushing his chest against Hoseok’s desperately and exhaling against the skin of his neck.

Hoseok just pulled Hyungwon's slim body against his, using the strength in his arms, until their bodies touched.

“Thank you for caring so much, really,” he whispered into the other man's ear.

“You hurt me a little today,” Hyungwon whispered back, inhaling sharply and lifting his thigh to place it on top of Hoseok’s lap, enabling him to be closer.

_You hurt him?_

“I did? What did I do?” he asked while stroking over the other man's hair slowly.

“It's-" Hyungwon stopped again and pressed his face further into Hoseok’s shoulder, pulling his thigh up until he was able to place it on the right side next to Hoseok’s, climbing up the rest of the way into his lap. “It was kind of dickish to just fuck off in the middle of talking to me just because you got a call, don't you think? I didn’t even really say no or anything. You didn't even say bye.”

_It was when Michal called. You asked him to come by your place and he asked you something. You don't even know what he asked. Why do you behave like this towards him, he literally didn't do anything bad to you?_

“Shit. I- I'm so sorry, I thought you said you had to work or something and I just went. I really didn't mean to, I even thought about you when I was home and it's not that I don't care, not at all,” he tried to explain while his other hand roamed over the other man's back.

“I get that, Tae also said that your head just turned off, but I mean- why? Why did you react like that? I said that you could drive me home, but that I have to work later, and you'd have to drive me a second time,” Hyungwon replied and sighed, air warming up his skin. “Instead you came home, got scratched up and hurt. I hate this.” Holding onto his shoulders, the blonde man leaned back and looked at him.

_He's like Tae, he hates it too._

“I'm sorry, I should've worn a turtleneck.” He bit down on his lower lip, asking himself whether telling Hyungwon about his relationship problems had been a good idea.

The other man's eyes widened.

“What, no! It's fine, Hoseok. It's up to you and I actually don't blame you for it, I guess I just got hurt about being ignored. It doesn't really matter why you left, I just got sad that you left without saying goodbye. Your time is yours to distribute and if you like Michal, then please feel free to be with him. I'm not the one stopping you.” The blonde man was sucking his lower lip into his mouth, rolling the ring piercing repeatedly.

“But this is bullshit, I would've loved to drive you, I just- I don't even know. I really like spending time with you, I also think about you and I actually just went to the bar to see your face.” Hoseok glanced to the side. “Either way, I'm sorry for ignoring you. I really didn't do it because I think that you aren't important or something.”

“It's okay, it's important to talk about stuff like this, that's why I mentioned it,” Hyungwon whispered and smiled, brushing through Hoseok’s hair affectionately. It seemed so intimate with how the blonde man was sitting on top of him, faces only a few centimeters apart. “Thank you for coming to see me at the bar and inviting me over, really.”

“But why are you so different?” Hoseok murmured, looking at the curve of Hyungwon's shoulder and neck, golden color spreading over his collarbones and cheeks. He closed his eyes at the sensation of the other man's fingers stroking over his hair so tenderly. It was so different from everything he knew.

“Do I act strange towards you?” the other man's low voice asked as the tender touch disappeared even though Hoseok didn't want it to. Hyungwon climbed off his lap and showed him a small smile, not quite reaching his eyes. “Let's take care of those scratches, Hoseok. Gotta take care of the old ones if you want new ones to be possible later.”

“Why did you leave?” he murmured, missing the touch and the warmth of Hyungwon's body. “You don't act strange; your touch just feels extraordinarily nice.”

“Oh,” the blonde man muttered and chewed on his cheek a little. “I thought you might consider it weird, ha ha funny me.” He laughed shortly and brushed through his hair. “But I think I'll feel better if we smear something that prevents infections on that broad chest of yours, Hoseok.”

Hyungwon stretched out his hand, probably to help Hoseok get off the couch. He really didn't know why he was being like this, but he just grabbed the big palm and pulled Hyungwon so that the other man fell on top of him. He started laughing like an idiot because the other man could've been blown away by wind at this point.

“You're like a paper doll.” He grinned.

“Oh, shut up, not my fault for having genetics like this. Maybe you have gorillas in your family tree, those fuckers are bulky,” the blonde exclaimed and tried to peel himself off Hoseok’s chest that he was plastered against. It was really funny somehow. Curling his arms back around Hoseok’s neck, Hyungwon grinned a little. “So, you want me to stay in place, oh big muscular man?”

“It just feels really nice, but you are free to leave,” Hoseok commented, lifting both hands in the air and smiling. “You know where the cream is, don't you?”

“Yep, be right back,” the blonde man exclaimed with a grin and climbed off, emptying his glass of wine on the way. It didn't take long for him to return, small tube of cream in his hand. Still smiling a little, he gestured for Hoseok to unbutton his shirt while climbing right back onto his lap. “Or you want me to do it myself?”

“Why? You want to take off my shirt?” He grinned even though it was stupid as Hyungwon had seen him shirtless more than once.

“Always,” the blonde man remarked and licked over his lips slowly as he reached out for the first button of his shirt, not waiting for a reply. Opening the first button with ease, he continued with the next one. Even when all of the scratches were revealed Hyungwon didn’t stop, letting the last button leave its loop. Inhaling slowly the blonde glanced up, big eyes focusing on Hoseok’s face. “It looks pretty bad, doesn’t it hurt?”

He was so busy looking at Hyungwon's face while the other man's long fingers unbuttoned his shirt, that he almost missed the question.

“It does hurt, my skin is very sensitive. To everything.”

_Does Hyungwon also scratch during sex?_

He almost choked at his own thought and felt hotness burning along his neck and cheeks.

“You- do you do stuff like that too?” he asked while glancing at the other man's lip piercing.

“What? Scratch people up during sex?” Hyungwon asked, visibly occupied with taking care of Hoseok’s chest with how he sucked his lip piercing into his mouth and applied generous amounts to the especially bad ones. Only when he had done most of the work he looked up, big eyes focused on his face. “Listen up, Hoseok, I might leave tiny red lines when I’m really into it with my blunt nails, but I definitely don't treat my lovers like a cat tree. Some people really love the pain, so I apply a bit more pressure if that’s the case but personally I only do it when I’m gone as fuck and can’t express myself with my mouth, which, for the record, never happens.”

“I didn't say that you do it, how would I know, we never- yeah, so I just asked. I don't like pain.” Watching how Hyungwon's fingertips applied cream onto his chest, he couldn't help but compare it to the way his boyfriend touched him. He liked Hyungwon's touches more.

“I don’t really like it either unless it’s paired with some crazy-ass pleasure, which no-one can really provide, so nah, not my thing. I do like to play by myself though or hold my breath,” the blonde man elaborated like he was talking about which brand of wine he preferred. Although Hyungwon probably didn’t know much about wine judging by how he drank it like water. The blonde boy finished up and put the cream on the small table. “Maybe you should tell your boyfriend that you don’t like pain then.”

“He knows. He just can't help it, he said it's- well that it’s because of how it feels for him when I- so, either way- he knows.” He grabbed his wineglass and emptied the rest in one go.

“He loses his shit or what? What the hell do you do to him for him to go all crazy cat on you?” Hyungwon asked, eyebrows rising in wonder. Hoseok could feel how the familiar touch of Hyungwon’s fingers returned to his chest as they stroked over his pecs and brushed over his nipples lightly before curling around his shoulders.

He hissed at the touch but gathered his resources to stay calm.

“Yeah. I just- I just have sex with him. Don't you ‘lose your shit’ when you have sex?” He placed one of his hands flat on Hyungwon's thigh.

“Well, I’m a rather controlled individual,” Hyungwon murmured and licked over his lips again. “I tend to be aware of what’s going on and what I’m doing. I don’t think I’d ever go crazy enough to scratch someone beyond what they are comfortable with. You know, with one-night stands there needs to be a lot of consent and settling boundaries ‘cause you don’t know the person all that well. It’s key.”

_So, he has a lot of one-night stands. He must really be experienced._

“You're controlled? I see, to be honest I didn't think of you as especially controlled, kissing and then slapping me and all that,” Hoseok commented with a raised eyebrow, judging the other man.

He must have hit a nerve.

“Shut the fuck up, Hoseok. My one-night-stands don’t argue with me.” Hyungwon pursed his lips and climbed off his lap, pouring some more wine into his glass that he drank like water. “You’re just riling me up, not fucking me, so how the fuck would you know what I’m like?”

“So, you like it easy? Without fights and for your one-night stands to just do what you say? That's not how it works,” Hoseok replied, pouring the rest of the wine into his glass and doing the same.

“What? You think I have one-night stands to have it easy?” Hyungwon looked furious. “I just can’t fucking afford to have a boyfriend because I have nothing to offer, you piece of shit. I struggle enough without you telling me that I’m a shit person in every context you can find, _great_ that you found sex too. Fucking thank you.”

Groaning in frustration, Hyungwon jumped up from the couch, almost losing balance. The blonde man must have been drunk with how he staggered to the hallway.

_What? You didn't tell him that he was shit. It's actually the opposite._

“I never told you that you're a shit person, you fool! Why wouldn't you have anything to offer, you're handsome and talented and you can recognize good marble while looking at it once, you work a lot and you have a really beautiful body and your touch is really tender, like air,” he shouted as he walked after him and grabbed his hand.

“You're just so fucking stupid,” Hoseok groaned while throwing his head back.

“I’m not fucking stupid,” Hyungwon hissed at him, standing in the middle of the hallway, failing to slip into his sneakers and looking so helpless, eyes big and lips pressed together. “You need money to date, Hoseok. You need to go places, drink coffee, buy presents when it’s their birthday. All these things are just part of it even if no one talks about them. And the problem is that I can’t fucking afford it. I have neither money nor time; my schedule is shit and on top of everything you blame me for fucking around even though I struggle with that as well.”

“I never blamed you, you idiot, gosh, why do you always make everything so complicated? You can't even put your shoes on.” Hoseok kicked them to the side and grabbed Hyungwon's body, throwing it over his shoulder and bridging the few steps towards the living room. He threw him on top of the couch and leaned over, pinning his slim shoulders between his stretched out arms.

“You just need someone who pays for you, I didn't get even one birthday present until now, so you see, people can date like that too. And you are stupid because you keep thinking that I consider you a bad person. I don't, I actually really like you.”

Hyungwon’s eyes took up most of the space on his face in addition to his parted, full lips as the blonde man stared at him.

“You’re the stupid one for thinking not getting anything in return is okay,” he whispered and sucked his bottom lip into his mouth, glancing to the side at Hoseok’s arm. “I don’t want to date someone because they are rich, I want to date them because I love them. I don’t care if they’re rich and I don’t want to care. It’s wrong.”

All of a sudden Hyungwon turned back towards him, focused on his face and reached out with his palms, cupping his face.

“Fuck, but I like you too,” the beautiful boy whispered and just lifted his upper body a little, pressing his lips to Hoseok’s for a few seconds. It was just a brief touch, light like air.

His breath got stuck in his lungs for a short moment until Hyungwon leaned back.

_He kissed you._

Hoseok licked over his lips and stared at Hyungwon's big eyes and his red, plump lips, parting to release a soft exhale, which was absolutely enough for him to know what he wanted.

_Him. You want him._

***

 

Hyungwon didn’t know why it always happened, why Hoseok and him were like a potent mixture of strange decisions that always ended up with one of them being hurt. He didn’t want to be hurt, he really didn’t, but it felt like he had gone way beyond that point already.

_You care too much to not be hurt._

He had been genuine, telling the other man that he preferred not to date because he just wasn’t stable enough to do so yet, be it money-wise, apartment-wise, time-wise or in general. One-night stands were the better choice to get off steam without disappointing anybody, including himself. In addition, he was difficult to please, even if he didn’t mean to be.

_But of course, he just blames you for it, taking the easy way out._

Hyungwon was fucking furious, jumping off the couch only to almost fall over with how his vision blurred and his legs gave out.

_You’re drunk, idiot._

He had no idea how he had managed to get drunk off wine, but it also didn't matter. He had to get out of there before he said or did something stupid. Staggering to the hallway, he looked for his sneakers, attempting to slip into them while holding onto the wall. It didn’t fucking work.

Warm fingers around his wrist pulled his attention back to the black-haired man, looking exasperated and throwing a bucket of compliments at him, finishing off by calling him stupid. Of course, how could he say nice things without telling him that he sucked right after, that was only something decent people did.

_Just tell him, so he can fucking understand._

Hyungwon explained it, telling Hoseok how he was the stupid one for letting his boyfriend treat him like shit, not buying him presents all the while believing that’s how it had to be. Why the hell did the other man have to be okay with it? He should have dumped that asshole long ago, bask in his own single-ness and find himself someone good, someone who cared about his feelings and could give him something in return. Fuck.

“I never blamed you, you idiot, gosh, why do you always make everything so complicated? You can't even put your shoes on,” Hoseok called out and kicked his shoes to the side, not allowing him to slip into them as the ground suddenly disappeared from under his feet. The black-haired man had just carelessly thrown him over his shoulder, making him dizzy until he felt the soft leather of the couch under himself, two muscular arms pinning him down on each side of his head. Hyungwon couldn’t help but stare at how close he was.

_Why are you like this?_

Hoseok was speaking, lips moving quickly and telling him that he just needed to get a fucking sugar daddy to not have to pay for anything, using the person shamelessly. It was simply fucked up until the older man told him that he really liked him, just like that, after calling him stupid and pinning him to the couch.

_Why can’t he just decide which one it is?_

Why did Hoseok always have to push back and forth, push and pull despite being taken, only to let himself be treated like shit? It was so fucking frustrating and Hyungwon could do absolutely nothing about it, not without risking Hoseok getting upset and not talking to him anymore. Just like with his best friend who he hid his issues from.

He looked away before replying to not be too overwhelmed by the sudden words and told the black-haired man that he didn’t want someone rich. That wasn’t the fucking point at all. He wanted something entirely different.

Something he couldn’t have.

Inhaling sharply and licking over his lips once, he turned back, staring at those pretty, almost black eyes and the way the corners of Hoseok’s mouth curled upwards. He wanted to touch them, stroke over the lines with his fingers before touching them with his lips, to feel the same warmth and dizziness he had the first time.

He reached out, cupping the beautiful man’s face with his palms, thumb brushing over the pale cheek. Sucking in another deep breath, he rose from the couch and pressed his lips to the warm, curved ones.

It was breathtaking, a touch that lasted only for a few seconds but was enough to make his heart beat furiously in his chest. His lips tingled from the brief contact alone, face heating up and hands remaining on the pale face.

Hoseok’s eyes widened and he stared for a few moments that seemed to last forever before leaning in and just clashing their lips together. Hyungwon gasped into the kiss, instantly curling his arms around the other man’s broad neck instead of cupping his face. He pulled him close and parted his lips to allow the kiss to deepen. The older man still had his shirt unbuttoned, warmth seeping through the thin fabric of Hyungwon’s t-shirt like it wasn’t there in the first place. He wanted it to be gone.

The sensations were difficult to explain, it felt like something valuable, a touch he couldn’t have just like that.

“I-” he began by whispering into Hoseok’s mouth, thinking about how to explain himself, but there was no point. He couldn’t have done it anyway, not without knowing the answer himself.

“You-" Hoseok gasped but licked into his mouth instead while the other man's muscular arms still pinned him to the couch, his shirt hanging loosely on his shoulders.

Talking was pointless, so he gave up on it. Instead, he attempted to lift his body up a little and be closer, kissing the other man’s curved lips tenderly, licking over their soft texture and remembering the way it felt. His arms tightened further, and he used his right hand to sink his fingers into the silky black hair, stroking along it while massaging the other man’s head a little. It felt so fucking intimate even though it shouldn’t have.

_It’s not about what it shouldn’t feel like, but about what you shouldn’t be doing._

Hyungwon couldn’t stop, not with the way Hoseok tasted like white wine, fruity and warm, fitting to the burning sensation of the muscular chest pressed to his own.

Strong arms curled around his waist and Hoseok lifted him, letting himself fall onto the couch and pulling him on top of his lap. Soft lips immediately attached to his, travelling along his bottom lip, his jaw and sucking on the skin of his neck. Hoseok's hot breaths were hitting the sensitive spot behind his ear while his hands travelled along his lower back and his spine, drawing it with his fingers.

It felt so fucking good, reminding Hyungwon of how rarely he had the pleasure of being touched, especially like that. It seemed so tender, like there was no ulterior motive, no wish to undress and be inside of him, but just the desire to touch him, to be close. Hyungwon felt the same, letting his fingers run over Hoseok’s defined chest and the way there was a small dip at his solar plexus, sliding down along the black-haired man’s abdominal muscles. His body was shaking slightly at the feeling of lips against his neck, showing how sensitive he actually was. He wanted to take off his shirt, to feel Hoseok’s hands on his naked skin but it might have been a little too much, especially with how low his inhibitions were, vision blurring once in a while.

Hoseok reacted instantly, hissing and exhaling roughly at every touch of his fingers and every single kiss. The other man's gorgeous lips kissed along the line of his neck and his collarbones, softly breathing out against his slightly moist skin.

“You smell so good,” Hoseok whispered between kisses.

“I could say the same about you,” he gasped in response, unable to remain unaffected and breathing heavier and heavier with each additional caress of his skin. It felt so good, so caring and affectionate even though they had been arguing a minute ago. His thighs tightened around Hoseok’s hips and he moaned softly, pressing a kiss to the top of Hoseok’s head right after to remain quiet. “You- make me react.”

“You- it's the same for me,” Hoseok whispered against his skin, shifting his hips under his body. “But- but I can't do anything besides this, even if I want to.” The other man's right hand sunk into his hair and pulled a little to give Hoseok more access to his neck. It felt like the touches changed the longer they remained connected, building a feeling of urgency in Hyungwon’s groin, one that wasn’t supposed to develop, not with Hoseok.

He had been right about thinking that they couldn’t be close, not the way he wanted to.

_Because he is taken, Hyungwon, when will you stop ignoring that?_

He gasped again, unable to help it with how sensitive his neck was. Each caress, no matter how brief, against the skin of his collarbones and neck sent a direct spark to his groin, pooling and only getting worse the longer the black-haired man covered his skin with kisses. Biting down on his lower lip, he rolled his hips while following the fingers pulling his hair.

Hoseok moaned, low and sensual, sound only partially muffled by the kisses the other man was pressing against the spot under his left ear.

It was too much, too beautiful and too much. Hyungwon wanted to hear it again, feel it and hear it and be able to touch the older man even though he wasn’t supposed to, fuck.

“So-” he gasped, unable to remain quiet with how Hoseok’s teeth nibbled on his earlobe, fuck. “You- you can’t touch me?”

“I- really want to, but I can't. I don't want to be a person like that only because he said that I can. It would mean that I'm the same, but I'm not. I'm not the same.” Hoseok shifted his hips again, erection painfully obvious with how it rubbed against his ass. The other man's hands and lips were travelling over his body, slow and so incredibly sensual, as if Hoseok really wanted to feel him with his fingertips and his lips. Hyungwon gasped again before holding his breath and blinking slowly, thinking about how to solve it, how to get rid of the pressure without doing something the black-haired man didn’t want.

“You’re not the same,” Hyungwon murmured in confirmation and paused the other man’s hands, intertwining his own long fingers with Hoseok’s warm ones. He shifted on top of the other man again, evoking a soft sound from his lips that was so addicting that he wanted to hear it every day. His body was shivering a little as he struggled with containing his urges, even though he wasn’t quite used to doing so, it was new.

“If- you can’t touch me, is it fine if I do?”

The black-haired man stared at him with wide eyes, pausing his kisses.

“You- want to touch yourself? Here?” He felt how Hoseok's fingers tightened around his thighs and he could've sworn that the other man's erection twitched under him.

_He likes the thought of it, doesn’t he?_

“Yeah,” he whispered in reply and let go of Hoseok’s right wrist, sliding his fingers along his own chest until they arrived at his crotch. He stroked over his bulge with his thumb and hissed, biting down on his lower lip to not seem too fucking desperate.

“Oh my god,” Hoseok breathed out and stared at the way his fingers moved between his legs. The other man's face wasn't as pale anymore, his cheeks and chest were covered in a soft blush.

Hyungwon was more of a toy person, but he really doubted that Hoseok owned any and wasn’t about to ask. The way the black-haired man looked at him seemed to be enough, making each touch seem much more intense than it really was. Blood rushed to his face and downwards as he licked over his lips and let go of Hoseok’s other wrist too, using his left hand to pull his t-shirt over his head. He tossed it to the side and threw his head back a little, brushing the fingertip of his index finger over his left nipple, knowing what he reacted to. It felt good, just like the slow circular motions of his thumb, but it wasn’t enough, not at all. Fuck.

“Fuck, you- what even-” Hoseok bit down on his bottom lip and stretched out his hand, brushing over his chest slowly, and circling the tip of his index finger around his nipple, while the other hand was clenched into a fist at his side. Hyungwon moaned, unable to contain it and threw his head back again, closing his eyes for a few seconds before forcing himself to open them again and look at Hoseok’s gorgeous face.

He wanted to feel more, so he opened the button of his jeans, followed by the sound of the zipper. Licking over his lips repeatedly, he slipped his right hand into his briefs, curling around his erection with the fabric covering it to make it easier for the black-haired man. He didn’t know what was okay and what wasn’t and didn’t want to risk it.

It felt good. He brushed his thumb over the tip, spreading the precum that had developed and exhaling through his nose to shut the fuck up. It was really hard even though it shouldn’t have been.

“You are gorgeous, oh god.” Hoseok’s voice was low, even lower than before and he looked strained. There were tiny sweat drops shimmering on his pale forehead. The black-haired man let his fingers travel further down over his stomach, stopping over the seam of his briefs and sliding upwards again. It was fucking tempting, Hyungwon wanted to tell him to touch him, but it would have been pointless.

_He’s suffering more than you are._

“Keep looking at me like that,” he whispered and squeezed his dick, gasping instantly and continuing with a few tight strokes. It blurred his senses in addition to the alcohol and the warm hands on his skin. Hoseok looked gorgeous with light blush on his cheeks. Hyungwon wanted to hear him moan so bad, to experience what it sounded and looked like, see the way his abdomen tightened, and his arms flexed, fuck. He imagined it, how the black-haired man would touch him, slide his hands along his back before spreading his butt cheeks and blowing against his entrance, sliding his hands along it carefully, slow like everything else he did.

“Fuck,” he gasped at the image and closed his eyes, speeding up his strokes and pulling his briefs and jeans down a little with his free hand to have more space. He could imagine Hoseok being sensual so well, tilting his fingers just the right way before sliding them all the way, filling him up to the brim. He didn’t know what the other man looked like when he was hard, but he could feel it, right below him and twitching once in a while. It was so fucking attractive and Hyungwon imagined taking him into his mouth, basking in the sounds of pleasure that would leave the beautifully curved lips.

There was a sharp exhale and Hoseok moved his hips under him purposefully, moaning in his low voice while staring at him without breaking the contact.

“You drive me crazy, Hyungwon, fuck.”

“You look gorgeous like this, I can imagine you touching me so clearly,” he murmured, hoping it was okay with Hoseok because he couldn't have kept himself from talking even if he had wanted to. His body was burning, pooling the pleasure in his groin while he pleasured himself and pinched his own nipple to add to the sensations. “I love the way your hands feel on my skin, fuck.”

The black-haired man let both hands travel along his naked upper body while abusing his curved lips and licking over them non-stop. The urgency was obvious with how Hoseok wasn't able to stop shifting his body under him, halfway rolling his hips against his ass.

Hyungwon pushed down on purpose to give the other man something too, even if he wasn’t allowed to really touch him. It felt good to be able to tell how Hoseok responded to his exposed state, blood pulsing through the black-haired man the same way it did with him.

He sped up further, brushing his thumb over the tip repeatedly because of how good it felt. He wasn’t really aware of whether he kept his sounds under control, too close to bother any longer with how his own fingers played with his nipples and Hoseok’s stroked over his chest and abdomen. It was too much and not enough at the same time.

“I want you,” he whispered and bit down on his lower lip, throwing his head back with a moan. His legs were shaking from the effort to remain in place. When the pleasure reached its sudden high, his vision blurred for a few seconds, followed by white and a rough exhale as he released himself into his own hand, shaking on top of the other man.

It was silent, apart from Hoseok's heavy breaths that didn't stop even after a few moments had passed. He felt how the other man's hands stroked over his chest and stomach carefully before resting on both of his thighs.

“Fuck.”

Hyungwon finally lifted his head up, refocusing his eyes on the beautiful, black-haired man. Hoseok was breathing roughly, his lips looked blood red from how the other man had been abusing them. Blush covered his cheeks and parts of his chest that rose and fell repeatedly. He was stunning.

Hyungwon tried to keep his right hand in place as it was covered with his own cum. The same was the case for his underwear and partially his jeans. It was a mess, but shit, it had felt good.

“Are you- okay?” he asked, still a little out of breath.

Hoseok shook his head while tightening his grip around his thighs.

“You- You can go wash up if you- like, I can give you clothes,” the other man pressed out, staying absolutely motionless under him.

_You can’t leave him like this._

“Can I move my hips?” he asked carefully and rolled his hips again, keeping everything else perfectly still.

Hoseok lost his composure almost immediately, moaning right into his face. It was hot, so fucking hot. Hyungwon instantly repeated the motion, making sure to do it right. Random rubbing wasn’t going to do the job. He bit his lip while watching Hoseok’s face intently, speeding up a little and barely able to remain quiet at how beautiful the other man was, responding so intensely.

“You’re gorgeous, Hoseok,” he whispered, pressing down with more vigor to give the black-haired man enough friction.

There was another moan before Hoseok curled both hands around his waist and pushed him back on his thighs, opening the button and zipper of his jeans and slipping a hand inside his Armani trunks. The other man's facial expression was outworldly as he rolled his eyes back and let out a beautiful low moan.

Hyungwon gasped at the sight, remaining in place and watching in awe. It was fucking hot. He couldn't help but slide his left hand along Hoseok’s thigh, brushing over the other man's hip bone. He was so beautiful, fuck, so different and unrestrained.

Hoseok’s hand started moving before realizing the restraint and pulling his underwear down, so that Hyungwon could see what he was dealing with. Hoseok's erection was gorgeous, thick and long with a broad tip. Taking in the details, Hyungwon could see the perfect way the black-haired man's dick curved up. His breath hitched at the sight, eyes widening in disbelief. It was perfect, really perfect, so perfect he just wanted to faint or choke the person that kept him from touching it, from knowing what it felt like against his fingers and inside him. Fuck.

_You don’t know if it is perfect, just that it looks perfect, god._

The other man’s pale fingers continued their movements while Hoseok's breathing became irregular, judging by the way the other man's muscular chest rose and fell, in addition to his toned abdominal muscles that flexed at his motions. He was oblivious to Hyungwon's struggles and so damn beautiful.

“Does it feel good?” Hyungwon whispered and wiped his hand on his jeans, unwilling to remain motionless. He held onto the couch with his left hand and leaned over the other man, licking over his parted lips once. He tasted delicious and Hyungwon didn't want to stop kissing him, ever.

Hoseok must've been of the same opinion, grabbing his hair with his free hand and pushing him further into their open-mouthed kiss while moving his hand faster and exhaling into his mouth.

“Yes, oh god, I want you so badly,” Hoseok moaned desperately.

Hyungwon exhaled against the black-haired man's face and continued licking inside his mouth, breathing harshly on purpose to fit the other man's state.

“You would feel so fucking good inside of me, you don't even know,” he murmured, not sure if it was the truth but still yearning to find out. “Come for me, Hoseok.”

“You're so gorgeous, I don't know what to do, fuck, I just want you,” Hoseok muttered, before he felt the other man's body tense under him. The grip on his hair increased in intensity and Hoseok came, throwing his head back and groaning.

It was stunning, so fucking stunning. He barely restrained the desire to fully press his body to the other man's and enjoy the warmth while kissing intently.

“Shh,” Hyungwon whispered, responding to the desperation in Hoseok’s voice as he carefully climbed off. “Let me get tissues.”

They were a fucking mess, inside and outside. They wanted to be closer but Hoseok restrained himself, staying with a person that didn't give a shit about him. It was beyond frustrating.

Grabbing a box of tissues from the kitchen, he returned, sitting down next to Hoseok and handing him a few while he wiped over his own stomach. It was a little awkward.

“Wait, let me get the other ones,” Hoseok muttered after not saying anything and staying with his eyes closed for a longer period of time. Wiping his hand and stomach, he pulled his underwear up and walked over to his bedroom.

Hyungwon stayed in place, unsure what to do with himself after getting off in front of the other man and seeing the black-haired man do the same.

_What are you two even doing?_

He didn't know.

Hoseok came back with a package of wet tissues and a pair of under armor sweatpants and packed designer trunks, putting the clothes on the couch next to him.

“I don't think that you're going anywhere today. Do you want to take a shower? I mean- you came right after work, so-” Hoseok glanced at him.

“Yeah, that'd be nice, and I can't drive to save my life like this,” he murmured and hoped to mitigate the strange situation by being on his own for a bit, having some time to think. “I'll just get going early in the morning then.”

“Why? Because of work?” Hoseok walked over to the bathroom and came back with a huge fluffy towel and a white shirt.

“Yeah,” Hyungwon replied quietly and took the offered items, disappearing in the bathroom. It was quiet and impossibly fancy, black tiles covering the whole room and topped off with a gigantic shower with settings one would’ve need several minutes to understand.

He didn't try too hard and just undressed quickly, soaking his jeans and underwear in the sink. Maybe they would be dry by the next day and he would only have to accept Hoseok’s for the time being. He was long and thin and other people's clothes just slipped down on his frame.

_And it's way too expensive._

He stepped into the shower and let the warm water run over his skin, looking at the tattoos on his arms and the way the drops ran down. It was calming, returning his senses that alcohol and orgasming had stolen from him.

_You can't be obsessing about him, Hyungwon. You're too old for this, it doesn't matter what he does, looks like naked or how nice he is. You'll just get hurt because he's taken, and he doesn't want to cheat._

Hyungwon didn't want to be the person that the older man cheated with either, not at all. He wasn't even sure if it was a good idea to stay overnight, but he didn't have much of a choice.

_He said that he wants you but that he doesn't know what to do._

Hyungwon didn't know either, but he knew what he wasn't supposed to do.

Whatever Hoseok said, they weren't friends and he wasn't sure if they could be.

Washing himself thoroughly, he stepped out of the shower and dried his body. There was only one bathrobe, so he threw that one over his naked form and left the room, looking for Hoseok.

The other man stood in the hallway, wearing his silk pyjamas.

“Do you want to sleep on the couch, or are you okay with sleeping in my bed?” he asked, looking very nervous for some reason.

_Don't sleep in his bed, Hyungwon. You'll crack._

“Couch is good,” Hyungwon replied and grinned to break some of the tension, part of which was in his head. “I'll dress in a bit, don't worry.”

“Why would I worry? Did you stop being touchy all of a sudden?” Hoseok commented and turned around, before returning with fresh sheets and a blanket.

“Nah, just ‘cause I'm wearing your fancy as fuck bathrobe.” Hyungwon grinned again and turned on his heel, returning to the bathroom to pull the prepared packaged underwear and the big white shirt over his naked body. Both smelled fresh, which reminded him of his jeans in the sink. It was perfect to distract himself.

“Do you have a place to hang up wet clothes?” he yelled into the hallway and did his best to squeeze the water out of the heavy fabric. Strength wasn't really his forte.

“Just leave them there, I have a tumble dryer,” the other man's low voice murmured before he disappeared in the bedroom.

Walking back into the living room, he found the couch completely prepared in addition to a tiny moon shaped light next to the pillow.

Shit, it felt strange.

Hyungwon chewed on his lip as he slipped under the blanket, listening but hearing nothing. It felt strange that Hoseok just went to bed like that, not saying anything.

_What if he's not okay and you're just curling up and sleeping?_

He threw the blanket to the side and stood up, carefully making his way to the other man's bedroom. It was his favorite.

Inhaling again, he knocked on the wooden door, waiting for an answer.

Hoseok hummed on the other side.

Opening the door carefully, Hyungwon was met with absolute darkness, unable to see the other man in the blackness of the room.

_You can't go in like this._

He froze in place, feeling his heartbeat pick up even though he was still covered in light from the hallway. It was childish, it really was but there was also nothing he could do about it. It was irrational, but the fear was there.

“Is something wrong?” Hoseok asked from somewhere in the room.

“I- I can't see,” Hyungwon whispered and couldn't help the way panic began to rise, even though he wasn't in the darkness yet. He wanted to go in but he couldn't, not like that.

“But I brought you the little moon, or isn't it enough? Do you need something bigger?” Hoseok still didn't get the point.

“No, I- I want to come inside but I can't see.” Hyungwon swallowed, feeling his fingers shake as they curled around the door frame. “I'm scared.”

There was shuffling until a reddish light lit up the room sufficiently to see.

“Is this ok?” Hoseok asked, while sitting on top of the bed with the remote in his hands.

Hyungwon nodded and walked in, wishing to just curl up in the other man's arms and stop the furious beating of his heart. There was something ethereal to the way Hoseok looked in red light.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he sat down on the bed. His fingers were tingling with the longing to reach out, but he didn't, keeping them on his lap instead.

“No, but you seem to be okay. Not that you should be miserable, you shouldn't, I just- I just thought you would be the same as before.” The other man swallowed and played with the skin on his hands.

_Like before?_

“What do you mean?” he asked and reached out, intertwining the fingers of his left hand with Hoseok’s, stroking over the soft skin.

“You wanted to be close, but after- this, you were just being distant, and it hurts.” The black-haired man glanced to the side, swallowing.

_You're trying to keep distance, but it just hurts him, Hyungwon._

“Fuck, I'm sorry,” he hissed and climbed on top of the bed, kneeling next to Hoseok and curling his arms around the black-haired man's shoulders. “I just thought I should stay away to not make this worse.”

“But how is you staying away making it better?” Hoseok lifted his hand but let it fall back on his thigh.

Did it make it better? He had thought that it at least kept them from jumping each other, thereby making it easier to resist. If they weren't in the same room they couldn't kiss. It didn't make him want it less, but it made keeping it in easier.

“I can't jump you when I'm not here,” he whispered and pressed a kiss to Hoseok’s cheek, followed by the top of his head.

“But you also slept next to me just fine last time and we were really close. What changed for you?” Hoseok closed his eyes at the sensation of his lips and exhaled softly.

“It's- several things,” Hyungwon whispered and wasn't sure if he was able to say them all. Some were still too personal to share. “Maybe it's like I know what I'm missing? I just don't know what you are okay with and what not and if we continue like this I'm not sure I'll have the time to find out before doing it.” He sighed and curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck properly, holding him close. “Would you be happier with me here?”

Hoseok was the one with the boundaries. Hyungwon could only get hurt.

“I have no idea what this is, but I really want you close. Is it selfish of me?” The other man sounded so different, as if it cost effort to speak.

“I don't know, Hoseok. You tell me, you’re the one with the boyfriend,” he murmured in reply, sinking down onto the sheets slowly and pulling the blanket over his body. He felt like crying for no reason, like the universe had decided to spit on his head and everything was unfair.

_Because it is. Why isn't he with you then if he wants to be with you?_

“I’ve been with him for two years, I don’t know how it’s supposed to be, but you- I don’t know, but you make me question if that is what a relationship should be like. I just don’t know, the only thing I know is that we’re definitely not friends,” the other man whispered and lay down, curling his arms around him.

“We're not friends,” Hyungwon echoed, swallowing at the heaviness of the words, body shivering despite the warm arms around his waist

They weren't friends, nor could they ever be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 5th of November at 2 PM CET.  
> < **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don't hate it, how am I supposed to hate it, you fool?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

He fucked up.

_Why would you lose it like this? Why did you drink so much that you have no inhibition? Why?_

He woke up at 5AM, unable to fall asleep anymore and with slim arms curled around his body, reminding him that he had a serious problem.

_You cheated, didn't you? You have to tell him._

Telling his boyfriend about kissing and pleasing himself in front of Hyungwon was one thing, the question why it happened and what he was supposed to do regarding the blonde man lying in his arms, was another.

_You're not friends. What are you, Hoseok? Why do you react like this to him? Why did you jump him?_

He had absolutely no idea. He wasn't this type of person. He wasn't one to just randomly kiss other people and touch himself in front of someone. He had always been composed, rational, reasonable. He only took projects that didn't bring enough profit if Tae randomly agreed without talking to him. He had never, not even once, just kissed a person. It wasn't him.

_You aren't yourself._

The thought was so scary that he felt goosebumps all over his body, forcing a shiver down his spine.

_And you even told him to sleep in your bed. What are you, Hoseok? What do you want from him?_

He was greedy, so incredibly greedy. He wanted to be close, all the time, touch and kiss the other man, even though he had a boyfriend and even though they were supposed to be friends, or at least two people who had a similar passion for light. Fact was that friends didn’t masturbate in front of each other while kissing and moaning into each other’s’ faces. Was it because they were drunk?

_You have to try to normalize this. It has to become normal again. You are not supposed to kiss him and to touch him like you did. You should be like you were before._

Peeling Hyungwon’s arms from his waist, he slipped out of the embrace carefully and stood up, getting dressed in the darkness and stumbling over the brand new helmet that still lay in his cupboard. The helmet he still hadn’t managed to give to Hyungwon. Pulling it out of his wardrobe, he placed it next to the other man’s half-naked body on his bed and searched for a sticky note in his bedside table. He didn’t even know what he was supposed to write after all that happened, so he just wrote ‘don’t die’ and stuck it on the visor.

Hoseok crouched down and stared at Hyungwon’s face that was barely illuminated by the dawn creeping up slowly. His lips formed a pout and his long lashes threw barely visible shadows on his cheeks. The blonde bangs were hanging into his eyes loosely. He was special, he looked special and Hoseok felt special when he was next to him. Leaning in, he let his lips touch Hyungwon’s briefly, like a puff of air, leaving a delicate sensation, but nothing more.

_Don’t._

Biting his lip painfully, he stood up and turned a faint, red light on to make sure that Hyungwon didn’t get scared when he woke up. He slipped into his Budapests and left. Working was better than lying in bed next to Hyungwon, knowing that he wasn’t supposed to touch or kiss him.

_This is such a mess._

_  
  


“I've created a giant mess and I don't know what to do,” he greeted Taehyung who danced into the office wearing red, squared pants and a light green t-shirt with yellow motifs. Fair enough.

“I have this gut feeling, but please continue. Also, good morning to your squished face, you look as if you didn't sleep much.” His best friend had always been straightforward.

“I- did something,” Hoseok started and glanced to the ceiling. “With Hyungwon.”

“What is that ‘something’?” Taehyung's body settled on his lap while the other man grabbed his face with both hands, squishing it randomly.

“We- drank wine and ate sushi and he took care of my scratches and then we fought and I threw him on the couch because he was being stupid, telling me that I think he's a shit person, which wasn't true, so I told him that he's dumb and that I like him and then he just kissed me and I-” He paused, sucking in air and remembering what happened after that.

_You jumped him._

“You? You did what, Hoseok?” Tae leaned closer and stared into his eyes intently.

“I lost it. I just kept kissing and touching him until we were both on the edge of going crazy, I- I told him that I can't do it and he- he just, he just touched himself, fuck, Tae, I can't describe it, I thought I was dying, I wanted him so much, shit, I still want him. He came and then he started rolling his hips until I thought I'd just- just take him, so I touched myself too until I came. I cheated, Taehyung, fuck.” He buried his face in his best friend's ugly t-shirt.

“And- what happened after that?” Tae asked and stroked over his hair slowly.

“He wanted to sleep on the couch even though he always wanted to be close, so I told him that he was being different, and he hugged me, and we went to sleep in my bed and I woke up at five because I realized what I'd done, leaving him the helmet and going to work. I have to tell Michal about it, so he knows what kind of person I am. That I'm capable of doing stuff like that after being upset at him for telling me that he's okay with me sleeping with other people. I'm- I'm so disappointed in myself, oh god.” Biting down on his lip, he pulled Taehyung into a hug.

His best friend didn't say anything and simply hugged back while raking his long fingers through his hair affectionately.

“What about Hyungwon?” the other man's low voice asked while Tae leaned back a little.

“I don't know. He said we're not friends and he's right. But I still like him, I just want to spend time with him, shit, I shouldn't have done it, now we can't be friends anymore. What are we then, Tae?” He sounded desperate, even to himself.

“What do you want him to be?”

_You don't know._  
  


_  
  
  


Michal’s lean arm flexed as he brushed back his brown hair, flying up a little and settling back on his forehead.

“Is that why you called me? To say that you jerked off in front of this friend of yours? Listen, Hoseok, why do you act as if you're in puberty? It's just that people have tension between them sometimes and you have to take care of it. Sex normally does the job, so just fuck him once and it'll be fine. You'll be happy, and he'll be satisfied with how nice you feel. It won't change the fact that you'll still want to fuck me, so I'm fine.”

It was like in some kind of movie. His boyfriend's mouth opened but the words were so harsh, so hurtful. Hoseok didn't even know what was worse, that Michal acted as if the thing with Hyungwon had been some random tension that just needed to be solved by having sex once, or that he talked about their relationship as if he was only there for the other man's pleasure.

“Did you just tell me to have sex with him after I told you that I'm sorry? Do you know that it sounds as if you don't care what I do as long as I'm there if you need me? Do you do that too? Solving tension with other people by having sex because it's so easy?” he asked while crossing his arms in front of his chest to not feel helpless.

“I do care about you, which is why I'm not touching anyone besides you, so that you can feel good and I'm also telling you to get rid of the tension because I'm not selfish, but I think about you all the time. I mean it, Hoseok. Just use a condom.” Michal put on his shirt and closed the button of his light-blue jeans.

_No matter how you spin it, you're the asshole._

“I'm not a person like that,” he murmured, wrapping his bathrobe tighter around his body, it felt cold all of a sudden.

“But you should definitely become a person like that. It would definitely benefit your character. See you next week, I have a lot of stuff with my thesis at the moment.” The tall man grinned and kissed him, pulling on his bottom lip a little.

_Why does he want you to become a person like that?_

He felt the need to talk to Hyungwon about it, but he had definitely become the wrong person for that.

_Not only did you make out with him, you also masturbated in front of him. He's ten years younger than you. What are you even thinking?_

_

 

He was kinda tipsy from the two glasses of wine he had drunk at home when he entered the bar and spotted the blonde man behind the counter, chatting with some guy with pseudo-trained arms. The other man's biceps were half the size of his own, why did Hyungwon even bother flirting in the first place?

_He told you he only does one-night stands and you're not a good choice for a one-night stand._

He sat down on the other end and threw the black-haired dude a judgmental glance because his clothes were shit, just like the obvious way he tried to hit on the handsome, blonde boy.

_He deserves better._

One of the waitresses came over and he ordered a mojito, deciding that it couldn't get worse anyway.

Hyungwon seemed nonchalant, smile remaining in place as he gestured broadly and glanced towards the side once in a while. He must have been telling the other man a funny story with how the wannabe worked-out dude kept laughing.

His order interrupted their conversation as Hyungwon nodded towards the waitress quickly and finally looked up in his direction. His eyes widened slightly before a bright smile appeared on his features, lighting up his face like a multi-colored firework. Lifting his hand, the blond boy beckoned him over.

_Why would you go, only because he calls you? You're not a dog._

He crossed his arms and glanced at the dude who was glued to the spot right across Hyungwon. He walked over and sat down, leaving two chairs between himself and the blonde boy's one-night stand candidate. His taste was questionable.

“Hi,” he murmured and clicked random news on his phone to distract himself.

“I woke up early as fuck this morning, but you were gone already. Are you alright?” the blonde boy asked and began mixing his mojito judging by the sounds. “More sour or bitter?”

“Bitter,” he answered because it fit better. “I couldn't sleep, so I went to work. Are you okay?” he asked, suddenly worried because they hadn't talked since then.

“I'm kinda great,” Hyungwon murmured before he walked over to his side. He could feel the younger man's eyes on his face as the mojito was placed in front of him, ice creating a beautiful sound in the glass. “I'm thankful, really thankful.”

_Thankful? But for what?_

“What? Why?” Hoseok couldn't hide the shock, eyes widening, especially after trying to determine what the blonde boy must've been thankful for.

_He can't be thinking what you're thinking about. Oh god._

“The helmet, I- well- it's really expensive and even though you basically told me not to die I know the thought counts. My mom's thankful too.” Hyungwon chuckled nervously and returned to the center of the bar, pouring vodka into a big tumbler before adding juices.

“Wow, that made you sound really young, are you even legal, barboy?” the guy in front of Hyungwon asked and raised a thick eyebrow. There was something really sleazy about him. “I'm really bad at judging age when guys look like you.”

“Definitely legal, otherwise I wouldn't be mixing drinks,” Hyungwon replied with a wink and placed the vodka mixture in front of the unpleasant dude, before turning back to Hoseok.

Hoseok really wanted to say something but refrained successfully and took a sip of his mojito instead.

“I bought it a while ago. Just forgot to give it to you. The cocktail is really good.” He actually came to apologize for the things he'd done, but Hyungwon's gorgeous smile changed his mood somehow.

_You should still apologize._

“I'm glad you like it!” Hyungwon exclaimed and resumed making another one, this time it looked like a Zombie for someone in the back. A rather run-down looking man who was probably preparing to escape his responsibilities on a weekday. “How was work?”

“I'm sorry,” he murmured and glanced to the side, inspecting the posters on the wall, advertising concerts and other events.

“For not telling me how work was?” Hyungwon asked with a chuckle and placed a small plate with nuts in front of him. “Here, because I like you and even though it's nowhere close to a fucking helmet it's at least tasty.”

“You don't need to give me anything, it's enough already. Work was ok, got therapy from Tae and confessed my sins to my boyfriend who pointed out that I'm the asshole in the relationship and he had a point, how was your work?” Hoseok gestured before concentrating on his cocktail and sucking a fair share through the yellow straw.

“Wait- what?” It was fascinating how Hyungwon just left the glass he had been cleaning in the middle of the sink, half-washed, and walked over to him, leaning on the counter. “Why does he think you're the asshole in the relationship? Did you do something to upset him?”

_Yes. You told him that you didn't want to cheat._

“Well, I told him what happened and apologized and he-” He paused, deciding that it was a bad idea to tell Hyungwon about how his boyfriend had suggested for him to just have sex with the blonde boy, to release tension. “Anyway, he said he is okay, and he cares so much about me, so he’s fine with me being like this. He said he's faithful to not make me upset and that I can do what I like as long as I'm there when he needs me. Ah, I'm sorry for telling you, I can't tell Tae because he'll just call him and tell him all the things he thinks.” Hoseok buried his face in his palms. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to apologize for losing it and go home, trying to be a decent human being.

The way the blonde boy threw a glass to the side, almost shattering it in the sink, grabbed his attention and he looked back up.

Hyungwon looked thoughtful, chewing on his cheek until he reached under the counter and got out a package of milk chocolate with strawberries, opening it and breaking it into tiny chucks on top of the silver foil.

“I need sugar for this,” the blonde boy remarked and placed a tiny chunk between his plump lips. Exhaling softly at the taste, Hyungwon held another one against Hoseok’s lips, waiting for him to eat it. “It does some biology magic or something, makes you happy. But that's not the point, the point is that you can tell me whatever you want, it's fine. I tell you stuff too, and you don't run away screaming ‘cause I bore you to death. Are you interested in my opinion on this or would you prefer a hug?”

Hoseok leaned in further and closed his lips around the piece of chocolate, taking a bit of Hyungwon's fingers into his mouth, before letting go and chewing thoroughly.

“You're not boring, that's the problem. Maybe I should run away screaming,” he commented and sighed, licking the crumbs from his lips.

“I don't think it would suit you, you're the type to insult and slam doors instead,” the blonde boy pointed out with a grin and ate another bit of chocolate. “So, hug or opinion? Or both in no particular order?”

A chair screeched at the side and Hyungwon's eyes switched towards the motion. His eyebrows lifted up in surprise as the man that had been talking to him before placed a bill on the counter and made his way to the door.

“Have a great night,” Hyungwon called after him before turning back to Hoseok and leaning even further over the counter, eyes big with how they reflected the dimmed light. But it wasn't perfect, Hoseok could have done a way better job.

“I think I just made your one-night stand candidate with tiny arms leave. But I'm not sorry, because he's sleazy and has no taste. And you also have no taste,” he murmured while staring into Hyungwon's gorgeous eyes.

“And there go the insults,” Hyungwon commented and sighed, leaning back and wiping over the surface where the man had been sitting before. “If his arms are tiny, what the fuck are mine then? Also, he would have left anyway, even without you coming because they never bother to wait until my shift ends, it's too long. Sad story of a bachelor.”

“I didn't insult you. I insulted him because he deserved it. I don't pity you.” Hoseok chewed on his cheek and sucked some of the cocktail through the straw before smacking his lips.

“Let me repeat, you said ‘he has bad taste’ which automatically means that liking me is a sign of bad taste. Also, how the fuck would you know whether he deserved it or not? You don't even know him.” Hyungwon lifted his right hand to his temple and massaged it repeatedly. “Can't you just say when something is bothering you instead of insulting others?”

“First of all, I meant his fashion taste. I'm not stupid, why would I insult myself? It doesn't make any sense. There's nothing bothering me. Why? Do I look as if something is wrong?” He emptied his cocktail and leaned over, taking another chunk of chocolate and stuffing it into his mouth, moving it intensely, on purpose.

“You just told me that your boyfriend made you feel bad by pointing out you should be like him, which you don't want to be. I'd be pretty fucking upset if I was you,” Hyungwon replied, shrugging and turning away to pick up a few more empty cocktail glasses. He seemed rather thorough with his motions, scrubbing furiously until he suddenly stopped and remained in place, as if he was frozen solid.

“Also- thank you, you're basically the personification of- never mind. It's not really SFW,” he whispered but didn't turn around.

_What's SFW?_

“Not what? I'm not upset about that. I'm disappointed in myself but I also don't really know. He's doing his best and even cares about my ‘tension’. It's me who's like this,” he whispered and twirled the ice cubes in his glass, sucking the remaining water out.

Hyungwon turned around and dried his hands with a small black towel next to the sink, playing with his lip piercing.

“What makes you think that he's doing his best? Weren't you doing the same? Constantly worried about what he needs and likes, even letting him do things you aren't comfortable with. I wouldn't really say that he's constantly concerned. At least he doesn't care about your interests and seemed rather upset when you didn't want to sleep with him.” Hyungwon sighed and lifted himself up with his arms, sitting down on the counter next to Hoseok’s empty glass. “I'm not saying he's a bad person. I'm sure he loves you and cares about you in one way or another, but I don't think he's an angel either. There is no reason to beat yourself up over something he said unless you really believe it yourself.”

_Facts are facts. He was faithful whereas you just jumped Hyungwon, who's giving you relationship advice._

“Well, he wasn't the one who lost it, the facts are pretty clear.” Hoseok pulled out his wallet and took a bill, placing it on the counter.

“Do you regret it?” Hyungwon asked suddenly, remaining seated on the counter and looking at him from above, eyes wide and lips pulling together a little bit. His voice was quiet, almost insufficient to beat the background music.

_As if._

“No, and that's where the disappointment in myself comes from. Either way, I wanted to apologize to you. See you around, Hyungwon.” Hoseok smiled, unfitting to his state and stood up, taking slightly unbalanced steps towards the exit.

“I told you no one ever stays until the end of my shift, you-” he heard Hyungwon call after him as he walked through the door, sound of cars drowning the music and whatever the blonde boy might have said after that.

He fought the intention to go back in and tell Hyungwon that he was stupid and gorgeous, moving in the direction of his house instead.

_What's the point? There is none._

_Get a grip._

_

 

 

He had actually wanted to ask Hyungwon to go with him, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it. Walking into the small gallery in the center of Prague, Hoseok couldn't help but feel extremely excited, knowing that he'd get another piece of art to make him happy. Homme’s sculptures did that.

Entering the room, he noticed a couple of lights being a little off in the arrangement and intensity, but it was bearable, he wasn't there because of light.

_It's not about light._

There were eight works displayed on big white cubes. Some of the gorgeous sculptures were made of clay, gypsum and limestone, but a bluish marble piece caught his eye immediately because it had been what he was looking for.

Feeling the heartbeat hammer in his chest, he observed the other works first, leaving the best for later. The works were thought through and so incredibly emotional, he could feel the difference in the stories that the sculpted bodies could tell.

_He can show it all. It's incredible._

He inhaled deeply and closed the distance to the marble sculpture. His breath got stuck in his throat at the sight that unfolded in front of him. The piece was a male body, like it always was, but it was a different shape this time, broad with defined muscles and perfectly shaped calves and arms. What caught his attention was something else? It was the pose.

_It looks like that one time he took pictures of you._

He wouldn't have known if he hadn't seen the pictures Hyungwon took, but it was his position, the way he hid his face in his arms, curling them around his head while crouching on the ground.

His heartbeat was deafening. Trying to keep calm, he walked around the gorgeous marble sculpture, pausing in front of it. Hoseok stretched out his hand and held it in front of the sculpture’s hand. Even the strange curve of his ring finger was the same

_Hyungwon is the only one who has your pictures. He must've sold or given them to him._

_Fuck._

Hoseok didn't know whether he was hurt, overwhelmed, angry or speechless, probably all of the above, but he needed that sculpture.

_Even if it's you. He sculpted you, even if he doesn't know it, you know._

Walking to the woman who owned the gallery, he pointed at the marble piece and let her write down his payment information, feeling how his breathing kept being irregular.

_He must've given out your pictures. He just did that, even though he knew how hard it was for you to bare yourself like this. To show him and to let him take pictures. He used it. He used you._

It hurt.

A lot.

_

 

 

Hoseok had his third glass of wine, waiting for his sushi order. He knew that it was Hyungwon's shift and he hadn’t contacted the other man after the exhibition. The younger man wrote and even called once, but Hoseok couldn't bring himself to answer.

The sculpture had arrived the day before and he put it on the beautiful marble block in his bedroom. It was gorgeous, so emotional, aesthetic and painful.

_Because it's the product of his betrayal towards you._

To be honest, he had never told Hyungwon to keep the pictures to himself, but he just thought that the other man would have done it, especially after telling him that it had been special and that they shared something. It really hurt, more than he would've thought. Way more.

_Why do you always get attached? There's no point, just end this and live how you lived before._

Hoseok chuckled because he didn't even know whether there was something to end.

The bell rang, and he stood up from the couch, moving in the direction of the door. He felt sad.

Opening it, he saw Hyungwon's face and his thin arms, holding the sushi.

“Come in,” he murmured and turned around, walking back to the living room.

He couldn’t see the blonde man’s facial expression, but he could hear that Hyungwon must have realized something with how long he hesitated until he finally entered the apartment, closing the door carefully behind himself.

“Did something happen?” the blonde boy asked after taking off his shoes and appearing in the doorframe, sushi box resting on top of his big palms. “There is something gloomy about you. You haven’t replied to me either.”

_He doesn't know why you're like this._

“I got a new sculpture,” he answered, taking his wine glass and drinking the rest in one go.

There was a change in the handsome features as Hyungwon’s eyes widened for a split second, lips parting.

“I know,” the younger man murmured finally and brushed through his hair before placing the sushi on the table in front of Hoseok. Hyungwon opened the box and grabbed the small plastic fish filled with soy sauce, adding a few drops to each piece. “I just didn’t think it would be something to be sad about.”

_He knows?_

“How do you know?” Hoseok kept staring into his glass and feeling hurt.

_Why are you like this? Just get it over with._

“I was at the exhibition,” Hyungwon replied quietly and he seemed a little uncomfortable, reaching for a piece of sushi only to stop himself and place his hands on his lap instead, sitting strangely straight compared to his usual, relaxed posture.

“Eat. I'm not hungry.” Lifting his gaze, Hoseok stared at the ceiling and tried to collect his feelings into a sentence.

“But- you ordered, or did you order to see me?” There was surprise in the low voice as Hyungwon did as he was told and grabbed a maki, chewing soundly. “Why would you though? You could have just written to me, or replied to my messages, which you- surprise surprise- didn’t.”

_Because you couldn't._

“Don’t you want to see it? The sculpture?” Hyungwon was strange, the other man should have asked where the piece was and would've stared at it in the perfect lighting Hoseok was able to create.

The blonde man stood up suddenly, hands curling up at his sides.

“I do, I want to see where you put it and how it looks on the block of marble you bought,” he murmured and just walked to the door way, waiting for him to follow. He moved fast, like he wished to be somewhere else, only stopping when his feet were almost past the thin line marking the end of the living room and the beginning of the hallway. Abruptly, the tall boy turned around, quick enough to make his blonde bangs fly to the side a little. “But- why didn’t you answer my messages, Hoseok?”

_What? He's concerned about his messages?_

“Because I was afraid that I'd insult you,” he answered, slipping past him and opening the door to the bedroom, taking the remote and covering the gorgeous marble sculpture in a mixture of black and white.

“Why would you-” Hyungwon began but stopped, word flow ceasing just like the motions of his body as he stared at sculpture in awe, eyes wide. He didn’t say a word, merely moving a little closer and examining the various lines and marks. The younger man seemed genuinely fascinated, but not by the sculpture itself. It must have been the light with how he glanced up, identifying the position of the LEDs and the way they shone down. His big eyes observed how the statue smoothly transitioned into the bluish block of marble, complimenting the hue of the sculpture as if it was made for it. Time passed while Hyungwon walked around it, nibbling on his bottom lip until he stopped right in front of it and finally turned to Hoseok. “It’s- it’s perfect here.”

“I love it- but I also hate it.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, tipsy and again reminded of the fact that Hyungwon gave away his pictures.

“What- but why would you hate it?” Something changed in Hyungwon’s face, transitioning from shock, over worry to something that could have been hurt, but Hoseok wasn’t too sure. “Why did you buy it if you hate it?” the other man asked and looked away, curling his right fist at his side and sucking his lip piercing into his mouth.

_Why would he care?_

“Because the person who made this sculpture must've seen the pictures you took of me. The first time I undressed, and you said we shared something special, but then I go to an exhibition and see myself in this vulnerable position, knowing that the only person who could've given the artist those pictures is you. Fuck, do you know how much I trusted you? Shit, I didn't even know how much I trusted you. I'll take everything back, you're not stupid, I am.” He stood up, feeling how shaky he was and attempted to leave the room. He was so freaking hurt.

“What, Hoseok- no,” Hyungwon muttered, shock obvious from his voice as he moved fast, stepping in front of him and attempting to stop him, long fingers curling around his wrists. “I didn’t show your pictures to anybody! I just-” The blonde man stopped talking, biting down on his lower lip. It looked painful. “I told you that the final project isn’t the picture, I- I don’t really draw, I’m not good enough. I like the human body and express myself differently. I- fuck, I feel like you won’t even believe me if I tell you. I sculpt, Hoseok.”

_What is he even talking about?_

“You know that it doesn't make sense, right? You know what's the saddest thing about it? That I spent all this time being so fucking hurt even though we're not even ‘friends’, Hyungwon. I don't even know what the fuck we are, who are you to make me feel like this?” he whispered and bit down on his lip.

Hyungwon just stared at him with wide eyes, not letting go of his wrists and bottom lip trembling a little.

“I’m not sure you are blaming me for the same thing still,” the blonde man murmured eventually and let his fingers slide upwards, curling around his forearms instead. “Are you upset because of the sculpture or because you don’t know what the hell is going on between us? I don’t know either, Hoseok. I can’t tell you, I also don’t know why I stared at my fucking phone like an idiot for two weeks hoping that you’d write to me, or at least tell me how you felt about the sculpture, whether you liked it. I thought you might come by, maybe just tell me how the light project is going, just anything. I’m the stupid one for just hanging around and hoping that you’ll give me your attention when you’re taken. You’re taken and you’re blaming me for the way you feel.”

“I'm blaming you for the way I feel because I keep staring at this sculpture and it's gorgeous, but it reminds me of the pictures you took and that you told me that it was special, but then- it doesn't seem like it because someone took it and made a sculpture. I mean I'm honored, really, but it was for you. Not for anybody else. Don't act as if it would be different if I wasn't taken.” A rough exhale left his lips and he pulled his arms out of Hyungwon's grip, closing the distance to the wine bottle and pouring another glass.

“I know it was for me, you dumbass,” Hyungwon whispered as he appeared in the door frame, holding onto it so tightly that his knuckles turned white. “The sculpture was for you too. I even picked the damn marble block for you, so it would fit perfectly. I didn’t show the pictures to anybody, they were mine and they still are. I can’t believe you actually think I would give them away, I told you that I have never seen anybody be this vulnerable and that you allowed me to see it, it’s special and I can’t believe you’re actually standing there and telling me that I am a shit human for doing something that I haven’t done. You make me want to cry and I never fucking cry, asshole.” It almost looked like a drop fell on the wooden floor as Hyungwon let go of the door frame and turned around, disappearing in the hallway.

_He what?_

Something clicked in his brain, processing the information and putting the pieces together.

_He made it? He made the sculpture?_

Running after him, Hoseok grabbed his wrist and turned him around, staring in absolute disbelief.

“Are you trying to tell me that you were the one who made this?” He gestured towards the bedroom and around himself. His lips were parted in shock and he still waited for the other man to decline.

“I fucking sculpt, Hoseok. That’s what I’m trying to live off while working like crazy, just to be called a shit human even though I made it for you, fucker. It was for you because you like marble, have a gigantic collection and even picked a block. It fits your skin and the lines, and it was supposed to be perfect. Give it back if you hate it.” Hyungwon looked so much unlike himself, desperate with how his voice was a little higher than usual. The younger man tried to free his slim wrist even though it was pointless, big eyes appearing so impossibly wet.

It was strange. He just realized that the person in front of him was his favorite artist for almost two years and that all those sculptures were made by him. Somehow this knowledge was forced to the back by the person he knew before he knew him as an artist. Hyungwon was angry at him, angry and hurt.

“I don't hate it, how am I supposed to hate it, you fool?” he whispered and stepped closer, giving the other man the opportunity to leave if he wanted to, before brushing a blonde strand behind his ear and curling his right arm around his waist.

“You said that you hate it, that you love it but hate it, just give it back then,” Hyungwon gasped, hitting his chest with his fist only to press his face into it the second after, exhaling roughly against his skin. “I didn’t want to tell you because you thought I don't know shit about art, fuck. But here you are thinking that I would just give away your pictures, I don’t even know what’s worse, shit.”

“But how do you expect me to know? You don't want to be judged, but you give no information whatsoever. What should I have thought when seeing my naked body in an exhibition? Oh, the person that I fight with and that makes me feel, that person is probably the artist I’ve admired for two years, even though the said person had 3000 possibilities to tell me. You know how crazy it sounds? How could I hate the sculpture? I hated the thought that you betrayed something that I thought was special between us, you dumb person.” He inhaled and pressed Hyungwon flush against his body, scared to let go.

“I- I don’t know, I just thought that you would be happy because your favorite artist made a sculpture of you. I didn’t mean for you to know it was me, I thought you would just be glad about that, because it’s something special. I didn’t think you would need my identity for it,” Hyungwon murmured and finally let his slim body rest against his chest, lean arms reaching out to curl around his neck and return the embrace. “I was there when you bought it, but I didn’t want you to know I was there, so I didn’t say anything. I guess I just thought you would appreciate the work less if you knew it was me.”

_Bullshit._

“I missed you,” he whispered all of a sudden, pressing his face into the crook of Hyungwon's neck. “I'm sorry for doubting you.”

He could feel Hyungwon nod softly until plump lips pressed to the spot below his ear, just a light touch, nothing more.

“I missed you too. I’m sorry for not telling you, I should have. It’s just something that stayed. In the beginning you just judged me for everything and I felt so angry that you would be so hypocritical, tell me how I dressed like shit, took drugs and was a delinquent teenager but at the same time you filled your apartment with the main thing I live for. It was so hypocritical that I just wanted to punch your stupid face.” Hyungwon pressed himself even closer, long fingers moving through the strands of his hair. “I missed you so fucking much, you dick.”

“I hate you for lying to me, and I hate you for thinking that I'd think that you're a shit person after all this, and I hate you for making me feel like this,” Hoseok whispered and leaned in, kissing along the other man's gorgeous neck.

“Maybe that’s what this is, just mutual hate,” Hyungwon muttered and chuckled bitterly, hissing right after at the way Hoseok let his lips travel along his jugular. “But I’ve never wished to be close to somebody I hate, fuck. You make me do things I never do, Hoseok.”

Unexpectedly the blonde man simply jumped up, curling his legs around his hips and crossing them at his lower back. Hyungwon’s hands grasped his shoulders tightly as lips attached themselves to his own, soft and hot at the same time.

It was so intense that he gasped, forcing his lungs to suck in more oxygen, to become more aware of the other man's body in his arms, even though he weighed almost nothing.

His lips parted immediately in a rough exhale and he melted into the touch.

It wasn't sexual, at least not yet, it was sensual, desperate, genuine and the worst was that it made him feel things he hadn't felt before.

 

***

 

It hurt, Hyungwon hadn't even been aware that something was able to hurt so much. He could deal with insults towards his person, he had been doing so since he dropped out of school and decided to change his body the way he liked it. There had always been somebody to judge, to throw a demeaning comment at him and his friends.

_Hoseok was a person like that too._

The other man had been, insulting him, his knowledge of art and his interests until they had finally gotten close enough to change that.

But apparently that closeness had been absolutely meaningless.

Hoseok just stood there, looking so terribly hurt while accusing him of taking the one thing he had cared the most about for the past few months and giving it to somebody else. The black-haired man just thought Hyungwon would have taken the one expression of vulnerability he had seen in his life, utterly overwhelmed by its intensity, and given it to an irrelevant person to sculpt.

_It's yours, it's yours to keep and no one else is allowed to have it. Take it back if he hates it, it's a part of you._

He had to swallow, bear the burning in his chest that spread out and filled his eyes. It woke the urge to run away, to just take everything he had given and not come back.

_First, he ignored you for two weeks, forcing you to think about what you did wrong for him to act this way, only to say that he hates your work._

Hyungwon was able to deal with insults, he could bear the lack of trust and the conclusion of betrayal that Hoseok had drawn. It was fine. It burned but he could take it.

_But not if it's your art, it's too personal._

He wanted to be angry, to run away and forget but he just couldn't do it, not with the way the black-haired man's muscular arm curled around him and pulled him close. Hoseok kept telling him that he didn't hate his work, apologizing for accusing him, saying all those words with his deep voice. It felt like the other man sucked the strength from his arms that weakly hit Hoseok’s chest until he just gave up, melting into the embrace instead. He didn't want to fight, not at all. He just wanted to be fucking happy and do what he liked. Why did everything have to be so fucking hard all the time?

Hyungwon pulled himself as close as possible, desperately muttering how much he had missed the other man, waiting for a sign just to be disappointed each day. It hurt, so fucking much and he just wanted to stay close and not think about anything else.

“I hate you for lying to me, and I hate you for thinking that I'd think that you're a shit person after all this, and I hate you for making me feel like this,” Hoseok suddenly whispered and Hyungwon could feel the other man's warm lips against the skin of his neck, travelling along his jugular and making the yearning only worse. It wasn't even sexual, he just wanted to be close, to feel those muscular arms around him and know that it was okay.

Maybe that's what it was, hate at its purest form, so blurred with affection that they couldn't differentiate anymore. He chuckled at how bitter it sounded to give his emotions the simple term of hate, it didn't fit, just like words couldn't describe the actual emotion no matter how sophisticated they were.

He couldn't take it anymore, the constant pressure of wishing to be close but not being able to. Grasping Hoseok’s shoulders tightly, he changed his center of weight and jumped up, curling his long legs around the black-haired man's hips. The soft strands of the older man’s black hair felt so good between his fingers, like that was how it was meant to be, just like his plump lips were meant to touch Hoseok’s beautifully curved ones softly. He inhaled sharply at the touch, feeling like his surroundings just ceased to exist, only leaving the warm skin under his fingertips, the broad chest attached to his own and the hot tongue that licked along his bottom lip.

The other man's strong arms curled around his thighs and Hoseok took over most of his weight, licking into his mouth desperately and baring his neck with how he threw his head back to adjust to the height difference.

It felt like too much, the way he could feel each bit of warm skin that pressed against his, even through the fabric, but at the same time he wished to be even closer, to bury his face in Hoseok’s neck and just breathe in the other man’s scent.

“You drive me crazy, Hoseok,” he whispered and attached his lips to the line of Hoseok’s jaw, followed by the curve of his pale neck. His fingers kept threading through the black-haired man’s hair, not required to hold himself in place with how tightly Hoseok was holding onto his thighs. He felt weightless, like air.

Hoseok moved until his back pressed against a hard surface and the other man's hot lips travelled over his neck, his jaw before Hoseok licked into his mouth again.

“Who are you to make me feel so bad and so good like this? Shit,” Hoseok's low voice vibrated against his mouth while the other man pressed his muscular chest against his.

Hyungwon didn’t know what to do apart from curl his arms around Hoseok’s neck tightly and bury his face in the crook of his neck. It was unfair, Hoseok wasn’t the only one feeling like this. He was suffering as much as the other man was, unable to pinpoint what the hell was happening with them. The black-haired man had a choice whereas he was caught in a limbo of wanting and at the same time being unable to do anything about it.

“I don’t know, Hoseok, I don’t fucking know. I didn’t do anything, you’re just making conclusions on your own, thinking that I betrayed your trust. I could never, you idiot. You have no idea how much this means to me,” he murmured and crossed his legs around Hoseok’s back so that he was impossible to remove. He didn't want to separate, ever.

“You lied to me, you asshole, you didn't tell me that you made all these sculptures that mean so much to me, must've been funny to see me fanboy like an idiot,” Hoseok hissed and continued nibbling on his bottom lip, licking over his piercing and parting his lips with his pink tongue.

Hyungwon gasped at the way it felt and intertwined his fingers with a few black strands, tugging a little to have enough space to reply, eyes wide open to see the expression on Hoseok’s face.

“You’re the one who said that I don’t look like somebody who enjoys art! I was sure you would look down on my work only because I look the way I look. You did it with other things before. How was I supposed to tell you, you asshole? You’re the only person that always wants my work. You bought the most pieces and I didn’t want to taint your image of my sculptures just because you don’t like my tattoos,” he muttered and licked over Hoseok’s curved lips again, loving the mixture of wine and the other man’s inherent sweetness.

“You look gorgeous, you fool, you are beautiful and the things you create are beautiful, why am I like this? Fuck. You told me that I'm a snobby prick and an asshole and that you hate me, I'd probably not even suffice as one of your one-night stand candidates at this point.” Hoseok was holding his body in an iron grip, exhaling hot air against his lips. The other man's usually pale face was covered in beautiful blush, spreading along his neck.

It was gorgeous and Hyungwon wanted to touch it, to run his fingers over the intricate lines of the other man’s skin, lines that he almost knew by heart from sculpting them into stone, engraved forever. But it wasn’t the same, just a minimal movement was enough to make it seem so different, to feel so fucking different. He swallowed and closed his eyes for a few seconds, overwhelmed by the sight and the wish to keep every second, every small image that he saw with his eyes.

_His body is so expressive, nothing can compare, nothing._

“You have no fucking idea, Hoseok,” he whispered, closing his lips around Hoseok’s bottom lip and pulling a little, focusing on the way the smooth texture felt against his own plump mouth. “You know nothing, nothing at all, fuck.”

The other man let out a silent moan at the sensation before moving away from the wall and entering the absolutely dark bedroom. The light must've turned out automatically and he couldn't see anything. The blackness forced him to tense up, almost paralyzed in the other man’s arms despite the contact. Only the warmth against his skin kept him sane.

Hoseok sat down, probably on his bed and pulled him on top of himself, attaching his lips immediately.

“No, you know nothing, you think you have a clue with your twenty years and mass of experience in whatever, but you still have no idea,” he hissed against his mouth.

“It doesn’t fucking matter how old I am, Hoseok. You are older, but you are like a child in a glass house, taken care of and too afraid to walk out,” Hyungwon whispered, voice barely there with how he panicked because of the lack of light. He could feel the soft sheets under his sock-clad feet and curled his body further around Hoseok’s, hoping to endure the darkness by keeping his eyes closed and lying to himself that he did it on purpose.

_You only close your eyes when you pose. What are you even trying to express?_

Nothing, because he couldn’t express what he felt. It was too much.

Hoseok removed an arm from his lower back and turned on the light. The red one.

“Shut up,” the other man whispered and stared up at him, lips pulled into a thin line. Hyungwon wanted to reply but wasn’t able to at the sight, too focused on the way the red light brought out the color of Hoseok’s curved lips and pale skin. He looked unreal, like a product of his imagination instead of a real human being.

He swallowed and couldn’t help the way he reached out, thumb stroking over Hoseok’s soft cheek, so smooth to the touch, almost like marble itself. Just that it was hot, so hot that Hyungwon barely kept his fingers in place, slowly gliding along the beautiful jaw to those lips, illuminated in a dark red color. His index finger slid along the black-haired man’s upper lip as he watched the motion, still trying to understand whether the situation was really happening instead of a product of his imagination.

“We both know nothing, fuck,” he whispered and closed the distance, pressing their lips together for a split second, basking in the hot touch until he moved back and gasped.

Hoseok stared up with his big round eyes that appeared almost black in the red light before grabbing his face with both palms and pulling him down into a kiss that was so intense and so desperate that he could basically feel it with his body. Hyungwon instantly parted his lips, kissing back vigorously and attempting to keep his grip on the situation only to fuck it and throw himself at Hoseok, arms on top of the muscular man’s shoulders and lips clashing together repeatedly, sliding over each other while their tongues intertwined. Hoseok tasted so fucking good, like everything Hyungwon had ever wanted and more.

“I want you, I want you so fucking much, and I hate it because there is nothing I can do, fuck,” he cursed and licked into Hoseok’s mouth, hands trying to feel more, to slide over the beautiful man’s back and under his shirt past the collar.

“I'm going crazy, I want to feel you, I want it so much,” Hoseok whispered and he felt the other man's palms slip under his loose t-shirt, sliding over the naked skin of his lower back. “Oh my god,” the other man exhaled against his lips roughly.

They shouldn’t have, Hyungwon knew that and it was in the back of his head, but somehow it didn’t matter. He should have been the one to stop them, to define the borders, especially with how Hoseok had emptied his glass of wine in one motion, but he just couldn’t do it.

He bit his lip painfully and brushed over every bit of exposed skin he could find, pulling at the fabric to give him more, exposing paleness that reflected back the intense red light. It felt unreal, like it was okay because it wasn’t really happening.

“I can’t resist,” he whispered and closed his lips around Hoseok’s right collarbone, pulling his shirt down to have enough access.

“Don't, it's me, I'm a person like that, I -" The other man let out a low moan. The way Hoseok's body reacted was heavenly, spine curling and sounds leaving the other man's mouth. Hyungwon wanted to drive him mad, bring him to the edge and listen to those gorgeous sounds that had left the older man when he had touched himself, fingers curled around his beautifully curved erection and showing how Hyungwon was able to make him feel. Even without being the one to touch him. He would be able to make him feel so much better if he could touch him, long fingers stroking over his perfect, smooth skin and lips pleasing him beyond what he could imagine. Hyungwon could drive him so mad, make him lose his senses and forget about his surroundings and that poor excuse of a boyfriend of his. He could be so much better, treat him so much better.

_But how do you know, Hyungwon? You can’t offer him anything, nothing beyond needing help, just like Michal._

He stretched out his tongue and dipped the tip with the piercing into the small hollow of Hoseok’s collarbone, focusing on the way it felt instead of his own thoughts. It was easier.

There was another gasp while Hoseok's fingers explored every patch of skin on his back the other man had access to. Leaning in, the black-haired man attached his lips to the crook of his neck, kissing the outline of his collarbone and pulling his shirt down to lick over his nipple once. The spark of pleasure was instant, burning through him like gasoline meeting the small flame of a candle.

Hyungwon moaned loudly, too fucking sensitive to contain himself. His thighs shook almost instantly, blood rushing downwards and lips parting with harsh gasps. He wanted more, but- fuck.

“Wait-” he murmured, digging his fingers into the firm muscles of Hoseok’s biceps. Who the fuck was he to get so involved that he ruined someone else's relationship. It was selfish. “I don’t want you to do anything you hate yourself for.”

_He’s drunk and you’re using it again._

“I don't know what I would hate myself for, for doing it or for not doing it. It doesn't go away, I think about you, I can't help it, my head is long gone, Hyungwon, just- just let me touch you, just a little bit,” Hoseok whispered while his strong hands curled around his slim waist.

Hyungwon’s eyes widened at the words, hands remaining curled around Hoseok’s biceps as he sucked his lower lip into his mouth, contemplating what to do. It was pointless because he couldn’t say no anyway, not with the way Hoseok looked at him and with how his body burned up at each touch, no matter how small and brief it was. Hyungwon wanted to feel it, to know how Hoseok’s hands felt on his skin, brushing over his nipples and curling around his waist, stroking along his thighs.

“Touch me,” he whispered, words too loud in the empty room, only aided by the dark, red light covering their bodies. It seemed like art, an expression of their emotions that was far from their usual lives.

_Maybe it doesn’t count like this, it’s an artistic expression of your feelings, Hyungwon._

Hoseok grabbed the seam of his loose t-shirt and pulled it over his head, leaving him half naked before lifting his own upper body and attaching his lips to his skin. The curved lips  travelled from his collarbones to his chest, kissing and licking over his nipples, while the warm hands slid along his back, exploring.

Hyungwon couldn’t contain it, no matter how intently he attempted to remain quiet. Low moans left his lips and he let his hands sink to his thighs, digging into the fabric of his jeans as his body shuddered at each spark of pleasure, unable to resist. His lips remained parted as his eyes fluttered shut, exhaling sharply with each lick over his nipples paired with warm hands travelling along the naked skin of his back. He wanted to feel more, to just let go and know it was okay, but it wasn’t. He was showing too much, responding too much even though he wasn’t supposed to.

Hoseok seemed as if he had been holding his breath, exhaling roughly once in a while after placing tender kisses all over his skin. Warm fingers drew the patterns of his tattooed arms slowly, the touch was light, like air, accompanied by the hot, wet sensation of Hoseok's tongue. After an especially long inhale, the other man sucked his nipple into his curved mouth while pressing him closer to himself.

“Fuck,” Hyungwon cursed and threw his head back, whole body convulsing at the sensation. He was moaning with his mouth open, so fucking loud as it echoed through the bedroom. His fingers tightened in the fabric of his jeans from the impulse to lift his palm to his lips, but it would have only confirmed his state.

He had to stay composed, Hoseok had been drinking and couldn’t keep track of their actions. Hyungwon had to do it, sitting on top of the older man and keeping himself in place. He couldn’t just fall to the sheets in the form of a moaning mess, so he bit down on his cheek and tensed the muscles in his arms and shoulders, forcing himself to stay still. It felt so fucking good, sending waves of arousal to his groin, almost painful with how he needed to feel more.

“It's so nice that you're sensitive like this,” Hoseok murmured and let his fingers travel along his bared neck, curling them into his hair and pulling a little. The curved lips immediately tasted his skin again, as if the other man didn't want to stop.

_Oh god._

It was too much, the combination of fingers pulling his hair and warm lips closing around patches of his skin. He gasped again, feeling the air brush past his lips with the force that it left his lungs. He threw his head back a little, following the direction of Hoseok’s fingers while licking over his dry lips desperately, unable to keep the moisture.

He wanted him. He wanted him so fucking much.

“I- I’m not,” Hyungwon whispered although it was an obvious lie, but he felt defensive, defensive because he couldn’t resist even though he should have been able to.

“You are, but so am I.” Hoseok licked into his mouth while pulling him down against his lap. “Do you- want to touch yourself like the last time? I’ll just taste your skin, if you want to.”

“Fuck, yes- pl-” Hyungwon muttered, barely stopping himself from begging the other man for something he wasn’t even supposed to be giving him. He bit his lower lip and slowly unclenched the fingers of his right hand, relieving the skin of his thigh from the almost painful pressure. He gasped again as he let his fingertips travel over his jeans to his waistband, brushing along the line of exposed skin. It was stupid because it only made it worse, but he also had to collect his wits before exposing himself like that in front of the black-haired man. It was different to undress and pose, showing himself at the height of pleasure was vulnerable too, especially if he was the only one in that state.

“Kiss me,” he muttered and opened the button of his jeans, slipping his hand inside and brushing over the tip of his dick, a little shocked at how wet it was. It felt good, so he moaned quietly, holding his breath right after to stay silent. Shifting on top of Hoseok’s lap, he pulled his jeans down a little further and gave his dick a few slow strokes, almost shaking at the effort to remain quiet.

Hoseok hissed and pulled his own shirt over his head, attaching his lips and licking into his mouth right after. It felt amazing, more intimate with how he was drowning in the scent of Hoseok’s skin, mixed with the pleasure that he provided with his own hand. He increased the speed of his strokes, moaning into the beautiful, curved mouth quietly. He only separated to shift his hips and slide his jeans even further down his hips.

“Fuck, this feels so fucking good, ah-” he breathed out and attached his lips again, containing his moans through kissing the older man. He must have sounded so desperate, but he couldn't resist. The pleasure was supposed to be basic, not as overwhelming as it was.

“Oh god- you- shit,” Hoseok cursed and shifted his hips under his butt before leaning in and sucking on his nipple again, hands curling around his clothed thighs.

“Your lips feel- fucking crazy on my skin, fuck. Touch me more, Hoseok,” he murmured, sound breathy and soft with how he attempted to stop moaning into the black-haired man's face. The pressure built in his groin without a break, numbing his senses and his awareness of the sounds that left his lips. He wished he hadn’t seen the other man naked, didn’t know how the soft skin would feel under his fingertips, how it would look, how his muscular body would position itself between his legs, make him see stars. Fuck. The other man's teeth nibbled on his sensitive nipple as Hoseok moaned against it, sending additional vibrations through his body.

Almost screaming at the way his orgasm washed over him, his whole body convulsed, shaking on top of Hoseok’s lap as he released himself into his own hand and partly on Hoseok's stomach.

“You're gorgeous. Your expression, it's- holy shit.” Hoseok kept kissing his skin, exhaling roughly and digging his fingers into the skin of his thighs.

Hyungwon attempted to catch his breath, vision switching between a blurry mess and Hoseok’s gorgeous face with small sparks of white littering it.

_You jerked off in front of him again._

“Fuck,” Hyungwon cursed again and licked over his lips repeatedly, recovering from the aftermath. Blood was still rushing through him and making his dick throb in his hand, paired with the shivers that passed through his legs.

The other man reached to the side and pulled wet tissues out of the drawer on the right. Taking one out, he reached between Hyungwon's legs, almost touching him, before his eyes widened and he wiped his own stomach, giving Hyungwon a fresh tissue while glancing to the side.

It was kinda cute considering that Hyungwon had just jizzed all over him. He grabbed the provided tissue and wiped over his hand and his dick, calming his nerves with the fact that he could sculpt the black-haired man's erection just from what he had seen last time and the way it felt under his ass.

“Thank you for letting me touch you,” Hoseok whispered and curled his arms around his waist, burying his face in the crook of his neck. It seemed so vulnerable and emotional that he didn't know what to say, merely curling his arms around Hoseok’s neck and holding him close. It should have been weird with how Hyungwon was still mostly undressed, but it wasn't. He just wanted to help the black-haired man with the internal conflict he must have been feeling and make him smile.

“It's okay,” he whispered, not meant as an answer to anything in particular. Maybe it was even for himself.

_It keeps happening, Hyungwon. Even if you don't touch him, it keeps happening._

“Thank you for making the sculpture for me, it- I don't even know what to say or what to think.” Hoseok's warm palms stroked over his back slowly and tenderly, still applying pressure, as if the other man was afraid that he would leave.

“You're so expressive, Hoseok. I could watch your body all the time, learn all the lines and motions and be able to reproduce them. I want you to take pictures of me,” he whispered, overwhelmed by how affectionate Hoseok was, touching him without any sexual intent. “You're beautiful, I'm sorry for thinking you would dislike my works after knowing who I am.”

“I want to. I want to take pictures of you. All the time.” The sensation of hot lips against his neck spread out to his jaw before Hoseok kissed his plump lips slowly with his eyes closed.

It felt nice and calm, like there was no need to be concerned and to worry, like everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be.

_But it isn't._

“I- I should leave, I'm working after all,” Hyungwon murmured against the other man's soft lips, unable to separate himself completely with how much he wanted to be close.

Hoseok didn't say anything and simply exhaled softly against his lips. His embrace tightened for a few moments, before the other man leaned back and loosened his grip, nodding briefly.

“Do you want me to call them, or will you be okay?”

“It was the last delivery so technically I didn't really ditch work. I just need to take the money purse back,” Hyungwon murmured and carefully lifted off Hoseok’s thighs, packing himself back into his jeans and closing the zipper and button. It felt a little awkward, especially when he picked up his t-shirt off the ground to pull it over his head. “I'm glad you like the sculpture. Please treat it well.”

“How would I not treat it well? But I don't want to show anybody because it's mine,” Hoseok whispered and stood up from the bed, disappearing in the hallway before coming back with the sushi box.

“Please eat. I really wasn't hungry.”

“So, you _did_ order just to see me,” Hyungwon stated and smiled a little, grasping a gigantic nigiri and inhaling it in a matter of seconds. He hadn't eaten since breakfast as there was no time, so he was definitely grateful for the bunch of calories.

“I did. And you came.” The other man looked gorgeous shirtless and with the huge bulge in his dark blue jeans. Hyungwon wanted to trace it with his lips but that would have been too much. But he really wanted to know if the curve was really just the way he remembered.

“I did, in both senses of the word,” he replied quietly and brushed through his hair, forcing himself to not stare like a teenager seeing porn for the first time. He didn't even care that much about sex usually.

“The lighting is gorgeous, thank you for making it perfect,” he commented instead of another ridiculous sexual innuendo and examined the sculpture. Even in dark, red light it looked vulnerable, each line along the muscular legs saying something different.

Strong arms curled around him from behind and he felt the warmth of Hoseok's chest through the thin fabric of his shirt, just like the other man's erection against his butt.

“Thank you for making it. All of it, if I'm brave enough later, I'll tell you what it means to me. I still don't quite get that it's really you.” Hoseok's whisper hit his right ear before he felt a kiss against it. “I'd offer to drive you, but I'm tipsy.”

“It's okay,” Hyungwon murmured, exhaling softly at the pleasant sensation of lips against his ear. He tried to move his hips forward and put more distance between Hoseok’s groin and his ass. “You make me want you, Hoseok, I don't think that's- a very good idea.”

_Just don't ask him if he wants to come. You'll crack._

Fuck, Hyungwon wanted to see it so badly, see the beautiful man naked and remember the gorgeous lines of his muscles, dips of his collarbones and thighs. He wanted to see it all, paired with how the black-haired man looked when he was erect.

“You make me want you too,” Hoseok murmured, hugging him tighter and placed a kiss on his nape before stepping back.

“But why?” Hyungwon asked, chewing on his cheek as he turned around, taking in the sight of Hoseok’s shirtless body, blush covering his cheeks and erection just as obvious. Even the red light wasn't able to hide anything.

“Because I- I want to be close and see how your face changes if I kiss your skin, how you react when I slide my fingers over your inner thighs, or whether you hiss or moan or just keep silent while closing your eyes when I touch you where you like it. I'm just greedy, I’m sorry, just don't listen to me,” Hoseok murmured and glanced to the ceiling while licking over his lips.

_Fuck it, Hyungwon, just fuck it._

He groaned and turned towards the bed where he found the remote, throwing it in Hoseok’s direction and inhaling sharply.

“Adjust the light and undress for me,” he murmured, curling and uncurling his fingers repeatedly to calm himself.

The other man's round, black eyes stared at him for a few moments with the remote he had caught immediately, even though the light had been barely there, before covering the room in darkness.

After a sharp exhale a white LED covered the room in huge shadows in addition to a blue one, making Hoseok look like a marble sculpture with the bluish tone that his pale skin was covered in.

It was absurdly quiet as Hoseok must've held his breath before his hands slid down his toned stomach towards the waistband of his jeans, loosening the button and pulling down the zipper before a sharp inhale followed.

Hyungwon could hear his own blood rushing through his face, overshadowing the sound of his ragged breaths as he watched, unable to look away from how hesitant and at the same time gorgeous Hoseok looked. He wanted to see it, to engrave it into his memory and be able to reproduce it whenever he wished.

“Would you…touch yourself for me, Hoseok?” Hyungwon asked, voice no more than a whisper. He bit down on his lower lip right after, disbelieving that he was actually sharing his desires with the other man, asking him for something as daring as touching himself in front of him like that. Fuck.

Hoseok chewed on his lips before nodding briefly and sliding his jeans down his legs, remaining in his underwear. Stroking over his thighs, he sank down to the ground and leaned his back against the marble block his sculpture was standing on. The other man's lips were parted as he let his hands slip under the top of his underwear, pulling it down, enough to free his gorgeous erection. Hoseok’s legs spread automatically when the other man curled his fingers around his dick, size even more visible with how thick it looked in his hand.

_It's perfect, it's fucking perfect and you know it. Fuck._

Hyungwon gasped loudly. The sound echoed through the dimly illuminated bedroom and he instantly lifted his palm to his lips, containing any future sounds that might have escaped them. Hoseok was beautiful, so indescribably beautiful that Hyungwon didn't know how to capture what he saw, the way the blue light reflected off the other man's muscular thighs, how his perfectly curved erection fit into Hoseok’s delicate hand and how his firm chest rose and fell with each breath. He couldn't help his own response, not with the sight in front of him. He had never had much of a refractory period, but the black-haired man made it so much more obvious.

_You want to feel him inside of you, to know if it really feels good._

As soon as his hand moved, the other man let out a breathy, low moan, spreading his legs further, looking like a marble sculpture in motion with how the thick muscles flexed and relaxed at the movements and the pleasure Hoseok must've been feeling.

Hyungwon wanted to see more, to know what Hoseok looked like when he lost it, unable to control himself with the pleasure that soared through him. Hyungwon could have been making him feel so fucking good, melt at the touch that his hands, mouth and body provided. Fuck.

_You could drive him mad, your body can do that. Just like he's perfect for you._

“You're unreal,” he whispered and stepped closer, pulling the shirt over his head again. He wanted to be pleasant to look at for the black-haired man, to add to the feelings his hand could provide. “I want to hear every moan that leaves your lips, Hoseok.”

“You- you don't even know what you're doing to me, fuck.” Hoseok moaned the curse and squeezed the tip, thighs flexing due to the sensation.

“This is nothing yet,” Hyungwon whispered and kneeled next to the other man, sinking his long fingers into the soft black strands. “I could make you feel so fucking good, you can't even imagine, Hoseok. You could set me on fire, make me scream- I know it.”

The words just left his lips without a filter. He almost moaned at the sight and the way he could feel Hoseok’s body shake under his fingertips.

“Oh god, oh my fucking god, Hyungwon,” Hoseok moaned, moving his head against the marble block, and thrusting into his hand before the other man's free hand curled around his neck and pulled him on top of his muscular thighs. The curved lips clashed against his almost instantly, setting him on fire like a sheet of paper.

_You're losing your grip._

“Hoseok-" Hyungwon gasped but wasn't able to continue with how quickly he felt the other man's hot lips on his, tongue licking inside his mouth desperately. It felt so fucking good. He rolled his hips over Hoseok’s thighs and tugged at the strands of hair between his fingers, wishing to be part of the reason Hoseok lost himself, reached his height. It felt so exquisite and hot, the way their skin touched and burned up at the contact.

“I want to be the reason for your pleasure, fuck. Come for me, Hoseok,” he breathed out and rolled a nipple between his index finger and thumb, tugging at the other man's hair at the same time.

“I want you, I want you so much, I don't even know- I love it when you touch me,” Hoseok moaned into his mouth, and sped up his strokes, pulling him further on top of his lap, thighs tensing under his body.

The other man must have been close. Hyungwon wanted to touch him so bad, to be the one to give him pleasure instead of just watching, fuck. He let his hand roam all over Hoseok’s body, over his chest and nipples, along his hip bone and curling around a muscular thigh. The touches were so intense, like his senses sharpened just to feel Hoseok.

Hyungwon clashed their lips together again, moaning into the other man's mouth and rolling his hips again, unable to contain his response to the black-haired man's arousal. He wanted him so much, fuck, he never wanted anybody this much.

Hoseok kept kissing him and moaning in between his lips before his body tensed impossibly and he released himself between them both, stroking through the aftermath and keeping their lips connected. A few moments passed before Hoseok leaned back a little and stared into his face, his free hand moving in front of his eyes, much like the sculpture he had made once.

It was gorgeous, overwhelming even. His breath got stuck in his throat as he just stared, disbelieving that they had cracked like that, as if they weren't adults, aware of their actions.

_It's just like the sculptures, Hyungwon._

The body expressed, emotions clear from behavior and motions, but the face remained still, hiding behind a warm palm. It was like a secret, like he couldn't know what Hoseok was really thinking apart from the strong pull they felt towards each other.

A pull that shouldn't have been there.

He wasn't supposed to want the other man, not like that.

_But you do, don't you?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 7th of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That's easy then. It just means that there's no one who loves me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

Nothing worked anymore. Existing made him think about Hyungwon, working made him think about Hyungwon. Looking at his sculptures made him think about Hyungwon, who had made all of them.

_He's Homme. He's not a forty-year-old, experienced man, he's the twenty-year-old barman, delivery boy, and shop employee who is driving you nuts._

His phone rang, it was Michal.

“Hey, I'm going to come over today.” His boyfriend's voice communicated the facts instead of asking.

“I'm sorry, I'm busy,” he murmured, trying to come up with an excuse. He was a bad person, but it was still better than having sex with someone even though he really didn't want to.

_Now you don't even want to sleep with him, you're going crazy, Hoseok._

“Wait, are you telling me that you can't? Did you fuck that friend of yours and are suffering from a guilty conscience? Don't bother, just let me come over and show me how much you like me instead.” Michal sounded a little annoyed.

“I didn't, but we were close again and I need time to think about this because it makes me miserable and I don't want to hurt you by being like this.” He chewed on his lip and felt so incredibly bad for hurting his boyfriend.

“Okay, listen, let's meet at the Corner Bar, drink a cocktail the cute, blonde dude mixes and talk and if you still don't feel like it we’ll leave it at that, okay?” Hoseok swallowed because it probably was Hyungwon's shift and it was the last place he wanted to have a talk with his boyfriend about cheating.

“Does it have to be the bar? There are so many other places though-” he murmured and exhaled loudly.

“The dude mixes the best cocktails and the atmosphere is the best. See you at eight.”

_Maybe you should warn him._

But Hyungwon and him hadn't talked since they had been so close in his bedroom, where he almost cracked. He had been so close, it was scary. Hyungwon was scary and he himself was.

_You are both unable to stop. You can't stop, and you don't want to stop._

Walking into the familiar bar, he immediately spotted Hyungwon mixing a cocktail right next to his boyfriend.

_Why did he sit down there?_

Closing the distance, he greeted Michal, without the usual kiss and sat down before his eyes went to Hyungwon automatically.

“I already ordered a Zombie for you, so you can calm your conscience.” It was so weird to have both men next to each other, it felt wrong.

“It won't calm my conscience, I just need time, not alcohol,” he murmured and glanced towards Hyungwon. It was a mess, he thought it would get better, he thought it was just a random thing after drinking too much, but Hyungwon was just as gorgeous, brushing his blonde bangs back and licking over his plump lips. He wanted to kiss him so badly.

_You shouldn't be thinking and wanting it._

He did, but he couldn't help it.

“No, I told you to just fuck him once and chill, but you keep creating more tension. Just do it, Hoseok and concentrate your attention on me. Like this you're busy with this irrelevant guilty conscience instead of doing what you're supposed to be doing right now, namely me.” A bright grin appeared on Michal’s face, but he couldn't mirror it with how his insides clenched.

Hyungwon dropped the Zombie he had been mixing to the ground loudly, shards littering the ground and echoing through the bar despite the music. It seemed as if the other had simply let go, muscle tension disappearing.

“Fuck, sorry,” the blonde man cursed and turned towards them. “I'll make you guys another, Michal.” Hyungwon seemed a little strange with how he chewed on his cheek and cleaned up the shards, not looking up even once.

It hurt. He wanted to go behind the counter, to hug Hyungwon and tell him that he didn't want to calm his conscience, that he didn't just want to have sex with him, that it was way deeper than that. So deep he wasn't able to describe it with words.

Instead, he turned to Michal and stared at him, angry that the other man would talk about another person like this.

“He's not a person like that. He's not someone to just have sex with and then ‘chill’.”

_But that's not true. It's exactly what Hyungwon does. You're not a person like that._

“And I'm not a person like that. Screw the cocktail.”

Michal’s eyes narrowed, and he leaned forward.

“Oh, so you're not a person like that? But you're a person to just make out and jerk off in front of some dude even though you have a boyfriend, just using me being nice to you to have fun by yourself while abandoning me right after. I'm just the faithful idiot waiting for your attention while you're busy thinking about some guy who you did stuff with. Think about what kind of person you are after doing this to me, Hoseok, we’ve been together for two years, do you really want to be the asshole who ditches his boyfriend because of his pseudo-guilty conscience? You have to show me that you like me, and you can show it best with sex, so let's stop arguing and go to your place.” Michal’s finger scratched along his shoulder and chest, probably leaving a red line with how his nails burned against his skin.

He felt like vomiting.

_But he's right, Hoseok. He's right that you're a person like that, you can't stop thinking about Hyungwon even while being next to him, you can't stop thinking about him. You're doing and feeling things you shouldn't._

No matter how much of an asshole he was, he couldn't bring himself to sleep with his boyfriend while thinking about the man behind the counter.

“You're right. I am a person like that. I am a person like that and I won't take you home today. Have a nice drink and take a cab.” He put a few bills on the table and almost told the other man that his scratch hurt, but he didn’t have the right to demand things or reprimand anybody.

Taking a quick glance at Hyungwon, which he wished he didn't do, Hoseok left the bar walking home on auto pilot and falling into his bed as soon as he arrived. He didn't even bother to take his clothes off.

_Now Hyungwon is hurt too, because he heard Michal talking about him as if he was some piece of meat._

Even now, Hoseok wasn't able to think about anything else besides Hyungwon's face, his hands and his genuine smile when Hoseok told him that he liked something about him. He also couldn't forget the hurt on his face when he dropped the cocktail, how vulnerable he looked, and it hurt so incredibly much because Hoseok knew that it had been his fault.

_You're hurting him._

_And you want him.  
_

_

 He had the lights ready and he had the company who rebuilt the windows, the only thing he needed was Hyungwon to show him the room and to plan the final arrangement on site. He hadn't been able to think about it much, but after time it had been clear that the working space was for Hyungwon himself, adding up to the list of lies the other man had told him.

_It needs to be perfect. Absolutely perfect._

It did, but he needed Hyungwon, in more ways than one.

‘Hey, I need to see the working space and to stay there for an hour or two. Do you have time?’ he wrote and brushed his hair back, waiting for a reply. Again, they hadn’t talked after the incident at the bar, Hoseok just couldn't bring himself to say anything because it got worse the more time passed.

_And you're a trash person, just like Michal said. Not able to think about anything else._

The reply was quick, a ‘sure’ accompanied by more exclamation marks than Hoseok could count. It almost appeared like he had starved the other man for attention until his short message. ‘I will be done around 11PM,’ followed right after, lighting up the screen of his phone.

‘I could pick you up. Just tell me where,‘ he replied and groaned at his shaky hands, making so many mistakes that he had to write the message anew.

‘Do ya know the student dorms? Ya drove past there a while ago while I was with a friend, I’ll send ya the address.’

Shaking his head at all the ‘ya’s he swallowed and looked into his wardrobe, picking what to wear. He hadn’t thought that Hyungwon would suggest today after such short notice. Picking a black shirt and black jeans was the best choice because he would probably sit on the floor a lot. He packed his sketches and his laptop and went to the car, planning on getting sushi on the way so that they could eat it there.

_You're acting as if you're going on a date. While having a boyfriend who you didn't even think about once over the past few days. You should be disappointed in yourself._

Arriving at the address, he hoped that no drunk student would scratch his car while stumbling past it.

‘I'm here,’ he wrote and leaned against the seat, letting jazz music bless his ears.

It took a while until he saw a familiar slim figure run down the stairs. Hyungwon was dressed even more casual than usual. His chest was covered with a gigantic white shirt that he had apparently managed to cover with similarly white spots and his jeans were an almost washed-out blue, ripped all along his thighs and calves as if he crawled around in them.

“Sorry, had to wash my hands and stuff,” the blonde boy murmured as he climbed into the seat next to him and grinned, long fingers removing his bangs from his forehead just to have them slip right back in place.

“It's okay, buckle up and let's go. Do you live here?” he asked, thinking how Hyungwon would've dealt living in a neighborhood like this.

“Ah no.” The blonde man laughed suddenly and buckled up. “My neighborhood is much worse than this. Student areas are pretty cool with all these tiny coffee shops that are pricey but not as much as everywhere else. Anyway, I’m just using a friend’s dorm room while she’s abroad for her studies. It’s not the best, but that way I don’t have to smear gypsum over my mom’s belongings.”

_He sculpts here._

“Ah, were you working on something new? The company must've already delivered the block to you, right? I would've bought even more if I’d known that it was you,” he murmured and stepped on the gas pedal, causing Hyungwon to be pressed into the seat.

“Holy fuck,” the younger man exclaimed loudly and almost buried his fingers in Hoseok’s thigh from the acceleration. “Holy fucking shit, what is this car? Oh god, I got the block and I managed to convince the delivery dudes to carry it up for me because I’m hot, but I’m not working on that one yet. It’s special, so I’m still thinking. Currently it’s gypsum and dirty clothes.”

“I bet it's gorgeous,” Hoseok whispered and turned the corner. “The working space is for you, isn't it?”

“What- oh- yeah,” Hyungwon muttered and glanced out of the window, probably uncomfortable because he hadn’t told him. “I’m sorry for not telling you, but I’ve been saving up for this for four years and I know that I wasn’t offering much money in the first place. If you had decided not to do it because you didn’t want to see my face I would have had a fucking mental breakdown. Because no one else would have done it.” The last words were whispered as the younger man pressed his forehead to the window.

_He's scared that you might hate him._

“I'm going to do it no matter what. I even teamed up with Tae and will also do the interior design if you’re interested, but it's up to you of course, maybe you already know exactly where to put the working desk and what kind of material cupboards you want to use. Either way, I'm going to plan the final concept today and then the lights can be put up.” Hoseok pulled into the parking spot right next to the building and turned off the engine.

“I-” Hyungwon began and Hoseok could see him chew on his cheek from the corner of his eye. His big hands were resting on his thighs and he just stared straight ahead, past a teenage couple that was kissing under a tree right next to their car. “Thank you so fucking much, really, it’s so much more than I hoped for. You’re amazing at this and I know it will be perfect if it’s you, Hoseok. But- how much will the interior designing be? I don’t mean to sound pathetic or anything, but I’m pretty damn convinced I won’t be able to afford it, no matter how many fancy drinks I mix or how many asses I pack up into nice jeans.”

_He thinks that you want money for this._

“It's for free. I know that it might sound weird to you, but you made those sculptures and this space is for you to make sculptures, they- it's actually not for free, it's just me giving back a bit from what I got from you without knowing that it had been you. I would be happy to do it if you let me.” Thinking about it, Hoseok might have really been a snobbish asshole. If he had gotten the project with Homme’s name on it, he would've done it for free from the start, in reality Taehyung had to agree in secret for him to even consider doing it for someone he didn't know.

_Hyungwon was right insulting you._

“It's not really work for me, it's fun. I did the interior design in Tae’s apartment too, it's not really- you don't need to feel burdened by it,” he murmured and stepped out of the car, getting the sketch pad and his laptop and simply walking towards the building.

As soon as he ran up the stairs and arrived at the entrance, he heard Hyungwon's fast steps until the other man caught up with him and opened the door.

“Thank you, really, I don't even know what to say,” the blonde boy murmured and stepped to the side, letting Hoseok into the spacious studio. “I'd love for you to do the interior design, but I gotta tell you I'm medieval as fuck, I just work on the floor.” Chuckling, Hyungwon glanced towards the light switch and pressed it as soon as he stepped into the pitch black room.

“You'll ruin your back. You think you're all incredible being twenty now but wait till a few years pass and you won't be able to stand straight,” he murmured, shaken at Hyungwon's naivety.

“You speak from experience?” Hyungwon asked with a grin and wiggled his eyebrows. “I'm meant to work with my hands, don't artists die young anyway? I wouldn't be surprised with how I'm working my ass off.”

“You make me want to slap you,” he groaned and sat down on the floor in front of the window, pulling out the sketch paper and installing the small USB connected LED lamp, to have better lighting. “How did you start sculpting?”

He had thought about asking this question since Hyungwon had told him that he was Homme.

“Oh, is it time for my origin story?” Hyungwon asked with a brief laugh and sat down next to him, thighs almost touching. “I've been doing it since I was a kid, if we count the pathetic excuse for art I did with a pottery kit when I was eight. But man- I fucking hate potting. My mom basically laughed her ass off ‘cause my pots either looked like dicks or limbs. I started doing it seriously with gypsum shortly before I dropped out of school, a few days before my sixteenth birthday. Before that I just made sketches or used wire to form human bodies.” Hyungwon's face was interesting as he spoke, playing with his fingers and smiling a little to himself.

“You dropped out of school? Why?” Hoseok asked, parting his lips in surprise. He had never met anyone who hadn't completed at least thirteen school years.

“Really, man? I told you before that school isn't for me. I can't do math; my poems suck dick and even art consists of figuring out what an artist wanted to express with two squares. It's bullshit and a waste of time. I wanted to help my mom financially instead of burning her money the whole time. And I wanted to earn my own to be able to sculpt, really sculpt.” Hyungwon turned towards him, sucking his lip piercing into his mouth and rolling it repeatedly. “Why? Think I'm an idiot now?”

_He dropped out of school to make money?_

“What? I- just don't understand.” He spread the sketch paper and looked around, remembering all the corners and uneven spots in the walls once again. “It had never been an option for me and I don't know anyone who didn't finish school.”

_And dad told you that you'd end up cleaning toilets if you don’t study._

“Well, how did you realize you wanted to be an architect?” Hyungwon asked and hummed briefly, staring at the ceiling again. “It doesn't sound like the typical rich guy job, like doctor, or lawyer, or some business bullshit where you suck money out of people that already have none.”

_You didn't really have a choice, you didn't want to become an architect either._

“Well, I was actually supposed to be an engineer because my dad is head of an automotive supply company, but machines were really not my thing and I didn't really satisfy his expectations, so I was allowed to study architecture instead, because my uncle has a big company and he said that I would be of help and now I'm here. I liked drawing when I was a kid.” Hoseok started sketching the room with practiced strokes of his pencil, looking up once in a while.

He could feel the younger man's eyes on him, staring as if he had done him dirty for some reason.

“You were ‘allowed to’? What the actual fuck, Hoseok? What is this, a TV drama? They are not the ones working their ass off all your life, so why should they decide what you do? Why the fuck did you go along with it? Sweet Jesus,” Hyungwon exclaimed, outrage obvious with how he gestured towards Hoseok and the piece of paper in his hand. “They make me want to choke them, stupid assholes trying to fulfil their shitty purpose in life through you. You're not a fucking robot to fit their job descriptions, fuck.”

_Why is he so angry?_

“Well, they're my parents and they told me what I was supposed to do because they brought me up and fed me and bought me clothes and helped me to pay for my education. At least before I chose to specialize in lighting, then they stopped because they didn't like it, which is okay.” The room materialized on the piece of paper quickly and he started drawing the lighting concept by adding single LEDs and drawing the light pathways including the shadows.

His gaze was suddenly removed from his sheet of paper as he felt cool palms on his cheeks, turning him towards Hyungwon who was staring at him in shock.

“Say it to my face, Hoseok. Do you really believe that your parents have the right to stop caring about you, just because you pursue a career that you enjoy? Tell me,” the blonde boy whispered, so close that Hoseok could see a few thin cracks in his lips.

_Oh god._

“Yes? I mean they have expectations and I should be of some use and they paid money for me and it's an investment so of course they are sad if it doesn't bring revenue, so I bought my father's company shares so he wouldn’t be so mad at me.” Hoseok licked over his lips, heartbeat picking up at the proximity and fingers curling around his pencil tightly.

“You what?” Hyungwon exclaimed, raising his voice and moving closer by sliding his naked knees over the dirty floor. He looked so emotional, lips trembling. “They are assholes, Hoseok, fucking assholes and you wanna know why? Because parenting isn't a mother-fucking business, it's a duty. A duty to care for your child independent of revenue or whatever. They brought you to life and they have to care for you, whether they want to or not. What about unwanted or unplanned children, do they not deserve to be cared for?”

“But- but they cared for me, they bought me clothes and food and toys and took me on holiday, and they just want things in return. It's always like this, everyone wants things in return, Hyungwon, there's nothing for free is there?” His voice was quiet, almost a whisper when he thought about his conversation with Michael about his need for affection and how the other man had told him that he had to try harder and give him something in return because affection was different for everybody.

“With the right relationship things are for free, they even have to be. As a parent you can't expect sacrifices, not ones that involve your fucking future, Hoseok. If you take a child, dress it up and give it food, is your job as a parent done? No, it's not, not at all. My mom didn't even once expect anything in return, Hoseok, not even once and she didn't fucking want me in the first place.” Hyungwon groaned and let go of his face, breathing deeply as he tried to calm himself. His long fingers sunk into the rips at his thighs, rubbing over his tattooed skin a little. “You can't just live for other people, it's wrong,” Hyungwon whispered, not looking up.

_His mom didn't want him?_

“But that's just how it is, Hyungwon, I'm glad that you are able to do sculpting, so that I can buy the outcome and be happy like this.” He smiled and brushed a blonde strand behind Hyungwon's tiny, curled ear. The other shuddered briefly at the action and sucked air through his plump lips.

“But you're supposed to do what you enjoy, without feeling guilty for it and giving your parents money,” the blonde boy murmured, still not looking up. “I can't believe they forced you to study something you didn't want and took away their support when you stopped. Doesn't this seem strange to you? Imagine, they would let you starve and struggle just because you decided to pursue light. Would that have been okay in your opinion?”

“I was an adult by then, so it didn't really matter, I just had to work more to support myself. You make it seem as if I'm some kind of charity case, I'm fine,” Hoseok whispered and returned to his sketch.

_You're here to adjust the light arrangement._

“You’re not a charity case, you seem to like your job and are amazing at what you do. It just-" Hyungwon swallowed and finally turned towards him again, keeping his palms on his thighs. “It just makes me sad that you would do so much for somebody who didn't support you in what makes you happy, apologizing as if you were at fault. You don't know whether they would have dropped you when you were younger. They could have forced you to follow their wishes. You don't know that, Hoseok. Fuck.” The blonde boy’s long fingers curled into fists.

He felt strange, there was an unfamiliar pulling in his chest when he thought about Hyungwon's words. Michal also didn't really get his passion or was interested in the things he liked, but he didn't have to, or did he?

“But you act as if other people have to deal with what I want. It's my problem, not theirs. Michal also never cared about what I liked but he doesn't have to, it's not his job or his responsibility. My parents are allowed to be unhappy about my selfish life choices after spending all that money on me, Hyungwon, maybe you don't understand because you're young or didn't have this problem in the first place, but that's how it works in reality. You know, you're telling me this right now, but my life and the people around me are telling a different story.” He glanced to the ceiling before closing his eyes. He wanted to be covered in darkness to calm down, to feel better.

Hyungwon removed the fingers of his right hand from the rip in his jeans and curled them around Hoseok’s instead, stroking over the back of his hand with his thumb.

“You're wrong, Hoseok. Fuck you for bringing my age into this but you are still wrong. Just because something is the case in reality, doesn't mean it's meant to be that way. Just because murders happen doesn't mean they are fucking meant to happen.” He could feel Hyungwon exhale against his lips. The other must have been close again. “Sure, Michal and your parents don't need to like what you like, but they need to have the decency to let you pursue it, or at least show the most basic interest, if you love it so much. That's what affection and love is all about, Hoseok. It doesn't matter how much money they spent or what you did in return, if they love you they should care about what makes you happy. The end.”

_That sucks._

“That's easy then. It just means that there's no one who loves me.” Sucking in a breath, he smiled and opened his eyes, staring into Hyungwon's big, brown orbs. “And I would definitely put a rotating platform in the middle, so you can turn the pieces and not go around them all the time.”

“T- that's-" Hyungwon stuttered, eyes even bigger than usual and lips parting and closing repeatedly. “That's not what I was trying to say at all, fuck. Tae loves you, he'd do everything for you. You’re really lovable, Hoseok, please don't think you aren't.” The blonde boy slipped a little closer again and grabbed his other hand in his as well, licking over his lips repeatedly. “Just because people don't treat you the way you deserve doesn't mean it's your fault, it's them being assholes for using you, guilt-tripping you all the time.”

_Why does he pity you and care so much about you?_

The strength with which Hyungwon held onto him increased for a few seconds as the boy closed his eyes.

“Fuck, I don't even really know them, Hoseok. Maybe there is more to what you told me, and they give you a lot. I'm sorry, fuck,” he murmured and just let go of his hands, curling his arms around Hoseok’s neck instead.

_He's pitying you because he thinks that no one cares about you._

“I don't need your pity, Hyungwon. And Tae is an exception in every way he could be. I'm not whining about it or anything, it's okay.” His body was strangely stiff as he tried to sketch a wheel, looking past Hyungwon's shoulders to distract himself.

“I don't pity you, only people that can't do anything about their misery deserve pity,” the other man murmured into the skin of his neck, pressing himself close. “I'm just angry at myself for judging even though I don't really know you. I'm so furious you couldn't do what you really love. I felt like dying when I couldn't, it literally hurt like someone set me on fire like a damn witch. I can't bear the thought you might have felt the same way.”

_But why?_

“First of all, I think that you're a hypocrite for telling me how you like one-night stands because you have to give things in a relationship, but at the same time saying that everything should be for free. Second, why would you care so much about how I felt? Don't you just want your working space to be done and stop dealing with me in peace? Isn't it why you didn't tell me that it was for you? Don't make me be more attached to you than I already am.” Contrary to his words, he dropped his pencil and curled both arms around Hyungwon's waist, pulling him closer and letting him take up the space between his legs.

“I'm not a hypocrite,” Hyungwon whispered but he sounded so much like a child with how his words were muffled by the skin of Hoseok’s neck. “Things are meant to be free in love and parental relationships. I don't love my one-night stands, it's more of a mutual agreement. Fuck, I don't even really bother with one-night stands much because it's so fucking hard to find someone who can deal with me. It's fucking complicated and in one-night stands people just want to get off. It's different.” Hoseok could feel the younger man's heart against his chest, beating furiously.

“I don't want to be done with you after this. Can't we just- I don't know- stay in contact?”

_Stay in contact? This asshole._

“You misunderstood, I meant that you prefer one-night stands over a relationship because it costs money, which makes you a hypocrite. But thank you for this introduction to your sexual activity. Why would anybody not deal with you? And I want to throw you out of the window for saying that you want to ‘stay in contact’.” Exhaling sharply, Hoseok leaned in and couldn't resist biting Hyungwon's shoulder lightly.

The blonde man gasped loudly, lifting his head and tensing in his arms for a few seconds.

“I'm not giving the person money in a fucking relationship, I just can't afford experiences, drinking coffee and going to the cinema. Giving is meant to be for free but it fucking sucks when there is absolutely nothing to give, fuck.” Hyungwon groaned and lifted his head, tightening his arms around Hoseok’s neck right after. “Why would you want to throw me out of the window? Cause you're so fucking strong?”

_Nothing to give? Why is he so dumb?_

“Because you're stupid. You're a stupid teenager,” he hissed into the other man's face.

Hyungwon's eyes narrowed as he suddenly grabbed a fistful of his hair and leaned in, biting down on Hoseok’s lower lip, not painful but still intense.

_Shit._

Hoseok barely contained a moan.

“Shut the fuck up,” Hyungwon hissed back and clashed their lips together, climbing onto Hoseok’s lap in a matter of seconds. “Fuck you, Hoseok, fuck you for making me act like this.”

“Don't act as if it's my fault,” he gasped and licked into Hyungwon's mouth, exhaling sharply and pulling the other man's hips further into his lap.

“You make me feel this way,” Hyungwon whispered against his mouth and parted his lips, thighs shivering on top of Hoseok’s. “So, it's your fault, fuck.”

“What about me? What about the way you make me feel, you asshole, making me go crazy and telling me to ‘stay in contact’,” he groaned and let his fingers slip under Hyungwon's oversized shirt, feeling hot skin under his fingertips.

“What else am I supposed to ask for if we're not friends? How else can I tell you that I want to see you, you stupid fucker? You don't even contact me,” the blonde man cursed before throwing his head back at the way Hoseok’s hands felt on his naked skin. His voice sounded desperate, interlaced with a moan when Hoseok’s fingers brushed over a sensitive nipple. “I don't fucking know what's happening, Hoseok, and it's not going away. What- what are you doing to me?”

_What is he doing to you, what are you doing to each other, Hoseok?_

“Do you think that we're friends? Do you want to be my friend and go for coffee together and talk about your stupid one-night stands while I whine about my shitty relationship? I'll contact you, let's drink wine and eat sushi instead of jumping each other every single time. What am I supposed to do if you're all I ever think about? Shit,” he groaned and licked a stripe along the other man's neck, kissing his jaw and lips hungrily.

“I want to do all that, I fucking do,” Hyungwon murmured and moaned, pulling Hoseok’s hair a little. “But-" The blonde man's brown eyes settled on his face, intense and impossible to look away from while long fingers pulled his hair. Hyungwon pressed a soft kiss to his lips, like a feather. It almost resembled a hint for what could have been once their lips met fully, tasting each other like they wanted to. “But I also want you to touch me, so fucking bad, Hoseok.”

“It would be easy if touching you was the only thing that I wanted,” he whispered and leaned in, sucking on the other man's plump lower lip. Hyungwon tasted so good, it was unfair.

“And what do you want?” the blonde boy whispered back, tracing the form of his lips with his pierced tongue. His voice seemed shaky, fitting to the way his lean thighs tightened around Hoseok’s and how his hands desperately tried to pull him closer.

“You- I want you, Hyungwon, fuck this.” Moaning, he leaned in and nibbled on the sensitive skin of the other man's neck, feeling how the thin threads of control slipped past him.

“Fuck, but- but why?” Hyungwon moaned and threw his head back, giving Hoseok more access to his neck and gasping at each caress and touch. “We always argue- and- you have a boyfriend and he gives you pleasure, so- fuck- why?”

_Why, Hoseok?_

The younger man's body was shaking as he melted in Hoseok’s touch. He resembled an open shell, showing him everything that was there like on a platter.

A thought materialized in his head and he felt adrenaline pump through his veins as he leaned back and looked at Hyungwon's parted lips and his big brown eyes.

_You're crazy, Hoseok._

“I don't want him, Hyungwon. I want you.”

 

***

 

Hyungwon had never felt the compulsion to punch a wall so intently in his life. Anger was bubbling under his skin, filling out his veins instead of blood and forcing him to curl his fingers into fists. He couldn’t express it physically, not when the people who deserved it the most weren’t even there.

_It’s not him, he didn’t do anything apart from giving them every fucking thing._

Hyungwon looked at Hoseok, at the way the older man placed lines on his sketch, unaware of being forced into a profession he didn’t enjoy and of being blackmailed by a boyfriend who cheated on him and gave him the fault for it. Instead of seeing all of this, Hoseok just blamed himself, buying shares to compensate for not doing what was asked of him, and beating himself up for being a horrible boyfriend and looking for affection somewhere else. It was frustrating, so fucking frustrating because Hyungwon could see it all, like a children’s book with gigantic font, so big that he couldn’t unsee it even if he wanted to.

_But he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t see that he’s not at fault._

His heart almost broke in two, anger flowing out of him like through a drain when Hoseok concluded that nobody loved him, with a smile even, as if it was the sad truth and he had already accepted it. It hurt to see, so fucking much that Hyungwon just wanted to attach himself to the other man and give him all the affection he deserved and more. His hands burned at the wish to curl them around the black-haired man’s neck, to whisper that it wasn’t him, not at all. It was them for expecting him to give, receiving nothing in return, not even anything material.

He couldn’t resist, not with the expression on the beautiful, pale face, focusing on the sheet of paper and trying to talk about anything apart from the matter at hand. His arms curled tightly around Hoseok’s neck and he pressed himself to the other man’s body as well as he could, breathing in his scent of coffee and freshly washed clothes and forcing himself to calm down, to explain.

Hoseok was right, it might have sounded hypocritical to say that in a relationship everything was meant to be for free, given out of the pure wish to give, but it wasn’t okay to only take and expect, without giving affection back. It was wrong.

It made no sense at all, it seemed like they were talking in different languages, saying one thing but bringing across a different meaning, just upsetting each other and spiraling the situation out of hand. Hyungwon couldn’t take being insulted, called a teenager that didn’t understand anything, not when Hoseok was the one who allowed everybody to use him like that, naive to their intentions and what was really happening.

It hurt to hear it and it hurt to know that there was nothing he could do about it. They weren’t even friends. What else was he supposed to ask for apart from staying in contact? What was okay? What fit their relationship? He didn’t fucking know because there was no relationship, none that either of them was able to understand.

_Because you just want everything, like a child._

He attached his lips to Hoseok’s firm neck, nibbling along the warm, pale skin while wishing to do everything the older man mentioned, meet for coffee, look at pictures in galleries together, eat sushi on the floor of his studio or drink wine at Hoseok’s apartment. He wanted all of it, but at the same time it wasn’t enough, not at all.

Hyungwon let their lips touch, softly at first, while letting his hands run over the other man’s shoulders and back, gasping at the feeling of Hoseok’s fingers under his shirt, stroking along his ribs and waist. It was selfish, focused on his personal desire to be close without being able to give anything in return, nothing that would have been of value to Hoseok. He could only sit on his lap and ask to be touched, greedily like a child that didn’t know better.

_You should have just shut up._

“It would be easy if touching you was the only thing that I wanted,” the older man whispered against his lips, like he hadn’t just said too much, revealed something he shouldn’t have, desired something that wasn’t his to have. It wasn't his to have if he couldn’t reciprocate.

_But what does he want if it’s not this?_

“And what do you want?” he asked, barely regaining control of his voice, too soft and vulnerable to his own ears.

“You- I want you, Hyungwon, fuck this.”

Hyungwon didn’t even have the possibility to react with how quickly the older man attached his lips to his own, pulling him close against his chest and covering him in warmth, setting his senses on fire. It didn’t make sense, none at all. Why would Hoseok want him, him with all those things the other man disliked, be it lack of education, drugs or tattoos. It might not have been relevant when they talked about light, but it should have been relevant for everything else. They only argued, meeting each other in a spark of anger only to crack and wish to be close. There was no proper explanation, none that could have explained everything.

He tried to ask, forcing the words out of his throat, pointing out that Hoseok had a boyfriend, a boyfriend that was able to please him. There was nothing that Hyungwon had to offer that Michal wasn’t able to give the black-haired man. Nothing at all, apart from an interest in light and that alone didn’t explain the touches, the sensation of teeth against his neck that drove him crazy, unable to contain the moans that repeatedly left his throat.

_He shouldn’t be wanting you, he has him._

Unexpectedly, the curved lips left the base of his throat and Hoseok leaned back, staring at him with big, almost black eyes that reflected the light of the small LED lamp the other man had placed next to them. The seconds felt like minutes with the intensity of the other man’s gaze, forcing Hyungwon to hold his breath.

“I don't want him, Hyungwon. I want you.”

_No._

Hyungwon’s eyes widened even though he didn’t want to show his response on his face, lips parting and air remaining in his throat. The lack of oxygen made it easy to listen to the blood rushing in his ears, repeating the words he had just heard in his head.

He wanted to reply, he did, staring at the beautiful pale face and noticing how the seconds ticked by, almost loud enough to hear even though it would have been impossible.

_What do you have that Michal does not? What can you give him, Hyungwon? Wouldn’t it be the same?_

“Why me, Hoseok?” he whispered, shaking at the thoughts that intertwined in his head, not allowing him to press more than a few words past his lips. His chest hurt from the confusion, fear taking over in addition to the wish to be close.

_What does that mean? What is he going to do? Are you breaking something, Hyungwon?_

Hoseok kept looking at him, observing his face and the look in his eyes, before a smile appeared on the other man's face.

“I don't know.”

It looked beautiful, so beautiful that Hyungwon reached out and brushed over Hoseok’s cheek with his thumb, inhaling sharply at the sight. It seemed like they were caught in some kind of plot, one they had no influence on, just meeting and acting the way they were expected to instead of how they should have. Like weak characters without any restraint.

“I feel like if we were in a horror movie I’d die first at this point, fuck,” he murmured and bit his lip, circling his arm around Hoseok’s neck so that he was able to lean in without removing his palm from the black-haired man’s cheek. “Why don’t I have any control over this? What can I even offer you, Hoseok? Why would you want me? I thought you don’t even like me.”

“But it's not that I don't like you,” the other man whispered against his lips, closing his eyes as soon as he came a little closer to his lips, eyelashes fluttering like tiny butterfly wings, the shadows falling on the other man's pale cheeks. “I want you because you're a hypocrite.”

_Because you say one thing but do another?_

“What do you mean? I thought I’m everything on the long list of things you dislike,” he replied quietly and pressed his lips to the other man’s warm ones for a few seconds, just because he wanted to see him close his eyes again. It looked so fascinating, Hyungwon could have watched the way Hoseok’s eyelashes were arranged for hours, irregular but so gorgeous. Hyungwon couldn’t have sculpted that, never.

“Think whatever you like. You're telling me how affection should be free and bullshit me about not having anything to offer. You don't want to be affectionate? Why are you touching and kissing me then?” Hoseok licked over his lips and kept his eyes closed.

_Your affection? He only wants your affection?_

“But I am affectionate,” Hyungwon murmured, stroking over Hoseok’s back to the soft strands of his hair, brushing through them with his long fingers. “But it isn’t enough, is it? Why would it be enough?”

“What do you think I'm expecting from you? I said that I want you. I didn't tell you what to do and I don't expect you to do anything either, you asked me- and that's just what the answer sounds like. What do you want, Hyungwon?” The other man's hands moved over his naked back while Hoseok exhaled softly against his lips. It was so tempting, so tempting to just scream the answer at him and forget everything, melt into the hot touch and forget about everything else.

Everything, Hyungwon wanted everything like a greedy bastard.

“I don’t know,” he whispered, lying right into the other man’s face and chewing on his cheek. He glanced to the side to avoid the penetrating gaze. There was no way that he could just grab Hoseok like this and take him for himself, not with how he barely had any time and would end up being just like the person he wanted the beautiful, older man to escape from. It wasn’t okay and not for him to decide. “I want to be close, but-”

_Who the fuck are you to take him from his boyfriend and treat him like shit in the end, Hyungwon? He deserves better than that. You told him yourself that it’s not his fault for not getting what he deserves, it’s other people that treat him like this._

Hyungwon didn’t want to be like that.

“You want to be close, but? It's okay.” Hoseok opened his eyes and looked at him for a few seconds, before moving his hands and pulling Hyungwon down from his lap as if nothing happened. A sharp inhale was the only sign of misery as Hoseok curled his fingers around his abandoned pencil and leaned over the sketch paper, drawing something on top of the wheel he had depicted in the middle of the room.

His heart almost dropped to his stomach at the sight, breaths picking up and panic rising as he watched, watched the way lines appeared and the other man occupied himself with something else, thinking something he didn’t know and couldn’t argue against.

_He will think you don’t want this._

It had been the usual excuse, saying ‘I don’t mind A, but-’ but meaning that one fucking did. His fingers were shaking as he tried to put them somewhere, so it wasn’t obvious, ending up with his thighs, digging into the uncovered golden skin at the rips. He was scared, so fucking scared that Hoseok wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him, even though it might have been the better choice.

_You hurt each other._

Hyungwon wasn’t self-conscious, not at all. He knew his worth and he knew he was beautiful and affectionate, but there were cases when he really didn’t know if he was the right person, if he could offer what was needed. He was just twenty, he had no fucking idea what Hoseok needed, what he expected, what made him happy. He just didn’t fucking know, and it was scary to imagine that he was breaking something without knowing how to mend it. Fuck.

_The two of you just argue, do you even get along?_

“There is no ‘but’,” he whispered, closing his eyes instantly because he didn’t know what to expect. He didn’t want Hoseok to look hurt, not because of him. “I just don’t know what to do about it. That’s what I meant.”

Hoseok hummed, adding more pencil strokes and not looking up at all.

“You don't need to do anything, just do what you want and like, you're the one who can do it way better than I can.” Hoseok's low voice vibrated in the air for a few moments before it disappeared while the pencil scratching over the paper was the only sound left.

Hyungwon’s eyes burned because it sounded final, like Hoseok was just going to deal with his bullshit without caring about himself. It was so stupid, so fucking stupid and sacrificial that he wanted to punch him.

“I don’t want to just do whatever I want, you idiot, I’m not the only person here. I don’t want to treat you like that,” he hissed and bit down on his lip painfully, wanting to return to the previous proximity. Like this, it felt as if Hoseok could just leave and he wouldn't be able to fix anything. It hurt.

“Look,” Hoseok pointed at the paper, ignoring his comment. The other man had drawn his sculpture on the wheel, the one he had sculpted out of blue marble, for Hoseok.

Hyungwon wanted to cry.

“You- you can’t just tell me to do whatever the fuck I want and just walk all over you and then draw the one thing that shows how much I care about you on that stupid paper, you asshole,” he murmured and rubbed over his eyes, hoping it would stop him from cracking in the middle of the night in front of the black-haired man like a hopeless kid. It had been a really long day, fuck.

Hyungwon inhaled sharply and held his breath to stop the emotional outburst, focusing on the way Hoseok’s knuckles looked while he held the pen, no hair in sight on his fingers. He had beautiful hands, just like the drawing on the paper, features perfect, almost like a photograph. The black-haired man must have studied it for hours to be able to recreate it like that. “Fuck.”

_Because he cares, he fucking cares._

“I am indeed. An asshole I mean. And I'm still not over the fact that you made a sculpture of me. Nobody has ever done something like this. Thank you.” Hoseok smiled to himself and drew some shadows next to the drawn sculpture.

“No, you’re not, they are just selfish bastards,” Hyungwon replied, still trying to fight the tears collecting in his eyes and staring at the gorgeous drawing. Hoseok had talent, so much talent, only to be forced to do something he didn’t really like in the first place. It was so fucking unfair, just like the fact that Hyungwon didn’t know how to justify wanting him for himself. He couldn’t just decide that he would just do as he liked, not with how often they argued and Hoseok ended up hurt. His thoughts were a mess and so were the conclusions, fuck. He was too emotional for this. “Your drawing- it’s perfect.”

“Not quite, I need better lighting. You must be tired right? Could you just give me the keys? I'd need to come by more often starting next week and you can live in peace till it's done,” Hoseok murmured and drew cupboards and a big wooden desk, even hinting at the annual rings in the wood.

They must have really been speaking different languages, talking but not getting any meaning across.

“So that I don’t see you at all? You don’t write to me unless you need something, be it the keys or sushi. I won’t see you at all like that,” he whispered and reached out, curling his long fingers around Hoseok’s thigh, unable to help it. It was unfair, unfair how Hoseok was able to seem so unbothered whereas he felt like dying.

_You don’t even know what wanting you means, Hyungwon. You’re just assuming._

“But how would it be different if I wrote you that I want to meet you? Isn't it the same?” The other man's round eyes focused on him finally, showing so well how Hoseok must've been feeling while drawing. His face was way more emotional than his voice was.

“No, it’s not, because I always thought you needed me for something, Hoseok. It’s not the same at all. That’s why I am so shocked that you would want me, I thought it was only when we were close, suddenly, like a spark between us, I don’t even know.” His voice was fast, responding to the emotionality in the other man’s face. His body was moving closer without him even realizing, fingers already stroking over Hoseok’s hair and curling an arm around him.

“A spark? It's an explosion, Hyungwon, I don't even know what I would do if I didn't have this voice in my head, telling me that I'm a bad person for even thinking about touching you,” the other man whispered against his neck, both arms curling around his waist again, as if they belonged there.

Hoseok was feeling bad, feeling bad and guilty for wanting to be close to him even though he had someone else. Someone who cheated on him on a regular basis and treated him like shit. But if Hoseok wanted him instead, how could he be sure that he was the better choice?

_You’re still just assuming. You have no idea if it's what you think. He might just want you physically, Hyungwon. It's always about touching, isn't it?_

“I don’t know if I understand, Hoseok. What does wanting me mean for you? Do you- want to have sex with me?”

“You think that’s what this is about?” Hoseok leaned back and looked absolutely shaken and disappointed. “Oh god, I want it to be dark,” the other man's voice whispered as he looked down.

_You were right, it’s not that fucking simple, Hyungwon. There you go hurting him again._

That was exactly the reason they weren't compatible.

“Fuck, no, I didn’t. I just- I didn’t want to assume that you want- me as a whole,” he murmured and attempted to hug Hoseok so that the older man was able to hide his face in his shoulder while he himself looked up to the ceiling. If Hoseok didn’t want him to see his face, then he wasn’t going to look, as easy as that.

_He wants to be with you, Hyungwon, doesn’t he?_

“Just look at us,” he said with a chuckle and brushed through Hoseok’s hair repeatedly. “I just tried to be realistic for once instead of playing out my own gay fairy tale.”

He almost laughed at how stupid that sounded, his own version of Cinde-fucking-rella.

“I need to get my situation sorted out first, let's call it a day and meet Tuesday. I'll write you, I promise.” Hoseok leaned back and licked over his lips before closing the distance and kissing him carefully, as if scared to break something.

_His relationship, he wants to break his relationship, doesn’t he?_

Hyungwon closed his eyes, focusing on the softness of the touch, of how calm it should have made him feel. Instead his heart beat furiously in his chest and his arms tightened around the other man’s neck. Still he hummed in agreement, slowly loosening his grip and slipping off Hoseok’s lap. He didn’t want to, but he didn’t have much of a choice. It was already early morning and he had work the next day. As always.

_Which is why you are bad dating material, Hyungwon. You don’t even have time for yourself, what dating?_

He didn't want to be a charity case.

_

 

It was pitch dark when he opened his eyes at his mom’s shared apartment, fumbling around blindly until he finally found the switch of the bathroom light, giving him enough illumination to see. It was always the same, panicking for a few seconds and then dealing with the aftermath for the next hour. His head hurt, and his eyes burned. They hadn’t stopped burning since he had left the studio and sat down on his motorcycle, telling himself it was a mixture of wind and fatigue.

He should have been considerate, just gone to bed and forgotten about his issues. But instead of falling on top of his bed and ignoring everything, he carefully opened the door to his mom’s bedroom and sneaked inside, throwing his shoes off carelessly and slipping under the warm blanket next to the only person he allowed to see him weak, upset and close to tears.

“I don’t know what to do,” he whispered and curled his arms around the slim waist, burying his face in a warm chest and calming his breathing, thoughts of everything that he struggled with piling up. Self-pity was scary and came crashing in like a fucking wave, but it wasn’t really about him this time. “I don’t want to hurt him, fuck, why does everything have to be so fucking complicated.”

His mother cleared her throat and immediately sunk her fingers into his hair, stroking it slowly.

“What happened? Is it still the same story? With the architect?” she asked, voice sleepy.

“I want him, mom, I want him so fucking bad,” Hyungwon whispered, scared by how his voice sounded, rough and so close to breaking. It must have been the words, pouring out without a filter and not giving a single shit whether he wanted them to be true or not.

“He’s perfect and I want him, but he has a boyfriend, but that guy is such an asshole and cheats and I want to tell him, make sure he gets away from that fucker. He only uses him, mom, the whole fucking time, for money, for sex, guilt-tripping him because he kissed me. He’s such a horrible person, but if I tell him, what does that make me? Isn’t it like I’m the one who wants him and therefore ruins his relationship? What the fuck do I know? They dated for two years, there has to be something to him, what if they figured it out if I just shut the fuck up? But I don't want to shut up, I want him, fuck. Today he said he wants me too, but- what if he leaves him because of me? What the hell am I supposed to do then? I’m a shitty boyfriend, I can’t even take care of myself, have way too much work, am difficult to satisfy and probably don’t know shit in his opinion because I’m so young. I don't want him to provide for me either, I want to be independent.”

_Hoseok has no fucking idea what he’s signing up for and you don't want to be a charity case._

He didn’t even realize when the tears had begun to drip down his cheeks and soak the oversized t-shirt his mother was sleeping in. It sounded so fucking hopeless and he didn’t know what to do.

“I’m basically everything he hates, why would he suddenly want me? What if he ruins his relationship for me and then there is just this disappointment left because there is nothing I can give him? What if he ruins it for nothing? Fuck, I don’t want him to do that.”

“But he's an adult, Hyungwon, just like you. He would have thought about it, don't you think?” The low voice was comforting next to his ear. Hyungwon curled his arms further and tried to breathe properly and keep the tears from falling down his cheeks, burning along the skin.

“I don’t know, he seems just as lost, Mom. I can’t just expect him to deal with everything that I throw his way, can I? He has no idea what he is signing up for. What if he’s just emotional because of my sculptures?”

_That’s bullshit, it was the same before he knew it was you._

He sniffed a few times, overwhelmed by how he just broke down, unable to calm his nerves and feelings.

“I have no time to like anybody, fuck, why am I like this?”

“Don't be childish, you have the right to like someone just like anybody else does, Hyungwon. It doesn't matter how much time or money you have; the most important thing is to communicate well. Melissa is also gone most of the time, but that's just what comes with being the sexy independent woman she is.” His mother chuckled briefly. “What does he want?”

“Me,” Hyungwon whispered, remembering the way the older man had told him, staring into his eyes as if it had been new to him as well. “He said he wants me.”

_She said communication is key, but you just didn't say anything, neither that you want him, nor that Michal is cheating on him._

“He told you that? Then what's the problem? You must've told him how you feel, I don't get the point.” Warm lips pressed a kiss on his forehead.

_No, you were being a liar and hurtful._

“I said I don't know and asked if he wants to fuck me, like an idiot,” Hyungwon muttered and wanted to throw his head against the wall at the stupidity. Of course, Hoseok had been hurt, fuck. “I did tell him that I want to be touched and that there is a spark between us, but- fuck- I'm such an idiot. What if I'm breaking everything? This isn't a sculpture, I can't just try again, shit.”

“You did what? But why, Hyungwon? Aren't you normally someone who is honest about his feelings? I'm genuinely surprised. Why would a person spend this insane amount of energy just to have sex, sex is usually really easy to have?” His mother leaned back and looked at him intently.

“I don't know, mom, I got scared. I don't know if I want to date, and I don't want him to drop everything for me. I don't want to hurt him by sucking at this in the end, fuck.” He groaned at his own stupidity and lifted his right arm to rub the tears from his eyes, that were blurring his vision. “I want him, but I'm scared of the consequences, like a child.”

“You know, I always say that if fear is the only thing preventing you from doing something, you should definitely do it? Yeah, that. You seem to really like him, I'd love to see the person who managed to make my son feel like this.” A bright smile spread on his mother's face and she hugged him tightly.

“Every time you say, ‘my son’, I feel approximately 15 years younger,” Hyungwon murmured, but leaned into the embrace anyway, thinking about what the words entailed. She had said that communication was key, he had to talk and to say the truth, didn’t he?

_Do you remember how hurt he was when you didn’t tell him who you were? That._

He couldn’t help but remember how his mother had told him to tell Hoseok, that saying it early on would have spared them a lot of misunderstandings.

_Why do you always delay everything until the last moment?_

Hyungwon really hoped he was able to prevent it this time.

_

 

Hyungwon felt awkward in the coffee shop Taehyung had brought him to. He had asked for a quiet place, but the dark wood, strange patterns on the tables and glass orbs all over the place just screamed esoterica and woke the wish to run as fast as he was able to.

Maybe it was also the topic of conversation, but Hyungwon hadn’t gotten that far yet.

“Again, thanks for the coffee,” he murmured and wondered when he would be able to meet the crazily dressed man without having him pull money out of his purse. “This place is rather- different.”

“It has my kind of energy, and they have the best chai. The coffee is also okay.” Taehyung grinned and pulled the black shirt with a huge yellow egg in the middle out of his pants and spread his legs. Sometimes Hyungwon wished he would give as little shits as the brown-haired man.

“I kinda wanted to talk about something slightly different today. Michal to be honest,” he began and took a sip of his coffee to collect his wits. He didn’t have issues talking about important topics, but he hated it when these topics could hurt someone.

_And this one definitely will._

“Mhm, I hate that fucker,” Tae commented and took a sip of something that resembled milk tea.

“I kinda- I saw him,” Hyungwon murmured and wondered how the hell one told people that their best friend’s boyfriend cheated. What words were okay?  He had no idea, they all seemed too harsh, but he had never been good with words. “Okay, fuck this, I’m really not good at being considerate with what I say. I saw him make out with other guys, repeatedly, for months, Tae. I work at this bar and he always comes there, drinking Zombies with random dudes and taking them home to fuck as far as I can tell.”

_That sounded harsh._

But it also was, there was no point in sugarcoating the fact that Michal was a manipulative bastard that treated Hoseok like shit.

Hyungwon curled his fingers around his cup and pushed it back and forth from one hand to the other while watching the brown-haired man’s facial expression intently.

_If you want him to be happier, isn't leaving Michal the first step? He only hurts him._

But then again so did Hyungwon.

“You saw? You saw it? This trash human, I knew it,” Taehyung hissed, and his expression changed to something extremely dangerous. “I thought so, but I had no proof. A friend told me once, but I couldn't tell Hoseok because I didn't see for myself and the guy is not close to Hoseok, so he didn't say anything.”

“I- I didn’t say anything for the same reason, who the hell am I to tell Hoseok that his boyfriend is a cheating piece of shit? At first, I wasn’t really sure if they had an open relationship or whatever, but now that Michal blames Hoseok for kissing me- it’s just fucking wrong. But I can’t tell him, it just seems like I am doing it for selfish reasons, so that he isn’t taken anymore, and I really don’t want it to look like that, Tae.” Hyungwon groaned and buried his head in his arms, pushing the coffee to the side. “I don’t want him to think I’m telling him that because I want him. I think it’s just safer for you to decide whether it's better to tell him or not. I don’t want him to get hurt anymore and think he is an asshole for wanting somebody else, especially not with the way Michal treats him.”

“You know, I really like you.” Taehyung smiled while looking into his tea cup before his eyes met his, staring a hole into his face. “But you're a bit of a coward, aren't you? I don't meant to insult you or anything, there are quite some words that are better, but your explanation just tells me the story of you wanting Hoseok but being afraid to possibly upset him with the knowledge you have about his shit boyfriend. Also, you telling me to decide whether to tell Hoseok about it or not. I have to disappoint you, gorgeous person, I'm not easy like that. You have to decide whether and when you're going to tell him. Yourself, because you were the one to see. I hate him, and my mouth itches to tell Hoseok about it, but the problem is also that it might not have the right effect because I tell him every day.” The brown-haired man blinked once but kept his gaze focused.

_Well, fuck._

There was something slightly scary to Taehyung on top of the sweet smile and nonchalant behavior, especially when his words were as true as it gets.

“Maybe I should just tattoo ‘coward’ on my forehead already and be done with it,” he murmured and lifted his head, emptying his cup of coffee and burning his mouth a little. “Fuck, I know I should tell him. Even my mom told me to stop being a coward, fuck my life.”

_You’ll have to do it yourself, Hyungwon._

“The tattoo won't help. But if you get one, get it on your hip bone, it's pretty.” The other man's face changed to the cute, bright smile again, as if the scary expression hadn't been there in the first place. “But I see that you want him, and he wants you too? Did I get it right?”

_Smooth, Hyungwon, fucking smooth._

“Ehm, yeah?” he tried and laughed at his own attempt to hide what he was thinking. It was so pointless with the ridiculously attentive man in front of him. “Yeah, but I fucked up by not telling him that I want him too, because I am a coward, remember? I’ll kinda have to work on that, preferably before he ditches my ass for being indecisive. Fucking hell. Also, for the record, I already have tattoos on my hip bones, I can show you sometime.”

“Wow, you're a tease, I like that. With Hoseok it's rather complicated to find out what he thinks, besides when he looks you straight in the face, then it's easy, but he tries not to do it because he knows. He must be really hooked on you if he decided to tell you,” Tae murmured and drank the rest of his tea, crossing his legs and leaning back against the green chair.

_Because it was fucking intense._

“It was rather- I don’t even know how to describe it. We kissed in my studio and there isn’t even any furniture, so we were sitting on the floor and I was on his lap and we were kissing and talking about all of it being a mess. I asked him what he wanted, and he just said that he wants me. Fuck, you can’t even imagine, Tae, his face. I tried to be reasonable and told him all those reasons why he shouldn’t be wanting me because he has a boyfriend and I’m not really what he likes in a person and then he just- then he just fucking said that he doesn't want him, but me. I just panicked, fuck my life.” Hyungwon reached out and squeezed Taehyung’s hand because he needed to get his grip back, preferably before he freaked out and decided not to tell Hoseok that he actually wanted him more than anything else.

_Why would you tell him all that, Hyungwon? Oh god._

“That sounds intense, he must've really meant it.” Taehyung took his hand in both of his big palms, they were similar in size to his own. “I can also remember us being emotional and crying because of an argument when he had an argument with his parents, and I felt so sorry that I panicked and apologized for not wanting him to fuck me out of the blue and he stared at me for a minute before nudging me to Mars. I can understand the panic, it can happen.”

_Wait, what?_

Hyungwon burst out laughing at that, not expecting the story at all. Funnily enough it was easy to imagine Hoseok nudging the brown-haired man to Mars, he had seen it before.

“I think I’d be going further than Mars if he’d nudge me,” he murmured until he suddenly remembered his glorious fuck up. “I can’t believe he didn’t after I asked whether he just wanted to fuck me. Oh god.”

“He probably didn't because it's not the truth but also not a lie. He must've been hurt by that, Hoseok is not a person who lives out his sexuality freely, he had only been in strange relationships before, so it must sound extremely harsh to him.” The brown haired man stroked over his hand in thought.

“I know, I apologized right after. I panicked because I thought I was concluding that he wants to date me all by myself. You know, he did accuse me of hoeing around before, so the thing with not being open sexually was kind of obvious with him. Just that he did so much that speaks against that since then, showing me things and doing pretty crazy stuff for me.” Hyungwon sighed and tried not to think too much about the way Hoseok had looked in the arranged light, naked and touching himself.

_You still have to tell him instead of thinking with your dick, Hyungwon._

“He's finally hooked, really hooked. I don't mean to pressure you, but don't be an asshole to him, I know that he's way older than you, but he can be a child sometimes, so I'm protective of him, please understand,” the other man muttered and lifted his palm, placing a kiss on top of his hand and grinning.

“I- I won’t. I’ll tell him myself, Tae, I swear,” he replied quietly and hoped that he wouldn’t panic until Tuesday or Wednesday which was when Hoseok intended to write to him again. He had to do it, to get his shit together and stop playing push and pull.

_Just be yourself, Hyungwon, you’re good at that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 9th of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You make the darkness bearable, Hoseok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

_You need to break up._

Hoseok had never broken up with anybody before, it had always been mutual somehow, agreeing on the end of the relationship and moving on with their respective lives.

_But you need to tell him. He deserves to know the truth and to have the time and space to move on._

He couldn't and didn't want to do it over the phone, so they decided to meet up on Monday evening, just before he was to meet the blonde boy.

_But Hyungwon isn't very enthusiastic about it, is he? He said he wants to be close, but-._

It had been pretty easy actually, if someone wanted to be close, but- meant they just wanted sex. Or they didn't want it anymore. It just didn't fit with how Hyungwon had been behaving towards him, how the blonde boy got constantly hurt by his words and longed for contact.

_He must be enjoying your company too, at least a little bit, or not?_

Hoseok was hopeless, thinking about the gorgeous blonde man even though he should've been feeling bad about his decision to end his relationship.

_You do feel like shit._

Michal relied on him a lot with several things and they had been dating for two years already, they had sex and they knew each other pretty well. Hoseok was sorry. He really was. He had spent the two days after his talk with Hyungwon thinking about what to do. The conclusion had always been the same. He shouldn't have been feeling what he felt towards Hyungwon. It was so strong that it threw a shadow over everything he had felt or cared about before. He wasn't really himself, he neglected his relationship and his duties, doing unnecessary stuff, but on the other hand-

_On the other hand, you really love shadows._

He knew that it would be hard to talk to Michal, to tell him that he thought about another person so much that he couldn't stay in a relationship with him, while feeling like this and that he was sorry about everything, including the kisses and touches Hyungwon and him shared while he had still been in this relationship.

_Maybe you can see Hyungwon's face once, today, before you meet Michal tomorrow?_

He really wanted to, and it was hard to resist as he had known that the other man had his shift at the bar.

_Just five minutes and then you'll go home and sleep._

He threw on his leather jacket and walked out of the house. It was raining.

_It's okay, because you can see him in a bit._

Hoseok let the drops hit his face and thought whether it was okay to feel excited even though he would be hurting someone the next day because of his own inability to contain his feelings.

His hair was a little wet when he entered the bar, his lips spread in a smile and forced his eyes to give in, forming crescents after spotting Hyungwon's beautiful face. The tall man was shaking the cocktail shaker while chewing on his cheek and glancing towards customers who sat across from him and were kissing intensely.

Looking closer something caught his eye, one of the men seemed strangely familiar. He was wearing a light green Gucci shirt, it almost looked like the one he had given Michal for his birthday last year, along with other things.

_Are you blind? Why would it be him, Hoseok, he has his tongue in the other guy’s throat._

He had almost shaken his head at his thoughts when the said man leaned back a little and grinned.

_It's him. Hoseok, it's him, fuck._

He turned towards a standing table and inhaled sharply, trying to calm down, before glancing towards the bar again.

Hyungwon had put two glasses in front of his boyfriend and the other man, smiling briefly, before Michal pulled his black-haired company into a rough kiss. Just how he liked doing it with Hoseok.

_He's cheating. He's doing this and Hyungwon knows. Hyungwon knows it, he watches it as if he's not surprised._

Hoseok didn't even know what hurt more, the fact that his boyfriend made out with another guy, openly, in a bar, or that Hyungwon watched the whole thing as if it was okay.

_He even told you that Michal probably loves you and all that buzz, asshole._

There was a chuckle next to him, while a girl pointed in the direction of Michal and his company, who basically made out full force and leaned in towards her friend.

“Look, the guy with the brown hair, he's always here and he always has someone else, wow, goals.”

Hoseok wanted to vomit. Shaking his head briefly, he turned towards the bar counter and stared at Hyungwon, until the other man's eyes suddenly met his.

_He knew it all along, didn't he?_

He really hated his face, especially in moments like this, everybody could've read what he thought, just by looking at him. His eyes burned, and he turned around and left, walking through the wet streets and getting soaked, but he didn't even care. It was strange how the way there and back were similar, just his feelings weren't.

_He didn't tell you because he wants you to be taken, does he? He just wants to be close while knowing that you won't be able to do or want much because you're taken._

It hurt. It hurt so much. It hurt to come back home and kick away his shoes and be welcomed by one of Hyungwon's sculptures, just to remind him of what had happened and that the blonde boy just let him be the idiot.

_He was probably right telling you that you're stupid. You really are._

Hoseok didn't want to see anyone or to feel anything, he just wanted darkness, so he undressed completely and slipped under his blanket before turning off every light there was and pulling down his roller blinds.

_If it's dark, no-one can see how much it hurts._

The sound of his doorbell ripped him out of his half sleepy state. He had no idea what time it was or how much time passed, the only thing he knew was that the bell didn't stop ringing.

_You have to open, it won't stop._

Crawling out of his bed, Hoseok grabbed the black silk robe from the hook on the door before wrapping it tightly around his body and stumbled out, waking through the dark hallway and finally arriving at the doorbell, sounds penetrating his ears mercilessly.

He pushed the handle down and stared, a little blinded by the light coming from the outside. A shadow covered the bright light for a brief moment until he felt cold arms around his neck, followed by a completely soaked body that pressed to his chest. The air that brushed his neck was the only warm sensation.

_It's him._

He almost started crying, it was pathetic, really.

“Why are you here? Go back,” he said with his low voice that didn't give in to emotional response, unlike his face.

He could feel Hyungwon shake his head vigorously and a few drops left the wet strands of his hair and landed on Hoseok’s clothed shoulders, soaking through the robe.

“I feel like you will never talk to me again if I leave right now,” the familiar voice whispered against the skin of his neck, rough like it hadn’t been in use for a long time. “I still can’t believe you opened the door. Please listen to me, Hoseok.”

“Why should I listen to you? So, you can tell me another story I'll immediately believe, because I'm dumb?” he whispered in reply and moved back, unwilling to stand in the light and wishing to go back into the familiar darkness.

“I didn’t tell you the story, Hoseok, I was just stupid enough not to say anything, thinking it was none of my business,” Hyungwon whispered and Hoseok could feel how the younger man’s arms tightened around his neck and the slim body turned stiff the further they moved into his apartment.

_It's not his business? He doesn't want it to be his business._

“I'm not going to turn on the light, so leave,” he whispered, feeling how the lump inside his throat moved up and threatened to make the tears spill. Again, the younger man just shook his head furiously, only holding on tighter and exhaling against his neck like he had run up the stairs, quick and harsh.

“I won’t leave,” he gasped, voice barely audible.

He felt resignation, like so often. He just slammed the door shut and stayed in the hallway, with Hyungwon's soaked body attached to his own. He had to remind himself not to touch the other man, not to curl his arms around him and press him closer to his body. None of it.

“I'll finish the studio for you, Hyungwon. You don't need to do this,” he said, voice just a hint of its usual strength, and felt how the first tear made its way over his cheek and dropped down.

“It’s not about the damn studio, Hoseok, not at all.” Hyungwon shook his head again, as if he needed to support his words with actions, keeping his body completely still apart from that. He must have been scared. “I wanted to tell you, I prepared to, I swear, I wanted to tell you on Tuesday, I can’t believe my shitty luck. I’m an idiot for not telling you earlier. I know that, but back then I was nobody. You hated me, you even said so, made fun of my tattoos and my clothes, so who was I to tell you that your boyfriend comes to my bar all the time- with other people? You wouldn’t have believed me and even if you did, who was I to be telling you that?”

_Excuses._

It still felt like a bunch of stupid excuses after Hyungwon had had so many possibilities to tell him.

“First, I thought that you were annoying, then I was happy that you shared my passion about light, after that I thought we were friends, until we became something different up to the moment when I told you that I want you. You've had so many possibilities to tell me, but you still preferred not to. But thank you for being consistent with the ‘I want to be close, but keep your cheating boyfriend, so it doesn't get complicated’.” He was crying, and it hurt so much. He was happy that it was dark.

_Why are you even crying? It's always the same._

“I- what? No,” Hyungwon muttered, lifting his head for a few seconds only to press it right back to Hoseok’s neck. His nose was almost digging into the area between his collarbone and shoulder. “No, no no no, it’s not like that at all, fuck.”

Hyungwon’s voice broke uncharacteristically, moving up an octave for a few sounds until it returned to its low timbre. It seemed like the blonde’s slim body was shaking against him. His long fingers lost grip repeatedly.

“I just didn’t want to be the selfish asshole that ruins your relationship because he wants you. I’m a coward, Hoseok, I just don’t feel confident that I can make you happier than that. What if I break everything and then you are stuck with the thought that I’m the reason for your misery? I don’t want to take away and leave you with nothing, who the fuck am I to do that?”

_He accuses you of thinking that he's a shitty person, but it's him who thinks that of himself._

“An idiot,” he whispered, sucking in a breath and trying to stop the tears.

“I am, I’m an idiot, and a coward. I was too fucking afraid to tell you that I want you too in the studio, I don’t know why, Hoseok. I just panicked. I never struggle with saying what I think, but I just panicked and couldn't get it out. I’m- I’m so fucking sorry,” Hyungwon whispered, voice only shaking more and more the longer he talked. It sounded like something was blocking his throat. The blonde boy paused frequently before he finally continued speaking. “I just can’t fucking do things right, fuck. Of course, I’m single, I panic like a damn teenager, afraid of disappointing and not opening my fucking mouth unless it’s an insult, shit.”

He really wanted to stop crying, but Hyungwon's words in combination with his emotional voice made it only worse.

“I hate you for making me feel like this, for giving me the feeling that I'm an idiot, for keeping the nice illusion of something that wasn't there and taking care of it. You said it wasn't your fucking business, but you still told me that he probably loves me and all that, was that more of your business? I can't even move around at home without being reminded of you, everything is you, I hate this.” His voice cracked, and he buried his fingers in Hyungwon's sides, wet fabric sticking to his slim body.

_It's pathetic, you shouldn't have let him in._

“No, not at all, Hoseok, I just didn’t want you to close up, to be afraid to talk about him like you are with Tae. He- he told me that you hid bruises and I didn’t want you to do that with me, I wanted you to be able to say it, but I also couldn’t bear to see you hurt. How could I tell you that he is a horrible person when you care so much about him? I wanted to make it better. I don’t know him, Hoseok, I don’t know him at all. I just know his actions, and they kept getting worse since the two of us became close.” The slim shoulders shook in his arms as Hyungwon tried to catch his breath. “I hated him, but mainly because he had you.”

_Does he want you?_

“Liking someone also means hurting them if you consider it necessary. Taehyung told me that he hated Michal and continued telling me, even though I didn't want to hear it. You should've told me, Hyungwon. You should've told me all those things you've kept from me.” He curled his arms around Hyungwon's waist, pressing him closer to his almost naked chest as the robe unfolded a little.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Hoseok. I was scared, I was just scared to tell you. I’m a fucking coward and maybe you are right about calling me a child. I’ve never had to deal with something like this, knowing something hurtful and being scared to say it, shit.” It was even more obvious that the blonde boy was crying with how he sobbed suddenly and dug his fingers into Hoseok’s shoulders, shaking with each new wave that passed through his body. “I- I told Tae two days ago, he gave me the courage to talk to you, but- I took too long. I’m so sorry.”

“I'm the one who should be crying because you make me believe that what you said about people loving each other is true, but there's actually no-one because either they're just doing whatever, cheating or lying to me. It hurts, you hurt, fuck.” He grabbed Hyungwon's thighs and pulled him up, walking towards the bedroom and letting himself fall on top of the bed. “Just leave, you're tired and we make each other cry.”

“I make myself cry,” Hyungwon whispered as another drop landed on Hoseok’s naked skin, uncovered now that his robe shifted. “I keep making mistakes and ruining everything. You’re lovable, Hoseok, really lovable, that’s why I can’t help myself. I can’t leave, I want you.”

“But why suddenly?” he murmured, staring at Hyungwon's face. There was a tiny reflection in his big, brown eyes. Hyungwon couldn't see him, but he could see the other man.

Teeth settled on the familiar plump lower lip, moving over the piercing in a desperate gesture as Hyungwon’s hands slid over his chest until they curled around his shoulders. The blonde boy was still scared, seeking contact with his fingertips while tears rolled down his eyes like small waterfalls, creating thin lines along his cheeks that reflected even more. Only when Hyungwon’s lips stopped trembling did he finally speak, voice no louder than a gasp.

“Because I really like you.”

He stopped breathing, lungs barely having enough oxygen as he lifted his left hand, reaching for the other man's beautiful face while the other grabbed the remote from the bedside table, fingers pressing the familiar button and covering everything in a deep, red light.

“I think I really like you too,” he whispered, while looking into Hyungwon's gorgeous eyes before covering everything in darkness again.

He could feel how the younger man’s right hand loosened around his shoulders, wandering upwards to his face, brushing over his cheeks and his lips. It was so intimate how Hyungwon wasn’t able to see and used his fingertips instead, lips remaining parted in awe. The blonde boy stroked over his wet cheeks, wiping the tears and tracing the form of his lips with his thumb.

“You make the darkness bearable, Hoseok,” he whispered and leaned in, following his fingers until the cold, plump lips touched his, wet from tears.

He had to hold his breath again from the intensity, from the shivers running through his body at the feeling of wet clothes and the emotional response, at his feelings towards Hyungwon and the possibility that they shared.

He kissed back, cupping Hyungwon's face with both palms and not willing to let go. Thighs tightened around his hips, ice cold from the wet fabric. The younger man’s hands were cold too as they traced the curve of his neck and stroked along his arms, soft and careful, like Hyungwon was worried of hurting him, barely touching his skin. The kiss was soft, a tender press of lips in the darkness. Hoseok could feel a few wet strands of blonde hair fall forward on his forehead.

_You have to give him at least some light._

“You're freezing, just take- take off your clothes,” he whispered and reached into the bedside drawer, taking out the tiny, moon-shaped light he’d had since he was a child and turned it on, creating minimal shadows, but it was enough for Hyungwon to at least see a little bit.

_It's like back then._

“It’s fine, you can keep it dark if you don’t want me to see,” the blonde boy murmured, sitting up and keeping his eyes on his own thighs instead of Hoseok’s face. His hands were shivering as he reached for the light jacket he was wearing, unzipping it slowly and throwing it to the ground next to the bed. His white t-shirt was just as soaked, sticking to his lean body like a second skin.

“Your bed, I dirtied it.” Hyungwon sucked his lip piercing into his mouth and pulled his sneakers off his feet, throwing them next to the bed as well, followed by his t-shirt. Remaining in his soaked jeans, the blonde boy reached out and curled his hands around Hoseok’s shoulders, ice cold against his hot skin.

_He's really freezing._

“Seriously, take them off, Hyungwon, I'll give you new ones if you're uncomfortable,” he murmured. Hoseok didn't notice the point at which his pain had transitioned into worry about Hyungwon's body temperature.

The younger man nodded again and let go carefully, still not looking up at his face, it almost seemed like he did it for Hoseok, giving him privacy by keeping his big eyes on his hands, using the little bit of light he had. Opening the button of his jeans, he slipped them down his long legs with effort, struggling with how the wet fabric stuck to his skin. Pulling his underwear down his narrow hips right after, the blonde boy reached out and curled up at his side, breathing deeply.

Hoseok pulled at the belt of the robe, sliding it down his shoulders and let it lie on the side as he came closer and pulled Hyungwon's ice cold body into his embrace. It was almost painful against his hot skin.

“I’m sorry,” the other man murmured again, a whisper against the shell of his ear. “Please forgive me, Hoseok. I won’t do it again, I swear, I won’t keep secrets.”

_It's not as if it's his duty or anything._

Swallowing loudly, he leaned back and kissed the other man's plump, cool lips slowly.

“I want you to get warm again,” he breathed out and curled his arms tighter, slipping his thigh between Hyungwon's cold legs. He could feel how the blonde curled himself around him as much as he could, pressing as much of his cold skin against Hoseok as possible. Legs curled around him and arms circled his shoulders as Hyungwon buried his face in his neck, closing his lips around a patch of skin above his collar bone.

“You must be tired.” He pulled up the thick blanket and covered them both, providing comfortable warmth.

“I don’t know, I can’t think about anything but you,” Hyungwon whispered and curled his head further into the crook of Hoseok’s neck, tickling him with a few strands of his hair.

_Could it be that you think the same things? It's impossible, right?_

“It's the same for me. I can't breathe without looking at your sculptures or thinking of you or touching you.” His voice got quieter as he breathed against Hyungwon's cute ear.

“Hold me close then,” the blonde boy whispered, tension in his limbs disappearing slowly. “Let me be close to you, Hoseok, I will treat you so well, I will give you everything you need.” Hyungwon’s voice got quieter towards the end, almost fading out with how his lips barely moved against Hoseok’s skin, like he was slowly slipping out of consciousness.

Hoseok wanted to hold him close, so badly, he wanted everything Hyungwon promised him. Wrapping his arms tighter around Hyungwon's body, he felt how the cold slowly disappeared, making room for warmth and he could feel how his senses loosened their sharpness and slid into unconsciousness, slowly fading until there was only familiar darkness that felt like home.

_

 

He woke up because there was light, even though there shouldn't have been any in the first place. He felt so warm, like wrapped in a cloud of comfort, apart from some spots that hurt.

_You're not alone._

He opened his eyes, recognizing his bedroom, the tiny light next to his bed and Hyungwon's naked body that curled around him, sharp chin digging into his chest and smooth thigh strategically placed between his legs.

_He came to you yesterday, after you saw them._

He felt the pain return and remembered the talk, how Hyungwon cried and told him that he was sorry for not telling him, how he had dealt with the darkness and how he kissed him so softly.

_And how he told you that he liked you._

The air got stuck in his throat at the memory, at how intense it was, sending shivers down his spine at the knowledge and consequences of what it meant for both of them.

_You like him, Hoseok._

He didn't think about it before, it simply did not fit with his previous understanding of affection and relationships, it was different. Hyungwon was different in every possible way.

_You need to break up, today, you need to end this._

He stroked over Hyungwon's blonde hair and kissed the top of his head, scared that whatever the other man had said the night before would become meaningless as soon as he woke up.

The big, brown eyes fluttered open, unfocused at first until they settled on Hoseok’s face and Hyungwon lifted his head. A few slow breaths passed between them.

“Oh no,” the blonde boy murmured and pouted his bottom lip a little, only adding to how puffy his face already was. “Were you able to sleep with the light on? Fuck.”

Hoseok hummed and leaned in, placing a soft kiss on Hyungwon's pouty lips.

“You're warm and bony,” he murmured and pointed at the red spot on his skin where the other man's chin had been digging into his chest.

“And probably late for work,” Hyungwon added and placed a tender kiss to the red area before groaning and curling up on top of Hoseok’s naked body, shifting his legs until he fit them perfectly around Hoseok’s muscular thigh.

“You're soft and hot,” the younger man breathed against his right nipple, brushing his full lips over it.

“Oh god,” he hissed and raked his fingers through the other man's blonde hair, pulling a little. “Do you want to shower? And I'll give you new clothes, yours are completely soaked, or do you want me to drive you home?” Hoseok spoke fast, trying to ignore his boner pressing against Hyungwon's stomach. He should've worn pajamas.

“I doubt that you have anything that would even remotely fit my beautiful and lean body,” the other man's raspy voice whispered against the skin of his chest, licking a stripe from his right nipple to the left one. His tongue played with the bud, sliding the barbell over it repeatedly. “What time is it anyway?”

“I-" He let out a soft moan at the sudden sparks of arousal seeping through him and concentrating in his groin. “I have no idea, holy-" Hoseok wrapped his arms around Hyungwon's waist, stroking over the other man's lower back, pausing right before it got interesting. He really wanted to trace the curve of Hyungwon's butt but refrained from it.

_What are you even doing, Hoseok?_

Hyungwon glanced up at his face for a brief moment, lips parted until he leaned down and covered his erect nipple with his mouth, sucking lightly while still moving the barbell over it. The blonde man was exhaling through his nose repeatedly, spreading goosebumps over Hoseok’s chest with every breath.

“I'm supposed to open the jeans shop at nine and dress people's asses.” Hyungwon let go of the bud, licking over it softly in between words. “Do you think it is past nine yet?”

Hoseok moaned again, pulling Hyungwon's lower body against his hips automatically.

“I- I don't think so, I think it's about seven or eight in the morning, I can't sleep longer if there's light. It could also be six, I don't know.” Damn, Hyungwon was driving him crazy with his thick lips. It was bad.

He couldn't be sure that the younger man heard his reply with how he fell forward on his elbows at the contact and gasped against his skin. Only a few deep breaths later Hoseok could feel the hot tongue again as it travelled along his neck downwards, over his solar plexus,  and slid into the shallow dips of his abdominal muscles. Hyungwon lifted his hips again to move lower and Hoseok could feel the younger man's erection against his thigh until the other sat up a little, kneeling between his legs.

“I'm going crazy,” he whispered and reached for Hyungwon's chest, moving his fingers over the other man's small, dark nipples and further down over his toned stomach, graced by beautiful long lines, in addition to the gorgeous ink patterns over the other man's hip bones. His gaze settled on the space between Hyungwon's legs, long and straight erection fitting so well to the other man's build. He was completely shaved and had a small tattoo right over his dick.

_Fuck. Hoseok, what are you going to do now?_

Hyungwon's eyes fluttered shut when Hoseok brushed over his nipples, silent moan leaving his lips as he bit down on his cheek, probably to remain silent. Color was appearing on his cheeks, only adding a little bit of rose to the golden shimmer of his skin. Hoseok could see the younger man's erection twitch briefly, accompanied by a sharp exhale and big eyes that settled on his face, watching his response.

“Do you like it?” Hyungwon whispered with a small smile and leaned down. He placed kisses along Hoseok’s hip bones, following his prominent vline with his pierced tongue.

“You- what are you even doing? Oh god,” he had major difficulties in keeping his composure, moaning immediately like he was touched for the first time. His face and his reactions always gave out how sensitive he was and how intensely he reacted to touch.

“I'm making you feel good,” the blonde boy replied softly, breathing out against his erection while long fingers reached out and curled around his thighs from below, propping them up on the soft sheets. “Is this okay?”

_Does he want to please you, Hoseok? Fuck._

“Please, fuck, Hyungwon,” he moaned while throwing his head back and baring his neck, legs spreading automatically. He felt the younger man nod more than he saw it, soft blonde strands of hair tickling his groin for a brief moment until he was distracted by warm air against his erection.

“You’re gorgeous, Hoseok,” Hyungwon’s low, raspy voice whispered as a hot tongue licked along his base, all the way upwards to the tip, drawing circular motions over the sensitive head with the barbell.

“Your tongue- it feels amazing, I want you so much, shit,” he cursed, losing control over his mouth and his hands, grabbing Hyungwon's hair and moaning as if he was the most eager person to ever exist.

_You probably are, not able to compose yourself._

The blonde boy shifted between his legs, tracing the sensitive skin of his inner thighs with his fingertips until he curled the long digits around the base of his erection, keeping it steady. After exhales against the head again, he could feel light pressure from the other man’s fingers as plump lips closed around the tip, sucking lightly while the barbell repeatedly circled around his slit. A low hum sent additional vibrations through his lower body.

“Oh fuck.” Hoseok lost it, low moans leaving his mouth as he let his free hand roam over Hyungwon's back, pressing him closer and spreading his legs further, erection twitching between Hyungwon's thick lips.

Sucking harsher, the blonde boy fit about half of him in his mouth, flattening his tongue and stimulating his length with small motions of the piercing. Humming again, Hyungwon moved back up and let Hoseok’s erection leave his lips with a lewd noise, exhaling against the wet tip right after.

“Tell me if you like this,” the blonde whispered softly before covering the head of Hoseok’s erection with his gorgeous mouth again. The pierced tongue drew circular motions around his slit until he felt the barbell dip into it as Hyungwon sucked simultaneously.

“I love it, oh god- it feels so good, so fucking good, I want to- to just take you,” he groaned, removing his hands and curling them around the sheets instead.

_Why would you say that? Why?_

He was overwhelmed and could feel Hyungwon moan around him, drawing in air desperately through his nose right after. Sucking on the tip one more time, the beautiful man stroked along the full length with his hand and added kitten licks to the tip.

“You can’t just say that and expect me to be okay, fuck. For now, I’ll be taking you, Hoseok,” he murmured and licked over his plump lips once before taking Hoseok as far as possible. He could feel the back of the blonde man’s throat, followed by repeated hums and pressure from the long fingers that stroked along whatever Hyungwon wasn’t able to fit between his lips.

“Yes, just like that, fuck,” Hoseok hissed, holding his breath and prepared to feel nails against his skin, but the sensation didn't come, instead there was more pleasure, building up and taking him higher, almost spilling with how intense it felt.

_It's so nice when there's no pain._

“I'm close, oh my god.” Another moan left his lips and he felt the coil tightening impossibly before it exploded behind his eyelids and he orgasmed, twitching in the intense heat of Hyungwon's gorgeous mouth. The blonde boy was thorough, swallowing and sucking him throughout the pleasure until it got a little too much and he reverted to soft licks along his head, exhaling rapidly through his nose. His hands were roaming over Hoseok’s body in the meantime, stroking along his hip bones and inner thighs.

Letting go of his erection carefully, Hyungwon placed a few kisses along his vline and licked a path from his navel to his chest, slowly climbing over him, lean thighs on each side of his hips.

Catching his breath, Hoseok let his gaze slide over Hyungwon's beautiful, long body. The wish to touch the other man was even more prominent despite his release.

“Would you let me touch you too?” he asked while licking over his lips.

Hyungwon let his pierced tongue slide over his own, plump bottom lip, swollen from taking him and nodded softly. A small smile was developing in the corners of his mouth.

“I’d love you to,” the blonde boy whispered, crawling further on top of his body. Hyungwon’s big hands roamed over his chest while he was still breathing quickly.

Hoseok wrapped his arms around the other man's thin waist and lifted his upper body, attaching his lips to Hyungwon's blood red mouth and tasting himself.

“How do you want to be touched?” he asked, making sure that he did exactly what Hyungwon wanted.

“There isn’t that much time, so your hands are already amazing, Hoseok,” the lean man murmured and leaned in to kiss his lips again, soft and intimate.

Hoseok nodded briefly and moved both palms over Hyungwon's smooth and lean thighs, stroking along his inner thighs with his thumb. As the kiss deepened, he curled his fingers around Hyungwon's warm length, squeezing it a little. He loved how it felt in his hand, straight and smooth.

The blonde man was so responsive, gasping instantly and moaning into his mouth. When they paused the kiss, Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip, held his breath and threw his head back. It was beautiful how the other man’s big, brown eyes fluttered shut at the pleasure, hands roaming Hoseok’s body without rest. Hyungwon was sitting on top of his hips, but he felt weightless. Only the way the lean thighs contracted around him, responding to the pleasure, and the body heat that burned along his sensitive skin reminded him.

“Holy shit, I can’t believe this is actually happening,” the blonde boy whispered, throwing his head back again and holding his breath.

_You can't believe it either._

“Me touching you? But I can give you so much more,” Hoseok whispered against Hyungwon's bare neck, moving his hand along the smooth length and tightening his grip around the tip, spreading precum with his thumb and sinking his teeth into Hyungwon's shoulder, carefully, to not hurt the other man accidentally.

_Just stop talking._

“Fuck, I’d love you to- I do, but it’s so fucking complicated- shit,” the blonde man murmured incoherently and thrust up in his hand. Holding his breath again, Hyungwon leaned back to hold onto Hoseok’s thighs. His fingers were careful despite the pleasure that repeatedly sent shivers through the long legs. The rose blush spread further along the slim man’s chest, body on display with how he threw his head back.

_Beautiful._

It was strange, but Hoseok really wanted to draw him.

“It's complicated? I like complicated, it's like light, it's moody and often it doesn't do what you want, but you have to take good care of it to get a nice result.” He licked over Hyungwon's collarbones, and sped up his strokes, moving his hips under Hyungwon automatically with how gorgeous the other man looked while sitting on top of him.

“It’s- not the nice kind of complicated,” Hyungwon gasped and removed one hand from Hoseok’s thigh to curl his arm around his neck, making him sit up. Pulling him closer, the younger man barely contained a moan. “Fuck- could you-”

The long fingers sank into the strands of his hair and led him towards Hyungwon’s chest while the blonde boy attempted to remain quiet, breathing heavily with an open mouth.

“Can't wait to see how complicated you are,” Hoseok whispered and closed his lips around Hyungwon's small nipple, sucking on it before letting the tip of his tongue brush over it repeatedly. His hand moved over Hyungwon's length and evoked pretty moans after every stroke, combined with his teeth and lips over the other man's nipple.

“Shit- I-” Hyungwon gasped and moaned loudly at the combined sensations. The blonde man tensed in his arms for a few seconds, eyes wide, before he released himself in Hoseok’s hand and turned limp, soft moans still leaving the gorgeous, red lips. “Holy fucking shit.”

_He's so sensitive. Like you._

Hoseok continued placing soft kisses against Hyungwon's chest and neck, breathing hot air against his skin.

“You're sensitive, I like how you react,” he commented, before reaching for the tissues in his drawer, and wiping over his hand and between Hyungwon's legs carefully, because of the hypersensitivity.

“I’m sensitive when it comes to my nipples, yes,” the blonde boy murmured and leaned forward to rest his head on Hoseok’s chest, still breathing heavily. “Otherwise I’m no fun.”

_Why would he say that?_

“I- did you mean what you said yesterday?” he asked, suddenly afraid that it had been a product of his imagination.

_Maybe he just ‘wants to be close, but’._

He could feel Hyungwon exhale against his shoulder as the other man lifted his head and stared at him, eyes wide.

“If I say yes, will you panic and throw me out? Cause the answer is definitely a ‘yes’ and I kinda promised not to shit you anymore,” he murmured and curled his arms around Hoseok’s biceps, as if the blonde actually thought he would throw him out.

“No, why would I? I was worrying that you might not have meant it and I did this light thing like an idiot and then you might think that I'm some romantic idiot,” he murmured and buried his face in the crook of Hyungwon's neck.

“I think that’s it’s sweet now, but I was rather overwhelmed by it yesterday. Cause- ya know, I couldn’t see anything and then there was suddenly your face and you looked so emotional, holy shit. I meant it, Hoseok. I’m no oracle, but I’m pretty sure that’s what I feel, even if we argue all the time.” He could hear the smile in Hyungwon’s voice as the younger man reached out and stroked over his hair, intertwining his fingers with a few of his black strands.

“I'm happy.” The feeling was sudden, but it was true nevertheless, he stroked over Hyungwon's lower back and kissed his lips slowly. “But I'm meeting Michal today.”

Hyungwon’s hand froze in place and the blonde man didn’t move a single inch. A few slow breaths brushed Hoseok’s lips until Hyungwon suddenly let go and freed himself from Hoseok’s embrace, climbing off the bed.

“I think my clothes are dry enough,” he commented and grabbed his underwear, slipping into it and repeating the same with his jeans and t-shirt. The latter was definitely still wet judging by how it clung to the other man’s skin. “I don’t want to be late for work either, they’ll give me shit and I can’t afford to get fired.”

_Why is he like this?_

“I wanted to meet him to tell him that I want to end the relationship, Hyungwon. I wanted to do that even before I saw him yesterday,” he murmured and curled up in his blanket, feeling sad about the loss of Hyungwon's warmth.

_You got used to it too easily._

“Fuck, I’m an idiot,” Hyungwon cursed loudly and just threw the shoe he had been trying to slip on his foot back to the ground. Hoseok could hear him inhale sharply as the bed dipped a tiny bit and warm arms curled around him again. “I got pissed for no reason, fuck. I just thought you were all ‘yeah, I like you, bro, but I still kinda have a boyfriend, bye’.”

“As if,” Hoseok mumbled and pouted, feeling unfairly treated.

“Oh, come on, you’re also the same person that didn’t listen to Tae for years, telling you that he is an asshole. I mean- I don’t know what you loved about him, Hoseok, it could have been something that was stronger than getting hurt the whole time.” Hyungwon cupped Hoseok’s face with his warm palms and pressed a kiss to his lips, staring at him intently. “Will you be fine? He might say something hurtful.”

_Don't tell him that you're scared._

“He probably will, and I probably won't. Well.” Hoseok kissed back and sat up. “Let me get dressed and I'll drive you home, so you can change, and then I’ll drive you to work. You'll manage on time then, it's eight.” He projected the clock onto the ceiling and smiled.

“Fancy,” Hyungwon whispered and just stared at the numbers in awe. “What the actual fuck?”

When the other man finally caught himself again, he chewed on his cheek in thought, climbing off the bed. “But what about my baby? Then I’ll have to keep her here and won’t get home.”

“You can come here after work?” Hoseok was so obvious that it bordered on embarrassing.

_What if he doesn't want to come?_

A grin passed Hyungwon’s plump lips as he finally managed to pull his sneakers over his naked feet, abandoning the socks.

“I’d love to, Hoseok.”

He was shocked at the other man's positive answer after hearing negative answers so many times. It felt strange, as if it was okay to want affection and as if Hyungwon really wanted to give it to him.

_Maybe you can have it too?_

***

 

Hyungwon felt like he deserved an acting award, one of those gigantic ones that had a golden statue and probably shitloads of money and fame associated with it.

He had kept his cool, laughing and telling jokes, elaborating on his current goal of focusing on gypsum until he had the perfect idea for the block of marble Hoseok had gifted him. He was being nonchalant, cheerful even, even though he had technically been crying like a little bitch in the other man’s arms the day before, telling him that he really liked him and that he needed him.

It sounded like a teenage confession but considering how much they argued it was somehow meaningful.

_Holy mother of god._

He must have been tired as fuck when he had just fucked his inhibitions and the fact that Hoseok was technically still in a relationship, taking the gorgeous man into his mouth while whining about being complicated and difficult to satisfy right after.

_Why would you freak people out before they even got into it?_

That must have been the reason he was still single. Definitely.

It felt so strange to pull into the familiar street of his house, looking at the rundown buildings, some of which hadn’t been touched since a world war two bomb had hit them in the forties. It must have felt like a different world to Hoseok, surrounded by ‘delinquents’ and people Hoseok didn’t like that eyed his car like they really wanted to beat the shit out of him and steal it.

Hyungwon didn’t really blame them too much, it was a nice car after all. Also, looking at the car and really doing something were two very different things.

“I’ll hurry up,” he murmured and unfastened the seatbelt. Just before climbing out of the passenger seat he mentally grabbed himself by the balls and turned around, pressing a kiss to Hoseok’s lips.

“Sure, take your time.” The black-haired man smiled at him and turned off the engine apart from the battery to run the heating.

It felt so strange, almost as if Hyungwon hadn’t basically breakdanced on top of the other man’s heart the day before. Fuck.

“Can’t take my time unless I wanna be late,” he replied with a grin and finally climbed out of the car, closing the door soundly behind himself. His steps were still calm as he walked up to the front door, kicked it open with his shoe because it didn’t budge otherwise, and ran up the stairs like a mental person as soon as he knew that he was out of sight. Holy fucking shit, holy fucking flying shit.

He fumbled with the front door, struggling until the key went in and turned properly, just to shut the door behind himself with a ridiculously loud bang. It was light outside, so he didn’t have to turn on the bathroom light. Instead he just pressed his back to the front door and slipped down, breathing heavily and staring at absolutely nothing.

_What the hell did you get yourself into?_

“Hyungwon? Didn't you want to come home last night?” His mom's face appeared in the doorway to her room, expression bright as always until her big eyes settled on his rather pathetic form on the floor. “I baked dick pancakes with those funny forms I have, they look a little pathological, but they're tasty, I swear.”

_Oh, fuck._

Hyungwon had no idea when exactly his brain had created the rather elaborate illusion that he was living alone and could just sit on the ground in the hallway in soaked clothes and pretend to be okay, but he had eventually reached the point at which the illusion failed catastrophically.

“Ehm, I did, yes- I intended on coming home and then- magic happened,” he murmured and forced himself to stand up, staring at the way his mother wore one of those aprons that basically showed a naked body and remembered why he always told her when he planned on being home. “Is Melissa also here?” he asked to distract from the fact that he must have looked like a mess and actually had no time to discuss him just jumping dick first into trouble.

_Literally. The first thing you did after telling him you like him was sleep and suck his dick right after. What the hell, Hyungwon?_

“Oh god, what happened baby, why are your clothes wet? It's not even raining.” She came over and lifted on her tiptoes, grabbing his face with both palms.

“It rained yesterday, I kinda drove through a semi-storm and waited on a front porch without a roof for half an hour until I was let in. It’s fine, I’ll just change and go to work,” he said quickly and glanced to the side, staring past the open door of his room to his wardrobe where he hoped he still had clean clothes to wear. “I’d totally take some of those pancakes though because I’m starving, cum doesn’t have a lot of nutritional value.”

_Why would you say that? Oh god._

Hyungwon turned really dumb when he was nervous, it was a personality trait.

“Why would you eat cum for breakfast, Hyungwon? Even if you don't buy food, you could've eaten at home. What happened? You better tell me everything because you definitely don't look okay.” His mother disappeared in the kitchen and came back with a pancake, stuffing it into his mouth and pinching his cheek right after.

Hyungwon was thankful for the chewy mass in his mouth because it meant he wasn’t able to talk yet. He hummed in agreement and escaped to his room quickly, forcing his legs out of the soaked pair of jeans that still stuck to his skin painfully and forcing them right back into a dry pair that could have been a second skin.

“It’s a long story, mum, the fun stuff, me accidentally fucking up by keeping my mouth shut and crying like a little bitch in Hoseok’s arms. Sad story,” he replied once he swallowed down the delicious pancake and had pulled a fresh t-shirt over his head, smelling like the rose detergent his mom loved. “Did you wash my stuff with yours? I smell like a teenage girl.”

“It fits you,” she commented with a grin and stuffed another pancake into his mouth. “Oh and Melissa is not here, but she's coming in a bit. We had an argument and she told me to eat a bag of dicks, so I'm going to make a bag of dicks and force her to eat them. But about Hoseok, I can't quite combine the crying like a little bitch and eating cum for breakfast. I also didn't hear your motorcycle.” His mother leaned towards the window and glanced outside. “Holy fuck, what's this car?”

_Well, fuck. Good luck with that one, Hyungwon._

“Hoseok’s car,” Hyungwon mumbled because defense was pointless. His mother was like a damn shotgun when she wanted to be. “I cried like a bitch, told him I like him and sucked him off this morning, the end.”

He brushed over the fabric of his t-shirt to make sure it was smooth enough to not scare off potential customers at the jeans shop and sighed again, a little overwhelmed by the fact that he had to deal with smelling like a girl, Hoseok in front of his door, the fact that he had just kinda admitted he cares and the fact that the older man was going to break up with his boyfriend. Not to mention dick pancakes, fuck.

“I’m going mad, fuck.”

“Are you overwhelmed by the situation? What's with his boyfriend? Didn't you say that he is in a relationship? What did he say when you confessed? You can't just leave out the important facts. And why did you cry? You never cry, baby. Did he upset you?” His mom's thin arms curled around his neck and she pressed a kiss against his cheek.

It was calming somehow and sufficient to make him realize that his heart sounded like a bulldozer in his ears.

“I- well- he has a boyfriend and he saw him cheat yesterday. Unfortunately, he happened to see that I was there too and knew about it, so he was hurt and- he ran away and then I got soaked and wanted to talk to him, but he was so hurt, and I felt so bad that I just cried, telling him how much I care and that I like him. He said he likes me too and today he wants to break up with his boyfriend, but fuck- I don’t know what to do now.” He curled his arms around his mother’s waist and leaned down to put his head on her shoulder even though she was shorter.

“He must've thought about it if he told you that he likes you too. He wants to be with you, I suppose, but why don't you know what to do? He will be down for a certain period of time depending on how they'll end things, but he still decided to pull through, so you must be worth it for him. Is he doing it because of you?” Hyungwon wondered how his mom always managed to ask the questions that hurt the most.

“I’m sure he is, he told me that he wants me and not him before he knew that he cheated. I just- what if ending a relationship because of me won’t be worth it?” Hyungwon sucked in a deep breath and hoped that time wasn’t passing faster than he would be able to calm down after this, already feeling his fingers shake at the words he was about to say. “Let’s be really realistic about this, mom, and don’t give me the typical ‘I love you, you’re wonderful’ buzz. He’s ten years older, he has a proper job, lots of interests. I’m basically struggling to get my shit together, spend most of what I earn on tattoos and sculpting material, have no time. How long would he find someone like me interesting? We don’t fit at all. It would just be disappointing for him.”

“Mhm, I see your point, but if you're right, shouldn't it have been the other way around from the start? You should've found each other interesting when you first met and then lose interest with each passing week. But isn't it different? Didn't you guys basically hate each other, but now you can't get enough? I bet the poor guy had never been to this neighborhood before,” she commented and chuckled, “I'm also not of the opinion that love can cross all boundaries and all that bullshit, but there must be something that you two share, don't you think?” His mom leaned towards the window again, probably inspecting Hoseok's car. “So he's thirty, huh? He's closer to my age than to yours. I'd really like to meet him to see what kind of person he is.”

Hyungwon didn’t know what shocked him more, that the man he was interested in was closer to his mother’s age than his own, or the fact that she wanted to meet him.

_She’d probably freak him out a little._

“Stop making so much sense, or I’m just going to roll up and cry. I have to sell jeans for fuck’s sake!” he exclaimed, and rubbed over his face with his big palm, standing up straight and taking a few calming breaths. “We bond over light, but one can’t just build a relationship on one single interest. At least I cannot imagine that keeping anybody going for several years. Doesn’t everything get boring eventually?”

“Listen, Catherine was in a three-year relationship with this bitch and the only things they bonded over was this sex toy she got from somewhere in China and Catherine's perfectly cut nails. Also stop talking like a middle-aged straight male who got rejected by a woman once and therefore lost his confidence to score forever. He must think that you're cute with how childish you sometimes act.” His mother laughed and shook his shoulders a little.

Hyungwon really hoped his mother wasn’t going to pull her straight man jokes on Hoseok, offering him toys to get the stick out of his ass.

“You know, mom, if I ever get into boxing- which will never happen - I’ll let you be my prep coach, talking me into battle and shit,” he commented with a small smile and squeezed his mother’s slim wrist briefly. “If he thinks I’m cute and that’s why he likes me- then may the force be with him, I’ll definitely punch him in the face.”

He felt much calmer somehow, not necessarily as calm as he would have liked to be, but enough to not sell people weird shit because he was mentally somewhere else.

“Shit, he probably thinks I fainted in front of the door or something.”

Looking out of the window, his mother's facial expression changed dramatically.

“Holy shit, is that him? He looks like those hot, built thirst-magnets from TV dramas, Hyungwon! I only saw his naked body in the pictures, but his fashion and his face look nice from afar too.” His mom walked back and put on her glasses, before going back to the window. “Well, fuck. Give him a dick pancake from me.”

Hyungwon wanted to argue, but there wasn’t really much to argue against. Hoseok was fucking hot and denying that was just stupid.

“Yeah, that’s him,” he said in resignation and slipped back into his wet pair of sneakers because he had no others. Sighing, he held out his hands for a few pancakes. “He’s basically a wet dream with a curved dick. I’m not really counting on it being the right curve cause that would be perfection, but it’s definitely nicer than a straight one I guess.”

She put a tissue on his hands and packed five pretty pancakes on top of it, grinning brightly.

“I think that you should definitely be at least a little happy about liking someone and getting affection back, Hyungwon.”

“I’m just scared,” he murmured back before placing a quick kiss against his mother’s cheek. “But I’ll try. I mean- it still doesn’t feel real, so my head is just coming up with crazy scenarios in which he just throws me out of his car and tells me to laser away my tats.”

“I don't think he'd be waiting for you for twenty five minutes just to throw you out of his car, Hyungwon.” His mom pointed towards the window and slapped his butt. “Go.”

“Fuck-” Hyungwon cursed and quickly checked whether he had his phone before sprinting down the stairs, opening the front door roughly and stopping right in front of Hoseok, almost bumping into the older man.

“Did something happen?” the black-haired man asked, worried expression obvious on his handsome face. He was so fucking gorgeous, Hyungwon instantly had to think of the beautiful way the older man had lost himself in pleasure, pulling his hair and telling him how much he just wanted to take him. Fuck.

“Ah, nah- just- want a pancake?” Hyungwon replied and held up the tissue with the prettily done pancakes, breathing heavily. “Greetings from my mom.”

_Dick pancakes, they look like dicks, Hyungwon._

Hoseok smiled before the sight hit him and his eyes took the form of huge plates, staring at him in disbelief.

“W-what?”

Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip and hoped that this wasn’t the point at which Hoseok turned around and decided to never deal with sexualized pancakes ever again. He would have blamed him though, because that was definitely a dumb reason to ditch somebody.

He waited a few seconds in which Hoseok just stared at him in shock.

“Ehm, my mom just has this mold you know, you can make pancakes in the form of dicks, but they still taste like pancakes. Not like you would mind I guess- but still, they are really good, they just look like this.” Hyungwon grabbed the first one on the plate and ripped off a chunk, chewing it deliciously to show the older man that it was good. Then he got another chunk and placed it into Hoseok’s open mouth, shutting it by poking his index finger under the black-haired man’s jaw. “Chew, it’s good.”

Hoseok moved his jaw, followed by his incredibly flexible lips, looking like a cute little bunny with huge muscular arms. Hyungwon wanted to squish him with his non-existent strength.

“They're really good, I just- I was freaked out by the form and thought it was some message or something.”

_Oh god, did he think your mom wants to cut off his dick?_

Hyungwon burst out laughing and almost dropped the other four pancakes to the ground when he bent in half, barely keeping himself on his two feet.

“Oh god, don’t worry, Hoseok. She thinks you’re hot and she always protects the people I like more than she protects me,” he commented with a grin and opened the passenger door, slipping into his seat. “Let’s hurry up, I’ll be the one with the cut off dick if I’m late.”

“I've never dealt with anybody's mom before to be honest.” Hoseok jumped into the driver’s seat and buckled up quickly, spreading his legs that were clad in tight, black jeans, before stepping on the gas pedal, pulling out of the parking spot with one hand on the wheel and looking over his broad shoulder. He looked hot, really really hot and Hyungwon genuinely worried about how he had successfully ignored all of that for the past few months.

_You weren’t allowed to, but this morning you were, your brain is going places._

“You’re fucking hot,” he commented and reached out, squeezing Hoseok’s thigh with his long fingers before pulling them back roughly, as if burned. “Fuck, I forgot you hate PDA.”

“Why would you talk about Photo Diode Array? In the same sentence with ‘you're hot’?” Hoseok looked confused.

“What? What the fuck is ‘Photo Diadary’?” Hyungwon didn’t get shit. “I was just saying that you don’t like to touch in public, that’s why I pulled my hand back.”

“I almost got a shock, it's a linear array of discrete photodiodes on an integrated circuit chip. It allows a range of wavelength to be detected simultaneously. It's the electronic version of a photographic film. And I never said that I don't like to touch in public. I just don't like to get bitten in public. I'm fine with holding hands, or kissing, if I'm in a relationship,” the other man murmured shyly after his excurse on whatever he had been talking about. Hyungwon barely resisted to say, ‘bless you’ and thereby confirm that none of the stuff Hoseok had said in the beginning made sense to him.

_Still, he’s adorable._

“I see,” he replied with a smile and curled his hand back around Hoseok’s warm thigh. The jeans must have been really tight as he could tell the form of the muscle and the lines at the side with his fingertips. “I’ll just come over after work then, alright? Maybe you could even take pictures of me like you wanted to a while ago.”

“Yes, I'd love to, our project is finished too, the one I forced Tae to help me with. We can test it out.” Hoseok smiled again before pulling into the mall parking and turning off the engine.

“Wish me luck.”

“Call me if something is up, I’ll keep my phone on sound even though it’s forbidden,” Hyungwon murmured and just climbed halfway on the driver’s seat, on top of Hoseok after unbuckling his seatbelt. His hands grabbed the older man’s shoulders and he squeezed his long legs in between the seat and whatever else was around there. “Don’t let him hurt you. Keep in mind that he’s the asshole, he’s been doing this for months.”

Hoseok gasped in surprise before leaning in, kissing him repeatedly and curling his arms around him.

“Let's see how that goes. Take care of yourself.” The other man closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. “I've never kissed anyone in my car before.”

Hyungwon’s eyes widened and he leaned back, breathing hot air into Hoseok’s face.

“Really? This car is totally riding dick material, enough space for my legs and shitloads of room in the back.” He tried to cheer Hoseok up a little and rolled his hips, grinning shamelessly as he pressed another kiss to the older man’s curved lips. “I’ll kiss you in your car until you tell me not to.”

“Oh my god,” Hoseok's voice was barely a whisper, “I- I can't go to work if you make me react like this.”

The other man was simply gorgeous, responsive and everything that Hyungwon loved including a curved dick like the fucking cherry on top.

“I could help you take off the edge before you leave,” he purred and repeated the motion, sucking Hoseok’s bottom lip into his mouth.

“W- what? Hyungwon, it's the mall, you work here, there are people and cars, are you crazy?” Hoseok muttered but still moaned, baring his neck.

_You’re crazy, and probably also fucking late._

“Fine, fuck- just- don’t panic. You’ll do great and we’ll have an amazing evening after I get screamed at for opening the shop too late because that one rich grandma wanted to look at pants without buying any. Fuck.” He pressed one last kiss to Hoseok’s lips and opened the door, struggling to climb out for a few seconds because he was sitting the wrong way around and on top of somebody else. Inhaling sharply and brushing over his t-shirt that smelled like roses, he blew Hoseok a kiss and ran towards the mall as fast as he could.

_This is crazy, and you have no idea what you are doing._

He didn’t, but he also couldn’t help the bubbling feeling in his chest, not giving a single shit even though he was late for work, smelled like roses and had offered dick pancakes to the man he appeared to have a crush on.

_She said to let yourself be happy, just do it._

_

 

Hyungwon turned the key in the heavy lock of the jeans shop and still couldn’t believe that he had survived the work day, without getting screamed at or accused of being an irresponsible teenager _and_ with some nice sales for his bonus. It was almost too good to be true.

The grandma that always waited for the store to open hadn’t been there and could therefore not tell on him and most of the customers had been regulars and just wanted the same pair of jeans they had bought two years ago. Collections changed and mostly those pairs weren’t available, but fashion was rather slow, so Hyungwon just found them the same shit in a different color.

Hoseok hadn’t called, not even once, which hopefully meant that he was okay, but Hyungwon wasn’t too sure about that. Something told him that the older man might have just decided that bothering him wasn’t worth it and was dealing with his issues all by himself at home, in the dark.

Hyungwon really hoped it wasn’t in the dark.

His sneakers still felt a little disgusting and his feet probably smelled like old fabric, but he was just going to dry them properly with a hairdryer that the older man hopefully owned, because he owned a lot of things.

_Maybe you can even take a bath or something. Together._

He bit his lip at the image and hoped that he wouldn’t be red-faced when he arrived at Hoseok’s apartment. Usually he didn’t mind, but it was kinda weird to just jump people after a breakup, even if they had feelings for somebody else.

_He’s probably fucking hurt and you are thinking about his dick, Hyungwon._

He pinched the skin between his thumb and index finger and built up a nice running rhythm, thereby cutting down the time he needed to get to Hoseok from 20 minutes to 10. Once he arrived at the familiar door, he almost laughed at himself with how his face was flushed from running instead of arousing thoughts.

_Well, that worked well._

Sucking his lip piercing into his mouth, he reached out and rang the bell, hoping that Hoseok was home and okay.

There was shuffling behind the door before Hoseok opened it, dressed in blue jeans and a loose white shirt. It was dark inside.

_Oh no._

Hyungwon hesitated, eyes widening at the sight but body freezing in place. He was more conscious, unable to just ignore the one thing that scared him the most like he had the last time he had stood in the exact same position.

His hand lifted from its loose place at his hip and stretched out towards the older man with his palm facing the top. It was childish, but he somehow hoped that Hoseok would grasp it, help him fight the fear.

“It's you,” Hoseok whispered and grabbed his hand before he heard the light switch, covering the hallway in a warm light. The older man's eyes were a little puffy, but not red. It was hard to say whether the black-haired man had been crying or not.

Hyungwon released the air he hadn't been aware of holding and just curled his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders, pressing the older man's face into the crook of his neck.

“Are you okay?” he murmured and placed a loose strand behind Hoseok’s ear, stroking over his hair right after. “I missed you. A guy bought the same jeans you did and didn't do them justice at all.”

“I guess, are you hungry? I got sushi for you.” Hoseok sounded so strange, as if he played a record with his voice while keeping his face buried in the crook of Hyungwon's neck.

_He's not okay at all._

“I'm good, I had my mom's pancakes, remember? You can't even imagine how many of those she stuffed into my mouth. How about we just cuddle, mh?” He continued stroking over the other man's hair and tried to slip out of his sneakers without having to separate. It must have looked stupid, but he didn't care. “Or we can take a bath, watch a movie, anything you like.”

“I normally just stay in the dark until it goes away, but you don't like darkness, so I thought you might want sushi and I'd watch you eat. The pancakes were hours ago, Hyungwon.” Hoseok's fingers slipped between the spaces of his own, intertwining and holding onto his hand desperately.

“Darkness doesn't sound very healthy, so how about we just do disgustingly healthy things. I'll stuff my face with sushi, then you'll stuff your face with sushi and then we'll be all cheesy and cuddle up on the couch, deal?” Hyungwon couldn't believe that Hoseok would deal with sadness and disappointment all on his own, hiding away in the darkness until the pain disappeared.

_He has you now, you have to make it better._

There was a nod before Hoseok leaned back and turned around, walking in the direction of the living room where he had put the sushi on a plate.

Hyungwon was quick and simply grabbed a huge piece with his index finger and thumb and inserted it into his big mouth, chewing quickly while he watched Hoseok. The other man had sat down on the couch and stared at one of his sculptures without removing his gaze.

It felt strange, like Hoseok wasn't even really there. Whenever Hyungwon felt upset he just looked for contact, telling somebody about it and getting affection in return, his mom mostly.

_It's like he's used to being alone._

Hyungwon grabbed another piece of sushi and sat down next to the older man, holding the piece to his curved lips. “It's your turn now.”

Hoseok opened his mouth on autopilot and chewed the sushi, swallowing right after.

“Do you think people can be entirely bad?” he suddenly asked, still not removing his gaze from his sculpture.

Hyungwon swallowed, forcing himself to keep his facial expressions in check.

_He doesn't think that he's bad, does he? Or Michal?_

“Well, my mom always says that we know nothing about a person, that we only see one side, the one that's turned towards us, so I guess in one way or another it's difficult to judge. I think a person always has a bit of good and a bit of bad, but sometimes we just see nothing of one of those sides.” He swallowed again and moved closer, letting their thighs touch. “They said it in Wonder Woman too, that humans are always both, good and bad, but I don't know how well that proves my argument.”

“Do you think that I'm a bad person? I mean, you called me an asshole and a prick repeatedly, so there must be something to it.” Hoseok closed his eyes briefly, before opening them again.

It was almost poetic justice, getting bitten in the ass by shitty words he had said in the past.

“But that's because I didn't know you, I only saw a particular side, something that you hid behind. Now I know better, I don't think you're a bad person at all. Actions can be bad, but not people per se. I mean- I really like you, why would I think you are a bad person?” It hadn't been the way Hyungwon had imagined himself to proclaim his feelings a second time, but it just slipped out, followed by warmth in his face. At this point he really hoped the rose scent wasn't too strong.

“But do you only not think that I'm a bad person because you like me?” Hoseok finally turned to him, watching the expression on his face. “You're beautiful,” he whispered.

“I- thank you.” The compliment threw him off a little, shaken by the seriousness on Hoseok’s face. Hyungwon's eyes shut for a few seconds and he decided to ignore normal cuddling behavior and just climbed on top of the older man, placing his legs on each side of his thighs. His palms reached out for Hoseok’s pretty face and held onto it while he formulated his words in his head.

“No, I don't think you are a bad person because of your actions, Hoseok. You care about your friends, your parents, your boyfriend even if he treats you like shit. You constantly try to make them happy and sacrifice your own comfort and happiness. I'm pretty fucking sure that you aren't a bad person. Everybody who thinks differently can come here and suck my dick.”

“Ex-boyfriend,” Hoseok muttered.

_That piece of shit._

“Wait, did he tell you that you are a bad person, Hoseok?” Hyungwon wanted to slap that asshole right across the face, leave pretty, red marks of his palm on it even though he never bothered to hit anybody, not really at least.

_How much of a poor excuse of a human being could a single person be?_

“He told me a lot of things and they all sounded reasonable somehow, which makes me ask myself what exactly you find attractive in me.” Hoseok sighed in resignation.

“What did he tell you, Hoseok? Tell me and I'll show you that he's wrong,” Hyungwon exclaimed, angry that someone who kept hurting Hoseok for years could make him this self-conscious about himself. “You're gorgeous, caring, beautifully talented and the way you can arrange light makes me feel something. What did he dare to tell you?” He leaned in and pressed his lips to the other man's, almost gasping at how nice it felt to be close.

“He-" Hoseok started but paused, sucking on a deep breath and keeping it in instead.

“Shh, it's okay, you can tell me,” Hyungwon whispered carefully, covering Hoseok’s jaw and neck with small kisses, and pulled the older man into a tight embrace.

“It's okay, it was nothing much,” Hoseok muttered and glanced to the side, not quite responding to his touches.

_He doesn’t want to share. Why would he share with you, Hyungwon? He’s only known you for a few months and this is a whole two years of relationship he just left behind._

“But why do you care so much about me? It feels so strange,” Hoseok whispered and looked at him with his big black eyes.

_He sounds like no one has ever cared about him before. But he has Taehyung, doesn’t he?_

Hyungwon had thought of the older man’s parents first but based on what Hoseok had told him they weren’t the best example of genuine affection. His chest hurt from the way the black-haired man looked at him, so vulnerable, like a single word of his could break him into tiny pieces. It was almost scary.

“I’m not special, Hoseok, not really. This is just- what it’s actually supposed to be like. Tae also cares about you, doesn’t he? It’s just- it’s normal.” Hyungwon let his long fingers travel over the other man’s muscular arms towards his shoulders, squeezing a little for reassurance. “There are so many reasons for liking you, maybe no one has gotten close enough to explore them yet.”

“Tae is a different book and we’ve known each other since we were kids.” Hoseok took another maki and stuffed it into Hyungwon's mouth. “You always sound so shocked when I say that other people don't like me, but I'm fine, I really am, I'm used to it and it's nothing that makes me sad or anything, it's just how it is.” The black-haired man cleaned his hands with a tissue and let them rest at his sides instead of curling them around his waist which was strange.

_One needs confidence to not be upset, confidence he doesn’t seem to have._

There was no way that the older man was actually fine, closing up and just accepting negative comments towards himself as the truth, dealing with them like something that couldn’t be avoided. It made him so fucking furious that there was no other way for the beautiful, black-haired man to deal with it apart from closing himself up in darkness.

“You’re a liar, Hoseok, because if it didn’t make you sad, you wouldn’t be wanting to sit in the darkness until the feelings disappear. But you don’t have to, you don’t have to be sad because people that don’t like you, don’t deserve you either. Fuck them, you have me, you’re mine now, I’ll make you happy.” Hyungwon sat up on his knees and towered over Hoseok’s head, tilting it back with a careful grip on his hair. Licking over his lips once, he closed the distance and kissed the familiar curved mouth. “They can just all go fuck themselves, don’t believe them. If there is really something wrong, then people that genuinely care about you will tell you.”

It sounded possessive and didn’t express everything that Hyungwon felt, but it was always like that. Putting his thoughts into words was a struggle and whenever something hurt him he was defensive, discrediting it and considered it meaningless.

_Like thinking that people judging you just don’t know better._

Hoseok nodded and glanced to the side as if his words didn't really reach him.

It was almost as if Hyungwon could have told him anything, a story, a detailed description of his feelings, a Wikipedia article. It didn’t fucking matter. The answer remained the same, a distant nod of the black-haired man’s head or a hum to show he was listening, but he wasn’t, not really. It hurt to see him like that, to know that there wasn’t much he could do about the wall Hoseok had built between his feelings and his usually expressive face and the thoughts that were probably developing all on their own, wrong and hurtful.

It seemed like Hyungwon was helpless, as close as possible to the other man, but still unable to make him feel better.

Hoseok was hurting and there was nothing he could do.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 11th of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe you're not that exciting anymore?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

 

Hoseok wasn't prepared for the kind of talk that was supposed to symbolize the end of his two year relationship. He also wasn't prepared for things the person he was in said relationship with confronted him with.

His head started hurting from the words repeating inside his head endlessly, Michal telling him that he only kissed the man at the bar because Hoseok cheated first, accusing him of getting a kick from telling Michal about him and Hyungwon. His rude voice saying that he had no inhibition and would just want to fuck Hyungwon to come crawling back to him. Grinning, as if it had been okay to say that Hoseok was naive and dumb and acted like a twelve-year-old, whining about scratches and talking about stuff no-one was interested in. Michal had been telling him that he had only been with him because of sex and money because those were the only things that made Hoseok worthy of anything.

_Why did you ask him whether he loved you? Why?_

Because he really wanted to know if Tae had been right. Hoseok didn't like it when Tae was right.

_But he was._

It took a while to open the door after the bell rang because the other man's words just repeated in his head and he needed the darkness to calm him down.

Hyungwon ate the sushi and tried to persuade him that it was a normal thing to care about other people like that.

It wasn't.

“What did he tell you, Hoseok? Tell me and I'll show you that he's wrong,” Hyungwon whispered before kissing his lips tenderly. It felt good, so good, but he wasn't able to respond when his brain thought about the answer.

_He told you that he had never loved you because there was nothing to love besides the money that you spent and the way your dick felt. That you should not have any hopes that anybody would want anything else from you._

He didn't answer, telling the other man that it had been nothing special.

_Because it might be true. Maybe he just wants the studio and for you to finally finish it, so he can sculpt in peace._

Hoseok couldn't understand why Hyungwon seemed to care so much about him. They had literally nothing in common besides liking human bodies and light, besides hugging naked and being attracted to each other beyond normal human interaction.

_You shouldn't have been like this. You did things you never do._

Hyungwon kept explaining, he kept giving him examples and bringing childish arguments that were really cute, but he just wanted the darkness to return because it was getting hard to control his facial expressions. Not that he had been especially talented in that, but his resources were completely strained and Hyungwon was so incredibly close that he had major trouble hiding his feelings from the other man.

_You can't tell him to leave, can you? You can't hurt him like this, only because you got hurt._

_Will he be hurt by this?_

“What do you do if you feel bad?” he asked, finally curling his arms around Hyungwon's waist and burying his face in the crook of the other man's neck to not bother faking his facial expressions, it was easier, and he felt safe like this. “I hate the light today.” He closed his eyes and returned to the pleasant sensation of darkness accompanied by Hyungwon's scent.

“When I feel bad?” Hyungwon asked and hummed in concentration, caressing his head with soft motions of his fingers, almost dancing over his black hair. “I usually hug my mom and tell her how horrible my life is until she shows me that I’m wrong and hugs me, possibly baking my favorite cookies. I think we have already initiated the first step by hugging.” He could hear the smile in Hyungwon’s voice, air brushing over the top of his head with every word.

_They must be close like friends, his mother and him._

Hoseok couldn't understand at all. There had been nothing to talk about besides things that he had to take care of and needed his parents for. That had been it.

“You want to be my mom?” he asked and got a little weirded out by the comparison.

“What? God- no, fuck- that came out weird I guess,” Hyungwon stammered and paused the motion of his hand, inhaling sharply like he thought of how to backtrack on his words. “I just meant that hugging helps, at least for me, so I am hugging you, as tightly as I can.” Hoseok could feel how the blonde man tightened his grip, but it didn’t really do much.

_It's nice but you need the dark._

“Hyungwon, I need to turn off the lights,” he whispered, finding the remote on the armrest and gripping it tightly in his hand, actually unnecessary with how easy it was to press the buttons.

The change in body posture was instant as he could feel Hyungwon’s hand sliding down from the top of his shoulder and freezing in place, just like the regular exhales of air that had passed over the top of his head stopped.

A few extended seconds passed until he could feel Hyungwon nod, a minimal motion, barely there, but enough to feel through how close they were.

_He's so scared, what are you doing?_

“You don't have to stay, you can also leave if it makes you scared, but I can't think, I need the darkness, I need it to breathe,” he exhaled and lifted his gaze.

The blonde boy was sitting motionless on top of his lap, hands grasping Hoseok’s shoulders desperately and eyes clenched shut. Hyungwon’s plump lips were parted despite the air that he kept in his chest, trapped until he wasn’t able to hold it any longer and exhaled it all at once, just to imprison the next inhale. He was terrified but still stayed.

Hyungwon leaned forward until their foreheads touched, just barely, as if the other man was testing the distance while still keeping his eyes closed. His breaths remained irregular and it was barely audible when he finally whispered his reply.

“Just- turn off the light.”

_He's scared but he still wants to stay._

Pressing the familiar button, Hoseok covered everything in black. It felt so nice and familiar that he let out a relieved exhale about not having to control his face anymore. Tears collected immediately and rolled down his cheek, it felt good to just cry without anyone to see, there was just Hyungwon's body on top of him.

_He is still scared._

Hoseok let both palms slide over the other man's jeans-clad thighs until he reached his hips and stroked upwards over his slim waist and chest before touching Hyungwon's cheeks with his thumbs.

“I don't know why you didn't leave, but I think that I'm thankful.”

He could feel the blonde boy nod softly as he leaned into the touch, pressing his face into Hoseok’s palm with shaky breaths while holding on tight. Hyungwon's arms travelled upwards to his neck in small steps, unwilling to part for the briefest moment.

“Are you touching me because you're scared?” Hoseok asked. His voice seemed like an intruder in the quiet darkness where only their breaths appeared appropriate.

_Why else would he touch you like this? He can't run away._

“Not- only,” Hyungwon whispered and slid forward with his hips, just a tiny bit until their chests touched. “I want to help you somehow.”

_You don't need help. You just need darkness._

He still enjoyed touching Hyungwon's warm skin, it seemed to suit the darkness, as if it was okay as long as there was no light and Hyungwon couldn't see his face. His thumb stroked over Hyungwon's thick lips, smooth surface giving out under his touch.

He wanted to kiss him.

_It's okay if he just wants the working space, you can enjoy his touch as long as he wants to give it to you._

Leaning in, he let his mouth touch Hyungwon's pierced lips while his fingers raked through the other man's hair.

He must have crossed a barrier with how the muscle tension suddenly disappeared and the light touches turned desperate. The blonde boy tightened his thighs around Hoseok’s hips and curled his lean arms around his neck so that he was able to touch his own shoulders, bodies flush against each other. Although Hyungwon was holding on to him as strongly as possible, the kiss remained light, tender even.

“You feel like air,” Hoseok whispered and pulled Hyungwon closer, embracing him along with the pain he felt. Thinking about it, Hyungwon seemed like a part of the darkness.

“Air can’t hurt that much,” the other man's low voice murmured against his lips, sending soft vibrations through him.

“You don't hurt, you're tender, really soft.” Hoseok couldn't understand why Hyungwon would stay on his lap even though he was scared of the dark. “What would you like to do?” he asked against the warm skin of the other man's long neck, kissing along his jaw up to his small, curled ear.

“I want to be close, when I am close to you I forget the dark,” was the quiet reply as Hyungwon brushed Hoseok’s nose with his plump lips and buried his face in the crook of his neck right after. “Your skin is like marble, just warm. It's calming.”

_He wants to touch your skin._

Leaning back sufficiently to have room to move, Hoseok pulled the loose shirt over his head and took Hyungwon's hands, placing them on his naked chest.

“Let's be close then,” he whispered and licked over the other man's plump bottom lip.

Hyungwon instantly hissed at the contact, lips parting so that Hoseok could feel his own mouth open in response, deepening their kiss. The blonde boy’s hands were careful, palms remaining pressed flat against Hoseok’s chest. Only his fingers slowly curled up, following the lines of his pecs and abdominal muscles.

“Is this okay?” Hyungwon asked, exhaling into Hoseok’s mouth.

“It is, it feels so nice, your hands feel so nice.” He sucked in air, pulling Hyungwon further on top of himself.

“You’re the first person who thinks that. My hands are pretty rough and bony- only the length of my fingers is something people like,” the blonde remarked and let his whole right palm travel over Hoseok’s body, gliding along his abs and hipbones briefly before returning to his pecs and collarbones. It was fascinating how Hyungwon’s face changed with each motion. The big, expressive eyes were shut tightly, escaping the darkness by pretending it was intentional. The lean thighs were shivering a little which he attempted to hide by holding on even tighter. Hyungwon wasn’t able to see, but Hoseok was, taking in the sight and each switch in the other’s facial expressions.

“How does it feel when you can't see but only feel? With light it's the other way around, you normally can't feel it, only see.” Hyungwon looked beautiful when he leaned in and pulled the other man's shirt down to lick over his prominent collarbone.

“It's scary but at the same time it's more intense because my body focuses on the touches.” The blonde boy breathed out harshly and tilted his head back, giving Hoseok more access to his skin. “I can take the dark because it's you.”

“It's fine because you have someone next to you?” It was strange. He couldn't tell whether Hyungwon's harsh breaths were reactions to his touch or due to the other man's fear.

He kissed along Hyungwon's neck and dipped his tongue into the hollow of the other man's collarbone travelling further down, almost reaching the small nipple, but the fabric was in the way.

The quiet breaths got louder just like Hyungwon's thighs shifted on top of him, accompanied by a hiss.

“I'm not scared if I have someone next to me, someone who isn't scared,” the blonde boy whispered. “You can keep me safe.”

_Are you someone who can keep another person safe?_

He doubted that, but he still wanted to be close so badly.

“Can I take off your shirt?” he asked, stroking over Hyungwon's sides and brushing over his chest slowly.

The other man nodded, keeping his head tilted and lips parted. His long fingers curled around Hoseok’s naked shoulders, applying minimal pressure while sliding his thumb along his collarbones.

Hyungwon's whole body tensed heavily as he finally let go, shaking uncontrollably and lifting his arms up.

“But please don't leave,” he gasped.

_This is intense, he's really scared._

Hoseok sucked in a long breath and curled his fingers around the bottom of Hyungwon's t-shirt, pulling it up slowly until he could take it off completely. As soon as the fabric left Hyungwon's long body, he attached his lips to the naked skin of his chest, wishing to make Hyungwon forget that it was dark. His tongue brushed over a nipple and he closed his lips around it, sucking lightly and remembering how sensitive Hyungwon was.

A breathy moan only confirmed his memory as the blonde boy threw his head back and instantly sank his fingers into Hoseok’s hair, shivering from pleasure instead of fear.

“Hoseok- you-" Hyungwon murmured and pushed his hips forward unintentionally. It was hot, and he barely contained his own reaction.

“I- I like it more when you shiver because you like it and not because you're scared,” he murmured against the tiny bud that he licked over with his tongue repeatedly, to evoke those signs that Hyungwon enjoyed his touch.

The blonde boy moaned again, biting down on his lower lip to remain quiet and pushed Hoseok closer to his body, visibly urging him for more. Hyungwon's slim chest rose and fell quickly as his nipple hardened in Hoseok’s mouth and goosebumps spread over the golden skin.

_You want him. Again. All over again._

He moaned at the way Hyungwon shifted on top of him and met his hips automatically, creating friction and adding urgency to his own response.

_You're a bad person, but you're not cheating. At least this._

Sucking on the other nipple, Hoseok pushed the young man's body against himself while using the other hand to illuminate the room in minimal light, to see every twitch on Hyungwon's face.

_Aren't you a hypocrite? Telling him you need darkness but turning on the light as soon as it gets sexual to see everything._

Before he wanted the darkness, but now he started wanting the light.

Hyungwon gasped again as his eyes fluttered open and the big brown orbs moved fluently over his face, not focusing on a feature but passing over the contours instead. The other man must have really struggled with seeing in the dark, even with the minimal light.

“Do you want to see me?” Hoseok asked while placing soft kisses along Hyungwon's collarbones.

Long fingers brushed through his hair and along his back as the blonde man nodded, sucking his lower lip into his mouth.

“If it's okay with you.”

He turned on the additional spots until he was sure that Hyungwon could see him and looked up, brushing over the other man's chest and rolling a nipple between his thumb and index finger.

It was gorgeous how the blonde man’s plump lips parted in the form of a perfect ‘o’ and he stared at Hoseok, exhaling sharply and forcing himself to keep his eyes open at the small sparks of pleasure that Hoseok’s fingers sent through him.

Hyungwon reached out and brushed the tip of his long index and middle finger over his mouth, following the pattern and the curved edges, fascination obvious.

“You’re beautiful,” the younger man whispered and shifted again, crawling even closer, enough to make their groins touch.

“You are.” Hoseok leaned forward and closed his lips around Hyungwon's fingers, sucking briefly while tracing their long shape with his tongue before he leaned back again.

_What are you even doing?_

“Oh god,” Hyungwon hissed and leaned in, licking over his curved mouth with his pierced tongue. It was slow, as if the blonde man wished to trace each inch of skin slowly and memorize it, follow it with the metallic barbell. Licking into his mouth, the other man played with his tongue, tasting him sensually.

The sensation of something wet appeared at his nipple as Hyungwon wiped his fingers over it before rubbing the bud with his index finger and rolling his hips simultaneously.

Hoseok moaned into Hyungwon’s mouth, stroking over his clothed thighs upwards and settling at his hips.

“You're driving me mad,” he whispered, and nibbled on Hyungwon's bottom lip carefully.

“I could say the same about you. You just mess up my feelings, I don’t even know what I am feeling at this point, it’s just pudding,” the blonde boy murmured, and played with his erect nipple repeatedly, pulling it a little before letting go and merely rolling it between his index finger and thumb. The kisses gained in urgency as Hyungwon repeatedly gasped into his mouth, moving towards the touch of his hands.

Pudding defined it pretty well even though there must've been more elaborate words to describe how Hyungwon made him feel. He wanted to hear more, more sounds, more confirmation that he was able to make the other man feel good.

_At least that. That's what you're able to do, Michal said so._

He took Hyungwon's long body, turned them and pinned the taller man against the leather couch, attaching his lips to the sensitive part of his chest.

“I want to make you feel good,” he whispered against the little bud in his mouth.

“You- already are,” Hyungwon gasped and threw his head back, arms resting loosely above his head, sinking into the soft fabric of the black couch pillow. “Does- does it feel freeing to be with me like this?”

“What do you mean, freeing?” He had no idea what Hyungwon was talking about, but he looked so incredibly hot, tattooed arms and collarbones almost black in contrast to the caramel golden tone of the other man's skin.

“Do you feel at peace?” Hyungwon tried again, licking over his lips repeatedly in a desperate attempt to keep the moisture that seemed to disappear the closer they got. His chest rose and fell quickly, fitting to the frequency with which Hoseok licked over his erect nipple or closed his lips around another sensitive patch of his skin. “Do you feel like you can let go when you touch me like this?”

“I feel as if I might be able to make you feel good. It's a last hope I have. But me not being in a relationship anymore doesn't mean that you're not a person with wishes and expectations, so how can I be free, if you have to give consent to everything I do? I don't think one can ever be free, because you always have to make sure over and over that the other person is feeling good and comfortable with what you're doing.” He finished his monologue and returned his lips to Hyungwon's naked skin. Hoseok would've loved to take off the blonde man's jeans, to kiss along his inner thighs to see whether the other man was sensitive there too.

“Why would making me feel good be your last hope? You’ve been doing pretty well until now,” Hyungwon whispered and lifted one arm from the couch pillow, reaching out to place a single strand of hair behind Hoseok’s ear. The soft touch lingered on his cheek for a little longer before it passed over his muscular chest and along his vline. Caressing his hip, he blonde man returned his hand to the pillow above his head. “I think one is always free to decide, even if it is the only freedom we have.”

“Then I was free before too. I made decisions and I dealt with them. Just like you. Do you feel freer to be with me after I took care of my relationship? Do you even want to be here with me?” He didn't want to say it, but it just went past his lips accidentally, pulling the atmosphere into a different direction.

“I do,” the blonde man replied instantly, like he didn’t even need a second to know the answer, legs spreading a little to accommodate Hoseok better. There was something vulnerable to the way he looked, shirtless on his couch with his hands above his head, like there was nothing he was able to do. Hyungwon was so slim that he didn’t even take up most of the space, easily leaving enough for Hoseok’s thighs. “I wouldn’t have come if I didn’t want to be here with you. It’s a decision, isn’t it? I was just hoping that you stopped blaming yourself for wishing to be close to me, beating yourself up over it like you had before.”

“But it looks as if I just took care of some business, so I can be all over you, but it's not like that. It's really not, it's much more complicated. I really want to be close to you.” Hoseok leaned in so that their chests touched and kissed Hyungwon's slightly parted mouth carefully with his eyes closed.

It almost seemed as if the other man’s body melted below him as the plump mouth gave in and arms curled around his neck, touching his shoulders lightly without urging him.

“I’m glad that he can’t hurt you anymore,” Hyungwon whispered and parted his lips further, allowing Hoseok to explore his mouth and taste him. “I just hope I don’t hurt you either.”

_He thinks he hurts you?_

He did when he lied to Hoseok, kept secrets and made up stories, watching for months how his boyfriend cheated on him.

“You don't, I'm fine,” he whispered and curled his arms around Hyungwon's body, pulling the taller man flush against his chest. “It's probably bothersome to go home, you can- stay here overnight, if you want to.”

_Why would he stay? He just has his motorcycle here, he needs to get on and drive home._

“I will,” Hyungwon murmured in response and placed a kiss to the top of his head. It was so affectionate again, lean arms holding him close and stroking over his back. “I just need to wake up early if that is alright with you.”

Hoseok almost grinned in excitement but regained his composure and nodded.

“It's fine, I also wanted to be at the office early. Let's go to bed then. It's late.” Even if they hurried up they probably would only be able to sleep six hours. Leaning back, he adjusted his jeans that were so extremely tight that he wished he wore one of those tents Taehyung liked so much.

“Do you…” Hyungwon began but trailed off, eyes visibly sliding down to Hoseok’s crotch before they returned to his face. The younger man was chewing on his cheek while still lying on the couch, one arm reaching up to brush through his hair. “Want some help with that?”

_Help?_

He almost asked but it suddenly hit him, and he felt his face heat up like fire and he turned around, marching towards the bathroom quickly.

_Why does he always have to point it out?_

Taking out his toothbrush, he threw Hyungwon's next to the sink, remembering that he kept it from the last time, hoping that the other man would need it again. Or not. Or that Hyungwon was stupid enough to drink and forget that he needed to go home and had to stay over, forcefully. That.

“Or not,” the blonde boy muttered under his breath as he entered the bathroom and raked his hands through his recently cut hair repeatedly, attempting to fix it after rubbing it over the pillow. He coughed awkwardly and grabbed the toothbrush as soon as he saw it, pouring some paste over it and scrubbing his teeth furiously. Hyungwon’s brown eyes remained fixed on his own reflection on the mirror as he held onto the sink with one hand.

“Do you- need a shower? Or will you take one tomorrow?” Hoseok asked while looking into the mirror and examining his hair that needed a wash, but he could also do it tomorrow.

“I’d have to get up even earlier if I showered, so I might forsake it all together,” Hyungwon replied, mouth filled with toothpaste and words barely comprehendible. “I could shower after work tomorrow, I’d get dirty with gypsum at night anyway. Might as well save water.”

_What? He what? Who forsakes body hygiene for sleep?_

“Take off your clothes.” Hoseok packed away his toothbrush and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“W-what?” the blonde boy stuttered as his toothbrush simply fell out of his mouth and he failed to catch it, smearing toothpaste on his jeans and the black tiles of Hoseok’s bathroom. “I’m not even done brushing my teeth yet!”

He stared at the white stains and sucked in a long breath.

“Because you're going to shower. Now. Take them off.” Hoseok’s voice was low and demanding, there were some things that he was demanding about and it definitely concerned hygiene and not being a pig.

He could see how Hyungwon lifted a black, non-colored eyebrow and bent down to pick up his toothbrush, cleaning it carelessly before placing it at the side of his sink. The blonde man didn’t bother washing out his mouth before replying.

“And you’ll make sure I’m a good boy and scrub my hair right, or what?”

_He thinks you'll watch?_

“What? You want me to watch? Or do you want me to shower with you? Why wouldn't you know how to scrub your hair? You don't scrub it, you wash it.” Hoseok gestured with his right hand around Hyungwon's head.

The younger man’s eyebrows lifted even further as he pressed his lips together tightly, inhaling through his nose until the thin line transformed into a small pout.

“Mmh,” he hummed and glanced to the side, stroking over his naked abdomen nonchalantly. Turning back towards Hoseok, Hyungwon bit down on his lower lip and opened the button of his jeans. “Who knows, maybe I’m doing it wrong? Want to show me?”

Hoseok wasn't sure whether Hyungwon really wanted him to show how one washed one’s hair, but at this point he was too distracted by the way the young man undressed. It was very different from the way he had normally taken off his clothes to pose. There seemed to be a clear purpose that immediately made his body react.

“You want me to shower with you?” he asked again, unsure what he was supposed to do.

“Mmh,” Hyungwon hummed again, and lowered the zipper. It seemed a little slower than usual, less like the other man just wanted his clothes to disappear but more like he actually enjoyed the process. Hooking both of his thumbs under his waistband, he pulled and revealed the intricate patterns of his tattoos, bit by bit. The bathroom light was bright and reflected easily off the caramel colored skin, emphasizing the black ink.

Once Hyungwon had slipped out of his tight jeans, smoothly by lifting each long leg in succession, the blonde man kept his palm flat against his waist and slid it down under his briefs. The fabric only moved a tiny inch, just enough to see more of Hyungwon’s hip bones and the thin line separating his groin from his thighs.

_He's doing it on purpose. Oh god._

He knew, he really did, but he still couldn't stop staring with his mouth slightly open.

_Be happy that you don't drool or something similarly embarrassing._

Hoseok swallowed a couple of times and cleared his throat, hooking his thumbs under the seam of his jeans, pulling them down so that he could see the prominent vein-covered vline in the mirror.

“Fine. I'll show you if you don't know how to wash.”

“Who knows, maybe being rich gives you special skills,” Hyungwon commented while watching him intently. Hesitating for a few seconds, the younger man slipped his briefs down his legs and left them on the cold tiles, straightening his back and staring down at Hoseok. He had a beautiful body and it was easy to tell how he responded to Hoseok, half-hard erection obvious between his legs.

_He reacts too, so it's fine._

Hoseok wasn't really good at undressing, at least not the professional kind, so he just unbuttoned his jeans and pulled down everything altogether, stepping out of the pile and ignoring the fact that he was hard.

_Maybe he won't comment on it._

“After you,” he commented and gestured towards the open shower.

The blonde boy remained in place for a little bit, staring at his naked form and muttering something that looked suspiciously like ‘fuck’. After a few moments, Hyungwon inhaled sharply and stepped under the shower, leaning against the wall. His arms were crossed in front of his chest and one leg was propped up against the wall, bending at the knee.

“Go ahead and turn on your fancy equipment, Mister.”

“I can't adjust light here besides the colors and I also can't take pictures, so you can stop posing,” Hoseok murmured and turned on the rain shower, waiting until the temperature was pleasant.

“I’m not posing or is this expressing something?” Hyungwon replied and rolled his eyes. “I meant, turn on your fancy shower thing. Last time I almost froze my balls off because I struggled with figuring it out. Can’t you just have one crank for warm water and another for cold water like everybody else? What’s with this ‘turn me in different directions and magic happens’ shit?”

“Your balls look fine to me, and you just have to be a tiny bit smart and be able to read, the rest is self-explanatory.” After the temperature was perfect, he turned on the bluish light and stepped under the water, letting it soak his hair and body and hoping to calm down a little.

Hyungwon pressed his body flat against the wall based on the sound and inhaled sharply.

“Could you make it a little warmer?” the younger man muttered as Hoseok could feel fingertips on his shoulder, slowly traveling along his bicep. “You look like marble.”

_He must freeze easily._

Hoseok opened his eyes and turned the temperature switch, water getting a little too hot for his taste. Turning around, he pulled the other man under the water and gasped at how their naked bodies touched.

Hyungwon’s eyes widened for a short moment until the blonde boy closed them and merely curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck.

“Much better,” he whispered close to Hoseok’s ear and let his long fingers travel over his naked back, applying a little bit of pressure to the muscles of his shoulders and spine.

It felt so good, but he was still half hard and tried to not let their lower bodies touch too much. Reaching for the shampoo, he poured some on his palm and raked his fingers into Hyungwon's hair, massaging his head and cleaning his hair properly. At least that was what he was there for.

Hyungwon chuckled lowly but didn't stop him, bending his knees a tiny bit to make it easier for Hoseok to reach his head.

“Oh boy, you're thorough,” the younger man commented and sighed softly. It must have felt really nice seeing how the lean body relaxed in his arms.

“Mhm, always,” he answered and massaged Hyungwon's temples, shampoo scent spreading in the whole room. It smelled really nice. “Okay, done.”

A small smile passed over Hyungwon's plump lips as he removed his arms from around Hoseok’s neck and turned around. Grabbing his shower gel, the younger man leaned against him, his back touching Hoseok’s chest and small butt pressing against Hoseok’s groin.

“And now this,” the younger man commented and wiggled the bottle next to his head, curling his free arm around Hoseok’s neck from behind.

_Fuck._

“I- what are you even doing, oh god.” Hoseok couldn't help the immediate reaction, erection twitching against Hyungwon's firm butt and breath getting stuck inside his lungs. “You- you want me to wash your body?”

“Yeah,” the blonde man replied and tilted his head back so that it rested on Hoseok’s shoulder. He must have been bending his knees with how perfectly Hoseok’s erection fit against his behind. “Go ahead.”

His body felt even hotter than the water that was running down his arms and chest and how close Hyungwon was. He had to hold back to not grab the other man's hips or to do anything else stupid. Taking the shower gel out of Hyungwon's hand, he poured some into his palms and rubbed them before sliding them down the other man's shoulders carefully.

“Like this?” he asked, before moving his palms over Hyungwon's collarbones and chest, brushing over his nipples on purpose as if they needed to be washed the most. Which they didn't.

The gorgeous man hissed and pushed further against him, long fingers sinking into the wet strands of Hoseok’s hair and pulling a little.

He moaned, not able to suppress his reaction with how arousing it was.

“Just like that,” Hyungwon gasped and turned his head so that he was able to lick over Hoseok’s earlobe briefly, throwing his head back right after. It was difficult to tell if the pierced tongue touched his skin with the warm water covering them, but the remaining heat was prominent enough to know.

Hoseok wanted to touch him so badly. Leaving one hand on Hyungwon's chest, he moved his right hand down over the other man's flat stomach slowly, stroking over a hipbone and going further until he could feel the base of Hyungwon's erection.

“Can I touch you?” he asked, pausing right where it must've felt good for the blonde boy. “You're driving me crazy, I can- I can also touch you with my lips.”

“Fuck, do whatever the fuck you want, Hoseok,” Hyungwon hissed and rubbed his butt over Hoseok’s erection purposefully. The other man's words sounded a little breathy. “Just fucking touch me.”

_Don't do whatever you want._

Hoseok really wanted to make Hyungwon feel good, to make him moan in his pretty, low voice and to lose himself, at least a little.

_He took you into his mouth once too and with his butt rubbing against you, you'll die._

He leaned back, peeling Hyungwon's arm from his neck and turned the other man around, clashing their lips together and pushing their lower bodies against each other. It seemed as if nothing was enough to calm the tension that they were able to create between each other.

_You're dynamite._

***

 

Hyungwon was getting whiplash, nonstop.

First, he felt utterly terrified in the dark and wasn't able to keep his composure, attaching himself to Hoseok like a little child. Then he felt like bursting and barely contained the desire to just grab Hoseok by the hair and beg him to touch him. It was a mess; a gigantic emotional mess and he didn't even know what the better outcome was.

He had tried to be smooth, hinting at the possibility of helping Hoseok out with that gigantic and gorgeous erection of his, but the older man just stormed off into the bathroom like Hyungwon had insulted his whole family.

_Your flirting skills are better than this usually._

Hyungwon had almost given up on the tension and on suppressing his wish to be close to the other man, had Hoseok not been impossibly adorable and genuinely asked whether Hyungwon wanted to be shown how to wash his hair properly. He barely contained his laughter, pressing his lips together and focusing on the fact that he was about to stand in the shower next to the black-haired man, naked.

_If you fuck that up there is genuinely something wrong with you, Hyungwon._

The contact was amazing, standing in the middle of the open shower and embracing intimately. Hyungwon loved every second of it, the feeling of soft hands in his hair, massaging his scalp. He enjoyed how their chests pressed together, how the bluish light made the older man resemble a marble sculpture, bodily expression perfect and breathtakingly smooth.

_Aren't you too attached to this?_

He didn't know, but he also wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. When the black-haired man had washed his hair, he turned around and pressed his back to the other’s chest, positioning his body so that he could feel Hoseok’s dick pressing against his ass. It was amazing, blazing hot and firm, instantly calling back all the memories Hyungwon had of said erection between his lips. Fuck.

He barely kept himself from begging to be touched, but that would have been a little too much. Even for him.

Containing his moans at the shower gel covered hands that repeatedly brushed over his nipples, he threw his head back, hissing at the older man that he was doing it just right.

_You only need more._

It almost seemed like Hoseok could read his thoughts as his firm hand slipped lower, all the way to the base of Hyungwon's hard dick.

_Fuck, fucking shit._

He wanted to whine and scream at the older man to touch him already, but it would have seemed so desperate, so eager.

“Can I touch you?” Hoseok asked hesitantly with his low voice, following up with images of his curved lips around Hyungwon's dick.

He barely contained a moan at the words alone and bit his tongue painfully. Since when was arousal so painfully urgent, like nothing apart from the black-haired man's touch could satisfy it?

“Fuck, do whatever the fuck you want, Hoseok,” he cursed and couldn't suppress the way he pushed himself further into Hoseok’s thick erection that brushed over his ass, fitting snuggly between his cheeks. Shit.

Suddenly the other man stepped back and removed his arm from his warm neck, staring at him for a few seconds, gaze dark and unusual for the black-haired man, before their lips clashed together and Hoseok grabbed his hips, pushing their lower bodies into each other and groaning into his mouth.

“You make me go crazy, shit,” Hoseok's low voice vibrated against his lips before the other man leaned down and sucked his nipple into his curved mouth, rubbing over it with his tongue repeatedly and holding his hips in an iron grip.

Hyungwon would have suppressed the moans that left his lips and echoed through the bathroom, low and needy, but it was too sudden. His fingers grasped Hoseok’s shoulders desperately and he threw his head back, overwhelmed by his own sensitivity and the firm grip.

“Fuck me up then,” he hissed and tried to increase friction, but Hoseok didn't let him, keeping his body in place.

A couple of moments passed with Hoseok's teeth against his nipples before the other man moved down, kneeling and curling his fingers around his thighs. Hoseok's curved mouth placed kisses along his thighs upwards, almost where Hyungwon wanted him.

Hyungwon gasped at the sensation and threw his head back until he forced himself to look down at the other man. He looked gorgeous kneeling on the ground, strong hands holding onto his thighs and lips caressing his skin.

“Fuck, Hoseok, holy shit,” he gasped as his eyes widened. He had wished to feel the older man's lips around him a lot of times, but it had always seemed surreal, a sexual wish that was meaningless as it was unlikely to come true. But fuck, that looked pretty fucking real to him.

Hoseok always seemed so easily embarrassed and hesitant but there was none of it.

The other man exhaled against his tip and placed a few kisses around his erection before curling his delicate hand around it and licking along the connection between head and shaft.

“Fuck, oh my god, p-" He bit down on his tongue painfully and threw his head back, forcing himself to get a grip. He acted as if it was his first blowjob even though it wasn't, body burning up and dying to beg for more.

_It's because you want him. It's not just a fucking blowjob. He'd never blow your dick unless it means something._

His hips stuttered forward, but Hoseok kept them in place, continuing his torturous ministrations while Hyungwon tried not to moan too loudly, gasping repeatedly.

“It looks perfect, long and straight,” Hoseok hummed and sucked on his tip finally, burying his tongue in the slit and stroking over his thighs in the process.

Hyungwon couldn't contain it anymore and moaned loudly, feeling his legs begin to shiver from the pleasure, hands instantly sinking into the black strands of Hoseok’s hair. It felt so fucking good.

“I prefer yours,” he gasped and attempted to thrust forward but the hand on his hip was stronger. The older man's strength was such a fucking turn on, Hyungwon wanted more, to have Hoseok restrain him and drive him mad. “Fuck, I love how strong you are. Give me more.”

It was crazy how his body was forced forward suddenly, as Hoseok pulled him against his mouth and his erection disappeared between the other man's gorgeous lips, leaving only a little. Hoseok hummed and let him go again, licking and sucking, one hand loosening from his hips and reaching up to brush over his nipple.

_Fuck._

Hyungwon's legs almost gave out as he groaned at the sensation, hearing his own moans echoing off the walls. His body burned from arousal and he just wanted to have the older man all over him, to have Hoseok drive him so mad that he could only scream his fucking name.

“Shit, Hoseok, shit, I can barely stand,” he moaned and increased his grip, moaning helplessly.

“It's fine, I'll hold you,” the other man's low voice commented, and he felt Hoseok's arm curling further around his thigh before Hoseok's lips took him again, tightening impossibly and speeding up the motions in addition to his hot tongue, playing with his tip as soon as Hoseok sucked up.

Hyungwon cracked.

“Fuck, make me come, Hoseok, please,” he muttered helplessly, holding onto Hoseok’s body as well as he could and throwing his head back and forth. He couldn't think, he couldn't do anything, there was just the burning in his groin and the wish to let go, to let the older man have his way with him. Fuck.

His words must've done something as he felt Hoseok's lips, before the other man took him so deep that he hit the back of his throat. Hoseok groaned around him and deepthroated him repeatedly, right hand still stimulating his nipple while his left hand held him in place.

It felt so fucking good, for a short instance Hyungwon felt like he lost consciousness, vision blurring and muscle tension increasing impossibly. His mouth parted in a low moan and he managed to cover it with his palm as he screamed right after, releasing himself between Hoseok’s gorgeous, curved lips without warning. Fuck.

“Shit,” he cursed and moaned right after, body simply giving up on remaining steady. “I should have warned you, fuck, oh my god.”

The black-haired man swallowed repeatedly and sucked up, strong arms holding him in place before Hoseok lifted to his feet and curled his arms around his waist instead.

“Shit, I didn't think about stuff like that when I chose my bathroom tiles, I should have taken the smooth ones.” Hoseok's low, rough voice appeared next to his ear, while the other man tried not to let their lower bodies meet.

Hyungwon couldn't believe that there was somebody in this world that didn't want friction against his hard dick after giving a blowjob. Hoseok was just mental.

Inhaling sharply to get his senses back, he curled his arms around Hoseok’s waist, grabbed his butt cheeks firmly and pulled them towards himself, adding a little bit of stimulation. He wanted the older man to feel good, even if he pretended to be fine.

_He wants you, he just doesn't want to show it._

“You made me lose it,” he whispered and decided to not elaborate on that and vehemently deny that he had begged in case of questioning. “Now I want to hear you moan, Hoseok.”

The other man didn't say anything, simply attaching his lips to his neck and letting his tongue trace his jaw slowly. The only clue had been his breathing, Hoseok didn't inhale for a long time before exhaling shaky and sucking in long strained breaths.

“Do you want me?” Hyungwon asked softly and let his hand slowly travel around Hoseok’s muscular butt and over his hip bone until he arrived at the older man's gorgeous erection, hot against his fingers. Licking over his lips once, he curled his hand around the tip and rubbed it with his thumb. His other hand circled around Hoseok’s neck to keep him close. Fuck, Hyungwon wanted to hear the older man moan, he'd even let him fuck him if he'd ask nicely and wouldn’t go too hard on him.

Hoseok hummed, gasping right after at the sensation Hyungwon's fingers were providing. Warm, wet hands roamed over his back and the curve of his spine, over his ass and back up.

“You're gorgeous,” Hoseok whispered, audibly strained.

“So are you,” he replied and closed the distance between their lips, licking into Hoseok’s mouth and tasting himself. It felt so intimate because of the kisses, because the older man seemed more than just aroused. Hyungwon could feel his own response slumbering under the surface and just waiting to prove to Hoseok that he was a young man.

It would have been embarrassing, so he decided to turn up his pleasuring game.

“How do you want me? Would you like me on my knees, Hoseok? Or something else? I'm sure I can drive you mad again, make you wish you were inside of me.”

Hoseok moaned, not fast enough to be muffled by their kisses and pulled him closer.

“I don't know, just touch me,” he whispered, chewing on his lower lip and licking over it repeatedly.

Hyungwon barely curbed the desire to just give the black-haired man everything with how desperate and hesitant he seemed. Licking over his lips once to moisten them properly, he curled his fingers around Hoseok’s right palm and led it all the way to the back of his head. As soon as the older man had intertwined his fingers with Hyungwon's hair, he placed one last kiss to the curved lips and made his way down, licking over the muscular chest and exploring each little dip and tensed muscle. It was gorgeous and Hyungwon wished he had pictures of the other man, a frame of every emotion and instance that the other had ever been in.

Littering kisses along Hoseok’s abdomen, Hyungwon finally sank to his knees and sat down on his calves, watching the other man intently.

Hoseok's blush was visible, even under the bluish lights, spreading over his cheeks and his chest, while the other man looked down at him with his lips parted.

“I want you,” Hoseok whispered suddenly.

“Then take me,” Hyungwon replied with a small smile even though his heart was beating furiously in his chest. Giving someone a blowjob wasn't supposed to feel like this, quickening his breath independent of arousal.

He moved forward a little bit and parted his lips, grabbing Hoseok’s free hand right after and leading it to his jaw. The soft fingers felt amazing against his skin, reminding him of how the older man was going to react. Fuck, the thoughts got him going even though he had just had one of his craziest orgasms yet.

Apart from that toy he had. That one was the best.

“Is this- okay with you?” Hoseok asked while curling his right hand around his thick, curved erection and giving it a few strokes. The other man looked absolutely gorgeous in the blue light with the water drops running down his sculpted body like a waterfall.

_How did you get into this situation to be allowed to see such a mesmerizing sight?_

Hyungwon nodded, feeling breathless for no reason and leaned in to lick over the tip of Hoseok’s erection once, confirming what he wanted even more.

Hissing, Hoseok moved forward and let his tip slide over his lips slowly, watching how they gave out. The overwhelming thing had been the way Hoseok looked at him. He didn't look as if he wanted to fuck his mouth and go to sleep, it was somehow really affectionate, as if Hyungwon was giving him something precious only they shared.

Pushing himself in, Hoseok caressed his face with his fingers, not moving yet but just gasping at the feeling of his mouth.

_It's so intimate, it's not the same at all._

Hyungwon swallowed, not because he wanted Hoseok to feel good but just because he felt overwhelmed and had to control the feeling, do something about it. The older man treated him like he was something precious and it was difficult to calm his heartbeat.

“I'll move, okay?” The black-haired man brushed a strand of his hair behind his ear and started moving slowly at first, watching him and his facial expression intently, quiet moans leaving the other man's lips without a break.

It was intense how the almost black eyes didn't leave his face. It wasn't even about the older man watching his own dick disappear and getting riled up over it, not at all and Hyungwon didn't know how to deal with it. Rather Hoseok just seemed overwhelmed by his face, his willingness to be on his knees for him, to wish to please him. It was just fucking crazy.

There was no point in pretending because Hyungwon genuinely enjoyed getting his mouth fucked, to see the other person lose themselves while slipping in and out of his mouth repeatedly, preferably while holding his head in place.

His body responded to the sensation already and he hoped that the older man wouldn't pay too much attention to that. It tended to be a topic to be teased over.

The moans got louder and Hoseok's muscles tensed frequently, toned stomach showing the pleasure that must've spread throughout the other man's body from the movements. His dark eyes were still focused on his face apart from a few moments where he rolled his eyes, when Hyungwon used his tongue on him.

“You feel so good, oh god,” Hoseok moaned throwing his head back and curling his fingers into his hair, pulling carefully. Hyungwon wanted him to pull more.

And he wanted to touch himself, fuck.

The sight was just too much, returning arousal as if it had never left his body and blurring his senses. Using his tongue repeatedly and stimulating the older man with the small barbell, he used his left hand to cover Hoseok’s fingers that were pulling his hair lightly, closing around it to show the black-haired man that he wanted him to pull more. In the meantime, his right hand slipped between his legs, giving his dick a few strokes and moaning around the erection in his mouth. Fuck, it felt good.

Something changed as Hoseok pulled a little more and started moving faster. Glancing up he could see that Hoseok was watching him please himself, moaning and licking over his lips repeatedly. The other man must've liked it.

It was like a catalyst, Hyungwon enjoyed watching Hoseok lose it, who in turn reacted to him pleasing himself, which just almost catapulted him over the edge before the older man. It was almost unfair.

He sped up the motions of his hand and couldn't help the moans that instantly followed, sending vibrations through the other man. The hands in his hair only added to the pleasure, fuck, he loved it so much. It was almost as if Hoseok knew exactly what to give him to drive him mad. Hyungwon was the one letting the black-haired man fuck his mouth, but still he felt close to begging for more. It was ridiculous.

“I'm close, you're driving me crazy, Hyungwon, fuck,” Hoseok cursed, finally pulling his hair harsher and looking at his reaction before turning back into a gorgeous, moaning mess. A few movements were sufficient for Hoseok to bury himself deeper between his lips and release himself.

“Oh god, Hyungwon, you- oh my god,” the black-haired man groaned, trying to catch his breath while his pale, muscular thighs flexed in front of Hyungwon's face.

_Fucking hell._

He was close but not quite there yet, so he sped up the movements of his hand and sucked his way upwards, holding his breath.

“Wait, let me kiss you,” Hoseok murmured and pulled him up, lifting him in the air while holding onto his thighs and closed his lips around his left nipple, sucking on it.

“Just touch yourself and I'll kiss you.”

Hyungwon never wanted anybody to fuck him, never, because he didn't really enjoy it. But damn, he would have let Hoseok, just to see his face, to watch his reaction to being inside of him.

“Fuck, you might be the only man I'd willingly let inside of me, shit,” he cursed, not stopping his tongue before it was already too late. His hand curled around his aching dick as he stroked himself and threw his head back, unable to keep the loud moans in. The way Hoseok was able to hold him up like he weighed nothing only added up to the fireworks exploding behind his eyelids.

His whole body convulsed, and he tightened his grip on the older man's shoulder, unable to suppress the desperate moan that left his lips, sounding so much unlike himself.

“Fuck, holy fuck, Hoseok,” he gasped in post orgasmic bliss and curled all available limbs around the other man, resting his head on his shoulder.

“You're so light,” a soft whisper hit his ear while Hoseok kissed along his shoulder. It felt amazing and Hyungwon just wanted to take superglue and attach his limbs, but Hoseok’s skin would probably react badly to superglue. It was really sensitive.

_Oh god, you really lost it._

“It definitely feels like there is air in my head now,” he replied, still struggling to breathe. “You're like Hercules, fuck, my kink.”

“I didn't know that people could spend forty minutes in the shower without washing,” Hoseok commented and chuckled, still holding him, as if it was necessary.

“Hey, don't discredit your efforts at washing my hair and nipples,” Hyungwon replied with a laugh and pressed a brief kiss to Hoseok’s lips. “Have you never had sex in the shower before?”

“Not really, because- the lube, you need the special one and, yeah,” Hoseok muttered, blushing like a champion. “You did?”

“Ehm, yeah, it's the best way to make sure everyone is clean without wasting too much time. Although I gotta say, kneeling on the bed is more comfortable,” he pointed out and barely contained the smile at Hoseok’s antics. The black-haired man was sweet, switching from strength and skill to embarrassment so quickly. “Normal lube also does the job if you don't keep the water on. Or you only use shower lube, there is this purple type, forgot the name but my mom is a big advocator of that one.”

“You like kneeling on the bed? But you said things that don't make sense, you said you have one night stands and that you are complicated and that I am the only- that you would let me inside you. Oh god, just forget what I said, let's wash and go to bed,” Hoseok murmured and reached for the shower gel, just pouring some on both of them even though the shit must've been expensive.

Hyungwon was amazed by Hoseok’s delicate reformulation of him saying he'd let the older man fuck him. He was also a little amused by Hoseok pouring shower gel all over them, but not thinking of letting him down.

_You definitely won't be the one to mention it._

“I said _willingly_ , Hoseok. You're the only one I would willingly let inside of me.” Hyungwon sighed and helped the other man by rubbing his palms over his chest, foaming up and enjoying how the tensed muscles felt under his fingers at the same time. “I love being on my knees, especially if it's for a treat like I got just now.” He licked over his lips in memory and pressed another kiss to Hoseok’s lips.

“I don't understand what you're talking about, it doesn't make sense, but it's okay, it's really late. But- you're really gorgeous,” Hoseok commented shyly and pressed a kiss against his lips before letting him down and washing his body thoroughly.

It was weird but Hyungwon felt strangely happy even though Hoseok had just told him he made no sense and followed it up with a compliment. The black-haired man was sweet, staring elsewhere while washing off the foam that stuck to his body. It was strange how in one moment Hyungwon felt like the child, helpless and unsure what to do and in the next the older man became insecure, blushing and glancing away.

_Is it meant to be like this? Is it okay?_

“You're gorgeous too,” he replied with a smile and stepped under the warm flow of water, wondering what they actually were.

_He said that he didn't break up to be with you, so it's not really about you, is it?_

It probably wasn't.

_

 

The masonry chisel felt pleasant in his hand as he measured the angle and carefully removed another thin layer of plaster, repeating the motion endlessly until the material finally took form. It looked gorgeous.

The process of sculpting was calming and gave him peace of mind. There was no need to talk to anybody or fulfil requests or even follow the instructions of his superiors. There was just Hyungwon in his dirty t-shirt and jeans, working on a plaster sculpture that he would hopefully be able to make money from.

_Just that you don't know if you want to sell this one._

Several hours had already been invested into the fine veins that were visible on the delicate hand of the subject of his attention. The hours he had spent on the sculpture didn't feel as long as the hours that had passed since he had last seen the model for the sculpture.

_Hoseok._

It wasn't that the older man didn't contact him, he did, regularly even with various details about his studio and random information on galleries. However, that was basically it, there was no invitation to meet up, no offer for coffee, and no offer to come over and take pictures even though Hoseok wanted to do so ages ago.

_But that's not even what concerns you so much, is it?_

No, it wasn't, because Hoseok himself concerned him. Sure, he had thought about the older man before, wondering about his feelings and why he acted the way he did, thinking about their strange tension and how he wanted to be close, even if it wasn't sexual. But now it had only gotten worse. It felt like Hyungwon wasn't capable of thinking about anything else apart from the older man. His collection of mini figurines was the perfect proof of that. A few rather sexual editions have joined the shelf that he kept covered by a thin, non-transparent plastic sheet, just in case.

_You sculpted him spread-legged with his dick in his hand. Even if the whole sculpture is the size of your index finger, it's still there._

And his index finger happened to be rather long.

Sighing loudly, he continued to contemplate his strange relationship with the older man. The problem was that there wasn't a relationship in the first place. Just like they hadn't been friends before, they weren't friends now. But they also weren't more than that either.

Hyungwon had been convinced that breaking up with Michal would be a gigantic turning point for Hoseok, that it would mean that their relationship would change, become much more serious.

_But it didn't, nothing happened._

It was frustrating how Hyungwon found his thoughts returning to the older man nonstop and how Hoseok had smiled at him, how affectionate the touches remained no matter how sexually loaded they were. Everything between them was different, just their relationship wasn't.

His chisel continued scratching along the plaster, creating the familiar form of curved lips, parted in the aftermath of bliss while the other man's muscular arm covered his eyes. Hyungwon hadn't finished the sculpture’s chest yet, too obsessed with sculpting the facial features from memory to get them right. There were no pictures this time, just the mental image of how Hoseok had looked after pleasing himself in the arranged light of the older man's bedroom.

Hyungwon still thought about it sometimes, about how intimate and at the same time vulnerable it had been. He also thought about how Hoseok had held him close after blessing him with a second orgasm, holding his weight like it was nothing and like he wanted to be with him.

_But he doesn't, you're just creating scenarios on your own._

It was a little pathetic even, how Hyungwon had been running around and panicking about sucking at relationships and not being able to give Hoseok what he needed. The older man had had no intentions of dating him. Of course, there was something between them and it was difficult to deny, but that something wasn't enough to date him apparently.

_You were the one who was afraid of dating. Why are you so pointlessly upset now? The two of you just like each other, it's not a dramatic love confession._

It was stupid, but to Hyungwon it seemed a little like his feelings had only increased in their intensity, proven by his inability to produce a sculpted body that wasn't Hoseok’s, whereas Hoseok had calmed down, maybe even cooled off.

_Maybe you're not that exciting anymore?_

Hyungwon wouldn't have blamed the black-haired man, after all forbidden things tended to be exciting and damn, he would have loved to be just as calm about it, had his brain not decided to pull the biggest crush out of the depths of its emotional capacity.

_You're crushing on him and he seems to be fine, he doesn't even open up to you._

Hyungwon wasn't an idiot and knew that Hoseok wasn't a very talkative person. The older man didn't like to share his problems and he even hid most of them from his best friend. But even so Hyungwon had somehow expected that Hoseok would have shared his feelings about the breakup with him, opened up just like he had before instead of using darkness as a wall. It had hurt a little because it meant that the black-haired man couldn't trust him, at least not with that.

_Aren't you expecting too much? Thinking he'll instantly want to date your twenty-year-old ass even though he has just told you that the break up wasn't about you._

Hoseok hadn't ended his relationship because of him, he wasn't the reason. Sure, there was something between them and the tension was difficult to deny, but whatever it was, it hadn't been the driving force for the older man to end a two-year relationship. Hyungwon just needed to manage to get it into his head, to stop feeling like he was ditched at a fancy restaurant by his date and doesn't have enough money to order a glass of water.

_You're the one who didn't want him to act like you're Cinderella and he has to save your ass. You didn't want to be a charity case._

Scrubbing more material from the plaster sculpture, Hyungwon couldn't help but wish that looking behind someone's facade was just as easy, with a few scratches on the surface. Sculptures were so expressive and didn't hide anything, nothing as strong as an emotional state.

Another sigh left his lips. He had wanted to relax and be at peace, but he had just stared at the gypsum version of Hoseok’s gorgeous face and contemplated his own naivety.

Hyungwon didn't want to date, he didn't.

There was too much going on in his life, he had to earn more money and become financially stable. He had to become more known as a sculptor and try out different techniques. He had to finish his studio, get the furniture and figure out his messy relationships. There was so much going on that there was no time for anything else.

No, Hyungwon didn't want to date.

But somehow, he wished that Hoseok had at least asked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 13th of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It makes you human, Hoseok.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

It was strange, he thought he would've felt lonely and sad after ending his relationship, but it felt the same.

_Because he was right, there was no love from his side anyway and you can throw your affection into nothing, it will feel the same._

He threw his affection towards Hyungwon instead. Well, not directly towards him, more towards Hyungwon's work space to be exact.

After finally getting a duplicate of the keys, he spent almost every day at the location, supervising the construction company and watching how they changed the window shape and installed the new glass he picked. He hired a company to rebuild the walls, correcting the irregular shapes and painting everything in a perfect white. He asked a sculptor who had hired him for his gallery once, what kind of equipment he used for his work and bought everything including spacious cupboards, a big desk and a wheel to turn the bigger sculptures.

_It's double the budget._

Actually, it was almost three times the budget Hyungwon had, but Hoseok really wanted to finish the project perfectly. It had to show how much he loved Hyungwon's sculptures and that he actually liked the blonde boy. His words were just never really enough, it always seemed to end up in a misunderstanding.

_Like spending forty minutes in the shower without washing instead of talking about your emotional state, in addition to the fact that you both needed to wake up early._

He had spent the last three hours simulating lighting concepts because he was a perfectionist and impossible to satisfy. Suddenly a cup of coffee was placed right in front of him.

_Tae._

He looked up and smiled, taking a careful sip.

“So, how does it feel to be a free man? Is it tingly and exciting? Now you can do whatever you like. Ah- regarding ‘doing whatever you like’, how is it going with Hyungwon?” His best friend pulled himself up on the desk, pushing his keyboard to the side with his hips.

“Your butt is preventing me from working. It feels the same as before, it must be my status quo,” Hoseok murmured, collecting the printed concepts in a clean pile. “Should there be something going on with Hyungwon? He's working and so am I.”

_And you're like an animal as soon as you two are close._

“Uhh, I thought you two would be all over each other after you finally emancipated yourself from this trash-human. Did something happen? Did you fight? Hyungwon was so concerned about you and he cares so much, gosh, such a precious sunshine.” His best friend squished his face between his huge palms.

_He was concerned? But why?_

“Why would we be all over each other? He only does one night stands and I can't do one night stands, I'm a dating person. He doesn't want to date. Not that I want to date him or anything, I mean- we just kinda like each other, you don't date if you like each other, you just- I don't know, hang around and things like that. We're like fire and water, we don't have anything in common besides sculptures and light, also we're not in a loving relationship or anything, there's no relationship, and no love, why would there be? I'm freshly out of my past relationship and it didn't really work out, so why would I immediately jump into something new? He doesn't even want that. And me too, I also don't want that. We're fine like this.” He inhaled sharply after talking non-stop like an idiot.

“You're crushing on him, aren't you? Really hard. Gosh, Hoseok, just go for it, it's not some taboo or anything. He likes you too.” Taehyung leaned in and kissed his cheek, brushing over his bangs once.

_It's not that easy, it's never easy._

“What does it matter whether I ‘crush’ on him or not? He's ten years younger than me, he takes drugs and has sex with strangers, thinking ‘rich’ people like me have it all. He lied to me, twice, watching how my boyfriend cheated on me while telling me that we can't be close because I have a boyfriend who loves me,” he hissed and stared at the ceiling, feeling the anger boiling in his veins at the memory. “So, what am I supposed to do now? Now that I got rid of my responsibility I can just jump into the next thing, even though the other person doesn't even want it? What the fuck does it make me, if I just ended my relationship to be close to him? Fuck.” He felt like running away, but Taehyung's arms curled around his neck and he pulled him into a tight hug.

“It makes you human, Hoseok.”

_But it doesn't change anything._

_

 

Arranging the last spot and having the marble block placed on the wheel, Hoseok played with the settings a little, trying out the lighting on the spot with the beige carpet that he had purposefully adjusted for taking pictures, if Hyungwon wanted to. The space was perfect, it really was. The big round windows let enough light in and made the mostly white room even brighter, it was amazing, and he sincerely hoped that Hyungwon would consider it amazing too, after all the time and money he had invested in it.

_Just hope that he'll get the message._

Pulling out his phone, he typed a message quickly.

‘Would you like to meet up today? If you have time of course.’ He sent it off and stared at his phone waiting till the WhatsApp message was read and anticipating the answer.

Actually, Hoseok must've forgotten how Hyungwon looked. They hadn't seen each other for over two weeks with how busy they both have been. If he hadn't looked at the pictures of the other man on his work computer every day, he probably would've forgotten.

His phone blinked with a reply.

‘Sure, I thought you’re the busy one. Imma b done at 11PM’

Hyungwon still didn't know how to write, but Hoseok was happy apart from the accusation. He was busy. For him.

‘Do you want to come over, or do you prefer to meet somewhere else?’ He pressed send and remembered the features of the other man's handsome face. Sadly, most of them were in combination with him touching them tenderly.

_It's hard like this._

‘I'd love to come over, see u there.’

Hoseok exhaled and the pressure left him to make room for panic.

_What are you going to do? Will you get sushi? You got sushi the last three times, you don't even know if he likes sushi. What if he hates fish, or rice, or you?_

He ruffled his hair and ran to his car, driving home at high-speed.

Throwing his shoes into a corner like a person who didn't know how to behave, he sprinted to the huge mirror in his hallway examining his reflection. He definitely needed a shower after working the whole day and sorting the things in the sculpting space, he needed to change into clothes that didn't look as if he was a Vogue model and he needed to be quick because he had an hour. Typing Hyungwon a confirmatory ‘okay’, he slipped out of his clothes quickly and jumped into the shower, turning the water on and staying in it only for a minute, letting his body get used to the temperature.

_Remember this one time you showered with him?_

He wanted to hit himself, but it was too late, the tingling started along his legs and spread further up, centering in his groin and forcing the blood to flow downwards.

_Maybe you should please yourself to not fall over him like the last times. You shouldn't be like this to him, he might think you just want sex._

Hyungwon probably already thought that, but it didn't bother his arousal, crawling further and making him eager. He moved his right hand down and curled his fingers around his erection, giving it a few strokes and hissing at the feeling his tight grip could provide. It was nothing compared to Hyungwon's mouth, absolutely nothing, but his hand had to suffice for the past two weeks.

_And for the next two weeks, Hoseok._

And for the next two weeks.

Brushing his thumb over the smooth tip, he moaned quietly, remembering how Hyungwon let him move freely without restraining him and letting him pull his blonde hair while playing with his tongue as Hoseok slid in and out of his mouth. It was so hot. Hyungwon was so incredibly hot.

He didn't have to contain himself at home, so he sank down, leaning his back against one of the two walls and spreading his legs. He let the water hit his skin while it muffled his moans a little bit, hand moving faster while his other hand brushed over his nipple, playing with it and adding up on the sensations. When it was enough he went further down and cupped his balls, massaging them and getting closer to his release.

_Imagine him, Hoseok._

Unfortunately, the other man had given him enough spoilers while bending over naked in front of him and providing other interesting details in their conversations, so his brain immediately went places, supplying him with every fantasy he would've never talked about, but had nevertheless. He could basically feel the other man's body all over him when he moaned and orgasmed, thighs shivering and muscles flexing until it was over.

_Why are you like this?_

It was a little pathetic, but it was still better than falling over the other man as soon as he came over.

_You still didn't solve the sushi problem, and you're still in the shower, oh god, what are you doing?_

He washed himself hurriedly and jumped out, not bothering to style his hair and slipped into fresh underwear and black, ripped jeans, he had gotten as a present from Tae but never wore. It was time, his thighs looked really good in those. Throwing a dark blue t-shirt over his body, he sprinted into the living room.

_You can decide what to do after the wine._

Pouring a little into his glass, he downed it and looked around.

_But you don't eat anything besides sushi. Damn it._

_Just ask him when he's here._

But asking was lame, having everything ready was much better, but he didn't have time as the bell rang and he knew exactly who it was. He ran to the door, before getting his wits back and opening it slowly while smiling brightly.

Hyungwon was chewing on his cheek and looked a little wet. It wasn't as bad as it had been that one time, but enough to be visible and to see how slim the blonde boy was. It must have rained on the way, t-shirt sticking to his chest and sides.

Hoseok’s memory hadn't done the gorgeous boy in front of him any justice. Big, brown eyes were staring at him, fitting perfectly to the delicate, round face and red, luscious lips, disappearing as Hyungwon smiled brightly.

_So handsome._

“I managed to get off a little bit earlier, I even brought you something,” the blonde boy exclaimed cheerfully and held up a box, the same ones he used when he brought delivery. “I'm digging your jeans, sweet Jesus.”

_Did he bring you sushi?_

It was stupid, but Hoseok felt really happy and relieved after seeing Hyungwon at the door with food.

“Thank you so much, I didn't know what to get, but you brought it, come in,” he murmured and opened the door letting Hyungwon pass and closing it after him.

“Are you tired?”

“Not really,” the other man replied with a shrug and kicked off his sneakers.

Hyungwon placed the box with sushi on one of the shelves in the hall as he pulled his leather jacket off his shoulders and hung it up. The fabric must have been pretty old judging by the signs of usage along the elbows and arms. The blonde’s t-shirt was mostly soaked, almost enough to be able to tell the outline of his chest.

“To be honest I had to deliver for a party and they thought it was really funny to let their stripper accept the food. I'm definitely not tired after that, mildly terrified maybe.” Chuckling, Hyungwon brushed through his moist hair and took the box of sushi to the living room.

_He will freeze._

Dropping by his bedroom, Hoseok grabbed the first white shirt, that just happened to be Gucci, and entered the living room where Hyungwon already sat on the couch and ate a maki with his hands like a pig.

_A handsome, slim and delicate pig_

“Here, change, because the shirt doesn't leave any room for imagination,” he murmured and threw the piece of clothing onto Hyungwon's lap. He sat down next to him and pulled out the wooden chopsticks, breaking them apart.

“Why would you need imagination anyway?” the blonde boy remarked and inserted another piece into his rather big mouth, opened wide. “It'll dry. I don't wanna ruin your clothes.”

“Just change, you'll ruin my head otherwise.” Hoseok grabbed a nigiri with his chopsticks and put it into his mouth carefully.

“I thought I'm supposed to be the young and impressionable one,” Hyungwon pointed out with a giggle and wiped his fingers on his jeans before pulling his wet t-shirt over his head, remaining shirtless. He must have been hungry as he didn't bother to put on Hoseok’s t-shirt and merely inhaled another maki.

“At least you don't grunt,” he whispered and looked to the side, spotting his wine glass and clutching onto it like a solution to all of his problems. He stood up and walked over, taking the bottle and pouring some of the liquid into his glass.

“Want some too?”

“Sure, if I'm not too ‘animalistic’ for you,” the other man pointed out and topped the whole thing by curling his right hand and meowing briefly, just to stuff more food into his mouth right after. “How have you been?”

_You're the animalistic one for pleasing yourself and thinking about him all the time._

“Oh, I wanted to ask you the same! I worked, a lot, really a lot, but now I'm fine and extremely happy, but also sad.” A smile appeared on his features as he filled Hyungwon's glass and walked over, handing it to the half-naked man on the couch.

The blonde boy's eyes widened as he reached out to grab the t-shirt briefly, before letting it go again.

“I worked and sculpted a lot, increased a few mini collections that I don't sell. But- why are you sad?” Worry crossed Hyungwon's features as he accepted the wine and took a sip, not bothering to smell it this time.

_He can't be sad because it's for him._

“Because it was for you, and now I'm done.” He drank some more and grabbed a maki with his fingers, putting it into his mouth. The pig thing was contagious.

“You're sad because the project is done? You finished the studio? Holy shit- but why would you be sad, shouldn’t you be happy? You can actually make money and wait for Tae to find the next exciting project he'll shamelessly accept for you.” Hyungwon was smiling brightly as he placed the glass of wine on the table in front of him and shifted on top of the couch. He looked really excited. “Oh god, I can't wait to see, I tried so fucking hard to let you work in peace even though I go there pretty often, to remind myself why I'm doing all of this shit usually.”

Hoseok wanted him to see it immediately, but swallowed instead, drinking a little more of the wine and acting nonchalant instead.

“Mhm, that's how it's going to be, exactly like before,” he murmured, not able to remember what his life had been like before he got involved with Hyungwon. “Everything is finished, you can have the keys back.”

“Not to ruin your plans or anything- but where exactly am I in that equation?” Hyungwon inhaled sharply and brushed through his hair roughly, moving his blonde bangs to the back just to have them fall right back onto his forehead. The younger man still hadn’t retouched the blonde color, showing more and more of his black roots. “You sound like we won’t have anything to do with each other after this.”

_What? Wasn’t he the one with the only purpose to get his studio finished._

“Well, you did say we ‘should stay in touch’ and you wanted to have your studio, which is why I worked non-stop, so you can have it.” He moved closer and sat down on the couch next to Hyungwon's half-naked form.

“I didn’t want you to work crazily over it, I just- I don’t know, wanted you to be reasonable about it and enjoy the process. You said that it makes you happy to do it, I wanted you to keep that thought.” The blonde man sighed again and grabbed his glass of wine, emptying it like water. “I only said ‘stay in touch’ because I didn’t know how else to put it. Let’s hang out? See each other? I want to see your pretty face? What do you want me to say?”

He was surprised, leaning back a little and pulling his legs up, crossing them in front of himself.

“I was happy working on it, I even- ah screw it. I don't know how you want to put it. If it's ‘stay in touch’ then so be it, if it's something else, okay. I mean, you were always concerned whether I'd finish it and I wanted to give you peace of mind, so you don't have to be considerate towards me.” Hoseok leaned back against the headrest and sucked in a long breath. Why was communication such as mess between them?

“Wait- are you fucking telling me that I’m sitting here and hanging out with you because I want you to finish my studio, and now I can finally ‘chill’ or what?” Hyungwon looked outraged, eyes huge and fingers curling into fists at his sides. The younger man hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt and Hoseok could easily see how the muscles of his chest contracted in response to his words.

“You can ‘chill’ or whatever, but you lied to me about the sculptures and about the working space, so I just wanted to give it to you already, so you don't have to hang around and make up stories, only because you think that I won't finish it.” He crossed his arms in front of his chest and exhaled roughly.

“So-” Hyungwon stopped talking and glanced to the side, throwing himself deeper on top of the couch and curling his arms around his waist. His long legs were pulled towards his chest. The younger man looked a little vulnerable, long limbs easily curling around his own body and taking up way less space than the blonde boy did while standing straight. “So, you think I didn’t tell you all that because I wanted you to do my studio for me? Okay, I admit, I didn’t tell you that the space was for me, because I thought you wouldn’t want to work for a delinquent teenager with no money and tattoos. But that’s not the point anymore is it? I’m not here because I want you to do my studio, I’m here to see your stupid face. The face you haven’t let me see for over two weeks.”

_He's here to see your face? But it doesn't change the fact that he wanted the studio. More than anything._

_Michal was wrong, you're also good at lighting concepts and interior design._

“You wanted to see my stupid face? Then look!” Hoseok crawled over and leaned in until their faces were mere centimeters apart. He widened his eyes and pouted his lips on purpose, moving them a little back and forth. “Why would you call yourself a delinquent teenager? Are you stupid? And you're freezing without a shirt, that's why I gave you one.”

Hyungwon looked beautiful, his big, brown eyes were staring at him and his full lips parted in surprise. His skin reminded Hoseok of gold, stretching over his neck to the inked parts on his collarbones. Strangely the fact that he had pleased himself before didn't seem to prevent him from wanting to kiss the gorgeous, blonde boy.

“Because-" the blonde boy had exclaimed just to shut up as soon as Hoseok was right in front of him. Inhaling slowly, Hyungwon merely stared, lips only parting further and chest rising and falling quickly, enough to bridge the distance between their faces more with every breath. “Because you always called me that,” the younger man whispered eventually as his fingers dug into the leather of Hoseok’s couch.

_You did? Maybe when you met for the first time._

“It was ages ago, you also called me a rich asshole and a snobby prick but I'm not trying to use it as an excuse for my behavior now,” Hoseok replied and raised an eyebrow and one mouth corner. “Isn't it childish?”

“It's not, even when we got closer you still let things like that slip, I know it makes you uncomfortable. But the point is that I didn't tell you back then, when you called me a delinquent teenager and I just didn't find the right moment to tell you the truth. That is obviously my fault, that's what makes me stupid.” Hyungwon licked over his mouth slowly, showing the metallic barbell in his tongue that had a slightly different form than the last time he saw it.

_At least he knows._

“So, you're telling me that you still want to meet up, even after I’ve finished the project and given you the keys? Because you like me even though I'm a snobby prick?” Hoseok licked over his own lips, mirroring Hyungwon's action.

The blonde man's eyes changed a little, like he saw something that Hoseok couldn't. Removing his hand from the abused leather, he reached out and attached it to the soft fabric of Hoseok’s t-shirt, pulling a little.

“Yeah,” Hyungwon whispered and leaned in, bridging the space between them and touching his plump, warm lips to Hoseok’s slightly parted, curved ones.

_Oh god._

It felt so warm and soft that Hoseok had the feeling of melting into a human puddle. He would have never said it, but he had missed Hyungwon's lips and his touch so much over the past few weeks, longing for and thinking of them periodically.

_It's fine to kiss._

He kissed back, moving his lips over Hyungwon's plump mouth and leaning further into the touch, letting his right hand curl around the other man's warm neck.

The blonde boy gasped and let himself fall further onto the couch, taking Hoseok along through the grip on his shirt. Hyungwon kept himself small, spreading his legs a little to accommodate Hoseok’s thighs and reaching under his own thigh to stroke along Hoseok’s.

“I missed you,” he blurted out like an idiot with no inhibition and leaned over Hyungwon's slim figure, positioning himself between his legs and kissing his lips hungrily. Masturbation had been obviously useless when it came to Hyungwon.

“I missed you too, you damn workaholic,” the younger man whispered against his lips and attempted to pull him closer, tugging at his shirt and his jeans. His motions seemed so urgent and desperate, eyes fluttering shut repeatedly and long legs narrowing around Hoseok’s muscular body. “Fucking kiss me like you mean it.”

He was gorgeous. Hyungwon was. It seemed as if he didn't care to let go in front of Hoseok, showing every twitch on his face, his bodily response, his eagerness and longing, it was there in front of him, presented like on a plate in the bright lights he had pointed towards the couch.

Sucking in a breath, he went for Hyungwon's full lips, sucking on them and licking into his mouth as an accurate representation of how much he wanted it, how much he had thought about it and how much he missed it.

“Why do you come here, looking gorgeous like this with your stupid wet shirt and your ridiculously beautiful face? Damn it,” he murmured and pressed Hyungwon further into the leather with his weight.

“Because you fucking invited me,” the blonde boy hissed and stretched out his tongue to lap at Hoseok’s bottom lip, letting the barbell move along the soft surface as he kept his big eyes focused on him. Hyungwon's long fingers applied pressure as they slid down Hoseok’s thighs, only to move right back up, repeating the motion endlessly.

“I did, I must be the stupid one, but I wanted to see you, it's a struggle.” He moved his fingers over Hyungwon's naked arms, carefully stroking over his chest and applying a little pressure as soon as he could feel the other man leaning towards his touch. Hoseok enjoyed it so much, the way they ended up being so intimate with each other while forgetting about their fights, how they still managed to hurt each other and how they actually were a fish and a bird trying to find a middle that wasn't there.

_You're definitely the fish._

“Just fucking see me when you want to see me. I didn't want to keep you from work, after all it was always you who decided whether we meet or not. Fuck, Hoseok.” Hyungwon gasped again and broke the kiss, baring his neck in response to the touches that Hoseok gifted his chest with. “I'm really your fucking delivery boy, aren't I?”

_What?_

He leaned back immediately, staring at the bliss on Hyungwon's face that didn't fit with the spoken words at all.

“You're what? You think that you're my delivery boy? You also can visit without calling, it's not true! I wouldn't have ruined my company profit margin for a delivery boy.” He stood up and grabbed his glass, filling it with more wine and downing it right after. Hyungwon had no idea what kind of talk he would have with his father after showing him the papers.

The other man's eyes widened comically, lips puffy from kissing and legs remaining spread.

“You ruined your profit margin for me? What- but shit- I can't fix that Hoseok, no matter how much I work.” Hyungwon looked panicked, heartbeat visible in his slim, shirtless chest. “You just- I did visit, but you never really liked my surprise-visits, did you? Hiding me in wardrobes and in bedrooms. I also thought you still wanted to take pictures of me, but you didn't.”

_Because you wanted to take them in his new studio._

“You don't need to fix anything, you idiot, I did it on purpose, doesn't make it less scary though. The pictures, I wanted to take them, just not here. And everything you say are just excuses. Just tell me what you actually want. Pictures?” He groaned and threw his head back in frustration, trying not to look in Hyungwon's direction, it was too tempting.

“You, you idiot. I thought we talked about this.” Hyungwon looked hurt for a brief moment, lips pulling together and trembling until the younger man just covered his facial expression with his big palm, sucking in a deep breath.

He didn't know what to say, overwhelmed by the vulnerable gesture. Stepping closer, Hoseok touched the other man's forearm, brushing over it, before circling his fingers around his slim wrist and removing the big palm that covered Hyungwon's face almost completely.

“No, you're an idiot because I told you that I want you, but you're just lying here and telling me that you're my delivery boy after I spent 110 hours this week working on your studio that you wanted so much. You're either really stupid, or you just want me to think that you're my delivery boy. Just like you wanted me to keep my boyfriend.” He bit down on his bottom lip and glanced to the side, wishing for darkness like always when he felt uncomfortable.

“I told you that I want you too, I even told you that I really like you, confirming it the morning after. If you are doing so much for me- and fuck I still can't believe you are-" Hyungwon's voice broke and Hoseok could hear the younger man shift on the couch, “then why are you doing it behind my back? I don't know what you are doing, Hoseok, I'm no fucking Oracle. I just sit in my dorm room and carve your body into plaster while thinking you are done with me except when you suddenly call me over.”

“You- you are sculpting my body? But why?” he asked, shocked, before realizing the other words Hyungwon had spoken.

_It's no use, you can't explain it to him anyway._

Thinking about how many glasses of wine he’d had and calculating his blood alcohol levels he came to the conclusion that it was still okay as the other glass had been an hour ago.

“Get dressed, we're going for a ride,” he murmured and got the car keys along with the keys to Hyungwon's studio and slipped into his sneakers.

It took a while until the blonde boy finally moved, grabbing his wet t-shirt and pulling it over his head. He didn't say a word until he was standing in the hallway, one arm propped up against the wall and the fingers of the other raking through his hair.

“You were right,” he murmured, slipping into his sneakers without looking.

“What was I right about? You not doing things I asked you to do? You'll freeze, why would you put on the wet shirt if I gave you a new one? Or do you hate my smell? It's freshly washed!” He couldn't believe Hyungwon was stubborn like this.

“Because if I ruin it, I can't afford to replace it,” the blonde boy replied and pulled his lips into his mouth, reaching for his leather jacket.

“I really want to slap you,” Hoseok murmured and went back to his bedroom, roaming in his wardrobe until he found a shirt without a tag and marched back to the hallway. “Here, if you think that I'd let you pay for something I offered you in the first place, you must really think the best of me, wow.” Hoseok felt really hurt.

“It's not about you offering or wanting me to replace it,” Hyungwon commented and pulled his wet t-shirt over his head in a smooth gesture. “It's about me not wanting to seem like a charity case, just greedily accepting everything you give me.”

The younger man took the provided t-shirt and pulled it over his head, drowning in its size.

“I like that it smells like you.”

“Thank you,” he muttered and hoped that Hyungwon would still greedily accept his studio, even though Hoseok spent shit loads of money on it.

“But the studio. You have to accept it.”

Hyungwon nodded slowly and pulled his leather jacket over his shoulders. He was strangely quiet.

The drive was filled with silence, as if Hyungwon thought about something he didn't want to share. Arriving at the building, he left the car and ran up the stairs and opened the door, pulling the remote out of its socket on the wall and turned everything white with the powerful LEDs he had bought and installed. It looked amazing, turning around, he waited for Hyungwon to come up the stairs.

The blonde boy followed quickly, his light steps resounding on the stairs. The closer he got to the entrance door, the wider his eyes became, shock and wonder mixing into a potent emotion. Hyungwon walked past him at a hesitant pace, lips parting into a beautiful shape, emphasizing how plump they were.

The younger man glanced around, taking in all the details and furniture, stopping to glance up at each LED separately before his eyes finally stilled at Hoseok’s form next to the console.

“Oh my god, oh my fucking god,” he whispered, shock making way for raw emotions on his face as he just ran over to Hoseok and closed his arms around his neck, embracing him tightly. “Oh my god, Hoseok, fuck- thank you so much, thank you so fucking much. I don't even know what to say, it's perfect, beautiful, gorgeous. You must have put so much money and effort into this, fuck, thank you. I'll never be able to give that much back, oh god.”

He felt happy, really happy. Curling both arms around Hyungwon's waist, he lifted him a little and twirled him around once.

“Gosh, I thought I was dying after you told me you didn't want to accept things from me, I spent so many hours, money and thoughts on this, I even got a marble block for you and new tools,” he whispered and couldn't refrain from kissing Hyungwon's pretty lips once, which were wet but warm. The younger man was crying, lower lip trembling uncontrollably as he held onto Hoseok’s shoulders for dear life, glancing away and sniffing repeatedly, unable to stop himself.

“How could I say no to this- fuck,” Hyungwon sniffed again, biting down on his lower lip to make himself stop, “it's everything I ever wanted, Hoseok, put together in a package with a friggin’ ribbon on top. Shit, I'm so fucking happy I can't stop crying like a little bitch.”

He smiled like the sun while wiping the other man's tears that didn't stop flowing down his golden cheeks.

“It's fine, I'm just so happy that you like it, and there-" he gestured towards the beige carpet and adjusted the lights with the remote, “You can take pictures there, that's why I didn't call you, because I wanted to take pictures here and the lights are specially picked for aesthetic purposes, I did it together with Tae.”

Hyungwon nodded and sniffed helplessly, reaching out and stroking over Hoseok’s head repeatedly like he didn't know how else to express himself, tears still collecting in his big eyes and running down the pink cheeks. It made him look so much younger as he blinked repeatedly.

“I can't fucking see,” he chuckled suddenly, licking the tears off his lips, “there's just saltwater, fuck. I want to see it, I want to take pictures, I just want to give you everything, shit.”

Hoseok chuckled and kissed him once again, longer this time, tasting his tears and smiling into the kiss.

“I'm really not good with words, I hope you can just take this instead.”

“Thank you, Hoseok, fuck, just take everything you want, I'm so happy.” The blonde boy in his arms swallowed soundly and removed his arm from Hoseok’s shoulders to rub over his face, removing the signs of tears. “I want to show it to my mom, she won't believe it. And the block of marble is rose, I've never had a rose one, I don't even know what to do with it yet.”

“Do whatever you like. I hope that you can do whatever you like. And I hope you can believe me if I tell you that I like you.” He didn't want to let go of Hyungwon's waist, pressing the other man closer against his chest instead.

“I believe you, fuck- how could I not? I like you too, Hoseok, so fucking much that I keep sculpting you. I would love to have you take my pictures, just the way you like it. You're so good at it.”

_He believes you, he likes you and he wants you to take pictures._

“Thank you.” Hoseok buried his face in the crook of his neck and enjoyed the lack of misunderstandings, melting in the positivity that surrounded them instead.

_Why can't it always be like this?_

***

 

Hoseok had been right. The older man had been right all along.

It was evident back then, when Hyungwon had been upset at Hoseok rejecting his sculpture, believing that it was a proof of betrayal, of the fact that Hyungwon had sold his pictures even though he had been the one to treasure them like they were a part of him. Already back then Hoseok had said it, told him that it didn’t matter whether he had a boyfriend or not. The older man had told him to stop acting like it would have been any different if he wasn’t taken.

He had been right.

It wasn’t any different. It was just the two of them showing each other that they were a pot and a lid that were so crooked that it didn’t matter how much they turned them, they still didn’t fit.

_You thought it before, you were convinced that the two of you just hurt each other. Why are you still here?_

Hyungwon didn’t know, neither when he pulled the gigantic white t-shirt over his chest that smelled so much like Hoseok, sweet and pleasant, nor when he jumped into the older man’s fancy car, shifting around on the soft leather seats and feeling out of place.

The two of them were incompatible beyond belief, like Cinderella and the prince if the story had been realistic. They wouldn’t have had anything to talk about and she would have constantly attempted to grab the broom and show the palace people how it was done properly, slapping the prince for wasting money and not helping the ones that were less fortunate. The prince fell for her because she was pretty, but there was nothing else. The fairytale just showed the nice part, the meeting and the crushing and the wish to be together.

Movies always skipped all the difficult parts.

Crushing wasn’t really enough, was it? Just like knowing that Hoseok missed him wasn’t really enough. The two of them were still sitting in the car, not talking to each other and staring at the street in front of them like two strangers, unsure what to say or do after their argument.

_You don’t want to accept everything he gives you because it would just be the same, you would feel like a charity case and Hoseok would just let himself be used like before, not receiving what he deserves._

Even now, Hyungwon felt greedy, greedy because he had accepted the t-shirt and didn’t want to let it go, inhaling the sweet scent of the other man like it was his last salvation.

Once they turned into a familiar street and Hoseok parked in front of the building with his studio, Hyungwon finally understood where they were going, that the black-haired man wished to show him the finished product. His heart was beating furiously, excitement pilling up and squeezing the air out of his lungs, like he needed to have space for all the emotions he was about to be bombarded with. He didn’t even know what to expect but he knew it would be perfect.

_Because Hoseok made it._

The older man didn’t even wait for him to follow, opened the door quickly and ran up the stairs, leaving Hyungwon in front of the car. It felt strange, like there was some secret involved, more than Hyungwon had seen on drafts and simulations that Hoseok had sent him over the past months.

_He said he wanted to do the interior design for you._

His steps were a little shaky as he made his way up the one flight of stairs, breathing heavily and unable to hide his excitement, eyes widening the closer he got to the brightly illuminated door.

He couldn’t believe his eyes once he finally reached the top and hesitantly entered the studio, bright lights filling out the whole room. It looked like one of those magazines, perfect, minimalistic, full of gorgeous details. Hoseok bought all the furniture, big cupboards filled with sculpting tools and sketch paper, boxes with pencils and drawing materials. A huge adjustable desk with a chair, that artists used to work in complicated positions, perfectly smooth walls and gorgeous lighting. The lighting was the best.

It was beyond overwhelming. The hammering of his heart in his ears drowned all other sounds as he looked around, taking in every detail, every small lamp that was attached to the sides and the ceiling, the various created spaces. Everything was just so much more than he had imagined. It felt like he was dreaming and about to wake up, just to return to what he knew and saw every day, the dirty student dorm floor and his hands covered in small white streaks.

_He did it for you, all of it._

He couldn’t contain the happiness, not at all, he just turned around, staring at Hoseok who looked so incredibly happy at his response. Crossing the distance in a few milliseconds, Hyungwon just threw himself into the other man’s arms, embracing him tightly and fighting the tears that developed in his eyes, running down his cheeks uncontrollable even though he was happy. He was fucking happy, there was no reason to cry, none at all. He should have been laughing, dancing, kissing the gorgeous man who gave him all of that, but instead he was standing in his arms and crying like a baby, thanking him over and over and unable to believe that it was really happening.

All his worries from before seemed to be gone, just leaving the warmth in his chest and the burning in his eyes, plastering a bright smile on his face that must have taken up all the space on his small face. He couldn’t even care less, brushing over Hoseok’s hair repeatedly and saying every thought that popped up in his head, gratitude, the fact that he could never repay it, the wish to just give Hoseok everything he desired in return. Fuck.

The black-haired man looked so happy, showing him the area for photography, telling him that he wanted to wait and take pictures in his studio, to show him how aesthetic it was. It was beyond stunning, Hyungwon instantly wanted to try to out, to see how well lines were traceable in the bright light.

“Fuck, I still don’t know what to say,” he murmured and wiped over his face again, wondering when the hell he would stop crying in front of the other man. “I swear- I’m crying because I’m happy, really happy. I want you to take my picture, show me how everything works.”

“You- you want to take them now?” Hoseok asked surprised, but still didn't make any attempts to let him go.

“If that’s fine with you,” Hyungwon murmured and remembered that it was way past midnight. He didn’t even know why he wasn’t sleeping yet, arguing and then crying like an idiot. “It’s late, but I would love to see. We don’t have a camera though.”

“Well, actually you do, but I thought you'd find out by yourself,” Hoseok murmured and let him go, moving in the direction of the beige carpet and opening the white cupboard where he pulled out a big black camera. “Do you want to pose or-?”

_He bought you a camera, Hyungwon, a fucking camera._

Hyungwon's eyes just remained huge as he stood in the middle of the fancy studio that was supposed to be his and couldn't believe that Hoseok had just pulled a camera out of the cupboard.

_This can't be for free, that's just crazy._

“So, you want to take pictures of me?” Hoseok chewed on his lip and blushed a tiny bit, perfectly visible in the bright light.

_You still need a concept for the bluish marble he gifted you. It's for him._

“I'd love to,” he replied quietly and closed the distance, grabbing the camera with his big hands and remembering how expressive Hoseok’s body was.

_It's perfect, just like the studio._

“Okay, let me adjust the lights.” The other man took a different remote that looked more complicated and changed the colors, managing to create a marble like surface on his arm he had stretched out to watch the outcome. His skin was basically glowing.

“That should be nice, I'll undress then,” Hoseok whispered shyly and pulled his dark blue shirt over his head, before unbuttoning his jeans while staring at a spot on the beige carpet.

The older man was almost timid about showing his body despite its stunning features. Hyungwon barely resisted the urge to cross the distance and help Hoseok out of his tight jeans.

“It's beautiful,” he commented and chewed on his lip, watching the way Hoseok’s muscular stomach contracted as he bent to pull the pants down.

It seemed as if Hoseok had something in mind, concentrating on the way he got rid of his clothes until he remained naked and looked down on himself. A few seconds passed before the gorgeous man sat down on the ground carefully, pulling his legs against his chest and curling one arm around them. His gaze was focused on the ground before he started lifting his head and his eyes finally met Hyungwon's for a brief moment. There was something different about them, something he’d never seen before. But they were concealed by Hoseok's palm before he could determine what it was. The only remaining hint was the small smile that lingered on his lips.

It was dazzling and so expressive, the way the black-haired man covered his eyes, but left the small impression of a smile on his curved lips. The way his muscular arm held his legs made Hyungwon wish to trace each line, each curve of the muscle. His fingers were shaking a little as he lifted the camera and began taking pictures, holding his breath. As before, he made sure to catch each detail, each line on the older man’s body, each mole and each peculiarity that he wanted to include in his sculpture. He wanted it to be perfect, just like the studio that Hoseok had prepared for him.

Kneeling on the ground, he made sure to capture Hoseok’s smile and the way his pinky finger rested right below his nose, just showing a little bit of its form while his eyes were covered completely. It was emotional, but so different from the last time the older man had posed for him.

“You’re perfect,” Hyungwon whispered as he took the last picture, a full shot of Hoseok’s naked body, covered by marble-like light.

_You won’t be able to forget this._

“Let's see whether you got what I wanted to express,” Hoseok whispered and removed his palm slowly. “Although I'm probably really bad at this.”

“You're not,” Hyungwon murmured and swallowed again, unable to shake off the feeling of having received something precious. Hoseok never showed himself bare, but somehow he did for Hyungwon, revealing a little bit of his beautiful self. The studio was amazing, there was nothing Hyungwon could have complained about. “Thank you- fuck. Do you want to see? I just have no idea how to show you, I've never touched a cam like this.”

“It's sufficient if you can see my expression. There's an instruction manual on the shelf,” the other man replied and stood up, quickly slipping into his underwear and jeans.

Hyungwon wanted him to stay naked, gorgeous muscles on display in addition to his beautifully curved dick, even if it wasn't hard. He wanted to be able to run his fingers over Hoseok’s thighs and-

_Well, fuck._

His eyes widened at his own thoughts and his shitty timing and he coughed to bridge the rather long time he hadn't responded.

“Yeah, right,” he muttered and hoped it fit whatever the older man had said before. He carefully placed the cam back where Hoseok had taken it from and forced himself to think of something distracting, work, sushi, women in jeans.

“I'm sorry for falling all over you before, you must've thought that it's the only reason I called you over. I'm sorry again, I actually wanted you to see the studio by yourself, but well, here we are.” Hoseok bent down and grabbed his blue shirt turning it to the right side.

Hyungwon wanted to face palm at the older man apologizing for jumping him while he was standing around awkwardly and trying hard not to think about sinking to the ground and sucking Hoseok’s gorgeous dick. Fuck.

“Why would you apologize for that?” he asked carefully while mentally counting the number of sculptures in his small nsfw collection. It was meant to distract him but the fact that he had Hoseok spread-legged, touching himself as one of them was counterproductive.

_He shouldn't have stopped, shit._

“Because you said that you're my delivery boy. You're not my delivery boy. You're not even mine.” Hoseok whispered the last words glancing to the side and pulling his shirt over his head in a smooth motion, head landing in the hole for the arm, so that the other man had to do it all over again.

Hyungwon couldn't help but chuckle at the sight even though it didn't fit his state at all. It was a mess, he had no idea what was okay and what wasn't. The two of them had been close before but there were no real consequences, nothing he could pinpoint that told him how to act.

_He even apologizes for touching you, so is it not okay?_

“I said that because I always come like a dog when you tell me to,” he murmured and walked over, adjusting the t-shirt on Hoseok’s chest.

“You should try asking me to come too, maybe I'll be a good boy, you don't know.” Hoseok smiled suddenly, before turning to the side and acting as if he was examining the interior in the studio.

The older man was gorgeous when he smiled, rivaling the sunshine itself and it was a loss when he turned away.

_He doesn't smile all that often, does he? You'll have to change that._

Hyungwon couldn't believe that Hoseok was able to say something like that with a pretty smile and not blush all over. Was it not intended as a sexual innuendo? Was it just his head?

_Don't be the teenager he thinks you are._

“You want to be a good boy?” he heard himself ask and bit his lip right after, playing with the piercing in his tongue to keep his cool.

“Maybe I don't want to, but I can't help it,” Hoseok muttered and looked to the ceiling, Hyungwon was taller so he could see a grin on the other man's face. It was a first.

_So, he doesn't mind not being able to help it?_

Hesitation wasn't really something Hyungwon had to deal with usually, it wasn't his thing- but consent was. Stepping closer, he reached out and let his fingers dance over Hoseok’s sides, thereby returning the older man's attention to his face.

“Would you…” Hyungwon began and trailed off a little, licking over his lips repeatedly to keep the moisture, “let me suck you off?”

Hoseok stared at him, eyes big like plates.

“You- why- why would you want that?” he asked, licking over his lips before a hiss left his pretty mouth at Hyungwon's ministrations.

“Because you're gorgeous and I want to make you feel good,” Hyungwon replied, using as little curse words as he was able to. His heartbeat was running a marathon all on its own as if he was about to lose his virginity. It must have been the excitement at the image of what was about to come. If the older man let him that is.

His long fingers followed the fabric of Hoseok’s t-shirt until they reached his hip bone, rubbing circles over it with his thumb.

“But what about you, I- want to make you feel good too.” Hoseok cracked and leaned in, sucking on the skin of his neck and tracing his jugular with his hot, wet tongue.

_Oh god._

“I’m good, you can just finish it up afterwards for me, but now I kinda want your dick in my mouth.” Hyungwon gasped at the lips on his skin and tightened his grip on Hoseok’s hip bone, resisting the urge to just undress the older man immediately. Hoseok was gorgeous and muscular and it always felt like he could just give up on holding himself up and the older man would have easily taken care of it. “Shit, I want your arms around my waist.”

_You’re getting greedy._

Hoseok immediately complied, embracing him and turning them. Walking a few steps, he felt his back clash against the wall with the other man’s weight pressing him against it. He could feel the warmth of Hoseok’s muscular chest, while his strong hands stroked along his sides.

“Why is it so hard to not want you?” the other man’s low voice groaned somewhere next to his ear, while Hoseok sucked on his earlobe.

_He was holding back, it’s not just you._

“I don’t fucking know, Hoseok, it’s not for lack of trying,” Hyungwon muttered and rolled his hips forward, loving the way the muscular body restricted his movements. It was like Hoseok took over, pinning his body to the wall and stimulating his skin. The friction was nowhere near enough, but it still felt good, pleasing enough to gasp out loud. “I want you to fuck my mouth.”

“Do you really like it? When I do it? Shit, I couldn’t think about anything else during the past few weeks, what are you even doing to me?” Hoseok groaned and rolled his hips as a reply, letting him feel how aroused he was.

“I love it, Hoseok, I kept thinking about your face and the sounds you make- fuck. Just be nice to me and give me what I want, ‘lright?” he gasped again and let his eyes flutter shut at the increased friction. Hoseok felt amazing, even through the fabric of his jeans. Hyungwon wanted to just reach out and rip them off, but it was difficult with how the older man pressed him to the wall. It was hot, really hot and he barely kept himself aware of where they were and what they were doing.

_Fuck, you sound so eager, Hyungwon._

“Fine, take it.” He could finally breathe as Hoseok stepped back and stared at him, lips parted, and fast exhales audible. The dark-blue shirt left the gorgeous body and flew to the ground as the light changed to a beautiful mixture of blue and white.

_He changed the light for this, oh god._

Hyungwon licked over his lips again, barbell catching at the corner of his mouth because he was way too fucking eager and had no strength to pretend that he wasn’t. He reached out and grabbed Hoseok by the waistband, pulling him closer and attached his lips to the defined pecs, following along the other man’s abs and dipping his tongue into his navel as he sank to his knees. His palms rubbed over the older man’s thighs repeatedly as he leaned in and mouthed the visible bulge, straining against the material.

“Oh god, you- shit,” Hoseok hissed and threw his head back, reaching for his hair, but not grabbing it.

Hyungwon removed his right hand from the older man’s muscular thigh and reached for Hoseok’s warm fingers, leading them right back to his hair. He breathed hot air over the black-haired man’s groin and looked up,

“It’s fine, you don’t have to hold back,” he whispered with a smile and licked over the skin right above Hoseok’s waistband. Shit, he just wanted him to be naked already. Opening the button with skilled fingers and pulling the zipper down, he instantly closed his lips around the still-clothed erection, sucking a little bit.

“Oh, I do need to hold back, believe me.” Something about Hoseok’s voice was different, as if he was talking from experience Hyungwon had no clue about. “You look so gorgeous, your lips, oh god.” The other man’s fingers raked through his hair, pulling carefully while Hoseok let out beautiful sounds.

_You didn’t even start yet and he reacts like that, fuck._

Hyungwon swallowed audibly and dug his fingers under the older man’s briefs. Inhaling briefly, he pulled them down in a rough motion and waited approximately two seconds for Hoseok to step out of them, just like his shoes and socks. Then he just leaned in and licked a wet stripe from the base to the tip, tracing prominent veins with his pierced tongue. The faint scent of shower gel told him that the older man must have showered not too long ago, probably before his arrival.

“Oh fuck,” Hoseok moaned while tightening the grip on his hair. “I want you, I want you so so much, damn.”

“Fucking same,” Hyungwon hissed before giving up on language and closing his plump lips around the tip, sucking intently and running his hands over Hoseok’s thighs to feel his reaction in addition to hearing it. He really enjoyed making the older man feel good, he was so responsive and obvious with his pleasure, expressing it through his body and face.

After sucking all the way down and back up while running his pierced tongue over the slit, dipping the barbell inside a few times, Hyungwon leaned back and grazed over his own lips.

“Would you like to take over?” he asked and reached into his own hair, tightening Hoseok’s grip.

“Holy shit,” Hoseok cursed and watched him for a couple of seconds, dark gaze moving over his facial features before he curled his fingers around his thick length and pulled him back a little, stroking over his lips with the hot tip. “You’re so gorgeous, makes me want to give you everything you want, damn it.”

It was fucking hot and Hyungwon barely contained a moan, whimpering instead and breathing through his nose. He used his tongue to gloss over Hoseok’s slit again and looked up, taking in the almost black eyes and the way the older man’s dark hair framed his face. He looked so different, a little dangerous even, intense and intimate in the way he didn’t break eye contact for even a second. Hyungwon wanted him to look at him like that all the time, unable to take his eyes off and breathing heavily, chest rising and falling with each sharp inhale.

“Fuck- please give me everything I want,” he breathed out, brushing over the head of Hoseok’s erection with his lips while he spoke.

“Do you want me to move?” Hoseok asked, voice dark and breathy, as if it had been straining to talk.

“Please.” Hyungwon was barely able to register what he was doing when he had already nodded eagerly, lips parted and eyes fluttering shut a few times to prepare for what was about to come.

His lips spread, and he felt Hoseok moving into his mouth slowly, testing out how far he could go, before tightening the grip on his hair and moving a little faster. Hoseok was sure vocal, moaning and hissing at the feeling, thighs flexing in front of his face and gorgeous, hairless skin shimmering in the bluish light. The other man’s black eyes only added up to the impression that made it all seem unreal.

Hyungwon relaxed his throat while keeping his eyes opened, watching the way Hoseok reacted, groaning whenever he hummed a little or licked over his erection with his pierced tongue. He wanted to see the older man lose himself, know what it looked like when he wasn’t able to contain his wishes and desires, when he didn’t double check anymore. Fuck.

His lower body was burning at the sight, reminding him with constant sparks that his dick also wanted some attention. Inhaling through his nose, he removed his hands from Hoseok’s thighs and opened his own jeans, slipping his right hand into them smoothly, curling around his hard dick. The action forced a moan from his throat, adding up the pleasure the black-haired man must have been feeling while sliding in and out of his throat.

Hoseok moaned beautifully, before suddenly glancing down at him.

“I want to be the one to make you come,” the black-haired man hissed and curled his fingers tighter around his hair, pulling it lightly and moving a little quicker, eagerness visible with how the sounds got hotter and less contained.

Hyungwon wasn’t able to suppress the moan that left him at the light pull, showing him that the older man wanted it just as much as he did. He couldn’t even say what exactly he loved so much about the situation. He just liked- whatever it was that Hoseok was doing.

Exhaling sharply through his nose he hummed in agreement and slowed the motions of his hand, only rubbing his thumb over the tip to rile himself up. He didn’t even know why he followed through, there was simply something about the way the older man said it, something fierce that told him to just do it. He returned his free hand to Hoseok’s thighs, following the lines of the muscles and applying a little bit of pressure, just enough to be perceivable in addition to the pleasure that must have centered in the other man’s groin.

“Damn, I’m close,” Hoseok groaned and stared down at him, harsh breaths leaving the other man’s lips without a break. “Fuck, Hyungwon,” another groan and Hoseok buried himself between his lips and orgasmed, thick erection twitching repeatedly and making it hard to breathe. As if the other man had known it, he immediately pulled back a little, panting loudly and stroking over his hair. “Oh god, you’re amazing.”

Hyungwon hummed in agreement, feeling his thighs shiver at the continuously building up of pleasure without a final release. His exhales were ragged and not only because he held his breath a lot to allow Hoseok to fuck his throat. Swallowing thoroughly and sucking his way up, he finally let the older man’s erection slip out of his mouth. Licking over his plump lips right after, he looked up and rubbed over the tip of his own erection, moaning even though he hadn’t meant to do it so openly.

“I also feel pretty good from the inside,” he whispered and sucked his lip piercing into his mouth, feeling how the plump surface pulsated from the repeated friction.

“Fuck.”

It had been a whisper, but Hyungwon could hear, before Hoseok’s naked body sank to the ground and pushed him down on the carpet.

“Would you let me touch you?” the black-haired man asked while pulling his jeans down his legs hungrily. It was so unlike Hoseok, so different from how they had been close before.

Hyungwon merely bit his cheek and nodded furiously, letting his back hit the carpet and removing his hand from his briefs, leaving it loosely above his head instead. Holy shit, his senses were burning up even though there wasn’t much happening. There was something to the way Hoseok’s bodily motions changed, hesitation making way for confidence and Hyungwon couldn’t help but succumb to it.

“Fuck, touch me p-” He stopped himself from begging just in time, face burning up and blush travelling further along his neck.

_Since when are you so fucking gone, Hyungwon?_

“Mhm, I will,” Hoseok hummed and licked over his stomach after undressing him completely. There was something to the sight of the older man, propping himself up on both arms, muscles bulging at the strain and feeling the hot, wet tongue slide along his body. The black hair appeared in front of his eyes as Hoseok sucked his nipple into his curved mouth, nibbling on it and sinking his hips lower, circling against his groin and creating friction.

_Shit._

Hyungwon moaned loudly and threw his head back. His hands instantly curled into the soft fabric of the carpet as he sucked a big gulp of air into his lungs and kept it there, holding his breath. His lower body was burning up at the friction and he couldn’t help but wish for the older man to continue, to give him more and drive him absolutely fucking mad. He wanted Hoseok to just grab his hips and drag him lower, play with his nipples and touch him with those warm hands of his, followed by the skillful tongue. Shit.

“Give it to me, Hoseok, fuck, drive me mad, fuck me up,” he muttered, chest burning from lack of oxygen until he gave up and groaned, just to hold his breath again.

There were soft bites along his neck before the other man concentrated on his nipples again, driving him mad with the combination of his broad hips moving over him while his lips sucked on his chest harshly, just to sooth the spots with his hot tongue.

“Fuck, you make me go crazy,” Hoseok moaned and moved down, trailing his stomach with the tip of his tongue. Curling his hands around both of his thighs, Hoseok pulled them up and placed them on top of his muscular shoulders, littering the skin of his inner thighs with kisses.

The urge to beg was right at the tip of his tongue, blurring his vision and setting his whole body ablaze. It was so fucking hot, not only the action but also the temperature. Hyungwon could feel sweat drops developing on his forehead as he gasped for air repeatedly, sucking it into his lungs and holding it there until he wasn’t able to anymore. Fuck, Hoseok was driving him mad with the sensual touches and small sparks of friction he gifted him. It was like the older man was teasing him without really making it obvious, constantly giving but not enough to be satisfied, fuck.

“Hoseok- I- can’t you just- fuck-” he muttered helplessly, running his blunt nails over the carpet repeatedly because there was nothing else to hold on. His lower lip remained caught in his mouth as he whimpered at the way Hoseok’s lips felt on his inner thigh, sucking on the tattooed skin.

Finally the other man’s lips closed around his tip, sucking on it and sliding down, just enough to evoke a moan. Hoseok was staring at him from under his black bangs. It looked so fucking intense, as if the look alone was enough to drive him crazy. God had mercy and Hoseok finally started pleasing him, intensifying the sensations by using his tongue and tightening the grip on his thighs.

“Fuck- you’re- you’re so fucking intense,” Hyungwon forced out of his throat and was barely able to keep his resolution of not making too much noise. He bit his cheek painfully and tried to keep his composure, thighs visibly shaking on top of the older man’s shoulders. Whatever Hoseok was doing, he was fucking good at it and it was difficult to delay his orgasm, crawling closer with each brief lick against his tip. It was almost embarrassing, but Hyungwon couldn’t help it. Days had passed since the last time he jerked off, shit. “I won’t hold out for long, fuck.”

“You don’t need to, just let go,” Hoseok’s low voice commented, before the other man took his length almost completely, humming over it. Suddenly strong hands grabbed his butt and lifted it against Hoseok’s mouth, enabling the other man to take him deeper. It was crazy how Hoseok could lift him however he liked as if it was nothing.

Hyungwon gave up, moans echoing through the studio and getting only louder with the acoustics of the walls. Throwing his head from side to side, he couldn’t help the way his hips stuttered and attempted to thrust into the older man’s mouth, adding up on the sensations as the pleasure crawled up his thighs and centered in the middle until it finally burst, seeing white sparks as he almost passed out, heartbeat drowning out everything else.

_Holy shit._

Breathing heavily, he forced his eyes open and glanced down, attempting to return to his senses and become aware of where the fuck he was and what the hell he was doing. Shit.

Hoseok was sucking on his length as if he had been doing it every day, for fun, dark eyes watching him intently before he let him slip out of his mouth and placed two kisses on each thigh.

“You’re gorgeous.”

Hyungwon didn’t even know what to say. He just stared like an idiot and tried to comprehend how Hoseok between his legs, sucking on his length and kissing his thighs was the same Hoseok that blushed and got all outraged by him talking about dick. What the hell?

“So are you,” he replied, almost automatically as it was the truth and didn’t contain any information he should have kept to himself for now. Like his desperate crush that he kept expressing through sexual innuendos and asking the older man to let him suck his dick. Oh god.

_You’re really like a teenager, your flirt game is shit._

“I guess we kind of inaugurated the studio,” he murmured eventually and rolled his lip piercing with his tongue, unsure how long he was allowed to remain lying on the carpet with his legs on top of Hoseok’s shoulders.

Hoseok hummed again, not paying much attention to what he had been saying, kissing and nibbling on his thighs until he probably thought that it was enough and crawled up, kissing both of his nipples on his way.

“Maybe I should just ditch my inhibitions all together,” the other man’s low voice muttered while Hoseok licked over his red, swollen lips.

_Oh for fuck’s sake._

Hyungwon let his head fall right back to the carpet and gasped, covering his face with his right palm and exhaling sharply.

“Maybe you should,” he muttered even though he had no fucking idea what that even meant, he just kind of knew that he wanted to see it and to know firsthand. In addition, he was pretty sure he was going to like it whatever it was.

It was still a mess, a mess he wasn’t able to comprehend and put onto a familiar shelf. Hyungwon still didn’t know what they were, be it acquaintances, friends or boyfriends. None of the three familiar terms applied, they weren’t any of them.

Acquaintances didn’t meet that often, friends didn’t get sexual and boyfriends saw each other more often than once every two weeks and loved each other. Hyungwon just didn’t know what to call them and how to deal with the tension that remained. It wasn’t even that they purposefully saw each other to be sexual, it was more than that.

Infatuation was like a drug, it gave you the best high, yet at the same time the worst headache after.

_You have a crush, but that fades, doesn’t it?_

Hyungwon really hoped it did.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 15th of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Aaah, I'm not an expert and I don't know for sure, but something tells me that he wants you too, Hoseok. Just test it out if you're so scared of rejection.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

Hoseok wasn't always a person who solved his problems with logic, but this one definitely had to be solved logically.

He wanted Hyungwon.

_Tae said that he doesn't want to date because he has to work for his studio and wants to become more known as a sculptor._

Hoseok finished his studio, so that one part was done. Placing the gorgeous sculpture in the meeting room of his office had also been a very logical decision.

“This piece is very interesting. Who is the artist?” The forty-year old attorney asked while browsing through their portfolio.

_Bingo._

“It's a work by a very talented, aspiring modern artist located here in Prague, you can find his sculptures in the most prestigious offices and private collections, I have the honor to know him personally, which is why I got one for my office, they're very rare and rather pricey. The motifs are similar, the human body expressing what words can't.” Hoseok smiled and took notes of what the middle aged man told him while looking through the concepts.

“I think something similar in a smaller size would fit very well with my new office. Is there a possibility of getting in contact with the artist?” Hoseok loved it when people were predictable.

_Not like Hyungwon, he's unpredictable._

“Unfortunately, not, but I could make an exception and get you one of his smaller sculptures if you decide to let us do your interior design project, it fits quite well with our personal style. He has gorgeous gypsum works, as well as marble, but the latter are very pricey and almost impossible to purchase because of their popularity.” Hoseok was an incredible actor, if he knew what he had to do. He was really good at selling people things.

_You also sell your dad a truth that isn't there._

Taehyung watched him intently, raising an eyebrow at every mention of Hyungwon's sculptures.

“I am ready to pay up to ten thousand euro if it’s a marble piece. Please tell me if you're able to get it, otherwise I'd also take a gypsum piece. And I really like the third concept from the portfolio, please prepare a project plan and we can talk about it next week,” the grey-haired man replied and smiled, leaving a signature under the prepared documents.

_You got a project and sold a sculpture. You have to tell Hyungwon._

“You snake,” Taehyung hissed as soon as the attorney left their office. “How could you sell him a sculpture for shits of euros and get a project for forty five thousand. You're crazy, holy fuck.

“Because people want things other people have. Especially if they're rare. And Hyungwon said he will date if he has something to offer,” Hoseok murmured, taking a sip of his green tea latte.

“What? You're doing this to date Hyungwon? Why don't you just ask him, Hoseok? Why are you making a drama out of this? He probably wants to be with you too, just ask!” Taehyung had no idea about dating and how it worked. Shaking his head, Hoseok started gesturing wildly.

“You don't understand, he wants one night stands, I can't do that, but he also tempts me really badly with his gorgeous face and his body and his lips, you don't even know, oh god. Either way, I want him, but he doesn't want to date, so I have to do the things he needs to be able to date, so that's what I'm doing right now, thank you.” He thought about how close they were in Hyungwon's new studio, how he just stopped thinking for an extended period of time, showing the other man way more of himself than he intended.

_But he seemed to like it. Maybe he likes you the way you are?_

It was too risky, what if the other man still thinks that he is a snobby asshole? A snobby, dominant asshole. The worst.

“Uhm, just ask him, Hoseok. Tell him ‘I think I'm in love with you, Hyungwon, I want to be in a relationship with you.’ and he will probably melt into a puddle because it's so unlike you and say yes.” Tae walked around the sculpture, trying to peek in between the long fingers.

_In love? Are you in love? Oh god, Hoseok, what if you're in love? Is that the reason for being like this?_

“Oh my god. What am I supposed to do now?” He panicked at the realization and earned a full blown laugh from his best friend, who closed the distance and sat on his lap even though there were ten chairs around.

“Aaah, I'm not an expert and I don't know for sure, but something tells me that he wants you too, Hoseok. Just test it out if you're so scared of rejection.”

Taehyung was right. Crazy and inappropriate, but kind of right.

_Just be the good boy Hyungwon wanted you to be for once._

_

 

He would've been a good boy if Hyungwon had told him to come, which he didn't.

_Maybe he doesn't want to see you, now that he has the studio._

Hoseok didn't want to make himself feel bad but still typed a message, hating himself right after.

‘I kind of hoped to do the ‘good boy’ thing, but you haven’t asked me to come yet.’

_Gosh, it's so embarrassing, why are you like this? Did you turn stupid?_

‘I was sure af you’re scared of my nbhd,’ was the quick reply as if Hyungwon did nothing but stare at the screen of his phone.

_His what?_

‘The only things I am scared of are you and your way of expressing yourself in written language. Are you in the studio? I could drop by there if you're fine with it?’ Sending the message off, he couldn't help but wonder where Hyungwon was and what he had been doing, how he would react if Hoseok told him that he basically sold a sculpture for him.

_You didn't see each other for almost a week again._

‘I’m @ home, but I can come to the studio.’

_Then he will be the one to come again._

‘It's fine. Just tell me where I have to go, and I'll come.’ Taking off his button down, he took a blue polo shirt from the shelf and pulled it over his pale body.

Instead of a proper reply he just received a location pin and a smiley that covered its face for some reason.

It was good that his navigation system saved the location pins from his phone. He found the building where he had brought Hyungwon the last time and parked his car next to a thing that looked as if it survived the second world war.

Hoseok rang the bell that someone had smashed with their fist and waited till someone opened the door. Walking up the stairs, he finally saw Hyungwon in the door crack. The younger man seemed to be pushing something with his foot behind the door while grinning at Hoseok.

“This is a little sudden, so- there is shitloads of stuff lying around, boxes and shit, so I hope you don’t mind,” he commented and brushed through his hair once before opening the door a little further.

Hyungwon was standing in a tiny hallway filled with a mass of boxes up to the ceiling. The whole area was about the size of his shower and led to three different rooms. Only one of the doors was open and led to the bathroom, approximately the same size as the hallway.

“I mean you could've told me not to come, am I disturbing you?” he asked, a little freaked out at Hyungwon's behavior.

“What? No, not at all!” the younger man appeared flustered and waved around his hands, probably to support his words. “I wanted to see you, so I just made sure there are no, ehm, open boxes or anything.” Giggling briefly, he turned around and stepped over a gigantic box before he pressed down the handle to the door on the left, opening up to a relatively spacious room. “Just come in, this is my room:”

Hoseok did the same, making sure he didn't fall over and entered the room. It was interesting to see, especially after being used to huge offices and working spaces in addition to his own apartment which was rather spacious.

“I'd say ‘so that's where you sleep’ but you don't sleep, so I'll skip that.” He grinned and sat down on the bed, looking around. There wasn’t a lot of furniture, a simple wardrobe that took up one corner, a shelf with paper and pens, partially covered with sketches, a desk that had a computer on top of it and the bed he was sitting on. The bed took up most of the space, fitting two people and covering half of the room.

“I do sleep, just not as much as I should maybe,” Hyungwon replied and leaned against his desk. “Imagine if I had to fit my sculpting stuff in here, impossible, that’s why I needed a studio. The dorm room was okay- but- yeah. You didn’t see it and I don’t think you wanna. It had one of those broken light bulbs and that’s all the light I had. Oh- reminds me, I still need to fix the one in the hallway. Someday.”

“One light bulb?” Hoseok was shocked but remembered why he was excited to see Hyungwon in the first place.

_You're in love._

No, not that, the sculpture.

“Ah, so, I might've sold one of your sculptures. Not mine, ones you didn't sell. The attorney liked the marble one, but I told him that they're exclusive and expensive and he said he'd pay up to 10 thousand. Euro. So, you can think about it, otherwise he'd also take gypsum.” Hoseok pulled out his phone and put a check under the related entry in his to do list.

“You what?” Hyungwon’s eyes widened and he almost fell over while pushing himself off the edge of the desk, missing the corner by a few centimeters and losing his balance. Luckily, he caught himself just in time, but it didn’t wipe away the expression of shock on his face. “But- my sculptures are never worth ten thousand euros. Are you fucking kidding me, Hoseok? Did you lie to him?”

“I see you know nothing about supply and demand. He saw the sculpture I put in my office and wanted your contact data and I said that you're not easy like that, so if he wants one he has to pay and maybe if you're nice, he'll get one. He said 10k himself, so think about it. I'd definitely do it, because it's publicity. You wanted to get known, it's a good possibility, but sure, it's up to you, I can't sculpt, I can just sell stuff. And light, I can sell stuff by putting it under nice light.” He brushed through his hair out of frustration. He had hoped that Hyungwon would be happy, but the other man seemed more shocked.

“But- what if he finds out it’s not exclusive or whatever? Won’t he be angry, and won’t he need the name of the artist? Then he could just find out how much it costs, or not? I just- I’m scared I’ll get sued or something.” The blonde boy looked genuinely worried, gesturing with his hands and playing with his lip piercing as he talked. “It’s so much money, oh my god.”

“You are the one who sets the price, Hyungwon. You could also say that one sculpture is 10k. You have the product and you set the price. Picasso's paintings were also worth way less back then. You won't get sued, your products can differ in price. Oh god, you have really no idea. Which is why I installed one of your sculptures in the meeting room. It's there for a day and someone already wanted to buy something similar. Don't you want to sell them? Or you don't want to date? What is it?” He took off his sneakers and pulled up his legs, crossing them.

“I know nothing about selling sculptures, I just can’t believe someone wanted to buy something I made for so much money. It’s just- wait.” Hyungwon had been elaborating with wide eyes, visibly amazed by the fact that Hoseok had just found someone who wanted to buy his works, until he almost snapped his neck with how quickly he turned towards him. “Date? What? Hoseok- are you trying to buy me or something?”

_What?_

“Are you crazy? Never mind, why am I even asking? I am not the one paying the 10k for your sculpture. You just said you can't be in a relationship because you have to work for your studio and you have to get known as a sculptor. You have your studio and people want to buy your sculptures, so it must be a different reason then. Whatever, Hyungwon, just forget what I said. Either way you should sell one of your sculptures to the attorney, he'll be all excited,” he murmured, disappointed that the other man must've had different reasons for not wanting to date. Ones he didn't know about.

_He probably just doesn't like you like this, Hoseok. It's easy._

“Oh my god, oh my fucking god,” Hyungwon whispered and crossed the distance, stopping right in front of him and cupping Hoseok’s face in his palms as he leaned in. “Am I hallucinating, or have you just implicitly told me that you want to make it possible for me to date?”

Staring up, Hoseok licked over his lips, a little overwhelmed by Hyungwon's response.

“You- you just told me that you only do one night stands. I can't do that. But you also told me that you want to have something to offer, which you do, you're making amazing sculptures, you just don't advertise them. I also finished your studio, so it must be that you think I'm a snobby asshole or I don't know what, it's okay, even if you don't want to be in a relationship with me, you should let me promote your sculptures. I'm good at it.” He glanced down at his jeans and followed the deliberately washed out pattern, determined not to stare into Hyungwon's face and show him everything. On a platter.

_He can still see it._

“Hoseok, you’re- a little bit of an idiot, aren’t you?” the blonde boy asked, still cupping his face. His voice didn’t sound insulting, but rather like a mixture of disbelieving and amused. “How often have we been close? Sexually I mean. Was it once? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t, so what makes you think that, when it comes to you, I would only want to have one night stands?”

“Because you said so. How would I know what you're thinking? You're unpredictable, holy mother of god, you're so frustrating,” he threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. The lighting was shit.

“Listen, you’re the unpredictable one! You kept talking about wanting me and liking me and then you broke up with your boyfriend and there was just nothing, not a word about that. You just let me suck your dick in the shower, got me off twice and then we didn’t talk for two weeks. What the hell was I supposed to think?” Hyungwon let go of his face and threw his hands in the air before placing them at his waist, lips pulled together in a pout.

“It's a nice point of view. What was I supposed to do? He told me nobody would love me apart from the money and my dick and I had to find something else before trying to just make you be with me like a greedy person, I finished your studio because it's something I'm good at and I tried to give your work publicity because I'm good at sales and here you are talking about my dick again, like, it can't be better than my personality, can it?” Hoseok stood up and bit his lip, feeling his insides twisting at the words he had just spoken. He really wanted to leave.

Hyungwon’s eyes widened and he instantly threw himself in front of the door, like he was scared Hoseok would just disappear through it, arms spread out wide.

“You got me wrong, fuck- that’s not what I meant at all,” he murmured and closed his eyes for a few seconds, before opening them again and meeting Hoseok’s, gaze focused. “My point was that I wanted everything, but you just gave me your dick. I- I thought you would ask me to date, I don’t know why I thought it, but when you didn’t I just- I thought you don’t want to, that the whole thing wasn’t about me. It’s what you said too, you said it’s not about me, so I tried to stop making it about me, but I can’t help it. I don’t think about anything but you and just- just sculpt your body all the time and jump your lap and want to see you and kiss you and embrace you.”

_He wants to be with you?_

“Are you telling me that you want to be in a relationship with me? It wasn't about you in terms of ‘I want to be free to have sex with someone else’, it was about you in the sense of ‘I have feelings for another person, so I had to end my previous relationship’. Why can't we talk? Why don't you know what I mean, fuck,” Hoseok cursed and turned around, looking out of the window, to compose his face.

“I don’t fucking know, Hoseok, I don’t know why we are like this.” Hoseok could feel arms curl around his waist as Hyungwon rested his head on his shoulder, inhaling sharply. “Yes, goddammit, fucking yes, I want to be in a relationship with you. Why is this so fucking hard?”

“Because I'm a fish,” he murmured, realizing what the hell he just said and turning around immediately. “I meant we're like a bird and a fish, trying to find a middle, but I still want you, I'm- I'm in love with you, Hyungwon, I don't know, it's complicated,” Hoseok whispered and buried his face in the crook of the other man's neck.

“You- love me? But how do you know?” the blonde boy whispered and curled his arms tighter around Hoseok’s waist, attaching himself as closely as he was able to. “Won’t you be bored with me? I don’t know how to do marketing and I don’t know what a photo aery is and stuff.”

_How do you know?_

“I know because I seem to ignore all those things and still want to be next to you. I'm not sure whether I love you, I have to get to know you better, but I'm definitely feeling something, and it doesn't go away. This is crazy, but I want you. I really do.” He turned around and pressed his lips to the spot behind Hyungwon's small ear and pulled him closer to his chest.

“You seem so sure about this, I just feel like I know nothing at all apart from the fact that there is nothing else on my mind. I really really like you and my first thought was that it’s like a crush, an intense infatuation, but I don’t fucking know. I just want to see you and I don’t want you to think that you have to give me all those things because I like you independently, fuck.” The blonde boy spoke quickly again, mumbling everything into his shoulder and squeezing his waist as tightly as he could. “I want you too, so fucking much, Hoseok, it’s just mental.”

Leaning back, he watched Hyungwon's face intently, sucking in the look in his eyes, the position of his eye brows, the curve of his plump lips.

“I want to draw you, you're beautiful,” he whispered and leaned in, kissing the other man's gorgeous lips and melting into the warm touch. It seemed like whatever they weren’t able to express through words, their actions compensated for easily. Hyungwon’s hands slowly slid upwards until they reached his neck and circled around it as the younger man returned the soft touch, kissing back and licking over his bottom lips slowly. It was sensual, tender even and without any urgency.

He didn't know whether it was love because there was nothing to compare it to, but it was intense and overwhelming, and he really wanted it to work.

Caressing Hyungwon's lips with his tongue, he embraced the other man's slim form. His hands traced Hyungwon's sides, his hip bones and his lower back.

“I enjoy being close to you so much, it's a struggle to hold back every time,” he whispered and met Hyungwon's gaze.

“Then maybe you should just ditch the holding back,” the blonde man whispered, tongue sliding over his lips briefly and long fingers stiffening in his shoulders.

“I'm a little scared that you'll run away.” He chuckled and pulled Hyungwon closer by using his grip on the other man's lower back.

“Why would I run away if I want to be close to you?” Hyungwon laughed and used his index finger to follow a line along his neck, Hoseok couldn't really tell which one. “I still can't stop thinking about the pictures I took, fuck.”

“Why? You like them? I can't stop thinking about you, I just use your pictures to remind myself how gorgeous you are.” He leaned in and kissed along Hyungwon's neck, following his path with the fingers of his right hand.

It was attractive how the younger man's breath hitched at the touch, no matter how soft.

“You look at my pictures? For aesthetic reasons or to jerk off?” A grin spread Hyungwon's plump lips and he raised a pierced eyebrow. “Also, I kinda want to make my life about your pics. It looked like you showed me the first corner of a drawing, hiding the rest.” Fingers were slowly entangling themselves with his hair while the blonde boy spoke.

_You don't need the pictures to masturbate, your head is enough._

“For aesthetic purposes, my imagination kind of does the job.” Hoseok remembered how he pleased himself in the shower thinking about Hyungwon's arousing body.

“It must be really good considering your dick just twitched against my thigh,” the other man remarked and bit down on his lower lip, smiling a little. “I’m thinking about you all the time, I just don't jerk off that much. It's a little impractical when you're never alone.”

“Shut up,” he hissed and walked a few steps until Hyungwon’s back touched the closed door. “Aren’t you a healthy teenager? Why wouldn’t you masturbate?” Hoseok knew that he was provoking, but it was too good to not say it.

Hyungwon's eyes widened at the sudden impact with the door, only to narrow again as his lips pulled together.

“ _You_ better shut the fuck up, I'm no teenager and I have no fucking time for this. I'm never alone either, so how the fuck would I jerk off in peace, jackass?” The blonde boy's fingers tugged at Hoseok’s lightly while a rough exhale brushed his lips. “I'm not the one who's holding back, am I?”

“You’re cute,” he commented and grinned brightly, pinning Hyungwon’s body into the door with his hips. He felt way better and less awkward, now that he knew that the other man wanted him too.

“You're cute for being the one with the twitching dick just to pretend you're suddenly all composed. Adorable even,” Hyungwon replied, smile bright and hands remaining in the strands of Hoseok’s hair.

Damn, Hoseok really wanted to show him what lack of composure looked like but glanced up instead to calm himself.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to prevent him from rolling his hips into Hyungwon’s lower body and hissing at the way it felt.

_You should’ve masturbated. Although with him it’s no use, is it?_

The younger man gasped and pressed his head to the door, inhaling sharply. A few seconds passed until he returned his eyes to Hoseok’s face.

“Trying to get back composure, honey?” he teased and slipped his lean thigh between Hoseok’s legs.

“Shit, I’d show you what not having composure looks like, but it’d be too much for you,” he whispered next to Hyungwon’s small ear and moved his hands over the other man’s sides, tracing the form of his slim waist. Hoseok didn’t want to ruin his impression ten minutes after confessing.

“Maybe you're underestimating me, I'm pretty good at taking it,” Hyungwon purred and rolled his thigh upwards, just enough to increase friction.

“Ah, I'm not sure about that,” Hoseok purred back, attaching his lips to Hyungwon's exposed collarbones.

“Then maybe you should go ahead and find out. I'm pretty good at controlling myself, you won't hear a sound from me if I don't want you to.” The blonde boy increased the pull on Hoseok’s hair, leading him further along the skin of his chest. “You've seen nothing yet.”

He wanted to laugh, really loudly, because he had always been a master at hiding his wishes, thoughts and fantasies just like his preferences. His family taught him well.

“So, you're telling me that there's still something to see? Show me then, maybe I'll show you too, if it's any good.” It was perfect to speak against Hyungwon's skin without giving the other man the opportunity to read his face.

“I'll have to disappoint you, dick doesn't make me come, not in the usual sense,” the younger man remarked and shifted against the door. “You could play with me, just- maybe not here cause it's not that private.”

“Huh? But I thought that you're homosexual. You aren't?” He was absolutely shocked, staring at the other man with huge eyes.

Whatever it was that he said, it must have been hilarious as Hyungwon cracked up, shaking against Hoseok’s body with the intensity of his laughter and unable to calm down.

“Oh god, Hoseok, that-" he laughed against and held his breath to calm down, “that's not what I meant. Sure, I'm gay, but a dick up my ass doesn't make me see stars, it's complicated.”

_Ah, he's not sensitive enough. That's why he said play._

“That's why you said that you don't like sex? Now I get it. Sure, you just have to tell me what you like, I'll do it,” he whispered and attached his lips back to Hyungwon's collarbone, tracing it with his tongue and licking over one of his small nipples.

The beautiful blonde’s breath hitched at the touch as his eyes widened. He seemed genuinely surprised, pulling Hoseok away to look at him properly.

“That's fine with you? Guys always get so disappointed that they can't make me come with their dick, still convincing me to try and all. Usually I get off first and then let them fuck me, we can do the same, I feel pretty damn good from the inside.” It was a little amusing how Hyungwon gestured, like he was advertising something. ”Ya know, I kinda have this special toy.”

“But I'm not here to get off, I want you to enjoy it, it's the biggest turn on. If you need a toy then I could play with you if you'll let me,” he murmured, face probably resembling a cooked lobster.

“Oh god, pl- totally, we should totally do that.” Hyungwon coughed awkwardly and brushed through his hair, shifting again. “But again- maybe not here, I don't live alone, remember?”

“‘Get it and let's go to my place.” Hoseok didn't intend on sounding eager but it backfired.

“This might be the second most planned sex I ever had but I'm digging it, fuck, I don't want to run around with a boner, Hoseok,” Hyungwon hissed and grabbed a backpack next to the bed, simply pulling it over his bony shoulder like it was everything he needed. “Fuck my life, I want you.”

“You don't have to run around with it, you just have to sit in my car for five minutes until we're home. And god knows, I want you too.”

Turning around, he found his shoes and pulled them on his feet hurriedly. Then he followed Hyungwon out and made sure not to fall on his face with the boxes all over the place.

“Those are my mom's,” the blonde boy explained belatedly as he slipped into the passenger seat and buckled up, staring at his own crotch for a few seconds. “I can't believe we're doing this, shouldn't we be talking about feelings or something? I dunno. I'm just sitting here and thinking about kneeling on your bed in pretty light while you fuck me with a toy.”

_Oh god. Fuck._

Hoseok choked, trying to catch his breath and stop creating perfect images in his head.

“Fuck. I need to drive, Hyungwon, why would you say that? Holy shit.” He closed his eyes for a few seconds before switching the gear shift and spreading his legs for comfort.

“I was just saying the truth!” Hyungwon exclaimed and visibly checked out his muscular thighs and prominent bulge, shifting on the seat again. “I'm just excited and sharing my feelings, shouldn't you approve, dating me and all?” A grin spread his lips. “Ya know, unfortunately I'm the personification of the ‘forever alone’ meme, I'm the only one who can make myself feel really good without using toys, but luckily there are human inventions.”

Hoseok glanced over at the other man's gorgeous body and his ridiculously long legs, how tight his jeans were and how the pierced tongue licked over his huge, red lips.

_Shit. He's your boyfriend. He's your boyfriend, Hoseok._

Stepping on the gas pedal, he curled an arm around Hyungwon's seat and pulled out of the parking spot in a hurry, driving off like a mad person using all the horse power his car had.

It took three minutes to arrive home ignoring the speed limit the whole way. Jumping out of the car he sprinted around it and opened the door for Hyungwon, who looked at him with his enormous eyes.

“Hoseok, did you just exceed the speed limit to see me kneeling naked on your bed, legs spread? Holy fuck.” The blonde boy grabbed Hoseok’s shirt and used the grip to pull himself out of the car, placing a wet kiss to his lips in the process.

“You imagined it,” he murmured and walked over to his door, opening it with his transponder. “We can also do something else, as you like.”

“As you like.” Hyungwon chuckled and curled an arm around his shoulders nonchalantly before he suddenly slammed the door behind him, dropped his backpack and grabbed Hoseok’s shoulders tightly, jumping up and closing his long legs around his hips.

“Fuck,” the blonde boy cursed and clashed their mouths together.

“Shit, I want you, Hyungwon. I want to make you scream from pleasure, show me how I can make you feel good,” he elaborated, holding Hyungwon's hips in an iron grip. He walked over to his bedroom. Kicking his shoes somewhere and pressing Hyungwon's body against the closest wall, he turned on the console accidentally, covering them in dark green light.

The blonde boy hissed, throwing his head back and turning on another LED spot, illuminating the bed with a bright spotlight.

“This might be a secret message,” Hyungwon remarked with a smile and bit down on his lower lip, expression suggestive. “But you should let me shower first.”

_True._

Hoseok carried Hyungwon to the bathroom and let him slide down until his long legs touched the tiles.

“I'll wait for you,” he whispered and went to the bedroom.

It felt strange to adjust the lights for someone else, someone who he would be close to, someone who was supposed to be his boyfriend.

_He's your boyfriend. He wants to date you too. You're dating. He's yours, Hoseok, you can be yourself with him._

It felt so good that he stared at the perfectly adjusted lighting and smiled like an idiot.

 

***

 

Sometimes Hyungwon felt like Hoseok and he were like a spoon and a fork, arguing about the best way to eat spaghetti and not getting anywhere. He didn't even know if he was the spoon or the fork.

_He wanted to date you, all this time._

All this time they could have spared themselves the worries and concerns and just dated the shit out of each other. But instead, they had been unable to communicate while Hoseok thought he had to solve all of Hyungwon's problems and Hyungwon wanted Hoseok but had no fucking idea what that even meant.

_He's in love with you, are you in love with him?_

He didn't know, it didn't seem as crazy as he had felt back in middle school when he had fallen in love with a straight boy that consistently made fun of him. Hyungwon felt more rational, at least mostly. He knew that he reacted to Hoseok and he knew that he wanted to be close to the other man. He also knew that he didn't want constant gifts but rather the older man's attention and affection.

_You like him, but you don't know anything beyond that._

Luckily there was time to find out, later, when he wasn't standing under the shower and letting the gorgeous black-haired man wait for him.

How they had switched from heartfelt confessions and feeling stupid to driving all the way to Hoseok’s place just to fuck was a mystery, but a little more familiar than delivering sushi and posing naked instead. The prior order appeared way more reasonable.

Grabbing a random black towel, he rubbed his skin dry, strategically leaving a few drops on his chest and legs and drying his hair sufficiently to give him the ‘wet but not soaking’ look. His flirt game was rusty but Hyungwon sure knew what looked good on him. Thoughts of the older man giving him what he liked, playing with him, were absolutely enough to bring his erection back to life, feeling warm in his cool hand.

Licking over his lips briefly, Hyungwon dropped the towel to the ground and walked through the dimly lit hallway to the bedroom.

Hoseok was sitting on his bed, still completely dressed and played with the LED spots on the ceiling by pressing buttons one after the other and watching the outcome.

“Did you get distracted?” Hyungwon asked with a chuckle and leaned against the door frame, watching the older man change the illumination repeatedly. It was kinda cute.

The dark gaze settled on him immediately while Hoseok scanned him like a supermarket chicken, this time a supermarket chicken he obviously found attractive.

Hyungwon grinned and pushed himself off the door frame, strutting towards the bed. Once he reached the edge and climbed on top of it, he crawled the rest of the way on all fours until he reached the older man's lap. One hand landed on the sheets, strategically placed between Hoseok’s legs while the other curled around a muscular but unfortunately clothed shoulder.

“You excite me,” Hyungwon whispered and licked a wet stripe from the dip of Hoseok’s collarbone to his earlobe. His skin was delicious.

“And you’re testing my inhibition, which is usually perfectly fine. You look amazing, especially in this light.” Hoseok dropped the remote and curled both arms around his body, pulling him closer by his neck and licking into his mouth hungrily.

“I want you naked to see how your skin reflects,” he muttered into the kiss and let his fingers part from the sheets and travel upwards from Hoseok’s inner thigh instead.

“Help yourself,” Hoseok commented and smiled against his lips, spreading his legs to accommodate him better.

Hyungwon couldn't suppress the grin as he instantly lifted the older man's shirt and littered his pale skin with kisses, adding one to each new bit of skin he uncovered. As soon as he reached Hoseok’s gorgeous nipples he sucked the erect buds into his mouth in succession and finally pulled the shirt over the black-haired man's head. His build was simply unreal, muscular and defined, everything Hyungwon loved and more.

“You're a whole fucking kink,” he murmured as he slipped between the older man's legs and mouthed at his bulge while opening the button with his fingers. His teeth pulled down the zipper right after, giving Hoseok’s dick the space that it needed. Stretching out his tongue he lapped at the clothed tip, tasting precum.

“Didn’t you want me to play with you first?” Hoseok commented after a long hiss that accompanied Hyungwon’s actions. “I really want to make you feel good, really good.”

Hyungwon had gotten a little bit distracted, but that wasn't surprising with how fucking hot the other man was.

_He's kind of yours, isn't he? No one else gets to see this._

Hyungwon liked the thought and waited for Hoseok to lift his hips so he was able to pull the jeans down the muscular legs, just like everything else, and throw the clothes next to the bed.

“Lemme get my toy, can't wait,” he murmured and could basically feel the precum at the tip of his own dick at the image of what was about to come. Shit, he was fucking sensitive if it was done right.

Climbing off the bed, he walked over to the hallway and rummaged through his backpack until he found his favorite toy, the one his mother had gifted to him on his seventeenth birthday. It was a gorgeous black color and resembled the curve of Hoseok’s dick, but just a little bit, a sad bit.

Playing with his lip piercing, he returned to the bedroom and climbed right back on top of the older man's silk sheets, crawling towards him and showing him the toy.

“It's a vibrator too, but I rarely use it cause I'd just wake up the whole neighborhood and come in thirty seconds.”

Hoseok looked interested and inspected the elongated object carefully, before licking over his lips and looking up at him under his black bangs.

“Would you- let me taste you with my tongue first?”

_What? Oh god._

Hyungwon's eyes widened and he wondered what the better course of action was, pretending that he was an expert and that rimming was no biggy, or panic and say that no one actually fucks their one night stands with their tongue, so he had no fucking clue whether he liked it. Holy fuck.

“Well, I'm fucking tight, comes with the body form and the genes I guess, so- that's probably good,” he muttered, not even sure what the hell he was talking about. Breathing in once and holding his breath, he lifted up on all fours, ass turned towards Hoseok’s face.

_Holy fucking shit._

“Holy mother of god, you’re gorgeous,” he heard Hoseok’s voice behind him before he felt warm palms around his hips that lifted and pulled him towards the other man. A cool and then a hot exhale hit his sensitive skin before he felt Hoseok’s tongue against his entrance, carefully circling and licking where it felt really good.

It was so much better than the usual penetration or the comments of awe Hyungwon always heard, fingering him even though it did absolutely nothing for him unless it was his own fingers.

He gasped and closed his eyes while his hands strengthened their grip on the sheets. It felt sensual somehow, not like a bullet of pleasure, but rather a kiss, a brief touch that built and turned into full-blown pleasure.

“More,” he whispered when the words sounded too loud in his head, begging to be let out.

The black-haired man complied, intensifying the caresses until he felt how the warm, wet muscle breached him and sent sparks through his body in addition to the firm grip Hoseok had been holding him in.

It felt good, it really did. It minimized the friction and turned the slide into something pleasant. It seemed so much more intimate than oral or proper fucking, something that not everybody would do.

Hyungwon heard himself moan and pushed back, meeting the motions of Hoseok’s tongue inside of him. His dick twitched in response. The older man met his movements and let him decide the pace, loosening the grip on his hips, and stroking over his thighs instead.

“Fuck, this- feels pretty damn good,” he forced out and let his head fall forward. His eyes were open, so he was able the see the way the older man kneeled behind him, legs slightly spread and dick responding to his moans. It was fucking hot and Hyungwon couldn't get himself to shut his eyes again, watching the effect his sounds had on Hoseok.

“You’re delicious,” Hoseok hissed after blowing air against his entrance that contracted in response. “And now tell me how to make you scream, baby.”

Hyungwon licked over his lips at the sweet name and let himself fall forward a little, head resting between his elbows while his ass remained in the air, contracting around nothing. It felt a little cold after the loss of contact, almost burning against his skin.

“Put the toy inside me, I'll show you the angle,” Hyungwon whispered and reached behind himself with his right arm, circling his middle finger around his wet entrance before slipping it inside to check if he was loosened up enough. He still felt a little tight.

The other man reached for his bedside table and pulled a bottle of lube out of the drawer, rubbing it between his fingers before applying some on him and covering his toy.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to taste you a little more?”

“It's okay, just give me a second,” Hyungwon muttered in reply and closed his eyes before adding his index finger and spreading them a few times. Suppressing a moan, he slipped them back out and lifted his body, resting on his palms again. “Fuck me up.”

“I’ll be careful, just tell me if something is wrong.” Hoseok kissed his but cheek before he felt the familiar material pushing against his entrance and slipping inside him easily.

Hyungwon gasped at the sensation. He had almost forgotten what being filled up felt like, body burning a little at the intrusion while enjoying the slide. His heart was hammering in his chest at the pleasure that was about to come.

“Fuck,” he cursed and forced himself to remain as still as possible. His thighs already shivered a little as he spread them to ease the entry. “Could you tilt it downwards? Fuck.”

Hoseok hummed and he felt the toy turning and pushing further inside him.

He moaned silently, lips parting but no sound coming out as his body heated up in anticipation. Shit, he wanted it so much, arousal building up.

“A bit- a bit further,” he breathed out and couldn't suppress a shudder that passed through his legs, hands fisting the sheets.

A small movement and Hoseok hit dead on.

Hyungwon groaned loudly, mouth opened and almost fell forward at the pleasure. It felt like Hoseok had set his blood on fire, rushing through his lower body and spreading out to his legs and chest. His breaths turned ragged even though it had been only a soft motion.

“Yes, fuck, right there- god,” he moaned and tried to push back. “Fuck me.”

“Oh god,” Hoseok exhaled and pulled the toy back before sliding it back into him. The other man’s warm hand moved over his back while his right hand played with the toy.

Hyungwon's body burned through like fuses, pleasure intensifying from zero to hundred in a mere second and he screamed while throwing his head back, unable to help it. It felt so fucking good, shit.

His thighs were shaking as he tried to push back but couldn't because of the force with which his body responded to the pleasure. His mouth stayed open as his arms gave out and he pressed his forehead to the sheets, moaning uncontrollably.

“Hoseok- Hoseok, Hoseok, Hoseok,” he murmured, turning his head from side to side. “Fuck- please give it to me, Hoseok.”

The other man pulled him closer and fucked him with the black toy, obviously paying attention to the angle and moaning at his reaction. It was surreal, like Hoseok knew exactly what to do, remembering the angle perfectly and just using it mercilessly, burning Hyungwon down like a fucking torch.

The familiar tingling of eminent orgasm travelled up his legs and focused at his groin, too intense to say anything apart from the screams that continuously left his lips and too fast to stop it from building up. Hyungwon didn’t even need any further stimulation as the older man mercilessly hit the sensitive spot inside of him until his whole body convulsed and his vision turned white for a few seconds, thighs shivering uncontrollably. A scream echoed off the walls that must have been his, fitting to the roughness of his throat and the post-orgasmic relaxation that took over his muscles.

_You just lost it, Hyungwon. Fuck._

“Holy shit,” Hoseok whispered, pulling out the toy carefully and wiping the remaining lube from his skin. “That must’ve felt so good.”

“I-” Hyungwon began, but his voice sounded so hoarse that he just gave up, breathing heavily instead. He didn’t bother to lift his head from the sheets, as his muscles felt like jelly, and he merely remained on his knees and elbows, gasping once in a while.

_You must have screamed like crazy, Hyungwon._

Once he felt like he could speak and move, he hoisted himself up on his palms and turned around carefully, sitting spread-legged in front of the older man who sat on his calves behind him and stared with his mouth slightly open.

“Now imagine why I don’t use that vibrator function much,” Hyungwon muttered to get some of the heavy feeling out of the air and took another few deep breaths to calm himself.

_You better make him see stars after this._

Closing the distance between himself and the older man, he placed kisses to the skin of Hoseok’s thighs, moving upwards and sucking a nipple into his mouth. “How do you want me to make you feel good?” he asked, voice low and still rough.

“God, I almost came just from watching,” Hoseok muttered, sharp exhales leaving the other man’s mouth as he curled his muscular arms around his shoulders.

“Do you want to be inside of me?” Hyungwon asked and slowly crawled up on top of the black-haired man’s lap, moving his ass smoothly over the prominent and obviously leaking erection. Hoseok hadn’t been lying about his response to Hyungwon’s pleasure.

“But- you said that you don’t even like it that much, I’m okay, really,” Hoseok blabbered and moaned as soon as Hyungwon was on top of him, fingers immediately digging into his sides and pushing him down.

“It’s fine, I want you to feel good,” he whispered and leaned in, sucking Hoseok’s earlobe into his mouth. It was really attractive how responsive the older man was, attempting to hold back and not respond. Hyungwon really wanted him to just go with it, enjoy himself, especially after making him feel so ridiculously good. “Tell me what you enjoy, I’ll do it.”

“It’s complicated. Just touch me, I’m going crazy after watching you.” Hoseok leaned in and attached his lips to Hyungwon’s neck, sucking on the sensitive skin and tracing his jugular with his hot tongue.

“Listen- Hoseok, I have basically no refractory period, you can’t just-” he muttered and gasped at the ministrations. He was trying to collect his wits to complain and tell the other man that it was unfair, after all Hyungwon was complicated too. “I showed you my ‘complicated’, why don’t you show me yours?”

“Because for you it’s the toy, but I can’t use you as my toy and I don’t want to.” The black-haired man moved his hips, thrusting up against his lower body and slid his tongue over one of Hyungwon’s nipples.

He moaned because there wasn’t really much choice when a tongue touched his nipples. It was unfair, Hyungwon also wanted to make Hoseok feel good, even if he had to be the toy for that.

“But maybe I want to be the toy, I like you playing with me,” he whispered and bit down on his lower lip, eyes closing at the faint pleasure of a hot tongue on his skin.

“Can’t you just touch me?” Hoseok whined, intensifying his caresses and making Hyungwon moan more than the other man had in the past minutes.

_Just make him crack._

“I could,” he whispered and slipped down from Hoseok’s thighs, holding onto them with his hands instead as he leaned down and closed his lips around the beautiful tip of the older man’s erection, sucking lightly but not enough. If there was still so much control, Hyungwon was just going to break it.

“Oh god, are you doing this on purpose? Fuck.” Hoseok’s pale hands reached for his hair, but the other man pulled them back, letting them fist the sheets next to his muscular thighs. Having the gorgeous man curse was already a good sign.

_But he’s not even grabbing your hair._

Hyungwon increased his efforts and worked with the automatic way the black-haired man spread his legs, allowing him access to his balls. Using his left hand to stimulate the shaft of Hoseok’s erection and the right to massage the skin between his balls, Hyungwon dipped his tongue piercing into the older man’s slit repeatedly, teasing throughout.

There was a loud moan as Hoseok’s hand settled in his hair, pulling him back as the black-haired man leaned down and caught his bottom lip with his teeth carefully.

“Why are you teasing me so much? Fuck,” Hoseok’s low voice vibrated against his mouth.

“Because I want to see you lose it,” Hyungwon whispered back and let his thumb rub over the wet tip repeatedly, drawing circles.

“No, you don’t,” Hoseok replied, letting himself fall back on the sheets, rough exhales sounding in the room. “Just touch me, please.”

“I am,” he replied and moved back down to lick a stripe from the base of the older man’s erection to the tip before sucking it into his mouth again. “I’m making you feel good, aren’t I? Do you want to fuck my mouth, Hoseok?”

“Do you like to be manhandled, Hyungwon? You don’t look like it at all, rather like a person who’s independent and wouldn’t let people tell him what to do.” Suddenly Hoseok sat up again and pulled him from between his legs.

Hyungwon whimpered at the sudden action, but caught himself almost instantly, biting down on his tongue.

“Depends,” he answered carefully and hoped it neither sounded eager to be thrown around, nor like he was totally opposed. He didn’t like guys thinking he was fucking eager for their dick even though he barely enjoyed it, but Hoseok was so focused on his pleasure that it was difficult not to beg and have his hair pulled. Fuck.

“Do you want me to do it, or do you just want me to feel good and suggest it even though you don’t like it? Like sex? Because that’s not really the point, you know? I think it’s really arousing if you have fun and pleasure while doing something.” Hoseok talked and kissed along his shoulders in between his words, even though his dick must’ve been throbbing for ages already.

For a brief moment Hyungwon considered to just go ahead and sit down on the older man’s dick, but the fact that he wouldn’t have enjoyed it much and Hoseok would most likely be able to tell stopped him. Admitting to enjoying the way the black-haired man fucked his mouth seemed easier.

_If you deny it again, he just won’t do it, Hyungwon._

“I want it,” he murmured and let his eyes flutter shut for a brief moment, not used to admitting to sexual preferences apart from being fucked by a toy. That one was easy by now.

“Good, because I really want it too.” He felt Hoseok’s lips spread in a smile against the skin of his collarbone before he leaned back. His black hair fell into his eyes and gave his gaze even more impact than usual, facial features perfectly emphasized by the arranged light.

The older man was gorgeous and Hyungwon would have been perfectly fine with letting him have his way with him. There was something dangerous and exciting to the impression the black hair and dimmed light produced.

Licking over his lips briefly, he crawled towards the headboard and propped himself up, so that his head rested against one of the big pillows, high enough for Hoseok to reach his mouth while kneeling. Hyungwon stretched out his right arm and beckoned the older man over with his index finger, eyes taking in the gorgeous sight.

“Come ‘ere and take what’s yours.”

Something in Hoseok’s gaze changed, but he wasn’t able to pinpoint what it was. He just saw the other man’s pale body coming closer and positioning himself, thighs placed on each side of his waist. Hoseok took his thick length and parted his lips with the smooth tip.

Hyungwon didn’t mean to seem eager, but there was something about the expression on the black-haired man’s face, evoking a moan from his throat before he was able to stop himself. He opened his mouth further and let his tongue dance over the tip of the older man’s erection.

“Fuck, you’re hot,” Hoseok hissed and reached for his hair, brushing his blonde bangs back before grabbing a fistful and smiling. “Shit,” the other man’s low voice sounded strained as he pushed himself into his mouth, moaning right after.

It sounded beautiful and Hyungwon hummed on purpose, adding to the sensation of sliding into his throat. He loved the position because he was able to see the way it made the black-haired man react, thighs tensing repeatedly.

The movements got faster, but Hoseok kept looking down, meeting his gaze and obviously checking whether he was okay with what was happening, it was contrasting against the other man’s usual shyness. He seemed like a different person somehow.

Even if Hyungwon had wanted to, he wouldn’t have been able to hide that he enjoyed every second, blush spreading along his face from arousal and hands curling around Hoseok’s muscular thighs. They felt amazing under his fingertips, evoking a moan that added to the vibrations along Hoseok’s dick, just like his tongue that repeatedly lapped at the tip.

“I’m close, babe,” Hoseok said, tightening his grip and moving faster with every thrust before stuttering a little in the middle of a movement and releasing himself into Hyungwon’s mouth with a loud moan of his name.

_You should always make him moan your name like that._

Swallowing instantly, he sucked at the tip lightly to decrease the likelihood of a mess on the older man’s silk sheets and inhaled through his nose. His hands travelled up and down Hoseok’s thighs repeatedly, memorizing the way his muscles contracted at each motion. The black-haired man was simply stunning, indescribable and none of Hyungwon’s sculptures really did him justice.

Crawling back, Hoseok lay down next to him and pulled him into a kiss, arms curling around his waist as if they were supposed to be around him all the time.

“I don’t want to repeat myself, but you are stunning.”

Hyungwon chuckled because those exact words had been passing through his mind concerning the man in his arms. Smiling brightly, he hugged back and ignored his arousal as well as he could. If he wanted to keep the title of teenager away from himself he would have to work on that some more, preferably by starting with his libido.

“I thought the same about you, I love how you moan my name. My sculptures can’t do your body justice, I wish I could sculpt you while you come and actually show somebody instead of hiding it away in my not safe for work collection.”

_Oh, just shut up._

“You what? You have a not safe for work collection? Oh my god, am I by any chance part of it? Also, the orgasm didn’t seem to last long, do you want me to touch you?” Hoseok licked over his lips and pulled his lower body closer against his own, creating friction with the circle movements of his hips, like a tease.

_For fuck’s sake._

Hyungwon moaned and threw his head back, slapping Hoseok’s shoulder lightly because it seemed faster than getting his mouth to produce proper words.

“I just get hard when you fuck my mouth, I can’t help it,” he hissed and bit down on his lower lip to stop making noises and to also stop pushing his hips into the older man’s eagerly.

“You took it so well, oh my god,” Hoseok whispered and leaned down, closing his lips around a nipple. It was a bad sign. “I’m going to give you some more attention, if you’re okay with that.”

“Fuck, yes-” he exclaimed and closed his eyes, moaning at the tingling sensation that lips on his nipple sent right to his groin, fuck. “Make me feel good, maybe I’ll show you my collection someday.”

“I really like how responsive and sensitive you are, it’s so much fun to play with you.” Hoseok’s pink tongue caressed his chest before he moved further down and didn’t bother with unnecessary stuff, closing his lips around the tip of his erection instead, sinking down and sucking harshly.

“Can I-” Hyungwon began and moaned from the way Hoseok’s curved lips felt on his dick. The older man could move his mouth so much, it was simply crazy. “Can I finger myself while you do that?”

“You can do whatever you like as long as you don’t scratch my chest open,” Hoseok murmured and turned, leaning back against the headboard and pulling him along until he was in a similar position Hoseok had been in before.

“Fuck,” Hyungwon cursed and shook his head repeatedly, hoping that it was enough of a sign that he had no intention of scratching Hoseok. He hated the way the red lines had looked on the black-haired man, painful and tainting his pale skin. Leaving one arm propped against the headboard, he inserted his index and middle finger into his mouth, coating them in saliva before reaching behind himself. It was difficult to keep his motions coordinated with the simultaneous pleasure that soared through his body.

Once he had distracted himself through brief pain in his lower lip, he let the two digits slide inside of himself, curling them the way he liked almost instantly. It wasn’t as good as the toy, but it definitely added to the blowjob.

Hoseok was quick, sucking and taking him far up his throat, humming around him and giving him the extra caresses with his tongue until he felt the imminent pressure in his groin, begging for release.

“Close,” he managed to force out of his throat, unable to move his fingers and merely pressing down on the pleasant spot while Hoseok took him almost all the way. His muscles contracted, and a loud moan left his lips as the coil in his groin finally unraveled and he released himself down the older man’s throat, almost falling to the side if not for the hands that grabbed his hips and stabilized him while Hoseok sucked up and let him go due to oversensitivity.

“I’ve never started a relationship like this.” Hoseok pulled him down on top of his warm, somewhat wet body and hugged him tightly.

“You mean with multiple orgasms and jelly legs?” Hyungwon commented and just curled his limbs around the other man, feeling like he could have fallen asleep in a matter of seconds. “Me neither.”

“It must be special then, don’t you think?” the other man’s husky voice whispered next to his ear as he pulled the silky blanket over their bodies.

Hyungwon hummed in agreement, convinced that he was right. Maybe the fact that they had inaugurated their relationship in the same way they had inaugurated his studio wasn’t really the proof that their relationship was something special, but the fact that the feelings were new was. He felt more at ease with Hoseok, capable of admitting to preferences and possible complications and it didn’t feel like the older man blamed him for the effort he had to invest to make him feel good. It almost seemed like it was okay, independent of what he needed and how problematic or impractical it was.

Lying in bed, surrounded by warm arms and curved lips that whispered nice words into his ear, it almost seemed like there were no arguments, disagreements or misunderstandings between them.

Only mutual affection.

_

 

“Listen, when I open this door,” Hyungwon began and kept the key in the lock, not turning it yet, “I don’t want you to ask me why it looks like that and whether I robbed a bank, okay?”

He was standing in front of the door to his new studio, ready to show his mother and be bombarded with questions he didn’t really know how to answer yet. He still hoped that ‘because he is my boyfriend’ wouldn’t slip out by accident, it wasn’t really the context in which he wanted to mention dating a thirty-year-old architect. It wasn’t that she would oppose per se, his mother had been very supportive of his feelings after all, but as soon as things became serious and had a few little ‘buts’ attached to them, she started to get suspicious.

“But I know that you didn’t rob a bank because you don’t have the time and you don’t have the skills,” his mother commented, brushing a strand of her long blonde hair behind her right ear, smiling brightly.

“Well, thank you, mom.” He sighed at the disrespect and turned the key, pressing down the door handle right after and adjusting the light on the console Hoseok had spent a full three hours explaining to him. He knew the basics and for everything else there were three pages of notes lying in the drawer hidden under it. Swallowing, he stepped into the middle and turned towards his mom, waiting for her reaction.

“Oh my god, Hyungwon. Is this yours? Really?” She immediately started moving around and looking into the cupboards before she found the cam and turned around with her mouth open. “You know that it's worth two times our rent? I wanted to give it to you for your birthday, but they wanted so much money for it. Holy shit. How much money did you spend on all of this?”

_No, you didn’t fucking know it was twice the rent, fuck._

Hyungwon’s eyes widened in shock and he was impossibly glad that his mother hadn’t decided to turn it on and look through the pictures, just holding the fragile device in her small palms instead.

_You’ll never be able to pay back what he gave you, never, not even if you work for it for your whole life._

“I- I told you my budget, it didn’t change,” he muttered and crossed the distance to catch the camera in case it dropped, holy shit. “I didn’t know it was that expensive, fuck.”

“Why did he give you all these things? I thought he was snobby. Snobby people never give others anything, Hyungwon.” His mom put the camera back carefully and walked towards the wheel with the block of marble on it. “Either he must be so fucking hooked on you, or on your sculptures, I don't even know. I just hope he doesn't want anything from you. It looks as if it's at least three times the budget if you ask me with my economics degree.”

_Three times the budget? But that’s like throwing money out of the fucking window, Hyungwon._

“I- I don’t know, he wanted to make me happy, fuck. I figured it’s way more than I gave him, but I didn’t think it was that much, holy fuck. He didn’t ask for anything, mom.”

_Apart from dating you as soon as he fulfilled your criteria of having a studio and becoming more known as a sculptor._

Fuck, what if the older man did all this in order to make it possible to date him? What if he thought it had been necessary for Hyungwon to say yes? Fuck.

“Who is he? Fit-bro Jesus? I mean, I'm so incredibly happy for you because I wasn't able to give you all these things you definitely deserve, but I also don't want you to think that these are free. I mean you must know how much it takes to earn money and to be able to afford certain things for yourself. Did you ask him why he did this? Why he gave you all this? Did he ask you whether it was okay to give it to you?”

There they were, the questions.

“He did ask me if he can do the interior design and I said I can’t pay for it and he said he wants to do it as a present. I just didn’t think it would be this extensive. Just before showing me he also told me that I have to accept the studio, even if I don’t accept other things.” Hyungwon spoke quickly, recollecting all the small situations that led to Hoseok gifting him with something as valuable as his studio. It was just crazy, but there had been nothing that the older man asked for in return. Even to date him the criteria had been to have a studio, not that it had to be filled with expensive items. “He did say that he likes me, remember?”

_But he’s also not rich. He said so, he saves up for your sculptures._

“Wow, that must be some insane kind of liking then. So, what now? Are you still ‘friends’ or did you stop meeting after he was done with it?” Opening the cupboards, his mother pulled out the expensive tools Hyungwon didn't know were there. “Is this for sculpting? I guess he might have been overwhelmed that you were the one who created his sculptures. I remember you telling me.”

_Is that it? He did say that your sculptures give him emotions that nothing else was able to give him._

“His whole apartment is filled with them, he told me that he saved up to buy one each month,” Hyungwon whispered and felt the sudden urge to call Hoseok and climb on his lap, embracing him while thanking him repeatedly for just giving him everything he could have ever dreamed of. He had no fucking idea how to repay him or if he ever could, but he wanted to try at least. He had to. “We’re not friends, we’re- well.”

“What kind of ’well’? The ‘we are actually in a relationship but pretend that nothing happens as long as no-one gives it a name’ well, or the ‘I don't know what's going on because we never talk about important things’ well?” His mom moved towards the windows and looked outside.

“Neither,” Hyungwon murmured and sighed. He hadn’t wanted to say it in connection with the studio, but there wasn’t much of a choice at this point. They shared everything, so it was obvious that she would know at one point or another. “We’re dating.”

“Oh,” she commented turning around immediately and staring at him with her big, green eyes. “Well, that's a little fucked up, but do you like him? I mean independently of all the money he poured into your studio for reasons I cannot predict at all.”

“I do, I didn’t want him to pour money into me from the beginning on. You know I hate feeling like a charity case, I didn’t want him to think that it’s what I needed from him. He just- he did it independently. I like him a lot, mom, I even thought he would ask me to date, but he didn’t and then we misunderstood each other and last week he came over to our place and we finally figured it out and oh my god, I’m sorry for not telling you, but I wanted to think about it first.”

“Bring him over, I need to see what kind of human he is. What kind of human gives my son the opportunity to create art in such a perfect environment. The window shapes, they're beautiful, just like the light, it looks a little magical, doesn't it? That must've been something that got you, the way he is obviously able to create something others can't.”

Hyungwon nodded furiously because it was so fucking true. Hoseok was amazing when it came to light, able to change the atmosphere by the single press of a button.

“He’s amazing with light and the window shapes were designed by him, he showed me the process. He can adjust the light for everything in his apartment and especially his bedroom, he showed me so many times. He adjusts the light for everything, he even fucks me in perfect light.” Just when the last sentence left his lips, Hyungwon knew that might have been a tiny bit too much, considering it was probably going to bite him in the ass someday when she decided to tease him.

“Oh, that's freaky, you let him? He must be a special one, I thought you were loyal to the black panther.” His mother lifted an eyebrow before examining the complex arrangement on the ceiling.

Hyungwon was rather happy that she stopped opening drawers because he hadn’t hidden his not safe for work collection yet, at least not properly.

“The toy was involved, mom, I offered but he didn’t want to cause I told him I’m not too much of a fan. He’s really considerate, amazing since he disliked me so much before.” Staring at the marble block in the middle he suddenly remembered the fact that Hoseok had just sold a statue of his for ten thousand euro, to date him. “Actually, I kinda wanted to give you a present.”

“He can't be a real, living male, it's impossible.” She giggled and pulled a hair tie out of her jeans pocket, arranging her blonde strands in a ponytail.

“Why? But please do, I really love your presents.”

“He kinda sold a sculpture of mine for a ridiculous amount of money, so I wanted to buy you something, will you come by the mall next week?” he asked with a grin and walked over to curl his arms around his mother’s waist and twirl her around once, just for the hell of it and because he was fucking happy that he could get her something.

_It’s for the first fucking time._

“You know, when you're happy and smile this gorgeous smile of yours, my whole life seems worth it, every single thing, all of it,” she whispered and pressed a kiss against his cheek. “You deserve all of this and more.”

Hyungwon’s bottom lip quivered at the sudden emotion that spread through his chest at the sight, at the expression that was so genuine and raw.

For once he would be able to give something in return, even if it was just a spark in comparison to everything she had given him over the years.

_Because affection is supposed to be free, but you’re an asshole if you don’t return it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 17th of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don't have to be adopted, Hyungwon. It's not how life is, you don't just leave your family because it's problematic and find new parents. You have to deal with what you have and adjust somehow, so you don't go crazy because your whole life is a fucking lie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

He walked through the ridiculously long hallway and listened to the sounds his black Budapests produced while meeting the marble floor, click clack, like a very loud clock. The walls were filled with different pictures that were all gorgeous but shouldn’t have been put next to each other, Tae would’ve done a better job with his skills for less money much like he could’ve done a better job with the lighting, but his opinion had always been secondary, if relevant at all.

_It’s not relevant, Hoseok._

The only relevant thing had always been the numbers. The numbers had to fit. Which they didn’t.

“Sit down. I looked over the report for this month and there’s something fishy about it. Your profit should’ve been a  fifteen percent increase from the last month, but it’s two percent. Don’t you know how to do business? What did you do with the money?” His father’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked up over his glasses and parted his mouth slightly in distaste.

_Have fun explaining._

He concentrated on his face first, it had been the most important part. Always. Loosening up the muscles, he thought about one of Hyungwon’s sculptures, the one with the hand in front of its face, he imagined the same hand covering his own and not being afraid that someone could see what he thought.

_He can’t see it._

“I agreed on a project that took way more time and resources to complete than previously planned. The budget was set so I exceeded it for the quality of the outcome even though I shouldn’t have. I acquired a very profitable project a week ago, so it should flatten out the loss,” He elaborated and scratched at the fabric of his suit pants.

“It was stupid. You were stupid. Never agree on spending money without securing the backup first. The client should’ve paid the difference. And if he can’t then you shouldn’t have taken the project in the first place. I expect that you stop spending money on useless things and create more profit.”

_This hypocrite._

He had no idea where his sudden rebellion came from, but he really wanted to smirk and tell his father to stop going to five star hotels with his young lovers, buying them bags and shoes while lying to his mother that he’s on business trips. He didn’t, of course he didn’t, he just agreed and promised to do better.

“When are you finally marrying? Your mother and me have been waiting for quite some time already, it’s time.”

_Oh for god's sake._

“I don’t have time for a relationship because I work all the time. I’ll tell you when I’ve found someone.” He packed his documents into the black leather bag and stood up from his chair, making no noise because his father hated it.

“I’ve thought about whether I should buy half of your company, so you have someone to look over your shoulder and make sure you don’t do anything stupid. This is not drawing naked men, Hoseok, it’s real business and you have to take it seriously.”

_This fucker._

“You don’t have to, I’m perfectly fine and I will make more profit this month, I have already planned to take more projects to equal this out. You don’t need to get involved.” He was used to his father using his drawings to blackmail him, back then, when he had found the small notebook. Hoseok had drawn his crush from school while they were changing after sports and forgot it on his desk. Another classmate found it and he was called to explain himself but was unable to tell the truth that he had been attracted to his friend since forever.

_Sure, because he doesn't want weak people in the family. Asshole._

Having different preferences was a weakness, so Hoseok was straight. For his family. That was the reason he didn’t have one night stands, and only had - mostly shitty - semi-secretive long-term relationships, didn’t like going out or engaging in public display of affection that went beyond ‘normal’ friendly or over Tae. Because Tae had always been the upper threshold of what was considered acceptable.

_How are you going to make Hyungwon understand without telling him all this?_

He had no idea and it was a mess, he was so happy and busy being overwhelmed by the fact that the other man agreed to dating him that he didn’t think about the consequences at all.

_Don’t think, just work, you have to get the money back for him to leave you alone._

It was going to be a busy month.  
  
_

Walking through the doors of the big mall, he tried to appear easygoing because he just wanted to buy jeans.

_And see Hyungwon._

Actually, he wanted to see Hyungwon, but it had been impossible with his schedule and how he tried to work every single minute as soon as he was awake to prevent his father from butting into his business and making his life hell. Buying jeans seemed to be a legit reason to sneak out from work and leave the three projects he had worked on simultaneously unfinished on his desk, iPad and computer.

Smiling shyly, he entered the shop and spotted Hyungwon's cute butt peeking out of the hallway leading to the fitting rooms.

Closing the distance, he looked around quickly, before curling both arms around his waist and placing a short kiss against his warm neck. It had only been a second before he let go again, pretending that nothing had happened.

It was hilarious how the blonde boy instantly lifted his hand like he was about to slap him right in the face before his big, brown eyes widened and he stopped himself just in time, index finger grazing his pale cheek.

“Fuck, Hoseok, I thought you were some random pervert,” he muttered and quieted down suddenly even though there was no one else in the shop.

“A random pervert? Really? I thought I'm the only one who does stuff like that, so you'd know, or am I not?” He raised an eyebrow and leaned in again to kiss Hyungwon's thick lips once. He had missed the blonde boy so much over the past two weeks.

“Have you ever been to a mall?” the younger man chuckled and licked over his bottom lip briefly before letting go and glancing towards the fitting rooms. “There are enough assholes out there that think they have the right to touch you inappropriately, women have it especially hard. But yeah, you’re the only one who is allowed to do that.”

Hoseok didn't know because no-one really dared to touch him inappropriately and if they did he reacted rather viciously, so it had never been a problem. Suddenly the curtain of one of the fitting rooms was pulled to the side and a woman came out. She was a little shorter than him, long blonde hair and huge, light colored eyes.

“Oh, you have customers, well- actually I also came to buy jeans, I'll go take a look,” he murmured and wanted to leave Hyungwon to work in peace. The blonde man seemed a little awkward.

“Oh, you don't have to run away,” the blonde woman suddenly exclaimed, voice low and pleasant to his ears.

_What?_

He turned around faster than his hair could follow and stared at the attractive, blonde woman. She smiled at him for no reason whatsoever and turned her butt towards Hyungwon.

“How does it look?”

“Ehm,” Hyungwon began and glanced towards him briefly before returning his attention to the woman’s behind. “To be honest I’d go for something tighter, it’ll lift it up better. Those look like boyfriend jeans on you and that’s only good for home, I think.” Licking over his lips quickly, the younger man turned towards him again and pulled his lips together, like he didn’t really know what to do with himself.

“What kind of jeans do you want, Hoseok?” he asked eventually and obviously checked out Hoseok’s legs, eyes easily slipping along their length and pausing at his thighs.

“Uh, as always, tight but nice to sit in. I have to sit a lot over the next few weeks,” he murmured while glancing at the female customer who kept smiling at him for no reason.

_Do you know her?_

Not that he could recall, and he usually remembered people he had anything to do with.

“You really think I should take the tighter ones? Hyungwon? I know, I'm not Hoseok's thighs, but could you concentrate for a second.” The slim woman slapped Hyungwon's butt and grinned. “Should we ask for his opinion too? Hoseok, which ones do you prefer, the boyfriend ones or the tight ones?”

_What the hell is going on?_

He had no idea why the woman slapped his boyfriend's butt and he had no idea how she came to the conclusion that calling him by his name without knowing him was a good behavioral choice or why he should tell a random person his opinion about their clothes.

“Fuck, don’t freak him out,” Hyungwon exclaimed and stepped a little closer towards Hoseok, examining his face intently before he turned towards the woman that appeared to enjoy getting involved in other people’s conversations. “Is my opinion not enough? Melissa always says she likes to take them off like a second skin, so they should be tight or not?”

Hoseok lost track of what was happening in front of his eyes.

“I'm not freaking him out, he's a big boy. Literally. Fine, your argument is more than valid, and my ass looks nice in those and I’ve lost your attention due to his leg muscles.” Suddenly the woman came closer, pushing Hyungwon to the side with her hips, and stretched out her small hand.

“Hey Hoseok, I'm Lena, nice to meet you.” She had really green eyes, it looked crazy. Considering how close they both acted, she must've been Hyungwon's friend. She looked a little older than Hoseok, but he couldn't really tell, it could've also been the lighting.

“Nice to meet you too, you're Hyungwon's friend?” he asked to make sure it was a person he could trust, considering she had seen them together.

Hyungwon sighed at that and massaged his temples with one hand and rubbing his hip with the other, probably because of the way he had been pushed aside like a lightweight.

“She’s not,” he murmured and occupied himself with a random pair of jeans that he unfolded just to fold them again.

“Are you telling me that I'm not your friend? Of course, I am, you tell me about your problems and I always listen, so of course I'm a friend. Why would you do me dirty like this?” the blonde woman's low voice exclaimed, and she laughed. “But I also happen to be his mother, there's that.”

_What?_

Hoseok thought it was a joke, but Hyungwon just sighed in the corner, implicitly confirming the woman's words. He didn't know what was weirder, that she didn't look Korean and had blonde hair or must've been only marginally older than Hoseok.

_Is he adopted? But they wouldn't have let her adopt him if she was so young._

Puzzled, he thought about how to explain the situation to himself.

“You are his mother? I'm sorry, I thought you looked very young, so I didn't even think about it,” he murmured and couldn't decide what he felt more awkward about, dealing with his boyfriend's mother, not knowing how to address her or the fact that she must've had less age difference with him than he had with Hyungwon.

“Ah, it's fine, it happens a lot because we don't look alike apart from the eyes. I hope you liked my pancakes.” The woman named Lena grinned and winked before turning to Hyungwon.

“Don't panic, everything is fine.” She patted Hyungwon's shoulder and disappeared in the fitting room.

_What the actual fuck?_

Hoseok turned to Hyungwon and stared without saying anything.

“So, yeah- dick pancakes, remember? My mom made them and that’s my mom,” he said quickly and pointed towards the fitting rooms. “She said just the eyes are the same, but her lips are plump too, so yeah- that’s that. Fuck, did she freak you out?” The blonde boy instantly made his way towards him and curled his lean arms around Hoseok’s waist, chin resting on his shoulder.

“No, not really, I was just surprised. She's really young, isn't she? She really seems more like a friend than like someone's mom. My mother is not like this. At all.” He leaned in and kissed the top of the other man's head, he tried hard to adjust his height to be able to lean on his shoulder. “I'm sorry that we didn't have time to meet, well, me, I didn't have time. I missed you,” he whispered to not make it too obvious and it felt weird to be intimate while having Hyungwon's mom behind the curtain.

“I missed you too,” Hyungwon replied and pressed a kiss to his lips, grinning right after. “My mom is pretty chill, guess that comes with sharing a room for years. She’s generally not ordinary, be it age or everything else. I hope you’ll like her.” Furrowing his eyebrows, the blonde boy embraced him a little tighter and chewed his cheek. “Do you have a lot of projects?”

“Yes, I had to take more this month, so I'm working nonstop. I think I'll have to buy jeans next time, I've already stayed over twenty minutes, but I actually just wanted to see you so it's okay, I guess.” Closing his eyes, he let his lips touch Hyungwon's for a few seconds before he leaned back. “And your mom seems very confident and attractive. I see where you get it from.” He smiled and loosened his hug.

Grinning, the younger man only held on tighter like he didn’t want to let go, visibly happy about the compliment.

“I could pick up a few and bring them over if you like? Unless you need sleep of course,” he remarked and glanced towards the fitting rooms again, teeth playing with the piercing in his bottom lip.

“It's fine, like this I have a reason to come again. You can come at midnight and stay over if you like. But I'll have to get up at five, so you'd have to have breakfast without me.” Chuckling, he pulled out his phone and almost got a heart attack while glancing at the time.

“You okay?” Hyungwon asked, gaze a little worried and slowly loosened the tight grip on Hoseok’s waist. “I’d love to come over, but only if you promise to tell me to stop bothering you when you want to sleep:”

“Sure,” he murmured and placed another short kiss on Hyungwon's lips. “I have to go back, I'll wait for you.” Turning towards the fitting rooms, he knocked and said bye before basically running out of the shop because he didn't have time. For anything.

_

 

It was almost midnight when he opened the heavy metal door and slipped out of his shoes. Thankfully Hyungwon had dropped by his office when he was in a meeting with a client and brought sushi with two strips of avocado, so that he didn't starve at least.

He also didn't have time to think about the fact that Hyungwon's mother was obviously European whereas Hyungwon definitely had Asian genes. Just like the fact that Lena must've been barely legal when she had him.

_He said she didn't want him._

His head hurt without thinking about Hyungwon's complicated family background, so he let himself fall on top of the couch and would have passed out after a second if there hadn't been the bell.

Peeling himself off the couch, he slapped his cheeks twice and shook his head, trying to collect his wits before opening the door and smiling brightly.

It didn’t take even a second before he had his arms full of Hyungwon and a plastic bag filled with something pointy digging into the muscles of his back.

“I missed you,” the blonde boy murmured and rubbed his small nose over his cheek. It was impossibly affectionate and only supported by the soft caresses of Hyungwon’s fingers on his scalp. “Did you like the sushi?”

It felt nice, it really did.

“Of course, I did. They had two strips of avocado,” he murmured and buried his face in the crook of Hyungwon's neck, sucking in the other man's delicious scent. He didn’t smell flowery, rather it was a mixture between gasoline, rice and a hint of how the air smelled if you drove with your windows open.

“You’re cute,” the younger man remarked with a chuckle and let go of him, holding the plastic bag in front of his nose and waving it around in excitement. “Let’s do it my way as a finish, spicy chicken and beer.”

Hoseok never had spicy chicken because it was food you ate with friends while talking about life. He couldn't really remember doing that.

“I've never had that, but I'll try,” he replied and took the plastic bag, carrying it into the living room and spreading the content over the glass table. “How was your day? Did your mom find the right fitting jeans?”

“She even found two pairs, both ridiculously tight and making her look five years younger, just the way she likes,” the blonde boy replied cheerfully before his eyes widened and he stared at Hoseok for a few seconds, slim butt settling on the couch.

“You’ve never had spicy chicken? Time to start living then.”

“How old is she? She doesn't look much older than me.” He opened the paper bags and got tissues and forks from the kitchen. “Yeah, let's live.” Hoseok really hoped he wouldn't faint.

Hyungwon watched him intently, like there was something wrong with his face. The kind of look people gave you when there was a gigantic chunk of seaweed between your teeth. The younger man shifted on the couch and unpacked his plastic bag, taking out a small Styrofoam container with deep fried chicken and two cans of beer.

“She’s thirty-eight, closer to your age than mine,” his boyfriend finally commented and sighed loudly. “Watch her make fun of it for the next ten years.”

“Wow, she looks younger though, apart from her eyes, her eyes give me the chills”, he murmured and slapped his cheeks again in an attempt to get rid of whatever Hyungwon didn't like about it. “She must've been really young when she had you.”

“Yeah, right after high school.” Hyungwon grabbed a greasy chunk of chicken covered in chili sauce with his fingers and inserted it into his mouth, chewing soundly. “Her eyes are gorgeous, wish I had those.” Shifting again, the blonde man reached out and curled his long fingers around Hoseok’s bicep, pulling him closer on the couch. “But are you sure you wouldn’t prefer to lie in bed and sleep? I told you to tell me to fuck off if you’re tired, remember?”

“Yeah, but I can't just work and sleep. We wouldn't see each other at all if I did that.” Hoseok pierced a drumstick with his fork and took a bite. It was really tasty.

“Basically, like before,” Hyungwon said with a loud laugh and pulled his long legs on top of the couch, arranging them under himself. Chewing another bit of chicken intently, he turned towards Hoseok and stared at him for a bit. His facial expressions changed, like he intended on changing the topic and it wasn’t a happy one.

“Hoseok, why did you take three projects at once?”

_He isn't happy because you work so much, but you have to do it._

“Because I have to make money this month,” he replied and gave up on manners, stuffing his mouth with meat.

“Is it- cause your dad wants you to or because you want to?” Hyungwon asked carefully, squeezing his bicep a little. “Tae told me that you got scolded because of spending a lot of money last month.”

_That traitor._

He forgot that he couldn't keep secrets if Taehyung didn't keep them.

“Because I want to work in peace.” Hoseok sighed. Suddenly beer sounded like an amazing idea and he grabbed a can, opening it with a loud fizzing noise.

Hyungwon followed the action, opening one for himself and hummed in thought as he took a big gulp.

“Will your father bother you if you don’t make enough money?” he asked and let his fingers dance along the whole length of Hoseok’s arm, stopping at his palm and intertwining their fingers carefully. They were a little greasy from the chicken but that bothered him less than the mention of his father which made his insides clench.

_Why does it feel as if talking about him makes you less worthy?_

“Let's say he thinks that I'm not very good at making business related decisions. Let's say any decisions, so he looks over my company profit and revenue and last month I had a- let's say slightly different profit from the last months so he suggested that I might be mental,” Hoseok commented and sipped on his beer casually, liking the fresh taste.

“He- sounds like the kind of person my mother likes to call ‘the average misogynistic straight male’,” his boyfriend murmured quietly and clunked their cans together. “Why would that even be any of his business? Was it bad enough to consider you mental? I’m confused, I thought you take a lot of projects and make lots of money. Why-”

Hyungwon stopped talking as his eyes widened and he almost dropped his beer, spilling some on his black t-shirt.

“Fuck, it’s because of me, isn’t it? Because of the studio.”

_Damn it._

“Not because of you, because of me, you didn't do anything, it was my decision, so I have to compensate.” Hoseok swallowed the big gulp of beer and pulled out another drumstick, biting into the tasty meat.

“But- you wouldn’t be dealing with this if you hadn’t invested so much money into me, fuck. Is there something I can do? Dunno, fake your income?” Hyungwon brushed through his hair and Hoseok could see that instead of having black roots the long fingers brushed over freshly colored bright blonde strands. “If he thinks everything is fine, he won’t complain, right?”

“I've been dealing with him all my life, so I know what to do, don't bother, I hope that you can work well in the new space.” He finally turned towards Hyungwon and smiled, genuinely this time, because he really hoped that the other man was satisfied with the outcome.

“That studio is the best thing that ever happened to me, apart from not ditching you after the first few times we met maybe.” There was something emotional about the expression on the blonde boy’s face as he placed the can of beer on the glass table and curled both his arms around Hoseok’s waist, followed by a lean leg that was thrown over his lap. “I just wish I could help you somehow, give you something. You look so tired and I feel like it is partially my fault. I can’t do shit apart from sculpting though.”

_But you made it through the last two years because you found his art. He just doesn't know it._

“But you only feel bad because Taehyung had no inhibition and forgot that he's not supposed to share what I tell him. If he didn't tell you, you'd be fine, so what's the difference?” He wiped his hands with a tissue, curled his fingers around Hyungwon's thighs and looked up, genuinely curious about why the blonde man had been so caring.

“It isn’t really about what Tae told me. My mom asked too, why you would do something so generous for me. I feel a little helpless because there is nothing I can give you apart from my gratitude.” Hyungwon leaned in and kissed his cheek, followed by both eyes and the tip of his nose. “You just look so tired and knowing that it’s partially my fault makes me want to go over to your dad and punch him in the face, or shit money. Both preferably.”

“But problems are not solved like this. They're mostly solved by pretending and making him feel as if he's right, so he can live a peaceful life. And I can live a peaceful life. I made the studio because I wanted to give back at least a little bit of what I've received from you without knowing that it had been you, so you don't need to feel bad about it.” Chewing on his cheek, Hoseok just gave up on hiding his facial expressions.

“Crazy, that’s what she said. She said it’s probably because you enjoy my work as an artist.” Hyungwon’s eyes were wide and he seemed happy, attaching himself further to Hoseok’s muscular chest. “But I disagree. I learned that problems are solved by talking or by making sure people that aren’t open to conversation get the fuck out of my life.”

“Oh. That will be a lot of fun,” he murmured, getting mildly scared by the realization that his family didn't ‘do’ open conversation and he had been acting or lying his whole life. Old habits die hard.

“You look fucking terrified, Hoseok. I’m not gonna bite your balls off,” Hyungwon commented with a laugh and grabbed a chunk of chicken, holding it to Hoseok’s lips. “We can keep it simple tonight and just make sure you get enough food and preferably also sleep. I could help you take off the edge if you like, it eliminates stress rather effectively.”

“I don't like the way that sounds,” he murmured, “It's like: we don't need to talk about complicated things, I'll make sure you eat, fuck and sleep. I don't like it. It's like my relationships before, only that they had been without sleep and food, but more fucking.”

“Oh god, no no no,” Hyungwon muttered in shock, letting go of Hoseok’s waist and waving his arms around frantically. “I just meant that I don’t want to tire you out since you look so tired. I wanted to cuddle and be close. I am happy to talk about complicated things and I am happy that you are sharing with me. I didn’t know, you seemed rather fond of your parents before even though their behavior made me furious. Now you sound more- dissatisfied to put it mildly.”

_He is shocked, isn't he?_

“I just said that they have their reasons. Doesn't mean that I'm agreeing with them. Also, doesn't mean that I'm doing what they want. Otherwise I'd be an automotive engineer married to some boring economics major who likes bags and high heels.”

_Or cheating on your wife with some dude, like your dad does with his young girls. Not using protection._

“Holy shit, that sounds like a shitty novel they force you to read in high school, Hoseok. Conservative as fuck and following the plan that they agreed upon while having 6 o’clock sex to aid the baby making. Oh god. I’m so glad you’re not doing what they want, fuck. Just do what you want. Why can’t you just tell them to fuck themselves, would something bad happen?” Hyungwon asked like he genuinely wondered what happened when one decided not to have anything to do with one’s family anymore. He slowly climbed higher on top of Hoseok, like his slim body was just gravitating towards his lap. “It was like that for my best buddy. His family was abusive, so he was taken away from them and got adopted into a nicer family with a sister that is a little older, they mainly battle over the monetary support for uni.”

“I don't have to be adopted, Hyungwon. It's not how life is, you don't just leave your family because it's problematic and find new parents. You have to deal with what you have and adjust somehow, so you don't go crazy because your whole life is a fucking lie.” He really didn't want to say it, but the words just left his mouth.

“Do you feel like your life is a fucking lie?” Hyungwon asked calmly, hips easily settling on top of Hoseok’s lap and long fingers massaging his shoulders pleasantly, removing some of the tension that must have piled up over the past few days. “You can’t run away from a family, not at first, but you can decide whether you want to have anything to do with them when you are an adult, especially when you are not financially dependent on them.”

“That must be nice to be able to ditch a person, without crediting them for all the things they've done for you, just because you're not in the mood to deal with their personality or their demands. I have to deal with them because I'm their only family.” It was sad, but it was the truth. It had never been something he could decide. “I'm doing enough things that upset them and enough things they don't know about that will definitely upset them.” He looked up at the blonde man who was sitting on top of him, being one of those things his parents would be more than upset about if they knew.

_It's so bad that being gay wouldn't even be the main disappointment._

“I- I wouldn’t just ditch somebody like that. I am convinced that one needs to be accepting if one really cares about someone. I don’t think they don’t care about you, I mean- I don’t know, I’ve never met them, but I think that they shouldn’t terrorize you like that.” The full lower lip turned only bigger as Hyungwon pouted his lips, thinking while playing with his tongue piercing. “I guess I understand somehow. My mom is my only family too, I wouldn’t want her to abandon me just because of me being a coward once in a while.”

“Let's not talk about this, I'll get in a bad mood. I need to make shit loads of money this month, so my dad stops wanting my company and asking me to marry. What about you? Now that you have the studio you actually don't need to work as much, or do you still do it? You need new shoes, you'll get ill like this,” he murmured, glancing towards the hallway and curling his arms tighter around Hyungwon's slim waist.

“Don’t diss my shoes, my mom bought them for me only recently,” Hyungwon murmured, still massaging along Hoseok’s shoulders. “I dropped a few of the delivery shifts to have more time to sculpt. I am currently working on the bluish marble you bought me when we went to that hall. The piece that will be a present for you. Although I might exchange it with the rose one, I’m still thinking.” The blonde boy was smiling brightly as he talked about sculpting, eyes fluttering shut once in a while like he needed it to imagine what he was talking about. “I still need to work though. The studio is rented, and I need to keep bringing in cash to help out my mom if necessary. I don’t want to be a burden.”

“I can understand that. I'm thirty and I hope that my parents will stop ‘worrying’ about me and my life decisions. Someday, Hoseok, someday,” he whispered to himself and looked up smiling at Hyungwon's antics. “How did we manage to talk for almost forty minutes without a single fight?” Grinning, he leaned in and kissed Hyungwon's pretty lips. “We don't even have sex or anything.”

“Are you saying that we fight unless we have sex?” the blonde boy asked darkly and furrowed his eyebrows, leaning in slowly before laughing suddenly. “Fuck, you’re right. Maybe you’re too tired to insult my behavior or call me a teenager. Or you started feeling bad doing that, now that you date me and all. After all, dating a teenager sounds kinda illegal.”

“We don't have sex, but yes, we do have misunderstandings usually, maybe I have no inhibition because I have no energy, so I'm just enjoying you being close to me. I enjoy it so much. I sold another sculpture. A gypsum one. For three thousand euro. If you want to sell it that is. The spread-legged one, I took pictures last time and the doctor really wanted to have it. This pervert.” Hoseok chuckled and threw his head back.

“Wait, what? Holy shit, Hoseok, what if I don’t have a sculpture to sell? Fuck. How do you even manage while taking care of three projects simultaneously? You’re crazy.” Hyungwon shook his head in disbelief before attaching his warm lips to Hoseok’s neck, kissing along his jugular softly. “This is just crazy. Those people don’t even know what they are getting apart from seeing some pictures, holy fuck.”

“I know that you didn't sell it, Hyungwon. Why don't you like getting money for your art? And I am good at this, I told you. They get an amazing sculpture and they should be thankful.” His words got quieter while Hyungwon's kisses travelled along his neck and he felt how his tiredness turned into a faint longing.

“It feels like I’m lying to people. I’m not famous and my value isn’t that high. Usually I take the material cost and add the hours I worked on it times 20 or something. It’s not as valuable as you make it seem, so I- I’m hesitant. I know I’m good, but am I that good? I don’t know.” The blonde man replied with his lips still grazing Hoseok’s skin, sliding along his collarbones.

“Do you want to bet? Give me a sculpture of yours and I bet that I can sell it for 15k.” He grinned knowing that he was right. If there was something he was absolutely ingenious at, then it was selling things.

Hyungwon licked over his earlobe briefly and lifted his head, grinning at him.

“Even if it’s tiny and shows you, spread-legged on the ground with your dick in your hand?”

_What?_

“You're fucking crazy, aren't you?”

Hyungwon shrugged playfully and licked over his lips, still watching Hoseok intently with his big, brown eyes. The slim body shifted on top of his lap and hands traced the contours of his pecs.

“Just fascinated, I tend to recreate images from my head too. I told you I have a not safe for work collection. I haven’t shown anybody yet, though. It’s kind of a secret and rather- yeah.”

“I want to see it, and I want to see you, naked,” Hoseok heard himself say, wondering how bad his stress levels must've been to say something like that.

The blonde boy hissed on top of him, lifting his pierced eyebrow for a brief moment until he pushed his slim body a few centimeters back and grabbed the hem of his shirt. Hyungwon pulled it over his head smoothly and threw it behind the couch.

“Like this?” he murmured and let his pierced tongue slide along the smooth surface of his bottom lip.

_He just did it, he just-_

“Yes, more,” he whispered and licked over his lips.

He could feel how warm air tickled the skin of his neck as the younger man lifted up on his knees, still positioned right on top of Hoseok’s lap. Running his long fingers over his shoulders and chest, Hyungwon let them travel towards his abdomen, scratching a little and leaving faint lines that instantly disappeared again. Inhaling sharply and closing his eyes, the other man’s hand undid the button of his ripped jeans and pulled down the zipper.

“More?” he whispered again as he pulled the blue fabric down, showing his hip bones but not uncovering his groin yet.

“Yes, I want more.”

_What are you even doing, Hoseok?_

“And what do I get for that?” Hyungwon asked, voice breathy and body visibly responding to Hoseok’s demands, jeans turning much tighter than they had been a moment ago. His right thumb dug under the waistband of his briefs while his left hand slipped into a rip on his thigh.

“I'll make you scream, if you help me,” he whispered and licked over his lips again. “I want more.”

Hyungwon’s eyes got darker at his words, black pupils taking over most of the chestnut brown color as he parted his lips slowly. His thumb slipped his jeans and underwear down on one side until he aided the action with his left hand. When the younger man wasn’t able to continue because of his position on top of Hoseok, he merely stood up and let the fabric pool at his feet before he climbed right back on top of him, beautifully naked.

“Like this?” the blonde boy asked as he crawled a little closer, half-hard erection prodding Hoseok’s shirt-clad abdomen.

“Mhm, just like that,” he whispered and let his hands travel up Hyungwon's smooth thighs, over his hip bones and upwards towards his chest. “Looking at you like this I'd really love to taste you again.” He licked over his lips, glancing up from under his bangs.

“It felt really good last time,” the blonde boy breathed out and leaned in enough to exhale against Hoseok’s curved mouth. “I was positively surprised.”

“I want to positively surprise you again; do you think you could show me the angle you like so much? My fingers aren't that long, but I could try, if you like, as we don't have your toy. I could try to be your toy, I'll do my best,” he whispered, leaning in and attaching his lips to Hyungwon's golden skin.

“Usually- just mine work, but we can try,” the tall man replied hesitantly and rolled his hips over Hoseok’s clothed erection once, eyes half-lidded. Exhaling with an open mouth, he rose up and let himself fall to the couch, blonde hair spreading out over the armrest. Hyungwon moved well, lifting one leg up and throwing it over the back of the couch while the other touched the wooden floor.

Looking at the way Hyungwon lay in front of him, he had major trouble collecting his wits to not do the things he had been used to for the past two years.

_Don't do it. It's different. He's different._

“I'll only do the things you really want me to do. I promise.”

***

Hyungwon wasn’t somebody to blindly follow requests, hated it even. He disliked being pushed around and forced to succumb to the wishes of somebody else, unable to follow his own.

_But this is different._

He didn’t even waste a single thought on hesitating, instantly grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head, followed by the rest of his clothing, uncovering his body just the way the older man wanted him to. There was something dark to Hoseok, like a secret Hyungwon hadn’t uncovered yet. Whenever he was close to the gorgeous, muscular man, he seemed to only scratch at the surface with his blunt nails, seeing only a small patch of the mosaic that hid beneath the surface.

Hyungwon wanted to see it, he wanted to see it all.

He couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so genuinely desired, observing how Hoseok’s almost black eyes turned into the perfect reflection of the darkness the older man loved so much. It was breathtaking and sent a shiver through Hyungwon’s thighs, accompanying the arousal that built at the older man’s words alone, whispered in his low voice, vibrating through the air.

He wasn’t sure if he would have been able to deny Hoseok anything, be it his body or his affection.

“I'll only do the things you really want me to do. I promise,” the black-haired man whispered, eating him up like ice cream with his eyes, gliding over his spread legs and the way his right leg was thrown over the back of the couch, opening him up for the older man to see.

It was intimate and quickened Hyungwon’s breath, heart hammering in his ears without a break.

“And what do you want to do to me?” he asked, lips parting in expectation. He wanted Hoseok to make him scream, to set him on fire like a torch and burn him down to ash. Fuck.

“I want to make you feel so good that you ask me to do things to you without thinking about it,” Hoseok whispered, pulling his button down over his head, and turning towards him. The older man was gorgeous, bodily perfection carved in flesh instead of stone.

Hyungwon smiled at that, baring his neck and arranging his arms above his head, loosely lying on top of the arm rest. He would have loved to lose his senses like that, but it was a difficult feat.

“Touch me,” he whispered instead of voicing his doubts and lifted his hips a little, allowing Hoseok better access if he wanted it.

“I'm not quite used to it, but I still hope that you'll enjoy it.” The black-haired man kept his tight, blue jeans on while crawling between his legs and caressing his inner thighs with small licks and careful bites, working his way steadily but without urgency.

“You’re not used to touching me?” Hyungwon gasped and closed his eyes for a few seconds, enjoying the soft and tender caresses, sending new waves of arousal towards his middle. He felt the urge to move his hips further towards the black-haired man’s lips but contained the desire, hissing instead.

“No, I'm not used to being close to somebody like this, it's rather the opposite usually,” Hoseok's low voice commented as he licked over his stomach and arrived at his nipples, teasing with the tip of his tongue before finally closing his lips around it, sucking intently. Hyungwon felt the weight of Hoseok's hips push down on top of him, circling and rolling into him carefully.

It felt good and he could feel how his chest kept the air of his last inhale and his eyes fluttered shut, blood rushing further south.

“You’re the one to be spoiled?” Hyungwon asked and lifted his hips a little more to meet the motion, moaning at the way Hoseok nibbled on his nipples repeatedly.

Hoseok shook his head and looked up from under his black bangs, smiling teasingly, before continuing the ministrations that made him hold his breath.

Hyungwon couldn’t help but love the look the other man had whenever he was touching him, like the black-haired man knew something that he didn’t, some kind of trick or the next step that was still to come.

_Almost like he is above you, literally and figuratively._

Normally he would have hated it, easily pulled the older man down and turned their positions, rolling his hips into him instead of being the one lying open and vulnerable under him like he was. But something made him do it, follow Hoseok’s wishes and feel excited while doing so.

“I would really love to spoil you, I just hope that it's any good,” the black-haired man murmured against his right nipple before leaning back. “I'll be back in a second.”

Hoseok stood up and left the room, giving him the absolutely mesmerizing sight of his muscular butt, traceable due to the tightness of the other man's jeans.

Hyungwon released the breath he hadn’t been aware of holding, a habit he had picked up from having to remain quiet throughout most of his sexual encounters. His heart was beating so loudly that he worried the older man would be able to hear it if he got close enough. His abdominal muscles were rising and falling with each beat.

Holding his breath again, he intertwined the fingers of his hands with each other and bent his elbows, arranging his arms a little more comfortably on top of the armrest.

_Since when do you let others surprise you with things?_

Hoseok came back with a small bottle of lube in his hand, gorgeous torso on display with how nice the light was.

“You look so stunning that I have to curse, fuck.” The black- haired man climbed on top of the couch and let the lube fall on the pillow before grabbing his thighs and kissing along them till he reached his hard dick, simply breathing hot air against it.

“So am I allowed to taste you a little bit?” Hoseok smiled playfully.

“Since I have ruined your beautiful language so much, it’s the least I can offer, isn’t it?” Hyungwon replied with a grin and bit down on his lower lip, anticipation rising through the pleasurable memory of the last time Hoseok had tasted him with his tongue.

“I have to test your flexibility a little bit.” Hoseok licked his lips and lifted his thighs, bending him, so that the other man was able to lick over his entrance.

He hissed at the sensation and relaxed his muscles as much as he could, feeling how his entrance contracted a few times due to the hot air that brushed against it with every exhale.

“Fuck,” he cursed and focused on the way Hoseok’s hands felt on his thighs. Hyungwon loved how strong the older man was, bending him easily.

Hoseok was teasing him more this time, licking and watching, spreading his cheeks and blowing hot air against his entrance, kissing and circling his pretty tongue around it, without giving him what he wanted.

It was simply evil, and it didn’t matter how much Hyungwon kept his mouth shut and bit his tongue to not give the older man what he wanted, his body easily betrayed him, quivering repeatedly in addition to his thighs shivering in Hoseok’s grip. Still, he inhaled sharply and kept the air in his lungs, eyes fluttering shut.

Bending him further, Hoseok finally had mercy, pushing his warm tongue inside him repeatedly. It felt so much better than fingers or the slide of a toy.

“Fuck, yes,” he moaned and bit down on his tongue right after to control his vocal outburst. Hoseok had said he wanted him to ask for pleasure without thinking about it, but Hyungwon didn’t want to be that easy, not just like that.

“I like how you keep quiet, but twitch at every lick,” Hoseok murmured, blowing cold air against his entrance before blessing him with his hot tongue again.

“You’ll have to,” Hyungwon paused to not replace his next words by a moan accidentally, “try harder to make me scream.”

“It's funny, I just want you to feel good, but you act as if I'm trying to get some award for my ego. I can stop if you don't enjoy it, there's no point.” The other man placed a warm kiss against him and eased his lower body down, concentrating on trailing the line of his inner thigh instead. “Let me please you like this, if you like it more.” Hoseok's lips closed around his tip and sucked harshly, before licking at the connection of head and shaft.

“Shit, I love both, I love both,” Hyungwon moaned and lifted his head a few centimeters into the air just to hit it against the pillow right after, breathing heavily and feeling his thighs shake. “Please taste me more, fuck.”

Hoseok was fast, bending him over again and immediately using his tongue to slide in and out of his body smoothly. He didn't need any strength to keep himself up as Hoseok did the job, curling both hands around his thighs and keeping him in place.

“Fuck, yes, more,” Hyungwon groaned, not bothering to hold back and scratching over the leather of Hoseok’s couch, fingers repeatedly attempting to hold on to it, just to slip down. He really wished that he had brought his toy.

The other man's movements got faster, adjusting to the way Hyungwon tried to push against him before Hoseok's tongue left him and the other man let his ass touch the leather again.

“Do you think you could show me the angle? Or would you like to do it yourself?” Hoseok didn't lose time, immediately taking him into his mouth and tightening his lips around him.

“You need- pretty damn long fingers for that,” Hyungwon muttered, voice barely remaining even with the sudden sparks of pleasure that Hoseok evoked in him. “I can- I can do it myself and you- fuck.”

“Okay, do it however you like it.” Hoseok didn't wait for a second before basically deepthroating him all the way while massaging his balls, as if he wanted him to come as fast as possible, it was crazy. The pleasure only intensified as he started humming while letting his dick hit the back of his throat, helping out with his tongue as soon as he sucked up.

Hyungwon wasn’t able to say anything as loud moans spilled from his throat and his fingers tightened further in the armrest of the couch, unable to let go. He wasn’t able to do anything apart from transforming into a moaning mess below the older man, responding to each of his ministrations with his lips parted and eyes wide.

The pleasure tightened in his groin and Hoseok set it free by tightening his lips around him and sliding all the way down, letting him come down his throat and swallowing around him until it was over.

“Fucking hell,” Hyungwon cursed and threw his right forearm over his eyes, breathing heavily and attempting to recover from the shivers that passed through his legs repeatedly, body convulsing around nothing and thighs tingling where Hoseok’s hands were holding them. It seemed like the older man took the little bit of endurance Hyungwon had built up over the years and melted it into a useless puddle.

The warmth left him and Hoseok placed a short kiss on his lips standing up right after.

“Let's go to bed, it's late.” The other man smiled and disappeared in the direction of the bathroom.

_He just- goes like that?_

Hyungwon sat up almost instantly and cursed himself for a few seconds for always curving his spine whenever he felt good, creating a light ache in his back as he climbed off the couch.

“Don’t just leave me there like that!” he exclaimed and ripped the door to the bathroom open, following Hoseok as soon as his legs remembered how to walk.

“I didn't ‘leave you’,” the black-haired man remarked while squeezing toothpaste on top of his brush and putting it into his mouth.

“Well, since when does sex end so one-sided?” Hyungwon murmured under his breath, a little weirded out by the fact that the older man just moved on like he hadn’t just sucked Hyungwon off for minutes without a single touch to his own gorgeous dick.

“Sometimes it does.” Hoseok brushed his teeth furiously and spat the rest of the toothpaste into the sink, placing Hyungwon's toothbrush into his hand and walking out.

_Is he running away from you?_

Hyungwon grabbed the toothbrush and took care of his teeth as quickly as he could, spitting everything into the sink and washing over it with his hand briefly to not leave it all messy.

Rushing to the bedroom, he found the room in complete darkness, only being able to guess Hoseok's silhouette was somewhere on the bed.

“Hoseok, are you okay?” Hyungwon whispered into the room, freezing at the entrance and realizing that darkness rarely meant that the older man was feeling okay.

_He probably doesn’t want you to see his face._

“Mhm. Let's sleep, I'll turn your small light on, “ Hoseok whispered, fumbling with something before he saw the small moon light up on the right side of the bed.

Hyungwon felt himself release the strained breath he had been holding, panic returning to the back of his head and muscles finally unclenching and allowing him to let go of the door handle. He couldn’t tell how the older man was feeling, something was off. He didn’t know what it was, but it worried him.

Coming closer, he crawled on top of the silk sheets and slipped under the blanket, instantly curling his limbs around the older man.

“Hoseok, are you upset because I didn’t let you do it?”

It was quiet, only his and the other man's breaths sounding in the dark room.

“I shouldn't be upset, it's your body and you know it best. Let's just sleep.”

_He’s upset._

“But I agreed before, I said that you could try, but in the end, I told you not to,” Hyungwon whispered and remembered his own words, something he had apparently forgotten easily when the older man had already begun getting him off. “I think I just played my usual program. Even when I feel pleasure my brain puts this gigantic red light there automatically, I didn’t even think about it. You can try, I swear, I just need to have a little bit of brain mass left to be aware of it I guess.”

There was no answer and no movement from Hoseok's side, only quiet, regular breaths that filled out the room while the other man lay on the bed, back turned towards him, hiding his face even in his sleep.

It hurt but Hyungwon tried not to react to it, to remember that the black-haired man had been tired but still decided to meet up with him. Hoseok didn’t have to but he had wanted to, even using his barely present strength to get him off.

_Just to have you tell him he’s not allowed to touch you like that, fuck._

Tired was an understatement. Hyungwon had seen ‘tired’ before, it usually included dark circles under the eyes, pale, almost greenish skin and smiling for no reason.

Hoseok hadn’t been tired, he was dancing on the border between ‘unhealthy’ and ‘dead’ and Hyungwon wouldn’t have been able to tell, had the older man not given up on controlling his speech, face and bodily motions altogether, openly telling him about his father and the reasons for working  way more than he usually did.

_He is working three times as hard because of you and he is hiding his emotions again because of you._

Hyungwon had wanted to make the older man feel better but only made him close up instead, return to the life of lies he was talking about, pretending to be okay even though he wasn’t.

His lower lip trembled, and he bit down on it to make it stop. He had no right to lie in bed and feel wrongly treated while Hoseok sacrificed so much time and energy for him.

_And money, he’s suffering right now because of what he gave you._

The same feeling of helplessness returned, the impression that it didn’t matter what he said or did, Hoseok would still not open up, share his problems with him and let him help to solve them. It didn’t even matter if Hyungwon was able to help, he just wanted to be able to share the burden of knowing and carrying the worries at least, to give affection and moral support if there was nothing else that he could offer.

_This is exactly the reason you didn’t want to date. You can only offer affection, but it doesn’t give him anything, does it?_

Chewing on his lower lip, Hyungwon turned around and curled his body around the older man’s, hoping that it was okay, even if he wasn’t awake to allow him to do it. Staring at nothing in particular, Hyungwon held his breath to suppress his typical emotional response.

He had to solve it, to settle whatever had happened, but how was he supposed to do that if they didn’t talk about it?

It was the only method he knew.

_

 

Insomnia was a bitch and loved to pay a visit when Hyungwon needed it the least.

He couldn’t remember when he finally managed to fall asleep, hugging the older man's waist tightly while attempting to slip out of consciousness, but it must have been way past 4AM.

When his alarm rang, not as loud as usual but enough to hear it all the way from his jeans pocket in the living room, he felt like shit. Like half-digested and spat out porridge.

_Abandoned porridge._

It was a pointless thought because he knew that the older man would be at work already. It was 7AM after all.

Sighing loudly, Hyungwon got up from the bed, still in his birthday suit and called his mom. It was the safest course of action and the only one, apart from disturbing Hoseok at work, that was likely to make him feel better.

“I fucked up, mom,” he murmured as soon as the call was connected while slipping his leg into his ripped jeans.

“Mhm? It's 7AM, you couldn't have done all that much,” his mother's morning voice replied on the other end of the line.

“Hoseok wanted to finger me yesterday and I said yes, but then I just played the usual program and upset him, pretending to be invincible and all. But we didn't talk, and he just went to bed, so I don't know if we're okay, fuck.” He spoke quickly while pulling his shirt over his head and stomping over to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

“Wow, that's some not safe for work start on a Wednesday morning.” She cleared her throat and he heard shuffling noises. “I mean, I don't know him, so I have no idea what kind of things upset him. I can just say that nice people usually like to make others feel good in a lot of different ways. He might have been disappointed if you didn't let him. But if you don't like it, you have to tell him, Hyungwon. There's no point in letting him do something you don't enjoy, he has to deal with it. It's absolutely fine to say no, if you don't enjoy it.”

“I just don't want him to be upset. There are so many things going on for him. Maybe I'll just pop by his office in my lunch break.” He sighed and brushed his teeth quickly in the time his mother prepared to reply.

“Talking is always the best solution, but there are people who are not used to talking things out, so you have to consider that, and he might not have resources if he is under a lot of stress. But I'd still suggest that you try to clear it up, tell me how it went, baby.” He could basically see his mother's smile through the phone before she hung up.

_Talk to him, Hyungwon, and be genuine._

_

 

His heart was beating so hard that his ears felt like they were on fire, even though he had stood in front of the neatly designed architectural bureau before.

_But back then you didn't have to solve relationship issues._

He bought chocolate because chocolate was always good and a multifruit bar for Tae because he remembered how the cheerful man had once spent ten minutes explaining the benefits of a fruit bar to him.

In addition, he was sleep deprived, so maybe that made the whole thing a little easier.

Breathing in, he pressed down the door handle and walked into the spacious offices, instantly feeling a little more at ease because of the gorgeous light.

Taehyung was not in sight and he spotted the black-haired man at his desk, staring at the screen intently. He didn't even realize that Hyungwon was there.

_Step one, how to get attention?_

Hyungwon moved closer carefully, to not make too much noise, and slipped behind the older man, covering his eyes with his long fingers, skin warm under his fingertips.

“You're back already? I thought the client was a dick.” Hoseok lifted his hands and placed them on top of his fingers, not letting go. “But thank you, you know exactly what I need right now.” Hoseok purred and leaned back against his chair with his hands holding his long fingers in place.

  _Darkness, he needs darkness._

The older man must have thought that Hyungwon was Taehyung, covering him in darkness with his cool hands. He could vaguely remember that the brown-haired man and he had similar hand shapes.

Hyungwon wanted to be close.

Instead of replying, he stepped around the office chair and climbed on top of Hoseok’s lap, thanking his flexible joints and the fact that the black-haired man couldn't see. Brushing his pierced tongue over the smooth surface of his lips, he leaned in and placed a careful kiss to the familiar curved mouth. It tasted sweet, almost like honey mixed with an unfamiliar herb.

“I thought we agreed that lips are a no-go.” Hoseok removed his hand and stared at him with big eyes, body tensing up under him.

“What are you doing here?”

Hyungwon couldn't quite tell if it was the ‘wah, can't believe you came here’ or the ‘what the fuck are you doing in my office’? He hoped it was the first, but the older man's reaction spoke for the second.

“I wanted to talk and to apologize. I missed you when I woke up today, even though I knew you'd be at work.” Chewing on his cheek, Hyungwon curled his arms around Hoseok’s neck.

“Aren't you tired? Why didn't you sleep more?” Hoseok asked and reached for a small remote on his desk, gesturing towards different glass walls and making them non transparent, however that worked. Most of the tension disappeared instantly as the black-haired man looked up.

_He dislikes to be close in public. It makes sense, anybody could walk in, a potential client even._

“I had to work, but I'm on my lunch break now. I even brought you chocolate.” Hyungwon smiled brightly and waved the bar of black chocolate with chili around. “You like darkness and the chocolate is also dark and you liked the spicy chicken, so I hope you like spicy in general.”

“Thank you, that's really nice of you, I'll try it.” Hoseok smiled, expression not quite reaching his eyes and reached forward, brushing a strand of blonde hair behind his ear.

“All of this wasn't meant to distract from the fact that I'm still sorry though. Let me try to explain myself- when I have sex with guys all of them usually get off on people losing their shit, feeding their awesomeness, but I rarely do.” Hyungwon shifted on the older man's lap and placed a brief kiss on his beautiful mouth. “Just- that's not really true with you, I go crazy when you touch me, so I suppress it to not seem too easy. I know it's dumb, but it happens almost automatically, I'm sorry, Hoseok, I didn't mean to reject you like that. I love it when you taste me with your tongue.”

Hoseok appeared a little shocked but caught himself after a few seconds.

“You don't need to apologize, I don't want to do anything you don't like, but I can only try to read your signs and they tell me you don't, so I just- I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked you, you know yourself best. I'll respect it, I promise.” The older man licked over his lips and looked down.

“You know, no one’s ever rimmed me before, you were the first and I really like it. I'll stop hiding my responses, at least I'll try. I- really don't like fingering though, the angle is really difficult and there isn't enough volume. I'm sorry, but I'm happy with everything else you'd like to do to me, Hoseok. I'm open for experimenting and I fucking love your hands on me, you're the only person that makes me want to follow every fucking word you say.” Hyungwon shifted again to support his words, rolling his hips in a smooth wave of top of Hoseok.

“I'll just do what you tell me to do, then I won't make mistakes and you can enjoy what you're used to,” the other man murmured and looked past him towards the big screen.

“No, because I'm not the only one in this relationship,” Hyungwon breathed out and grabbed Hoseok’s jaw, turning the black-haired man's face towards him. “I want to make you feel good too, lose your senses just like I do when you touch me, “ he whispered and licked into the older man's mouth, hips pressing down instinctively.

“But losing your senses isn't necessarily something good. When I'm controlled I can be more attentive to what you like, so let's keep it like that.” Hoseok suppressed a sound at Hyungwon's ministrations.

“But it's not just about what I like.” Hyungwon licked over Hoseok’s curved mouth one more time before pushing himself backwards and to his knees, big hands easily sliding over Hoseok’s muscular thighs and following the seam of his pants. “And if you want it to be then I like you feeling good.”

If there was something Hyungwon had been efficient with then it was opening pants. He made quick work of the button and pulled down the zipper and the briefs, licking over Hoseok’s still mostly soft dick. It had advantages because he could fit everything between his lips at once, which he couldn't say about its erect state. He increased his efforts and sucked harshly, letting his long fingers slip under Hoseok’s shirt in the meantime.

“Fuck, what- what are you doing, oh god,” Hoseok moaned and grabbed his hair tightly before letting go after a few seconds.

_Not gone enough then._

Hyungwon lapped at the sensitive tip repeatedly, fucking the slit with the barbell in his tongue until he let go and glanced up.

“Giving myself a treat,” he replied and sunk down as far as he was able to, deepthroating  the older man's length while moaning at the way it felt in his mouth, warm and thick. He wanted Hoseok to see stars and curse more, pull his hair and groan his name.

“You're crazy,” Hoseok groaned and grabbed his hair again, supporting his movements with slight pulls on his strands while spreading his legs more.

It was fucking hot and if being crazy gave Hyungwon the older man moaning and pulling his hair, then he would gladly abandon sanity for good. Swallowing around the warm erection, he let his tongue rub over the sides, stimulating what his throat couldn't take care of. His right hand pulled Hoseok’s pants further down to give him more access while the left caressed the older man's erect nipples, playing with them in a similar rhythm.

“I'm close, fuck, Hyungwon.” Hoseok's muscles tensed against his fingers and the other man pushed his head against his groin, releasing himself down his throat with a loud moan.

It was stunning and arousing at the same time, so fucking arousing that Hyungwon kept the older man as far inside in his throat as possible and swallowed a few times, moaning loudly. Massaging along Hoseok’s pec muscles, he twirled his tongue around the older man's dick. Somehow, he wanted Hoseok to pull him off himself when it got too much.

There was a loud moan and Hoseok pulled him off, using the tight grip on his hair. The other man was breathing heavily and stared down at him, dark eyes eating him up even though he had just orgasmed.

_He’s gorgeous._

Hyungwon’s lips remained parted as he merely stared back, chest rising and falling quickly, mirroring the frequency of the black-haired man’s breaths. Stretching out his tongue, he licked over his plump mouth, a little swollen from the constant friction. His obvious erection was straining against the fabric of his tight jeans, but it wasn’t about him right now.

“Thank you for the treat,” he whispered and followed the outline of Hoseok’s thighs with his hands.

Abruptly, Hoseok pulled up his pants and stood up, pulling him along and lifted his body by grabbing both of his thighs and moving towards the room with the lightbulb. Slamming the door and locking it, Hoseok pressed him against the wall, sinking his teeth into the skin of his neck carefully.

“Holy shit,” Hyungwon muttered and threw his head to the side, baring more of his throat for the other man to nibble on. His arms instantly circled around Hoseok’s neck and pulled the older man closer. He had no fucking idea what they were doing and why the fuck they were doing it at Hoseok’s workplace, but if it meant that the black-haired man was going to fuck him up and pin him to the wall he couldn’t refuse.

“Now I'm going to get my treat, okay?” Hoseok asked, but it sounded more like a fact as the other man pinned him further against the wall with his hips and pulled his shirt over his head, nibbling on his skin until reaching one of his nipples and rolling it between his teeth.

“Feel- free,” Hyungwon forced out, followed by a moan as he threw his head back against the wall, pain passing through him for a few seconds before it faded and only left the sparks of pleasure that the older man’s lips sent right to his groin. Whatever Hoseok wanted to get, he could have it all and more, fuck. “Play with me.”

Hoseok hummed in agreement, caressing his skin with his lips, tongue and teeth, not leaving out his chest, gifting it more attention for obvious reasons. The other man leaned back, letting his feet touch the ground as he pressed something on the wall, covering them in red light and kneeled down in front of him, making quick work of his pants and digging his tongue into the slit of his tip instantly. His strong hands curled around his thighs and pressed him into the wall while Hoseok was sucking on his length.

“Holy fucking shit, Hoseok, you’re driving me mad,” he groaned and threw his head from side to side. The light only added to the intensity of the situation, covering everything in a dark red glow and building his arousal only further. His vision turned blurry once in a while just to sharpen on the way Hoseok’s curved lips closed around his dick. The older man was so fucking thorough, taking every coherent thought and simply tossing it out of the window, like Hyungwon didn’t need it in the first place. His body was burning, and he wanted more, so much more.

“Take everything,” he gasped.

“I don't want to take everything, I just want to take you,” Hoseok groaned before sucking him back into his mouth and deepthroating him repeatedly without giving him any possibility to move, lower body staying pinned against the wall with the other man's strong grip on his thighs.

Hyungwon loved it, he loved it so much that he just ditched all of his usual behaviors and let go, groaning repeatedly while attempting to thrust into Hoseok’s mouth, just to be constrained by the strong hands at his hips. It felt amazing, all of it, the curved lips on his dick and the muscular arms holding him in place.

“Fuck, I love how you hold me, makes me want to be restrained like this all the time, fuck,” he muttered, unaware of what he was even saying as his legs began jerking at the sudden bursts of pleasure, orgasm building up steadily and not allowing him a single coherent thought. “I want you so fucking much, shit.”

“I love how you shiver under my hands, shit, makes me want to fuck you up.” Hoseok’s voice was low and dark, a little rough from taking him, but so incredibly sexy. “Come for me, babe,” The other man purred and took him all the way, swallowing around him and fingers digging into the muscles of his thighs to keep him in place.

_Holy mother of god._

Hyungwon’s vision blurred one last time as the dark red light turned into an undefined red blackness, littered with small spot of white as his whole body convulsed and he released himself into the older man’s mouth, turning boneless right after. It seemed like the black-haired man was a different person, one that felt confident in his skin and was aware of what his hands and lips could do to someone like Hyungwon. Shit.

He wanted to be called babe every fucking day.

Hoseok sucked up and tugged him back into his underwear and jeans. Making sure that he didn't slip down the wall, the other man stood up and pulled him against his muscular chest, holding him close.

Still breathing like he had just run a marathon, Hyungwon curled his limp arms around Hoseok’s neck and buried his face in the fabric of the older man’s shirt.

“I love it when you treat me like this, I mean it.”

“Really?” Hoseok leaned back and stared at him, surprise obvious. “I was just about to apologize for pinning you against the wall and calling you names.”

“Fuck, please don’t apologize,” Hyungwon muttered and shook his head furiously, worried that Hoseok would really stop doing that just because he thought he didn’t like it. “It kind of- gets me going. The kind of going where I just want to climb on top of your desk and beg you to fuck me.”

Hoseok whispered a curse at his words and buried his face in the crook of Hyungwon's neck. “That's how I usually am, only a little- worse? But don't worry, I can hold back pretty well. I can't believe I let you touch me in my office and had you in my mouth in my work room. I'm going crazy.”

“You’re living your best life,” Hyungwon replied and grinned shamelessly. The older man at least got a little more excitement into his daily routine. Getting off hadn’t been his ‘go to strategy’ to fix issues, but apparently it worked wonders with a little bit of extra talking. Maybe he’d leave out the blowjobs while telling his mom how it went.

_But is acting like that the reason for holding back? Does he dislike himself acting that way?_

“The question is- do you enjoy being like that? Let’s call it…’hot as fuck’,” he asked eventually, stroking through Hoseok’s gorgeous black hair.

“I- I do enjoy being like this, but I enjoy it way more if the other person enjoys it too? You know, there are people who really like it when others are very- demanding? Let's say demanding, I always make sure and my previous partner, well, he kind of loved that. A lot. But not everyone is like that and I can understand that, so I'm adjusting. I hope.” Placing a kiss on his lips, Hoseok reached behind him and changed the light back to the bright white.

“I dig it,” Hyungwon replied without an ounce of doubt and pulled the black-haired man against himself, grinning a little. “Will you eat the chocolate I brought? I want to know if you like it, so I can extend my knowledge about my boyfriend.”

“I will, after work but I have an e-mail from my father, fuck,” Hoseok muttered and let go. Walking towards the door, he unlocked it and stepped out.

“Was it Hyungwon's pretty moans? Not that I think you would've made anyone else moan with your faithful personality, but I wanted to make sure. It sounded like fun,” Tae’s voice whined from the outside.

_Well, great that you aren’t awkward._

“It was awesome,” Hyungwon exclaimed with a smirk and made his way towards Hoseok’s desk where he left the multifruit bar. It was fortunate that he got to see the cheerful man as well. “I got you this.” Still grinning, he handed Taehyung the bar and gave him a hug.

“Oh my god, you remembered that I like fruit bars? We don't deserve you, I hope Hoseok gave you his hot, dominant side. It's the best.” The brown-haired man danced towards him and circled his arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.

Glancing around, he saw the muscular man sitting at his desk and typing furiously without paying attention to anything that was happening around him.

“I’m guessing he’s back to work mode,” he murmured and hoped that the email from his dad wasn’t anything too bad. His was also extending his lunch break a little beyond comfort. Walking over to Hoseok and massaging his shoulders a little, he leaned in.

“Is everything okay?” he asked and placed a kiss on the pale cheek.

Hoseok hummed and didn't focus on him, at all.

“He's gone, don't bother, he's trying to deal with his life and it kinda sucks right now,” Taehyung whispered behind him and pulled him away.

Hyungwon didn’t understand anything. Even when he was completely drowning in his sculpting work he was still able to have a decent conversation.

“But- shouldn’t he still be able to talk to me or something,” he murmured and brushed through his hair. Time was running out, but he hated leaving without saying goodbye, and getting some kind of response in return. It reminded him a little bit of that time when Hoseok had just fucked off because of a phone call, forgetting about him in a matter of seconds.

“Is it important to you? More important than his state? Then you can shake him a little.” Taehyung's expression changed into something scary again, similar to the times when the other man had been protective of Hoseok.

_He’s right, Hyungwon. Who the fuck cares about a goodbye if Hoseok is dealing with shit right now?_

“No, his state is more important,” he murmured and closed his arms around Taehyung’s neck, giving the blonde man a hug and remaining in the embrace while he mentally prepared himself to leave. “Please make sure he eats. I’ll go back to work then. Oh, and enjoy the fruit bar.”

“This fruit bar can never be tastier than you. That's what Hoseok would say if he wasn't sleep deprived, stressed and wasn’t scared to open up. Have a nice day, Hyungwon.” Tae kissed his cheek and grinned, waving him goodbye.

Hyungwon couldn’t help the bright smile at the blonde man’s words. He was really grateful that Hoseok had a friend like that.

_But he’s his only friend, isn’t he?_

Hyungwon really hoped that he would be able to change that.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 19th of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was something to you, even if you judged me.”
> 
> “Is it still there? And was it worth it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

He wanted to vomit. He had stared at the email for an hour already, not getting any input from the outside world and feeling like it didn't matter what he did, his father would still find a way to make him miserable.

_And you can't say no._

He didn't know what had been worse, the fact that he had to spend at least a month in one office with Anna, or that he really hated his father.

_Why do you have to do this?_

He didn't know. He just knew that he had to, if he wanted peace. But it didn't feel like peace, not at all, it felt more like a storm and as if his father had placed a spy into his private life, to get all the information on him.

_She's not that bad though._

Anna wasn't, but she was still a snake. And now he had to deal with the woman and work together with her for a reason his father probably made up. Like always.

_Hyungwon. He can't come here and do all those things anymore. You have to be careful._

He really felt like crying, he had been doing so well before, having a peaceful life, no deprecating comments from his father, dating, even though his relationship had been shit, he still had sex and no fears that he would be found out and would have to deal with all the backlash he really didn't want to deal with.

_Why can't he just leave you alone and go take care of the poor girls that he surrounds himself with, this misogynistic pig._

No matter how fast he ran and how far he had come he still never managed to get away from his family.

_

 

There were problems everywhere. He didn't get any sleep because he worked too much, he had told his dad that he couldn't work with Anna because he was working on three projects simultaneously, but he had just told him to get his priorities straight.

_The problem is that they aren't straight. They consist of Hyungwon and living in peace._

He wanted to see the blonde boy, every second, literally every second, he hated work, he hated his father and he hated Anna even though she didn't do anything bad. Yet. He hated his inability to adjust and stop doing things with Hyungwon the same way he had done them with Michal.

_You also don't want it. You actually want to be really close to him, to feel this skin and to make him feel good without him trying to prove a point or you trying to hold back or to overthink everything three times._

But Hyungwon didn't know him, not really and it scared him. He was scared of what could happen if he opened up, what kind of life he would have if he shared his worries and problems, thoughts and sentiments with another person that wasn't Taehyung and whose attitude was so different from his own.

_Will he be able to understand? Can he understand you at all?_

His thoughts were a mess and he simply wanted to see the blonde boy, to hug his slim shoulders and to hear his low voice use words as if he was reading out the urban dictionary.

_You have strange preferences lately._

Shaking his head, he stepped out of his car and walked up to the door, pressing the smashed bell once. It didn't take long before the door opened, and he ran up the stairs, looking forward to squeezing the air out of Hyungwon's lungs and kissing every bit of his skin right after. It was complicated.

Instead of the big brown eyes, he was met with green ones that had a similar size and were complimented by equally full, red lips. Hyungwon's mother didn't have such a small face, so it didn't look as obvious.

“Oh, Hoseok! I'm honored, come in. Hyungwon is not back yet because he had to get some groceries on his way home,” Lena commented casually and pushed a box to the side. The black tank top and sweatpants made her look even younger, just like the daisy tattoos on her collarbones. Hyungwon must've gotten the tattoo ideas from somewhere.

“Hey- uh, Lena. Are you sure that it's okay? I can come back a little later.” He felt rather out of place talking to Hyungwon's mother while the other man wasn't there to help him.

_It's not as if she'll eat you or anything._

“I don't bite, Hoseok. Well, I kind of do, but only with consent, so don't worry! How are you doing? You look tired, coffee?” The blonde woman jumped over another box and pulled a filter out of the kitchen drawer, pouring coffee in and turning on the small machine. “I won't apologize for the coffee machine because it saves my life every day, please appreciate.” She giggled and gestured for him to sit down at the tiny kitchen table.

_She is so different. Wow._

“I'm fine. The coffee is fine too, thank you.” He wondered what Hyungwon's mother did professionally, having all these boxes of stuff and being at home at 1PM instead working in an office or wherever.

“Now that you're here you can tell me why you spent this mass of money on Hyungwon's studio, I tried to understand, but it's simply mental, it's way over the budget or something. I'm pretty sure that you know the value of money and that you aren't rolling in it either, so what was the reason?” Hyungwon's mom poured two spoons of sugar into her coffee and mixed it.

“I'm a big fan of his sculptures and I just wanted to express my gratitude. I'll work a little more this month, so it won't be relevant at all.” He smiled and took a sip of the dark brown liquid.

_She's pretty straightforward._

“I see.” She smiled and leaned back, crossing her legs. “Thank you. Really. He has been working towards his goal for almost four years now and he was finally able to achieve it, thanks to you.”

He was flustered for some reason and really hoped that he didn't blush or anything similarly embarrassing.

_Blushing in front of your boyfriend's mom is a whole new level._

“I- it's okay, It was such an interesting project, so you don't have to thank me, I had a lot of fun.” Gosh, it was really awkward, especially considering the fact that they were kind of close regarding their age but at the same time their roles didn't fit the age difference.

“But- how do you want me to address you? By your name? Or as ‘Hyungwon's mom’? And do you sell something? Because of all these boxes-" he started before Lena suddenly slapped his thigh with her small palm.

_What the heck?_

“Do I look like some middle aged madam to you, Hoseok? My name is Lena, in addition, you and I are not very far apart regarding our age, so don't get scared only because your boyfriend happened to come out of my body. I sell pleasure, well sextoys to be exact - oh that reminds me, I have a present for you, actually for Hyungwon, but you could try it too if the angle fits well,” the blonde woman blabbered and stood up, walking somewhere so that he was able to choke on his coffee without someone watching.

_Holy fuck, what's this mess?_

He didn't have time to cough before Lena came back, holding a small, black satin bag in her right hand.

_Don't open it. Please._

She did, pulling out a dark violet object. The fact that it was a sex toy wasn't even the worst aspect of the situation, the worst was that the thing basically looked like his own erection. It had the same curve, just not as thick.

_Oh no._

“It's amazing, I'm pretty sure Hyungwon will like it, just keep it at home. The material is really nice,” she took his hand and pressed the thing into his palm, grinning brightly.

There were quiet steps before he saw Hyungwon's handsome face in the door frame, smiling like the sun while he was holding the violet model of his own dick in his hand.

_Why? Why, Hoseok?_

“Hi,” he pressed out, slowly lowering his hand and feeling how his face heated up.

“Hoseok! You came over?” the blonde boy exclaimed excitedly and looked like it was Christmas and Hoseok was Santa with a bag of presents. The big brown eyes moved from his face downwards until they settled on the toy in his hand and widened. “Why does that look like it's for me? Mom! I told you not to freak him out.”

Hyungwon rolled his eyes before throwing off his shoes carelessly and running over to Hoseok, ripping the toy out of his hand.

“Sorry, she loves giving my friends toys, pleasure makes one happy and all. How come you came over?”

_But you're not his friend._

“She- said it's for you,” he murmured and took his coffee, gulping down most of it. “You told me that you'd be home in a bit, so I thought I'd visit, but you weren't here yet, so your mom gave me coffee and- this.” He pointed at the artificial dick.

“Honestly, that's kind of amazing, we can keep it at your place and oh my god, it's custom made.” A detailed glance at the toy was obviously sufficient to change Hyungwon's mind from accusatory to grateful as the younger man returned it to Hoseok and turned around to give his mother a tight hug. “I bought the three packages of ice cream you wanted.”

_Did he get your erection custom made? But why? Who does things like that? Maybe he doesn't like real dicks?_

Hoseok simply stared, still keeping his fingers closed around the strange thing, before placing it back into its satin bag.

“Hoseok is a cutie, he should smile more though, his smile is beautiful,” Lena turned to him and winked. He wanted the floor to swallow him. He had never been in situations like this, how could people be so different while living in the same city and speaking the same language?

“It's gorgeous,” Hyungwon muttered and sat down on Hoseok’s lap, curling his arms around him. The blonde boy weighed basically nothing. “I'm so happy you came, oh my god.”

Hoseok didn't know how to behave in a predicament like this, how was he supposed to act? What did people do when they had their boyfriend sitting on their lap while the boyfriend’s mother watched and grinned?

_Damn it._

“Uh, yes, I'm also happy, yeah,” he replied awkwardly, not knowing what to do with himself, his hands and the model of his erect penis in his hand.

“But you're probably busy, so-" he started, looking at the floor.

“You're the busy one,” his boyfriend pointed out, ruining his excuse for good. “And you don't have to hold this.” Hyungwon laughed and took the satin bag from him, placing it on the kitchen table like that was where it belonged.

It was a little cute how the younger man wiggled his long legs, lifting them up because he easily reached the ground, even when sitting on top of Hoseok’s thighs.

“We could share some ice cream, unless mom wants to have it all for herself.” Giggling a little, the blonde boy lifted an eyebrow and threw the blonde woman who was leaning against the stove a questioning look.

“How could I say no if you're so cute,” Lena commented and wiggled her eyebrows, pulling a package of mango ice cream out of the bag Hyungwon had brought before opening the lid and sticking two spoons inside.

“Here, go away, I'll just get sad looking at you two. It's still two hours ‘till Melissa comes and I've seen enough of Hoseok to get a tiny bit jealous.” Pushing the ice cream into Hyungwon's hands, the blonde woman winked at him for no reason and disappeared somewhere.

_Why would she be jealous?_

“What is she talking about?” he asked, finally allowing himself to curl his fingers around Hyungwon's sides.

“Ehm, you're sex on legs and also- I have a teeny tiny confession and I just didn't get to tell you, but the kitchen is right next to mom’s room, so let's go to mine.” The younger man jumped up and grabbed the ice cream with one hand and Hoseok’s wrist with the other, pulling him towards his room while chewing his cheek.

_What confession?_

Hoseok hated confessions, they mostly sucked because it meant that the other person did something he wouldn't like.

“Tell me,” he murmured after letting himself fall on top of the bed.

Chewing on his cheek, Hyungwon climbed on top of him, slim body pressing down on his chest and hips. The younger man entangled their legs.

“Remember when you gave me the pictures on a USB stick? My mom was looking for one and- yeah, she kinda found it. I didn't mean to show her, I swear!”

_Oh god._

“Oh my fucking god, are you telling me your mother saw my dick? And made a toy out of it? Why would you make my erection into a toy, Hyungwon? This is really a little mental, don't you think? I'm trying to understand, I really am, but- what is this even?” He gestured wildly in front of Hyungwon's face, looking to the side, where the other man put the satin bag.

“Wait- what?” Hyungwon's eyes turned the size of saucepans, staring at him in disbelief. “I didn't- why would she make a toy out of your dick? It just has the curve I need to feel good, that's not your dick, Hoseok.” The blonde boy still stared at him in shock and reached for the toy, taking it out of the bag. “She didn't even see you hard, she only knows what I like.”

“Are you kidding me, Hyungwon? Do you want me to show you? Press down on my lap a little more then I'll prove it to you. It's literally the same, even- even the curve is, only that I'm way thicker. Why are we even having this conversation, why do I get my dick as a present from your mother? Oh god,” he exclaimed and pulled his hands under his head, throwing his head back a little to escape Hyungwon's gaze.

There was no sound for a few extended seconds.

“Oh my god,” the blonde boy muttered and cupped his face with both hands before leaning in and kissing his lips. “Oh my god, oh my fucking god. I think I want you to fuck me, Hoseok, shit.”

_He what?_

He sucked in a breath along with saliva and started coughing like crazy. It took about a minute for him to finally stop dying and look into Hyungwon's huge eyes.

“I think you must've smoked the same thing you were smoking when I saw you with the homeless guy on the stairs,” he whispered and lifted his upper body easily, with how light Hyungwon was. “Let's just forget this topic and eat ice cream or whatever.”

“No, I didn't smoke anything, and I can explain. Please take me home, Hoseok,” the younger man whispered and kissed his lips again, limbs curling tighter and tighter around him. “Take me home.”

_He wants to go to your place?_

_He wants to test the toy, doesn't he?_

“Sure,” he sighed and stood up, taking the ice cream and trying to ignore Hyungwon's strange bedroom eyes. It was really weird. Everything had been weird as soon as he had decided to step into the small apartment. “Let's go.”

Hyungwon was fast, disappearing briefly and throwing the ice cream into the fridge brutally, causing Lena to jerk then giggle into her phone. Once the blonde boy returned he didn't even bother to put on his sneakers properly and pulled Hoseok out of the apartment and to his car.

He hadn't taken the toy.

_But why?_

“But what about the toy?” he whispered and turned on the engine, pulling out of his parking spot and wondering what had happened for Hyungwon to suddenly lose it.

He took the fastest way, then pushed the brakes, stopping at the entrance and stepping out of the car.

Hyungwon did the same and must have completely forgotten proper conduct, immediately jumping up and wrapping his long legs around his waist, arms holding tightly to Hoseok’s muscular neck.

“Fuck, carry me,” he muttered and pressed another kiss to Hoseok’s lips, tongue tasting like strawberries.

_Fuck, what if somebody sees?_

He didn't really have time to think about possible consequences, pulling the transponder out of his pocket hurriedly and opening the heavy metal door. He had circled one arm around Hyungwon's waist to support his weight and stumbled into his apartment, kicking his shoes from his feet and attaching his lips to Hyungwon's instantly.

“What's going on? I mean, I missed you too, but I'm still a little freaked out that your mom saw me naked and you have a toy in the form of my genitals,” he murmured into the kiss as Hyungwon curled his limbs further around him.

“I know it's utterly ridiculous and sounds like a bad movie, but I think you're made for me, Hoseok,” the blonde boy gasped and rolled his hips, brushing over Hoseok’s abdomen and entangling his fingers with the strands of his hair. “Will you give me five minutes?” The words were accompanied by another smooth motion, like Hyungwon was more than just impatient.

_He wants to get ready, so you can touch him._

Hoseok got excited, kissing the other man's plump, red lips and carried Hyungwon to the bathroom.

“I'll wait in the bedroom.” Hoseok walked along the long hallway before entering the completely dark bedroom and breathing for half a minute, just to calm down from everything that had happened this day. Grasping the remote, he adjusted the lights in the room, spotting one of his favorite scented candles and lighting it.

He knew that Hyungwon would come out naked, so he took off his clothes, folding them and leaving the neat pile on the chair next to the wardrobe.

The room was covered in a delicious peach scent from the candle. It was perfect.

Lifting the black silk blanket, he slipped under it, only covering his lower body and putting the lube under the pillow, to not be forced to reach for it later.

_If he lets you touch him. Don't expect anything._

A few more minutes passed until he finally heard the barely audible sound of naked feet on his bedroom floor. Long fingers grabbed the edge of the door and Hyungwon appeared in the frame, beautifully naked with a few drops remaining on his body, emphasizing the gorgeous, golden color. The contrast between tattooed skin and almost caramel colored skin was even more obvious in the soft light that Hoseok had chosen.

The younger man's lips were plumper than they had been a few minutes ago, a dark red and stunning on the breathtaking face. Hyungwon was nibbling on the bottom lip while making his way towards the bed, eyes dark and erection obvious between his legs.

“I want you,” he whispered while following Hoseok’s blanket-covered legs with his fingertips, slowly crawling up on top of him, pupils blown. He was absolutely gorgeous, Hoseok didn't know how he could be continually awed by his beauty.

“I want you too, Hyungwon, god, I really want you,” he replied. His voice sounded low as he reached for Hyungwon's arms, stroking upwards to his neck, before going down, caressing his chest.

“I meant it when I said that you are made for me,” the younger man whispered and rolled his hips on top of Hoseok’s lap, drawing circular motions while reaching out to hold onto Hoseok’s shoulders. “I feel so stupid for dismissing the thought before. I want you so fucking much, shit, I feel like I'm going crazy.” The state that Hyungwon's body was in seemed to support his words, precum visible at the tip and obvious pink blush spreading out over his neck and chest.

_You're made for him? You're definitely the opposite of him._

“But-" He wanted to argue, tell him that they were completely different in every possible way, but Hyungwon's movements and his gorgeous eyes sucked him in so much that he didn't want anything besides touching the other man and be touched by him.

“I want to blow your mind, Hyungwon, tell me what you'd like me to do,” he whispered, before leaning in and licking over the blonde boy's bottom lip, parting them and licking into his mouth hungrily.

Hyungwon kissed back immediately, caressing his mouth and meeting his tongue while his slim hips kept up the arousing motions.

Licking over Hoseok’s lips once, the blonde man pushed himself backwards by placing both of his palms on Hoseok’s muscular chest, thereby uncovering his lower body. Hyungwon didn't waste time as he instantly slipped between his thighs and covered his erection with his plump lips, playing with the tip while sucking intently. He kept his behind in the air while doing so, like the blonde didn't want to have too much friction while pleasing him.

Hoseok moaned, slipping his fingers into Hyungwon's gorgeous, blonde hair that was still wet from the shower and pulling a little.

“Your lips, they feel amazing.” Groaning, he thrust upwards automatically, feeling how arousal built up steadily and tingled along his legs.

Hyungwon sucked harshly and bobbed his head a few times, letting the tip of his erection hit the back of the younger man's throat. It felt amazing, tightness increasing as the blonde swallowed a few times until the pleasure suddenly disappeared and Hyungwon let him leave his gorgeous mouth, looking up at him.

The blonde man's tongue was still lazily dipping into his slit, circling and teasing it with his tongue piercing.

“Let me touch you too, Hyungwon. I want to f- can I taste you?” he asked, almost cursing and asking to fuck the other man with his tongue, like a rude bastard.

Hyungwon stared at him for a few moments until he simply climbed up his body, stopping with his thighs right next to Hoseok’s shoulders.

“I want you to fuck me with your tongue, Hoseok,” he gasped and Hoseok could almost feel the blonde boy shiver in anticipation, dick twitching right in front of him. “Can I sit on your face?”

_Yes._

“Fuck, yes, do it,” he heard himself say and curled his fingers around Hyungwon's lean thighs, pulling him towards his face and licking his lips in anticipation. As soon as Hyungwon was in the right position, he pushed the other man's hips towards his mouth, licking over his entrance and teasing him with circling motions in addition to the hot air that he blew against him.

He could hear how the younger man grabbed the headboard, moaning loudly and letting his blunt nails scratch along the wood as he attempted to get closer and push his hips further down. It seemed so eager, like Hyungwon had abandoned every thought of holding back.

“Shit, I want to feel it inside me, Hoseok, give it to me,” the blonde man hissed and shifted a little on top of him, as much as Hoseok’s grip allowed him to. Who was Hoseok to say no, if the gorgeous man asked him so nicely. He pushed his tongue into his tight body, kissing around it and letting Hyungwon push his hips down, because it was hot. So incredibly hot.

Hoseok wanted him. A lot.

He sped up, getting even more aroused from Hyungwon's response and hoped that he could get off soon, because he felt how incredibly tight the coil inside his groin felt.

“Your- tongue feels fucking amazing inside me,” Hyungwon moaned and threw his head back, body tensing beautiful and contracting around Hoseok’s tongue, emphasizing how tight the younger man must have felt from the inside. “But I think your dick would feel even better, shit, I want you.”

“Why would you torture me by saying stuff like that? Fuck,” Hoseok moaned at Hyungwon's words, pulling the other man down a little and closing his lips around his leaking length. He needed to make the blonde devil come before he drove him crazy.

“Because I want you to fuck me, Hoseok,” Hyungwon groaned and pushed against the headboard with his flat palms, thereby slipping out from between his lips. “Shit, fuck me, Hoseok.”

_Does he mean it?_

“But I don't have your toy, how do you expect me to fuck you? I want to, god, why did you leave it at home,” he murmured, dick twitching because of the other man's words. Hoseok wanted to have sex with him, he did, so badly but Hyungwon said that he didn't like it.

“Because you have a gorgeous dick,” the younger man gasped and moved back, stroking over his own chest briefly, catching on his right nipple like he was too impatient to help it. Moaning loudly, Hyungwon let himself fall to the sheets and simply spread his legs, lifting them up a little by curling his own arms around his thighs. “I know it sounds utopian, but your dick looks like it can make me see stars, Hoseok, so I want you to prep me a little and be as close to me as possible, all the fucking way.”

_He really wants you._

He swallowed, reaching under the pillow and pulling out the lube. He coated three fingers because that's what the minimum for his size usually had been and crawled between Hyungwon's legs. The other man mentioned not being a fan of fingering, so he closed his lips around the tip of his straight erection and sucked while slipping two fingers inside his tight body, spreading them carefully while paying attention to Hyungwon's pleasure.

The younger man tensed a little, but it must have been at the intrusion as he relaxed right after, moaning at Hoseok’s lips around him.

“Shit, just hurry up, I want to feel you so fucking bad, fuck.” Hyungwon threw his head from side to side and spread his legs wider, visibly forcing his slim and tight body to relax to speed up the process. “Fuck, I want you inside me, to fuck me like you want to.”

Hoseok was going mad, internally, accompanied by a twitch of his erection at every sentence Hyungwon managed to throw his way.

“Be patient, I'm huge, it won't be fun,” he murmured and sucked on Hyungwon's tip harshly, while adding another finger carefully.

“Fuck, I know- and my body always stays so stupidly tight, fuck, but I want to see you feel good and go mad because of the way I feel.” Hyungwon shifted a little and pulled his legs a little further up, moaning repeatedly while twitching in Hoseok’s mouth. “I've never wanted anybody to fuck me, but shit, Hoseok. Please do, I want to feel you, please, fucking please.”

_Fuck._

The begging part got him, and he spread his fingers one last time before removing them and letting Hyungwon's erection slip out of his mouth. He reached for the drawer and pulled out a condom, ripping the package and pulling it over his erection, covering it in lube right after.

“Which position do you need me in?” he asked while breathing heavily.

“Fuck, I don't know, just lift my legs and aim up, shit, please,” Hyungwon muttered desperately and reached for him with his right hand, brushing over his thigh. The blonde boy seemed so desperate, eyes half-lidded and chest rising and falling rapidly. “Please, Hoseok.”

Teeth settled on the younger man's bottom lip as he stared at him and slowly removed his hands from his thighs and carefully arranged them above his head instead. “Please make me feel good.”

_Just hope that you can._

Hoseok nodded and grabbed a pillow, lifting Hyungwon's lower body and placing it under it. Taking both of Hyungwon's long legs over his shoulders, he lined up, faintly remembering how he had held the toy and trying to apply it on himself. After a long exhale, he pushed his lube coated tip against Hyungwon's entrance, while stroking over the other man's left thigh with his free hand.

Hyungwon was breathing heavily and watching him, body relaxing in his hold and pierced tongue licking over his lips repeatedly.

He moved forward carefully, applying pressure until he was able to move further, trying to make the slide as comfortable as possible, paying attention to Hyungwon's breathing he moaned, bridging the last couple of centimeters until their skin touched.

“Fuck,” the younger man groaned and covered his face with his palm, thighs shivered in Hoseok’s hold and tight body squeezing him repeatedly. “You're- wow- fuck.”

_He told you that your dick is a tree._

He banned the thought and gave Hyungwon a little time to adjust, moving a tiny bit, to make it easier. According to his calculations he would have to lift Hyungwon a little further to be able to make him feel good.

“Tell me if you want me to move,” he whispered. Hyungwon was so impossibly tight.

He could feel the gorgeous man clench around him repeatedly, pulling him deeper and relaxing again until Hyungwon finally removed his palm and looked at him, lips parted.

“Fuck me,” he whispered.

He inhaled deeply to suppress a moan and took the other man's butt, lifting it up and moving out half the way. He rolled his hips in a smooth movement, disappearing inside Hyungwon's body with his gaze focused on Hyungwon's face.

The younger man gasped, and his eyes widened briefly, but it must have been the size as the response wasn't comparable to how he had lost it with a toy. Sucking his lower lip into his mouth, Hyungwon lifted his right hand and gestured upwards. “Fuck,” he cursed again.

_You need to hit properly._

Hoseok took Hyungwon's right leg and pulled it further over his shoulder, hereby lifting the other man's body higher and rolling his hips once again in a smooth motion, trying to hit further up.

The change was immediate as the younger man's body contracted around him and he simply screamed, loud enough to echo of the walls.

“Oh my g- Hoseok- fuck- please,” he muttered and threw his head to the side, eyes wide and mouth remaining open. He looked mesmerizing. “Please, do it again, please, fuck.”

The response drove him mad, he repeated the whole thing, pulling out further before sliding into Hyungwon's body a little faster than before, adding a few sensual thrusts in between. The other man felt absolutely amazing, the tightness was overwhelming at first, but Hyungwon relaxed further and it turned breathtaking instead.

“Fuck yes,” the blonde boy screamed and pushed against him, hands digging into the sheets of the bed and heels pushing into the muscles of his back. “Holy shit, fuck me, Hoseok, more, god.”

It definitely sounded as if Hyungwon was enjoying it so he let go, rolling his hips into the tightness and moaning loudly. He tried to hit with a little more force with how Hyungwon pushed back against him, but always made sure to slow down a little bit in between.

“You feel amazing, Your body is driving me crazy, shit,” he moaned.

The blonde boy seemed delirious, screaming repeatedly and throwing his head back and forth while his long fingers fisted the sheets. There was no warning whatsoever as the gorgeous body contracted around him, not letting him go and Hyungwon screamed his name, eyes squeezing shut. It was crazy how the younger man showed all signs of orgasm but didn't release himself between them, merely breathing rapidly and staring at him with his gigantic, almost black eyes.

“Don't stop, please don't stop, Hoseok- fuck,” Hyungwon whimpered and still attempted to push against him, mouth remaining open. He looked stunning with bright blush on his face, blonde hair spreading over the sheets and small drops of sweat on his forehead and chest.

Hoseok had never seen anybody with this kind of reaction. Leaning in, he placed a kiss on Hyungwon's lips.

“Do you want me to go a little faster?” he asked, burying himself deeper in Hyungwon's body.

“Yes, please, anything you want, please- I can't fucking think, shit,” the younger man moaned and let go of the sheets above his head to curl his fingers around Hoseok’s muscular thighs. “Fuck me deep, I fucking love the way you feel all the way inside me, Hoseok.”

Taking Hyungwon's hips, he kept him in place, moving back and sliding into the other man's tight body quickly, moaning at how good it felt. He was going crazy, thinking furiously about a good position.

“Do you want to go on all fours for me, babe?”

“Fuck, yes,” Hyungwon moaned, groaning right after and contracting around Hoseok’s thick erection inside of him. “Fuck me like I know you want to, hold me in place, make me scream.”

He didn't know how it could've escalated from Hyungwon not wanting Hoseok's fingers inside him to begging him to fuck him into oblivion, but it also didn't really matter. He pulled out, lubing up some more, and simply turned Hyungwon like a doll, spreading his legs and lining up.

“Shit,” the younger man gasped and spread his legs further apart to be lower, allowing Hoseok to thrust further down. “I want you, I never wanted anybody like this, fuck. I feel like my body is freezing over unless you're inside me, melting me,fuck.”

He pushed himself in, hissing at the incredible feeling and pulled Hyungwon's legs further apart. His stamina was good for nothing when the blonde man reacted like this. Speeding up his movements, he added a little more force, feeling how Hyungwon's body contracted around him every time he hit the sensitive spot.

“Fuck, Hoseok, I love it.”

It was gorgeous, the way the younger man moaned and screamed repeatedly, falling forward on his elbows because he wasn't able to hold himself up. The slim body continuously met his movements until Hyungwon froze in place and let Hoseok hold his hips in an iron grip, still sliding in and out of him.

It didn't take long until the beautiful blonde man tightened around him, pulling him deeper and released himself on the sheets, Hoseok’s name leaving his lips in form of a scream.

“Shit, fucking shit,” Hyungwon gasped and remained in place, kneeling in front of Hoseok with his head resting on his forearms. “Come for me.”

He moved fast, taking only a few quick thrusts as he let go and orgasmed, burying himself deeper in Hyungwon's body while a loud groan left his lips at the intensity of his release.

“Holy fuck,” he cursed, curling both arms around Hyungwon's waist and pushing him down against the sheets, making sure not to squish him too much.

It was the most intense sexual encounter he had experienced. There was ringing in his ears and he just clutched onto Hyungwon's body tightly, not wanting to let go, ever.

_He said you're made for him._

Maybe his body was.

 

***

 

Hyungwon wasn't able to focus. It felt like somebody had taken his body and poured gasoline all over it before lighting a match smoothly and dropping it right on top, watching it burn.

Just that he enjoyed the burn, basked in it even, much more than he would have believed possible. It felt amazing, too good to be true. Like someone had grabbed his wishful fantasies and turned them into reality with the help of Hoseok’s body.

_He's perfect, he's fucking perfect._

Somehow it was also scary. Sex was supposed to be secondary in a relationship, just a small addition to the intense affection and care that one was supposed to be feeling towards the other person.

_And you feel like he has just proven himself as the one for you. You're being ridiculous, Hyungwon._

He was, but he couldn't help it. His body still trembled with the aftermath of his orgasm and his chest continued to rise and fall frantically, unfitting to how he was curled up in a silk blanket and waiting for Hoseok to return from his shower. Hyungwon just wanted to grab him and attach himself, ride his lap forever and never be without ever again.

_You sound addicted, addicted to sex. That's not what this is supposed to be about._

It wasn't but it felt so fucking meaningful to him. Hyungwon had been convinced that he'd never enjoy the feeling of another man inside of him. The one thing that most of his partners yearned for, but then there was Hoseok, gorgeous, beautiful and able to make him see stars. It almost felt like a set up for a show, giving Hyungwon everything he ever wanted just to take it away and laugh loudly.

_He gave you everything, a studio, beginning fame, appreciation of your art and even pleasure. There has to be a catch._

Hyungwon really hoped that there wasn't.

Hoseok walked into the bedroom and let the black silk robe slide down his pale, muscular shoulders, leaving the piece of clothing on the chair next to his wardrobe and walking towards the bed, naked.

“It's 2PM, I thought you would get dressed. And I still can't believe you let me inside you.” The black-haired man whispered into his ear.

“Me neither,” Hyungwon replied quietly and couldn't help the way his eyes widened, and he continued staring at the older man like he was some kind of demigod. Hoseok wasn't, but it sure as fuck felt like it. “You- it's like you have a magic dick or something equally ridiculous. The dick of fate, I don't even know. I still can't breathe.”

He closed his eyes and tried to suppress the wish to just jump on top of Hoseok and ride him, slide down his thick erection and forget himself. It was crazy.

“You must be severely confused, but you surely are sensitive, your reaction was the most intense I've ever experienced. Gorgeous, you're gorgeous.” Hoseok curled his arms around him and pulled him into his strong embrace.

Hyungwon tried hard not to sport a boner, he really did. Curling up a little more and stroking over Hoseok’s muscular arms he hummed.

“I sure as fuck feel good from the inside, I heard that a lot. But I'm not confused, just shaken. No-one ever managed to make me feel good, Hoseok, never, they just don't hit, but you- fuck. I want you to fuck me into the sheets and make me see stars behind my eyelids.”

_Just shut up already._

“But, I've only been out of your body for like ten minutes, aren't you- I don't know, sore? I thought I was huge, you must feel uncomfortable after this. Also, was that the reason why you didn't want sex? Because it wasn't fun, but with me it is? Anyway, I'm afraid I have to go to work and meet this terrible woman to tell her that I won't work with her and come up with a nice story for my dad, so he’ll leave me alone.” Hoseok sighed and buried his head in the crook of his neck, pale, warm body embracing him from the back.

Whatever the older man had just said, it might have made sense without ‘woman’ and ‘for my dad’ in there. The confusion also helped with his rather conflicted libido, transporting him back a few years.

_Also, why would his dad force him to take her?_

“What?” Hyungwon asked and wanted to turn around until he remembered that Hoseok didn't like his expressions to be easily readable. Instead he just hugged his own waist and thereby the black-haired man's sides. “Why would your dad want a random woman to work for you? Does she need a job?”

“What? No! She's a designer, she doesn't need a job. But my father wants- well, he wants a lot of things, including butting into my business and making me marry by putting her next to me. It's like a bad drama.” Hoseok sighed, placing a soft kiss on his shoulder.

_What is this shitshow?_

“But- even if you're bi it's none of his business who you want to marry. Is he doing it for profit like in a real drama?” he asked and couldn't believe that Hoseok had to deal with something like that. “Or does he just want to make your life hell? Seriously, does the girl even want to do this?”

“Well, I’d never date her oh my god, that's ew, but I'm not bisexual, I'm gay, just that nobody knows, I guess. Anyway, I'm going to sort this out somehow.” Hoseok stood up and picked fresh underwear, slipping into it after showing him his perfectly shaped, muscular butt. He opened the wardrobe and peeked inside.

_He's lying to his parents about his sexuality?_

“Nobody knows?” he asked, surprise audible as he tried to keep himself in check and not jump the older man. “You're gay and your parents think you're straight? How the hell do you fake that? I thought it's rather obvious.”

_Maybe they are conservative, and he would get unnecessary shit for it._

Hyungwon removed the blanket and was just about to stand up as well until a paralyzing pain spread along his spine, widening his eyes and forcing a loud whimper from his lips.

Fuck, it felt like somebody had grabbed his body and impaled it on a fucking flag pole. A pole that was half of his width.

“Shit,” he cursed and finally looked up towards Hoseok. He must have looked stupid, kneeling on the bed and whimpering in pain.

“See? That's why I won't listen to you, your judgement is shit,” Hoseok exclaimed and closed the distance stroking over his back gently. “My father basically blackmailed me after finding clues that I'm gay, because it's not ‘normal’ and he didn't like it, so he said I wasn't allowed to see Tae, because it must've been Tae’s fault. So, I had to tell a story. I don't like it either, but that's why my relationships are difficult usually.”

“But- you're a grown ass man, Hoseok, what could he possibly do to you at this point?” Hyungwon asked and embraced the black-haired man. His touches were so tender, enough to make him want to cuddle up and not go anywhere. “Also, I'll be fine, it's not my first time taking a dick, just the first that was actually worth it.”

“I know right?” Hoseok chuckled, but it sounded really bitter. “You can stay and rest a bit if you like, but I really have to go. You're beautiful even though you behave like a teenager by not thinking about the possible consequences of ‘please fuck me, Hoseok’.” A smile appeared on the pale, handsome face, as the black-haired man kissed him, slowly and without urgency, licking over his lips and parting them for a brief moment.

It felt really nice and calming, like the curved mouth was meant to be pressed against his, relaxing him. It gave Hyungwon the feeling that he had to say something but none of the available words fit. They were either too weak or too strong. The mess of emotions even kept him from slapping Hoseok’s arm for calling him a teenager.

“Even if I was handicapped for a week, it'd still be worth it,” he whispered and kissed back, melting into the tender touch just like he wanted to. “Please tell me if there is something I can do for you. I want to help you somehow.”

“Create one of those gorgeous sculptures. Can't wait to see what you do next.” One last kiss was placed on his nose and Hoseok stood up, getting ready for work. It was strange how the differences became clearer as soon as the other man turned around wearing tight black suit pants and an equally black fitted button down. He styled his hair up and looked like those actors who played the role of the cocky, rich and annoying bastard everybody wants to fuck.

The worst was that Hyungwon happened to be ‘everyone’ in this case.

“I'll do my best,” he murmured and couldn't get rid of the sudden and unfamiliar discomfort in his chest. It felt a little bit like he was caught in the wrong movie, playing the role of the hot lover that got expensive presents and was ten years younger. It was strange.

_Because you're usually not like this, you don't give a single shit and feel happy when you have enough change for a Trdelník on the street._

When the older man turned around, expression unreadable it felt a little like Hoseok had transformed back into snobby Mr. Lee, untouchable and distant. He knew that it probably wasn't the other man's intention, not with the warm smile that he was met with right before Hoseok disappeared. But that was how it felt.

_Your lives are incompatible, aren't they?_

_

 

Blurry puffs of smoke were rising above his head, dissipating in the air and the moon was shining brightly, adding to the perfect calm surrounding him. It was too late for cars, so it was silent and even the weather seemed to play along as it was brisk, but not enough to freeze in a leather jacket.

It felt a little bit like everything was right with the world for a moment.

“I still can’t believe you fucker finally got a studio, feels like my best buddy graduated from being a ‘pretend sculptor’.” Kihyun chuckled at his own words, perfectly aware that they would piss Hyungwon off.

“Go fuck yourself, y’all just jelly that ya don’t have your degree yet and there aren’t enough chicks gettin’ wet when ya sing.” He took another drag and grinned, enjoying the night air on the other man’s balcony. It was probably 2AM, but meeting earlier or later would have been too uncharacteristic for the two of them. It was 2AM or nothin’.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet, Straw, they love me, they just can’t give me all their money ‘cause they are in high school.” Sighing, Kihyun stole his joint and took a deep drag, closing his eyes for a few seconds.

“Ew,” Hyungwon remarked with a grin and brushed through his blonde hair, wondering if it was possible to go through dramatic life changes and be okay throughout. “What cha think, do I seem like someone who could date a successful architect that buys my sculptures and has a humongous dick?”

The brown-haired man turned around and gave him a rather disappointed look, pulling his lips together and giving his chin the walnut look.

“Sounds like you went on a little porn excourse and haven’t found your way back to the real world yet.” After a brief laugh Kihyun’s face turned strangely angry. “Fuckers like that would never give a single shit about people like us, Hyungwon. Don’t you know, it’s like when those rich bastards walk along the street and see beggars, thinking they ruin their pretty little world, but in reality, it’s them, not willing to share and change something about this fucked system. I hate economics, those fuckers go to uni in suits and think they’re better than everyone else.”

“Well, it’s not like they are all like that, guys with money also have problems, just different ones, I guess,” Hyungwon replied and brushed through his hair again, thinking about Hoseok and his complex situation with his family. For Hyungwon it might have seemed easy to solve, namely by not giving a shit and doing whatever, but then again, he wasn’t Hoseok and he had no fucking idea what the older man’s father was like and what their relationship was. If his mother began to influence life in a particular direction he would have probably considered going along with it, simply because he trusted her, and her opinion mattered. Maybe it was something similar?

_You don’t know shit about him and that’s that._

“Spill it,” Kihyun hissed suddenly and squeezed his small but ridiculously manly hands around Hyungwon’s forearm while staring at him with his intense elongated eyes. The only reason for not punching his shoulder was probably the risk of throwing him over the tiny balcony by accident. Hyungwon was definitely not ready to die yet.

“What do ya want me to spill? Tea? You’re short.”

Kihyun slapped his basically non-existent but still decent bicep and rolled his eyes, taking another drag from the joint.

“Your description was either a really bad porn vid or the truth that you turned into something ridiculous, so spill. You crushing on some dude?” Letting go of his arm, the brown-haired man turned towards the sky, exhaling softly.

“I’m dating an architect, guess we’re bonding over sculptures and light and how beautiful human bodies are,” Hyungwon elaborated and almost slapped himself for how dumb that sounded. It was the truth, but it must have sounded weird to everybody that wasn’t them, apart from Tae maybe.

“Is that a metaphor for ‘the sex is amazing’? ‘Cause I can offer your better ones, ‘plug in a socket’ or ‘g inside the treble clef’.” Laughing loudly while almost bending in half the other man appeared to realize that Hyungwon had been absolutely serious, staring at him while chewing on his cheek. “Okay, you’re actually bonding over muscle lines on bodies are you. Thank god, because no matter how often you ask me I am still not going to pose nude for you, like ever.”

“You don’t have to, Ki, he’s perfect,” Hyungwon replied and sighed, contemplating on how to fit their lives together so that the feeling of discomfort disappeared. No matter how many days passed, the thought that something was still a little off remained. He wasn’t quite sure what it was, especially because not fitting together couldn’t be the issue, it had been there before but didn’t disturb him. “But I guess my brain keeps thinkin’ it’s too perfect, like there is a catch I haven’t found yet. I can’t just get everythin’ I ever wanted and there’s no ‘but’ to mess everything up.”

“He only wants you for the sex?”

“Can’t be, only had sex recently but the whole thing been goin’ on for longer than that.”

Kihyun hummed at that, visibly in thought and handed him the joint which he gladly accepted.

“His family hates you? At least that’s what usually happens in those stuck up, rich, conservative families with their ‘too-good-to-be true’ daughters. The sex is great, and they love you, but then suddenly the mother-in-law is moving in and pissing in all of your cups to show you how much she hates you.”

_What?_

“What the fuck? Not gonna happen, he’s thirty,” Hyungwon exclaimed with a laugh and purposefully didn’t mention that Kihyun was probably not _too_ far off. Afterall there was no doubt that Hoseok’s father would hate him if he really believed the older man to be straight.

_You probably ruin the pretty picture, no stable income, no rich family and a dick._

“Holy shit, do you even have anything to talk about?” The brown-haired man looked a little shocked even though Hyungwon had mentioned it before. For some reason the sight reminded him of the fact that Hoseok had seen the two of them before, smoking a joint on the stairs not too far from the inner city when Hoseok had driven past them, telling them to go home already, calling them kids.

_Now, he wouldn’t think the same about you, or would he?_

Somehow it felt a little bit like they didn’t know each other's worlds. Hyungwon had no fucking idea what Hoseok did when he was not at work, in his apartment eating sushi or buying a sculpture. At the same time the black-haired man had no fucking idea what he was doing when he wasn’t selling jeans, delivering sushi or mixing drinks. Well, and sculpting maybe, but Hoseok had never seen him do it, just the finished product like the marble statue of the older man’s vulnerability that was now located in his bedroom.

Hyungwon was currently working on a present for Hoseok, a piece created from a rose marble block because it fit his skin color a little better. It was supposed to be a personal expression, something that he could express better with his body than through words. It seemed like Hoseok would understand it better that way.

“We do, as I said- light and sculptures mostly, family matters too, even though that tends to make us argue. Our opinions differ quite a bit, but I also learned that not every guy in designer clothes is rich as fuck, it’s more about priorities I guess.”

“If you can afford designer clothes you’re rich as fuck, Hyungwon. There is absolutely nothing in this world that makes it necessary to wear designer clothes and if you do it means you’re a rich prick, unaware of where to put your money apart from a pair of underwear that a fucking designer peed on,” Kihyun spat and let himself fall on the white camp-chair, taking up approximately one third of the balcony.

“But maybe those people decided not to buy anything else, or maybe they just learned that you’re worthless if you don’t have a designer watch or something equally stupid, so they don’t eat to afford it.” Hyungwon really tried to show a different side, but he doubted that Hoseok starved to wear those fancy black briefs of his. “Maybe they also worked for it for a really long time to be able to achieve it.”

“Yeah and that’s the difference.” Kihyun turned towards him and pulled his lips together in distaste. “The two of us can work as much as we want, without the background and the support we won’t reach even half of that shit. Do you get me? It just doesn’t happen. A guy like that could be dumb as fuck, take eight fucking years to finish university and then get a job with his uncle and still earn more than I ever will. It’s unfair.”

Hyungwon didn’t really know what to say. There wasn’t really anything he could have said to argue against his friend’s opinion. Kihyun had always been a fighter for the poor, upset about the rich and the number of fucks they gave about the less fortunate, namely none. But Hyungwon didn’t really feel like Hoseok was like that, at least he didn’t believe the older man to be someone who had only received without working for it.

_His parents were mostly the reason for working a lot, ditching him for doing what he wants._

“People are different, Kihyun,” he muttered eventually and leaned over the railing, glancing down to the empty street, covered with cracks and smaller potholes because no one really bothered to take care of them, at least not in this neighborhood.

“Yeah, but for some reason we are always the ones to suffer.”

Hyungwon hummed and sucked his lower lip into his mouth, feeling how the sensation of discomfort only got worse instead of disappearing.

_Maybe it’s not just you who won’t fit into his world, maybe he won’t fit into yours either._

_

 

Standing in front of the familiar office, Hyungwon realized the same thing he had thought about for the past days, namely that Hoseok’s and his worlds were ridiculously different. He hadn’t really cared before, at least not much, but now that he was being immersed in it he realized more and more how he stood out.

The way the guy in a tailored suit had looked at him as soon as he walked the first two steps up to the entrance already told him that he wasn't welcome in the area just because he liked to use his body as a canvas. It was ridiculous and pissed him off because people weren’t tolerant even though they knew absolutely nothing about him.

_Probably your clothes too, Hoseok also always stared whenever you visited. He even insulted your shoes even though they were new._

Remembering his mom’s words, Hyungwon pressed down the handle and entered the office.

_She said that things look different in your head the longer you are alone, so go and meet him to figure it out._

Hoseok had been leaning over Tae’s big desk and explaining something to a slim woman in a suit, gesturing at a sketch. He didn't notice that he came in, obviously in some kind of flow with how fast he spoke.

_Is that the woman his dad sent?_

Hyungwon didn't know why that was his first thought, especially since the woman could have been a client too, but the brain was a crazy place.

To not interrupt in case it was a work talk, Hyungwon stepped a little closer and leaned against a nearby wall, wondering where Tae was and why Hoseok and the woman were next to his desk.

Suddenly he felt Hoseok's gaze as the black- haired man turned towards him.

“Hyungwon, what- are you doing here?” he asked visibly surprised. The dark-haired woman also turned towards him and smiled.

“Paying a visit,” he replied and plastered a smile on his face, the hot one he used for work. Somehow it felt like ‘popping by’ wasn't really appropriate for the situation, despite the fancily dressed person smiling at him.

Hyungwon had already adapted his way of talking a lot to be more understandable for the older man, like he did for work. He didn't do it with his friends.

_Because they don't mind._

“I brought you food,” he pointed out and lifted the bag with ridiculously expensive sushi.

“Oh, that’s so nice! Is it your intern?” The girl asked, glancing at Hoseok briefly before stretching out her small hand. “I’m Anna, nice to meet you.”

“No, he’s an artist and a close friend,” Hoseok murmured, visibly uncomfortable with the situation.

“Oh, I’m sorry, you look very young, that’s why I assumed.” Shaking his hand, the woman named Anna smiled brightly.

“Nice to meet you, Anna, I’m Hyungwon,” he replied politely and felt stupid. It felt strange to have Hoseok call him a close friend after basically drilling him into the sheets a few days ago. “I sculpt.”

It felt better to add some truth, especially since telling the pretty woman that he was indeed young would probably make Hoseok even more uncomfortable.

_Just like the fact that you're his boyfriend._

“He made the sculpture that you wanted to steal from me,” Hoseok commented and took the plastic bag while licking his lips and staring at him. Why was he so obvious if he had been the one to hide that they’re dating?

“Oh really? Do you have more? I would really love to buy one for my office, but Hoseok said that it’s basically impossible to get one.” Anna brushed a strand of hair behind her small ear and gestured at the meeting room where he could see a bit of his sculpture.

“Depends on what you want. Since you know Hoseok I might make an exception,” Hyungwon bullshitted with a grin and placed his scrawny butt on top of Taehyung’s desk. “I could make one of you if you don't mind modelling.”

_Are you trying to see how open-minded she really is? Why?_

Hoseok’s eyes widened comically and he started shaking his head.

“I don’t think so, Anna, could you get me a plate from the kitchen?” Hoseok turned the woman around while grabbing her by the shoulders and pushed her in the direction of the kitchen.

“Model? You mean you could make a sculpture out of my body? But I don’t know if I would put it in my office, I’d rather take a male one,” Anna shouted while rummaging in the cupboards.

“Are you crazy?” Hoseok hissed at him, leaning over after making sure that the woman still searched for the plate.

“No, just offering a personalized sculpture since you seem close, on first name basis and all,” Hyungwon remarked nonchalantly and pulled himself further on top of the desk, showing off the deep rips on his tattooed inner thighs. Secretly he was glad that Anna didn't want to model, because he’d only done female bodies once or twice, to develop his skill.

“We’re not close, she’s a snake and she’s way too curious, fuck my life,” Hoseok cursed quietly and turned around, as the sounds from the kitchen disappeared.

_You were right, she's that woman._

“But you could make one of Hoseok. He has a nice body. It's better than his personality.” Placing the plate on the table, the brunette woman grinned playfully.

“Sorry, I tried to convince him, but he doesn't trust me enough,” Hyungwon lied smoothly and brushed through his blonde hair. It was only a partial lie. “Tell me the material and what you want it to express and I'll see what I can do.”

“Honestly? You’re the artist. I’ll take what you offer. But yeah, Hoseok is a little-” Grinning, she turned towards the black-haired man and slapped his shoulder lightly. “A little shy.”

Shy? Hyungwon couldn't help a chuckle. The older man was only shy around people he didn't really know and apparently Anna belonged to that group.

The muscular man lifted both hands and started massaging his temples.

“Just eat, I’ll finish up the 3D design in the meantime.” Turning around, Hoseok simply closed the distance to his desk and sat down, clicking furiously.

“Maybe he is, I wouldn't know, I just sculpt and bring sushi,” Hyungwon remarked and unpacked the sushi, placing it next to the absolutely unnecessary plate. Somehow, he wanted to see Tae, the blonde man would have been able to make him feel comfortable. “Where is Tae?”

“I think he ran away because he doesn’t like me.” Anna sat down on a chair and took a maki with the prepared chopsticks, placing it into her mouth carefully.

“He’s not alone,” Hoseok murmured from his desk. “Just take the sketch and do it yourself.”

_He hates her, doesn't he?_

Hyungwon couldn't help but feel bad about making the pretty woman stay longer, Hoseok looked like he just wanted to disappear.

“But will you be okay? _Your dad_ said that it’s important to him,” the woman answered after chewing thoroughly and making sure she had no food in her mouth before talking. It seemed stuck up.

“It’s not. He just wants to terrorize me by using you, which works perfectly, so take the sketch and let’s stay Facebook friends.” Something must’ve happened, as Anna stood up, went over to Hoseok and almost pushed him from the chair.

“If you don’t behave I’m going to spill everything I know about you, let’s see how that goes, Einstein. You better be nice to me, or I’ll tell your mom too.” The last threat must’ve been ridiculously effective as Hoseok turned around and basically head locked the girl, hissing something into her ear. Anna must’ve done something as Hoseok let go instantly, bending in half. Hyungwon almost winced at the sight.

_They are close enough for physical abuse._

“Anyway, your sculptures are rad, Hyungwon. I can’t believe Lee Hoseok here has friends like you. I thought Tae was the only exception.” The woman seemed much younger suddenly, especially with the way she talked and smiled.

“What does ‘like you’ mean?” he asked back and got a little more comfortable on Taehyung’s desk, spreading his legs. “Without a stick up their ass?”

“Yeah, he’s not quite the people magnet, is he?” Anna grinned and returned to the sushi, taking a nigiri with her fingers and placing it into her mouth while throwing Hoseok angry glances. Her pretending game was no joke. “Well, either way, we might see each other more often, Hyungwon. Do you have a girlfriend?”

“Nope,” he replied since it was the truth. The girl was indeed curious and pushed him into his bartender mode, all teasing and no real information. “Also, I don't think it matters how many peeps ya have around yourself as long as they're good ones.”

“True. But I think it does reflect your decency as a human being. Do you know decent human behavior, Hoseok?” Anna turned towards his boyfriend, but the black-haired man just stood up and closed the distance, leaning down and whispering something in Anna’s ear before pointing at the door.

_He fucking hates her._

“Fine. I have to go now because the sketch Hoseok made is shit and needs revising but see you around.” Stuffing another nigiri into her curved mouth, Anna shook invisible dust from her suit pants and waved at him before leaving.

_Bullshit._

“Who the flying fuck is that and why would she kick you in the dick?” Hyungwon asked as soon as she was gone and grabbed Hoseok’s wrist, pulling the older man between his legs, still spread on Taehyung’s work desk.

“The creature that came to life to make me miserable. Fuck my life,” Hoseok sighed and buried his face in the crook of his neck after looking around in panic.

He's hiding you like a terrible secret.

Hyungwon kissed the top of the black-haired man's head and embraced him tightly, enjoying the closeness that he had spent fifteen minutes waiting for.

“What does it give her? It makes no sense whatsoever, what does she know that she could tell your dad?”

“We have known each other for a long time. My dad really likes her.” Hoseok looked uncomfortable with how he didn't want to look up. Some time passed, until he finally did, staring at him for a few seconds while chewing on his lips. He looked nervous.

“She's my sister. My half-sister.”

“Oh, you don't really look alike. Did your mom or dad have a family before you? Or are they divorced now? She looks younger,” Hyungwon replied and stroked over Hoseok’s hair repeatedly, wondering why the older man felt so uncomfortable. Kihyun had two half-sisters and one adoptive sister and that fucker didn’t like any of them.

Sighing again, Hoseok looked to the ceiling briefly, fingers tightening in Hyungwon's sides.

“She's 23. My dad is not the faithful type. My mom doesn't know about it and I also don't want her to know. It'd break her heart.”

_Oh._

That was a slightly different story than Hyungwon had expected. He hummed in agreement and lifted Hoseok’s face, pressing a kiss to his lips.

“But- wouldn't it be important for your mom to know? Aren't you- doing to her what I did to you when Michal was cheating?” he whispered and swallowed audibly. It was a similar story, not saying anything to keep someone from getting hurt even though they might be better off without knowing the truth.

“I'm not part of their relationship. Anyway, she is a designer because she was allowed to do what she liked, not being part of the ‘official’ family. She also doesn't know about my sexuality or my relationships. Usually she's not as bad, sure, she's a snake, but I guess she got angry at me saying we should stay Facebook friends, because that's how an ex-boyfriend broke up with her.” Hoseok chuckled suddenly and it sounded nasty. “No-one knows that besides Tae, you're the first one I've told about her.”

“You sound like the two of you fight a lot,” Hyungwon remarked and swallowed down the need to tell Hoseok that he was a hypocrite, using the same excuse Hyungwon did to not tell his mother she was being cheated on.

_You also weren't part of the relationship, not at the beginning and not ever._

“So you want to keep secrets from her because she'll use it against you? Doesn't she have anything better to do, like- earn money and become happy in life with a boyfriend or whatever.”

“We fight because she thinks that I have all the good things, even though she's the one who was able to do what she wanted, getting money from my dad for everything without having to comply, whereas I had to study a program I didn't want and had to give up on so many things while having my dad terrorize me. Anyway, she just came back from Germany and we haven't seen each other for two years or something, which was okay, but now my dad wants to play family, or he trusts her more, or I don't even know. I don't even want to have anything to do with my family, fuck, I just want to date you in peace and hold hands outside and not give a single shit about who looks at me or who could tell my father, I'm tired, I don't want this.” Hoseok's voice broke suddenly and he hugged Hyungwon's waist tightly, burying his face in his bony shoulder.

_He really suffers because of this._

Hyungwon's eyes widened and he hugged back, narrowing his legs around Hoseok’s hips to increase the contact. The black-haired man seemed so desperate, it was difficult to understand.

“But what's stopping you, Hoseok? What happens if he finds out?” he asked carefully while reminding himself of his mother's words. He didn't know Anna, the girl could be having a hard life too despite money, just like Hoseok. Maybe the two of them just didn't know anything. After all, her mother must have been miserable if she genuinely liked Hoseok’s dad. Hyungwon didn't want to judge her without knowing anything. Maybe it was also because he sympathized a little even if their situations were still different.

“Don't know. I definitely won't get a sex toy as a present.” The black haired man chuckled and pressed a kiss against his neck, warm air hitting his skin. “But I should try I guess.”

“You should! You're not dependent on him anymore, you're not sixteen, Hoseok,” Hyungwon pointed out and couldn't suppress a shudder at the sensation on his neck. His libido was still a bitch, hitting him with something as simple as a thought of Hoseok’s naked body. It was almost embarrassing. “And my mom can give you a sex toy instead and bake dick cookies. It'll be amazing and gay. Melissa can join too.”

“Who is Melissa? Ah, I wanted to ask you something. Do you have a dad? I mean- did you only grow up with your mom? You seem so free, as if there's nothing you can't do, I really admire that. And I want to see how you sculpt.” Hoseok trailed his jaw with his lips until he arrived at his mouth, placing a soft kiss against it.

Hyungwon was a little surprised by all the sudden questions, gasping at the lips against his jaw until he was finally blessed with a kiss, soft and tender and so unfitting to his response to it.

“Melissa is my mom's girlfriend, she's cool and comes by once in a while. I technically do have a dad, somewhere in Korea, but I don't know him, so it's just mom and me since I was born. I'm only free because I don't give a shit about assholes, you should try it sometime, Hoseok.” Grinning, Hyungwon rolled his hips forward while holding onto the older man so he couldn't escape, enjoying the proximity. “Also, you're a tease. Don't force me to climb on your desk and beg you to fuck me with your tongue.”

“Ah, so she's into women. But you do give a shit about assholes, you gave a shit about me. From the start-" Hoseok started but registered his last words and sunk his fingers into his waist. “What? I'm literally not doing anything! You don't even know what teasing is.”

“My brain is very creative, okay? If I become famous for a collection named ‘male-male kamasutra’ it will be your fault!” Hyungwon licked over his lips and shifted a little, thinking about Hoseok’s previous words. There was some truth to it, because he never considered anybody an asshole from the start, at least he tried not to. “I gave a shit because my mom taught me to never write off anybody without really knowing them. There was something to you, even if you judged me.”

“Is it still there? And was it worth it?” Hoseok suddenly asked, leaning back and staring at his face with his dark brown eyes that widened a little, similar to when the other man got emotionally overwhelmed.

Hyungwon smiled brightly and removed some black strands from Hoseok’s forehead. He wanted to see the whole expression, every nuance that it contained.

_Because there is always a little bit of vulnerability to him, not the amount he showed you back then, in his bedroom, but just a tiny hint, a switch in stance, a motion of the eyebrows._

“Yeah, it's still there,” he whispered and pressed another kiss to Hoseok’s curved mouth, so hot against his own. “It's more than worth it, Hoseok.”

The curved mouth corners rose a little, hinting of a smile, as Hoseok's gaze jumped from his mouth to his eyes, staring intently as if the older man tried to find something.

“I- I love you, Hyungwon,” he whispered, immediately closing his eyes and leaning forward until their lips touched.

Hyungwon's eyes widened and he kissed back, licking into Hoseok’s mouth and curling his limbs around the older man. He didn’t expect a confession, not just like that, out of nowhere. He wasn't sure how to reply and was thankful for the kiss, hoping it expressed his emotions towards the older man sufficiently.

Did he love him? He wasn't sure yet, it felt a little heavy for the warmth and calmness in his chest. He only knew that Hoseok was the person he cared about the most and wanted to be with.

_Maybe that's what it feels like, Hyungwon._

Smiling, he licked over Hoseok’s bottom lip and leaned back, heartbeat quickening after their passionate kiss.

“What does it feel like, Hoseok?”

“Hard to tell, as if you're darkness and light at the same time, that kind of feeling. You're special, special to me, even though you're everything that I'm not,” the black-haired man whispered. His gaze was full of emotion, so tender, as if Hyungwon was indeed extraordinary.

He couldn't do anything apart from staring back, it seemed like the older man agreed that they were different, but it was somehow okay.

_Maybe you're the only one who's worried about this._

“I see the snake is gone and you let your guard down.” Taehyung appeared out of nowhere and embraced them both as if they weren't in the middle of an intimate confession. It was cute, like a child that wanted to be included.

Hyungwon laughed loudly, amazed by Taehyung’s lack of conduct and appropriate timing.

“We love you too, Tae, you're great, don't be lonely,” he commented with a grin and gave the blonde man's shoulder a few friendly taps. “You call her snake too? What is this inverse popularity?”

“Nah, it's just her nickname because she bites and is vicious. She really bit me once though, after I told her that there would be no man who would agree to stay next to her for longer than five minutes. It is true though, I don't know why she did me dirty like this.” Tae took off his shoes for no reason and waddled like a duck towards the sushi, taking a huge maki and stuffing it into his mouth, talking right after, so it was not possible to understand what he said.

“But you bit back, and she doesn't do it anymore. I just want her to keep drawing her stupid chairs and leave me alone. She's okay if she stays away from me.” Hoseok placed another kiss on his lips and leaned back.

“Seems like both of you hate each other a little,” Hyungwon remarked and shrugged, happy that the sushi he brought was being eaten. He wanted Hoseok to eat some too though. “I'm a simple person, someone likes my sculptures? Can't be entirely bad then.” He laughed and grabbed a big piece, holding it to Hoseok’s lips. “This was actually for you.”

“She blackmailed me because she wanted the sculpture,” Hoseok murmured and took an avocado roll with his fingers and put it into his mouth with a bright smile. “But I need to work, sorry, you always come, and I never have time for you. Do you want to sculpt in the evening? Because I really wanted to watch.”

_She blackmailed him for a sculpture?_

“I always sculpt in the evenings unless I’m bartending, but wow, no one has ever watched me sculpt, it's pretty boring to an outsider.” Hyungwon couldn't believe that Hoseok really wanted to, even though there wasn't much to see. It was just him poking around the material with traditional tools.

_You can't work on the piece for him then, it's a secret._

“I want to see, I'll come over after taking a shower. I'll write you.” Hoseok sat down on his ergonomic chair and turned towards his screen, concentrating on something. Hyungwon didn't even bother to reply because he knew that the older man wouldn't listen.

_He's gone now, closed up to conversation._

He briefly wondered whether sitting down on the black-haired man's desk, naked and spread-legged would get him attention, but he decided against it. Hoseok had to work and they weren't alone. It would have been too much.

Hyungwon sighed and gave Taehyung a brief hug before making his way towards the exit.

It felt good to feel like he had learned something about the older man, something new that made him more and more human. It wasn't like he didn't think Hoseok was human before, but a lot of his life had seemed staged and perfect, but in the end,  it was only pretend perfect. Hyungwon was childishly happy that the gorgeous black-haired man was willing to share with him.

_Maybe you just need to make him open up, Hyungwon?_

It seemed harder than he had thought, almost as if feelings and closeness didn't automatically entail trust.

_But the vulnerability is still there, all of it is still there and he keeps showing you._

Chewing on his cheek, Hyungwon climbed on top of his motorcycle and wondered what would need to change for Hoseok to be able to admit to others that he was his boyfriend. His parents had to stop caring?

Hyungwon needed to earn his trust properly.

_But he said that he loves you, really loves you, shouldn't you have his trust?_

A wistful smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as an elderly woman threw him a judgmental gaze, while he drove around the corner, making his way out of an area where he was visibly unwelcome.

Whatever it was that Hoseok needed to change to feel at ease with their relationship, Hyungwon really hoped it wasn't him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Update on the 21st of November at 2 PM CET.  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It's interesting, for me I think that I don't really care whether something I've made stays forever. It's like turning off the lights, only because you can't see, doesn't mean that nothing is there.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

He washed his body thoroughly and dried himself with a black, fluffy towel, making sure that there were no drops on his skin when he slipped into his underwear, the black ripped jeans and a simple blue sweatshirt.

_You can finally see him work._

He didn't know whether it had been because of the studio he had designed, or because Homme was his favorite artist, but it had something magical to it. Pulling out his phone, he typed a message to Hyungwon that he was on his way, but the sound of his doorbell disrupted the silence and he closed the distance, pulling the heavy door open.

His sister looked up with her uncharacteristically big, brown eyes, holding a bottle of wine in her arms like a newborn child.

“Now you decided to terrorize me at home too?” he asked while lifting his eyebrow and opening the door a little further.

“Look, I brought my baby to sacrifice it for you,” Anna whispered and slipped under his arm, entering his apartment as if she was at home. At least she took off her shoes. Hoseok ran after her, he never knew what to expect from the short woman, so it was better to be cautious.

“Wow, the lights are breathtaking, Hoseok!” she exclaimed while pressing buttons on his remote randomly which added to his already heightened adrenaline levels. He wanted to take her and throw her out while keeping the wine, because it was good. She must have researched before buying it.

“I know, so don't touch anything with your destructive hands.” He pulled the remote out of her tiny hand and crossed his arms in front of his chest, waiting for his sister to say what she wanted and to leave.

“I'm actually supposed to meet Hyungwon in a bit, so tell me what you want and go.”

The red, curved lips spread in a tiny smile and she walked towards the kitchen, rummaging in his cupboards before finding what she had been searching for. Coming back with two filled glasses, she handed one to him and sat down on his leather couch, crossing her legs.

“Let's have a talk, Hoseok. It won't take long, I wanted to ask you something personal. I know that you don't consider me your family, but at least talk to me like a human, okay? You talked to Hyungwon too, so I became a little hopeful.” Anna smiled and patted the leather next to her, gesturing for him to sit down.

_You won't be easy like this._

“Something personal? So, you can blackmail me with it? No, thank you, I'm fine like this. You don't understand how serious it is for me because the only thing you know is how to get money for nothing while terrorizing me.” Hoseok let himself fall on the couch, downing the wine.

“Why are you like this, Hoseok? You think I had a nice life? Living like your dad's invisible offspring? Do you think I want the money? I don't want any of it, I want a proper family, you idiot, but you're sitting here, after growing up with a mom and a dad, studying and having all the nice things. What makes you think that I didn't work for it? I gave it all to my mom who brought me up alone while dad was having his ‘real’ family. I got the office from him, but it's the least he should do after what happened. But you're both so similar, thinking people should be happy only because you throw your stupid money at them.” There was something incredibly fierce about Anna's expression, as if she would've fought for her beliefs immediately. The fact that his sister compared him to his father hurt. A lot.

“I'm not like him. I was never like him, I- don't even like him, Anna. I hate him. He took every opportunity he saw to make my life hell, my studies, my school days, my private life, even now, sending you to look over my shoulder. That's how it is, now you can go tell him.” Hoseok stared into the big brown eyes, that looked emotional for no reason.

“It was me. I asked him to put me next to you because you wouldn't have done it otherwise. How can you act as if you're the best son, doing everything they want and then tell me that you hate him? Who are you even? How did you get open minded friends like Hyungwon or Taehyung?” she exclaimed and downed her wine, placing the glass on the table with a loud noise.

_He's not your friend. Hyungwon is not._

He was so tired of all the lies, tired of explaining himself and exhausted by always having to pay attention to what he said and how he said it.

“Hyungwon is not my friend. He's my boyfriend, we're in a relationship. You can go tell that to dad too, let's see what happens.” Hoseok sighed and threw his head back, staring at the ceiling before pressing the remote and turning everything dark.

It was quiet apart from Anna's breaths and the buzzing of his wine fridge.

“Mhm, I kind of figured, you looked at him like that, like people look at their loved ones. I wanted to ask you, actually. But why would you keep it from them? Aren't they your family? They should be supportive. Dad should be happy if you are dating someone you love, it's amazing. Makes you so much more likable,” Anna murmured into the darkness while looking at him.

“Can you see well in the dark?” he asked while pulling his legs up and curling his arms around them.

His sister hummed, doing the same.

“This might sound strange coming from someone who was an unwanted kid from an affair, but I'm sure that family is not defined by sharing the same genetic material. Family is a person or a group of people you feel safe with, they will motivate you to do what you really love, they will pick you up if you feel like shit and they will support you no matter who you feel attracted to or whether you fulfill their expectations. I always thought you were happy living like you did. Funny, right? I wanted to get to know you to be honest, mom said that it's a shame that I have a brother without having any kind of relationship. Maybe we won't like each other, but I just wanted to try, you know?” Anna turned and stared into his face intently.

_She's right. She talks like Hyungwon, so she must be right._

“Hyungwon and Taehyung are my family.” He turned on the lights and dimmed them down to not blind himself.

“Hyungwon is a very handsome one. And I really want his sculpture. Your house is full of them, it's all his right? Ah, I brought you a present, you can make a fire with it if you don't like it, it's in the trunk. A chair. It's a chair. I carved ‘for Hoseok's peach butt’ on it but you can't see it from the outside.” His sister laughed loudly, opening her mouth wide, it looked funny.

_She's a little funny._

“Thank you. He's amazing, he really is, even though we're extremely different, our background and our families are too, but he's so- I don't even know how to say it, fragile, but also extremely stable, he's young but mature, but childish, but also kind of wise? And he's beautiful. He's the bird and I'm the fish.” Hoseok was an idiot, telling his half-sister about his ridiculous infatuation with his boyfriend.

“You're weird. And cute. Just like Taehyung. I'll die while liking him all by myself.” Anna slapped his shoulder for no reason and stood up. “I just don't want you to think that I want to make you unhappy. I don't, let's be nice to each other, mom's not doing well lately, so you might become the only family that cares.”

_She likes Taehyung?_

_Her mother is not okay?_

“Wait, is she ill? Do you need help with something? Don't just leave after saying stuff like that, Anna.” He grabbed his sister's arm while standing up.

“She was right, you really do care. She has quite a few health problems, but I'm used to it, just thinking a little further than the design for the new table. Your feeling for light is simply amazing by the way.” Patting his shoulder, Anna put on her shoes and waved him goodbye before closing the door after herself.

It felt weird to have such a conversation with someone who he considered to be a spoiled brat without any sense of responsibility. She didn't even say anything after he had told her about Hyungwon, he felt bad.

_Still, you have to see whether she'll tell dad._

It somehow didn't seem like it though.

_

 

He ran up the one flight of stairs to Hyungwon's new studio, excited to see the other man work on his sculptures and still a little conflicted about his talk with Anna. Pressing the door handle, he entered the beautifully illuminated space, spotting Hyungwon at the big desk.

The blonde man was wearing an oversized white t-shirt that seemed to be covered in a thin layer of white dust, just like the grey pair of jeans that covered his legs. It wasn't a ripped pair which must have been the first time.

_How can he look so good while wearing those clothes?_

Hyungwon didn't even realize that he’d entered and scratched material away from a mostly recognizable sculpture, emerging from a pretty block of bluish marble. It seemed to be him, sitting on the ground and hugging his legs with one muscular arm while the other covered his eyes, only allowing a small smile to be visible. His face wasn't finished and mostly outlined with small pencil strokes and crosses at various places. The legs on the other hand appeared perfect, each line visible and real, like the figure was about to flex and stand up, move on its own.

A metallic tool scraped over the surface of the sculpture’s chest, forming defined pecs and emphasizing the outline of an erect nipple. Hyungwon chewed on his cheek as he worked, eyes big and plump lips pouted and pulled to the side. His back remained perfectly straight and the way his t-shirt fell at the sides revealed how slim the younger man's waist actually was. Although there was a chair he didn't bother with it, working while standing. Once in a while the blonde boy glanced to the side where a clay sculpture stood, the same one that was slowly being carved into marble.

He closed the distance slowly, after watching Hyungwon work for a few minutes, mesmerized by the other man's concentration and the perfection of the outcome.

_You're less perfect than the sculpture._

He waited until the tool left the marble surface and curled both arms around Hyungwon's slim waist, pulling the other man's body against his chest. Attaching his lips to the delicate curve of his neck, Hoseok breathed a ‘I missed you’ into Hyungwon's tiny, curled up ear.

“I missed you too,” the younger man whispered back, smile apparent from his pleasantly low voice. “This is the block you gave me, but the sculpture will be for me. I am creating a different one as a present for you.” There was brief silence as the beautiful man blew over the surface once, removing white dust. “Your body is gorgeous, Hoseok.”

“Thank you. Sorry that I'm late, but Anna came by out of nowhere, so it took a while. I told her that I'm dating you.” Hoseok immediately wanted the other man to know that he came clean after acting as if Hyungwon was his ‘friend’ before.

“I'm glad.” The tall boy smiled and turned around, visibly trying to keep some distance as he hugged him, probably to keep the marble dust away from him. “That hurt a little to be honest, especially after all those lectures about us not being friends. How did she take it?”

“She said I was obvious,” Hoseok murmured and pulled Hyungwon closer, letting the slim body clash against his chest as he placed a kiss on his pretty lips once. “I'm really sorry, I'm going to try this ‘not giving a shit’ thing you told me about. I'm hoping for good results and optimization of my life satisfaction.” He grinned and kissed Hyungwon again. He was in a really good mood somehow.

“I see it's already working wonders on your mood. I'm proud of you, baby,” Hyungwon commented with a chuckle and licked over his curved lips once. “Also, you looked at me like at a Snickers, so yeah, definitely obvious. Your butt is difficult by the way, I needed two weeks for it last time. I'm kind of glad and sad that you're sitting on it this time.”

“I don't like Snickers, you're more like a sushi roll with two strips of avocado. The thin ones. Delicious.” He grinned and glanced at the work in progress. “Because my butt is a work of art. Seriously though, did you see the form? You know how many sumo-squats I have to do for it to look like this? Anyway, let me watch how you work, that's why I'm here.” Hoseok let his hands travel along Hyungwon's waist down to his lower back and pulled the other man into a tight hug.

The younger man rolled his eyes at the sushi comment, lips arranging in an expression of pure disappointment until it was replaced by a grin.

“Yeah, cause having my boyfriend attached to my chest is totally my way of sculpting. You could of course undress and sit in position for a few hours, for my personal pleasure.” Hyungwon laughed again and resisted brushing through his hair, holding his hand in the air instead. “Your body makes me horny and I can't sculpt with my dick.”

“I just wanted to hug you, it was innocent,” he explained, stepping back and taking the chair from the side before sitting down and crossing his legs. “So, let me see how you sculpt with your dick.” He laughed before controlling his facial expression.

“I can tell you that it would hurt like a bitch, more than ‘Fuck me, Hoseok’ does.” Hyungwon rolled his eyes before focusing on the chest of the sculpture and glancing to the clay model before resuming the process of removing material. He added more defined lines along the solar plexus and emphasized pores around the nipples. It was fascinating and incredibly detailed. The younger man seemed to know exactly what he was doing, and which motion would give him the perfect result. His eye for bodies was admirable.

“Do you know what makes sculpting special?” Hyungwon asked suddenly, placing his tool on the desk and turning to Hoseok.

“The fact that you can bend stone? Something that seems so hard and static, you take it and create something soft, bendable, living?” he replied and leaned forward a little.

“Partially,” Hyungwon replied with a soft smile, looking at him with big eyes. There was a little bit of white dust along his jaw, but he looked stunning. The red color of his lips stood out even more. “For me it's the thought that I'm changing something only nature can, it creates the stone the way it is but I'm able to do the same. It seems very empowering. Also, paintings might get damaged and disappear, but stone is forever. It's calming, that there will be something of mine that stays forever.” There was something dreamy to the blonde man’s facial expression, like he meant every word, watching Hoseok calmly. He was truly gorgeous and so different from how Hoseok had perceived him back when they first met.

_He was buying shady alcohol._

“It's interesting, for me I think that I don't really care whether something I've made stays forever. It's like turning off the lights, only because you can't see, doesn't mean that nothing is there.” He winked, looking into Hyungwon's big eyes.

“But you enjoy the darkness, Hoseok. To me the darkness means that everything I care about disappears, it ceases to exist, even if it's for a brief moment. The thought alone scares me,” the blonde man whispered and turned back to the sculpture applying the tool to the stone and filling the studio with soft scratching noises. “This- on the other hand - calms me.”

“But it's only one sense, you have five of them for a reason. If it's dark and someone touches you, you feel it, the touch exits, it may even be more genuine than if you could see it. Don't you think? I just wanted to ask whether you had sex in the dark but then I remembered that you don't like sex and you hate the dark.” Hyungwon's focused facial expression looked beautiful and Hoseok could spend hours looking at it.

“I like it when it's you,” the blonde boy whispered, quietly as he continued sculpting. A soft blush appeared on his cheeks, just a faint change in color but more prominent with the white dust emphasizing his jaw.

“What? The darkness? It's beautiful and you're beautiful when it's dark too, your eyes get this vulnerable look, it's really stunning.” Hoseok rested his face on both palms that he propped up against his knees, elbows digging into his thighs a little.

Hyungwon glanced over to him and swallowed before returning his attention to his sculpture quickly, blush remaining on his golden cheeks. It looked gorgeous.

“I didn't mean the darkness, but you make it bearable,” he whispered again and bit down on his lower lip, nibbling a little.

_Sex. He meant he likes sex, if it's with you._

Of course, he blushed for no reason, thinking of how Hyungwon shivered under him and begged him to give him more. Arousal hit him out of nowhere and he hid his face in his palms.

“You liked it? Although you were in pain?”

There was a soft hum as the repetitive sound of metal scratching on marble continued.

“I've never enjoyed anything as much as the feeling of you inside of me, Hoseok,” the low voice whispered, accompanied by the sound of Hyungwon's shoes on the ground. The younger man must have been shifting.

His gaze slid from Hyungwon's messily styled blonde hair to the caramel skin of his neck, down along the smooth curve of his spine. He remembered how Hyungwon bent his slim body beautifully for him, how he screamed and moaned and begged for Hoseok to go harder. He wanted him. Hoseok wanted him so badly. Sure, he was a hypocrite for saying he wanted to see Hyungwon's sculpting and then sitting there and imagining the other man on all fours, or riding him, or lying on top of him while he held his lean thighs and slammed his hips into him.

_Why, Hoseok? Just why?_

It was too late, the blood already went downwards, creating a pulling arousal that clouded his brain the longer he looked at Hyungwon's clothed body.

_You're obvious, so why not make it more obvious?_

He licked his lips, ignoring the fact that he was hard as well as he could, and walked towards the remote that he spotted at the corner of Hyungwon's desk. Turning off the main light, he only left the intimate bluish spot right over Hyungwon on. The rays covered the tall man in beautiful shadows. He looked gorgeous.

He closed the distance, not touching Hyungwon but only breathing hot air against his neck and ear before he lifted his right hand and traced the line of the young man's neck, barely touching and rather hinting at a touch.

The blonde man hissed as he subconsciously leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering shut. Hyungwon's long fingers were grasping his tool tightly, not bothering to scratch along the surface of his sculpture. The other man's breaths got faster and faster, betraying his state in an instant. Hoseok could see how goosebumps spread over the skin of Hyungwon's neck, responding to his delicate caresses.

He continued stroking over Hyungwon's naked forearms with both of his hands, while his lips brushed over the fine hairs on Hyungwon's nape. He exhaled against the other man's ear, enjoying the way his body shivered in response.

“Gorgeous,” he whispered before licking over Hyungwon's ear lobe.

A gasp left the younger man's plump lips as the tool dropped on the table and Hyungwon grabbed the wooden edge.

It was exactly the kind of reaction that drove Hoseok absolutely crazy. Moving a little closer from behind, he slipped his fingers under the bottom of Hyungwon's shirt, caressing the other man's smooth skin. He could feel the goosebumps that spread along his abdomen as Hoseok walked along the fine lines of the other man's lean stomach. Keeping the air a little longer in his lungs, he exhaled sharply against a spot on Hyungwon's neck, before licking over it with his tongue.

A soft moan echoed through the studio as he felt the other man's warm back against his chest, followed by a shiver that passed through Hyungwon's long legs. The fingers that were holding onto the wooden table tightly almost turned white from the effort, like the blonde boy was struggling to hold back.

Feeling Hyungwon's firm butt against his crotch, he let out a hiss, while he brushed over both of Hyungwon's nipples with his fingers, nibbling on the blonde man's jaw carefully.

“You're delicious,” he exhaled sharply, barely holding back from moving his hips against Hyungwon.

A moan left the other man followed by an instant hiss, slim body pressing further into him.

“Taste me more then,” Hyungwon whispered and threw his head back.

Hoseok hummed, pulling the giant t-shirt over Hyungwon's head and attaching his lips to the hot skin on his shoulders while his hands danced over the young man's stomach and pecs. Concentrating on a nipple with his left hand, he brushed over the seam of Hyungwon's jeans with his right one, slipping under the waistband, and stroked over the blonde man's hip bone, enjoying how warm the skin felt under the fabric before going lower.

“Hoseok-" Hyungwon gasped and fully leaned against his shoulder, blonde strands tickling the sensitive skin of his neck. The younger man's hands finally let go of the desk as they reached behind and curled around Hoseok’s hips, stroking along the length of his thighs.

“I want you,” he whispered providing light touches against Hyungwon's crotch, before curling his hand around the other man's erection and pressing his hips into his firm butt. Licking along Hyungwon's neck, he let his teeth nibble at the small earlobe.

“Then take me,” the blonde man moaned and thrust his hips into Hoseok’s hand, desperation and need for contact obvious in every motion of his body and every sound that left his lips. “Please, Hoseok.”

The eagerness made him feel things and he immediately unbuttoned Hyungwon's jeans to have more room to touch the other man. He was instantly rewarded with a loud moan, followed by a sharp intake of breath as Hyungwon turned around and grabbed his t-shirt, pulling it over his head. There was nothing stopping him from feeling the blonde man's skin against his own.

He licked his lips and smiled before attaching his mouth to Hyungwon's tattooed skin, caressing every spot he could find hungrily, as if he didn't have enough time to taste it all. His tongue licked over the other man's nipples and he kneeled down, pulling Hyungwon's jeans down his long legs. Helping the other man out of his clothes, Hoseok curled his fingers around the perfectly straight erection and licked over the leaking tip. After sucking and enjoying the sounds Hyungwon’s beautifully low voice produced, he looked up, stretching out his tongue and sliding Hyungwon's tip along his wet lips.

“If you're ready, then jump on the desk and let me taste you properly.”

“I kinda am,” Hyungwon whispered, nibbling on his bottom lip and turned around, blowing over the surface of the table to get rid of the white dust. He looked gorgeous as he sat down on the wooden desk and leaned back. “I want to see it,” he murmured as he spread his legs and lifted them up.

“You want to see me do it? Then I'll have to bend you a bit, if you're fine with it,” Hoseok replied and kissed along Hyungwon's thighs, enjoying the feeling of smooth skin against his lips. Curling his fingers around the blonde man's lean thighs, Hoseok pulled them up bending the flexible body and letting Hyungwon's back lean against his own muscular chest. “Like this?” he asked and looked down.

The younger man's eyes were wide while soft gasps left his plump lips.

“Yeah, it's perfect,” he murmured and flexed his smooth thighs, motion traceable under Hoseok’s fingertips. “Taste me.”

“Damn, you're gorgeous,” Hoseok exhaled sharply, before taking Hyungwon's firm butt and leaning in to taste him as promised. Licking over his entrance once, Hoseok tried to keep the eye contact while circling it with his tongue.

“Fuck,” Hyungwon cursed at the sensation and closed his eyes before forcing them open again, big, dark and focused on him. “This looks crazy, shit.”

“It's because you have a beautiful body. I want you, so much, you don't even know.” He waited till Hyungwon relaxed and pushed his tongue inside the other man's tight body, loosening the tension and providing pleasure at the same time.

“You should take me if you want me, fuck, I couldn't think about anything else, I wanted to jump you so badly today, but you weren't alone and- fuck, Hoseok,” Hyungwon babbled, holding onto the desk tightly while moaning in between words, legs shivering a little. “I even prepared more to adjust- fuck, I fucking want you.”

“If you knew how hard I am right now because of you.” Hoseok picked up pace until he felt that Hyungwon was less tense and leaned back. “You prepared more? How did you prepare? I want you to enjoy it without pain.”

He must have reached the fine border of Hyungwon's composure as the color on the blonde man's face increased in intensity and he moaned again, staring at him with slightly widened eyes.

“Well- the usual, trying to take something bigger, so it's not unpleasantly tight for you, but amazing. I saw your face last time and-" Hissing, Hyungwon grabbed his thighs instead of the desk and attempted to pull him closer. “You know what I mean, can't you just- please.”

Hoseok wanted to give him everything. Absolutely everything.

“You're not unpleasantly tight, you're driving me crazy. I thought about you, how you looked under me and how you would moan when I take you while standing and- fuck, I want to feel you, now,” Hoseok moaned and let Hyungwon's lower body sink down, as the position must've been uncomfortable for the blonde man.

The response was fast as Hyungwon sat up and jumped down from the desk, erection visibly leaking as he sprinted over to his backpack and pulled out a bottle of lube before basically throwing himself on top of the table again, breaths ragged.

“How do you want me? I just want you inside of me,” the younger man murmured and spread his legs again, eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds.

“I want you moaning and- asking for more,” he whispered, twitching inside his pants. He opened them and stepped out of his underwear, remaining naked in the pretty blue light. Remembering the first position, he took a condom out of his bag and rolled it over his erection that was so hard that it was almost painful.

_It's because it's him._

Lubing up, he took Hyungwon's legs and put them on his shoulders, lifting the other man's body in the air before lining up and pushing himself in after spreading the lube a little. Hyungwon was still tight, but it wasn't as hard to move, he must've really prepared himself.

_For you._

“Fuck, you feel amazing.”

“Just- just a little bit higher, fuck- please, Hoseok,” the blonde man muttered and threw his head back, showing the gorgeous outline of his throat as he contracted around him, holding him tight.

Hoseok hissed and bridged the last couple of centimeters slowly, while pulling Hyungwon's lower body higher by lifting his thighs.

The younger man moaned loudly and pushed his slim hips against him almost in reflex, eyes wide and lips parted in wonder. His fingers reached out to grab Hoseok’s thighs again and attempted to push him closer, desperation seeping from every action.

He gave Hyungwon time to adjust, kissing along his thighs and reaching for the other man's small nipples, rolling them between his fingers until he felt the slim body pushing forward.

“Should I move, babe?”

“Yes, please move, fuck- I can't think,” Hyungwon moaned and attempted to roll his hips, groaning right after while throwing his head back. A few remaining specs of dust were covering his blonde hair and emphasizing his smooth jaw. He looked stunning.

Hoseok curled his fingers around Hyungwon's tattooed hips and moved back carefully, before sliding in with more force to hit properly, moaning at the feeling he rolled his eyes.

Hyungwon screamed, loud and low as he contracted around him and suddenly let go of his thighs, probably to avoid hurting him as he grabbed his own instead, chest rising and falling rapidly.

“Fuck, just like that, please- fuck- fuck me again, Hoseok, just like that,” the blonde man whimpered and relaxed almost instantly, like there was nothing that he wanted more than for Hoseok to move.

_You love it when he asks for more._

Hoseok groaned in reply and repeated the motion, faster and rougher this time, watching how Hyungwon curved his spine in response.

“I want to take you while standing,” he moaned while rolling his hips into Hyungwon's gorgeous body.

“Fuck, please,” the younger man moaned and looked up, beautiful blush and full lips looking gorgeous in the chosen light. Letting go of his thighs, Hyungwon reached out for Hoseok’s neck, like he wanted to hold onto him. “You drive me crazy, shit, it feels so fucking good.”

“Hold on,” he replied and pulled Hyungwon up, curling his arms around the other man's lean thighs. He walked a few steps back and leaned in, licking into the plump mouth while still remaining inside Hyungwon's body.

“You weigh nothing, it's crazy.”

The beautiful, young man kissed back eagerly, pulling Hoseok closer by narrowing his lean arms around his neck and gasping once in a while, accompanied by a twitch of Hyungwon's erection against Hoseok’s stomach and a moan that was easily caught with a kiss.

Hoseok stabilized his grip and moved back, rolling his hips into Hyungwon’s tight body in a smooth movement. Moaning loudly, he used a little more force to create more intensive pleasure for the gorgeous blonde man.

It was breathtaking how Hyungwon screamed again, holding on tightly and throwing his head back, unable to keep kissing him with how his slim body responded, almost convulsing at the pleasure.

“Hoseok, oh my god, Hoseok, I fucking love you, Hoseok,” the gorgeous boy murmured repeatedly, pulling on the black strands of his hair irregularly.

_He what? He loves you?_

Hoseok sucked in a breath but had no time to think about the sudden confession that was probably meant towards the situation and less towards his person in an emotional way.

_Why are you like this?_

_Because he still hadn’t told you that he loves you._

***

 

There was something about the gorgeous, muscular man that took every coherent thought in Hyungwon's head and transformed it into meaningless babbling. Something that quickened his heartbeat in a matter of seconds and woke the desire to be close, as close as possible, connected.

He had prepared, not because he believed that Hoseok would really go ahead and fuck him in his studio, Hyungwon didn't really know about that. But he had prepared because just in case the tiny possibility was there he wanted to be ready, able to take the older man whole and enjoy every second.

_You can't think about anything else but him._

Feeling the thick erection slide into his body was overwhelming and not enough at the same time, setting him on fire but not providing enough oxygen for the fire to burn. Hyungwon wanted more, so much more. Begging repeatedly, he moved against the smooth rolls of Hoseok’s hips, basking at the way the slide felt, thick veins moving along his rim and filling him out. It felt amazing, good enough to just orgasm right there without a second thought.

Hyungwon heard screams that resembled his own voice, echoing through the studio as Hoseok simply lifted him up and fucked him while standing, hips easily snapping forward. It felt so good, so fucking good, Hyungwon couldn’t contain his moans, letting the older man muffle them with his kisses. His whole body was shaking from the pleasure of the firm thrusts and the curved lips that repeatedly touched his own. It seemed perfect again, like they were made for each other, bodies and minds connecting at such a profound level that they captivated and cared about each other.

_You feel so much towards him, enough to burst, isn't it love?_

His hands were shaking as he slipped them into Hoseok’s soft, black hair, fighting his own imminent orgasm that threatened to wash over him. The older man was able to make him feel so much, be it affection, admiration or arousal. It seemed like everything else was utterly irrelevant, just the arms around him and the lips whispering his name mattered.

“Hoseok, oh my god, Hoseok, I fucking love you, Hoseok,” Hyungwon whispered desperately, attempting to keep the warmth around him, pulling Hoseok a little closer through the grip in his hair. “Please, kiss me, please.”

The older man clashed their lips together hungrily, licking into his mouth and filling him out at the same time, thick and perfectly curved erection twitching inside him as soon as he said please. Hoseok’s movements got less rough and more sensual as the muscular man stopped and kneeled down, letting his back touch the carpet.

“Do you want to ride me at a pace you like?” Hoseok purred into his face, while chewing on his already red lips.

_You could hear him moan in your ear while you make him feel good._

Hyungwon nodded furiously and stroked over Hoseok’s arms and chest, fascinated by how expressive the older man's body was. The tiniest motion had meaning.

He couldn't help the moan that left his lips at the feeling of the thickness inside of him. If he placed his palm flat against his stomach, he could probably feel it.

The break in pleasure was good because it kept Hyungwon from orgasming prematurely, which was easy with the way his body reacted, like fucking fireworks.

“Let me sit on top of you then,” Hyungwon murmured and caressed Hoseok’s face with his thumb. It was perfectly smooth to the touch.

_He is beautiful, and you seem like you are addicted. Unable to get enough of him._

After pulling out carefully, Hoseok lay down on the fluffy carpet with his legs spread and stared at him. Shit, his gaze had something dangerous to it, the way the older man watched him hungrily.

Hyungwon inhaled sharply and was thankful that he hadn't removed the carpet even though it was impractical with all the marble dust. It was more comfortable like this. He couldn't wait to hear Hoseok moan. Climbing on top of the black-haired man he placed his thighs next to his hips and stared at his muscular legs, fascinated by the amount of definition. He curled his right hand around Hoseok’s thick erection, enjoying how it felt in his hand, and lined it up with his ass, sinking down slowly.

Hoseok moaned gorgeously and he felt the other man's hot palms caressing his back tenderly, drawing the curve of his spine with one finger.

“You feel amazing, oh god, Hyungwon.”

He wanted to return the compliment, but his lips didn't do him the favor, releasing a moan instead. He gave up on replying and merely moved all the way down, feeling how his body rearranged to harbor the older man. Once he felt ready he began to build up a rhythm, feeling how sanity left him with each slap of their hips.

“You drive me so fucking mad, Hoseok, fuck- I can feel everything, every fucking thing, god.”

Hoseok curled his hands around his thighs and lifted them up.

“Lean back, baby, let me make you feel good, “ Hoseok moaned and pulled him a little. It was hot, so fucking hot. Like the older man could just take him and play him the way he wanted, just the way he did with light.

Moaning, Hyungwon leaned back and couldn't suppress the shiver that passed through his legs at the feeling of Hoseok’s muscular chest against his back, hot almost blazing skin on his.

“Drive me mad, Hoseok, play with me,” he gasped and reached behind himself, stroking over Hoseok’s hair and entangling his fingers with his strands. “Please, make me yours.”

“I want to, I really do, I want you,” the low voice behind him whispered as Hoseok lifted his thighs in the air, holding them in place and started moving his hips, sensual at first but then rougher, in a faster pace, nibbling on his neck and sucking at the spot behind his ear.

Hyungwon screamed, unable to contain it and let himself be manhandled as the pleasure travelled up his legs and centered in his groin, pouring gasoline over his already burning body. It felt overwhelming, too much and not enough at once, as if Hoseok knew exactly when he was close and slowed down just to slam into him again and make him scream.

He removed one hand from Hoseok’s hair and placed it flat on his abdomen, fascinated by the way it felt, knowing the older man was really inside him.

“Shit- I- I can feel you move inside me, holy fuck, Hoseok.”

“I hope that you can feel it and I hope that it feels really good. Does it?” Hoseok panted fast and alternated quick, rough thrusts with deeper but slower sensual ones.

“It feels amazing, I don't want to feel anything else ever, fuck, I didn't know it could feel like this, I want you, Hoseok, please make me come,” he babbled, feeling how close to orgasm he was even without being touched. The kisses, curved lips on his earlobe and precise thrusts into his slim body were perfectly sufficient to lose his senses. “I'm so close, please don't stop, fuck, please don't stop, Hoseok, please.”

The older man groaned and lifted his thighs a little higher to have more room for movement as he slammed his hips into Hyungwon's body, sliding into him in a smooth movement while setting his body ablaze. Shit, it almost felt like slow motion when the coil in his groin finally unfolded and he released himself over his stomach, erection twitching and loud scream leaving his lips.

His throat felt rough like he had been screaming repeatedly, unable to help himself. His body burned from the aftermath of his orgasm, like a finished match, recovering to be lit on fire again.

“Oh my god, oh my fucking god,” he whispered, attempting to recover while his pleasure crazed brain told him to shut the fuck up and bask in more of that feeling. “Go all out.”

Hoseok shifted and semi crawled to the side, grabbing the wet tissues Hyungwon usually used to get rid of the marble powder and wiped over his stomach.

“Would you go on all fours for me?” Hoseok asked quietly while obviously twitching inside of him.

Hyungwon nodded quickly and did exactly that, letting the older man slip out of him carefully as he kneeled in front of him. He spread his legs particularly wide to be lower, improving the angle while showing the black-haired man more of his body. His fingers dug into the fabric of the carpet, convinced that he would need the grip.

_Just don't get hard again, that's simply embarrassing._

Warm palms appeared on his shoulders and slid down his back slowly, Hoseok stroked over his waist before cupping his cheeks and pulling him a little closer to himself. A short moment passed before Hoseok filled him out till the brim and positioned himself higher by bending one leg.

“You good?” Hoseok asked quietly, bending over and placing a kiss on his shoulder.

Hyungwon couldn’t help but wonder what had to happen for the older man to lose himself completely and become unaware of anything apart from the pleasure he felt. Contracting on purpose, he pushed his body further into Hoseok’s.

“Fuck me up, Hoseok,” he gasped and contracted again, feeling how it riled the older man up. “Please.”

Hoseok cursed and moved back, slamming his hips into him and hitting dead on with how he positioned himself higher on purpose. Holding his hips in an iron grip, Hoseok went all out, moaning and groaning his name while his thick erection disappeared in Hyungwon's slim body. It took a few minutes of the highest intensity before Hoseok groaned in his incredibly low voice and buried himself completely. The muscular man almost fell over but stopped himself, propping both arms against the carpet on each side of his shoulders. He could feel how Hoseok’s muscular chest rose and fell against his back.

Hyungwon considered jerking off for a brief moment until he remembered the carpet and decided not to, breathing heavily and listening to the sounds that left Hoseok’s lips instead.

“Oh my god, Hoseok, shit,” he hissed eventually and sank down to his elbows, still feeling the heat of Hoseok’s dick and release inside of him.

There was no sound as Hoseok's hands curled around his hips and the other man turned them, landing on his back with Hyungwon on top of him. Hoseok's warm fingers ran along his chest and abdomen before the other man pulled them into his mouth and curled them around his dick, spreading the wetness while moving and twitching inside him.

“Do you want more?”

Hyungwon shook his head furiously because he had already been dangerously close, moaning and throwing his head back and forth while forgetting that he had been embarrassed mere seconds ago. It didn't need long for his body to tense up and release into Hoseok’s hand, erection twitching through the aftermath.

“Fuck my life.”

“You're gorgeous and so responsive, holy shit,” Hoseok whispered, immediately reaching for tissues and cleaning him up, before pulling out carefully, shifting to the side and doing the same with himself, placing the remnants of their closeness into the small, black bin.

Crawling back, Hoseok circled his muscular arms around him, pulling his slim body into a tight embrace. It seemed so intimate, the blue light, the warmth of the older man surrounding him. All of it seemed intense but at the same time exactly the way he wanted it to be. His chest tingled, and his hands shivered from the bodily reaction plus the furious beating of his heart.

Hyungwon lifted his head a little bit to look at the black-haired man and see the expression on his beautiful face. It was breathtakingly open, vulnerable and expressive, affection written on it like a ball pen on papyrus, permanent.

“I love you,” he heard his own, low but rough voice whisper, giving the complex emotions in his head and chest a name.

“You do?” the older man asked, surprise visible on his face. There must've been a lot going on in Hoseok's head with how his facial expression changed from surprise, to something rather vulnerable, to joy.

“I love you too, I want to be close to you.”

“Then please do, I want you to be close too. I can ditch delivery to have more time for you and to sculpt, maybe I'll be able to afford it,” Hyungwon exclaimed, getting a little ahead of himself. “But I can't just come to your work and distract you, you get uncomfortable after all.”

“I meant that I'll open up to you if you want me to. I’ll try to be honest and authentic with you. You work so much on yourself and the things that you do, I- I admire that.” Hoseok was whispering into the crook of his neck, not lifting his head and probably shy about his words.

_He said he'll open up to you. That's why he looked so vulnerable, it means a lot to him._

Hyungwon inhaled sharply and reached out, hugging the older man tightly while stroking over his black hair, so soft to the touch.

“I admire that despite getting so much shit from your family you are such a loving person. I'd love you opening up to me, I'll embrace it just like you and keep it safe.” Smiling brightly, he pressed a kiss to Hoseok’s lips. “Oh fuck, was that too cheesy? I meant that though. I'm good at treasuring what matters.”

“You think that it's cheesy? I don't think so.  I mean- I need to trust you, to be able to open up and share certain things with you. I wanted to ask you, how do you love? I talked about it with Tae and he said it doesn't matter who we are it just matters how we love. Whether the way you love me, and I love you fit together.” Hoseok finally lifted his head, watching his face intently.

Hyungwon thought about it, saying that his words were cheesy was just a way to protect against negative feedback. It was actually a pretty childish thing to do.

“I don't think it's cheesy. It was just me trying to distract from the fact I was genuine. You ask how I love? I want to spend every living minute with you, give you sculptures, draw you even though my drawings are shit, buy you sushi and watch you play with lightbulbs in your fancy room like a child for hours. I also kinda want your dick inside me at all times but that's not safe for work.” Hyungwon grinned and threw his naked leg over Hoseok’s waist. It was funny how there was some dust on both of them, like they rolled around in the dirt. “How about you?”

“Don't know. If I think about it, it had always been wishful thinking, things I wanted to do but never did, so I can't tell if it's experience based or just random thoughts. I want to spend time with you, to embrace you in the darkness, to learn how to sleep with a small light on, I want to wake up with you and I want to have more of your sculptures, more of your hugs and kisses, more of you being so affectionate towards me, I love it, I really do, I'm just not used to it in public, I'm not used to it at all to be honest, people just don't like me, apart from Tae,” Hoseok murmured, chewing on his bottom lip.

“I think that's because you try to keep them away.” Hyungwon smiled again and kissed the older man's lips. He seemed so much younger like this, so much more innocent somehow. “I love everything you just mentioned and I'm sure you'll be amazing at not giving a shit with a little bit of practice. I'll teach you. I'm also sure that people will love you once they get close enough, just that you're mine and I like feeling special. It's as if you were meant for me, as different as we are.”

“I don't want other people to love me. I just want you to love me, it will be enough. I want to design the light concept for a big exhibition of yours. Now that people really want your works, it will happen, and it would mean so much to me, please think about it. I just have the feeling that I can show more with the way I set the lights than if I tell you how I feel.” The older man leaned forward and kissed him softly.

It was true somehow, Hyungwon clearly remembered how seeing Hoseok’s light arrangements and fascination with the subject had changed his mind, let him see the older man as more than his clothes and his judgmental attitude towards his appearance.

“That- that would be amazing, Hoseok, but I don't think I'm big enough yet, selling three sculptures doesn't justify an exhibition without other artists that I would have to pay for. It sounds beautiful though, you could make it perfect.” A small smile remained on his lips. It was really a nice idea, he would have loved it, but Hyungwon was a realist and money and interested people didn't fall from the sky.

“Just sculpt the way you want to, and I'll take care of the publicity, I swear, it'll be amazing. But wait until after I tell my dad that I'm gay and won't get married to a woman and that I won't let him interfere with my life because it only stresses me out and is no help.” Hoseok's eyes lit up.

It was fascinating to see how the older man had changed his attitude, like he had been able to finally let go of something and do as he pleased. It might have seemed strange from the outside, but that fact alone made Hyungwon impossibly happy. Just knowing that Hoseok was finally ready to remove the pressure that hung over him and be himself.

_It's for you too, isn't it? He does it, so he can be with you._

Hyungwon didn't know if it was mainly about him and it also didn't really matter. The only thing that mattered was that he wanted Hoseok to be happy and drown in his affection. He wanted to sculpt the older man's gorgeous body while being held and feeling his breaths become irregular because of what Hoseok’s presence alone was able to do to him.

Somehow it seemed like it didn't matter what Hoseok decided to do, because Hyungwon would be there for it, cheering loudly and holding his hand, pale fingers fitting beautifully between the spaces of his own.

Just like they did now, drawing soothing circles over the back of his hand, emphasizing the difference of their hands, pale and golden, thin and round, long and short.

_Does it matter whether you are different? Does ‘dating’ mean that you need to be the same?_

Hyungwon felt like they didn't need a label, a name or a box with rules that their relationship followed.

They had never really played by the rules.

_

 

It started to get a little warmer, just enough to not freeze his butt off on the cold stone steps. It seemed like the cool concrete was going to adapt to Hyungwon's scrawny ass soon, fitting it like a lid on a pot.

The air was amazing for a city like Prague, a little fresh like it was about to rain but the weather hadn't decided yet, still arguing back and forth by pushing the clouds around.

Hyungwon pressed his palms against the next step and leaned back, head resting on the hard surface and staring up at the mixture of almost black clouds and tiny bits of blue sky. Only the faint smell of marijuana reminded him that he wasn't alone.

“I still can't believe your stick fingers make money, by scratching over surfaces with creepy metal tools,” Kihyun commented and took a puff of the joint they shared, sitting spread-legged on the step next to Hyungwon. “It seems unlikely, like actually doing something with a literature degree.”

Hyungwon chuckled because he also couldn't believe it.

“It's ‘not much’, apparently, even though it feels like masses to me. I'm happy when they are willin’ to have it, but Hoseok sells it like I'm the next Michelangelo.” Brushing through his ridiculously long bangs, he sighed and watched how Kihyun's rather masculine hand held the joint.

Hyungwon would have loved to sculpt the form of his hand, but he disliked leaving out the rest of the body. Unfortunately, his rocker friend was still not willing to model for him.

“At least you're just as gay, you're getting there,” his friend remarked and flattened the hair of his undercut above his ears. Kihyun's hair had suddenly become important, now that he had a girlfriend, a fan of his since the beginning days of the band.

Hyungwon was happy about that, glad to see something that plastered a smile on his friend's face, taking away some of the bitterness.

“Look at that fucker,” Kihyun hissed suddenly and pointed at a gorgeous red car that turned around the corner, speeding up and interrupting the silence with loud motor noises.

Hyungwon was just about to comment when he suddenly recognized the car, and the number plate, and the driver.

“Oh god, I think that's my fucker,” he murmured and lifted his back from the stairs, eyes widening.

_Last time he told you to go home and called you a kid._

It felt like ages ago.

The vehicle suddenly drove slower, pulling into a parking spot right across from the stairs and Hoseok stepped out, dressed like a model out of the Vogue magazine and walked around the car. Opening the trunk with some weird gesture, the older man got something that looked like a six pack of beer out and walked towards them.

“What the actual fuck?” Kihyun hissed next to him and punched his shoulder, almost hard enough to make him fly down the stairs like a damn pancake. “Who the fuck is that guy? Police?”

Hyungwon shook his head quickly while staring at the way Hoseok filled out his jeans. It was the pair that Hyungwon had recommended when they had met for the second time. The older man looked gorgeous.

“That's- kinda my boyfriend,” he whispered in reply as Hoseok reached them, beer in his hand and utterly at odds to his attire. Hyungwon loved it. “Hi, Hoseok?”

“Hey. You said you were ‘chillin’ on the stairs’, so I figured it must be here and came by because I just finished work.” He smiled shyly and handed him the beer. “I thought you’d be thirsty.”

“Holy Jesus in tights,” Kihyun muttered while sliding to the side and making some space for Hoseok, openly doubting that the older man would decide to place his fancy jeans covered ass on it. “The beer better be good.”

While Hyungwon contemplated which meaning of ‘thirsty’ applied to him and how fucking adorable Hoseok was, Kihyun had already grabbed the beer, opened a can and swallowed a few times.

“Thanks,” Hyungwon replied, a little delayed and patted the space next to him, overwhelmed that Hoseok would really join him. “It's 2AM, Hoseok, what work? Give me a fuckin’ break.”

“Anna is giving me a headache and I want to kill her, but I’d go to jail, and I don’t want to.” The older man sighed and sat down, spreading his legs and taking a can. “I can drink one too, I calculated how much I can drink to be able to drive home legally.”

“Of course, you did.” Hyungwon laughed and hugged the black-haired man's muscular arm, happy that Hoseok had really decided to join them. “Does that trip home involve me on the backseat?” He wiggled his eyebrows and threw his legs over Hoseok’s lap, getting comfortable.

Kihyun groaned loudly in the background.

“What are you planning? You know that the car is not autonomous yet? I have to drive, what would you do alone on the backseat? And I can’t look at you either.” Hoseok looked at him as if he was speaking Chinese. Turning to Kihyun, the gorgeous black-haired man stretched out a hand. “Hi, I’m Hoseok, you must be Hyungwon’s friend with the annoying sister. I feel you.”

The introduction got Kihyun's attention as he narrowed those long eyes of his and smiled brightly.

“My sister is a demanding bitch, I hope yours is more bearable. Nice car.”

Hyungwon watched the interaction calmly and attached himself further to the older man. His thoughts were a little slower than usual.

“Sorry, I'm high, I meant passenger seat, but we can also fuck on the backseat. Sounds exciting.”

“Oh god, just drink your beer,” Hoseok replied and blushed, before focusing his attention on Kihyun who stared at them with a judgmental look on his face.

“She is a snake, but it’s okay, I guess. Hyungwon said that you’re studying? What’s your major?” It almost seemed as if Hoseok was more interested in his friend than in him.

“Literature, the kind of stuff that gets you unemployed later. I also sing in a band, but I don't have a successful girlfriend to promote me,” Kihyun remarked, clearly suspicious about Hoseok’s interest.

_But he's being genuine, you can tell._

Hyungwon felt rather happy that his boyfriend seemed so casual and calm, even bringing them beer. He wanted to kiss his face and tell him how wonderful he is.

“Well, it’s not that I’m successful, it’s just that Hyungwon doesn’t promote himself at all. Who’s your favorite author?” Hoseok spread his legs further and let Hyungwon curl around him.

_Oh no._

Hyungwon tuned out, unwilling to listen to Kihyun recite Shakespeare and that other guy with Mura or whatever. He had no idea and there was no way that he would understand.

Kihyun sounded excited, talking about some dude and his relationship to his father's ghost. It sounded like the guy was on acid among other stuff. Hoseok seemed equally fascinated, smiling brightly. He had gotten Kihyun's ass, just like that.

“So, is Hyungwon playing Gustav Klimt with you?” his best friend asked Hoseok, slapping his shoulder.

“Kind of, it started that way,” Hoseok replied and laughed loudly for no reason. “But he looks better than Gustav though. And I guess I'm the one with the robe. I'll spare you the details. What's your music style? I mean what you play. I like jazz.”

“Rock, I like combining guitar with my superior vocals,” Kihyun bragged and lifted his shoulders to seem bigger. It looked cute and Hyungwon had to giggle.

“He can shatter a wine glass if he wants to, but what the fuck is up with that robe business? Who is Gustav?” Hyungwon had no idea what they were talking about.

“You know this story about Gustav Klimt, where he just walked around in a robe and was always ready to have sex with the women who modeled for him? That.” Hoseok grinned at him and squeezed his thigh shyly. “And I said that I’m the one with the robe though.”

“Oh god, and always ready.” Hyungwon laughed again and brushed through Hoseok’s black hair, loving the texture. “Thank you for joining us, really.”

The atmosphere seemed so calm, curling around the older man while his friend made fun of them and drank a beer. It was amazing, everything Hyungwon ever wanted.

“It's fine, Kihyun looks a little scary, but so did you when we first met. There's no way you're going home by motorcycle after doing drugs, are you crazy? They'll take away your driver's license, I looked it up!” Hoseok exclaimed and stared at his bike, standing next to the stairs.

“Ehm, you don't know how long I stay here,” Hyungwon replied slowly and pretended that he didn't get high and drive home right after every fucking time, falling asleep in a matter of seconds. “But you can always come and drive me home, I'm up for that.” Kihyun groaned again and fixed his hair.

“Don't spoil him, he's already horrible.”

“You don't know what you want, do you? Backseat, going home with me or get a ride home? Like a toddler,” Hoseok murmured and laughed, standing up and peeling his arms and legs from his body. “Anyway, I have to go back. It was really nice meeting you, Kihyun. I wish you lots of success with your band.”

“Thanks, I'll give Hyungwon my favorite book, so you can read it,” Kihyun murmured, looking away as he always did when he said something nice. It was difficult to contain his own bright smile at the sight.

“I'll still stay a bit,” Hyungwon replied and stood up, hugging Hoseok tightly and kissing his lips in goodbye. “I'll pop by the office tomorrow and bring ya a present. Spoiler, it's small and not safe for work.”

“You're crazy,” Hoseok replied and kissed back. “But I love it,” the older man whispered with a bright smile, turning his eyes into crescents.

_And you love him._

It was gorgeous, sending a pleasant sensation of warmth through Hyungwon's chest and stomach, so strong that he wasn't able to look away, not when Hoseok turned around and slipped into the driver's seat and not when the bright red color turned around the corner, disappearing from sight.

“You're so fucking gone, holy shit,” Kihyun muttered next to him and squeezed his shoulder. “A fool in love.”

“Yeah,” he replied, still staring at the spot where Hoseok’s car had been last before disappearing. There was something calming to the sight, spreading the familiar warmth even more.

“But you guys are so different.”

“Yeah,” he replied again, turning towards his friend and smiling a little.

Kihyun was right, Hyungwon was someone who didn't care, whereas Hoseok preferred regulations, Hyungwon didn't have an education and Hoseok studied for years, Hyungwon loved sculpting and Hoseok loved light.

They were different.

They were, but did it matter?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE READ THE EPILOGUE TOO  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
>  We are always so damn grateful about every little bit of feedback, be it a comment, a kudos or a message on twitter :D You guys are the major reason that we write! (And Hyungwonho, because honestly it's THE SHIP)


	18. EPILOGUE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I still don't get how you ended up together. How the fuck did you manage to make him like you with this stuck up personality of yours? Is it sexy? I don't think so.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>   
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 

The past few weeks had been stressful, and he didn't have time to think about the fact that he hadn't been able to contact his family after the highly uncomfortable talk he had with his father.

_He doesn't understand, and he doesn't want to understand._

Not that Hoseok had expected anything else if he was honest, but breaking all contact was still a little harsh. Anna was sad for him too, trying to comfort him according to her standards, namely by insulting his face and hanging around in his office. He pretended as if he didn't know that she did it because of Taehyung and not because of him, but in the end,  it was still kind of cute.

The good thing was that his sister knew quite a few owners of art galleries and established contacts for him to find the perfect one for Hyungwon's solo exhibition. Of course, the blonde boy panicked and hadn't left his studio since Hoseok had announced that he got the space, working like crazy and barely contacting him.

_But it's good. He can see how much people like the things he is able to create._

Hoseok worked really hard on publicity, distributing the professionally designed flyers and gaining his own client's attention by placing more sculptures into his office. The d-day came closer, but his stubborn boyfriend still didn't show him the main piece, not letting him enter the studio and ignoring his demands regarding the light arrangement. Hoseok needed to know the piece to set up the light, but Hyungwon was being secretive as if his life depended on it.

“What if it's you, naked? That would be really funny, I would love to see all your clients recognize you. That will be awkward,” Anna commented and sat down on Tae’s lap, who jerked and threw his hands in the air, not used to people sitting on him.

_Serves him right._

“There are chairs, you crazy woman and you have a weird butt, it's soft but also kind of bony.” Taehyung earned himself a death stare before concentrating on Hoseok.

“He wouldn't do it, I hope. He has a not safe for work collection for that. It's me. All of it is me.” He sounded as if it had been his main life achievement but it kind of felt like it. Having Hyungwon sculpt his body filled him with pride and warmth.

“I still don't get how you ended up together. How the fuck did you manage to make him like you with this stuck up personality of yours? Is it sexy? I don't think so.” His sister provoked him, but it was nothing he hadn’t gotten used to in the past few months that she stayed around.

_How did you end up together?_

“Because he was willing to deal with me, I guess.” It was so true that he inhaled deeply, keeping the air in his lungs for a few seconds before releasing a shaky breath. “I was being a judgmental prick, but he still stayed around, showing himself and getting hurt by me. I love him so much, oh god.” He felt overwhelmed, thinking about it, he wanted to give Hyungwon everything for being such an amazing human being. Hoseok would've immediately went to see the blonde man, but Hyungwon probably wouldn't have let him in, hiding his sculpture.

_The sculpture is more important than you. That's how it is. You're in love with an artist._

“You know how people love discussing happiness in magazines, articles, documentaries, they just love the concept of happiness, thinking that you can buy it with money, or find it while travelling. I personally think real happiness is when you find a person who is willing to deal with you, to invest resources in you, who accepts and scolds you, making you a better person and giving you the feeling that you are loved as the human that you are.” Tae curled his arms around Anna's waist while he talked, generating a shocked expression on his sister's face. “That's why I love you, Hoseok. But I'm so happy that Hyungwon loves you too, you deserve it. You deserve it all, no matter what kind of person you are.”

_You are being loved._

He really felt it, the warmth from his best friend’s words, how it affected his perception and lifted his mood, giving him positive feelings.

“I love you too, thank you so much,” he whispered, closing the distance and curling his arms around Taehyung, which included his sister, who appeared even more shocked.

_It's a choice, isn't it? Whether you're a nice person or an asshole?_

_

 

Stepping into the gallery, he couldn't help but inspect the lighting first, if the way he set it up suited the objects. It was perfect, it really was. There were a lot of people, men and women, some of them dressed casually whereas others came wearing a suit or an expensive looking dress. It didn't matter to Hoseok, it just mattered that Hyungwon would get the recognition he deserved.

He tried to find Hyungwon, but he was nowhere to be found, instead, there was a big crowd in the middle. Probably looking at a sculpture that was popular.

Coming closer, he looked over the shoulder of a woman that was talking to her male companion, praising the position and the detail of the piece while gesturing wildly, complaining that it was not for sale.

_It's not for sale?_

Hoseok got curious, slipping past a man in a suit, to see the piece.

It was rose marble, huge, about thrice the size of Hyungwon's usual works and broad. It showed two male bodies sitting on the ground across from each other with their legs pulled against their chests. Their toes touched, building the connection of the piece. The male on the right was tall, but slim whereas the male on the left was muscular and shorter. Their position was the same. Both men held one of their palms in front of their faces, one couldn't see the facial expression or the other hand, as it was on the other side of the sculpture.

_It's you and him._

Walking around the piece slowly, Hoseok reached the other side as a breath got stuck inside his throat. It was as if he was seeing a different sculpture, it was still the two men sitting across from each other, but you could see that they looked at each other, smiling. The palms only hid their faces on the opposite side of the piece. Their free hands were stretched out towards each other, long fingers intertwining with shorter ones beautifully. It was stunning, Hoseok felt completely overwhelmed by the sight, by the emotional value and meaning, by the fact that Hyungwon had created something like this.

_He loves you. He wanted to show that it's fine as long as you two have each other, didn't he?_

He stared, ignoring the people who kept talking and pointing out details, praising the skill and commenting on the possible meaning of the piece.

Looking to the side, he spotted the tall figure, dressed in tight black jeans and a black shirt with polka dots. Hoseok almost didn't recognize Hyungwon with how accurately his hair was styled, giving him an utterly different look. The young man was watching him intently, while playing with the small ring in his lip, huge brown eyes seeming somehow vulnerable.

He should've thought about what was appropriate, that there were clients and people who knew him, but he couldn't care less. Closing the distance slowly, he took Hyungwon's big palm, pulling it towards his lips and placed a soft kiss on top of it, before opening his eyes and curling his arms around the taller man's waist.

“I love you. I love you so much, thank you for loving me back, and for the willingness to deal with me, Hyungwon.” He leaned forward, feeling how his lips touched Hyungwon's plump ones, how warm air hit his skin as the gorgeous blonde man exhaled in surprise. It felt as if they were alone and nothing else mattered, as if everything was going to be alright, as if the fish learned to fly and the bird learned to swim, making it possible to love despite everything.

_It's a choice isn't it?_

He made his and he was happy. Truly and sincerely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BODY came to an end.
> 
> Thank you so much for staying with us during this slow burn ride. This story was very special for us and we hope that you enjoyed it.  
> We would like to thank all of you who clicked, gave Kudos, read and commented on the chapters, to those who wrote us private messages on twitter or sent fanarts to our e-mail adress and to those who bought the hardcover version of BODY. We are so happy to have you!
> 
> A big special 'Thank You' to our Beta-readers Molly, Alice and Natalie, who did an incredible job correcting our mistakes and making the fic better! We love you and are really, really thankful that you invested your time and effort into it and keep helping us out with each new story we start.
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING OUR STUFF.
> 
> WE LOVE YOU.
> 
> (Yes, we have already finished writing another story (Writing Guilt) in the meantime and will start updating it soon (In a week). Please look forward to it ;))  
>  **NOTICE:** If you want to know more about us, get updates and information about new stories, hit us up on **Twitter**  
> [Irina](http://twitter.com/Hichanchen)  
> [Maria](http://twitter.com/Smut_Hemingway)  
> [@SMUTSIS Official](http://twitter.com/SMUT_SIS)  
>   
>   
> 


End file.
